Reading Reviews for The Voice
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Veritaserum27 Chapter One

9th May 2014:
Hi Avi!

I'm here for review tag! I just realized that you were the one who posted here last!

This is so different from the other piece I just reviewed. You did a wonderful job of making Pansy completely psychotic. The voice is really believable. I even thought it was real! At the same time, you managed to weave enough details into the story to let the reader sympathize with Pansy. Although she is obviously about to commit a heinous crime, you still can relate to her and aren't exactly rooting against her. Nice job!

I liked the constant reference to Pansy's long dark hair - it is almost like it represents a curtain that shrouds her from the real world. She knows that she is pretty, but her hair seems to be her favorite feature and the description and placement of it in the story was a nice touch.

Good job with this story - and in so few words as well. That takes some serious talent.

Thanks again!

Beth (Veritserum27)

Author's Response: Hi Beth! :)

Argh, two reviews in a row from you. It feels like christmas! :D

Yes, it's VERY different from Young and Beautiful. And since I've never written anything like it, I was very afraid of how my readers would react to it. i don't even know how to react to it, when re-reading it! Haha :)
It makes me so happy to hear that you think it did a wonderful job writing Pansy. I love writing her, psychotic or not. She really is a character that could go either way, because we know so little of her and barely know where she stood during the war.
I really wanted to write her as a victim of a very disturbing voice (a voice from her subconsciousness) and to kind of pity her in the end. She really didn't know any better, since she's a pushover - in lack of better words.

And thank you so much for your review! I loved it :)

Aviaja


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Review #2, by Iellwen Chapter One

4th May 2014:
Avi!!!
Your one-shots truly are genius!

I can't believe how credible it felt to read about Pansy trusting a voice in her head, her reflection in the mirror! (Here's where I recommend AditiDraco's "Perfect" - but I don't know, is it okay to recommend another author {fellow snake ♥ } in a review? :/ )

I really, really love the way you used italics to seperate different times - it made the read really smooth!
I've never really looked at Pansy in such light, it was very enthralling! Pathetic at first, a bit creepy in the middle and way bananas by then end - man, what a strong ending.
I'll be checking your page for a sequel (and I'll most probably end up reading Psychopath because it's been calling to me for a while now and you mentionning it awakened the hunger!) because Pansy on a bloody rampage would be terrifyingly awesome to read :D

I mean, there's always that little voice in every head; that angry, arrogant, sneaky, surely insane and most probably evil little voice... Following its advices, trusting its poison, that's never going to end well!

I really love the way Pansy's reflection behaves, giving form to her Schyzophrenia. It's a really eerie sight when a mirror doesn't only reflect what we see or what we should see - it's plain creepy when your reflection isn't right. I play with shadows, but a flesh-form leaves an incredibly strong impression!

Had a lil' typo sneak in: 'We don not beg' the voice told her coldly, 'we will not sink that low.' (I always feel so smart, pointing out typos! Hehehe!) :D

Fun Fact:
This one-shot is the first fanfic I read in my new appartment (I've just moved and am using my very slow, very limited connection to procrastinate from unpacking ^^). Well, it's not really a fun fact, but I just wanted to let you know :)

I really love your writing style(s!), it's always a delight to read you whenever I can!! And you leave such great reviews! You're just awesome, with your green cape with its silver A! Can you fly, too? That seriously wouldn't surprise me anymore! :D

*Gee

Author's Response: Hi Gee! :D

Aw, thank you!

Yes, this story kind of takes a dramatic turn in the end! And I love how you described the story! Hahaha :D 'Pathetic at first, a bit creepy in the middle and way bananas by the end.' That's my story in one sentence :b

Well, if you loved reading this, then I'm sure you're gonna love 'Psycopath'! :)

Yes, Pansy is quite sick in this story and very delusional - schizofrenic and all that. She's innocent though, until the voice tells her to do that thing in the end - then she really turns into the voice's live puppet doll. Which is really creepy and what I was going for! :)

Yes, that typo has been mentioned in almost every review! :D Argh it haunts me! And as soon as I can, I'll fix it! :D

Uuuhh! That's exciting! I hope you'll like living in your new apartment! I love it when you're trying to get used to your new place, you feel so proud and so mature. Haha :)

And thank you so much for all your kind words! I always love to read your reviews :)

- Avi


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Review #3, by kenpo Chapter One

18th April 2014:
Hello!! I enjoyed Wild Rose (that's what it's called, right? Or Wild Roses?), so I'm reading this now!

The intro was weird, but I enjoyed it. It set tup the story well and left me, as a reader, intrigued. It was a really effective was to open the story.

"Her face was stern and pale"... waxen teen?! Is it Pansy?!?!? Oh gosh, that riddle really got to my head...

I love "honeyed voice". I'm not sure if I've ever seen a voice described like that before, but it's very nice.

It's a little strange to me that the voice is sometimes saying sort of nice things. I'm not saying I don't like it, but it's a really interesting and unique take on a voice in your head.

The fact that she answers the voice aloud is already really cool. I'm not sure exactly what that means or how I feel about it, but... very cool.

Alright, so this was a really well written story. She obviousl has some problems that she needs to ork out. You do a really fantastic job with giving us a calculating, creepy narrative. This entire story made me... uneasy. That's really difficult feeling to get out of a reader, so I applaud you.

I almost feel bat for Pansy. Almost. It's really sad about how closely her self-worth is tied to what Draco thinks of her. It's so unhealthy, but it happens in the real world, too.

One thing that I noticed:

You're missing a lot of commas in dialogue, before a tag.

"These are my words," she said.

You're missing the one after words. Also, there were one or two stops that "she" (or whatever) was capitalized. If you have a tag, you don't need that.

Other than the little note about the commas, this was absolutely fantastic and I'm really glad I read it!! I really need to read more of what you write!!

-Georgia

-Huffleclaw/Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza-

Author's Response: Hi again Georgia!

Hehe, yes, it's called 'The Wild Rose'. And I'm so happy you enjoyed reading it :)

Well, yes, the intro is a bit weird but I felt it was necessary to show how it all started.
I read a list of ways to describe a voice, and I saw 'honeyed voice' and it was described as the voice that was not to be trusted. So I thought 'okay, I haven't tried that before' and I went for it :)

Yes. The commas! My worst enemies, I never know where to put those little devils. I did recently learn to put them before the tag and not capitalize the first letter after the tags, so I need to read this story through and put it up for validation, after I've fixed them :) Hehe, but thanks for letting me know! I really need to learn it.

And thank you so much for your reviews! I loved reading them :)

Big hug,
Avi


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Review #4, by LavenderBlue Chapter One

15th April 2014:
Hello! LavenderBlue here, reporting from Slytherin Review Tag. :]

This review starts with a confession: I normal don't read fics about Trio Era characters. Like, ever. But the description of The Voice was too enticing to resist! You drew me in from the very beginning. I love stories about antiheroes and characters traditionally perceived as villains, and this story most certainly fit the bill.

Voice: You do an excellent job of creating a creepy, chilling tone from the outset. I think that mirrors are a common theme in horror because they reflect the horror that is inside a person--and that's the most horrifying horror of all! I seriously looked over my shoulder a couple of times while reading this. o.O

Character Development: I love how you characterize Pansy. She's no perfect heroine. She's insecure, vindictive, and she finds far too much of her identity in Draco. These are heavy flaws, indeed, but somehow you make Pansy a character that I strangely want to be happy, that I'm rooting for right up until the minute that she decides to go murderous. I think what I like best about her characterization is that moment of exponential growth we see toward the end. In the HP books, I'd always seen Pansy as weak, marriage-obsessed, and unable to think for herself. But this closing passage shows Pansy claiming agency and independence--albeit in a less than healthy way.

Plot: Of course this is a one-shot, and more of a character study than anything else. But as far as character studies go, I found it to be compelling. I got a sense early on that Pansy's relationship with "the voice" would escalate. I simply hadn't expected it to escalate to murderous urges. The final passage gave me chills, and that's a good sign that you've crafted an engaging plot.

Technical: I did notice some consistent technical troubles throughout, most of which were sentence tags (a lack of commas after dialogue or a capitalized dialogue tag instead of lowercase one). My only other area of concern is an overuse of ellipses. I suggest combing through your work and nixing ellipses that aren't entirely necessary. A well-placed "..." can do wonders, but when there are too many, they lose their meaning. Which you definitely don't want to happen in a piece like this!

All told, I think this is a fascinating and unique one-shot, and I'm so glad I got the chance to review. Great work!

Author's Response: Hi!

So sorry for taking so long to answer your review :)
I love the way you review, dividing it up in different setions/parts. I'm so happy you liked how I characterized Pansy. Like you, I always thought of her as a weak, easily manipulated girl - so she's one of the perfect characters to use when wanting to write a psycopathic story of.

I'm so glad you mentioned the mirror. That's exactly what I was going for - because the voice is obviously a creation from her own unstable mind, and I used the mirror to kind of reflect that. Of course she doesn't really know it's herself but yeah... crazy people don't always know they're crazy.

I will definitely have this story beta-read. I'm not a native speaker, so I have big troubles with grammar, since english has so many different rules than my own. But thank you for pointing it out :)

And thank you so much for reviewing! Even though it wasn't your usual era :D
I found your reveiw very helpful.
- Avi


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Review #5, by CambAngst Chapter One

14th April 2014:
Tagging you from Review Tag!

I was scanning through your Author Page, looking for something to read and review, and I saw the chapter summary for this. "Read and review." It was like a sign. ;)

About a third of the way through this, I was convinced that Pansy had found the Mirror of Erised. It fit so well with the way that the mirror was telling her all the things she wanted to hear, reassuring her that Draco would come back to her. Then I got to the part where her reflection told her to kill Draco and his new love and I thought, "Nope. Not the Mirror of Erised."

You wove a wonderfully dark vision of Pansy's gradual descent into madness. I never thought of her as having a particularly strong identity aside from her determination to become Mrs. Draco Malfoy, and this played nicely into that characterization. She's vain, self-centered and obviously imbalanced. It isn't a struggle to imagine these events actually playing out, especially following the stresses of the war.

Your story had a nice progression, from harmless self-delusion to dangerous dependence all the way to violent retribution against the perceived wrongs Draco had inflicted on her.

I saw a couple of things while I was reading that I thought were worth pointing out:

She missed being loved, being hugged and share her nights with him. -- to keep all of your verbs in the same voice, I would change "share" to "sharing"

"We don not beg" the voice told her coldly, "we will not sink that low." -- We do not beg.

Overall, a great little one-shot you have here. Good job!

Author's Response: Hi!

So sorry for not answering your love review any sooner! It's just so nice to log on and see a number on the unanswered reviews :b :D

Haha, I was so surprised when you mentioned the Mirror of Erised. I hadn't thought of that while writing this, but I understand how it was confusing.

Me too. I've always pictured her as someone that was easily manipulated. I like writing her as someone that was on the verge of being crazy or just plain crazy :)

Thank you for pointing those out! I'll fix them as soon as I can :) When I re-read the story after it was validated, I saw that 'don not', haha :)

And thank you so much for reviewing :) Even though it was for the review-tagging thread :b
- Avi


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Review #6, by patronus_charm Chapter One

9th April 2014:
I assumed reviewing this would be fine as you posted it last time plus it looks interesting!

Wow, this was really cool! I loved the stylistic choices with how you mixed up the flashbacks and the present tense as it made this one-shot so much fuller if that makes sense and provided such a wide perspective of what happened to Pansy and how that caused her to act later on. It made the story have a really creepy story too throughout as you were never really sure what the voice was going to say or suggest next and it was just like ahaha drama!

I would watch your grammar in places as in some places you forgot possessive apostrophes and in other cases your dialogue punctuation was off, with missing commas and such. There are some really great tutorials on the forums on how to improve and I really suggest reading them as it helped me a ton and theyíre really easy to understand too.

I really loved how you tied this into Draco and Pansyís relationship though. It was really interesting to see them together as it was a different take to how I tend to see them with Draco cheating on Pansy (was it with Hermione with the blood status comment), and then how he begs to have her back. At first I was like whoo girl power say no to the cheater, and then when the voice turned more and more evil with the way it kept on calling her beautiful to make her believe it and the darker and darker thoughts it kept on feeding her, it was just like no Pansy be girl power and ignore it donít listen to it.

I really wish there could be a follow up story to this as it will be interesting to see whether she goes through with it and what the consequences of it are. This was such an interesting one-shot!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana :)

Sorry for not responding any sooner.

It is totally fine that you picked this :) I'm so glad you liked it. But yeah, I really have to learn a few things about grammar and punctuations and so on. I have read a few topics in the forums, they're great! I may have to re-read them again, haha :)

Hmm. I was actually thinking of Hermione while writing this but I made sure her name wasn't mentioned. I was surprised you guessed it was her :)

Yeah, Pansy is really 'weak' in this story, and I wanted the voice to be one of her strengths. Obviously not in a good way and I'm glad you observed that!

Thank you so much for your review :) And I'll take in your suggestion and read the tutorials in the forums.

- Avi


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Review #7, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter One

7th April 2014:
Hey there, I'm here for our swap :D.

Plot/plot arch: Pansy's mental instability is astoundingly thrilling, and I do love stories that feature characters with mental instabilities. I really liked the concept of her reflection becoming a 'living', speaking entity that Pansy could interact with on certain levels (at least, while she was staring into a mirror). Are you ready for my best guess as to what the haunting voice/reflection was? From what I can surmise, this entity reflects Pansy's inner-most thoughts and feelings -- one's that she may not be able to confront herself. What better way to represent inner turmoil than personifying the character's mirror image who brings life to said turmoil? I think it's a brilliant element that you've added to the story. Furthermore, this entity acts as a source of confidence and motivation for Pansy. While she's devastated that her relationship with Draco is over, the reflection tells her that she's beautiful, and that Draco never deserved her. So on and so fourth until we reach the end, when things really get interesting. The image, or perhaps Pansy's inner self, is telling her that she should kill Draco and the other girl. What a wonderful bout of madness... I love this psycho Pansy.

Characterization: Pansy -- WOW psychoPansy! Gosh, I love every bit of her ♥ . I don't think that I would change anything about her.

Detail: You've payed little attention to extraneous detail, which is a fantastic tactic as this stories focal point is on the inner workings of Pansy's (unstable) mind. I also think that this was a nice choice because extra detail could have taken away from Pansy's mental state.

Style: I do love the flashbacks in between "real-time" sections of text. Flashbacks have the tendency to reveal relevant information without having to come right out and say it -- which is exactly what you've done here, bravo!

Note/other: I think psychoPansy! has become part of my secret crazyCast! head cannon (along with insaneVoldy! and derangedFenrir!). Welcome to the crazyCast!, Pansy! ;) You did a fantastic job!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi Rumpel!

Wow, I love your style! I've never been reviewed like this before.

Your guess on who the voice was, is spot on! That's exactly what I was going for. Pansy being an unstable woman, always second guessing herself and having little, if any, selv-confidence, I imagined she'd be able to unintentionally create an alter ego. An evil one, at that.

And I'm so happy you loved my crazy, psycho Pansy! *jumping up and down in joy*
And thank you for welcoming my psychoPansy! to the crazyCast! :b I bet she'll love the company!

Thank you so much for your review! It really cheered me up.

Big hug,
Avi


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Review #8, by LightLeviosa5443 Chapter One

7th April 2014:
Woah. Dude. You've got a knack for writing psycho Pansy! I love it!

This was really really wonderful! I really loved how you had the voice prey at her emotions, and warp what she was thinking. It was a weird kind of dependency thing that gave me chills and made me afraid to look in the mirror. I really loved the imagery you used and the flow of the story was just flawless.

I really really enjoyed this. I wish I had more words to leave you a really long and lovely review like you always leave me. I feel bad! I can't beleive this isn't linked to Psycopath, it fits so well. I just really love all of your writing. It's all so wonderful.

xoxo Sarah ♥

Author's Response: Sarah! :)

You make me so happy! I'm so glad you think that I'm good at writing Psycho Pansy, it means so much to me. I seriously love writing her, she's the perfect character to write as crazy and unstable. Maybe because we know so little about her and that she's a Slytherin.

When I wrote this, I wasn't even thinking of 'Psycopath' and when I read the story one more time before posting it, I noticed that it sounded very familiar and that it somehow could be linked to it. Funny, because that wasn't my intention at all, haha :D

Thank you so much for your lovely reviews, they always make me happy.

Love,
Avi


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Review #9, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing Chapter One

1st March 2014:
Hi there.

So this, this was really dark. You actually made me feel sorry for Pansy though, something I never ever ever thought I'd feel so good job there!

The voice, it's so cruel and so kind at the same time! I wasn't sure whether she was schizophrenic or if the voice was some kind of soul left in the castle... it really reminded me of Ginny and Tom Riddle though... I'm not sure if that's what you were going for though!

You did a great job of telling the story... Pansy's hate for herself that is then twisted until eventually it's turned her into someone willing to kill. It actually gave me shivers at the end.

Great job on an awesome one-shot!

Lauren :)

Gryffindor V Slytherin review battle: story with no reviews 4 of 5

Author's Response: Hi!

For starters, I love your penname!

I'm so glad you found it dark. That was just what I was going for.

Pansy is schizophrenic in this story, but I can understand that it can be a little confusing since her reflection is moving on it's own - sort of.

Thank you so much for review! I loved it.

Oh, you're so lucky. I hope you all had fun with the battle between Gryffindor and Slytherin! I didn't have time for it... Which is the reason to why it took so long to response to your lovely review!

-Aviaja


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