Reading Reviews for Living in a Sea of Death
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pretense Of Perfection On the Hill

21st May 2014:
I had that problem with the text saying bold earlier today, I feel your pain.

Being an avid zombie lover, I adore this concept. I know you wanted to get things going, but for me James' death felt a little too quick, and perhaps a little rushed. But that's just my opinion. It was definitely a cliff hanger, but I feel like we as the reader had zero emotional attachment to him to feel much of anything over his death.

I also like the concept of the kids being on their own, like maybe by the time their parents apparated back to the hill the kids were gone, burying James or something. I can't wait to see where you take this!

Not a bad start overall. Keep up the good work!

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Review #2, by Remus So this is how it begins.

26th March 2014:
Hello!!

So I picked this story because I love zombies and anyone mixing the zombie mythology and the Wizarding world is my hero. AH! And I've heard of Roth and Ruin, have seen it at work and been meaning to read it. I might have to pick it up now!

Your premise is good. I definitely like how it catches everyone unaware of the problem. I mean, even the wizards didn't know what was going on. It even makes me wonder if they had heard of zombies. They had their own kind with the Infery but zombies are different; the Infery aren't contagious at all.

I like Albus's voice. He really sounds like a 15 year old boy. Sarcastic. However, he feels a bit like "meh, whatever, it's ONLY the zombie apocalypse. Nothing big." What I mean is that I would like to see a bit more emotion, such as fright, coming from Albus. I've LONG left my teen years but even at my age I would still be scared of zombies! Panic. What would my family do? Will they survive? Zombie apocalypse can be scary and Albus here feel like "meh...psh, I can handle this. Or whatever." Hahaha

Another thing I would suggest is adding more details to help the reader get into the story. Tell us what's going on. Make us scare for our beloved characters. Basically, paint us a picture of how gruesome they have it (just within your rating allowance, ya know.)

Lastly, punctuation. I would suggest going back and re-read the chapter. You have some missing periods, periods instead of commas and also some missing comas.

Anyway, hope you don't think the review is harsh! :S This was a good beginning and practicing will only make your writing and storytelling better! I really want to know what happens! I hope you don't make either Harry or Ginny into zombies because that will be sad!

--Rosie/Perelandra

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and help!

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Review #3, by LovlyRita So this is how it begins.

23rd February 2014:
hi there :)

I was looking through and I saw your story and instantly knew I had to click on it! I also have a story about the zombie apocalypse in the wizarding world! I hadn't seen another since mine, so I really wanted to take a peek and see how you handled it!

first of all, you shouldn't be afraid to use your own ideas! It's cool to get inspired by a book series but make sure you do your own thing! I know from experience it's so much fun to play in the world of zombies!

I like the way you've introduced the problem into the UK, with someone getting infected, almost like a virus or something, and the world was caught unaware. That is really neat, and definitely an effective way to spread something like this. I also liked the way you make normal wizarding spells not work against them. Very nice touch!

One thing I'd like to see is a little bit more about how Albus is feeling. It seems like he's pretty much unaffected until the very end when he sees the zombies. Like, they infected his school, people he knew died, how did that make him feel? He seems to have a lot of pent up aggression toward his father too, maybe because his father is famous, for some reason? I just get this feeling because of the way you've said "Heard of him? Thought so" and "don't think expelliarmus will work this time." He just seems to be really angry but I'm not sure why. I hope maybe you'll go into that in future chapters!

But yeah, I don't really get a sense of fear from Albus, or really that a lot of things are wrong until the very end of the chapter, and it would be nice to get a little insight into what he's thinking with that.

You have a lot of really nice dialogue here which is awesome because, especially with Lily, you can see her fear and the urgency of the situation.

Make sure you're careful of the tenses that you're using while writing. For example, you write this: "James also rushed in, looking like he is about to faint." You want to make sure all your tenses match, and since most of this is in past tense, you might want to say "was" rather than "is"

But yeah, I think this is a really nice start and I am interested to see where you are taking it! I'm gonna favorite it so I can be alerted to future updates! Writing about zombies can be daunting and a little scary - believe me I know :P But it can also be so fun, so I look forward to seeing all your ideas!! xx

Author's Response: Thanks for all the help!

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