Reading Reviews for Dementor
27 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLane Helena Ravenclaw

4th October 2014:
LOVE the implied differences between Helga and Rowena. They fit perfectly with how I imagine them too.

I also really like the emphasis on freedom. I don't know much about Britain in the 900s - had the feudal era begun? But I think it was quite likely to have been a pretty restricted society, at least by the standards of the 21st century. Feudal society was definitely quite restricted. This is probably before the Norman era and I don't know much about the Anglo-Saxons. OK, I'm sort of rambling round in circles, but basically I can see the appeal of freedom to her.

The knowledge that this is going to be her worst memory makes this kind of creepy. It all seems so light and fun and yet we know there is something bad in store.

LOVE the descriptions of what each of the Founders teaches. It fits with what we know of them and of their houses and personalities.

And I also like the way you link her yearning for the tiara with her desire for freedom. This is a very different portrayal of Helena than the way I imagined her, but it makes a lot of sense and all fits together well and also fits with what we know of her life and her interactions with the Bloody Baron. This gives her an obvious reason to reject his advances.

Maybe it's because of what we know from the books, but I find something creepy about Slytherin here. And I think it is interesting that despite growing up in the castle and apparently having pretty close relationships with Helga and Godric, she can only cite ONE time when Salazar was kind to her.

I like the way you have him commenting that love comes later. I read that somewhere in a book, but can't remember where. And I like the way he dismisses love. All seems to fit with what I have read of the feudal era (in England), although my info is from a later era - more the time of Chaucer.

Oooh and I really like Slytherin's hints about not wanting the pureblood lines to die out. That is like him.

And yeah, there is something creepy about him, creepy and cold. I can see why she is afraid.

I may have missed something, but Gryffindor seemed to appear rather abruptly.

I like him though. He seems more willing to support Helena than even her mother is.

I like Helga too. I always imagined her as the peacemaker, but I like the way she stands up for Godric here.

Again though, she does seem to appear a little out of nowhere. I thought it was Godric speaking until she mentioned him by name.

That question about him inventing a new word just to be insulting amused me for some reason.

Poor, poor Helena. Her fear they'd blame her must be worrying. And I really doubt Helga or Godric would. Her mother might be irritated that her daughter had contributed to causing it, but I think she'd get over it.

Aw, that part about thinking her mother was pretending she still needed her almost brought tears to my eyes.

You really make her actions in stealing the diadem understandable. In your version, it is not just pride or ambition or a desire for wisdom that makes her do it; it's far more complicated. And considering that she comes across as a pretty nice person in the little we see of her in canon, it makes sense that there would be provocation. I feel SO sorry for her.

Awesome story.

Author's Response: Have already answered this elsewhere. Thanks for reviewing!

~Leo xx

 Report Review

Review #2, by MargaretLane Dolores Umbridge

12th September 2014:
*laughs at your request that we put away our hatred of Umbridge* I'll try. Hey, somebody made me sympathise with Barty Crouch's decision to give the Aurors the powers he need. Or maybe not sympathise, but understand and if that is possible then anything is.

You've written "her parents though she had plenty of clothes to be going on with". I assume it should be "thought".

I like the part where she assumes Madame Pomfrey is only pitying her. It makes sense. When all her peers are mocking her, she's not going to believe an adult who clearly can't mock her openly, even if she wanted to. Which Madame Pomfrey WOULDN'T, but you know. This is getting confused. What I mean is that a preteen or young teenager is bound to feel "well, she HAS to be nice to me. The people who don't never are, so she probably wouldn't either if she didn't have to."

Love the introduction of the weight loss potion.

And I love the way she dismisses the idea of "healthy mediums" as something an adult WOULD suggest and as an indication they just don't understand.

The part about her trying to overcompensate for looking like a boy makes sense.

And the way she sees everything as negative - Madame Pomfrey laughing kindly is interpreted as mocking, her suggestion Dolores name the cat as a challenge.

I can understand why her parents are reacting as they are - they are obviously worried - but I'm not sure lecturing her and making her feel stupid is the way to increase her self-esteem.

And I think it makes perfect sense that the other students would continue to mock her no matter how much weight she lost. Hard to put a stop to bullying once it starts.

Author's Response: Yeah, put away your hatred of Umbridge. The challenge of this story is "make people not hate Umbridge", and I've actually had a couple of "poor Dolores" comments in reviews.

Yeah, Dolores is pretty negative about everything. Actually, she's a bit like Hugo, thinking that Madam Pomfrey just feels sorry for her and that everything's a challenge. They've got the same insecurity. But then they're different in a lot of ways - Hugo reacts completely differently, and I feel more sorry for Dolores in her situation than I feel for him. She feels Pomfrey's only being nice because of having to, and because of pitying her. I like how you've put it there.

Yeah, however hard she tries she's become their target and that's not going to change. And her parents are reacting in a natural way but one that does no good at all.

I started this story knowing I wanted to write a background explaining just how she ended up as she did. So I went through all her obnoxious characteristics and thought "how would someone become like that?" Atrocious fashion sense, kitten picture obsession, hatred of students enjoying themselves, over-controlling nature, ambition for power, desire to oppress (as evidenced by muggle-born registration committee, amongst other things)... that all screams 'insecurity' to me.

She could have reacted very differently, but she didn't.

Thank you for the lovely review :D *hugs*

 Report Review

Review #3, by SketchCyanide Dolores Umbridge

6th July 2014:
- House Cup 2014 Review -

Since this is for Professor Umbridge's event, this is a fitting chapter to start with.

Dolores is portrayed as an obvious enemy and 'villain' in the books, with her annoying twittering voice and high pitched "girlie" laugh. Needless to say, I am not a fan.

However, the Dolores Jane Umbridge in this story, I am most certainly a fan of(as much as I hate to admit), as she is a reminder that she was once a teenage girl, and went through the same things a lot of teenage girls still do, which makes it really easy to relate to her - SO MANY UMBRIDGE FEELS RIGHT NOW!

I absolutely loved this, and I thought it was brilliant how, even when Umbridge was thin and had nice hair, it didn't change anything, because teen girls will always find something to pick on. It was also a great explanation for why Umbridge is the way that she is in the books, and really made me pity her. WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THAT?!

Anyway, I'm now nervous to move onto the next chapter, because I don't know what you're going to do to Luna!

Again, loved it :P

-- Jez

Author's Response: UMBRIDGE FEELS!!! You don't know what a feeling of triumph that gives me when people say that. Umbridge is agreed to be the one character everyone hates, and I made you consider another side to her!

Poor Dolores. (I always get a thrill out of saying that). Of course she could have reacted very differently, have decided that she was going to help other girls avoid being in that situation, but of course she didn't. She turned into the tyrant everyone despises.

Ooh yes, Luna's chapter. Oh, it's the Molly one you have to be nervous of... *cackles*

Thank you!

~ Leo xx

 Report Review

Review #4, by AlexFan Luna Lovegood

8th June 2014:
Phew, so I'm finally getting around to reviewing this after a week of putting it off.

This was so sweet and so sad. I loved how Luna kept thinking of her mum and the things that she would've done had she been there to make her feel better and to explain things to her and to take her on a walk. She knew why her mum wasn't there but at the same time it was like death was too big of a concept for little Luna to understand so she just kind of forgot about it and kept wondering why her mummy wouldn't show up.

It was really interesting to see grief from the point of view of a child because you never really know what a kid is thinking in a situation like this. Luna was so confused but at the same time she was really sad about everything going on and it was like she didn't really understand why she was sad but she knew that she was and her mummy wasn't there to explain why everyone was crying. Her continuous use of the word mummy just added the innocence of everything and just made me feel even worse about Luna because that innocence was going to be ruined once someone explained to her why her mum wasn't there anymore and why she didn't get up.

The more I talk about this chapter the sadder it's going to make me so I'll just leave it off here and tell you that this was really good and good luck on the challenge! Winners will be announced soon!

Author's Response: Poor little Luna. She doesn't understand the concept of death, just that mummy never breaks her promises and now she has. At least Mrs Weasley is there to help her (because the prospect of leaving her with just Xenophilus is no something we want to contemplate).

Thank you!

- Leonore

 Report Review

Review #5, by Veritaserum27 Molly Weasley

1st June 2014:
Hi Leonore!

I'm here for the BvB review battle!

I want to tell you again how brilliant this concept is. The idea of everyone's happiest moments with "Patronus," and characters' worst moments with "Dementor!"

I also liked the moment you chose for Molly. It would have been really easy to do Fred's death, but this lead to a really nice story about how much her brothers meant to her and how close the family was.

The family plays! Oh my goodness! My cousins and I used to do that all the time and it totally brought me back to those days. Of course, Charlie would only play the dragon and Percy would be the evil sorcerer. That was fabulous.

I also thought that you did a really great job with the description of Molly's grief process. She would not be able to accept her brothers' deaths outright - they were pranksters and clever and she loved them so much that she had to come up with scenarios in her head that involved their escape. I think you captured her feelings of helplessness and fierce motherly protection quite well. That was the Molly we saw in the books and I imagined it was always that way.

Another great aspect of this story was the fact that you nicely portrayed the overarching feeling of the first wizarding war. It didn't really have a dramatic ending, did it? It probably was fairly confusing for the wizarding population to accept that it was really over - that Voldemort was truly gone.

This line: "That's why we're fighting - for you, and them, and everyone else that he wants to kill. So that your children will never have to fight, and nor will anyone else's." really got to me. Ugh. We all know it wasn't over and Molly hadn't even payed the highest price just yet. :(

Thanks again, I've been thoroughly enjoying this story!


Author's Response: It was going to be about Fred's death but then I saw the siblings challenge and thought of Fabian and Gideon. I'm glad I did, because everyone expect it to be Fred but that's been written so many times. And I could still work in the Fred feels :

That play... I had to do it, for its prophetic nature. My brother and sister and I used to do it all the time too (unfortunately without Charlie's dragon costume). And who would play the heroes but the twins?

The ending... the idea came to me and I knew it was as cruel as I could make it. Molly's brothers, who were protective of her but also her little brothers who she looked after, promised that they'd protect her children. They died to protect her children. And it wasn't enough. But I've just had a thought - they're looking after Fred now he's gone. But even they were never separated.

Thank you for a lovely review.

- Leonore

 Report Review

Review #6, by newgenerationlover Dolores Umbridge

14th May 2014:
Gah! Why did you have to give me the Umbridge feels?? Its unnatural!! I don't think anyone has done a story like this before. It is a really interesting take on how Umbridge became Umbridge. She was pretty much the polar opposite of what we saw her as in the books and movies. She let the bulling get to her and so she changed herself. Pomfrey helped a little, but I think the only thing that could have helped Umbridge was one of her classmates visiting her and showing her that she no longer had to be alone and it made my heart break that no one came to her need. I liked how she gave up being skinny and just allowed herself to be her, but at the same time we know that she will grow up to be a woman with a high voice who wears all pink, so, deep down, she still wanted to fit in. Really enjoyed this chapter and your interesting take on Umbridge's life.

Author's Response: UMBRIDGE FEELS!

Well, no kid could be born completely evil and cruel for fun. Even Voldemort started off in a muggle orphanage feeling rather set apart from the other children, and instead of fitting in he decided to set himself above the other children. The fact he was conceived under the influence of a love potion also helped, but that wasn't the case for Dolores. I think her hate of other people is a way of letting out her own self hate.

Thank you!

- Leonore

 Report Review

Review #7, by Veritaserum27 Luna Lovegood

9th May 2014:
Hi Leonore - I'm here for the BvB review battle.

I really liked the idea of telling stories of character's worst moments and calling it "Dementor." I think that is a really great way to compile of a bunch of stories. Also, I love all the characters that you chose. They are all so different and that makes the collection so much more interesting.

Now, on to the Luna story. You did a great job telling this story from the point of view of a child Luna. I loved the repetition of the word Mummy and that Luna is preoccupied with her Mummy coming back and "not being here." You were able to give us the story through her eyes and still put in enough clues to let us know what happened.

I think my favorite part was how you set the stage as to why Luna painted all of her friends on the ceiling of her bedroom (from DH). It was her mother's passion to paint and that part of her Mum never left Luna.

I also liked the imagery of the butterfly. How it was leading Luna to the meadow, but then she wasn't able to see it anymore. It was a great comparison to how her Mummy was leading her, but was no longer with her anymore.

Having Ginny and Molly show up at the end to help Luna get through the loss of her Mum was a nice touch. It was so sweet to see that Luna and Ginny's friendship started before Hogwarts.

Thanks for the great story!


Author's Response: Hi Beth!

I wrote "Patronus" first, which is the opposite of "Dementor". But happiest memories aren't really my main interest when writing so I knew from very early on - just a few paragraphs in on the first chapter of "Patronus" - that I was going to write "Dementor" afterwards. Largely because I wanted to write all of the things that Dolores went through to make her as she was, things I hinted at in "Patronus". I'm glad you liked the idea! I really wanted a real variety, for interest when writing let alone reading.

I think Luna has a kind of belief that either the butterfly is mummy but in a different form - because mummy can do all kinds of magic, so there's no reason why she shouldn't be able to turn into a butterfly - or it was sent by mummy to take Luna for a walk because she promised but couldn't do it herself.

Ginny and Luna were the same age and lived not far away from each other, plus they're both from magical families so wouldn't have to worry about letting things slip about magic. And can you imagine Molly leaving little Luna with just Xenophilus?

Thank you for the great review!

- Leonore

 Report Review

Review #8, by ReeBee Helena Ravenclaw

7th May 2014:
Hi there! First of all, i would like to apologise for how late this review is- RL got to me. i am really really sorry! Onto the review?

Characterisation: Fantastic! Amazing! Really! I loved it! Especially Helena! She is so so relatable! Even if we're not faced with similar problems- the teenage age is shown perfectly and all the emotions are so so realistic! I really loved it! And Salazar! God you captured him perfectly! And I L O V E D Gryffindor! Seriously, so chivalrous and amazing!

Description: gorgeous! I really loved how it helped set the tone and sort of showed us that this is founders era! And everything was amazingly gorgeous that i am speechless!

Plot: SO INTERESTING!!! Ill be honest, this is my second founders fic and it was seriously so super interesting!! I really loved the connection between the two founders (well one founder and a founderís daughter)! And well, it was just all round awesome!

Challenge: all rules met :)

Thnaks so much for entering and Iím super sorry for the late review!!

-ReeBee :)

Author's Response: Hi ReeBee,

Yay, thank you :D I didn't think this one was up to the standard of the rest (where the stories are just milked for every last possible source of feels) but your review's put a big smile on my face. Clearly we know the reults (woohoo!) because if you think you're a slow reviewer I'm definitely a slow responder. Well, no doubt about that.

Thank you :)

- Leonore

 Report Review

Review #9, by LightLeviosa5443 Dolores Umbridge

6th May 2014:
Hi hon! Here for the BvB!

Wow, when I chose this story and read that there was a trigger warning I expected for there to be sad parts. But this was just, wow. I think you did a really incredible job of taking a character that EVERYONE hates and making us feel bad for her. I knew that at the end of the chapter I wanted to high five her for being determined to prove them wrong, but I also just wanted to hug her.

I felt so bad for her warped view of everyone, and everything and I wanted to hurt the people that were mean to her. You did such an amazing job of evoking emotions out of me. I mean, I was in tears towards the end. I just. Wow. This was really really well done, and really powerful and just. I don't even have words. I feel bad that I'm not leaving you a proper review, but I just don't have words.

I did catch one tiny thing that I thought I'd point out : In the very beginning, in the first paragraph you say were smart shoes and..., I think you meant 'wear' instead of 'were'! Just thought I'd mention it!

This was absolutely incredible. Just. Wow. Amazing job hon!

xoxo Sarah ♥

Author's Response: Hi Sarah!

I love the way everyone says they now feel sorry for Dolores! Because having written it, I must admit I do.

I'm not sure about high-fiving her, because her desire to prove them wrong was carried out in the wrong way and made her what she was. She'd appreciate the hug, except she'd be convinced it was just pity.

Me and homonyms : Thanks for pointing it out, I never used to do that. I think it's now that I've written more so type without really thinking as I hear in my head.

Thank you so much!

- Leonore

 Report Review

Review #10, by Veritaserum27 Dolores Umbridge

5th May 2014:

Here for BvB review battle. I think you did a fabulous job with this! First off, the very idea of making a collection for works based around characters best and worst moments is genius! I love it and I will be reading more of them!

Now, on to poor Dolores. I actually said poor Dolores! I did not think anyone could make me feel bad for such a wretched character, but this was so well written, that you can't help but - at least UNDERSTAND her. I also love that you explained every part of her character. The voice, the insane love of cats and the pink outfits. You managed to do all of this and write a story that creates awareness of substance abuse, bullying and eating disorders. Great job!


Author's Response: Hi!

POOR DOLORES! I always love it when people say that in reviews! It shows I succeeded. Thank you :)

- Leonore

 Report Review

Review #11, by Infinityx Helena Ravenclaw

5th May 2014:
Hello again, Leonore!

I'm a bit glad that this chapter wasn't like the previous ones. Incredibly touching, and brilliantly written, yes. But it wasn't heartbreaking. My heart says thank you. :P

I love how you've incorporated various elements into this - Helena's marriage, her desire for her mother's power, Salazar's proposal, Killian, the fight between the Founders. They all fit together so well.

I only found the conversation between the Four Founders a bit rushed. Helga would probably try to maintain peace between Godric and Salazar before she says something cutting to Salazar. That was the only bit which I found a bit off. Everything else was great!

I'm going to read the companion piece to this to see what else fits into this story.

Lovely job, Leonore, with the entire story! Your descriptions were just beautiful and everything just makes a huge impact. Great job!


BvB review battle

Author's Response: Hi Erin!

Thank you :) I decided to take a break from being really evil...

As you've probably found out by now, the relevant part of the other story is the reason why she refuses to marry Killian: Matilda.

That conversation was one of the more awkward things to write :

Thanks again for your lovely review!

- Leonore

 Report Review

Review #12, by Infinityx Molly Weasley

5th May 2014:
Oh no. Gideon and Fabion. Why. I love them.

I read another story, a long time ago, in which those two were present and I fell in love with their characters then. This just completely broke my heart because even though I didn't read anything with them in it after that one, I always held a soft spot for them.

Agh. Leonore. Why. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME? :'(

I don't know what to say. Just. Gah. ewnflkdmfl.

When I read that part where Fred and George enacted the scene and it was Fred's turn to act dead, that was it. I am just broken. Into little tiny pieces. You must be so happy.

Everything was just so heart wrenching and powerful. I can't even. Gosh. :( And that final line. Molly. Damn. What. Okay I'm not making any sense.

Deep breath. Being coherent for a while.

I know I should have expected a devastating blow after reading the first two chapters, but that didn't make this any less hard to take in. As usual, your writing is just brilliant. I love how you've included all those little touching moments, making their deaths even more sad.

I'm sorry for the weird review. Your writing just tips me over the edge.


BvB review battle

 Report Review

Review #13, by Infinityx Luna Lovegood

4th May 2014:
WHY. LEONORE. WHY DO YOU MAKE ME CRY LIKE THIS? (Literally. I can't stop the tears.)

This was just. Wait, let me just get a tissue.

Okay, I'm back and a bit composed now. I dubbed you the Queen of Thrillers, but you're more like the Queen of Emotions. This was just so heartbreaking, and I can't get over what's happened and little Luna's feelings. :'(

Luna and her mum really seemed to have a very special connection. One that isn't as strong with her dad and it's so sad to know that she's lost that. Well, yeah, we all already knew she lost her mother, but I don't think any of us really gave that too much thought. It was such a brilliant idea to write about this. Okay, the tears are flowing again.

I love the reference to the gold color and the butterflies and bees. Morning walks, perfect weather.. everything just paints a scene of serenity and beauty. Luna is so innocent and it's even more heartbreaking since she can't really wrap her head around the concept and only thinks about Mummy's promises and spending time with her. :'(

Aww, and those repetitions of how she things she can do all the Mummy work was just. :') I love how you've connected this instance to her paintings, and the amount of detail is just wonderful. You've really put a lot of thought into this.

Bringing Ginny and Molly into this was also a great touch!

Lovely, Leonore.


BvB review battle

Author's Response: Erin! Thank you so much!

Queen of Emotions - I like that name a lot :D


OK NO I'M NOT REALLY I'M REALLY HAPPY BECAUSE I'M EVIL. Hey, we're writers. No-one expects us to be sorry.

Um... what so say... um, thanks? Thank you thank you thank you, I love your reviews so much!

*squee* *hugs*

~ Leo xx

 Report Review

Review #14, by Infinityx Dolores Umbridge

3rd May 2014:
Oh my! Leonore! First of all, bravo for writing a piece which elicits such sympathy for Umbridge from the readers. You've written it in such a beautiful way, and I can't hate her anymore after reading this!

The Sorting Hat's mistake. That's just. jdgsndjs. I think it was a brilliant idea to include that there. It just made this all the more powerful, because the later Umbridge who seemed to be a Slytherin through and through was seen as a disgrace to her house earlier. That's just so sad. :(

Ugh. Some girls can be so shallow, picking on people just because of the clothes they wear. That's just disgusting. And once again, by using such a simple theme, you've managed to evoke such sympathy!

Oh no! I can't believe she was so careless, and went to such lengths to become thin and "beautiful". It's shocking, but also very believable at the same time. I feel like hugging her now. Haha, look at me, feeling so compassionate towards Umbridge, the one character I used to hate more than anyone else. You are one brilliant writer, Leonore.

That was so sweet of Pomfrey to go with her. I wish Dolores (yeah I said Dolores, not Umbridge. :P) had a few friends who'd stuck by her. Then maybe she'd have grown up to be a nice person. Oh well.

Angel. And that last line. Oh gosh, I'm tearing up for her now. This is so sad!! And so believable. It totally explains her future behavior, although it doesn't justify it. I can't help but think of her in a different way now. And it also made me realize how quick people are to judge others just by the way they behave currently, and not really think that it might be due to some bad past occurrences.

Lovely story, Leonore. I love your writing.


(BvB review battle)

Author's Response: Awww, thanks! The main aim with this story is to make people at least able to relate to Dolores. And yep, I call all my characters by their first names once I've written them :)

The Sorting Hat didn't make a mistake, although the other Slytherins said it did; she always had the pride and ambition, she just didn't have the other skills necessary to fit in and succeed. It wasn't until later that she gained the ability to make those "qualities" show.

They'll pick on her for anything, because that's the "cool" thing to do. It's horrible and shallow, but that's what they consider survival tactics. Dolores is the scapegoat, and those who might be friends with her are afraid of being turned on.

It happens all the time in our world, people go too far in an attempt to fit in. She'd appreciate your hug, if she didn't convince herself that you were only pretending to be kind and really you were laughing at her weakness.

That's why she loves kittens. The only one who she can feel doesn't judge her is an animal, a little white kitten who adores her completely.

Really, she could have gone three ways from this. She could have been crushed by what she went through and given up, she could have found the strength to keep on being herself until they grew out of the bullying stage and gone on to do what she wanted to - perhaps helping other girls in that situation - or she could convince herself that she's alone and no-one cares about her so why should she care about them, and hunt for revenge. That's the path she chose, unfortunately.

In the HP books, Umbridge is such a one-dimensional character, but I felt there had to be some back-story. And this is it!

Thanks! :D *hugs*

- Leonore

 Report Review

Review #15, by Ravenclaw333 Dolores Umbridge

3rd May 2014:
This was such an amazing piece, as any writing that elicits sympathy for Dolores Umbridge has to be! You've done an incredible job with this, dealing with eating disorders and body image issues, and the little details you've slipped in about how she started - the pink, the curls, the kitten - all make so much sense within the canon. You've sowed the seeds here for her later cruelty and need for control and respect, and while nothing can justify her behaviour, you do go a long way in explaining it. A fantastic chapter and I will definitely be reading more!

Author's Response: Thank you! She's an interesting character to write because in the books her actions are unjustified, and it takes a lot to explain them. If I can make people feel some sympathy towards her, I feel I've achieved a lot.

- Leonore

 Report Review

Review #16, by kenpo Molly Weasley

18th April 2014:

Oh man. This is going to be about her brothers, isn't it? Oh man. Will it end with Fred? Oh man. Uh oh. I'm really nervous.


OH GOD. THAT LINE. It killed me. I'm so sad. I love those twins!!!

George's life would never be the same without his brother.


Really, why are you doing this to me?


Deep breaths. Okay. Okay. Count to ten.

I'm better now.

Gosh, this made me FEEL! I really hate you a little bit, but I also love you because you're clearly an amazing writer.

All those details where you skirted around mentioning Fred's death... they all hit me so hard. Harder than if you'd actually made the comparison.

I always forget about those two. And how the older kids would've really known their uncles, and how Molly had brothers that she lost. It's so sad. And horrible. And sad. And lots of things that I can't even really describe right now.

I'm sorry. This review is so lame, but all I can really say is that this writing was beautiful and heartbreaking and amazing.

Who is next? Helena!! That should be interesting!! I'm excited!!

-Huffleclaw/Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza

Author's Response: You knew before you started how this would make you feel. You chose to read it.

The obvious worst memory would be Fred, but we already know what happened there and it has been written many times. There was also the sibling's challenge that gave me the idea for this. So it's her worst memory for a long time, at least until- You know how that sentence finishes.

I love them too, but I have this thing for hinting at what we know will happen to work at people's emotions - saying it straight out is really hard to make it really work and have so much impact at this.

I love you too. You'd read the first two chapters, you knew what would happen... Thank you so much! You don't really think about characters until you've really read something about them and got more of an idea of who they are - in fact these are some of my more well-known characters that I've found and written (ever heard of Nobby Leach? He was a great politician struggling against corruption... He is one of JK's creations, but one you probably don't recognise. Anyway, back on topic...).

Yep, in the HP books they were just names - "Gideon and Fabian Prewett, original Order of the Pheonix, killed in the first Wizarding War". They had friends and relatives. The Weasleys always cared a lot for family. They were favourite uncles.

It's not lame! You've got my day off to an amazing start - thank you! I'm saying thank you a lot, but I mean it - it's such a lovely surprise to wake up to, especially as there are three of them!

Yep, Helena. More of a recovery one, maybe, so people don't leave crying - a bit more action, less doing my best to rip your heart into millions of pieces :P. Yep, sorry, I do it on purpose.

Seriously? Why do I keep writing responses longer than the original reviews? I'm just going to set up a MTA and be done with it... Post it, Leonore! Stop waffling!

- Leonore

 Report Review

Review #17, by kenpo Luna Lovegood

18th April 2014:
Awww, crap. I was right.

Lemme go get some tissues.

That wasn't a very nice greeting, was it? Let's try again:

Hello! I'm back for chapter two!

I love the idea of writing the words in the air. That's really cool.

This is so sad. I can't use my words very well right now. This is just too sad.

It's so awful that she thinks she could've helped her mother if she'd acted quickly enough. She did exactly the right thing - she went and got her Dad. But she's too young to see that, and it's really heartbreaking.

Hmmm...this is sort of painting a picture of a rather lonely childhood for Luna. I can see that she has loving parents, but I can also see a father in his room and a mother in her's, and Luna all alone looking forward to the next time she'd get to see one of her parents.

The repetition of "Mummy isn't here" and "Mummy isn't coming back" is really heartbreaking. Why are you doing this to me?

Awww, you brought Ginny into it! That's a really nice touch that I wouldn't have ever thought of. And then Molly is there and she's helping out. Molly would do that.

This was so sad.

And then the painting at the end... and lunch! All of these things... it's too late for me to properly process my emotions, and next up is Molly and if it's Fred, I swear I might yell at you for making me feel so sad.

But... this is a really amazing story. If I yell, it's only because I can't handle my emotions. It doesn't make this story any less beautifully written and it doesn't make you any less of an amazing writer.

I don't know if I mentioned it, but your username REALLY fits with your writing style. Leonore, like poetry (hmmm wonder why poetry comes to mind...), like gold paint. Leonore.

I... I might eventually want to name an OC Leonore. Tell me if that's not alright with you.

Okay! I'm rambling! I'm sorry!

-Huffleclaw/Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza

Author's Response: That was a lovely greeting! Just the effect I want my story to have on people - yes, maybe I am an evil person like that.

I think her childhood might have been a bit lonely - that's why she was so good at amusing herself, because she spent quite a bit of time alone - but her mother was very hands-on when she WAS there, which was as much of the day as she could spare (she probably spent a couple of hours a day experimenting). They had their private games, their walks, learning to read, and all the drawing and painting pictures. No doubt there were all kinds of fantastical stories told with different voices for all the characters. It's when she loses her mother that it becomes really lonely, because she's on her own for far more than just a few hours a day.

If you value your heart, steer clear of my stories! My goal is to affect people like this (yes, I do upset myself when I write).

I very rarely end my stories at the lowest point - I couldn't do that to my characters (nothing about my readers...). I'm not sure how I thought of Ginny, but they were friends when they came to Hogwarts and I couldn't imagine Xenophilus and Luna managing without anyone. Oh, I remember - I read another story where Luna came to play with Ginny but the accident had just happened- anyway, that's how I thought of Ginny and Molly being there.

Molly and Fred... um... well as you've already read it you know exactly what I did to you...

Thank you so much! So long as she's a nice person (and not a Mary Sue), of course name a character Leonore! (especially if you direct your readers at my stories :P )

I'm so sorry I hurt you (not really) - thanks again - I'm reading this in the morning, so you've just set me up for a great day!

- Leonore

 Report Review

Review #18, by kenpo Dolores Umbridge

18th April 2014:

Before I start, I want to say that it's really awesome that you're writing a sympathetic Umbridge. I thought about attempting it once for a challenge, but I ended up changing my characters. But that's okay, because I really like the story I ended up writing. But... wow. You've chosen to dig into what turned Dolores into Umbridge. Respect!

Wow. I LOVE that you mention that people said that the sorting was a mistake. In the fandom, for a lot of people her being a Slytherin is such an obvious choice... it's really cool that you added that.

The clothes labels is SO cruel!! Girls can be so mean. That's so sad.

Her apprehension with seeing Madam Pomfrey and not knowing how she'll react is really telling to hat's going on inside her head. I like that you said ho she doesn't want pity - a lot of people think that people "give themselves eating disorders" for all the attention, but that's so often not the case.

As she starts to starve herself, it felt like a realistic progression.

Very sad, but also unfortunately realistic.

The fact that at first, she attempts to lose weight in a healthier way (by eating salad), but then is made fun of for even that is heartbreaking. Those kids are relentless. I've noticed that another review said that they wished they would've seen interatctions, but I think I like that we never actually see it. This way, it's almost like we are Dolores. We've all met that girl, and we've all had times that somebody just won't stop picking on us for exactly what we're most sensitive about in that moment. Leaving it up to the imagination lets the reader make these bullies whoever they want.

You've repeated the paragraph that starts "I found the empty potion bottle" twice.

This was really really well written. You did a great job exploring not only a sensitive and complex topic, but such a character!!

I really enjoyed how to portrayed Madam Pomfrey. She would've been a lot younger, so different, but I also think it's cool to see her from the POV of a girl.

I've both struggled with eating problems and been close to people that have, and you really wrote this forgivingly, understandably, and with compassion. This chapter had a wide open heart, and you covered the topic with a lot of respect.

Overall, this was really fantastic, and I'm lookin g forward to the next chapter! Luna... it'll be about her mother, won't it? Oh gosh. Wish me luck!!

-Huffleclaw/Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza

Author's Response: Just popped on for a minute and- wow! Umbridge was a bit of a challenge, because however much she appears in the third back we still don't really know anything about her. Having written Patronus (with its Umbridge/Fudge "romance"), I'd thought about her a bit and realised what would make a person like that - being bullied. The story came from there.

The sorting was definitely right, in fact I think she was MORE of a Slytherin than most of the girls who bullied her - she wanted to be better than the others, especially the ones who laughed at her, and I think I hinted that she didn't have an extremely happy home life - no doubt she was bullied before Hogwarts as well.

I'm just going to say I have any personal experience with eating disorders, so it's so reassuring to see that people who do agree with the way I portrayed it. I do respect people who suffer from it, because I really doubt its something done deliberately.

You do like it without the interactions? I wondered a little after that other review you mentioned, but I like it like this. It's a combination of not really thinking I'd be able to write realistic scenes and also wanting to get across that this isn't just one occasion - it's all day, every day, from everyone, so it all blurs together.

Oops! Thanks for pointing that out - I thought I'd fixed it but apparently not; I have now! Copy and paste related...

Thank you so much! It's one of those chapters where I got halfway then looked back and thought "is it right to just guess at this?" I decided to check a passage with the staff so that reassured me in terms of ToS at least, but it's only these reviews that let me feel that I did do it right.

As you've already R&R'd the next chapter (squee!), it's a bit late to wish you luck. I'm afraid my goal in this series it to really make the reader feel - I'm cruel like that.

Thanks again for reviewing!

- Leonore

 Report Review

Review #19, by greenbirds Dolores Umbridge

20th February 2014:
Hey! I'm here form the Ravenclaw Review Battle.
This was a really interesting and thought-provoking piece. My best friend was diagnosed with anorexia a few years ago, so this struck quite a chord; she was never bullied or taunted like Dolores was though.
I really enjoyed reading this, you have a fantastic style of writing and you manage to really capture what Dolores is thinking and more importantly, feeling. It's an interesting take on her character, I've read her as being madly in love with Barty Crouch and then alternatively being a lesbian, but I've never read her as fighting an eating disorder! That's creative, and you pulled it off really well.
My only criticism is that maybe you could inject some descriptions to really make the images and scenes you paint more vivid? Maybe also, some interactions with the meaner girls, or interactions with boys.
Also, I'd like to point out that you typed this twice:
"I found the empty bottle in your bag - anything else I should know about? Other than that you haven't been eating." Madam Pomfrey scolded her gently, and it took Dolores a second to realise what she was referring to - the weight loss potion! She'd never managed to get rid of the bottle.

To conclude, a brilliant piece and I look forward to reading more of your work! Bea xx

Author's Response: I don't have any personal links to this kind of eating disorder, so I was a little nervous of what people who did might think. I'm glad you say it struck a chord, as you must know better than me what it's like.

I've never actually managed to find another Umbridge fanfic, apart from maybe as a minor character (haven't really looked, tbh). Those other takes sound interesting - Barty Crouch? I've written her with Fudge, though (set just before OotP). Honestly, though, I think everything with Umbridge in would have to be creative because it takes a lot for someone to end up like that and to make people not hate her.

I was a bit wary of description, as when I checked with staff about whether this would meet TOS the response was that reference was fine but glorification and detail were definitely not. I do see what you mean, and I toyed with actual interactions but they didn't want to come when I was writing (I just put whatever feels natural, often don't even read back before posting) so I didn't bother trying to force it - I just do this for fun, not really seriously (time spent researching begs to differ - obsessive compulsive).

Did I? I'll have to go back and sort that - there was probably some copying and pasting involved.

Thank you for the review!

 Report Review

Review #20, by anonymous Molly Weasley

19th February 2014:
Please update as soon as you possibly can, I am obsessed with this story x

Author's Response: I've got the final chapter planned, but I need to get in the mood to write it (you can't do depression and misery if you're happy and hyper!) Next few days, hopefully. Thank you for reviewing.

 Report Review

Review #21, by megan Luna Lovegood

19th February 2014:
awk wee luna! luv this, 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you!

 Report Review

Review #22, by anonymous Dolores Umbridge

19th February 2014:
I feel like it's really out of character but I like it because it's as if there's a whole new side to Umbridge that was never shown in the books. Keep up the amazing work!!!

Author's Response: Well there must be another side because no-one would be born like she ends up. Her character changes a lot - even after this point, when she begins working. Thanks for reviewing.

 Report Review

Review #23, by Laura Molly Weasley

19th February 2014:
I love this story, even though it tears me up inside.

Author's Response: Thank you! The Fred Weasley hints sneaked in, and I went "no" and then "yes" and "I hate myself" but they had to be there. Thanks for reviewing - even one sentence means a lot.

 Report Review

Review #24, by befuddledbroomsticks Molly Weasley

19th February 2014:
Maybe I'm an emotional wreck after reading this and maybe I'm in tears but oh my goodness you have a gift! This was fabulously written.

Author's Response: Thank you so, so much, it's late and I'm tired but you have just made my day in two sentences. Honestly, I'm just re-reading that review again and again and it is so encouraging, because I can't help worrying about my stories until someone comes along and gives me a review like that. This is why I write, why I post on this site, and I am writing too much now but I do mean it - Thank you!

 Report Review

Review #25, by befuddledbroomsticks Luna Lovegood

19th February 2014:
This was beautifully written, but now I'm terribly emotional and I'm just gonna go cry.

Author's Response: I'm sorry, I'm so cruel to be happy but my dream is to be able to affect people like this.

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>