Reading Reviews for You Can't Re-Write The Past
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by randomwriter You Can't Re-Write The Past

20th March 2014:
Hello :) I've seen you around the forums a lot off late, and I thought I'd get to know you by familiarising myself with some of your work :)

Also, the 'Review the Person Above You' Thread in the common room brought me here :) Two things about the title really made me want to read the story. The first being that you've written this for a challenge that I've entered in as well. (Though my entry is nowhere near complete :p). And the second is that you made a Gatsby reference in your title, and that's always a win :p I half expected an 'old sport' somewhere. Or maybe that's just me :p

Anyway, I really enjoyed the mysterious element in your story. It kept me guessing for sure, and I'm still very curious. What mystery does is incite a hunger for more. Plays with your curiosity a bit, I think. You've done exactly that :) So well don on nailing the mystery element.

Sometimes there stories without plots are the best because they give us a great chance to explore human actions, emotions and thoughts. SO what I think is that your story really portrayed regret and perhaps repentance to a lesser extent. While I'd like to know who she is and what exactly she did, I was more drawn to her growing feelings of self-reproach. It was rather interesting to see.

I also like your descriptions. Mainly because they evoked a sense of melancholic regret in me. I really love how you started off. It sort of drew me in. But somewhere along the way, I found a couple of pieces where the phrasing was slightly off. I hope you won't mind me pointing this out to you, but when you write a short piece, every aspect comes under scrutiny and the words have to carefully selected. There aren't a lot of places like that in your story, but I certainly found a couple where the phrasing seemed a bit off. This made the flow kind of choppy, but not very much. If you could give this a quick read and edit, you should be okay :)

All in all, a pretty good read and GREAT wielding of the mystery element. I look forward to more :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review :)
I'm really glad you liked it. I tried to make it as mysterious as possible. With your last comment at the end, I will go over the story and edit bits here and there ;)
Thanks again!
HEG


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Review #2, by Rumpelstiltskin You Can't Re-Write The Past

16th March 2014:
Hey there, I'm here for the Blackout (number 13/20)!

Plot/plot arch: You definitely played the mystery card in this one! I was reading along, learning that "she" had done something that not only she regretted, but that she could not change and that *everybody* hated her for. I knew that whatever she had done had to have been disastrous, to say the least, but I did not expect what she had actually done. Holy halibut, she brought back Voldemort.

Characterization: Though we do not know the character's name, there are some key elements that establish her character in this introduction already. For one, she's a bit reckless, bringing back Voldemort and all. Another characteristic that you've established is that she is now alone, and that she is capable of feeling remorse. Therefore, it has been established that she is not necessarily bad in nature, but perhaps only misled or haplessly unfortunate.

Detail and Emotion: While I normally I write these to categories separately, because they typically stand on their own, you've used detail in such a way that it evokes emotion, so I've opted to combine them. Not only that, but you did a very good job with your detail and using it this way. You've created a sense of melancholic regret in the readers for your character, we can sympathize with her because she IS feeling regret.

Other/notes: This was very well-written and interesting; great job!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! It really made my day. I'm glady ou liked the elemnt of mystery and thank you for all the nice complements,
HEG :)


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Review #3, by Karou_Marauder You Can't Re-Write The Past

13th March 2014:
Hi there!

Ooh, mysterious...I wonder who "she" is, and what her bad memories are. Interesting start.

Ah, you have some spacing problems which break up the flow of the story slightly. These big gaps can be fixed quite easily by just previewing it and checking the spacing in the little edit box. Don't worry, it happens to everyone!

The cellar? Who's cellar, I wonder? If they've done something really bad, wouldn't they be in a cell somewhere like Azkaban?

Okay, so she was in the Battle...hmm. "They'll never happen They'll never come to you." These two sentences should have a full stop between them.

How does the wind blow into the cellar? I suppose the window could be open, but this is slightly unclear. "No one wanted to play with her." How old is she? Aw man, I really want to know who she is...

Errmigurd, she brought back VOLDEMORT!!!

Great story, really well-written and mysterious. Awesome job!

-Karou

Author's Response: HI!

Firstly thanks for your review. It means so much to me.

I know it's really mysterious. You don't know anything about the girl or what she's done and then it reveals something at the end.

I've fixed the spacing already - thanks for letting me know. I have also fixed the grammar mistake.

I'm really glad you liked it!

HEG :)


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