9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by maskedmuggle Valentine's Day

11th June 2015:

Yay James and Lily! So they weren't quite together yet, but I do like how they'e on their way to it, and it was nice seeing this moment where Lily surprises James by not completely hating him. I loved the dialogue throughout it, and the premise of the story with them making a love potion on Valentine's Day, thus setting the mood for James to interact with Lily and give her the gift later. I also love how you'd expect James to be super brave, but it was great that he was at that mature age where he wasn't that arrogant anymore. In particular, it's always amusing to see how he was kind of frightened of setting Lily off as she has a temper. The formatting of the story here was a bit distracting, so if you did want to edit this, I would consider removing the empty lines. Overall though, this was a lovely Jily fic and I enjoyed reading it.

- Charlotte
Ravenclaw House Cup 2015

Author's Response: Ah yes, the empty lines. For some reason, HPFF doesn't like my computer -.- I will probably go back and edit them out at some point. Jily is probably a tie with Hinny for my favourite canon couple. I love how James grew as a person over the last couple of years at Hogwarts!

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Review #2, by Unicorn_Charm Valentine's Day

8th July 2014:
Hiya! :)

I love anything and everything Marauder, so I thought I would stop here and read your story. This was really, really well done. The characters were written perfectly. I loved the fact that Sirius was spending the entire day hiding from the girls of Hogwarts. That was too, too funny. I really enjoyed how James was just a boy who had a crush on a girl. It wasn't overkill with her, like so many people - including myself, I must admit - are guilty of writing. It was really sweet and very realistic.

Potions class was my favorite part. I could really see Lily barking orders that way, and James sneaking out of class fora moment. That was totally believable of both of their characters. And I'm also sure that Slughorn would have never noticed haha.

The ending was so adorably awkward. I thought it was so cute that he immediately thought she was going to give the rose and candy back. "Of course I'm going to keep them!" made me laugh out loud.

I really enjoyed reading this, very much. It was one of the best one-shots I think I've ever read. Great job on this! :)

House Cup 2014 Review

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: Thank you very much :) I wouldn't say I'm an avid Jily shipper, but they are one of the canon pairings that I do enjoy reading about very much. It was really fun writing about them and working with Ral too (although I feel like she did a much better job than I did!)

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Review #3, by DracoFerret11 Valentine's Day

21st February 2014:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for the Valentine's Day competition! :) So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: I didn't notice very many errors except this one: "with and empty spot" where "and" should have been "an." ;)

Plot: What a sweet idea! :) I'm sure there are lots of Lily/James Valentine's Day stories, but I honestly haven't read any of them, so this was my first exposure to the couple on this particular holiday. I like that you chose to write about the year BEFORE they got together. I feel like that isn't something that is often explored when writing about a holiday. I like that you mentioned that Sirius is hiding from girls. Cute. :) The scenario of making a new potion was a bit odd for me, but I don't think it was bad, per say.

Characterization: I think it might have helped me to have more depth of character in this story. There's a lot of dialogue, but I didn't really get too far into how James and Lily are feeling. There are brief hints, but nothing significant to make me feel attached to them, you know?

Descriptions: Along with what I mentioned in the last bullet point, it could help to add more details about how things look, sound, smell, feel, etc. That would make readers "experience" the story more, rather than just reading about it.

Emotions: Same as above. Try to make your readers FEEL what James and Lily are feeling. Dialogue is great, but having emotion behind it will really bring it to life.

Overall, this was cute. With some polishing and fleshing out, I really think it can be even better! Thanks for participating in the competition!


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Review #4, by 800 words of heaven Valentine's Day

18th February 2014:
Hello! Here reviewing the Speed Dating entries!

I wrote a Jily fic too, so I love reading how other people wrote the two of them for this challenge. This was too cute! I loved how James was just happy to spend some time with Lily. They didn't have to do anything romantic, just making love potions was cool.

I loved Remus in this! My favourite part in the entire story was this: "Is this a picnic?" Remus asked. I rolled my eyes and tossed a chocolate bar at him, which he devoured in about ten seconds. So funny!

And poor Sirius! It's not his fault that he's so good-looking, although he could be a little better about it, instead of treating girls like they're expendable. I can imagine why that might get him into trouble. And it also serves him right that he has to go hungry all day. It was a little harsh that they wanted to try the love potion on him, though. It would have been quite hilarious, actually. Room for a sequel, perhaps? ;)

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Review #5, by Maelody Valentine's Day

17th February 2014:
Hey there! This was such a quick, enjoyable, humorous piece and I rather liked it!

James was pretty cool, and I love how you depict Peter as hilarious. Though we don't see much of him, some don't even bother to give him a personality in such a short amount of time. And of course Remus would devour that chocolate bar! XD though I agree with James. Remus needs to learn to think more positively! Think of all the chocolates he could get for Valentines Day! See? The holiday isn't all bad ;)

I like how Lily agreed to work with them and just creste a potion, though their love potion sounded more like experimental cooking haha. I wonder if the strawberries made it taste any better?

That ending was too cute. How he decided to just give her the rose and chocolates (you're right, a lily would have bee too cliché) and then run off was a sweet, unexpected thing of James to do. Especially since we know him as usually being over confident. Then when she returned to him, and how he started to feel rejected, I think you delve into a whole new James there and I can't wait to see what comes of him in the second story. Especially now that he can tolerate Valentines Day a little better.

It was a cute entry, and I'm moving on to its sequel. The best of luck to you and your partner!


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Review #6, by LilyEPotter Valentine's Day

17th February 2014:

This is a cute story! I could just imagine her horror when James suggested they just make up a potion, though that was probably wise given his history... I also liked how by the end of the day, she accepted the gifts that he had given to her.


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Review #7, by Lululuna Valentine's Day

17th February 2014:
Hello! :)

Aw, this was so sweet! There's nothing better than a nice Jily with a happy ending. I really like how you wrote James and how mischievous yet thoughtful he is, he seems like a lot of fun. His statement at the beginning about not being bitter made me laugh as well as it's very classic for being single and annoyed yet a little jealous when seeing an obnoxiously happy couple. :P

I really like as well how James starts to see Lily not as an idealized girl he wants to possess, but as somebody he really gets along with and likes getting to know. At the beginning I thought his obsession for her was a little immature so it was great seeing how it evolved and how he admitted it to himself.

Peter could just never get a girl to agree to go out with him, which was a shame, because he was bloody hilarious. Aw, poor Peter. :( I'm glad you included him, and I really like what a loyal and good mate James is. It makes him really endearing, I loved it.

You did a really good job with describing all the potion ingredients as well, I liked the details. Well done as well for being so creative with what ingredients might go in a love potion. :P

“Of course I'm going to keep them!” she snapped. “I just wanted to say thanks, that's all.” Hehe, this was so funny. I mean, come on James, of course she's going to keep them! It's chocolate! :D I love how she came up to say thank you as well, seems like the beginning of something wonderful.

Great job with this! :) I'm off to read your partner's story now!

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Review #8, by HeyMrsPotter Valentine's Day

17th February 2014:
Hello, I'm here reviewing all of the speed dating entries :)

I do LOVE a good Jily fic, and yours was no different! I want to start off by complimenting you on your characterisation, of like, everyone! Lupin's dislike of Valentine's because of his furry little problem, James being so open in his dreams of marrying Lily and having her babies, Lily's initial exhasperation of James and the idea of him and Sirius almost setting fire to the school were just perfect. Slughorn having them making love potions was such a nice touch too, and something I would totally expect from him.

The whole approach to her beginning to tolerate him was adorable, as was his insecurity when she knocked on the door to thank him and he thought she was giving him the gifts back. I think the potion making and his gifts were really plausible reasons for her to start thawing a little in her dislike of him.

I also really enjoyed the attention to detail you put in to them making the potion, it wasn't just a case of them chucking a load of ingredients in, you obviously really thought about it, and Lily's muggle knowledge was a nice addition :)

All in all, very sweet and fluffy! I'm really looking forward to reading your partner's story.

Dee :)

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Review #9, by kenpo Valentine's Day

16th February 2014:
Awww, this was sweet. I like that you've portrayed as having an absolutely massive crush on Lily, but not as obsessive as he's sometimes portrayed.

I also really like that you had him admit that he didn't take the time to really get to know her. I think that this shows a realistic start to how they could've ended up together.

I think your potions stuff was pretty creative:)

One thing you might want to take a look at is the spacing- you've got a fair bit of space between paragraphs, so it makes it seems a bit sparse.

Author's Response: Yeah for some reason the editor doesn't like my computer, so it puts giant spaces in between everything and I hate it too!!

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