Reading Reviews for Invisible in Death
  
18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pretense Of Perfection Ghostly Day

30th July 2014:
Aw, poor Myrtle! Even though she does have one of those personalities that most people can't stand to be around, I do feel really bad for her.

Obviously you did a wonderful job creating a sense of sympathy from your readers for Myrtle. Her pain is so clear, it almost jumps from the pages. We know from canon that Olive Hornby teased her mercilessly, and you really portrayed that well. I think you stayed true to both girls characters, with Myrtle being sort of pitiful and hopeless, and Olive being just a straight bully.

I love that you incorporated Hagrid and his love of magical creatures, even if Olive tried to turn that into something negative. I will admit it brought an interesting question to my mind...Hagrid/Myrtle? I bet people would stop making fun of her, they'd probably be terrified or making Hagrid angry! I'm assuming Tom was the prefect she ran into? That was also a nice touch.

I think the plot and pacing were perfect, and I really like how you didn't just jump right into Myrtle's death, but rather built up to it slowly, and sort of left your readers wondering when with all of her crying trips to the bathroom. As usual, you did a wonderful job with spelling and grammar, as I don't recall seeing any errors.

Definitely another great story. It was wonderfully written, and you did such an amazing job with setting the scene, I literally felt like I could have been Myrtle in certain situations (and poor girl...I think goodness that I am not her, lol!).

-- Fae

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Review #2, by Ravenclaw333 Ghostly Day

26th June 2014:
I've seen this story a couple of times while stalking your author page (we do a lot of review swaps!) and I'm glad I finally checked it out! I think Myrtle is one of the most misrepresented/misunderstood characters in HP and it pains me every time she's used as comic relief and nothing else, and you've done a really good job presenting her here as a complex and tragic character. It honestly hurt so much to read this - how lonely she was, the way she was mercilessly bullied and how Olive's teasing her about her glasses was the straw that broke the camel's back, as it were. You present her with so much sympathy, and I really like the insights into the ghost world as well and her conversation with the Grey Lady. And, oh man, that line "You care now that I'm dead, none of you talked to me while I was alive" KILLED me.

Wonderful story, poignant and insightful. Great job as always!

Author's Response: I don't know where to start with this lovely review! One, I'm glad this story had curb-appeal. Two, I kind of died squeeing because you liked her characterization (espec. compared to other portrayals of Myrtle).

I don't think I've read many stories that feature Myrtle - but I do agree that she's often boiled down to a charactericture. I wrote this as a part of showing a Ravenclaw in a story and she was my first choice because of how often she's not given any depth.

It's vindictive, but I'm glad it was painful to read. I did feel a bit of angst while writing it too. When I was researching Myrtle and coming up with these events, I did start to sympathize with her more than I have in the past.

The ghost world stuff was really a carryover from my writer's duel entry from February. I couldn't help but connect the two stories with the Grey Lady.

Thank you so much for a wonderful review!

-Rose


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Review #3, by kenpo Ghostly Day

27th May 2014:
Hey! Swap!

It'll be a long time before I run out of things to review... I've hardly scrapped the surface of your novels!

OH MY GOD. I'M SO MAD AT OLIVE.

That is a violation of the universal sisterhood of menstruation. You see a girl struggling to cover up a stain from a surprise, you offer to walk closely behind her to the bathroom! You don't make fun of her! Rah!!!

OLIVE. AGAIN. What a... a... non12+ words!!!

THIS WAS SO GOOD. HOW DO YOU DO THIS?!?

Will she ever find out that Hagrid had nothing to do with her death?

I think you're characterisation of Myrtle was fantastic. She seemed a little less dramatic, but it makes sense that her time as a ghost might make her a tad more... sensitive. What I think is interesting is that in her life, it seems like her feelings are pretty rational and justified.

Then in death, we can very clearly see her starting to spiral into borderline insanity...

I like the Grey Lady's part in the story, as well as you're ideas about ghosts and them materializing.

This was also a good example of how the bad can often outshine the good. She had a pretty nice time with William, but then the actions of Olive completely erased any shred of happiness that she had following their interaction.

You did a really nice job keeping this in canon, but still making the characters and story your own. I particularly liked Hagrid... he can be difficult to write, but I really love to read him!

Fantastic one-shot. I'm not surprised ;)

-Georgia

Author's Response: I thought you had read some of each of my novels - oh well. More swaps for me!!!

GOOD - BEING MAD AT OLIVE IS WHAT I WANTED HERE.

Yeah, it's a pretty low thing to not cover up for someone when that happens. I know guys who even know and follow that rule.

She is a stream of mature swear words. *nods*

I REACHED INTO THE AWKWARDNESS OF MY HIGH SCHOOL DAYZ.

Ugh, no, because if she figured it out then Hagrid wouldnt' have gone around his whole life with the chamber of secrets stuff hanging over his head.

I like to think most people see themselves as logical - even if they're completed messed up, from their POV, it all makes sense. I try to write people as if they make sense in their own context (even though they might be imbalanced or warped)I think that's why she seems much less annoying.

Yeah, she kind of loses her cool after death. I guess it's justified though. She just felt it was all unfair.

I had to tie the Grey Lady in after writing about her in Choreographed Affair. IT WAS A MUST.

Great point about the bad outshining the bad - without Olive butting in there, she might have been able to enjoy a really positive boy experience.

Hagrid was hard to write and keep the discourse respectable. I don't like making him sound stupid just because he talks differently. anyway, I'm really glad you liked how he came across!

*hugs* you're too sweet. :D

Thank you for a fantastic review!

-Rose


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Review #4, by HEG Ghostly Day

26th May 2014:
Hello there! I'm here for our review swap :)

Plot/Plot Arc: So your challenge was to write a murfer mystery story about Moaning Myrtle after she had had a very bad week. I think that the week could have been slightly longer because I'd like to know a little more about Olive but I think you completed the challenge sucsessfully. I love all of the descriptions of no one liking Myrtle. They're actually quite funny. I've never paticualrly liked Mrytle but she's an interesting charcter. I like the parts where you have included Hagrid to - did it mention in the HP series that Mrytle was a lover of great beast? It's probably just me. Of course we know that the Basalisk killed Myrtle but at the time I suppose that she just assumed that it was Olive. One thing I was confused on is: How come Olive couldn't see Mrytle? In the books and the films I'm pretty much certain that she was visible.

Emotions/Detail: This one shot is quite detailed and descriptive. I think that that is one of your strengths. The emotion clearly shines through in this. Myrtle is ovbiously miserable which gives the one shot a whole mood. I often get the idea that Myrtle is jealous of others because she wishes that she has their look, personality or talents. While Olive may not seem like a nice person in this I think that it may be to do with the fact that it is written from Myrtle's point of view and she does not like Olive. You could tell that she was cheddared when she was partenered up with Will and then very dissapointed.

Characterisation: I like your charaterisation. It's very realistic and sometimes you use it in a humoruos way. I paticularly liked your charcterisation of Hagrid. His accent has totally been nailed whcih gives it a real effect. The dialogue was beliveable too. *Luaghs* at the awkward situation in the trophy room. Hagrid may seem big, rough, tough and hairy on the outside but on the inside he's as soft as a baby kitten. Even though Myrtle seems miserable and unpopular, she's just the type who loves a bit of revenge. I really don't like her in the last paragraph. It's so unfair on Olive. She didn't do anything wrong. You know sometimes, you want to go inside a book and change things round? Well that's what I want to do now. I want Myrtle to haunt VOldemort :)

Awsome read.

HEG

Author's Response: Hello!

Hmm, yeah, I did make the week more like 2 days. I wasn't sure how long I wanted this to be and giving her a full week of blah stuff seemed kind of tedious to write. I could probably write a bit more about Olive - in a backstory sense - to add to her development here. haha, no one really likes Myrtle. The liking beasts was meant to be about Hagrid but a jab at Myrtle. I'll have to reword that so it's clearer. So, I was at a roadblock with how to write about her death. If she *knew* it was a basaslisk then she would have said something to Dippet or Dumbledore. I kept her in the dark about how she was killed so that it wouldn't bother me so much that the people in charge never figured it out. I made the visibility thing something that the ghost has to choose to do - the Grey Lady explained that to her. It was another hting that bothered me about her story. If she was a ghost, why didn't they question Myrtle about her death? I mean, it would have been obvious by her description of her death later that it wasn't Hardig and they might have identified the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets. so, I came up with the bit about her not being visible at first. Of course, Olive would have been quite traumatrized just seeing a dead body.

I'm really pleased that you like the descriptions I gave here. I was trying to make a case for pitying Myrtle (even if it's just a little). Myrtle definitely struggles with a combination of jealousy and lonliness. Her and Olive's dislike is quite mutual but Olive tends to have the upperhand when it comes to any sort of power play between them.

Whoo! I'm always happy when people like how I've characterized in a story. It was important for me to get Hagrid right - at least not as wrong as I've seen him done in other stories. The trophy room bit does show Hagrid's gooey center in some ways - he was completely at a loss for how to handle that. You are the only person who has felt bad for Olive at that point in the story - I'm kind of impressed. I wish Myrtle had figured out it was Voldemort who killed her but, alas, that would have meant a completely different book series.

Thanks for the incredible and detailed review! Much appreciated.

-Rose


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Review #5, by lumos_knox Ghostly Day

22nd May 2014:
Hello, I'm here for the review swap!

I am really liking this story. I feel so sorry for Myrtle. That horrible Olive Hornby, she deserves to be haunted after what she's done to Myrtle. It was good to see Goldstein at least be nice to her. How horrible to have it happen right in the middle of class? Absolute worst case scenario...

Your description in this story is spot on. It really works beautifully for the story. Your descriptions of Myrtle and her feelings are almost there, the only thing I would say is to have Myrtle a little more distraught seeing her body and all. Maybe the time after her death moved a little quickly.

As for Olive Hornby... well, you leave me feeling annoyed at her, that's for sure. She is a horrid, horrid young girl and I think you captured her well. Her reaction to seeing Myrtle dead is quite clever as it shows she is not completely satisfied with Myrtle's death.

As for your grammar, that was brilliant too. Nothing bad to say about that.

I'm also a big fan of the plot, you've kept canon very nicely but moulded Myrtle into your very own character. She seems to like taking refuge in the bathrooms which we are told in the Chamber of Secrets by JKR. You've done a great job there.

All in all, I want to congratulate you for your amazing writing skills. Very amazing piece of writing, this is. Keep up the good work!

- lumos_knox

Author's Response: Hello!!

Thank you so much for doing this!

One thing I wanted to justify through this story was Myrtle's incessant haunting of Olive. before I did this story I thought it was a bit extreme that Myrtle pestered one person like she did. I'm really glad I made it seem justified through this story. :D Yeah, her incident in class was a bit horrific - any girl can relate to how mortifying that would be.

I debated how much Myrtle would go into depth over her death right away. I imagine she's in shock at first, but there could have been more grief there. Mostly I wanted to steer her straight to revenge.

Olive wasn't meant to be likable - annoying and evil are two good ways to describe how I envisioned her. I struggled a bit with her motivation though.

I'm so happy that you liked hte plot - it was a lot of fun to give more depth to Myrtle's story and line it up with what we know from canon.

Ah, thank you so much! That's such a nice thing to say. *squee* I can't thank you enough for such a fabulous review!

-Rose


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Review #6, by GingeredTea Ghostly Day

20th May 2014:
This was brilliant! It had me laughing, and falling into serious silences.

You entrance was perfect and the orientation you provided was just enough without making it feel drawn out. I loved wondering "when is she going to be in the bathroom" and that you didn't choose to go there immediately.

I felt terrible for her, but also laughed when she materialized to Olive.

Brilliant and very impressive.

Thank you for the awesome read!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the awesome review!! It's really great to hear that it was a good pace and was both funny and serious. :D Writing the scene where Myrtle materialized in Olive's room was one of my favorite bits of the story - very satisfying.

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Review #7, by CambAngst Ghostly Day

23rd April 2014:
Hi, Rose! I saw you post something about this the other day and had a chance to read it. I wanted to get back to you and leave some feedback as soon as I could.

You did an awesome job of humanizing Myrtle. You took the sparse details of her back story that we learned in the books and fleshed in a very compelling, very sympathetic characterization of a poor, muggle-born outsider. The details fit so well, the way that the popular pureblood students tormented her, the unintentional way that her mother makes things even worse, and the way that her predicament twisted her perspective to an extent.

The whole scene in the Charms classroom... wow, talk about kicking a character while she's down. She was so close to having a "breakthrough" sort of moment of happiness and even that gets spoiled for her.

Assuming that he was involved in planning the attack on Myrtle, you've got to admire Tom Riddle's cleverness and cunning here. Acting through intermediaries, using existing and well-known hostilities between the Slytherins and the other students to cover his tracks...brilliant stuff.

Poor Hagrid! I'd always assumed that he was only implicated in the attacks because of his interest in dangerous magical creatures. This was a whole other level of fiendish.

I really liked Myrtle's vindictive streak and I felt like it added a lot to the story. If she'd tried, she probably could have figured out that Hagrid was a victim as well, but she's beyond that kind of logic by this point. She's lashing out at everyone who, in her mind, wronged her.

I hope that she tormented Olive mercilessly until the nasty, pureblood witch had to withdraw from school! That's just me, of course. ;)

Great job with this, and good luck in your challenges!

Author's Response: Hi Dan!! It's such a lovely surprise to get a review on this! :D

It was a challenge to make Myrtle into more than an annoying teenaged ghost. She doesn't offer up much in the books to make her likable (or even relatable) but I wanted to make her at least seem like a real person. I'm so happy that she felt mor ereal after reading this and garnered some sympathy.

I felt bad about writing the scene in the Charms classroom. It's an uncomfortable event when that happens to girls (the bleedthrough) and having someone like Olive jump on it was just cruel.

I like to think that Tom was involved in some circuitous way. He'd want to stay removed enough that Olive couldn't connect him to Myrtle's death (or maybe she'd just be too scared to). I don't think he was involved in Olive's hatred of Myrtle but used it as a tool to be leveraged at the right time.

it did seem extra-evil to have him involved with this prank and have that also lead towards the assumption of guilt later. Though, writing this really made me see how faulty their attempt at justice is in the Wizarding world. The simplest interrogation of Myrtle would have exonerated Hagrid.

One reason that I had to leave the story where I did was that I couldn't think of a reason for her *not* to figure out who her murderer was. If I were murdered and had some sort of lucid existence afterwards, I'd be hot on the trail of my killer. She is pushed past reason here and is likely to just torment Olive.

The books allude to the fact that Myrtle haunted Olive through her adult years. A dark interpratation of that could have Myrtle making Olive seem psychotic or pushing into some psychosis. :D

Thank you so much for the wonderful review! I always enjoy getting reviews from you.

-Rose


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Review #8, by Rumpelstiltskin Ghostly Day

12th April 2014:
I am here with your challenge review :D.

Plot/plot arch: You definitely captured the 'bad week' prompt; poor Myrtle! Between the teasing about her weight, her glasses, and her general awkwardness, things couldn't get much worse for her. Except for the fact that it did...it got much, much worse. It's really bad enough to be teased, but to be tricked into thinking that somebody likes you... well that's just cruel. Poor Hagrid was dragged into the situation and, although kind-hearted, he unwillingly became part of the joke. Olive, the M-rated word, played an unforgivable prank, in my opinion. I think I feel worse for Myrtle than I did for Snape in the Marauder years (which, as you know, is a big leap). It wasn't bad enough that she was publicly humiliated when she started "flowering" in class, mercilessly teased by Olive for it, no less, but to give the girl false hope and take it away from her...that's evil. I'm not surprised that Myrtle would believe that Olive was the one who, in the very least, ordered her death. If I were her, I would haunt Olive too. I have two favorite quotes in this: the first, "'You care now that Iím dead,' Myrtle said angrily. 'None of you talked to me while I was alive.'" and "...she was finally able to return some of the brutality laid upon her while living. Afterlife would be the best revenge."

Characterization: Myrtle -- from what I've gathered from her canon, I think that you've nailed her personality. All the events that took place in her life would explain the way she acts in her afterlife. While I never exactly felt bad for Myrtle in the HP series, I can certainly say that I feel for her now.

Detail: There's just enough detail in this to get the picture, and I think that too much would have taken away from the message of your story. So, I think that you made a good choice on the amount of detail and description that you added.

Emotion: Feels. Like I said, for the first time, I actually feel bad for Myrtle. I can sympathize with her.

Notes/other: Fantastic job! This is a great entry!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: RUMPEL!!!

I'm so sorry it took me forever to respond to you. Life has been crazy!

The bad week prompt seemed so fitting for Myrtle. Her story definitely puts rock bottom into perspective a bit. Having Hagrid be part of the trick (unknowingly on his part) fed into her suspicion of him later. It was a last minute idea on my part but it was really exciting to do (from an "I'm an evil writer perspective"). Olive is many M-rated words... wow, I can't believe I made you feel worse for Myrtle than you do for your fantasy husband - I mean Snape. Ooh, I'm really glad you liked those lines! :D

I'm really happy that I was able to give her rather eccentric personality from the books a bit more life and thought. (and made her someone you could symphatize for) I really didn't care for her before writing this but now I want to call some bulling hotline for her and give her chocolate.

hehe, I am glad I hit you in the feels with this story. I mean, as someone who was teased a bit in school (nothing like this though) it was emotional to write.

thank you so much for the wonderful review and for doing such a fun challenge!

-Rose


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Review #9, by MadiMalfoy Ghostly Day

10th March 2014:
HI there, I'm here with the review swap from earlier today. :)

So let me just begin by saying MYRTLE!!! Before this, I had never really even thought of reading a Myrtle-focused piece, but this was amazing!

Her characterization is flawless I tell you, FLAWLESS. You really got into her character and how she was always feeling at school before she died.

And her death--perfection! I like that you didn't immediately make her visible, allowing some closure for her body's death before she was all like "surprise, I'm still here but as a ghost instead," and also to probably make Olive feel a little bit worse about her death too.

I loved her talk with Helena Ravenclaw also--it made her visibility plausible and explained how ghosts become visible and can talk to the living.

Overall I loved it and thought it was wonderfully written! I'm glad we did this review swap, it was a fun time :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello!!

I'm so sorry I've taken ages to respond. Life has just gotten too bush for me!

Before my plunny for this I wouldn't have thought about writing a Myrtle focused fic but I'm glad that I have now.

oh my gosh, I just can't say thank you enough - I'm just so thrilled you like how I wrote Myrtle.

Her death and the visibility thing was a struggle for me. It bothered me that they didn't ask her or seem to have really investigated her death. I thought her invisibility would go to explain why they didn't question her right away (or at all as they thought they had the killer).

Writing her conversation with Helena Ravenclaw was a bit of self-indulgence as I wrote about Helena a little before this and thought it would be nice to tie them together a bit.

I'm so happy you enjoyed this! Thank you so much for a wonderful review!

-rose


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Review #10, by LittleLionGirl Ghostly Day

9th March 2014:
Hello toomanycurls. I am here for our review swap!

I have to say. It was a very interesting sort of mystery, having the person who is dead try and find who killed them, rather than having a friend or family member who is alive search so much. The characterization was simply excellent and I love how even to another ghost the Grey Lady always seems so curt and dry. I have always wondered how Myrtle would take it if she had found out who actually killed her if she would be able to move on... Anywho. Lastly I would like to point out that all of the little details you have simply make the story that much better. I was really hoping it was going to actually be Hagrid for real. And then I remember it was not a story with puppies and rainbows after you stomped on my heart... Great job and keep up the good work!

XOXOXOX,
LLG

Author's Response: Hello!!

I thought it would be a nice twist on a murder mystery to have the deceased try figuring out who killed them rather than a live person do it. It does bother me that Myrtle never figured out who killed her (generally the investigation into her death seemed a bit half-done). I'm not sure she would have moved on upon learning the identity of her killer - her main conflict that kept her earthbound was her issues with Olive and not feeling she fit in (at least I think but i'm not a parapsychologist). I'm really glad you noticed and enjoyed the details in the story! And I'm sorry for stomping on your heart! It was on-purpose but accidental too.

Thank you so much for a fantastic review!


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Review #11, by Beeezie Ghostly Day

8th March 2014:
Oooh, I really liked this! Great job!

I'd always kind of wondered about Myrtle. She seemed to be so pathetic and sensitive in the books that it was clear that something had happened to her, but I guess I always just assumed that it was a combination of her personality and dying young. This makes much more sense, though - I can totally see how bullying and loneliness could have led her to be that way.

Reading about how she was bullied and ignored was heartbreaking, but you really did portray it in a very realistic way. The combination of teasing and silence was just terrible, and it made me feel so much sympathy for her.

Olive in particular was brutal, and I can see why Myrtle haunted her for so long. She definitely deserved it. I do question your making Olive a Slytherin, though - it seems to play into a lot of stereotypes about the House, which isn't a problem all on its own, but it also seems to me that there is a limit to how much damage Olive could do being in a House that was different from Myrtle's. I'm not saying that she couldn't be awful in class, but it just seems to me that she would have been so much worse as a Ravenclaw. It would also make Myrtle's hiding in the bathroom make a little more sense if she was avoiding her common room or dormitory because of Olive.

I don't know, though. I can also understand why you'd choose to do it this way. If Olive was in Myrtle's House, you might have had to tone down her behavior a bit. And, of course, for all I know, it's canon that Olive was a Slytherin!

I'd also always wondered how Myrtle died. I mean, I know that she died, but she wore glasses, so why didn't she just get petrified? Your take on Myrtle makes that make a lot of sense - though I do wonder why the glasses ended up carrying over to her ghost form if she was so unaccustomed to them and wasn't even wearing them when she died.

Sorry. Very nitpick.

Overall, this was an excellent story that made me care about a character I never really expected to care about! Excellent job. :)

Author's Response: Hello!!

I'm so sorry I've taken ages to respond. Life got kind of hectic then I just didn't have time to focus on responses (or writing).

Humanizing Myrtle was a fun task to undertake. I didn't really like her in the books but I thought she had to end up that way for some reason. Bullying seemed quite logical as she mentions it to Harry (or at least alludes to it) when she's talking about haunting Olive Hornby. There's also the question about why she'd go so far to haunt one person unless they did make her living life hell.

There were a few things that made me put Olive into Slytherin - it wasn't just because she was mean but I wanted to hint at the idea of her being an acquaintance of Tom Riddle and his possible planning out of Myrtle's death. There's also the amount of muggle born hatred being tossed around that year. In CoS when the chamber is open, students kind of banded together, except for the Slytherins. I imagine that Olive could inflict quite a bit of damage in classes, in the hallways, and at meal times. I don't think Myrtle had friends from her CR which would be why she didn't seek refuge there. Or if she did than it was not much more comforting than outright dislike. I don't recall if it's canon that Olive was a Slytherin though.

I justified the glasses carrying over into her ghost form because she internalized what the glasses represented to her (being awkward, nerdy, the outcast) rather than having been accustomed to them.

much thanks. wow. very review :)

I do appreciate the thought you put into your review!

-Rose


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Review #12, by Infinityx Ghostly Day

7th March 2014:
Rose.

Wow.

Just.

:o

Here for the BvB battle, by the way.

First of all, it's such a wonderful idea, to write about Myrtle's death in this way. I love it. Poor, poor Myrtle. The characterization is just perfect, and I think the way you incorporated Hagrid and Myrtle's suspicions of him is just brilliant! Okay, I don't know what else to say. This was so amazing to read. I really don't have any CC to give. The pace was excellent, the plot fantastic. You certainly are the queen of angst. My heart totally went out to Myrtle after reading this. I don't think any of us saw past the pathetic front she puts up and this has made me see her in a completely different light. And the ending...just. Awesome. Olive Hornby deserved it, that fbskjbsdkf.

I'm sorry for not making this review longer, but I really don't know what more to say other than quote the entire story back to you. How are you so amazing?

Never stop writing, Rose. This was beautiful.

~Erin

Author's Response: Erin!

I'm so happy you liked my idea for this story!! It was a combo of two challenges and this seemed like an interesting way to do both a mystery and a story about Myrtle. Characterizing Myrtle was a challenge - I'm so glad it was good!!! Including Hagrid felt right. I mean, she needed some reason to not think highly of him if she were ever questioned about his involvement in her death. :D I like the title - Queen of Angst! I shall put it on my business cards. I am glad htis gave her more depth than just a miserable moping ghost!! Yes! Olive did quite deserve to be haunted by the end of the story.

I love your review! Length isn't always important. :) I have cats and they power my writing!!

thank you so much for such a lovely review!!

-Rose


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Review #13, by True Author Ghostly Day

5th March 2014:
Review swap! :D

Ok. So I don't usually read minor characters, but I am reading them on any chance I get now, just to do something new, and so many of them are extremely well written. Well, that's particularly why I decided to give this a go! And oh my god! This was great! :D

I feel that when you write a minor character, especially a disliked minor character, the most important part is characterization. And you pulled that off very beautifully. Myrtle was simply perfect here. She was canon but I couldn't help feel for her.

The idea of materialization is my favorite. It does make sense and it's so realistic! I couldn't help but laugh when Myrtle chose Olive, haha. That was a pretty good touch of humor to me! ;)

This was a great read!

Ashwini

Author's Response: Hi Ashwini!!

I'm glad you have started reading minor characters! They're a lot of fun to dig into. I'm flattered that ou enjoyed this!

Characterizing Myrtle was a challenge - especially as I wanted to keep her in character but give her some relatable experiences.

I'm really glad you liked the materialization idea!!! I had to find an explanation as to why she wouldn't have been a witness while they were trying to find her murderer.

Thank you so much for a wonderful review!

-Rose


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Review #14, by greenbirds Ghostly Day

3rd March 2014:
hi! here from the review battle- go team blue!
so this was both funny and also very, very sad. you have a unique style of writing which is reflected in myrtle's 2rd person narrative- she is, i think, slightly oblivious to just how tragic her life and her death really is, which makes it KIND of funny in a really sadistic, twisted way.
i loved the way you portrayed myrtle- you wrote her very well, especially as she is quite an unexplored character. you also captured the essence of a 12 year old girl very well, and i liked the twist, of hagrid being her date. of course i had thought, oh it's probably that nasty olive girl- but that was a good example of just how nasty she really was!
the only criticism i have is it's slightly difficult to follow the death scene- but i suppose it's a bit disorientated because, you know, she's dead.
thanks for a great read! bea xx

Author's Response: Hello!!! Go bronze! :P

haha, I like your sense of humor here. :D It is a bit tragic that her life goes like this and she really doesn't have the perspective to see it for what it is.

I'm extremely glad you liked my characterization of her! I liked looping Hagrid into her drama even if it was also a prank on him. Olive was quite a nasty person. I had to establish that she deserved the haunting she got.

The death scene is a bit jumpy - I might go poke at that a bit.

Thank you for the awesome review!

-Rose


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Review #15, by marauderfan Ghostly Day

3rd March 2014:
Rose! I disappear into thin air for a few weeks and all of a sudden there's heaps of new stories on your page! Haha anyway...

Aw, poor thing! Myrtle in the books is kind of silly and pathetic but already in the first few lines I want to hug that girl and tell her it will be ok. I'm loving her POV in this btw.

Oh no, why do I have the feeling this nice note is just a mean joke? O_o

Hahaha I hate overly taped things too, I can sympathize.

Omg. Poor girl. That is every girl's worst nightmare!

Olive is so mean! I want to beat her over the head with the clump of tape that Myrtle extracted from that box. (Because I imagine all that tape is quite heavy.) Of course she would pick on Hagrid too, as he's not "normal" either. And I can imagine that this event unfortunately made Myrtle kind of cold towards Hagrid who hadn't even done anything, it would make her already prejudiced against him when the whole Chamber of Secrets monster issue came up. Anyway, reading this is reminding me of how much it sucked to be that age, when anyone not normal was generally miserable and picked on. You do so well writing Myrtle throuhout the story and she seems like such a real 13 year old girl.

I think the thing about ghosts materializing is pretty cool too. I can see how she became such a miserable ghost, too - since the whole reason she materialized in the first place was just to haunt Olive.

Great job on this! And thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: You disappeared into thin air so I *had* to write more stories. They were like offerings or something. :P

I'm so happy she became more real and less pathetic like she is int he books. :D I'm glad you like her POV! It was an interested frame of mind to write from.

:-/ probably because I'm writing this and that cant' bode well for her.

That box and the tape is probably something anyone who has recieved a package can relate to. Even reasonably taped boxes are impossible.

:-x that happened to me - true story.

Olive is a bully. I wanted to have it feel quite logical/justified for Myrtle to haunt her like she did. Before I got into the plot too far I realized I had to justify that because I felt bad for Olive being haunted for her entire life. Now I don't feel bad for her at all. Hagrid is just as much a victim there as Myrtle is. Being 12/13 was a miserable time in my life so it felt like reaching back in time a bit. I'm really glad Myrtle felt like a real person!!

Ooh, I'm so happy you liked how I explained her materializing!!

Thank you so much for a fab review!!

-Rose


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Review #16, by Cannons Ghostly Day

22nd February 2014:
Hey Rose!

How are you so talented :o It's not fair :P

Your characterisation of Myrtle was brilliant, I love how you have developed her character and fleshed her from the books.

She really does come across as a very unlucky sort of girl with everything that she goes through and you have just magnified that. Your detail and description surrounding the glasses made it all so sad.

One thing that I really love about this is that you have actually opened my eyes up to Mrytle being an actual person with real feelings and hopes, she just wants to be accepted like everyone else, because I think its fair to say I only think of Mrytle as a ghost. So you writing her before she died and the events leading up to her death actual makes me feel empathy for her!

Your plot is so clever as well. You have taken something in which everyone knows how it ends and still leave the reader hanging on. So much so that you become so enthralled in it you could almost forget who 'done it' ;)

Your writing is always flawless and lovely to read!

Thanks for the review swap.

Cannons

Author's Response: Cannons!!!

*blush* I've been plunking away at this writing thing for 10+ years and um *waffle*

I'm really glad you liked how I characterized Myrtle! She was a lot of fun to develop from what we learned in the books.

I like to think she had a combination of bad luck and no perspective on her life. The glasses were just the highlight of her being miserable rather than a root cause.

It's so good to hear that you see her as an actual person now with feelings and aspirations. Most people (including me) always just saw her as a ghost in the books. She really wasn't given more depth than that.

*squee!* it makes me so happy that, despite the known canon items, this had you hanging on for more info. It was kind of fun to have a who dunit with the reader knowledgable where the narrator was not. :D

Thank you so much for such a wonderful review!! You've really lifted my ego off the ground!

-Rose


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Review #17, by Lululuna Ghostly Day

22nd February 2014:
Ahh Rose why do you do this to me?!! This story actually made me so sad throughout and I just wanted to go and give Myrtle a big hug. She's so obnoxious in the books but this just made me really sad and feel for her and wish that just one person had been nice to her.

You definitely embodied the challenges this was for - the bad week prompt fits so perfectly. I feel so sorry for Myrtle and her glasses, though it was brilliant how you tied in the glasses as we know she died right after Olive was teasing her about them. The descriptions of how unattractive the glasses were was just so well-written, and I liked the contrast between her putting on her glasses and being able to see clearly, and then getting killed by the basilisk's eyes which she could see. Smashing her glasses because they were a part of her as well was just so heartbreaking.

And then the period thing had to happen and I was literally cringing and wincing because I felt so bad for her, that sounds simply mortifying and inescapable and after she was actually sort of having fun with that boy! :( Gah, this poor girl. It was so sad how people were constantly being so mean to her and sending angry looks when they had to get partnered with Myrtle.

The Hagrid prank was both upsetting and brilliant in the way it set up how Myrtle could reinforce Riddle's story of Hagrid opening the chamber of secrets. I can definitely imagine her telling Dippet and him being compelled to expel Hagrid with her evidence. It seems so unfair that Myrtle didn't realize Hagrid was a victim as well, but shows how she is quite narrow-minded in her anger and doesn't see the bigger picture.

Olive Hornby is so nasty, and uses her cleverness and wittiness for evil, and I just absolutely detest her here. It's a little vindictive of me but I'm currently glad that Myrtle is terrifying her, at least for now. The haunting scene at the end was so vivid, I felt like I was there.

Ah, I love the Helena scene - was that perhaps a reference to the speed dating piece which snuck in there? :P Hehe. That was a cute moment among all this sadness.

I feel like in some ways this is everybody's worse nightmare: that after they die, instead of being immortalized or fondly remembered they are as forgotten and invisible in death as they were in life. Poor Myrtle. At the end, with her spookiness and angry presence as a ghost, I could really see how she would turn into the bitter, weeping, angry ghost of the HP books.

Amazing job with this, Rose, it was truly a wonderful and heart-wrenching story! I'm so glad I read this! ♥

Author's Response: I AM THE MASTER AND COMMANDER OF THE SAD SEA! :P I'm sorry it got you so sad though. I was trying to give her a more likeable/understandable side. I like to think most people have rather logical motiviations or that their actions are somewhat logical reactions to something else - with that I had to give Myrtle a background that were justify how utterly annoying she is in the books.

The bad week part just gave me complete liberty to kick her butt with stuff going on. The glasses seemed like a good focal point (hehe) for the story and her angst. The glasses as a representation of her awkwardness is a bit sad - she hates them because of how ugly they are and that they cause her stand out even more but she can't truly dispose of them because she's dependent on them for her sight. I think that we all have something about us that we hate but is core to our identity. (maybe that's just me)

The period thing was a page from my own life (not with a cute boy but in general) where it just all floods at once and is all gross. I think all female readers will relate to that on some level. It was cruel to have it happen while she was in the midst of a positive boy experience. :( I imagine she was a bit annoying and awkward to hang out with but, yeah, no one was wiling to reach out to her which is beyond sad.

I'm so glad you liked (and hated) the Hagrid prank. In the midst of my "give Myrtle hell" planning, I thought something like that would be especially hurtful. When I thought to include Hagrid it felt just too perfect. My sticking point is that Myrtle would have tried to haunt Hagrid after she materialized if she thought he killed her. So, I don't know if she gave evidence against him (or towards his innocence). It's bothering me though. I feel like there are a lot of gaps when it comes to the flow of Myrtle's death and the collection of evidence. Maybe she decided he wasn't involved but Dippet was too busy to listen to her testimony (but Dumbledore listened and used that as he motivation for keeping Hagrid at the school). It is a bit sad that she didn't see Hagrid as a mutual victim in that prank. but if she had been able to see the bigger picture, she wouldn't be the mopy, moaning, miserable myrtle we know.

I'm glad to have never met anyone as nasty as Olive - well, maybe I've worked with people like her. Before I dug into this plot, I felt a bit bad for Olive being haunted her whole life so I wanted to make her someone deserving of the haunting she got. I'm so thrilled that scene came through as vivid. I wanted it to pop at people and I'm glad it did!!!

hehe, it was a reference to my speed dating piece! I have a plunny about Helena hautning Hogwarts and materializing to Godric at an awkward moment *cough* not a 12+ moment at least. :P

I can't tell you how much it means to me that her experience felt understandable/realistic and that it helped explain her character in the books. :D She is a bit short-sighted when it comes to her experiences though which is all we see from Harry's POV.

Thank you so much for a wonderful review! I love getting your feedback on stories!!!

-Rose


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Review #18, by Aphoride Ghostly Day

21st February 2014:
Hey there - here for our review swap! :)

So, I know I still haven't finished reading and reviewing Pure Intentions, but when I saw this up I just had to read it! A mystery! With Myrtle (and young!Tom Riddle, young!Hagrid)! Gah, even though we know who the killer really is, I'm just so curious as to how this is going to play out and whether Myrtle is going to find out, you know? Somehow, mostly due to your writing and plotting, it doesn't matter that I already know how Myrtle really dies :)

I love Myrtle's character. In this, you do so well at showing us the aspects of her character we already knew from the books and develop it further. I like how she's such a mixed bag of traits: she's being bullied and has little self-confidence, but is also capable of holding pretty serious grudges, pretty nasty herself (when she wants to be) and actually fairly clever. It was such brilliant characterisation! :)

I love the whole start of this and how you moved so quickly through the murder and all. Because we know how it happened, you didn't need to talk all that much about it, and everything. I loved as well how you showed us Olive bullying her and how cruel she was and how she came to, effectively, help Myrtle to die, in a way. I also really liked the scene when she'd just 'woken up' as a ghost and had to work out, sort of, that she'd died and that no one could see her. I thought you did such a good job of portraying it - and it was such an interesting idea! :)

Your writing is so lovely, as well. It's so clean and clear and your phrasing is great... and I'm so envious that you can write things with such a fast pace and so much action! Gah, this was such a great read!

I'm really, really glad I did this swap with you - I will definitely be looking out for more chapters, and seriously hoping you get more reviews because this really deserves more! :) This is a great, great start and I'm so curious to know what happens next!

Thanks for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: I couldn't be happier that you picked this one!! It was all sad and reviewless. :D Well, there's not a lot of mystery for the reader - just to the characters. I think this is my first mystery actually.

Writing about Myrtle as a living girl was kind of interesting. I thought it'd be fun to make her annoying but not so irritating as she is as a ghost. She's definitely not a totally likeable person here. I can't tell you how excited I am that you liked how I characterized her!!!

I didn't think there would be a lot to elaborate on before her death expect to set up her pain and general life stuff. But, yeah, I thought her story after death would be more interesting. :D Having Olive be an over-the-top bully was my way of justifying how much Myrtle stalks her as a ghost. Part of me was all "get a grip lady" then I decided to give her reason to earn an official no-more-haunting ruling.

I'm jealous of your writing so we can just wallow in mutual jealousy. :D

Thank you so much for such a wonderful review and for swapping with me!!

-Rose


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