Reading Reviews for Connect the Dots
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pookha hermione

4th April 2016:
So, I quite like this, too. Viktor is more than just the simple cardboard cut-out that he is so often portrayed as. He's human and real. His backstory of the girl with the travel bug gives him a trueness that is often missing.

Hermione here is perfect. She's broken, but needing at the same time. She feels what she's lost with Ron, sees Viktor and knows that he's not the answer either, although he could be a friend. But, I don't think that Hermione's one who could be a friend with benefits and you obviously don't either as she pushes him away.

I get the feeling that while Hermione is broken now, she's strong enough that she will push herself together soon. Especially with the help of her friends.

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Review #2, by TreacleTart hermione

22nd January 2016:
Hey Gina,

Here for The Gryffindor Red vs. Gold Battle. Go team red! I think this is one of the last stories that I haven't read by you.

This was so sad. I don't know what happened with Ron and Hermione, but it's terrible seeing Hermione so broken. I just want to hug her and make her better. Having personally been through an end of a marriage, I thought you did a good job of capturing the deadness and guilt that one feels afterwards. It's a feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone and you really nailed it.

I also thought that you illustrated beautifully the first physical encounter after marriage. I think Hermione feels that seeing Krum might help her move on or that it's like the final nail in the marriage coffin. I also feel like she's trying to convince herself she doesn't have any more feelings for Ron.

I love that Ginny is there to support Hermione too even though she's Ron's sister. That is a true friend and really exemplifies true love. The fact that she keeps coming by to take care of her is beautiful. I'm so glad they have each other.

This was a really deep story and was honestly hard for me to read. It elicited a lot of emotion from me that I've kept buried for a long time. But I would argue that that shows your skill as a writer because you pulled that out of me.

Great job with this.


Sorry if there are any typos. I did this on my cell.

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Review #3, by ADventurous hermione

29th May 2015:

I don't read much post-Hogwarts when the Next Generation characters are babies. I usually read the ones just after the war, before marriage and children come. But I loved this so much! I've never read a story where Ron and Hermione are separated after having Rose! That's a crazy thought that has never passed my mind, in all honesty. I love it!

Your characterization of Hermione is good. Constantly overthinking, over analyzing. She can't be with Krum because of Ron, there's always Ron, and I love that unintentional loyalty on her part. It's so Hermione.

Ginny's wonderful too! She's such a stubborn woman, determined to help Hermione through this rough patch despite the fact that she's Ron's sister. That is so Ginny that I just love it!

If you do end up continuing this, I'd love to read more of how Hermione and Ron are going to grow closer together again. I wonder how her attempts of seeing Ron will go? And hm, a chapter in Krum's perspective? That'd be definitely interesting!

It's been lovely reading all of your stories and leaving you reviews. I'll definitely come back more often, and although I've been crazy busy this month and didn't get the chance to leave reviews on your time travel novel, I will DEFINITELY be back after May to review that story. I have a time travel fic myself. :D Yours seems unique, so I'll definitely find time soon to review!

It's been a pleasure! :D

- ADventurous

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Review #4, by Roisin hermione

5th May 2015:

I love this. LOVE! You have no idea--this is EXACTLY the kind of story I aways want to read: weird pairings involving the trio, post epilogue, that don't exactly end well but are full of interesting emotion.

AND IT WAS SO WELL WRITTEN! Really, the prose throughout was just an absolute delight! I don't think I've read much of your work before, if any, but I should really start! Your word choices were really lovely, and you manage a perfect balance of specific detail and sparse sentences.

Just really uncommonly lovely, and exactly up my alley. I wish I'd taken notes throughout so I could leave more specific comments, but realized early on that this is not the sort of story I can stop-and-go with, I HAD to read it all at once.

One thing though I really admired is how much you left unsaid. A lot of the communication, or discussion in general, was sort of lurking in the pauses between actual words.

And what amazingly sensitive and complicated characterizations! So much was really poignant--especially the image of them sitting and reminiscing in a circle of photographs.

And I just have to say it one more time: THE PROSE. I don't have a single concrit for this story.


(Red and Gold Review Battle: GOLD FOR THE WIN)

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Review #5, by Mistress_Cinder hermione

27th October 2014:
The real world is messy and this seems sad and realistic. Sometimes you love the wrong person and/or you can't love someone who loves you. So Bittersweet...

Author's Response: So true. Thanks for the review!

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Review #6, by grednforge217 hermione

6th July 2014:
Wow. What an incredible story.
I've never known how to feel about Hermione and Krum, simply because there really isn't so much in canon, when you look at it. I like the two as individuals a great deal, and I appreciate Krum for giving Hermione her first "boyfriend experience". I appreciate his kindness, and his modesty. But I'm not sure I really love them together. It's a complicated thing. I like them together, but, as you put so eloquently here, there's alway Ron. Ron's always been in the background for Hermione, and always will be. I love how you put it, and wish, wish that they could have gotten together, but thanks to your lovely piece, I understand why I cannot ship them wholeheartedly. Because there's always Ron.

Again, wonderful work. So sorry for the rant,

Author's Response: No apology needed. I loved this review and I wholeheartedly agree with you. Sometimes I have my doubts about Ronmione and sometimes I think about what would've happened if they hadn't gotten together, but at the end of the day I still ship them. Thanks for your review!

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Review #7, by Pixileanin hermione

11th April 2014:
"He's not much of a fighter these days. We make a rotten pair as it turns out, because neither am I."

I love how this sets you up for Hermione's state of mind. I have no idea what's going on in this fic yet, but I automatically get Hermione's mood.

Something has happened. Something with Ron. I can feel it, but I can't see it yet. I am comforted by Ginny's presence, just as Hermione is, and I'm glad she's there. I'm glad she's willing to come more often, because even though Hermione didn't say it, she needs it.

Well, I know this is supposed to be a romance, but for a very short while, I was afraid that Ron had died... and I'm sort of relieved that he's alive, but man, something must have really HAPPENED, because Hermione left him with a baby. That must have been some THING to have her leave.

The time she spends with Viktor was very well done. I could sense they both had this need to see each other after such a long time, if only to know what happened in each other's lives... I guess to see if they might have had something once, and in Viktor's case, if they could have again. You did a marvelous job of continuing Hermione's feeling of "not being a fighter" throughout that. She wants and she doesn't want, and she needs things that she doesn't think she should... and I loved at the end of the chapter how she's decided things about her future and how she's going to see Ron again.

I really want to see what happens next, and I'm very curious about what tore her apart from Ron, and how seeing Hermione will affect Viktor.

Very lovely first chapter!

Author's Response: Pix! Sorry for the late response. I have the best intentions when it comes to responding to reviews, and then life happens…

Thank you for the great review! I'm really looking forward to getting Viktor's chapter nailed down, because it's been floating around in my head for months now! Some things will be explained in his chapter, but not everything. This will ultimately be a Hermione/Krum story, so while Ron plays a role it will remain background.

Thanks again for the review!

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Review #8, by patronus_charm hermione

29th March 2014:
Hi Gina! I was so excited to read this as I have a soft spot for Hermione/Krum stories, I just so rarely come across them.

Wow, this piece was just stunning really! I think the thing which made it for me was how you started each section with the time as it matched Hermiones methodical mind so well and helped placed in the story. It was also good for another reason because I usually only see that in mysteries whereas this was a romance story, so seeing this calculated thing merged with love created this strange feeling which went well with the whole story as you never really knew what was going to happen next.

Another thing I really enjoyed was your narration style how you only said the things which needed to and skirted around the issue of Ron throughout as that kept us guessing about what was going to happen. Gah, I feel as if Im not describing what I mean to say very well. I guess the best thing to say was sort of fairytale like, how Hermiones thoughts were a sort of mixed until she came back from Krums and realised what she really wanted for her and Rose.

Your descriptions were fantastic in this! From Ginny being pregnant and Roses small cries, to the love Hermione still felt for Viktor and the part when they looked at each others photos. I thought you had all of their idiosyncrasies down perfectly and it really did feel like we were just coming back to all of these characters a few years later and it really felt natural.

I think the ending was my favourite mainly because it was left a little ambiguous because were wondering whether it does go the canon way and Hermione ends up with Ron, or the small hope of mine which is Hermione and Krum somehow end up together. Then again, I do think when Hermione said she would never see him again, that was true so Im guessing the canon way is the right one.

Anyhow, I really loved this one-shot and if a sequel to it is posted, let me know as I would love to read it :D


Author's Response: KIANA YOU'RE WONDERFUL. Thank you for the in-depth review. It totally made my day.

Ah, I'm so glad you liked the times. I agree that it matches Hermione's thought-process, as well as her state of mind. She's restless and frazzled and of course she'd keep eyeing the clock waiting for things to get better. Poor thing.

I'm also glad you liked the ambiguity. My fear was that I left too much out, but I had to stay true to Hermione and what she wanted to reveal. The Ron wound is still too fresh for her to spend too much time discussing it, so those details were inevitably skipped over. Of course, Viktor will zero in on any detail about Ron, considering he wants Hermione for himself, so more details are coming in the second chapter.

Anyway, thanks again for the review! xxx

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Review #9, by lia_2390 hermione

15th March 2014:
Hey Gina, I planned to stop by sooner, but you know how things are.

This story was just...stunning! It creates a sort of feeling when reading it after midnight on a Saturday morning. You had me from the first line. There are bits of sadness interwoven with the hope that some day, things might get better. Parts of it too were very subtle - no huge need for an explanation. Even when it was explained, it was brief and to me, that was enough.

Hermione/Krum is an interesting pairing. Something I thought could have been explored more in the series. I loved that he still had the same yearning for her as he did over a decade earlier. I wonder how their meeting came about. I suppose I'll find that out in your Krum chapter.

As for Hermione, I loved that she was placed in this sort of situation. She's used to being in control of things. She's where you would expect her to be. But here, she's moved into a tiny flat filled with boxes and she has a baby.

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this! I'll go ponder over the subtleties. :D


Author's Response: LIA!

So much love to you for this review. I apologize for taking so long to respond.

Haha, I love that last line: "I'll go ponder over the subtleties." I laughed when I read it, but at the same time it makes me so very happy (almost teary, actually) because that's exactly what I intended. I have such a hard time knowing where the line is between giving too much detail and not enough. I tend to err on the side of not enough because I trust my readers to be smart and make connections, but I always have people that respond with a resounding, "Huh?" So to hear that you enjoyed what wasn't said, that you could read between the lines--that's a success for me.


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Review #10, by academica hermione

25th February 2014:
Hey Gina! I'm here with your requested review, and I really appreciate your patience! I'm very excited to read this given the pairing, too :)

I didn't find the story confusing. I thought it had the same ethereal, foggy feel that love stories for young adults commonly do; in doing so, it mimics the haziness of real romance. I actually kind of like the lack of finality you incorporated, in terms of what happened with Ron and where things will go with Krum and Ron for Hermione. You let the reader fill in the gaps for themselves. For me, as much as I kind of want Hermione to show up with her bags packed at Viktor's door, I think she might have just needed one day to work through her pain before she could make progress with her everyday life.

I also really liked your characterization. Hermione had this neat eye for detail that I think fit in well. She can't control the major events in her life right now, so she fixates on little things she sees, like Ginny's pregnant belly or the stains on Rose's baby blanket. As for Krum, he had this warmth to him that I think we didn't really see much of in canon because we didn't have the intimacy that Hermione had here. I really liked his caring, gentle nature, knowing that a tough guy like him isn't always that way. It didn't seem feminine, just... kind? Courteous?

Anyway, yeah, really enjoyed this and thought you did a great job. I hope I addressed your concerns. If you do write that second chapter, feel free to stop by and re-request, because I would love to read it and offer some thoughts.

Thanks for requesting!


Author's Response: Amanda! Thank you for the review! (And I apologize for taking so long to reply)

Praise coming from you means a lot. I really appreciate you addressing my concerns and I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it. Hopefully I'll get around to Krum's perspective soon, but since it's been so long since I wrote this first chapter, I worry about finding the same tone/rhythm. Oh well. I've still got it on my radar.

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Review #11, by AlexFan hermione

24th February 2014:
Hello there! I've finally gotten around to leaving this review for you.

I'll admit, I'm a Ron/Hermione shipper so I wasn't very fond of Viktor in terms of romance when it comes to Hermione but it's hard to hate the guy when he seems so damn sweet. I liked your portrayal of him in this. I could definitely see him being someone who doesn't want to travel. Being a Quidditch player must've taken him all over the world so he's probably seen almost all of it if not most of it.

I enjoyed reading about Hermione and Viktor looking through photos together. I got this warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach that I get when I think of fun times with friends and such. I liked how they were so relaxed around each other and were laughing together. It put a large smile on my face.

I've never really read a story written in this way before where the time is recorded throughout the day. It was interesting and new. I wish I knew why Hermione left Ron though because that would've been interesting to read but I understand it might not have fit in with the story very well.

But anyway, thank you for the very enjoyable read!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm usually a Ronmione shipper as well, but when I got this pairing for the challenge, I knew I had to try it. Inevitably, my Ronmione leaning got the better of me, so I threw in that bit at the end. ;) But it was fun exploring Viktor years after the tournament and seeing how he'd matured. I think he and Hermione would make a great couple, in another life.

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Review #12, by LightLeviosa5443 hermione

20th February 2014:

I'm (Finally) reviewing all of my challenge entries! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long!

Glad I could spark inspiration!! I won't lie, I've only ever read one Hermione/Krum story, and they never even really were together in it, so I wasn't sure what to expect from this. I really enjoyed this story, or well, chapter. I think it was great the way you wrote it as times throughout the day.

I think it's sweet that Ginny came over to help, and I'd be interested to see what Hermione and Ron do from there, would Hermione see more of Ron, or would they reconcile? I think you did a great job writing an unconventional valentine's piece, but it's really fitting.

I don't even know what I'm reviewing about anymore, I just kind of rambled there, sorry. I really liked this story, I think you did a great job with characterization and making the characters and setting believable!

Good luck! Thanks for entering into the challenge!!

xoxo Sarah

Author's Response: Hi Sarah! Thanks for the challenge and for reviewing my entry! I enjoyed writing a piece about a pairing I hadn't tried yet.

I'm not really sure what Hermione and Ron will do after this. In my head, I imagine them getting back together, since I intended to stick to canon. But I don't know. Maybe I'll explore it in the future.

Thanks again!

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Review #13, by Kinnu hermione

19th February 2014:

I've always liked Hermione/Krum and it's a pleasure to read a story with so much underlying emotion that's just waiting to burst out...

I liked the way you went along with the timings in the story. Helped place a definite timeline so I didn't have to focus on mornings and evenings. This is definitely a subtle way of telling a reader how to think and not what to think. Kudos to you on that idea!

I'm so happy Victor's got a better and more understandable accent in your story...He was very much the fascinating persona with layers and layers and lots of strong opinions with a strong personality. I especially loved the part where he explains to Hermione that he prefers to be old.

Hermione and Ginny's characterisation was very good and Canon. I do like Ginny in a positive role!

You were worried about too much description or leaving things off. Don't be! It helped me visualise the scene so much that I could see it in my head. Leave me a few tips on description please...*winks* I could use a little help.*winks again* And it's good to be a stickler for details. Stories tend to leave you with questions otherwise. There were loose ends like Ron and Hermione splitting, Krum inviting Hermione and these facts came out subtly but obvious. A sentence or two would do them some 'more' good.

Some places, just sometimes, I felt *on the inside* that there was a little too much explanation though... It tended to tell me what to think instead of helping me read the story and interpret it on my own.

This is just a suggestion that helped me in writing! Read the story on your own a few times, putting yourself in someone else's boots. Forget you wrote the story and read it without any pre-conceived notion. Then try to change things that you felt were slightly too much. Or you'll probably end up not finding any errors in the story. Trust me, it happens. And since you can't mollify everyone, convince two sides of you. Its enough!

I didn't mean to offend you at any point of the review. Sorry if I did!

Keep writing! I'm so going to read the next chapter in Krum's perspective...

Go ahead and ask for a review again! Looking forward to it,


Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks so much for the great review! You didn't offend me at all--in fact, I'm grateful for the concrit. It's very helpful as a writer to hear feedback like this. I will definitely take it into consideration as I revisit this story and (eventually) write Krum's perspective. :)

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Review #14, by Remus hermione

17th February 2014:
Hello! Perelandra here from the forums to do your review swap! :D

I usually stick with canon pairings but I have a secret love for Krum/Hermione. He was the first boy to actually see her for a beautiful girl with brains. Not some bookworm who had all the right answers and the person who helped with homework.

I feel like this story, however, needed a bit more background information. Why are Ron and Hermione separated? Heading towards Divorce? Will they stay together? Hermione felt a little flat to me emotion wise. I wanted to believe that she wanted to be with Krum but couldn't. That something (or someone) was holding her back; to let go of her emotions and just be happy with Krum. Overall, I guess this story is a bit too vague to know what really is going on.

I really like the interaction between Hermione and Ginny though. She wants her there but at the same time the line I know you don't want to come more often. That line made me sad! I mean, these two girls were good friends and now, for whatever reason, they're not. At least, Hermione thinks they're not while Ginny here is trying to make her understand that no matter what happened between Hermione and Ron, they're still sisters. Also, it made me giggle how Hermione wanted to touch Ginny's very pregnant belly. Hahaha. Such a maternal thing to do.

I really like your characterization of Krum. It makes sense that he's not one to travel any more and a good reason to break up an engagement. Kinda sad, really. Makes me even wonder if he was happy with the girl to begin with. Aww, I think I just made myself a little bit sad now.

P.S. When I read this, it was back on Saturday and it was a One-Shot and now I see that it's now a Short Story. I'm very curious to know where this is going to go. Part of me (the R/Hr shipper) wants her to stay with Ron, but another part of me is telling me that she belongs with Krum! Hahaha!

Anyway! Thank you for your review swap! And so sorry for taking forever! Surprise date with the Husband on Saturday and dinner with Parents yesterday made it hard to review. However, I'm here now! :D You should get my other review within 24hrs. :)


Author's Response: Hello hello! No worries--a surprise date sounds awfully wonderful. :) And I didn't mind the wait.

Ah, yes. The vagueness was intentional. Ultimately, this is a story about Hermione and Krum, not Hermione and Ron. And because it's in first person and Hermione is purposefully NOT thinking about Ron, I kept those background details out. Some of them will come up in the second chapter from Krum's perspective. Hermione left them out in her narration (I focused more on showcasing her emotional state through description and detail), but Krum will hone in on them because it means Hermione is free. ;) It should clear up some confusion, but this will largely remain a story about their reunion. I don't want to bog it down with background.

It's not that Ginny and Hermione aren't friends anymore, they're just distant. It's because Hermione knows that Ginny and Ron are close, and since they're separated now, she assumes Ginny will side with Ron (she's being ridiculous, really). Ginny obviously disagrees with her reasoning, hence the line about Hermione being her sister. Such a sweet moment.

JKR said that Krum eventually found happiness with a girl from Bulgaria, but never mentioned if they were married or not. So I decided they eventually parted ways. Krum is a pretty resilient guy, so he's doing alright with himself, though I imagine they were happy and it was hard when they first separated. I'll explore that more in the second chapter as well.

This may be a spoiler, but I don't intend this story to be AU, so eventually she will go back to Ron. Okay, so here's some background info: Hermione is dealing with a bit of post-partum depression here, which is why I threw in a lot of references to Ginny's pregnancy/stomach and Hermione aching for that feeling again. I think this contributed a lot to her leaving Ron (which will ultimately be a temporary separation since I'm trying to stick to canon). As far as the actual reason, I imagine it's more a series of little things adding up. That's as much as I'll say. ;)

Well then, I think my response was longer than your review! I apologize. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond--it means a lot!

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Review #15, by Infinityx hermione

17th February 2014:
Hi there! I'm here for the review you requested!

I really enjoyed reading this story! You've been able to fit so many details within this chapter and according to me, they've been written well. Your descriptions are wonderful and I understand why you have a concern that they're overdone. But they help form a vivid picture of every element in the story and I think that that's a strong point.

Okay, on to the story itself. That way I can focus on each element. :)

I know that your biggest concern is about the detailing. Well I love it. I scratch his chin with affection and marvel at his capacity for forgiveness as his sandpaper tongue laps my chapped knuckles. This is such a beautifully written sentence. Every little bit of the scene is described perfectly.

The only thing that was a bit disorienting was that in the beginning, I found the sentences a bit curt and sharp, if you know what I mean. I think there's something a bit off in the tense of your opening sentence. I think it should be I had forgotten to close the curtains. (Ignore me if I'm wrong.) At some places, I felt as though you could have joined a couple of sentences together to form a longer sentence, that would seem more flowy.

There's this one sentence, I sit in the cramped living room still bloated with boxes. Here, the way the sentence is framed is a bit confusing as it seems like she's the one bloated with boxes. I suggest framing it differently or having a connecting word that indicates that you're talking about the room. Something like, I sit in the living room which is still cramped with bloated boxes.

There are so many lines within this story that I absolutely love. It's going to be hard to pick out the ones I like the best, but I just have to gush over a few. :D

steaming mug of French roast, three spoonfuls of sugar but still nightmarishly black. This is such a simple description, but it holds so much meaning. To me, it seems to indicate that something's troubling her, or she's not sleeping properly. I don't know if that's what your intentions were but it seems like a subtle hint of her being troubled instead of stating it outright, and I think that's wonderful.

I swallow the urge to press my palm to the flannel jumper stretched taut around her swollen stomach. I love how you've characterized Hermione. Her motherly feelings are brought out very strongly with the way she's so sweet with Rose and then this urge. It also shows how distant she feels with Ginny. This is something quite different from other stories I've read in which the friendship between Hermione and Ginny blossoms once they each get married to their significant other. But I like the way you've described Hermione here. I can totally relate to her feeling like she can't ask anything of Ginny because Ginny is Ron's sister first and foremost. It's natural for her to feel that way.

"And you're mine," she responds without hesitation. Aww. Ginny's such a sweetheart. I wonder what led to Hermione leaving Ron. My guess is that he cheated on her or something. Which would explain why Ginny is so concerned about Hermione and why Hermione doesn't seem like she's in the best state.

he'll always keep people at an arms length
I'm a little confused about what you mean here, but apart from that, I love the way Hermione describes him.

One thing that left me wondering was the part with all the pictures. Where did Hermione get so many pictures of Rose from? It seems odd that she would be carrying that many around with her.
"She's getting big," I say. I think it should be Victor says here.

I love that heated moment between the two of them. They seem to have such amazing chemistry and the desire that they each feel for the other is overwhelming. The scene seems to have ended a bit abruptly though and the transition to the next part isn't very smooth. For instance, I figured that she's crying because she's confused about Ron. But it's hard to connect to her character here because you haven't given much of a background to what happened in her marriage. And then it seems like Hermione wants to take steps to fix things with Ron. Which again makes me wonder why they separated in the first place. So my theory about him cheating on her wouldn't fit here because then she would let Ron go and make things work with Victor, and Ginny would encourage that as well. I'm burning with curiosity here!

No I'm not crazy.
This story is amazing.
But I have too many questions that I want answered! And I would love to know more about what happened and what happens next. You should make it into a short story! :D

Okay, I'm done with my rant. I hope I wasn't too harsh here. I found your story to be extremely intriguing and wonderfully written. And the way you've written it, with quite a bit unsaid, leads me to think about all the possibilities and itching to know which is the right one. It's just lovely! I wasn't a big fan of the Hermione/Krum ship as the other stories I've read with them as the main pairing weren't too appealing. I love the way you've characterized them here though. And Victor really seems like amazing grown up!

Great work! I loved it! And I hope this review was helpful! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about the review or want to have a chat. :)


Author's Response: Oh my goodness, this review is amazing! I'll try my best to give you a response that is fitting and shows even a fraction of my gratitude.

First, I have to assure you that this is not a harsh review. This is exactly what I was looking for, because I did have genuine concerns about leaving too much out. I did that intentionally (but for the sake of vagueness, not confusion--which is what I was concerned about). That's why the story is split into segments and it's all about connecting the dots. Heh. Get it? ;)

Anyway, the curt sentences at the beginning were meant to mirror Hermione's state of mind. Since it's first person, I played around with the sentence structure to match her mood--so at the beginning she's quite weary and tired, which is why her narration is simpler and more succinct. When her emotions are running high, the narration is much more flowing and lengthy (especially at the part where she's engaging with Krum--both emotionally and then physically).

Oh, and I immediately edited that sentence that you pointed out. The previous reviewer mentioned it as well, and you're both totally right. It's super awkward. (Or was, since it's now edited)

The bit about keeping people at arms length is just a colloquialism for being distant. Viktor doesn't let people in.

Ah, I'm so glad you picked up on all of that (in regards to the relationship between Ginny and Hermione). Yes, they are somewhat distant, because of the separation with Ron, but Ginny wants to eliminate that distance.

See, I'm torn, because I didn't really want this to be a story about Hermione and Ron, which is why I left those details out. But when you mentioned that you had a hard time connecting to her crying (you're right, it is because she's confused), it makes me think that I need to include something. Just a piece of information that will help. I wanted Ron to be distant, because ultimately this is Hermione's story and she's purposefully not thinking about him, but at some level she is, which is why she leaves Viktor's place so abruptly. Meh. I'll play around with that. (Thank you for letting me know, really. It will help me improve this story.)

I may add a second chapter from either Viktor's perspective or Ron's (or perhaps I'll add both!). This was written for a challenge, so I really just wanted to get the first chapter posted. But now you've inspired me to potentially write more!

THANK YOU. Seriously, this review was super insightful and very, very helpful. You are a super star.

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Review #16, by anythingcouldhappen hermione

16th February 2014:
Hi there! Thanks for being my first request :)

I'l start with what I liked! Your writing does an excellent job of getting the reader inside Hermione's head. Even though this was just a one-shot, by the end of the story I was already feeling sorry for Hermione and wondering what happened between her and Ron, and whether they'll give it another try (as was implied by that last sentence?) I think that was your strongest point here--giving me a connection to Hermione and Krum in such a short snippet!

I also think you did a lovely job of description. It was neither too much or too little. It gave me a sense of the scene, but also kept it a little vague, which I think fit with the overall feeling of the story.

I really didn't think it was too confusing. Like I said, there were parts that were a little vague, but they didn't really confuse me--they just made me curious about Hermione's life! There was one line near the beginning that threw me off for a moment:

"I sit in the cramped living room still bloated with boxes."

When I first read this, I thought, Hermione's bloated with WHAT now? I got it after I re-read it, but I think maybe you could phrase it differently in order to make it clear its the living room that's bloated, not Hermione?

In terms of character, I think you did a great job. Like I said, I really felt connected to Hermione and Krum while I was reading. The one thing that kind of stood out was this:

"I giggle as he winks"

Given Hermione's tone in the rest of the story, giggling just seems a little out of place. Maybe if you said it "I involuntarily giggle" or something in that zone, it would fit a little better.

Great job! I hope this helped!


Author's Response: Thanks for leaving me such a great review!

Ah, I'm so glad you felt a connection to Hermione. That is so important to establish in a one-shot, so I'm glad I could achieve that.

Yes! Vague but not confusing. That was quite literally my EXACT intention when writing this. I am so relieved.

Ha, I'm officially embarrassed. That sentence is super awkward! I didn't even realize that as I wrote it--but thanks for pointing it out. It has been edited. :P

And thanks for pointing out that potentially OOC part. I agree, it does seem strange. I was intending to hint at their history; they go way back, so Hermione is somewhat reduced to a teenager when she first sees him. Kind of a throwback moment. I do like your edit (adding 'involuntarily'). I'll take another look at that tomorrow.

You helped so much. Thank you!

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