Reading Reviews for Never Too Late
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Veritaserum27 Rest in Peace

23rd May 2014:
Hello!

I'm here for the review swap!

I think this is a great first chapter. Your descriptions are so well played out, but not overdone. The way you explain what is happening instead of just "saying" it pulls the reader into the story. Right from the start with the depiction of the driving, I was sucked in. I had to know more about this character, who she was, where she was going and where she came from.

I love the premise of the story. It is entirely believable that death eaters would have had one last hurrah before they truly realized that their leader was gone and that they would soon be captured and taken to Azkaban. My heart ached for the girl.

The telling of her life for the past five years seems so sad and you did a fabulous job describing the grief. Perhaps she feels that it will never go away because she hasn't dealt with it adequately. Maybe she needs to have someone with her who knows her and can help her through it.

I love chapters that end with a twist and you delivered quite nicely! Remus, huh?

This looks to be the start of a very promising story. We don't know much about what Remus did between the time Lily and James were killed and he was made professor at Hogwarts, so there is a lot to play with there.

Nice job and thank you so much for doing a review swap!

~Beth (Veritaserum27)

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Review #2, by Anon Rest in Peace

14th May 2014:
Oh, I love this. The emotions that you have created are just perfection. I just cannot express how much I like it. It is just. I have no words. Congratulations

-Anon

Author's Response: Oh my! You're too kind, thank you! I'm glad you liked it and that you reviewed. You made my week!

-Vicky


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Review #3, by monstrosity Rest in Peace

18th April 2014:
Hello!
So a really really long time ago you requested a review and I, being the horrible person I am, have finally arrived to give it to you. I'm unbelievably sorry for how long it took for me to get here, I had to go on an unexpected hiatus and I totally understand if you never want to request for a review from me again.

Coming to your story, I think that it's definitely got the right amount of suspense to keep me reading. The plot is quite different from any other simply because while it's situated during the First Wizarding War, the protagonist's parents died soon after the war ended. You know, it never once occurred to me that they Death Eaters would rebel after the death of their leader. I sort of assumed that they would run into hiding. However, this violent out break is perfectly plausible and much more likely than my assumption.

I do have a couple of suggestions for you. You seem to be switching your tenses quite a bit. Here's an example:

I got out of the car and started walking up the small hill. It had stopped raining and the ground was very wet and muddy, with small puddles every other step. I didnít care. I kept going, puddles and muddy water donít make a difference to me.

I reach the top and stop. I look at the sky, gloomy, dull and gray and I feel exactly the same. Ι donít know if itís the sky reflecting my emotions, or if Iím reflecting the weather, but the connection is present and strong.

See? You started out with past tense and then moved into present. What I notice is that every time you delve into your protagonist's past, you tend to mix up the tenses. It's not a big deal and I'm sure with a quick read it can be fixed. Another slight issue is the POV. I see that you plan to tell the story from the First POV but somewhere in the middle you start using Second POV as well. While this certainly does involve the readers more, it adds a bit of inconsistency and sort of hampers the flow of the story.

One last tiny thing. I notice that you haven't included your protagonist's name anywhere in the chapter. While this does add a bit more intrigue to the chapter, I personally like it when the name is introduced at least halfway through the first chapter. Maybe that's just me, though.


Now that all the constructive criticism is out of the way, I can gush about that many bits that I loved. Some of your descriptions were BEAUTIFUL. I especially loved the bit about yellow walls and the universe laughing at her.

The one thing that truly impresses me is that, looking back, not much really happened in this chapter. It's about a girl entering a house she hasn't visited for five years. Yet the tiny details you include like the puddles and the shadows and the furniture really fill up the lack of action. All these details act like portkeys enabling the readers to travel into Rachel's past and effortlessly return to the present. Wonderful job, dear.

Another thing that I would like to commend you on is your use of short sentences. Short sentences are tricky to handle because if used in excess that can prove to be rather overbearing. However, I rather enjoyed some of the short sentences you included like how Harry and Rachel both became orphans that Halloween. The sheer power in that statement was mind-blowing, infinitely more effective than any longwinded explanation.

Overall, it's a really interesting story that I can't wait to see updated. I'm so curious as to know what Remus is doing in her house and the sort of relationship he and Rachel share. I hope that you found this review a bit useful and once again I'm extremely sorry for the delay!

-Sathya

Author's Response: Hello there! Thanks for reviewing and don't worry about taking a long time, it's absolutely no problem! I also take my time, with responding or updating or anything really, I understand, I'm never in a hurry! :P

First of all, I want to say that I will re-request a review for the next chapter just because you were so kind and helpful and the length of your review is unbelievable. It's so obvious that you put time and effort in reviewing and I appreciate it so much!

To my defense, English isn't my first language so I'm sorry for the grammar mistakes and any mistakes in general.
I see that I do have some trouble with the tenses. I haven't noticed it before, but people have been mentioning it and now I know.I'll try to fix it and be more careful in the future.

About the POV, I wasn't aware that it was a problem, or at least an issue for the reader. Thanks for mentioning it, I'll try to maybe make smoother transitions or change it completely. probably make it smoother, cause I like the changes. I'm planning to write the next chapter from a completely different POV and maybe it's too much. I'll be more careful about it, thank you.

I like that mystery of not knowing who the character is, especially since it's an original character and it's a total stranger to the reader. I actually like that to stories that I read myself.

Thank you for all your kind words and I'm very happy that there were small things in the story that you enjoyed. like the descriptions and the details about the house.I'm trying to improve and I've been told that I tend to skip descriptions and that I write really long sentences that make no sense, so I'm happy I could somehow change that and use the criticism in a constructive way!

Thank you so much for being so kind and helpful, really, I appreciate it!I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks for reviewing!

-Vicky


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Review #4, by marauderfan Rest in Peace

12th March 2014:
Hufflepuff review tag!

oooh, what a great start. You've conveyed the emotions and detachment really well, from her good memories of her childhood home,to the bad memories of losing her parents on Halloween of 1981.

Your character has a good back story too, with how she disappeared from the wizarding world for five years until she was ready to face it again. It only adds to the intensity of her going back home, makes her long period of standing on the porch remembering a lot more poignant.

And Remus! What is he doing there? Hmm, I assume they went to Hogwarts together - interested to find out their story.

One thing you might want to look at/be careful with is your verb tenses, as it kind of flips between present and past (not including the flashbacks). Like the last section begins with "I take a deep breath" and a bit later is "Suddenly I heard"... if you have trouble with tenses and stuff, maybe consider a beta as they can help with catching stuff like this :)

But anyway, it's a great beginning! I'm really intrigued to see where it will go from here! Great work so far, I like it. :)

Author's Response: Hello there fellow 'Puff!

I'm so very happy you liked it, your words are very kind and you made my day!

I realized very recently that I have issues with past/present tenses, I'll try to be more careful and pay extra attention to it! thanks for pointing it out!

Thanks for taking the time to read and review :)

-Vicky


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Review #5, by academica Rest in Peace

9th March 2014:
Hello, I'm here with your requested review!

Okay, interesting start! You're building some suspense here with the narrative of a character who has been alone by her own choice coming back to her childhood home, perhaps to confront the reality of what happened to her. I'm curious to see what her connection to Remus is, but I'm guessing by your summary that they either used to be romantically connected and lost touch or used to be friends and will become something more.

One thing I want to suggest is that you use the Simple Editor when posting chapters. I notice that you have some large gaps of space that are a bit distracting, and that often comes from using MS Word to post straight into the normal editor. The Simple Editor will eliminate that, though you'll have to input your own bolds, italics, etc.

I don't see anything off about the structure. You've done a good job of explaining what your main character's exile was like and how it came about, after transitioning from the present where she got lost in memories. I often see people use really abrupt transitions, like just marking the start of a memory instead of fading gently into it, and I'm glad you avoided that issue here. Your descriptions are detailed enough to bring a rationale to the sequence of events but not so involved that the narrative and plot get lost.

You've got a few typos and missing words that you might want to go back and address, just to improve the clarity. For example, "focus in driving" and "my mind starts to wonder." A beta can help you clear up some of these errors. In the same vein, it's "invisibility cloak," not "invincibility" and "crashing the party," not "crushing." I'm not sure if these are typos or if maybe English isn't your first language, but again, a beta can help you clear all of that up.

I don't think this is too melodramatic. You have some elements of that with the drinking, but again it makes sense given the trauma your main character experienced. She didn't go off the rails and fantasize about killing Death Eaters or rant about how unfair it was that so many people survived that night and her parents didn't. So far, I don't see anything that strikes me as cliche, so good job on that front.

Thanks for requesting! Hope this review is helpful, and feel free to re-request if you like.

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hello, thanks so much for reviewing!

I'm glad that you thought it was interesting! I haven't decided yet what kind of relationship she had with Remus but I'm leaning towards them being friends.I'm still working on a lot of the details of the story line.

I will fix the spaces and the gaps, I didn't think they were distracting because there're many short sentences and I thought it wasn't a problem.Anyway, I will take care of that, thank you.

I'm happy that the transition was smooth and not distracting. I used to write a story that every chapter was half the present and half a memory and though I still like the general idea of it, I think it made the story weaker. Glad I avoided that.

English isn't my fist language, so yeah, I was expecting to be mistakes.I really appreciate you pointing them out, I could never catch them myself. I always confuse wander/wonder and crush is the only word I never get right, don't know why. I will try to get a beta, but I just wanted to have a more specific plan for the story first. I will correct all these mistakes, as soon as possible, thank you!

Yes, I think that fantasizing about killing Death Eaters or being resentful for the people that survived would be over the top and she would have totally different problems then. I want to make her a rational person, very level-headed and calm, now ready to come in terms with her past. Hope I can write her as such a person.


Your review was very helpful and I really appreciate it :) I will definitely re-request for the next chapter when I update.

-Vicky


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Review #6, by lindslo2012 Rest in Peace

5th March 2014:
Hey there!
Here for the review swap!
I am very impressed with this chapter.
I feel I am there with her and I want to give her a hug!
She doesn't deserve to lose parents and neither did Harry..
I like the way that you told the story of how the Death Eaters went on a killing spree after Lord Voldemort is dead.
I can imagine that they would most likely go and kill people in order to try and stay loyal to Voldemort, hoping he would somehow reward them someday for keeping loyal.
I hate that she had to experience her parents dyin but I am glad that she was on the roof- away from the attack.
I am eager to read more and to find out what is going on between her and Remus. Please re-request once you get a new chapter in and I have no CC for you, you did well!!! :D
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Hello there!
Thanks for taking time to review!
I'm very happy that you liked it.Yes, I feel for her too, she spent a lot of time by herself and she was in a bad place but she wants to change and move forward, so that is a good thing.
I think that Death Eaters were very confused people that grew up in a world full of prejudice and a lot of hate and that's why they choose to follow Voldemort and when he was gone, they had no real direction and they were lost.
I will re-request when I have the next chapter but it might take a while. :)
anyway , thank you so much, Vicky


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Review #7, by Cannons Rest in Peace

2nd March 2014:
Hey, I'm reviewing this for the 'Blackout Bingo'

You did a truly magnificent job with setting the scene at the beginning. I felt like I was actually in the car with them with them with the bad weather surrounding us.

I like how you've given the main character some depth in the first chapter by telling the reader about how they have shrunk away from the wizarding world after the fall of Voldemort. Also you've created a connection with Harry with how they are both orphans which is interesting.

The only things I would suggest is changing 'yard' to 'garden' as English people don't tend to use the word 'yard'

Also you've written 'O' instead of 'I' but that's just me being pedantic!

Overall I thought this was a really dark, intriguing and ultimately a fun read!

Cannons

Author's Response: I'm very new at the forums, I don't really know what 'Blackout Bingo' is, but I'm glad you reviewed!
I'll correct the "o" and the "garden" first chance I get, and I really appreciate you mentioning it. English is my 2nd language, so these kind of mistakes are bound to happen.
I think that Pre-Hogwarts is an underrated era and people are never unscarred after a war, so I really wanted to write about these people and how they struggled.I'm glad you liked the first part, with the driving and the car, makes me happy!
I really appreciate you reading and reviewing , thank you so much!
best wishes, vicky :)


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