Reading Reviews for Scars
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Mary Lovely Lavender

22nd April 2014:
Hello there!

I really enjoyed this story! You did a great job portraying a person in love with someone who doesn't always love themselves. I really liked this one part: "For a moment, my heart stopped beating. I thought that this was it; she was going to end it. We were going to be over and I would be forced to leave the woman that I loved." Yes, it may not be incredible writing that will get you into Harvard, but the simplicity of it really made a strong impact on the tone. It made it sharp, like the worry and pain he felt when he thought she was going to end it all.

My only real criticism is this one paragraph:
ďJuno, itís fine,Ē Lavender said, grabbing my hand. ďI am very aware of the fact that people are going to stare but if Iím going to live my life on the fact that someone is going to look at me whenever Iím outside, Iím never going to be able to leave the house. Letís get ready before it gets too late.Ē

Now, its not all that bad, but it is probably the weakest paragraph in the chapter, and it seems kind of forced. I might just go back and rework it. It just doesn't seem like Lavender, a girl who was just crying a couple minutes ago, would say something like that.

Well, I will end this saying that I was pleasantly surprised with this one shot. I think you have done a great job writing this piece and developing your characters, especially the narrator and his voice.

Toodaloo from the Blue vs. Bronze review exchange!

Author's Response: Hey there, sorry for getting to this so late! First off, I'm so glad that you enjoyed the one-shot! Second of all, I think you may have missed this throughout the story, but Juno is a female, not a male. I do agree that it isn't writing that'll get me into Harvard but it's great to hear that the sentence still had an impact.

Now that I look back at that paragraph, it does seem a little uncharacteristic for Lavender to say that considering that she was in tears moments ago. Thank you for pointing that out, I'll make sure to go back and fix that later when I look over the story.

Thank you so much for leaving a review!


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Review #2, by LilyLou Lovely Lavender

21st April 2014:
Here for the Ravenclaw Review Battle!

This was so romantic. I love how Juno handled Lavender and her moods. It was great to understand how she felt about Lavender, and it was amazing how protective she was. And how when the waiter asked about it, Juno was ready to claw his eyes out.

My only problem was that we didn't get to know how Lavender looked! Of course, that would be too gory for the atmosphere of the story, but still. I would have loved to have a mental image. Of course, I'd imagine it's really bad... But how bad, you know? Did it run through her eye? Which one? Did it deform her mouth?

Overall, wonderful one shot! I loved reading it. Great job!

-Janelle

Author's Response: Hey there!

I'm glad to hear that it was romantic! I was honestly a little concerned about whether it was romantic at all. I feel like Juno would be the type of person to claw someone's eyes out if they hurt any of the people that she loved, especially if anyone hurt Lavender.

It actually never occurred to me to describe what Lavender's face looked like because maraudertimes had already done it in her one-shot, but I think I will go back and add in the appearance of Lavender, that seems like a good idea. Thanks for pointing it out!

Thanks so much for reviewing!


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Review #3, by patronus_charm Lovely Lavender

21st April 2014:
Hi Grace!

This was such an interesting story because Iíve never read about her through an OCís eyes before so it added a new layer to. I really loved Juno too, as she was just so sweet and encouraging and the perfect friend for her. Aw, they were so cute, I think I might need to go and read the companion story just so I can have some more of them!

I really loved how you wrote Lavender too, how the war seemed to have matured and calmed her so at least she could have something positive from it. I felt so bad for her though when at the beginning she was worried about what they think, but by the end she was bouncing in her chair and being able to wear her scars with pride. It was such a touching moment and almost brought me to tears.

At first I didnít know what to make of the waiter as it was just like ew who the hell are you and are you going to be mean to poor old Lavender and I really wanted to cheer her on, but I felt so proud of her opening up about them and saying where she got them, and then he was so cool about it and was even sort of impressed. It always amazes me how positive peopleís reactions can be to stuff like this, and I thought you wrote it really well.

Aw, this story was just so cute and I definitely fell in love with Juno and Lavender as they were so sweet and surprisingly well matched now I think about it. Great story, Grace!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hey there Kiana!

I've never written Lavender before so I guess this was something new for the both of us. I would definitely suggest reading maraudertimes piece on this (and perhaps reviewing it as well!)

The war was definitely a reality check for Lavender, especially considering the fact that she almost died so it would've definitely put things into perspective for her. I've been on tumblr a lot and if there's one thing that I've learned it's that people don't point and laugh these days as they may have used to.

Thanks so much for reviewing Kiana!


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Review #4, by UnluckyStar57 Lovely Lavender

20th April 2014:
Hello! Happy Blue vs. Bronze Review Battle! :)

First of all, I LOVE "Ain't No Mountain High Enough." It's so fun to sing/dance to!! And I think it was a good song to quote to go along with this story. :)

This was a very lovely story, at times sad, but triumphant and defiant at the end! It was incredibly interesting to see post-war Lavender through the eyes of an OC, and I think you did a great job with setting up her character in this one-shot--she's changed A LOT since the war.

Oh no... I am so glad that Lavender has someone to be there for her when she's having a bluesy day, but it's just terrible that she had to be sad on Valentine's Day. Why was she sad on that day? Did the weight of the world just come crashing down on her shoulders? That happens to all of us, and it really isn't fun. :/

But then she rose above it! I thought it was really amazing how she decided to transcend from her unhappiness and face her fears and anxieties head on. It was also very cool of the waiter to be complimentary and grateful for her service in the war. It will help her power through the hard days in the future, I'm sure!! :)

This story was incredibly well-written! However, I would like to see more telling and less showing--i.e. instead of telling us about the decor in the cafe, you could set the scene by describing what was going on around the restaurant as the diners sat in dark brown chairs and ate on cream-colored tables. However, that's just a suggestion--it's great the way it is! :)

Excellent work!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: High five, I love that song as well! I found out about it through the movie Stepmom. I felt like I really needed a song to go along with this story so I picked one line from Ain't No Mountain High enough that I thought fitted best.

I'm pretty sure that just about everyone changed after the war was over, you can't really come out of something like that being the same as before. I think the fact that Lavender was permanently disfigured and almost died would've made her mature real quick, not to mention she would've watched some of her friends die.

Lavender was feeling bluesy because it was one of those days where she would dwell on the negative about herself, everyone has those days and she just needed someone to cheer her up.

I've got a bad habit of telling instead of not showing, I try to avoid it but sometimes I just completely forget about how I'm supposed to write.

Thank you so much for reviewing!


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Review #5, by Panda Weasley  Lovely Lavender

11th March 2014:
I really enjoyed this story! I love how the writing really kept me guessing at what was going to happen next, or which way the plot was going to go. I liked the way the plot went by the way. I don't have any critiques and thought it was really well done! Good job!

Author's Response: Hello there! I'm so glad to hear that you enjoyed the one-shot! I wasn't all that confident with I'm glad to hear that people are enjoying it! I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed the way that the story went, it was more fluffy than anything else really but all the same, I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #6, by ohmymerlin Lovely Lavender

27th February 2014:
Hello!

I've just come from maraudertimes' story and this was so good! I really liked the way you wrote Juno and the relationship between her and Lavender! You and maraudertimes wrote it very similar so it smoothed really nicely!

It was really sweet how much Juno cared for Lavender - it felt very appropriate for Valentines Day :p

Anyway, I really enjoyed this one-shot! You did a great job with it!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Kayla, what up!

I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed the story! Personally, I think the smoothness is mostly due to the fact that we had very similar, almost identical ideas of what the characters were like for this collaboration and how we wanted it to go.

Thank you so much for your lovely review and I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed the story!


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Review #7, by Maelody Lovely Lavender

23rd February 2014:
I love Juno! Woot! :)

I think, with the character you two created, and from coming off the first story, you really kept true with her. Sometimes with made up characters, between two people, something gets lost I the personality. That didn't happen here! I only just started loving Juno more!

Lavender coming to terms after the movie (by the way I loved the people in the telly bit!) was awesome. It shows she's really trying for Juno. :3

The waiter's excitement was cool, but it was pretty risky for Lavender to say what she did with other customers around. Maybe she would have just said that she got the scars fighting in the Battle of Hogwarts? I'm glad she was so proud and coming to terms with herself, but I think she would fear others chasing her out during her date in fright! :(

I loved this continuation so much! You two made a pair that I love, and actually, I can very much see Lavender falling in love with a woman. I know she dated Ron, but with how obnoxious her behavior was, I never saw her working out with a man. So in all reality, this works perfectly! :)

You two have done an excellent job, and this is definitely one of my favorite collabs! :D Best of luck to you both and this was awesome! :)

~Mae

Author's Response: I'm so glad to hear that you adore Juno! I'm also really glad to hear that we didn't lose Juno between the two of us writers. The great thing that I found out about Lo's idea of Juno and my idea of Juno is that they were really very similar and it wasn't difficult to write her.

It probably was a very risky move to state that she was attacked by Fenrir for everyone to hear but I always figure go big or go home. I also imagined that this would be a few years after Hogwarts and that werewolf rights would have come a long way as well as peoples reactions towards them.

This has been my first time writing slash and doing a collaboration so the fact that you really really loved this actually means a lot to me! Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #8, by Lululuna Lovely Lavender

20th February 2014:
Hello! :) I just read your partner's story, and it was just lovely! I was really excited to meet Juno and see her views on Lavender.

It's heartbreaking, how much Juno loves Lavender and sees her as beautiful. I feel like for Juno, love is a simple thing which she doesn't question, and the fact that she loves Lavender and is certain about it feels so pure and unbreakable. It's an interesting contrast with the other point of view, where Lavender's self-doubt causes her to question her relationship.

In the other story we saw how much Lavender relies on Juno to feel okay with herself, but here I loved how Lavender took some agency and bravery back into her own hands. I loved her explanation to the waiter, and how he supported her like that and showed Lavender that it's okay to be proud of her scars and herself. It was just a perfect moment. Juno's love for Lavender really showed with how she memorized her happiness, it was so lovely.

I really liked the description of the restaurant as well! It's interesting how conscious the couple are of people looking at them and looking at Lavender's face. It really gave the sense that this is a crucial part of their everyday lives, but has the underlying message that perhaps, someday, it won't have to be.

Great job with this, it was just a really lovely story and I really enjoyed your characters! :D Amazing work!

Author's Response: I'm very happy to hear that you're enjoying Juno and Lavender so far!

That is what Juno is like really. Love is love to her no matter what a person looks like, it's who they are that matters the most to her. The idea of actually questioning your relationship with someone just because you think you're not attractive enough for them is completely absurd to her.

I firmly believe that while Lavender may be down and pity herself at times, she is an overall strong person.

I think the staring would be a crucial part of their every day lives. After all, people have a tendency to stare at what is out of the ordinary or abnormal.

Thank you so much for the review and I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed it!


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Review #9, by HeyMrsPotter Lovely Lavender

18th February 2014:
Hi AlexFan! I just finished reading Lo's part of your story. I'm really impressed with the original idea you both came up with and was really excited to read things from Juno's point of view, she's a really interesting original character. Let me start by saying, you did not disappoint!

There's a great continuity between both stories in the characters, especially Juno. I love how well you've portrayed her total love and adoration for Lavender. The part when the hostess in the restaurant looked at Lavender's scars was my favourite bit, she was just so fiercely protective.

Is it sad that I was immensely proud of Lavender by the end of this? From her actually going out to a restaurant to her defiant answer given to the waiter, she was just brilliant. I could definitely see some of her more confident side from her Hogwarts days coming out there.

Again, such an original idea for a story. I thoroughly enjoyed reading yours and Lo's entry for the challenge!

Dee :)

Author's Response: The idea for this story was all Lo's idea, I only helped to tweak and expand it. It's really great to hear that I made Juno an interesting character as well!

I'm glad that you enjoyed Juno's overprotectiveness, I was a little bit worried because it looked like she might've been a little bit too protective and it might've come off as slightly annoying.

It's not sad at all that you're proud of Lavender, that's what I was actually hoping people would feel while reading this. I myself felt immensely proud of Lavender by the end of this.

Thank you so much for the lovely review!


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