Reading Reviews for Yhprum's Law
20 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Alyson Expectation

24th June 2014:
amazingg! the characters are spot on

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

 Report Review

Review #2, by Prongs1981 Expectation

22nd June 2014:
This was really good! I can't wait to see how their date really goes :)

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

 Report Review

Review #3, by entropist Expectation

30th April 2014:
Well, that was good. Actually, I made a mistake in reading this one AFTER reading Murphy's Law, but it turns out it's pretty funny in that order.
Liked the story very much.

Author's Response: I'm glad to hear that the stories work regardless of the order :) Thanks so much for reading and leaving a review!

 Report Review

Review #4, by lumos_knox Expectation

24th April 2014:
How clever! That was really fantastic. Godd job!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed this story, I had so much fun writing it :D I hope you check out WriteYourHeartOut's chapter to find out how the date /really/ went ;)

 Report Review

Review #5, by maskedmuggle Expectation

17th April 2014:

I've been meaning to read this for quite some time, and I'm really glad I finally did! First of all, I love the concept of Yhprum's Law (and Murphy's Law), and I think you did such an awesome job portraying your side of how everything could work so perfectly for James/Lily!

I really liked how cute and fluffy it was from the start, and it was just so romantic all the way! I thought the pastry thing was a nice touch in the plot - something a bit different from typical lunch dates! The snow globe, and the carriage at the end was also so adorably sweet. I loved how much of a gentleman James seemed to be!

Whilst I was reading it, I felt a bit doubtful about Lily's portrayal - her giggling and 'peal of surprised laughter' - but it all made completely sense in the end! The ending was definitely completely unexpected, but I did like it - added some amusement to the fic! All in all, I thought you did such a lovely job writing this, and I really enjoyed reading this!

- Charlotte
(for the Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza)

Author's Response: Sorry that I've taken so long to get back to your review. I really do appreciate that you took the time to leave it.

I'm glad that you enjoyed this story. I had a lot of fun writing it and working with the amazingly talented WriteYourHeartOut. Sometimes, I really do enjoy writing over the top fluff, and this was a great excuse to do just that.

I have never written Lily before, and was a bit uncertain as to whether I could do her character justice, so I was really glad to have the loophole that this isn't /really/'s James' lovesick, idealistic version of her :P So you are definitely right to feel doubtful about her.

Thanks again for reading!

 Report Review

Review #6, by NinthHorcrux Expectation

12th April 2014:
Aw...haha wow! Very very nice story! I'm still a little caught off guard by the ending there. I knew something had to happen, it was all too perfect, but, a dream...nice job setting that up!

Hmm...where to start with how much I enjoyed reading this... I liked how the story moved along. It wasn't too slow, didn't get boring with the all-too-good-things. I actually read "Murphy's Law" before I read this and was kinda confused, haha. I saw resemblences to that story but some of the dialogue and actions were very different and I was trying to figure out how they connected. And now I see, it works!

The end was too good. It was hilarious the lines: For the love of God, Prongs, stop! I don't need to hear about you and Evans snogging, especially not first thing in the morning. And then Remus, Sirius and Peter all responding at once. Each line was so well worded and clever and perfect!

Also well collaborated with you and writeyourheartout. Funny how you can tell James is super anxious about the date in both stories...he's dreaming about it, talking to his friends about it, inpulsively ruffling his hair...great work.

Ah! I loved these stories. So awesome to read and a great way to spend my Saturday. :) Amazing! 10/10 and a favorite of course!

Author's Response: This is a super late response, and I'm really sorry for that, but thank you so much for reading and leaving a review! I really loved writing this story, and had a great time working with my PIC.

I think the word limit for this challenge really helped with the pacing. I had to go through and edit the heck out of this chapter to get it within the limits of the challenge, and that made me cut out a lot of material that wasn't necessary to the story.

I'm so glad you enjoyed the ending! That was my favorite part to write :D

Thanks again for reading and leaving a review!

 Report Review

Review #7, by Unicorn_Charm Expectation

24th March 2014:
I love this so much! You are an extremely wonderful writer! I laughed so much at the boys' reactions to James's story. Especially, Be sure to tell Lily about her swan-like neck, She'll love that. Too, too funny. 10/10 for this. It was truly lovely. I wish I could write half as well as you! Well done! :)

Author's Response: Aww, you're so sweet :* Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it and am really glad you enjoyed my little story.

 Report Review

Review #8, by randomwriter Expectation

22nd March 2014:
Hello there :) I saw that you'd placed second in the Speed Dating Entry Challenge, and decided to come give this a read.

Boy, for a major Jily shipper, this was SUCH a treat. I can't even begin to tell you just how much I enjoyed this. It was really well written and I love the idea. I'm a huge fan of the Murphy'slaw and Yhprum's law concept, because it's so funny. And I love how you used it as the basis for your collab. This connection is just genius.

Anyway, I knew this story was going to be great even before I read it. I'm really in the mood for something light and funny and yours didn't disappoint. I'm extremely impressed by the plot, concept and editing. Especially because you had just 72 hours for the whole thing. I don't even know how you did it. It makes me a little jealous for not being able to do the challenge myself :p But I still get to read all the lovely entries, SO WIN :p

There was something funny about the swan-like neck from the beginning, but I assumed that maybe, just maybe she sis have a really long and graceful neck (Hang on, is it even possible to have a graceful neck? xD). So I read on, thoroughly entertained from the start to the end.

The date sounded like something out of a dream. The only 'meh' moment was when James Potter Man-Of-My-Dreams Extraordinaire took Lily to Madam Puddifoots, which would be my absolute nightmare to even set foot in. But it was nothing like how it was in the books, and I have a sneaking suspicion that we'll get to that in the next part :p BUT SEVENTEEN pastries? This was the perfect date, wasn't it? Even though it didn't happen *cries* Apart from that, the date was indeed a dream. Not just in the 'squeal!IWantToGoOnADateLikeThat' (Certainly not, I'm not girly enough, apparently) way, but also because it had this dreamy quality to it. Wiseacres sounds like a place I'd love to go to if its full of odds and ends and interesting knickknacks. Sigh. Another place I wish was real. I've gushed too much about this. It isn't normal. SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE. :p

You totally had me going there. I did think that it was over the top, but it's James and I think he would take any chance he had with Lily and do his best with it, so I kept thing, "Yeah, maybe that's it." And then you revealed that none of it happened and I felt like such a dud :p That was such a funny scene though. The dialogues were perfect and hilarious and I really enjoyed every bit of it!

About that, the dialogues were really amazing. Throughout the entire chapter. They really cracked me up and made me smile a lot :) I loved it.

I can't wait for the sequel and I'm going to rush off and read it RIGHT NOW. Brilliant job, and congrats on placing. I can definitely understand why :) Also, this is going to my favourites, to be re-visited when I need some fluffy goodness.

GREAT job :)

Author's Response: Thank you so very much for leaving this fantastic review! You are awesome and I appreciate it so much!

I don't think I've ever really written James and Lily before, so I'm glad a Jily shipper like you enjoyed this so much (even if they were a bit ooc).

My partner in crime, Tanya, deserves all the credit for the Yhprum's/Murphy's law concept, as it was completely her idea. I'm glad you liked that as our connection. It made for a lot of fun writing.

I'm glad that, even though it was a bit over the top, that the ending still caught you by surprise (poor James and his poor misconceptions about Madam Puddifoots...). That was my favorite part to write! I loved being able to feature the other Marauders for a bit.

I tend to write stories that are a bit dialogue heavy, so I'm glad you thought the dialogue was well done.

You are so incredibly sweet and this review made me super happy :D I hope you liked Tanya's story just as much, if not more (because she's brilliant, and her story is brilliant).

Thanks again for reading and for your lovely review!

 Report Review

Review #9, by Veritaserum27 Expectation

18th March 2014:
Wow! This story was so great to read! I was all swept up in the romance and then Sirius barks in with his comment. It was the perfect lead in and I can't WAIT to read part two! You just KNOW that things are not going to go well. Thanks for the fantastic story.

Author's Response: Hey Beth! Thanks for stopping by and leaving a review. I'm really glad you liked this chapter, and hope you enjoy Tanya's just as much. :) Thanks again for reading!

 Report Review

Review #10, by DoctorUnderwood Expectation

10th March 2014:
I'm done stalking your page for now I think...

Keep up the excellent writing!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading so many of my stories! I'm glad you enjoyed them :)

 Report Review

Review #11, by Infinityx Expectation

3rd March 2014:
Hello! I'm here for the BvB battle!

This was the most adorable story I've read so far! Initially, I thought it was going to be like any other James/Lily story, and I was so pleasantly surprised!

I love your writing style. The story flowed brilliantly and I couldn't spot any mistakes. The narrative and all the details within this were just amazing! It was fluffy and cute, and the big reveal was just the best! The description about Madam Puddifoot's had me wondering whether it used to be that way in the Marauders' time. Now that I know that it was all just James' expectation of how it would be, I am extremely curious to know how it would actually turn out!

The title of the story is catching and the ending was perfect! This was incredibly wonderful to read. I would love to go on a date where I'm treated like that. Beautifully written. :)

Great job! I absolutely loved it. I'm going to go read your partner's one now!


Author's Response: Aww, thanks for such a sweet review. I've never written Lily and James before, so I'm glad you liked this.

Yeah, Madam Puddifoots was a bit off. Poor James has no idea what that place is really like, but he'll soon find out. And no, unfortunately for James it's not nearly as classy as he imagines it to be.

I'm super excited that you liked the ending and the "big reveal" as you called it :D I loved writing that part!

Thanks again for your lovely review! I hope you found your way to Tanya's story and enjoyed that one as well.

 Report Review

Review #12, by Maelody Expectation

1st March 2014:
Oh. My. Godric! I cannot stop squealing! This was so perfect! No one in a story other than THE books has described a magician scene better than you did with that one snow globe, and that whole encounter was just absolutely. AW!

Seriously, the pastry thing? SO CUTE! Me. Wiseacre? Made me think about James in a new light. The carriage? How sweet! The ONLY thing I was unsure about was Madam Puddifoot's, but I thought, 'maybe it was new back then and not quite as popular?'

I read all of it and wondered, 'oh no! How are they going to make this go all wrong! They've had such a lovely date! No wonder she fell in love with James!' Then Sirius WOKE HIM UP FROM A DAYDREAM?!?!!?!?! I had to double take! None of it was real, and judging by the links and titles if your stories, none of this will happen! D: Not in the positive way he wants it to. HOWEVER! I cannot wait for the hilarity I am sure awaits in the next part!

Even though I couldn't believe it was all a daydream, Sirius waking him up was so hilarious! Too early in the morning to hear about an imaginary snog? Lame ;)

The questioning! Goodness! I was laughing all over again! Her swan-like neck, the giggling, Madam Puddifoot's (I knew something was up!) and the pastries! xD "What was up with the pastries?" Dang you whoever asked! That was my favorite part!

He told it in third person AND impersonated Lily? Goodness, I might have to go back and read the whole thing again, pretending to be James in story mode xD.

Goodness, I can't stop smiling, giggling, or gushing! This is such a lovely start to this whole story, and you've done such an amazing job! Seriously, I'm pretty sure that snow globe will be forever something canon in my head that James gives her! Beautiful! You and WriteYourHeartOut outdid yourselves on the link and pair! I seriously cannot wait to read on! Great job! (I'm getting redundant! Sorry!) the best of luck to you two for this competition! And congrats on being my last pair to read! I'm so happy it was such a cute little story like this! :)


Author's Response: First of all, congratulations on reaching the end of the speed dating entries! *throws confetti* Way to go!

I'm so glad you liked the bit with the snow globe, and if you liked how it was described in this story, just wait until you get to Tanya's! She writes it so beautifully.

I'm glad you liked the date. And you are definitely right about something being off with Madam Puddifoots :P Oh, poor James has no idea...

Yay! I'm so excited that the ending caught you off guard, but that you thought it fit nicely (and was funny :P). I LOVED writing the ending. (Actually, I loved writing the entire thing. Who doesn't want to write complete fluffiness from time to time?)

Thanks again for taking the time to read and review our entries, and thank you for the luck! Congrats again on finishing all the entries!

 Report Review

Review #13, by Dark Whisper Expectation

23rd February 2014:

Well, hello there. Just seeking out more Speed Dating entries...

This was really sweet. 17 pastries on a date is something that my younger son would think was a perfect date, indeed. LOL. XD

And that snow globe was really beautiful. I love that you put something magical in your story. It sounds lovely.

And can I say that I just love the Marauder's reactions. LOL! Too funny! Leave it up to your friends to call out all the mistakes in the plans. XD

Off to read the companion piece.

Lovely job in such a short amount of time!

Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to read and review this!

Admittedly, 17 pastries is probably a bit extreme, but I don't think I would turn down that kind of date, myself :P (Though I have my doubts that they /actually/ ate them was more a bite or two here and there...quite wasteful really, if it wasn't a fantasy :P)

I'm really glad you liked the snowglobe. I like it too, and really want one. Sadly, I like in the Muggle world. :(

I'm so glad you liked the Marauder's bit at the end! I really enjoyed how that turned out. Tanya helped out with some of the one-liners that they threw and it was just so much fun to write :)

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #14, by writeyourheartout Expectation

20th February 2014:
My beautiful, wonderful, phenomenally talented PIC! I bestow upon you my first Speed-Dating review! ;)

So, after more or less memorizing my version of events from compulsive editing, to now getting the chance to reread yours, I just have to say that it is crazy ridiculous how many things we managed to integrate into both stories to make them connect! Seriously, there are so many parallels drawn throughout literally the entire story, from the itinerary of the date to Lily's final dialogue to Remus' "All good things..." to even our very structure (the titles, the chapter names, the Law quotes at the top, the similar ending quotes at the bottom); I mean, how did we even do this in 72 hours? It's all a blur, I tell you; a blur! :-p Really, though, I can't believe we pulled it off and, honestly, I couldn't possibly imagine having had a more collaborative partner than you. Regardless of the final results as far as the competition goes, I'm really proud of us. TANIFER! *hugs*

Okay, got the collaborative gushing out of my system! Now away from 'Us' and onto 'You'! :-D

This entire first half of the story, with the fantastical dream date, is just such a perfect reflection of the ever-optimistic James Potter! He's always been so certain that one day he would win the affections of one Lily Evans, and even though most of their relationship before this moment seemed to be a series of hostile exchanges, he's still just so sure that the date will have no set-backs! She's gonna laugh at all his corny jokes, share seventeen pastries with him, blush and fawn over his every action, and be completely smitten from start to finish! Because he's James Potter. And if James Potter is sure of one thing, it's that Lily Evans can absolutely not continue to resist him now that he's been given this chance. The exaggerated fantasy is just so spot on; this is exactly what he would imagine their date to be like. hehehe

Madame Puddifoot's just cracks me up. "The tiny tea shop was filled with mostly empty tables surrounded by sophisticated, high-backed chairs. A fireplace crackled at one end of the room, while the opposite side housed a large display of various cakes and tarts. James couldn't help but breathe a sigh of contentment at the smell of freshly baked pastries that wafted through the air." - HA. Oh, James, you poor, naive fool. I just adore the way you set the cafe up - it actually sounds like a really nice spot here! Too bad it's totally untrue, but whatever. ;) And omg, the pastry scene... I can't... I can't even... it's so... so perfectly cheesy! In the greatest way imaginable! Just all of it: the corny dialogue, the hysterical bouts of laughter - and can we please discuss the waddling?! LOL

"To you, Miss Evans, and to ridiculous teenagers everywhere." - Dawww, I really love this toast, actually. ^.^

What I adore about this story is that even though the first half is so ridiculous and over-the-top and fantastical and silly, we still get to see how talented of a writer you are. I think this really shines through during the scene with Mr. Wiseacre. He's such a character and it's hard to believe you just created him out of thin air in no time at all! I mean, he made such an impression right off the cuff! I wish I could have written him in my story being this way instead of forgetting who James even was, cause he's so much fun! :-p He's just so charming and kind, but with a little pinch of feisty! This line here is great: "Though he showed all signs of being a tired old man, when he looked up at them, his eyes sparkled with youth." - Perfect.

And, of course, I can't talk about that scene without bringing up the incredible snow/season globe. Have I mentioned how happy I am that you ended up as my partner? Because I may have suggested snow globe, but you're the one who brought it to life; who made it magical. It was the perfect gift. Your description here is so lovely. :)

Hahaha The whole carriage scene, oh man. He's such a cheese-ball in the most delightful way! The dialogue here is my favorite! LOL Too good.


I am so, so happy that you suggested we make the Yhprum's Law story a fake! I mean, seriously, I can't even imagine having done it any differently now that it's finished! It allowed for that hilarious ending of yours and for our stories to have even more compatibility and synchronicity! Brilliant, I tell you. And speaking of, can we talk about the difference between this ending in its rough draft form to what it is now? Ah! I can't even tell you how excited I am that you were able to rearrange the story to fit all of those hilarious observations and one-liners in! That was so clever of you and it made a great impact; it really solidified just how ridiculous the first half of the story is; how over the top and bright and bubbly and cheerful and far too perfect it all was to be real! hahaha And the switch to Sirius was just seamless! My only regret is that I wish I could have just once experienced this story without the knowledge of the twist ending! hehehe Oh well. :-p

The ending was also an excellent showcase of the Marauder dynamic, which was such a bonus on top of everything else! I loved getting that glimpse into their friendship; it felt very authentic. And the way you ended it is the perfect combination of wrapping up your story with a pretty little bow, while still leading effortlessly into mine - in which I tear said bow apart and torture it through the use of painful humiliation. hehehe

I don't know what else to say! It's just really, really great, PIC. I feel like the luckiest girl at the ball, having been paired with you. ;) I had just an absolute blast working with you and I wouldn't take back those three days on nothing but coffee, five hours of sleep, and desperate panic for anything in the world.

You simply rock,

P.S. (huh) to you as well, ya brat. :-p

Author's Response: Holy cow! I've written one-shots shorter than your review! (I ran your review through a word count and confirmed this, btw :P) Thank you so much for this. It's so overwhelmingly kind. I feel loved :*

I'm with you on the entire experience being a bit of a blur. On one hand, it seems like it was such a struggle, trying to get everything written on time, editing down the word counts, making sure details meshed. But on the other hand, something about it seemed really effortless, and I think that's because I had a really great partner :) I'm really proud of us, too. TANIFER!

I really enjoyed writing this chapter. It was fun to step a bit out of reality and write everything just a little over the top. I usually try to be so careful with my characterizations, and I kind of agonize over whether or not I am 'ruining' characters, so it was a bit refreshing to not have to do that so much in this chapter. James and Lily were a bit out of character because that's how James imagined them to be, and he was far more concerned with perfection than reality.

I also really loved the bit with Madam Puddifoots. Although, I was a touch sad at first that I didn't get to write the ridiculousness that is the canon version of this tea shop, I really grew to love this scene. It's certainly one of the most over the top parts (what with the pastries and the giggling) but it was super fun to write. I also really enjoy that toast. :)

I don't really write original characters, because I don't think I'm really that good at it, but I'm glad you enjoyed Mr. Wiseacre. He was fun.

Thank you for being so sweet about the snow globe, but I still insist that you wrote it better. ;) (Side note, I /really/ want one of those snow globes. I bet Lily does too...ouch, too soon? ;))

It's probably good that there was a word limit to this challege, because I /really/ want to write the scene where Lily and James are riding in the carriage. It would be full of sentimental drivel that I (shamelessly) adore, but is completely ridiculous. Oh! Kind of like the twirly scene when they exit the carriage :P Love that I got to include something that ridiculous.

Thanks, PIC, I'm really glad the expectation vs. reality idea worked out. I really like it, too, and think it worked out really well.

You'd better like the ending, since you totally inspired this version! After you had done all of your magnificent beta-ing, you mentioned that if I had extra words (hahahahaha) I should include some segments of the Marauder's mocking James for his story. It was something that had crossed my mind previously, but when you said it, it all clicked into place, that was /exactly/ the ending this needed. James was far too angsty in the other versions.

I love your bow analogy. That fits perfectly! Poor, poor, James :(

I think we're going to have to agree to disagree, because /I/ was the luckiest girl at the ball. Thank you again for being the best PIC I could have imagined, and for making this experience (that I was a bit wary of and reluctant to fully jump into) so utterly amazing. And thank you for this awesome novel of a review. I think that it's proof that I was, in fact, luckier than you :P.


P.S. 0:-)

 Report Review

Review #15, by love_is_magic_ Expectation

19th February 2014:
This was just way too adorable, and so so so well written. I truly admire your amazing literary abilities :) This story is going straight into my favourites and I can't wait to read some of your other stuff!

Author's Response: Aww, you are very sweet. Thank you. And thank you so much for the favorite add! I'm really glad that you liked this chapter, and I would love it if you checked out some of my other stories.

Since you enjoyed this, I highly recommend that you check out the second chapter called Murphy's Law by WriteYourHeartOut. She is a fantastic writer and her story picks up where this one lets off.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate your kind words.

 Report Review

Review #16, by HeyMrsPotter Expectation

19th February 2014:
Hey Singularity :D I'd heard lots of good things about yours and Tanya's entry before reading it so I was super excited, and let me just say you did not disappoint!

First off, I adore the idea that you both came up with, the whole Yhprum/Murphy law thing was nothing short of genius.

I thought James' ideal date with Lily sounded completely perfect, from the eating 17 pastries to the snowglobe, amazing! Truthfullly, I was a little heartbroken when I found out that it was all him describing it to the other boys. The transition between the two was completely effortless though. I also thought you had their group dynamic down to a tee, I can just see them all sitting in their dorm and teasing James, and then this line:
"Ugh! Five more hours before I'm due to meet Lily. That's an eternity! he cried out dramatically, falling back onto his bed and effectively ending his friends' tirade. This line was just my absolute favourite.

I'm really eager to find out how the date actually goes, so I'm off to read Tanya's story now. Great job on this!

Dee :)

Author's Response: You had heard good things? That's really sweet (though super intimidating :P). I am very happy to know that you weren't disappointed :)

Tanya gets total credit for the Yhprum's/Murphy's law theme. It was completely her (brilliant) idea.

I'm really glad you liked James and Lily's fantasy date (even if it was a bit over the top). I also don't write much Marauder's era, so I'm super happy that you thought I captured a good dynamic between them.

Thanks again for reading and for leaving such a nice review. :)

 Report Review

Review #17, by nott theodore Expectation

18th February 2014:
Hi! I just wanted to start by saying that I really love the concept for the way these stories are connected. I could tell before I started reading that it was going to be great and you certainly didn't disappoint!

It's times like these I'm really glad I don't write rolling reviews, because you would definitely be laughing at me right now if I did :P You genuinely had me fooled all the way through this to the very end, when it was revealed that this perfect date was all in James's imagination and hadn't actually even happened yet!

This is a really clever and funny piece of writing, and I'm amazed by the standard and editing in it when we only had 72 hours to write!

I have to admit, I started off by being a little disappointed in James and Lily for liking Madam Puddifoot's, because when the books described it, it always sounded like my worst nightmare. The pastry idea definitely sounds great though, and you've now succeeded in making me hungry after those lovely descriptions :P

I loved the way you used dialogue, actually, because it worked really well instead of a lot of description, and the characterisation of James and Lily in this one piece seemed really well done. I expected James to be trying a little harder to impress Lily - in the sense that she would get a bit annoyed with him for trying so hard and making her nervous, because he did clearly try a lot. Of course that all makes sense now, how cool and calm he was even though it was their first date :P

The little snow globe sounds adorable! It's a really sweet present - I wonder what Lily will say when (if) she actually sees it!

I loved the way that the narrative suddenly changed and it was actually James just telling the story, it really surprised me! And then the comment about third person was a nice touch, and all of the boys clamouring to talk to him and interrupt and ask questions. It kind of shows, even in that short section, how close they are as friends since James is willing to open up about his hopes for the date in front of them.

I can't wait to see what it's going to be like when they have their actual date in the sequel! Great job with this!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi there :) Thank you for reading and for leaving such a wonderful review. I really appreciate all your kind words.

The credit for the Yhprum's Law vs. Murphy's Law concept behind the story idea goes completely to my writing partner WriteYourHeartOut. My one contribution to the overall theme was to make my chapter a fantasy version, while hers is the reality, so I'm really glad people seem to be enjoying that bit of a twist :)

Editing props also go to my PIC, as she acted as my beta and fixed so many mistakes. She was really amazing.

I cannot fault you at all for being disappointed in James and Lily for liking Madam Puddifoots (though, in their defense, this version of the tea shop is a far cry from what the shop is /actually/ like).

My stories often tend to focus on a lot of dialogue, as I am not so great and writing descriptions, unfortunately. I'm really glad that you felt that worked for this story. It's something I'm constantly trying to work on, to become a more descriptive writer, but it is definitely a work in progress.

And yeah, only in James' imagination would he ever be this calm and cool on a first date with Lily :P

Thank you again for reading and reviewing and for all of your super kind words!

 Report Review

Review #18, by Pixileanin Expectation

18th February 2014:
This was absolutely adorable! I had no idea that nothing had even taken place until the very end! James dreaming of his "dream date" was so cute, and everything flowed so well for something written for this crazy 72 hour challenge!

All the details were wonderfully crafted, from the pastry overflow to the snow globe (omg, I want one of those!) to the carriage, even??

I have already read your partner's entry, and I have to say that you two complimented each other fantastically! Three cheers for exceptional teamwork!

I commend you for an excellent entry in the Speed Dating challenge! Good luck!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

My PIC helped a lot with the flow of this story. I'm not sure it would have flowed half as well without her suggestions and beta-ing help. She was such a joy to work with.

I am not the best with writing a lot of details and descriptions, so I'm really glad that you thought they were well done. I'm especially happy that you feel so positively about the snow globe, since I know how you love them ;)

Thank you again for reading and reviewing, and for the good luck. Best of luck to you and your partner, as well. I'm looking forward to checking out your entries soon!

 Report Review

Review #19, by LightLeviosa5443 Expectation

17th February 2014:

So, I won't lie when I read the titles I wasn't sure where you would be going with this story, but it was absolutely positively fantastic! I loved the way that you started off the story, by describing Lily. It did a great job at showing how enamored James is/was with Lily and it was a cute way to get the readers to fall in love with her too. I really enjoyed the voice that you used the entire time, it was fun to read and it flowed so smoothly!

Now that I've gone back and read the comment about how they link together, I'm a little afraid. After this beautiful chapter I don't want the date to go wrong! I totally believed that it was going so wonderfully and beautifully. But the boys were right, that isn't very Lily to giggle and go along with all of James' extra ellaboration... The way you ended the chapter was fantastic, it was the perfect way to draw it to a close, and honestly a surprise. I was totally wondering how Lily could possibly think it's bad from her perspective, but the way you ended it makes total sense.

I was so involved in the story the entire time I read it! I even giggled a bit when they were ordering all of those pastries in Madame Puddifoots. I think you did a fantastic job with that scene. I honestly can't decide what part is my favorite!! I'd have to say that very last part when the boys leave and James is setting up everything he needs for the date and he's thinking it's going to be perfect. It really sets us up great for the next part, and makes me more than a little worried that things are going to go the complete opposite of everything he had in mind!!

The way you made us come to realize that it was just fantasy was absolutely brilliant though. Sirius interrupting James. I laughed so hard. I can actually envision it in my head, him jumping off his bed and begging James to stop. It's so fun and believable. And then all of the boys adding in their opinions and comments, telling him that it was unrealistic and that he'd be in for a surprise and that it wouldn't go that well. It was so great and realistic. I kind of wish I had been in the room just so I could've SEEN all of their faces and everything play out! And I'm so repetitive right now.

Basically I loved your half of the story and I can't wait to read the next half on Tanya's. Great job! Definitely so worth all of the hard work you put into it!

xoxo Sarah

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this fantastic review! I'm really glad you decided to read this story, even with being a bit apprehensive about the title.

I'm also (of course) really excited that you liked our stories so much.

The scene in Madam Puddifoots is just so silly and out there, so I'm really glad you found it funny and not /too/ off the wall. I tried to write the whole date as just a little over the top, but not enough that it was immediately apparent that it was a fantasy.

I'm really glad that you liked this ending! I rewrote it three or four times (James was a bit more angsty in previous version). My exceptionally talented writing partner (in crime) helped inspire this ending, though. Collaboration writing is awesome that way :)

You are right, though, things don't go so well for James in WriteYourHeartOut's chapter...poor, poor, James...

Thank you again so much for this really lovely review.

 Report Review

Review #20, by Karou_Marauder Expectation

17th February 2014:
Aw this is so cute. Lily seems a bit girly but other than that it's fine.

SEVENTEEN pastries? I don't think I could move after eating all of them.

That's a nice touch with the snow-globe, or should I say season-globe. Such a sweet scene with Lily and James. I love this.

A carriage? Wow. I wonder how much James spent on that?

Aha! I found the answer to my question: nothing. That explains Lily's girlishness too, so you can ignore that comment.

*grins at "I didn't realize your voice could go up that high."*

This is a really sweet story. There were no typos etc that I could see and it all made sense. I will definitely go over to read Murphy's Law. Well done and good luck in the Speed Dating competition!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

You are right that Lily is a touch out of character in this story. I'm glad you stuck around long enough to figure out why :)

I'm not sure James and Lily actually ate ALL of the seventeen pastries. I'm assuming they just had a few bites of each, but hey, if they want to eat them all, I'm not going to judge.

The lack of typos is definitely due to my awesome writing partner (in crime) who took time away from her own writing to beta this and fix a lot of the more noticeable errors.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing, and thanks for the luck :D

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login