Reading Reviews for Mottled Blue
  
45 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nott theodore One murderer.

6th July 2014:
Oh my goodness, Kiana! What an action-packed last chapter! And yay, I guessed right! I'm strangely happy at that fact even though I kind of didn't want Lavender to be the murderer in the end because I quite like her character after writing about her :P

I really loved the characterisation of Lily in this story. I've already said that but her character was so interesting and refreshing to read about that it made me enjoy the story even more. I liked the fact that while she seemed to take the news of her impending death so calmly at first, she was still a bit paranoid and nervous when the day came because that made her a lot more normal and easy to relate to!

Thank goodness it was just Albus though, although the news about Victoire was worrying. I knew that Lavender had captured her but had no idea what she was going to do, until I twigged that today was meant to be the full moon so maybe she was going to scar her by turning her into a werewolf and the two of them could be broken beauties together?

I loved the character you created for Lavender, though. Her background story was unusual and not something I've seen done before but I felt like it gave her much more motive to do what she did. Although the ending was just so tragic and sad! That Victoire wasn't meant to die and yet she did, then Lavender joined her in death. It felt like Lily was the only one who was a match for her and in a way I suppose it's great she managed to stop her before killing anyone else, but there are still three of the twelve cousins dead now because of it, which is awful!

Brilliantly written though my dear, and I enjoyed every minute of this story!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hi again Sian! Yay, you did guess right, and I feel kind of bad towards her actually as I never give her a nice life in any of my stories when I should really change that as it's just getting a bit cruel now.

Aw, thank you so much, because I think she was definitely one of my favourite characters to write because of her differences. I had to give her some humanity though so it was great that you picked up on it because I didn't want everyone to think I made her some sort of heartless monster!

Yes, Albus survived! Haha, I'm glad I managed to keep that a surprise though because it was definitely a lot of fun keeping it revealed until the end. I did go for a rather twisted route with the whole broken beauty idea but I had always wondered what the impact of her loss of looks would be on her.

Yay for tragic backstories too! I need to stop them as well as making Lavender deranged because after reading these reviews for MB it made me realise I need to write some happy and light story asap, because I'm just so mean. Lily was definitely the match for Lavender because only she could take away the emotions and really understand her motives.

Thank you for these amazing reviews, they were so lovely and meant so much to me! ♥

-Kiana


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Review #2, by nott theodore One funeral.

6th July 2014:
Oh, the funeral was so, so sad! I felt my heart breaking a bit for Ron and Hermione here, because they never realised that one of the letters that they tend to get (which make sense actually) could actually be serious and put the life of their daughter in peril. And then it's not only their daughter, but they lose both of their children, Rose and Hugo, in a couple of days - it's just so sad!

Victoire was acting strangely at the funeral, definitely. Even more strangely than Lily was, but to be honest I just think that's what Lily's like. It made me laugh a little that Harry still had to remind her how to behave and not to be too blunt with Ron and Hermione at a funeral! I'm curious about Victoire, though, and a bit worried... I wouldn't have thought she would be a target since she's not a child of the Golden Trio, but the murderer's definitely got something in store for her and she's jealous of her beauty... which does make me think it might be Lavender. And the later part, about scarring and ruining her life, makes me think it might be her too, but I'm not sure yet. One more chapter left though, so I guess I'll find out soon!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hi again!

I know, it's the horrible thing called hindsight because it was especially bad here given that murders occurred because of their lack of relisation. Yeah, I kind of did a double whammy with the deaths and really made it bad, I think I kill off too many characters without thinking :P

Yes, Lily is definitely strange, well she probably thinks she's normally and everyone else is weird, but Victoire was definitely strange with her. I wouldn't read too much into Victoire being taken because Lily might be seeing too much into it too, but I guess the best thing to say is wait and see! Or not as you've finished the story but you get what I mean :P

Thanks for this great review! :D

-Kiana


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Review #3, by nott theodore One ally.

6th July 2014:
Hi again, Kiana! ♥ Wow, the quality of your writing has just improved so dramatically over the last year and it's such a pleasure to get the chance to read anything of yours! I'm loving this story!

Oh no, the murderer's struck again! That happened so quickly and I just wasn't prepared for Hugo to die as well, I'm so sad about that! I thought that when Lily was sat there with him discussing the murder of Rose and the fact that she knew about it, it wasn't going to be him because he hadn't said anything about being warned... and then that the murder would take place in the same way as before, so I really wasn't prepared for Hugo to die from poison! It's just so, so awful and poor Ron and Hermione oh no :(

The last part with the murderer was kind of chilling and intriguing at the same time. I'm trying to work out who the murderer is... at first I thought it might be Greyback, when you mentioned the part about the full moon, but I thought he was in jail after the war. So then I looked back and Lily takes her death sentence so calmly, but thinks it's a woman's handwriting, so... maybe Lavender? I can't think of anyone else who has a connection to werewolves but it's quite extreme if it is her, so I'd want to know her motives!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hi Sian! Aw *blushes* thank you so much as it means a lot to me given how you've seen my writing right from the beginning really.

Yup, it has and definitely does stand around waiting for time to pass, so be prepared for it to attempt to strike again quickly. I'm sorry that I went and killed Hugo, but at least he got more time in this story than Rose :P Gah, I shouldn't be making sort of jokes like that because poor Ron and Hermione, but hopefully you get what I mean.

Oooh, I'm glad you found it chilling because writing this mystical and mysterious air was so much fun! You are getting close, but I guess with most murders only they really understand their motive as it's usually rather twisted, so hopefully it makes sense once it all unfolds.

Thanks for such a great review! :D

-Kiana


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Review #4, by nott theodore One golden trio.

6th July 2014:
Hello again, lovely! Ooh, and the plot thickens even further! The writing in this is so good!

I can definitely see why Lily works in a mortuary - she definitely seems to get on better with her work than she does with people - I can't believe she told her mum that Rose was just a body! It's still refreshing to read about a character like that to be honest though, because it's not something that I find very often in fanfiction! She's got an almost clinical nature towards the murder of her cousin and I can believe her when she says that they weren't very close. It's going to be interesting to see how she deals with all that surrounds these murders with this attitude!

The switch at the end has just made things even more intriguing! I didn't realise that the murderer was warning the victims with letters! It doesn't surprise me that Lily took it so calmly but now I'm intrigued about who the other targets are going to be! It's quite worrying and I'm assuming that since there's the mark of the Golden Trio, it's going to be either Hugo or Albus or James? But I don't want it to be them, I hope that they can stop the murderer before anyone else dies!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hi Sian!

Haha, I'm glad that the links are clear, because Lily is definitely a lot blunter and colder than most people are. I'm glad you are liking her though, because it was a lot of fun to write someone who doesn't do all these pretences to keep people happy but just comes out with it for the sake of simplicity.

Yes, the letters are very, very important as you probably already know, so I hope you kept an eye on them. I think with Lily though is that even if it is someone related to her, she still wouldn't emotions get in the way too much for the sake of the job.

Thanks for a great review! :D

-Kiana


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Review #5, by nott theodore One body.

6th July 2014:
Hello Kiana, my lovely! You've been so sweet review bombing me and I have to return some of these reviews, even though I have tons and tons of your stories to catch up on, but I've wanted to review this for ages!

I'm so excited that you've written a murder mystery story, it's so cool! And you've drawn me in immediately with your use of second person, you know how much I love that narration and especially your writing! It's really interesting that you've chosen to do that for the murderer - so intriguing that we get to see scenes with the murderer and have to work out who it is! I have absolutely no idea at the moment who it is but I can't wait to read more! The murderer seemed quite cold and ruthless - like the murder was planned and not a moment of passion.

Okay, and the switch to Lily... her characterisation is great! She's so different to any version of her I've seen before because she's much less of a people person and more antisocial, since she prefers to work with corpses rather than people! It's strange but I really liked her character and how different she was, it was a refreshing change. And wow, that ending! I didn't see that coming at all, Kiana! It must have been such a shock for Lily to see her cousin lying on the mortuary slab and that magnified my shock. I'm reading on to find out what happens next!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hi Sian! Well, you went and review bombed me back so thank you so much for that as I loved all of these reviews so much as they were just so wonderful!

Aw, thank you! Haha, yes, it was the only way to write the murderer without giving too much away so I kind of had to do it here because the other two narrations revealed too much I felt. The murderer was definitely ruthless but hopefully understandably so as it was interesting to put a reason behind it all.

Yes, it was so different but recently I've been much more of a fan of writing the not so normal people as they never appear in FF when they're a large make up of society so yeah, I just love weird people! Bahaha, plot twist! I hope you like what happens next and thanks for this amazing review :D

-Kiana


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Review #6, by toomanycurls One golden trio.

26th May 2014:
Kiana!! Thanks for doing a review swap!

For a few paragraphs I wondered if Lily's cold demeanor towards Rose's death meant she was the killer but then the last paragraph blew that out of my mind. Now I'm back to being worried about her emotional distance from a close family member's death. :-/ I hope she's coping okay. Lily notices something quite typical - the dead are always held in higher esteem than if they were alive. I'm sure she has a quite an interesting view of that in her job.

I was starting to wonder if they'd let her keep working on the Rose's body. I mean, most professions require that separation when a family member is involved. Ooh, so they weren't that close. It's nice to see a version of next-gen where they're not all bffs. It is slightly creepy that she's so okay examining Rose.

So, yeah, I wasn't expecting that whammy with "the golden trio" being etched on her back. I like that it's going to be a multi-murder story (that sounds so morbid) because serial killers are way more interesting than one-hit killers. (Just try to read that last bit as not creepy)

I've re-read the last section three or so times wondering who the killer is. Beyond that, all I can say is that I'm now potentially addicted to this story. You did an amazing job with this!!

-Rose

Author's Response: Hi Rose!

Hahah, I never actually had anyone wondering if Lily was the killer so it's interesting that you think she might be. Her emotional distance is strange, but not something to worry about just yet, but then as you said she has such a strange relationship with the dead thanks to her job she's bound to be like that.

Yes, naturally they wouldn't let her work on Rose, but I think in Lily's mind there isn't really thing such as a family it's more of a fictional one so that's why she isn't too freaked out by her cousin's corpse :P

Hahaha, yes, plot twist! But one you should remember because it does play a big part later on ;) Ha, you don't sound creepy as I think they're really interesting to study though I do wonder what would happen if someone took my computer and saw what I was searching...

Aw, thank you, and I'm glad you addicted but the killer won't be properly revealed until the final chapter! :P

-Kiana


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Review #7, by toomanycurls One body.

5th May 2014:
I keep hearing great things about this so I thought I'd stop by for the BvB.

Ooh, I like that you're doing 2nd person. Whoah, you did such an amazing job at the description in just the first paragraph - it's so haunting and vivid.

An anti-germ spell? I know some people who would pay good money for that.

Oof, it's a little too vivid with the idea of her being too injured to ID. I can't blame Lily for wincing.

Oh no! I imagine that this will be extremely hard for Lily. I'll be interested to see how her clinical nature holds up when examining her cousin.

You did such a wonderful job pulling me into this and making me quite curious to know what happened! This is just spectacular, Kiana. I think you know that though. :)

I really admire how you dealth with the gruesome details. It's just enough that my stomach is in knots but not so much that I want to lose my lunch.

incredible!

-Rose

Author's Response: Hi Rose, thanks for dropping by!

Yay for 2nd person! Yeah, I think I get a little too morbid so when I started writing this it was a little too graphic so I was like wait, have to turn this down some how!

Yes, it would be too useful to have that! Ah, sorry about that, but it had to be done, Lily is really strong as a person though so it shouldn't bother her too much. She doesn't really seem to get bothered by most things though to be fair :P

Ah, thanks for this amazing review, Rose, it means so much to me that you liked it, and I'm glad you managed to keep hold of your lunch too!

-Kiana


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Review #8, by Rumpelstiltskin One murderer.

1st May 2014:
Plot/plot arch: Oops, I was mistaken. She didn't kill Victoire, she captured her! Sorry! At any rate, if it is Lavender, and yesterday was the 29th day of the moon cycle...that means that tonight is a full moon and the she could be very well planning on turning Victoire! Everything certainly is suspenseful, with the murderer having Victoire on the roof and Albus and Lily attempting to reach them in time! As I was sharing a mild victory that I was right about the killer, she releases Victoire from the top of the building and my heart stopped! I thought that it couldn't possibly be too late! Lily and Albus are supposed to sweep in at the last second to save Victoire! I also think that it was very fitting for Lavender to end up the way she did, not wanting to be held prisoner.

Characterization: Lily's anticipation of her own death has her a bit paranoid for a moment, but who wouldn't be? Clever Hugo, deciphering that they must be at the top of St. Mungos!

Detail: The amount of descriptions and imagery, though horrific, was amazing in this!

Overall: You did an incredible job at creating a suspenseful, interesting murder mystery!

Notes/other: Fantastic job! I still have to finish some more reviews...but I should have results up soon!

Thanks for entering!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: It's fine, I'm sure one slip-up is allowed, given how you correctly you guessed the rest of it. Whoo, well spotted with the moon, it was only a tiny thing but I thought it would be fun to do, because I'm into all that superstitious stuff way too much. Hahaha, yeah, it can never be too happy in this story so that's why Victoire had to go, and in a way, it tied in well with the murderer's story so I felt it almost had to happen for that reason. I'm sorry for not saving her, but I'm not a fan of happy endings and am a little too morbid and lover of killing characters off, so it had to be! I'm glad that Lavender's actions made sense!

Hahaha, yes, it was weird seeing her not in her cold state but instead in one when she's like ah what's going to happen but I suppose we all have those moments ow and then :P

Thank you for the wonderful compliments and reviews, they really made my day! Plus, creating the challenge was so much fun as it meant I could finally write this story, so when I saw this story came first I was just like aoerifherof and thank you so much for that as I'm still squeeing away!

-Kiana


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Review #9, by Rumpelstiltskin One funeral.

1st May 2014:
Plot/plot arch: Victoire's behavior at the funeral was a little odd, but everybody takes grief differently. Since she was fighting with Rose before she died, Victoire could be taking the death especially hard. I still don't think she's the murderer, and I was correct, given that the murderer observes her in this chapter...and kills her. Lily's bluntness being appreciated by Hermione is quite fitting, as her canon is extremely logical and analytical.

Characterization: I love that Lily is so blunt and clinical that both of her parents have to ask her not to ask Ron and Hermione questions at their childrens's funeral. Her actions continue to point towards sociopathic tendencies, including her desire to solve the case due to the excitement and the reluctance to be hugged. I also appreciated some characterization on Albus and James -- it was like a fun little extra to learn that Albus was really into mysteries while James really just wanted to stay out of it.

Detail: This line, "That's why he chose you, to make you an equal, as ugly as he." further assists my idea that the murderer is Lavender! I may have actually guessed a murderer correctly...maybe I'm getting better at solving mysteries :D...or maybe I'm very, very wrong.

Notes/Other: I'm super excited for the last chapter...I need to know if I'm right or not!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Another great analysis of the characters! Seriously, you should consider becoming a detective or something because you can really read into their minds so well and understand all of their actions and motives and it's so impressive! Whether the killing thing is right is how you interpret it really... :P

I'm so glad that you liked her bluntness, I think I've only just realised my obsession with Sherlock may have seeped into this story a little too much with the way she doesn't like contact so much, and kind of shys away from everyone and thing. Haha, yeah, the Potter children have always interested me, so even though it was only a small cameo from James it was fun to include him!

I think you are, with all these challenge entries, so seriously, whatever job you're doing give it up and become a detective as I think you'll be a great one!

Thanks again for such a fantastic review!

-Kiana


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Review #10, by Rumpelstiltskin One ally.

1st May 2014:
Plot/plot arch: Having a limitation on how long she is supposed to live certainly does give Lily further motivation to solve the crime and catch the murderer. With Rose having some sort of idea about her murderer, and Hugo acting very strangely right before his death things are certainly odd. Though Victoire was mentioned not getting along with Rose some time before her murder, I have a feeling that Victoire ISN'T the killer...I can't seem to find a motive for her. The murderer reveals several things about herself at the end of this chapter that I believe are very important: 1-- whoever harmed her did not use a wand, though he was capable of doing so. 2 -- Her magic is strongest depending on the moon cycle, which points me in the direction of lycanthropy. I'll go further into this in my theory :D.

Detail: Hugo's death was written in great detail, which was disturbing and exciting all at the same time. The way he died...I can only assume that he had been poisoned (and I'm fairly certain that the murderer confirmed poison at the end)!

A Theory: With the speculation of the murderer being a girl (given the handwriting) and going back to the beginning of the story that the murderer wanted to make the body just as marred as she was...I have a bubbling idea of who the murderer could possibly be. Bear with me, because I could certainly be WAY off! Now, if Lavender Brown didn't die in DH, but was still attacked by Fenrir, she could have absolutely viewed her new situation as being worse than death IF she was infected with lycanthropy. The attack certainly would have left her body scarred. She could have blamed the Trio for the incident. Also, since Ron and Hermione's children are being targeted first, she could be still holding a grudge against the pair after having Ron break her heart. Like I said, I could be very wrong...she's just the only person I could come up with who could have a motive at the moment. :D Furthermore, at the very end, the murderer does mention the moon and it's cycle... I think I may just have something with this theory of mine.

Notes/other: I absolutely love your CIs, by the way -- they are fabulous.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi again Rumpel!

It definitely does, but I wouldn't worry too much about the number of days she has left, because with Lily, time isn't too much of a hindrance for her because I don't think she wants to leave the world without solving this crime. Hmm, either if she is/isn't the killer, I would keep an eye on Victoire as there may be something strange going on with her and she'll definitely reveal a lot in the coming chapters! Ooh, you are good, because most people tended to only pick out either one of those lines and not both, because when you have them together they do help a lot!

Yes, the murderer did confirm the poison at the end, so you're right about that! Whoo for disturbed excitement though, it's always a ton of fun!

Wow, can I just say you're one of the most conscientious readers I've had! You notice every point and remember everything too, it makes me imagine you with a database in your head with all the points being added into the formula so you can get an answer to it :P Well, you've finished it now, so not to spoil it for the others whether you're right or not, but it was a very interesting theory :p

Thank you! It's kinda weird how much fun I had making CIs related to death, but oh well! Thanks for another great review, Rumpel!

-Kiana


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Review #11, by Rumpelstiltskin One golden trio.

1st May 2014:
It's taking me forever to get through all of these reviews! Sorry!

Plot/plot arch: Natually, Ginny's in a bit of distress with Ron and Hermione's daughter having been murdered. Lily does have a certain inclination to comfort her mother, but I'm fairly certain it's a learned trait rather than an emotional one. Her thoughts regarding the death, that "Rose only just scrapped through her N.E.W.T.s so couldn't have really be anything" and therefore the death isn't really that crucial, is quite disturbing (and I love it). With the evidence found on the body, I can only speculate that the murderer is attacking those surrounding Harry, Ron, and Hermione in an attempt to make them suffer. That certainly narrows down the list of suspects a bit (at least from absolutely anybody). Then we get another little sneak-peak from the murderer's perspective! I will include all my thoughts on that under his/her characterization...but I do want to mention the suspense in knowing that Lily will die in four days!

Characterization: Lily -- There's just something about a character with a cold disposition towards sensitive topics such as death (especially one as close as Rose's) that I absolutely love. Those analytical and borderline-sociopathic tendencies would make her incredibly good at her job, I would think, as she would be desensitized to death. Bonner -- From what I can tell, it does seem odd that he's attempting to get her to leave the hospital...at least from Lily's perspective. Since her inner mind dictates the narrative, Bonner could simply be trying to be sensitive to Lily about her cousin dying, perhaps thinking that she's in a state of shock or distress that's preventing her from truly grieving. The murderer -- It's clearly someone who is hurting in some way, feeling that they've been wronged by the Golden Trio. The fact that he almost wants to "cheer her on" is disturbing, but it works fantastically for his/her characterization.

Style: As I've mentioned before, Lily's influence on the narrative could be misleading. I like that, because I WANT to trust the narrator, but I'm not sure if I can. While her analytical nature assists the idea that the narrative can be trusted...I just can't be sure.

Notes/other: Hm... theories. Well, the murderer could be an ex-death eater... or perhaps somebody that felt like Harry, Ron, and Hermione had let them down during the war. I don't know yet!

-Rumpel

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi Rumpel, that's fine, I know what life can get like!

Yes, Lily is a rather odd one with the way she lacks compassion and has to force herself to show it, but then it was so much fun to write that sort of character because I always find people like that so odd it was fun to get into their heads and try and understand their actions a little more. It does certainly narrow them down with them being very linked to the Golden Trio. I must admit, I was very tempted to make a random person the murderer and be like PLOT TWIST, but that would have been a little too cruel :P

Whoo for you loving it! I had the odd person who was like erm, Lily's kinda weird, but then I loved that weirdness about her. Her job definitely played a part in her being like that and probably having very famous parents too made her a little out there. Erm, yeah, I did intend to give Bonner a bigger part but in the end he ended up to be a red herring really, so sorry about that! The cheering her on is disturbing, but in a way almost natural when you find out who it is and realise how long they've spent planning it, so they want to see if it all works if it makes sense, though I agree, I do have some very mentally disturbed characters in this story!

Hmm, again, Lily's cold nature needs to be remembered because I can see why it would cause you to mistrust her, but I wouldn't worry too much! Ooh, great theories I have to say, yours are some of the best for around this stage!

Thanks for a fab review, Rumpel!

-Kiana


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Review #12, by kenpo One murderer.

14th April 2014:
Hello! Here for the Eggstravaganza. I don't know how to spell that.

Right. Well. You already know how much I think this story is awesome, and you already (should) know that you're a fantastic writer. I love the way you've created this story and developed the characters right alongside the plot.

Wow. The plot. I... didn't see that coming. But I'm also really horrible at figuring stuff out (snitch.. where.. are... you), so I'm not disappointed in myself.

You created a very interesting character for Lavender in a very short amount of time, which is something you should be proud of. I find it very telling that for Victoire, her goal wasn't to kill, but to take away her beauty.

I think that VIctoire and her beauty is always really interesting, because given Bill's appearance, I can't buy into a really vain Victoire.

Sorry. That wasn't really related.

Lavender's story was really sad, but I liked the way you ended it, with the line about how she was almost beautiful again. I think that the beauty of a dead body is something few people other than Lily would be able to appreciate :p

Overall, this was a really wonderful story, and good luck with the challenge! I ended up not being able to get my story together, but I'll look out for the results:)

Oh, and thanks for the shoutout in your Author's Note!! Eeep!

Author's Response: Hi Georgia, sorry for the late response, and it's fine, I'm not sure how to spell it either!

Aw, thank you so much, I'm just going to sit here and squee about how lovely you are and how this review is still making me smile a week on getting it!

I'm so terrible at figuring stuff out too, so don't worry about it! Also, my thought process was like this could happen...right? And then just making it happen so it was all rather random :P

I'm glad you liked Lavender, as this is the second time I wrote about her, and I always find her such an interesting character, as she's so much more layered than people think, and it's always fun to explore it. You're definitely right about Victoire and how she values her own beauty, but Lavender didn't think to look into that, she was only pursuing her own goals really.

I'm glad you liked how I ended it, as it was a bit risky given what she does, but I think with someone like Lavender she always wants to be in control, and definitely only something people like she and Lily would understand!

Thank you so much for this review and all the others, they were so much fun to read and made my day :D

-Kiana


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Review #13, by Infinityx One murderer.

14th April 2014:
OHMYGOSH KIANA I WAS RIGHT. MY GUESS WAS RIGHT. I swear I hadn't read this chapter before reviewing the previous one! :o Wow. Elfwynn's riddle must be getting to me. :P

I loved this story!! The pace, the plot, the characters were all so brilliant! I never thought that Lavender would walk off the roof. It's so twisted, so brilliant. You've done such a great job with this story! I love that really mysterious way in which you ended it. Lily's weird calmness just lingers throughout, and there's this unnerving understanding that comes with knowing who the killer is. Plus the lack of emotional drama just makes it even more powerful. (I don't know if you understand what I'm saying.)

Take all the good adjectives to describe this story. I absolutely loved it!

~Erin

('Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza')

Author's Response: HEHEHE. YOU WERE! It's fine, I believe you, but this is great practice for when the HC comes along!

Aw, thank you so much, I'm so glad that you liked it, as I wanted it to be a rather twisted story as I've never really written something so dark before, it was definitely a fun foray (if I can call it fun!) into the genre. I'm glad you understand the calmness, as some people found it a little unnerving, but in a way it's such a core aspect of her character she can't not have it, and that was shown with the lack of emotional drama. Plus, I'm sure there are people like that out there, so they need to be shown too!

Thanks for such a fab review, Erin and for following the story, it was such a pleasure to read your thoughts! :D

-Kiana


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Review #14, by Infinityx One funeral.

14th April 2014:
Kianaa! I'm finally here to catch up on the last two chapters!

Okay, maybe this was the wrong time to read this. No I'm kidding, it could never be the wrong time to read this awesome-ness. But with my mind filled with the quidditch riddle, now I can't help but puzzle over this mystery and I'm wondering about all sorts of possibilities!

This was another absolutely amazing chapter! Victoire's hysterical laughter, followed by the second person POV of the murderer, and then the letter just made this so thrilling!

Okay, I can't help wonder. Could that be Lavender? Once beautiful, curse not a blessing, chose to make you as ugly as he, love will carry on burning... all these phrases seem suggestive of her. What if she survived and Greyback survived, and he's making her do all this? Okay, this might just be the ramblings of a crazy woman. I'm going to read on now and find out!

Oooh, last chapter! :D

~Erin

('Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza')

Author's Response: Erin! I'm finally responding to this, so hi!

Hahahaha, yes, it might have been the wrong time because there's only so much riddle and problem solving your brain can take because it will give up after a while :P I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter still though, as it definitely got a lot more creepier here :P

Ooh, I really love your ramblings ;) I'm glad you picked out those phrases though as some people had chosen other ones for their theories but no one had chosen those yet, so whoo for more subtle hints!

Thanks for the great review :D

-Kiana


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Review #15, by BookDinosaur One murderer.

12th April 2014:
HI KIANA. OH MY GOD.

It was who I thought (or one of them :P)! I never really thought - I don't even know what I thought when I considered her as a suspect but oh my god now I can say that I called it!

But wow, can we just take a moment while I say I feel really bad for the murderer? She just...I don't know, it makes so much sense for her to do what she ended up doing, and I think the way you revealed her and her past and what kind of awful things happened to her, how she was cast out from her own people, it was just so sad and I can really see the motive behind her killing spree. :(

I know you said you did a lot of rewrites, and the whole chapter is broken up a lot, but you did a really great job with maintaining the flow of the story, the climax was beautifully done as well, you built the tension of the chapter so well.

I really loved your beginning as well, when you had the bang bang bang and the pound pound pound through the whole section and it was reall misleading because I thought Lily was going to die. I'm glad she didn't, in the end, and I'm sort of glad that there was no heroic rescue of Victoire or that the murderer stayed alive, I think how you ended it was really the best way ou could end this story.

Congratulations on finishing this, Kiana! ♥ It was an amazing story and I really enjoyed reading it. :D

Author's Response: HI. EMILY. OMG YOU MUST HAVE HAD NINJA FINGERS THAT DAY TO LEAVE SO MANY FAB REVIEWS. ♥

But, yes, you can :P Hahah, I feel as if I should have just random character instead and be like plot twist but you didn't see that coming :P

I know, I feel bad for her to, as it does make sort of sense however twisted that sense may be. I'm glad you can see the motive though, because a lot of the time it's all sort of randomly done, but I wanted to show a face and reason to it so it hopefully made a little more sense.

Aw, I'm glad it paid off, as originally the ending was so different with different people dying and other crazy stuff, but I'm so glad I did re-writes as I feel this works the best with the story.

HEhehe, sorry, I thought it would be fun to annoy you all though with tricking you into thinking she didn't die. I know, sometimes no one dies, and it's just like come on, we need some death so I went the other way and nearly killed everyone :P

Thanks for being such an amazing reviewer, Emily, I always love hearing your thoughts as they make me laugh so much! ♥

-Kiana


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Review #16, by BookDinosaur One funeral.

12th April 2014:
o hai.

I'm actually surprised Lily hasn't gotten any hate mail yet - after all, she was alone with Hugo so it would have been easy for her to kill him, and she was the one examining Rose on the mortuary slab, so I wouldn't have been surprised if people had started suspecting her. :P But oh well, it's good that they haven't then.

Waaah Romione. Kiana, why did both victims have to be their children? A parent shouldn't outlive their child, that's so sad and just no Kiana. Their reactions are so realistic and the way that they're kind of dependent on one another now is so sad and so believable - they're all they have left, each other. :( It's a good thing that Ron and Hermione have agreed to cooperate though and they showed the letter to Lily, oh my goodness this mystery is getting intense.

Why is Victoire acting so strange? Has she received a letter as well? oh goodness, judging by the murderer's POV yes she has, she shouldn't have left the crowd, something's going to happen to her. But why Victoire? This ties in with the Death Eater theory I have, they don't want any reminders of the battle, and the girl born on the anniversary of the victory is the perfect victim?

I don't know at all, who could this be? Women affected by the War... I get the feeling that people don't know about her from that letter, people have somehow forgotten her? She was part of the battle? love will carry on burning no matter what. That's a super interesting quote. So this person...had romantic relations? That was cut off by the war. So whose partner died...? Maybe it's Teddy! His parents' deaths would be motivation, although I think Harry raised him as his own so I'm a bit doubtful of that theory. It could be Pansy, maybe Draco broke up with her after the war? That doesn't explain the forgetting about them bit though. Maybe Lavender Brown? She was with Ron once, and then I remember Fenrir Greyback mauled her...maybe people thought she died but she was still alive? That'a little far-fetched though, isn't it? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know and it's killing me Kiana. :O Gah.

I need to go on to the next chapter.

Author's Response: o hai, I'm back from the murky depths of flu, so sorry for this late response!

hahaha, I they've realised Lily's just tooo dedicated to the case to go about killing people otherwise she probably would have been one of the prime suspects given everything!

I know, I know, I'm sorry, but it just had to be as it was all part of the murderer's plan so it had to be theirs. I'm so glad that you liked them together though, as I just felt so cruel writing that scene as they've already been through so much and then that, and yeah, it was horrible!

Yes, she definitely shouldn't have left the funeral parlour as that was probably a very bad idea on her behalf as I'm sure you will agree with me now that you've read the final chapter :P She is the perfect victim, but for who is the question!

Women affected by the war is also a very good case and now I read it a couple of times I feel as if it's some sort of slogan or something :P HAhaha, I love all of your theories especially the supposedly far-fetched one :P No, but seriously, it's so much fun to read them and see how your mind works as it will definitely help if I ever write another mystery!

Thanks for another fab review, Emily!

-Kiana


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Review #17, by BookDinosaur One ally.

12th April 2014:
Hey again!

Ahhh what just happened here? Hugo? Hugo did what? KIANA WHAT. I DO NOT EVEN KNOW. I called this but still no. D':

Hugo died? Wait, but Rose knew something. Why didn't she tell the others? Presumably the murderer threatened to harm someone else? But how did Rose know they'd keep that promise? Why was she acting so odd? I think the letter came much earlier for Rose, two weeks, right? So will Lily have two weeks as well?

Okay, now I'm just thinking out loud. Who could the murderer be? If Lily is right and they're female, then I would say Pansy, but then the killer says that Muggle techniques are interesting and more effective and varied, and I can't imagine a pureblood saying that, although perhaps she could have changed. Also, there was something about the power of the full moon helping her, right? So someone to do with werewolves is my guess. Maybe it's Fenrir Greyback? Who would teach the murderer, though? Although that would mean his lifespan is very long. ;) Kiana, you have me stumped.

You did a fantastic job with all the tension here, with the death of Hugo and then that switch of POV again to the murderer was so well done and oh goodness Kiana what am I going to do with my life? I'm almost glad that this is finished so I can read on straight away. :P

One thing I noticed was a little bit of awkwardness in the middle, where you said The hummingbird is slowly stopping to bead when I think you meant stopping to beat. If I missed something obvious, please tell me. :P

Gah, it's so sad that Ron and Hermione lost both their children. :( Stop making me sad, Kiana.

Anyways Kiana, this is an amazing story and I think
you're doing an amazing job with it. Onto the next chapter! *Superman pose*

Author's Response: Hi Emily!

Hahaha, yes, Hugo died but you know, who doesn't love killing off all the next gen characters? It's so much more fun this way :P Yes, Rose, knew a little something beforehand but what it is may or may not be revealed.

OOh, your theories are all really cool! I never actually had anyone suspect Pansy, but now I think about it, I can really see it happening. Erm, as you've finished reading this I guess I can give a little more away and say it's definitely someone to do with werewolves as they're not written about that often, so I wanted to explore them more here.

Hahaha, I'm so glad that you liked the POV switch as I know some people are like ew no way. Hehehe, yeah, they don't have any now, but I'm sorry I made you sad! Thanks for pointing out that line too, I'm starting my whole edit of the story today, so I can fix it then!

Thanks for such an amazing review, Emily, it really made my day :D

-Kiana


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Review #18, by BookDinosaur One golden trio.

12th April 2014:
KIANA. HI. Oh goodness, I'm behind, aren't I? Yes, I am. I need to catch up, Kiana, and the only way to do it is now. Plus I need to review Acanthus. So.

How do you churn out this pure goodness, Kiana? HOW. TELL ME. I've been wanting to write a mystery for my Camp NaNo but I have no clue what I could write and I'm bad at mystery but you're amazing at it so that makes me feel a bit better. You're so good at ratcheting up all the tension until I literally feel like I'm going to explode, and then you reveal just enough details to make me ask more questions and just gah.

I really like the whole attitude you're given to these pathologists, they really have the same kind of black humour that my uncle/extended family have, and it's really realistic that their attitudes would be like that because come on, they deal with dead people every day. Also, I think Peter seems like a really nice guy, he and Lily seem close and I'm already hoping he's not the killer. Lily's boss seems kind of nasty, but I don't think he's the one, there are always people who dislike fame and I don't remember him if he was ever in the books.

Ooh, and we're back to the murderer's point of view, I swear this is so nerve-wracking. The POV is super creepy and you utilize the second person point of view so well. What's with all the letters, and how on earth can this murderer get in to St Mungos to watch Lily open her letter?

I feel so sorry for the family now. Ron and Hermione, and if it's the Golden Trio then I'm predicting Hugo will die next, so that we can have that one child of each member of the Trio thing happen but I really don't want that to happen because then Ron and Hermione will have lost both their kids. D':

One thing I might say is that even though Lily wasn't close to Rose, losing her cousin is a pretty big deal and I know doesn't act like the rest of her family, it would be nice if you could show her to be grieving in some way? I don't know, at the moment she seems really immune to it all and hello, there's a serial killer on he loose here, even a pathologist should be frightened. I don't know though, that's just me so ignore this if you want. :P

All in all Kiana, this was an amazing chapter of an equally amazing story, and it's on to the next chapter for me. :D

Author's Response: EMILY. YOU ARE AMAZING. I'M BEHIND ON RESPONSES SO I WILL HIDE FOR A WHILE. ALSO, I LOVE YOU!

Ah, I never knew you were doing NaNo (is bad friend), good luck! Haha, I looked to Rachel's Bad Blood for a lot of inspiration plus I'm obsessed (aka, it's taken over my life) with Sherlock so I think it's made me paranoid with everything now as I think everything's a mystery so I guess it's that drifting into my life!

I'm glad you liked it because I imagine that the only way not to get too emotionally attached to the job was to joke about it hence the dark humour, and totally doesn't have anything to do with my own. Her boss wasn't in the books, but based upon a teacher at my school, who as you can guess, I hate!

I'm so glad that you liked it, as I enjoyed writing it a little too much and made me wonder whether I was a secret murderer or something :P

Hehehe, this is only the start of the fun for the family and they have lot more surprises to come (as you now know!). Hehe, more will be revealed!

OOh, that's a really good point as I was a little worried I under did the grief a little too much, so when I go back and edit this in a few weeks, I'll definitely include more things like that.

Thanks for such an amazing review, Emily, and for all others too, you're the best!

-Kiana


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Review #19, by True Author One murderer.

11th April 2014:
Yay, I guessed it right! :D

Aah, I'm glad you didn't kill Lily. I hate it when the protagonist dies in the end, especially in a mystery story. I feel like the protagonist is defeated or something like that. :P Anyways, it's great that you didn't end this that way. :)

You have given a pretty believable reasoning to the murders. I even felt sorry for Lavender! It's too bad her face was scarred and she lost her looks and everyone thinks she's dead when she's not, it's pretty bad... :( She has had enough to turn into a murderer. And I also liked that she died. That was very appropriate and the best thing you could do to her.

Victoire! :( But anyways, I would have felt sorrier if she had lost her looks. :(

Wow, but this was a great short story! Though the murderer wasn't unexpected to me, it was believable. Just have a look at this chapter again, it has a couple of typos. Otherwise, lovely characterisation of Lily and great suspense! Also, this was the first story I have ever read with so many next-gen characters dying. ;)

Ashwini

Author's Response: Ashwini!!

I know what you mean, and I did toy with it for a while but it would seem too un-Lily like to kill her off as she's always one step ahead of the gam so she lived. I know, I even began to feel sorry for her too, and I was like I can sort of see why you didn't it so I guess it's a tinsy bit less bad than before :P Whoo for her dying though, again, like Lily, they always want to be in control so her dying enabled that to happen.

Thanks for pointing that out! I plan on editing on all the chapters of this in the coming weeks and I'll get to it then. Haha, there was a massacre of them but it was fun to change it around :P

Thanks for this amazing review and all of the other ones it was so much fun to follow your thoughts throughout the story!

-Kiana


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Review #20, by Lululuna One murderer.

10th April 2014:
Hello! :)

Oh yay, I was right! :D In a way the murderer made perfect sense and I can definitely see all the logic behind it. It was very clever of you to choose a canon character who already has a history of being a little dramatic and then the horrible ordeal she had to go through in order to show her need for revenge. I especially liked her story and the descriptions of her face - those were really powerful, and the extremity of her injuries showed why she considered herself a monster and how she was able to hide from people who might have recognized her. I also giggled at the little mention of "the uncle" haha. :P

Poor Victoire! That was quite sad, but what I liked even more was the explanation of why the murderer targeted her. How she wanted her to go from being beautiful to scarred, and to join her in her isolation and loneliness. And the descriptions of Victoire being like a phoenix rising from the ashes were really cool as well.

I liked the journey Lily went through here, and how she went from being terrified at the beginning of the chapter and then how she sympathized with the murderer (I'm trying not to name her in case of spoilers haha). Even the use of the "stab, stab, stab" at the beginning and then "pound, pound, pound" from the murderer's point of view was a cool way in linking them, and I liked how while Lily can't empathize with most people, she's able to see into the murderer's pain.

Another line I really liked was where Lily wanted to go check out the almost-dead body, even in the height of things and her cousin being dead. :P That seemed so typical of her, and I liked the ending as well, since her sense of humour, if it exists at all, is very dry. :P Also, nice tie-in to the title at the beginning when Lily wondered if she would be the next one to be mottled blue.

Congratulations on completing! This was such a great story, I really loved following it! :D ♥

Author's Response: Hi Jenna! Sorry for taking a while to get to this, I was away for the weekend!

Yes, you were and it was so hard not to give it away when you mentioned it earlier :P I think that's what drew me into writing about her, as we don't often find out about what happened to her after as she could be dead or alive, so I guess the whole idea of her floating beside death in this story was a miy of the two :P I know, I couldn't resist including that even though it was meant to be serious, I was just like oh well, it can be included!

I know! I didn't actually intend to kill her, it just sort of happened with her so I do feel a little bad about doing it to her. But then it sort of showed how the murderer couldn't control everything, that she wasn't this puppet master as Victoire died.

Yes, Lily intrigued me here too, because I think with her it's not about what they did and who they killed so much but why they did it and what caused them to lead to it, which is why she can empathize unlike others who would just be horrified by it all. She really is a very odd character :P

Haha, I couldn't resist tying in all the little things in this chapter as it was the last one I just thought why not as it won't do any harm at all. Again, all I can say is that Lily's a strange person and I'm still not entirely sure if I want to be friends with her or not!

Thank you so much, and for following this story it meant so much to me to read your views on each chapter!

-Kiana


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Review #21, by Rumpelstiltskin One body.

5th April 2014:
I'm doing my first-chapter review sweep (and I'll be reviewing all of the posted chapters, ideally before the deadline).

Plot/plot arch: I like this a bunch, so far! In the first section, the second-person perspective really pulled the reader into the role of the killer, being able to sympathize with the emotions and thoughts. There's a sense of mystery in that beginning; what happened to the murderer to make them feel the way they do, what was their motivation for murder (though, there are hints surrounding this quote "You made her as marred as you, suffer as much as you" which I loved, by the way), what is the murderer going to do now? I'm really excited to see where this is going. In the second section, I really liked Lily, she makes for a really great character in this (but there's more on that in the 'Characterization' section). The idea of viewing the bodies as puzzles is really interesting, I like that idea. When the victim is revealed at the end, I get the feeling that Lily's analytical approach to her job will be thrown for a loop. That's a fantastic place to end a chapter, because it definitely leaves me curious and wanting to read more. This is a very appropriate story for the challenge!

Characterization: The Murderer -- having only just committed the murder, this character could be reacting to the stress of the situation, and I suspect that a lot of the characterization was dependent on the situation. Though, even in the situation, I also suspect that there are some key qualities about the character's true self that have been revealed. For one, something was able to push them far enough to actually kill somebody. Second, returning to the "just as marred as you quote", the character may have been seeking revenge or perhaps justification for what the character had to suffer themself. It's a really interesting dynamic. Lily -- I really like her take on her job ("Another day and another body to analyse"). I suspect that, given her occupation, that this is a very appropriate way to deal with death. She's surrounded by it every day -- it's her job, and she treats it as such. I liked that analytical quality that she has.

Detail: I love the amount of gruesome physical detail, and it really ties me into where things are happening and when they are occurring. I also think you did a great job with emotional detail, connecting the reader to the characters.

Style: Second-person perspective is always awesome, and I can really connect with the murderer (although I've never killed anybody). I'm also a fan of the date/time, as it gives the reader a sense of time passage without any further transitional text. I don't believe that I've read anything of yours yet, so I can't comment on the style of this story versus the style of your other stories ;).

Notes/other: I'm really excited to see what happens next -- great job!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Rumpel! Can I just say this review is fab? :D

I'm so glad that you liked this plot as it was so different to anything else that I've written before and so much fun to write, it's honestly been one of my favourite stories so thank you for doing the challenge! Whoo for the hints! I'm really glad that you liked that aspect of Lily and the bodies as it's almost a fascination of death which she has, and as the story goes on, we can see that in the murderer too, so it's weird how similar they are in a way.

Wow, you already have such a good idea of the murderer already! The marred quote is a very important one so good job for pointing that out as that theme continues throughout, as is the revenge one because more of what revenge it is, is revealed in the next chapter. Haha, yeah, Lily has a very dry humour shall we say, almost inhumane but it fits well with her job and so much fun to do :P

I'm glad you liked the style/detail choices, as it is rather different from what I tend to do with the mixing and matching of points of view and dates.

Erm, this response felt very garbled and confusing so apologies for that and thanks again for an amazing review!

-Kiana


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Review #22, by Unwritten Curse One body.

5th April 2014:
Kiana! I'm finally here! I kneel humbly before you in apologetic supplication. ;)

Ah, the second person narration is chilling. That was so very well done, because not only does it bring us into the twisted mind of the murderer, it also means that you didn't have to mention a name, and thus his/her identity is anonymous. I've always admired people who can pull second person off so well. Whenever I try it, it seems gimmicky and unnatural, but yours is so... obvious. Like, it couldn't have been written in any other point of view. Gorgeous.

I also really liked the discussion of the body, and how to refer to it. The murderer him/herself seemed to have a moment of guilt, perhaps regret, in seeing the body as a person, as a female, before deciding it didn't matter. That was beautifully done. And then with Lily, the body is a piece of a puzzle... until the end, when she sees her cousin and OH MY GOODNESS that was so chilling.

Seriously, this chapter is barely 1,000 words and there is SO MUCH happening that is brilliant and chilling and compelling and I'm running off to the second chapter to leave you another (very late) review.

xx Gina

Author's Response: Hi Gina, and your review is fab so don't worry at all about it!

I'm so glad that you liked it as it was a lot of fun to play it. Haha, it's not too hard once you write it a couple of times and it definitely helps in things like murder mysteries as it reveals a lot less than other points of view do.

I'm glad you liked the thoughts about the body, as the murderer's conscience becomes less and less apparent as the story progresses and writing this lack of empathy was really different to most characters. Haha, she'll get used to seeing bodies of her cousins' by the end of it :P

Aw, thank you so much for this amazing review it means so much to me that you liked it and don't worry at all about it being late!

-Kiana


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Review #23, by True Author One funeral.

20th March 2014:
Ok. I am flooded with theories. And I am going to tell you all of them. :)

So I am thinking about all the women related to the war who might have suffered because of the Golden Trio or something like that. I don't know why but I can't stop thinking about Narcissa Malfoy. I can't justify! Also I think about Gabrielle Delacour for some reason. :P Another one is Lavender Brown.

But still I am curious! Please update soon! How many chapters are remaining?

Anyways, this chapter was extremely well written. I am really loving this story! :D

Ashwini

Author's Response: Whoo for theories, I love them so much!

Ooh, you're definitely along the right lines about women related to the war, because I thought it would be fun to see how they were effected by the war because generally when it comes to war they're forgotten a lot of the time.

I don't have much time this weekend, so there won't be one then, but there should be one up some time next week and it will most probably be the last one!

Thank you for such a fantastic review, Ashwini!

-Kiana


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Review #24, by Lululuna One funeral.

18th March 2014:
I HAVE A HYPOTHESIS!

Hehe, I actually guessed this and had a moment of excitement about halfway through the chapter but the letter made me quite certain. However instead of stating outright who I think the murderer is and maybe this being a spoiler for anyone who reads the reviews I will leave you clues to guess who my guess is. :P (yes I am cool).

1. The murderer has something in common with someone who is quite close to Victoire.

2. You have written about the murderer before, and they were quite mad but in a different way.

3. The murderer survived, but not everybody knows she survived in the fandom world.

4. Steak.

Hehe. I'm so excited, I can't believe I didn't realize before (though admittedly I could be wrong about this and just looking silly). You did a brilliant job planting the clues, however, especially here. It makes sense especially that Hermione and Ron would be targeted first...

For a while at the beginning I was wondering if the murderer had something to do with the number one, since there are all the matching chapter titles, and was wondering if it could be Harry or Neville or someone else associated with "One." So that had me a little confused as well. :P (in a good way). I also was suspecting Victoire of knowing something/perhaps protecting somebody, but I suppose she was a bit of a red herring. Right now for some reason I'm predicting that Victoire is either dead or maimed, but that the murderer might impersonate her using Polyjuice? It's so tricky since this is the magical world so the criminals can really be extra sneaky.

I loved how Lily was blunt and her parents were warning her about it, and how she really doesn't care about her cousins as much as she cares about the case. She's quite funny. It was sweet to see Ron and Hermione being all cute and supportive of one another as well even if their situation of losing their children is very sad. I was quite curious about how Lily went about announcing that Hugo was dead - how awkward that he died on the day of Rose's funeral! Well... it's sad too, but just an awkward and unfortunate situation all around. :P

Wonderful chapter! :D

Author's Response: Sorry for this late response life/school/laziness is all I have as an excuse and hopefully that and my response will make up for it :P Hahah, I love how thought out your hypothesis is, it's much better than mine ever are :P Hmm, well all I can say is I know who you think it is, but whether it's the correct guess will be determined in the next chapter or the one after, as I still haven't decided how many chapters I want in total :P

Gah, I hate mysteries because I can't confirm whether you look silly or you have a reason to be excited because it's not the final chapter but either way, it's really cool to see your thought process behind everything!

Ooh, now I feel mean about including number one in everything :P At first, it was going to go up like one this, two that etc. but then it didn't really make sense as there was one golden trio, not two, so I just stuck with one, so no there's nothing in the chapter titles! Victoire is definitely a red herring, it's just how quickly the others realise that is the questions as their lives could depend on it.

Yes, Lily is an odd one, but I suppose that's why it's so much fun to write her because writing about people who always care about the right things can get boring after a while :P I know, but murderer's aren't the most considerate of people, and it would get against their pattern so we'll just have to let them have this one!

Thank you for such an amazing review, it's always so interesting to read your thoughts on the chapter :D

-Kiana


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Review #25, by Ree One funeral.

18th March 2014:
I think the murderer is Lavender Brown, intriguing story!

Author's Response: Hmm, interesting theory but you'll have to wait and see! I'm glad you're liking it though!

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