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Reading Reviews for The Wedding
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TreacleTart I Do

21st July 2015:
Hi Joanie!

I'm here for our review swap! Can I just say that I giggled when I realized we were swapping wedding stories?

Anyway, to the review!

I thought this was a very tender moment that you'd captured here. James is always so confident in cannon, so it was nice to get a look at him when he is a little bit vulnerable. It makes him feel so much more human and real.

I thought you did a good job capturing the nerves of a wedding day. All sorts of crazy doubts and what if scenarios cross your mind. You demonstrated that quite well with James behavior.

As for characterization, I thought that you managed to show who each person was very clearly. Things like Peter not showing up to the wedding were great because it not only showed us what was happening, but made us feel something towards Peter's character even though he wasn't present. I think that the characterization was the strongest aspect of this piece.

The flow was pretty steady throughout. It moved a long at a nice smooth even pace. There were occasional sentences that came across a little long..and at least for me, sometimes that throws the flow off just a touch, but it's pretty minor in the grand scheme of things.

Since you said in your Author's Note that you're open to a bit of critique, I just wanted to mention that the actual marriage ceremony felt to me like it got skipped over. It gave a sort of rushed feeling to the ending. I think that adding in a few paragraphs about what the actual ceremony was like would be great. I mean, are wizard weddings different than muggle ones? If so, how? Do they involve any spells or drinking of potions? Are there vows the same? All of these things are things that you could include that I think would make it feel a little more complete.

I did notice two little typos:

best friends sice they were eleven –since

She held a bouquet of lilies as she took short, deliberate steps toward James, who smiled …-short and took deliberate steps

All in all, I think this was a really good first one-shot. You have a clear voice and you stayed pretty consistent throughout. Good work!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Hi Kaitlin!

Thank you for leaving such a lovely review! I didn't even notice we were both reviewing wedding stories, lol. :)

I do like my occasional sentence that goes on for a while, but it's just stylistic. I can't shake it.

To me, wizarding marriages didn't seem like a huge ceremony. I chose to only include the one vow just because I wanted James' feelings to be the focus of the story. Writing a whole bunch of details for something that isn't important to my goal seemed redundant.

Thank you for pointing out the typo! I swear, I read through like ten times, I can't believe I didn't spell check.

Thanks again. :)

-Joanie


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Review #2, by ScarlettANDJames I Do

3rd March 2014:
aw that was so adorable, i love this ship. well done.

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

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