Reading Reviews for Sunburn
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by EnigmaticEyes16 Chapter Three: Counting Stars

25th July 2014:
This was an interesting chapter. So Sam and June are finally a couple, even if it is in secret. I wonder how long that will work out. Especially when Alice does come back...

Great job on the chapter!

xxNix

 Report Review

Review #2, by EnigmaticEyes16 Chapter Two: Sunburn - Part One of Three

18th July 2014:
So, I'm finally back to read some more of this story. Although, I know I've already read this chapter before, I'm rereading so I can leave a proper review. But wow, this is a long chapter!

First off, I really enjoyed the journal entry at the beginning, especially when he starts telling it to imagine it has feelings, lol. That was priceless. And the whole rant was pretty fun. Especially the part where he says "What can you say to someone who attacks you with your lips? "That was awkward, don't do it again, see you tomorrow."" Haha, it made laugh.

And I really liked the scene with his mom, where he consoles her with ice cream and assures her he has no intentions of seeing his father. I thought that was very cute and endearing for Sam to want help make his mom feel better in a situation like that.

I thought the party scenes were interesting, although June kinda annoys me. But at the end I think she was a little more understanding, and I like how she understood Sam's feelings for Alice and for herself. It's not easy to hear someone doesn't feel about you the way you want them to. I really liked the sunburn metaphor, too, I thought that was really cool.

Great chapter!

 Report Review

Review #3, by ShadowRose Prologue: Let Her Go

8th March 2014:
Hello, I'm here for the Blackout Bingo!

I really love that you've started off with a journal entry. I feel like it makes the whole thing seem personal, like we've really gotten inside the Sam's head right off the bat. He's such a sweetheart, even if he feels like he's too girly for a guy.

I really like Alice too - from what you've shown, she's definitely gotten pulled into the Second Wizarding War, so it'll be interesting to see how that affects her throughout the story. I also like her normal behaviour too - she's so comfortable around her friends, even though she's hiding a huge secret from them, and it's so great to see her having fun away from all of the building drama going on at Hogwarts around this time.

I really love how Sam talks about her flaws - he acknowledges that she's not perfect, but he loves her anyway. Even more than that, he tries to get over her by talking himself out of it later in the chapter, but it's still not successful, because he can't really get over her. They haven't had a whole lot of closure on the situation either, and I think that definitely affects things too.

Overall, I'm really intrigued to see where you go with this story - it was definitely a very interesting start! Great job!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Yes! I love that you've worded it like that! Worried he's too girly to be a guy. I've been fearing that that's the spot where everyone thinks he's a girl and thinks he's gay. It really makes me wish that in some way, I would have left him sexless, but him worrying about his manliness was my way of showing some humor in this. :) Thank you for noticing!

I'm actually super in love with Alice, even though she hasn't been introduced yet! I hope you stick around to meet her. I promise she's just as awesome as I'm making her to be! :) such a kind soul that Alice! ;) and yes, the second war is definitely the time period of this (more so right after it ends, but I'm building to that in the next couple of chapters).

I'm glad you like his approach on loving her. I wanted to stress how "beautiful" and amazing Alice is by his words, but I wanted readers to understand that I'm not trying to create a Mary Sue here. I'm trying to dig into her, and dig into someone's feelings about her. That's why I go on the beautiful and perfect spiel. I don't want her to have flaws now, and have them magically go away later. I want these characters to feel real, and bring a beauty to this story that engages readers to think of their own experiences. :) I'm so glad you like this start! I hope to see you around more often! :D

~Mae


 Report Review

Review #4, by anythingcouldhappen Prologue: Let Her Go

7th March 2014:
Hi! I'm reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)

I really, really like the way this was written. Its so personal and very real. The journal entry was great--it was a nice and interesting way to start off.

One note: "bare" should be "bear".

There were two things I especially loved here! The first is the way you showed how much the boy loves Alice. Like, you don't just say "I love Alice" or anything, you just show it. Its so clear every time he talks about her. It's pretty awesome. Also, all the descriptions you use just paint such a vivid picture of Alice. When you talked about the reflection in her eyes, and that whole bit, i was just blown away. So lovely!

The second thing I liked was how the narrator talked about her not being perfect. Everything he said about that is sooo true. Even though it can be flattering to have people tell you you're perfect, it's overwhelming more than anything. You want them to see the real you--flaws and all. So that part was awesome. *thumbs up*

I'm very curious as to how everything turns out between him and Alice. Great job!

Sam

Author's Response: It was originally all journal, but I didn't realize it wasn't allowed, so I added only two more paragraphs and made it into what it is now! So I'm glad it started off well and continued to be just as good! :D

Oops! XD thanks for that! I'll fix those both right up!

You have no idea what weird happy/excited face I just made at reading your two favorite parts! XD Seriously! :) What I wanted to do was use description over voice. I wanted to let you guys see my characters for once, and I want you guys to feel/remember what he feels. This story is one of those more personal stories, and I want everyone along for the ride. So for you to say I painted her and expressed how much he loved her without even having to say it makes me so happy!

No perfections. No Mary Sues. Just raw beauty! :) in the characters, and the story. :)

Thank you thank you thank you for stopping by! I'm absolutely giddy with joy here at your lovely remarks! :D again, just thank you so much! :)

~Mae


 Report Review

Review #5, by Rumpelstiltskin Prologue: Let Her Go

12th February 2014:
I really love this concept!

It seems like Sam is mildly obsessed with Alice, though she's not attracted to females typically. It's understandable that she would have to sort out her feelings towards her friend, and even more understandable that she isn't quite sure how to do that.

You've done a fantastic job at reveling characterization. You've touched a bit of June's, more so of Sam's (which, of course, we'll learn more about later, as she is the MC), and mostly of Alice's. I really loved the manner in which you've revealed this characterization, by the way.

Oh, and the kiss! It was heartbreaking, really, when Same realized that Alice didn't reciprocate her feelings. That's also a dangerous path to take when dealing with friendships! From the sounds of it, that put a fizzle on their friendship.

So, this was fantastic! I can't wait to read the next chapter!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Yay! I love that word! "Love". It's the best description I can hope for in a reader's feelings ;).

Aaaah, I'm somewhat regretting making Sam a boy now! I think somewhere in the prologue I lost sexuality for Sam, mainly because it doesn't bother me either way, and now I wish I had written him as a girl. To go through this time, and what goes on as a girl in love with Alice would definitely work. But alas, Sam is just a boy who worries that writing in a notebook and only has female friends makes people think he is gay.

However, a mild obsession is the perfect description! To define the line of love and obsession can be hard sometimes, and having both can be really fatal. I think Sam is learning this the hard way.

Thank you for the characterization compliment! In the original bit, the whole prologue was written as a journal entry, but it was rejected because it wasn't allowed, so I had to add two paragraphs to change the whole thing and make it work. Honestly, I think t really helped this story out better than I think I could have imagined. Sam actually thinks about it, and it feels more personal when he talks about June and Alice. I really wanted to get those characters portrayed in a fashion that we don't actually meet them, but learn to feel the same way about them as Sam does. I'm so happy that you liked that!

Heartbreaking is the theme of this story ;) so if you ever need a good sigh (or cry if I can ever manage to get that through writing and emotions) then I hope here will be the place ;). As for the fizzled friendship, I'd imagine so as well. Alas, we must wait to see dear Alice before we really find out!

Thanks so much for giving this story a shot as well! It means so much to me! And to know you think it's fantastic and that you wanna read on makes me beyond ecstatic! :3 just thank you so much! I really appreciate it!
:3


 Report Review

Review #6, by lindslo2012 Chapter Three: Counting Stars

12th February 2014:
Hi again!
I read both chapters instead of just the second one and I really love your story, Once again it is so unique and really touching.
I feel really bad for June... because she is falling in love with Sam and is going to get her heart broken. At least that's what I think is going to happen. Because I bet you he will eventually hear from Alice. And then he won't be able to be in the relationship with June anymore because the love of his life is talking to him or has returned. Maybe I am totally wrong, idk. But your story is addicting and very awesome!
I will be back to read more when you get more chapters in the queue. Once again no mistakes with grammar or anything and your sentences flow together really well! :)
Way to go on writing an awesome story!
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for stopping by! And so quickly, too! :)

I LOVE reading theories! They're the best! :3 while I can't tell you what will and will not be happening in your speculations, I can say that you and I share a few wavelengths ;).

It's addicting? And awesome? Yay! :D that makes me smile and so so happy! This is a pretty near and dear story to me, so I'm glad that it's being told in an enjoyable (enjoyable to keep reading I mean) sort of way! And it's awesome that you'll be back! I look forward to seeing you around ;)

Thank you so much for the lovely review! You're amazing!


 Report Review

Review #7, by EnigmaticEyes16 Chapter One: Wake Me Up

9th February 2014:
Hey! I'm here for the Slytherin Review Tag...

This is an interesting story, kind of heartbreaking in a way. I love Alice and how she made Sam be friends with her by sticking his face into dirt, that just made me laugh. And Sam is clearly in love with her and hurt by her confession and the fact that she didn't come home. I didn't really like how she told him she was a wtich, I think maybe she could have done so in a better way--if only to help him understand such a thing. And I feel so bad for June... as a fellow girl, I know how it feels to want someone who doesn't want you. Sam seemed to think saying nothing after letting her out of the truck was the best route, but I'm worried he might have already lost her by doing so. I'm curious to see what happens in the next chapter.

I'm a little lost on time though. You're story info says post-Hogwarts, but its takes place in 1997 which is when Harry's at Hogwarts. When Alice turns 15/16, that must be about the time Voldemort returns which explains her becoming more quiet and looking over her shoulder and such. I wish there was more about her, I know this is from Sam's POV and he's a muggle and knows nothing about the wizarding world, so we don't even know if Alice is a muggleborn, halfblood, or pureblood... I hope she returns and that we can learn a little more about her.

This was a very interesting start though, and I might have to keep an eye out for your next chapter update to find out what happens next. Good job, overall, though.

xxEnigmaticEyes16

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the review! :D

My goal, as sad as this is, is to make this a pretty heartbreaking story. Without exactly overdoing it.

How she told him she was a witch would have been a lot better thought and planned out, as she was just about to talk to him about her, but dear old Sammy just sort of over-concluded and attacked her with his lips ;). After that, it just sort of blurted out. With maybe a little explanation on her part before she stormed out. Maybe I'll go back on this in a future chapter to help clarify it.

June! Poor June! :( I love June, as she is such a sweetheart. As I don't normally enjoy them (love triangle stories) this definitely is one that goes all the way around. I don't think any of them really realize just how the other feels is exactly how they feel. They're just really wrapped up with themselves and their happiness.

As for the next chapter, hopefully you don't have to wait long because it is currently in the queue! :)

It is a Post-Hogwarts story, because there will only be a few more chapters in '97-'98 before May 2nd, but the rest of the story plays out after the war. I promise! :) I'm just sort of building up!

There will definitely be more on Alice to come! She won't be a mystery girl forever! Just a mystery as to when she returns ;).

I'm glad that you'll be keeping an eye out! :) It's good to know I've gotten your attention in such a positive way! Again, thanks for stopping by from the common room and leaving such an awesome review! I wasn't expecting one so soon, so this made my day! :)

~Mae


 Report Review

Review #8, by lindslo2012 Prologue: Let Her Go

6th February 2014:
Hi there!
First of all, I love the song Let Her Go. It is such a heart-wrenching song because you can feel the heartbreak in the lyrics and your chapter here portrays that VERY well. I can feel the heartbreak of this poor person writing about Alice. I can feel how much he loved her and wanted her and how he felt but she wouldn't ever accept it. I wonder if Alice knew she was breaking his heart and if she cared. Obviously she did if she kept ignoring him- poor guy, I think its a guy, right? Lol. Don't want to get it wrong. But something obvously happened to Alice that seems beyond her control that changed her. And I think she is mostly scared more than anything. I don't think she hates him, she's just terrified after whatever happened with Collin. Very heartbreaking but SUCH a good chapter!!
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Hey there hey there hey there! :D Thanks for coming by so quickly!

I love this song. Actually, it's what really made me want to title each chapter after a different song because it for so well with that first chapter, but I have to base the story off of Sunburn. Oddly enough, I figured this is how I can fit it together! :) but I'm so glad you think I was able to portray the emotion of it into my chapter! :)

Oh Alice! She truly is amazing. I'll even dote on her. But that's all I can really say, because I really want to keep her a surprise to how the narrater talks about her. Though, there is definitely more to learn about how she feels to come in later chapters! It's just, in this current timeline, it would be a little difficult to get ahold of him, if you know what I mean. :)

Thank you so much for a lovely review! I'm glad it did it's job in conveying the feelings of the narrater! It's so much fun writing about fictional people on someone else's point of view!

Thanks again! So so much! I'm really glad you liked it!

~Mae


 Report Review

Review #9, by marauderfan Prologue: Let Her Go

5th February 2014:
Hello, here for our swap :)

This is a great first chapter! I really like that you tell it from the POV of a Muggle, where the reader can tell the signs of whats happening but the narrator doesn't know. Like I can tell that when Alice is 15, Voldemort has returned. And I can understand Alice's fear and uncertainty and how it changes her around her Muggle friends, because they don't know what's happening in the wizarding world and she can't tell them. That would put a huge strain on a friendship.

You wrote their evolving friendship very beautifully, how everything changed over the years, and his feelings, and how everything came to a standstill after she told him the truth.

poor guy, the unnamed narator. I am wondering what will happen now that Alice has told him - will he believe her? How has the war changed her? Its a great start though! Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Thanks! :D I'm already falling in love with this story the more I get into it, you know, since I'm already into writing chapter four ;). Anyway, I'm so glad you caught on to that! I was actually really worried the time frame wouldn't be quite so evident. But that's exactly what was running through my mind as I was writing it.

Again, thank you! Such a compliment! :) I would be lying if I didn't say this story wasn't a teensy bit personal, so it's good to see the feelings are portraying. However, the really funny part is, I didn't intentionally mean to leave the narrater anonymous. The name and sex of the character is definitely mentioned in chapter one, but after these two reviews, I sort of wish I would have kept it that way. It adds a little more to the story. But alas, I didn't. I hope it doesn't disappoint much! Haha

I'm gonna try and keep hush hush on Alice for the time being because I want her introduction to be just as magical as her. :)

I'm so so so glad you liked this chapter! And no problem for the swap! Anytime! :) I love reading others' stories as well! :)

Again, thanks a lot for stopping by! It means a lot to me! :)

~Mae


 Report Review

Review #10, by daliha Prologue: Let Her Go

4th February 2014:
The war from a point a view of a muggle girl who lived next door to a witch, a witch she loved. The power and emotion here is truly amazing I felt the anger, the uncertainty, and that one fleeting moment where Alice would return back her love :) It's a lovely piece and I'm happy to be your first reviewer :)

Author's Response: Hey! I'm so glad this was able to inflict so much emotion! That's exactly its purpose so it makes me happy that it did its job :)

The only thing is, while it wouldn't matter if Sam was a girl (I actually thought about it once or twice) he is a boy. :) I just want to clear that up to save further confusion.

Thank you so much for being my first review! It makes me so happy, and it's even better to know you like it! I hope you stick around and enjoy it throughout! :) thanks a heap!

~Mae


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login