33 Reviews Found

Review #1, by cherry_pop94 In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

2nd December 2015:
Hello! I'm here for day three of the advent calendar.

This story is HILARIOUS. I absolutely adore the narrator. It's just such a funny structure. I could picture the beginning playing out, it reminded me of Ella Enchanted, with the narrator. Or like some Monty Python movie. It's just SO funny.

Ivan and Nicholi are such great siblings. And it's such an interesting dilemma they're in! I loved their conversation about Bessie, again just so funny! I've never read anything this funny from Founders era, plus with quite a bit of historical accuracy, despite that it's a parody of sorts.

I'm so glad to have found this story. I'll definitely be reading more of this when I've got the time!

In the mean time, Happy Christmas!!


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Review #2, by marauderfan In Which Ivan Tells Dirty Jokes Like a Man

17th October 2015:
Imagine the lengthy smile upon my face when perchance I discovered a new chapter of this glorious romp through the founders era. (sidenote, when I typed that at first I accidentally typed "founders ear"). I am most overjoyed to see that you have resumed the scribing of this tale.

Your Elizabethan translations in the beginning are always funny but I think that today they were extra good and I have some great new vocabulary words. Nether purse hehehe.

The goofy scene with the Xtra's (haha) writhing around arguing whether or not they're dead (I can't remember which one was dead... they're like the same person, as Max so wisely pointed out before) it reminded me of the scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail when that one guy says the witch turned him into a newt. (And I mean only the best things by that comparison!)

I absolutely love the way Max's narration is so faulty and he forgets to mention things and Ivan has to remind him, or else Max mentions things which the characters aren't aware of. Max is definitely one of the most unique narrators I've ever seen and the reason this story is so entertaining! Don’t worry children, there’s no need to tell Nicholi about the little issue of the ocean separating him from the mountain. He will fall into one of those plot holes laying about and find himself at the foot of Beinn Nibheis in no time at all! -- ahahahaha, see this is why I love it! I love your very candid parody style.

Why does she have a wooden sword? Is she trying to defeat Jello? Is Lord Grundyblossom made of Jello? Or maybe wooden swords are merely lighter and then she doesn't look as foolish as Nicholi dropping his sword. My, things are getting interesting. I can't wait to find out. I should bribe Max with some broccoli alfredo so that the next chapter gets posted imminently, eh?

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Review #3, by Herm_ee_own In Which Ivan Tells Dirty Jokes Like a Man

11th October 2015:
Dear, dear, dear.

I did quite try to not like Roderick, as I'm assuming we're supposed to do at this point, but he's just too real for me to not appreciate. I do like realistic characters, as do most people.

And more Nicholi? Good, he's one of the few legitimately good people here, be he a bit boyish.

The lord Grundyblossom... now he is a character who's quite easy to dislike. A misogynistic idiot. Few people are more unlikable than misogynistic idiots.

Author's Response: Haha! Whether or not the audience likes Roderick is up to their own discretion. I just try to emphasize his idiocy. I am glad that you're enjoying him, though :).

Nicholi! He tries...

Yes, Grundyblossom is nothing if not a misogynistic idiot (with a lazy eye, in fact). :D

Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews ♥ they've made my day!

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Review #4, by Herm_ee_own In Which Ivan Adventures Like a Man

11th October 2015:
A few of my favorite lines from this chapter:

“Well, we don't exactly know. It is evil, however.”

– Of course you were; you're the heroine of the story, and thus must be clever and –

The blacksmith uses a rubber hammer, the pub serves only non-alcoholic drinks, the babes are hushed by the gentle tunes of the bard – who plays no instrument, yet sings the sweetest of lullabies –”

This is an odd story, indeed, but I'm intrigued.

Author's Response: I'm very glad that you're enjoying my odd little story. I'm an odd person, so this is what happens. ;)

Thanks so much!


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Review #5, by Herm_ee_own In Which Ivan Fights Like a Man

11th October 2015:
Could this be the golden man, the Marty Stu?


This chapter is gold. I honestly didn't think the humor could pick up any more than it did last chapter, but it somehow did.


As gold as Sir Roderick's armor.

Author's Response: Sir Roderick's armor is quite gold, so thank you very much! :D I'm still reeling from all of the surprise reviews this morning!


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Review #6, by Herm_ee_own In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

11th October 2015:
Oh, dear, how odd this story is.

But in all seriousness, it is one of the strangest stories I've ever read. Strangely written, strange topic (at least for the 10th century, please don't get mad at me, I'm part of the LGBT community, not a homophobe), and strange, strange characters.

This might be why I'm drawn into it.

I have to keep reading this, and I'm very sorry I couldn't leave a more detailed review, but I'm running short on time and I want to finish this.

Thanks for writing, I do love it!

Author's Response: :D Strange? Me? Why, yes I am.

Oh, the story! Yeah, that too.

Thanks for leaving a review :).


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Review #7, by pointless_proclamations In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

13th January 2015:

This story is AMAZING! I love everything about it. You had me at the author's note, really. I love your sense of humour: slapstick, dry, everything! I'm admiring how it was all so natural and how all the jokes just flowed so well--it was masterfully-written hilarity. Although it's extremely hazardous. . . I very nearly toppled over from my seat after a violent fit of laughter.

Max is absolutely hilarious. His style of narration--your style of writing--is just wonderful. You manage to be both elegant and abundantly humourous. The introduction was the best I've seen on here. Max interacting with readers is a really sure way of maintaining interest and I like that you made me feel super involved rather than feeling like just an observer.

Ivan seems like a character I would follow to the ends of the Earth. She's so interesting!! I love your characterisation of her. She is everything she is not allowed to be by society. She's quite the trouble maker and I adore her and I'm completely empathising with her right now because, as I've said, you make me feel so involved already. :D

This is totally being added to the reading list, because I MUST continue this story. It's incredibly unique, remarkably well-written, deathly humourous, and just fascinating.


Author's Response: Em!

I'm sorry it's taken me nearly a year to respond. I'm a bad Rumpel.

Hooray! I'm glad you liked it! This story is always fun to write. Aww! So many compliments, I'm blushing! :D I don't even know how to respond. ;p

Max! I've noticed he seems to take a lot of the credit for this story, which is funny because that means that his presence is obviously notable. Yay, Max!

Ivan, I have a thing for writing strong female leads. It's becoming a problem. Female leads are just so much fun.

Thanks for the wonderful review!!! I'm glad you liked it! :)

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Review #8, by UnluckyStar57 In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

2nd September 2014:
Hi Rumpel! I'm here for the swap. :)

I've definitely read this chapter before, but I haven't reviewed it... Most curious...

Well, I'm glad I'm reviewing it now, because I think I can fully appreciate the humor and the gender politics that are happening. There's so much satire and sarcasm! I'm loving it, seriously.

It seems to me that you've got some overtones of Terry Pratchett--is that right? Max-the-Amazing-Narrator reminds me a lot of Pratchett's narrative style, which I love! It's just too funny that only certain characters can hear him. That's going to lead to some interesting situations later on, I'm sure!

Ugh, the start of the story is DEFINITELY the way I try to start chapters. Except I erase my failed attempts. All those cliched beginnings were super silly, but I think that they added a lot to the story. After all, this is a story about a time period that we know from fairy tales, but this story is a fairy tale that makes fun of fairy tales.

Ivan is totally cool. I love that she defies all of the usual stereotypes, and in contrast to Nicholi, she likes all of the super-fun, adventurous stuff. It sucks royal hippogriff that she has to maybe get married to that weird Lord Grundyblossom fellow, because he sounds hideous. :P

In addition, I like that Nicholi doesn't long to chase after lassies and laddies, as it were. He seems to be totally content with his knowledge of things, and that's totally cool! He would be a brilliant Ravenclaw. :) The poor thing, having to pretend to be a man's man when all he wants to do is look up at the sky and dream about calculus. :/

This is just so funny and well-written. The themes about gender stereotypes and cliched medieval tropes are set up in a light-hearted way that I don't think they could offend anyone. Instead, it's a brilliant example of how characters can defy those awful boundaries and be whoever they want to be. :D

I really enjoyed this chapter!


Author's Response: A year late is better than never!


I'm really glad you like this. I enjoy writing this one, it makes me laugh. Max! I don't even know where Max came from, I was writing and he was just there (and ignore me if that sounds insane).

Oh the introduction -- I was stuck trying to figure out how to open this, so I wrote them all. *Cough* I mean, Max said them all. I never know who to credit with this. Max generally steals the glory.

It's awesome that you enjoyed the characters. Your review made me laugh, a lot. I mean a lot. Seriously, "The poor thing, having to pretend to be a man's man when all he wants to do is look up at the sky and dream about calculus. :/ ?" That killed me.



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Review #9, by Josette_Phoenix In Which Ivan Adventures Like a Man

19th June 2014:
Well this just keeps getting colourfuller and colourfuller! I am LOVING Max!! This whole parody thing reminds me of something out of Monty Python or something, with the stuck in slow-motion bit and the Crotchety One with the spoon-lumberjacks. This story is definitely worthy of Princess Bride ;)

Your verdant description of Beinn Nibheis was absolutely beautiful, so rich with imagery that I felt like I was in a Beatrix Potter movie or something - and I loved the list of flowers and plants, it added that extra depth.

I'm also loving the place names, in original Celtic-British or whatever it is, and Latin. And still with the hilarious jargon ... it just makes the speech that much more hilarious.

You've created the perfect mix here: history + parody + non-conformism + Potterverse = AWESOME :D


Author's Response: I'd been trying to stay clear of Monty Python humor (but failing miserably)... that's okay though!

I had to do a bit of research as to what flora and fauna were abundant on which parts of the mountain... I think the research took longer than writing the actual chapter, so I'm really glad that you liked it!

Thanks so much!


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Review #10, by Josette_Phoenix In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

19th June 2014:
Hi there! Time for some overdue reviews ;)

I absolutely LOVE this. Max is fantastic, I love how he's used to pull the reader in and out of the story - it reminds me of Brechtian escapades in drama.

You really seem to now what you're talking about, with the Medieval jargon and the historical references - it makes the story all the more richer and interesting!!

I just love the entire premise of this story, the POVs, the historical context, the interesting characters (Ivanna/Ivan is FANTASTIC), and I can't wait to keep reading!!


PS: there is a typo near he end when Nicholi is upset at Ivanna/Ivan for wooing Bessie - "It was vital that Nicholi be able to preform appropriately ..." Is it meant to be perform??

PPS: Grundyblossom?? I LOVE IT.

Author's Response: Hey there!

Heheh, I'm glad you like this -- Max seems to take all of the glory, though ^.^.

I did take some courses on Shakespearean/Elizabethan, but it's mostly just spouting nonsense for fun.

Oops, I'll fix that typo, thanks!

Grundyblossom ^.^.

Thanks so much!


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Review #11, by toomanycurls In Which Ivan Adventures Like a Man

24th May 2014:
Hello again!!!

Woah! They're fighting a troll - you just jumped into the action. Roderick is quite brave and action-y. He's kind of cute too, right? :D I mean, I'm married but I was asking for a friend. *cough*

I should just iterate, between my giggles, that I love Max's narration. Can you lend me Max for a while? To narrate that is! Nothing dodgy. ;)

You used the quote - it was great and flowed really well into Max's voice. :D

Are they climbing the cliffs of insanity?!!

Hey, I didn't know i was in this story!!! (The Crochety One)

Yes! A side mission. I can't wait. Please tell me when there's more of this up. :D


Author's Response: Hello!

Roderick is handsome and brave, but tell your friend that he is kind of an idiot ;).

Sure thing, Max won't mind.

Baha, yes, Rose, I made you the Crochety One ;).

Side mission (you know, for bonus experience and level ups). Will do!


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Review #12, by toomanycurls In Which Ivan Fights Like a Man

24th May 2014:
I'm back!! I believe you've been expecting me.

So far, my favorite line is “O'course he do! Tehms nobility-types ne'er knows wha's ter meanins o'notin'!” - mainly because it made me giggle and then my husband gave me a look.

I love that the peasants are hustling Ivan for information. It's very enterprising of them.

People who smell like the privy make me never want to leave the house again. :-x

Roderick is funny - he can't hear Max, right? I remember reading that. I could scroll up and look but... nope, not gonna do it. :P

I loved Ivan's retort about, um, things I can't say in a 12+ review. Just know that I laughed. Then I had to explain myself. Good thing Max is there to censor your foul language


sorry, I'm a screamer when it comes to sports.

THEY'RE CHASING HELENA?!?! SO EXCITING! This just got extra exciting!!!

I'm so excited for Ivan to go on her adventure!!!

Awesome chapter!

Author's Response: Rose!

I really have no idea what I'm doing with this story...it's just silly rambling ^.^. Though, it is a bunch of fun for me.

...those peasants are more clever than they look (and sound) :). Oh, I'm sure that they were used to the smell of privy.

No, Roderick can't hear Max (you don't have to scroll anywhere). At the moment, Ivan can only hear Max but there will be others eventually.

Heheh, I had to do something...that conversation was headed into some dangerous territory...

Yay, Helena! ...and Adventure!



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Review #13, by marauderfan In Which Ivan Adventures Like a Man

28th April 2014:
Gaaa, it's taken me ages to get to this, sorry! But now that I have a computer again, it won't take me 3 weeks to see your chapter updates anymore, yay!

I am so glad to be reading this right now btw, because I just read a really sad book and cried so much and I'm ready to laugh at mildly perilous misadventures right now.

Slow motion action sequences really help heroes and heroines act heroically and sheath their swords accurately betwixt the scales of a dragon. This story would make a great movie. Except due to the slow mo, it would be really long. Like it probably took Ivan about 30 seconds to actually leap at the dragon.

Wait no, it's a troll not a dragon. Do trolls really have scales? Roderick said something about scales, I think that's why I was under the impression that it was a dragon. Ok, cool, trolls have scales. I'm trying to imagine what a scaly troll would look like and my mental image is something like a dinosaur without a tail, and a much bigger head.

Wow sorry, I literally have no ability to use words after reading that book and so this review is complete rubbish sorry.

Princess Bride quote! Haha, I entered in this challenge too, it was a brilliant challenge - and fantastically quotable movie. Anyway, the quote is flawlessly integrated. Max's narration just works so perfectly with it!

Omg, I seriously love you forever. First of all, you used the word PLETHORA in you story which is one of my favorite words ever. And, my botanist heart is so glad to see all these mentions of liverwort and sundew and saxifrage, which might be an unremarkable passage of the story to an average/normal person but I'm just like anjdsfojs yay plants.

This sounds like a very beautiful place where they are. Golden eagles? I saw a video once where there were golden eagles picking up mountain goats by the horns and carrying them off cliffs, which is pretty impressive for the eagle.

They're cutting down saplings with spoons? I suppose that is only mildly more successful than attempting to chop down the tallest tree in the forest with a herring.

The Crotchety one... lolol. I can only assume they mean either the troll or Ebenezer Scrooge.

I'm sorry that I'm crazy and my review is crazy. But this story is brilliant, Rumpel. Love it. MOAR PLZ

Author's Response: Hey there!

Pfft! I haven't been over to your story in AGES! Don't worry about it :D.

Slo-mo is the way to go with action, sometimes! Oh, it could use at least 30 seconds to leap, definitely.

I have no idea if trolls have scales...I only write this when I'm extremely overtired so I generally have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about.

When do my reviews ever make sense? ;)

Oh, I know! I love that movie! The quote was actually meant to be in later, but I needed to have it for the challenge, so I figured that I should include it.

Did I use plethora :D? I did it just for you! I actually had to do research to see what plants grew naturally on that mountain, and how far up the mountain they grew. ...then there was the fauna. There's a ton of plants that end in "wart" on that mountain ;).

O.O I didn't know that the golden eagle was such an intense bird!

Lol, only mildly. The Crotchety One just doesn't like noise.

Thanks so much!! ♥


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Review #14, by Pixileanin In Which Ivan Adventures Like a Man

8th April 2014:
Review Swap!

"Like a leaping leper..." I am seriously chortling right now. I have heard this phrase, and I, too am puzzled by it. And though the encounter was wildly adventurous and wonderful, I agree with Roderick. (never thought I would, lol!) Loosing a sword at the outset of a quest is not a good sign. The words between them afterward are hilarious! I purposefully did not read the Glossary, just so I could encounter the words in context, and when I got there, I had great fun. It was pretty easy to guess the meaning. Very colorful!

I love that Max has conveniently skipped the boring parts of the journey and hurled us into the action. Love.

Here, I'm trying to picture Roderick in his shiny gold armor, scaling the mountain path amidst all the rustic beauty. That alone is funny.

"Sounds like a side quest..." Hee hee! I need to have someone point that out when I'm writing stories and I get too distracted with side plots. Too funny!

When I read the bit about the men (supposedly) cutting down saplings in the forest with spoons, I felt like I was reading a fairytale. In fact, my brain was on overdrive, trying to recall if there indeed is a fairytale about men cutting down saplings with spoons, because it sounds so much like a fairytale thing to do. Kuddos to you if that's an original idea!

So now, Roderick and Ivan are faced with a castle where a (supposedly) evil man, who is old, lives - and does not want to be disturbed by noise. I loved how Max just came out and supposed everything for us, because I can't really see how any character would come up with that on their own so early in the story. It's definitely much better than having the men with spoons (that sounds like a movie title now...) explain everything.

This whole story has a distinct "Princess Bride" feel to it, what with the narrator being involved in the story. The quote fit perfectly! In fact, it fit so perfectly that I didn't blink at it (except for when I saw the astericks), and I have seen that movie many, many times. Excellent use of quote. Seamless. I bet Max was very proud of you!

Now I am curious about The Crotchety One, and what sort of evil he has in store for both of our heroes... thought I must reserve Roderick's heroic status until he shows me some proof. *is very nitpicky about hero status*

So much fun!!!

Author's Response: Hey there!

I have absolutely no idea where I heard that phrase from, but it doesn't make sense, does it? :D Perfect. No, losing her sword was not in her best interest -- never fear, I have *plans* ;). Yay for free-styling! I don't think that there was too much in the Glossary that wasn't fairly straightforward. Some of the explatives could have been taken as regular interjections, but I sense that you got the main idea :D.

Boring parts of the story are boring, and have no place in a parody.

I want to know how Roderick maneuvers up the mountain in golden armor, enchanted or not. Ah, well, he manages.

Hah, the side-quest. I'm not sure when this turned slightly into a video game... this story writes itself, I swear that I have little to do with it -_-. I only work on this when I'm overtired, because at least then *I* will think that I am funny ;). What my brain turns into a story in that state...well... you know.

I have read a TON of fairy tales over the years, but I don't reccommend any men cutting down saplings with spoons :D.

The Cotchety One, otherwise known as side-quest number one! Max thought it would be a good idea to explain everything, because the men were preoccupied trying to cut down things with spoons.

I love that movie, and this was inspired by the "Princess Bride" quote challenge, so I'm glad it has that feel to it. Hooray! I'm also very glad that you think that I did a good job at including the quote into the story.

Just remember that Roderick is an idiot :D.



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Review #15, by kenpo In Which Ivan Adventures Like a Man

8th April 2014:
Hey! Swappity Swap!!

Okay, when I started, I had to go back and see if there was a cliffhanger I didn't remember. Once I got myself all sorted out, I thought that your beginning was really amusing and I loved it.

Leaping lepers... hah...

Thank you for the reassurance that my heroes are okay. I was a little worried. I'm still concerned about the dust, though...

I love where you put the Princess Bride quote. It's fantastic. Oh my. That made me laugh.

I'm a fan of Max. But you already knew that.

HA. I may be well out of a job. Because his job is to keep his sims alive. I hope he remembers to save before he quits...

Beinn Nibheis? Is that the original spelling of Ben Nevis? Because I'm literally sitting here in a Ben Nevis hoodie.

It's blue. I also have a purple one. Just letting you know.

Roderick seems kinda like a sketchy dude. I'm not sure how I feel about him. Max can drown him in the pool.

Haha. Forests as fillers. Haha. Yup. That happens.

You haven't discredited my theory!! It stands!!

I'm sorry I'm so weird and loud and committed to my fanfiction head-fanon. I don't even know what to call fanfiction theories. I'm going with head-fanon? Any ideas?

So, as usual, this is great. You write this style so well! It's ridiculous, but you make it seem serious. You write well. I don't know what I'm trying to say. It's funny, but if you were just skimming it, I wouldn't immediately know that it was funny.

It's subtle. I think that's what I'm trying to say. And your writing isn't suffering for the humor, which is something I see a lot (like in my own writing...).

I can't wait for the next update!! Wooo!!

Author's Response: Hey there!

I have no idea what I was doing, once again. I thought it would be fun to hop into some action, and have Max become confused. Leaping lepers :).

Never fear, a little dust never hurt anybody.

I was saving it for later in the story, it was going to be concerning Helena, but I needed in for the challenge. So, I found a better place for it ;).

Baha, if he didn't save, we'd have to start the story all over again!

It is the Scottish-Gaelic name for Ben Nevis :D. See, Max wrote this just for your hoodies ;).

Roderick is just an idiot, don't mind him. Though drowning him in a pool may alter the storyline...

I was going to make a filler with a mini-adventure through the forest, but it wasn't working. So, I made the forest small and made the statement. (I only work on this when I'm way too overtired to be writing... that's the trick to writing parodies, you know.)

Head-fanon works, and you're allowed to be loud and weird :D it makes me laugh.

Thanks so much!!!


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Review #16, by CambAngst In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

2nd April 2014:
Hi, Rumpel!

Wow, this story is unique in just about every way I can think of. The era is not one you often see written, the characters are completely fresh and new, magic -- at least so far -- figures only indirectly into the story and the narrative style is really engaging!

I think I'll start with the narrative style. It makes me think of an older Disney cartoon, where the characters sometimes take umbrage at the things the narrator has to say about them. You're definitely creating a very different reading experience from nearly any other story on the site. I feel a bit like I'm intruding on some private affair at certain points, and it's delicious. Almost like I'm getting away with something!

You've captured some very interesting and under-appreciated aspects of a bygone era. It must have been very frustrating to be a girl with no desire to wed a noble lord or a young man who prefers the quiet company of his books to the glory of inheriting his family's estate. Poor Ivan and Nicholi both seemed destined for a life that's nothing like their dreams... unless they take matters into their own hands. And disappoint their father. Greatly.

I think you did a really good job of starting to build up your characters without going overboard on dumping in back story. I know the basics of who they are and the era they're coming of age in. I understand some of their goals and dreams and challenges. I can definitely sympathize with their plight.

Your writing style is a fascinating mix of elegant and abrupt. I love the way that you transition between the two.

I saw a single, lonely typo as I was reading:

Ivan discovered that she could levitate object, by the mere thought of doing so. -- objects

Great start!

Author's Response: Hey there!

This story is incredibly fun to write, even with short chapters and silly jokes.

I'm honestly not sure how Max and the interactive narrative came to be, as it certainly wasn't planned. It just happened as I was writing, and it made me laugh (which was the main point) so Max became a permanent presence that I've been getting really lovely feedback on.

During one of my courses several years ago, I was required to study Shakespeare -- that helped give me a feel of the time era. One of the aspects that I found most interesting about the time was women's societal roles, and was actually the subject of one of my research papers.

Oh, lonely typo, I'll have to fix that!

Thanks so much!


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Review #17, by toomanycurls In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

28th March 2014:
Hello!! I'm here for the challenge (and because I can't hold back from reviewing any longer)

You did a wonderful job with Max as the narrator - I think it's so different and unique from your other writing and I feel you've really branched out to do this. You also nailed the speech and style for this period. Not just with the dialogue (which is superb) but with the way Max talks and explains the story.

Poor Ivan gets no love from her dad. Maybe it's just me, but a lecherous bride seems like a bonus!! :P (I know, historical representation but I can't help but make my modern comments!)

Oh I could see magic being constrewed as demon possession or something to do with the devil.

I laughed quite a bit as Max described Ivan changing in ways that Nicholi didn't. I laughed even harder when Ivan told Max to get on with the story. Reading this makes me think it should be a Monty Python-ish movie.

I like that neither of them really want to marry but at least Ivan is more accepting of her sexual urges (and knows which way she swings).

This story is just brilliant and full of potential for awesome!


Author's Response: Hey!

Max sort of just happened while I was writing this... I have absolutely no idea... I had a ton of fun going through my old Elizabethan notes from studying Shakespeare's works, but I also mixed it together with standard English for readability purposes.

Modern comments are perfectly acceptable. I've been getting all sorts of comments, ranging from LOTR comments to the Sims o.O.

I've also been getting plenty of Monty Python comments -- I suppose it's difficult to write a parody in this era without leveling the Monty Python playing-field :D.

Thanks so much!


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Review #18, by SeverusLove In Which Ivan Fights Like a Man

24th March 2014:
Why, hullo Zchen! (Figured it out yet? I thought so.) [becauseithoughtsoappliestoanyanswer]

Anyway, me again. Hey there, how's it going? To start off, pardon me for any mistakes or if there are portions about this review that is hard to understand. While I'm writing this, I'm feeling a tad sleepy so I may not be able to organise my thoughts in the most efficient way. Feel free to PM me for clarification on any sentence/s that makes you scratch your head. :')

If I want to, I never read the previous reviews left in a chapter I am about to review. This is because reading others' gushing and/or critique might influence my own to subconsciously be more aware for those. Since I want my review to be as fresh as possible with my own ideas and opinions, I only read the reviews after I've done mine. Reading over the reviews of the first chapter, I was most amused by the theory of Max playing Sims since it did seem entirely plausible and it was hilarious. (Annnd yes, you could so make this a LotR crossover! :'D) ...Yeah, it was just something I thought to mention.

Putting the first chapter aside, when I first opened this second chapter and read the first few lines, it occurred to me that unlike a third voice in which the narration can pertain to the character-in-question's own opinion by choice of words to describe a certain event, writing it with a personified narrator clearly makes the chosen words for descriptions (like the [Ivan left the idiots to ogle their gain] portion) stem from Max's personal opinion. This confuses me a bit at times because it still surprises me when Max and the actual characters of the story interact with each other out of nowhere, though I'm getting used to it.

(Ah, comic relief.) In this particular portion -

["All our bravest men left this morn," Brirk the pub owner informed. "They've business in Wessex, they do."

Roderick was agitated, or so it would seem. Ivan surmised that he'd been forced to repeat himself multiple times to the idiots, as they were easily distracted.

Ivan asked, "I did?"]

I initially thought she was responding to the pub owner's statement and it was a proud kind of reaction with the sort of subtle insinuation that she was part of 'our bravest men', so when I read the next portion -



I was quite confused to what Max was talking about and who was speaking. Only after I read the portion after that did I realise what was going on. I reread the above portions and it was made clear to me.

Some parts made me laugh, the parody over 'Mary Stu' and the [who can destroy the demons within Ivan, causing her to switch back to her intended team] bit, the moment I realised Onlian Extra and Nother Extra's names (that scene reminded me a lot of an Alice in Wonderland scene with the Tweedle twins), and a lot of little portions gave me a fit of giggles (a quick tea break in the middle of a sword fight? Really?).

So I stand by what I said in the first chapter in that Max can sort of disrupt the flow of the story sometimes, but then again, they're all equivalent sacrifices for humour, so... ;)

The tone of this chapter was really different from the first one because it was more lighthearted and definitely a lot more Max in it. (Yes, I do think he kind of overpowered it in this chapter. Just a bit. Since he keeps drawing the focus back to him...but if that was your intention, then it's no problem with me.)

The plot and pace seemed a bit rushed in this chapter like the portion about the sword fight and sneaking into her brother's room, so it also seemed a bit too short of a chapter with a lot of dialogue in it. Longer scenes or added scenes might be nice to add on a little to the length of the story. In all honesty, it was a bit disappointing as I didn't find the depth I got from the first chapter but since this is a humour/parody fic and all, I guess I ought to get used to the more lighthearted tone until something tragic happens with her father or brother or something like that, lol.

Roderick Gryffindor is an interesting character, I thought he was just a parody off Godric, so the fact that he was actually Godric's [i]son[/i], well, that was a pleasant surprise. And yay for AU allowing for freedom in alterations to the Grey Lady and the Bloody Baron's story!

I stand by what I said about the description and sentence structure. As long as its perfectly comprehensible, it's all good with me. (Bonus points for utilising the humorous way of telling zi story!)

Format is all fine and dandy, too, only the part where it double spaces before the next scene bothered me a little (because I'm nitpicky like that with a story format's consistency, smh, feel free to ignore me on this).

But then, overall and in general, it remained an entertaining read that brought a lot of amusement so great job with that! The most vivid moment and one of my favourite descriptions was definitely the part where she sees Roderick in all gold and Marty Stu-ish as she walks across the room but then later realises her mistake and Max credits it due to her being lightheaded from the stench of the 'idiots'. From 'A man' to 'made of gold' - the full four paragraphs of it. I liked the description. :')

And that's that! Phew, there's me finally completing this! :D /isproud/ Thank you again for requesting this. I tried to make the best out of it; I hope I was of some help to you. I'll see you around, yeah? :D

Keep Writing,
~ Sevvy

P.S. I decided to send the grammar/spelling bits from this chapter along with the ones from the first chapter, over the forums as well. It would be kind of silly and impractical to have them permanently up for public view here after you later edit in the corrections.

Author's Response: I still have no idea what Zchen means, and it is really disturbing me! I'll have to do more research...

You really did these much faster than I expected O.o .. like, WOW fast (because that's about how eloquent I am at the moment).

Hahaha, yeah, Kenpo pretty much demanded that her guess was correct :D. So, I'll let her believe that Max is playing the Sims. I was playing with an idea that could border on a LOTR crossover, but I'll have to see how that pans out.

Oh, yeah, I can see how that could be confusing with Max speaking directly to Ivan. I should probably attempt to bring more clarity to that portion so that the readers know that Ivan is addressing Max and not Brirk. I should probably attempt to make it clear at ALL times when Max and another character are interacting directly, which hadn't really occurred to me.

The 'Mary Stu' portion left me feeling uncertain, and I considered eliminating it. I've been getting some pretty good feedback from it, so I'm glad it was appreciated. You see, there's sometimes that I believe something is funny... and it's just not. As for the Xtras, I'm really glad you caught that, because not everybody has. I suppose they do share a likeness with the Tweedles! The tea break, well, I blame that on being overtired and being silly :D.

Yes, the give and take, right?

This was a lighter chapter, as I meant for it to be a transitional chapter. That being said, I was running out of actual events that could have occurred, and it is painfully short (and filled with Max). I would like to add more depth to it. As I've said before, however, if I cannot seem to extend this chapter further I may have to combine it with the first chapter. I would consider adding the next chapter, but that one is turning out a bit lengthy and there's a significant time lapse, so... There are some substantial dark and angsty portions of this, so I'd like to add the humor wherever I can.

Roderick was perhaps not the most ingenious name, but I like it :D. I've really wanted to write with the Baron for a while, and this gave me a perfect opportunity!

The spaces were quite large, though it wasn't intentional. I would like it more uniformed as well.

Thanks so much! You've been so much help ♥ !

If there's anything I can do in return, just PM me, yeah?

Thanks again! ♥ ♥ ♥


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Review #19, by SeverusLove In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

24th March 2014:
Hey there Zchen! (bonus points to figuring out the name ;D)

SeverusLove here from the forums and thank you so much for stopping by and dropping this off at my review thread! I must say, I absolutely adore Elizabethan English, Old English, Victorian Era English, and archaic words (a major reason why I'm so taken with LotR) so seeing a story riddled with it like this naturally amplified my interest. (I basically started off by staring at the Glossary for a while and going "D'aww, thiz English." :'D)

According to experience, stories with particularly long titles are usually in the humour genre. This be another point in fact.

I've seen a good many lot attempt this style of a story in which the narrator is personified and given his own voice/personality but as it is yet the first chapter, I cannot come to a conclusive opinion of your use of him as of yet. However, I have already noticed the existence of its advantages and disadvantages. That being it has greatly aided in providing endless opportunities for inserting humorous comic relief, but at the risk of disrupting the flow of the story. For example, in the section where Max is directly addressed for the first time, long paragraphs of narrator-y descriptions preceded it and I had delved really deep in it, but when I reached the part here:

[Ivan could not only -

"Sir Maximus!" Ivan scolded me, still standing in the frozen scene that we left her in. "The back story is becoming unnecessarily garrulous, and I'm cramping from holding this position!"]

I was taken by surprise and jolted out of the images formed in my head especially by the sudden use of the word 'me', as I had been reading it thus far under the assumption of the third point of view though I realise now that I should have known better, and also by the cliffhanger of the last line and wondering what the continuation to that narration should have been. It was rather amusing, however, because of the bit of truth in the 'garrulous' part and the picture of the the present being frozen and the main character complaining of cramps because of it.

Also, I felt during the earlier part of the narration where Max added that [That's right, children - though, none of you are actually children, as you need to be 17 or older to be reading this due to the maturity rating and applicable warnings - Ivan had manly swagger.], I felt that it kind of disrupted the flow a bit; but I won't deny the bit about 'manly swagger' made me snicker and then decide to forgive that. It was like sacrificing a bit for some humour. Give and take, yeah?

But having Max is like having that second opinion objective from the characters' and that speaks for the majority at large like in the line - [and who would much rather prefer that the narrator, and everybody else for that matter, refer to her as "Ivan", though most refuse her this luxury as it is most uncouth]. Thus far, I don't think he has overpowered the story much yet as I happen to be

Whether these elements are good for the story or bad, varies according to the personal opinion of each reader so you shouldn't be too worried about it. As for me, I am more or less neutral with it. :)

The pacing of the story and the progression of the plot thus far has been consistent and I can't find portions that requires pointing out of being either too rushed or too slow, but as it is yet the first chapter, again, I can't yet form a conclusive opinion on that. The length of the chapter, I think, is just about right. Though for those particularly taken with the story, I can imagine being a bit short.

There were some portions I had to reread to comprehend, but that may only be because I was a tad distracted. Your description is wonderful and perfectly comprehensible to me but I suppose it's because I noticed we have a similar style of sentence structure in the use of commas, dashes, and hyphens, in which we share a close friendship with commas and thus, commas are abundant. (Though be wary - sentences can run a bit long because of that; let the last sentence be a case in point.)

I like how you emphasised your characterisation of both OCs with the small things like the image of Ivanna running across the grounds and the chambermaids blushing after her because of her flimsy clothing, or scaling the wall to Nicholi's room where he is pacing with anxiety, as well as his opinion of his sister being an interesting case to study. It is these small things that offers another dimension to the OC, which I most value.

I see the bits of magic you put into it - the bit about Ivanna actually being a witch (to the knowledge of no one but the readers yet) and the twist of everyone else thinking it was the demons and a blasphemy to 'Him'.

Overall and in general, it was an entertaining and pleasant read, the most vivid lines being [In fact, Ivan constantly sought her father's blessing and praise, but could only receive it indirectly, by the attention paid to her brother, Nicholi, instead.] and all her innocent reasons for wanting to become a man - [grandeur, adventure, glory, power, (ignoring the latter part for personal preference)]. My favourite part was definitely the 'dramatic speaking and flamboyant body movements' as part of their lessons as the olden days does tend to be portrayed as such.

Despite my preferences and uncomfortable areas, I've endeavored to be objective and to keep an open mind so I hope you find some of these of some help. I shall review the next chapter when I can. Keep writing, yeah?

Best Regards!
~ Sevvy

P.S. As the character limit will not allow me to add in the spelling/grammar discrepancies I have managed to pick out, however few they are, I will be PMing them to you over the forums, alright?

Author's Response: Hey there,

You reviewed these two chapters like you were getting paid for it! That's awesome. There will be no bonus points for me, because even Google cannot give me a meaning to Zchen. :(

Phew, I'm glad that you appreciate archaic language, because it could have been tedious otherwise. The original title was much shorter, but every time I changed it...it just continued getting longer and longer. Though, I have had many comments on having the longest title in HPFF history (but I think I could find a longer one if I really tried).

Max was created specifically for comic relief to the darker portions of the story. His sudden insertion after much background information was intended to break up the dryness of the introduction, though it is quite jarring. That was something that I hadn't quite noticed, but I will consider making the voice of the narrator clearer in the beginning of the chapter.

Max's braking of the fourth wall, calling the readers "children", was meant purely for my own amusement. I really does disrupt the flow, though, doesn't it? I find that I enjoy writing this story better when I'm extremely overtired, so this actually has a ton of meaningless happenings meant to make myself laugh. So, yeah, I suppose it's all give and take. I hadn't thought about it like that before, so thank you.

Yeah, I suppose it would be opinion-based on whether they were good, bad, or indifferent.

This chapter, I was fairly satisfied with as far as length, mostly because the remainder of the content I wanted to save for the second chapter. However, if I cannot manage to bulk up some of the second chapter, I may have to consider combining the two.

I have always had a comma addiction, and sometimes that has made trouble for me. I try to keep a close eye out, but I still seem to end up with run-ons and whathaveyou.

I am glad that you liked the characterization, because I love OCs and find them very fun to write. I have a problem, where all of my characters require character sheets before I begin to write. It helps me keep on track, though does dampen significant character growth (which I have to be careful of).

With the time, I thought it was appropriate to have Ivan's magical ability be viewed as some demonic power.

Thanks so much for taking a look at this, though it may not be down your alley. You've been extremely helpful (and timely, to boot).

I've received the PM (thank you, thank you), it was really helpful. Despite looking over it myself, it still seems that typos and errors escape me!

Thanks so much!


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Review #20, by Maelody In Which Ivan Fights Like a Man

24th March 2014:
Hey! Sorry it took so long to get to this! Work and all, you know? :)

I love the names you use in this chapter! Xtra and Nother Xtra made me laugh, and boy do I wish I could hear how they actually talk! XD crazy! And scammers! I'm surprised Ivan tolerated them for so long lol.

She must have thought his eyes were gold because of the armor's reflection, right? ;) Though that whole lesson on gold was hilarious. I really do love Max! :D

Marty Stu is the BEST character EVER! ( obviously!) ;) I'm pretty sure I'm right on this, but the play on Mary Sue was great. :)

One correction I saw needed to be made, though very small, was, "“What? Why would I allow each of you two shillings when I only need one of you to tell me what I need to know.”" It should be a ? yeah? :)

This really is great. It's super original, it gets me laughing, and I love the topics it covers. They're great, and Max is just so snarky! You really excell in the comedy and that's what makes this so enjoyable! Super great job and I can't wait to read chapter three! :D

Author's Response: Oh, I understand! Sorry it took so long to respond!

Haha! I'm glad that you caught the Xtras. I only work on this story when I'm over-tired, and have to go back and reread all of the madness while I'm awake. ...the things that happen while I'm mildly dillusional... They provided some nice filler (and pointless) conversation!

I'm glad you enjoyed the lesson on gold ;) and Max!

Yes, you're right! Marty Stu is the male-version of a Mary Sue, and your reaction was exactly what I was going for!

Yes, it should be a question mark! Thank you!

Thanks so much!! This is really fun to write, but I think any comedy has to be credited to my sleepy-mind rather than my lucid mind!


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Review #21, by Ravenclaw333 In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

16th March 2014:
This is a brilliant start to what promises to be a unique, interesting and witty story! I like your use of a narrator as a separate character, and it certainly allows for more freedom with the parody and breaking of the fourth wall. Ivan promises to be an interesting character, and you're dealing with issues of sexuality and gender identity very well. It's a difficult balance to strike when writing parody, but you've made the telling of the story the target, rather than the character. Very well done and I look forward to reading more! Thanks for entering the challenge and good luck!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much! Max naturally appeared while writing the story, though I'm not entirely sure how. I blame writing when over-tired, which seems the only time that I've been able to work on the parody.

I wanted to deal with issues of sexuality and gender issues as a more serious aspect to the story, despite it's tendency to act as a parody, so I'm glad that you think I'm dealing with them nicely.

Thanks so much!


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Review #22, by Lululuna In Which Ivan Fights Like a Man

20th February 2014:
Hi again! :)

Yay, another chapter of Max! I was really excited for this.

Also, sidebar, I love how you've specified that wench is not a negative term but typical use for a young lady! I read a late Victorian book where they kept calling the girl "wench" and I was shocked by it but apparently it's a thing, hehe.

Ivan's womanizing ways made me laugh, especially how she was so intrigued to hear tell of a maiden. She's so sneaky, though it really doesn't seem fair that she can't have proper relationships with the maidens due to her predicament.

Hehe, the poor Xtras, not even important! However I think Max named them very nicely. You do make me giggle.

"Smelled like privy" hahaha gross, but most likely very true. Somehow this often gets skirted over in historical romances so I'm glad you brought it to attention. :P

Sir Marty Stu!!! Oh, thank Merlin it isn't really him. This Roderick (such a good Gryffindor name) seems interesting, however. Especially since he resembles that ginger guy who got killed off really unexpectedly in the Tudors.

Magically enhanced gold armour sounds reasonable.

Ivan! :O How inapproapriate. :P But I mean, she does have to blend in well with the men, and doubtlessly they would be full of vulgar insults. I like her arguments with Max as well, and don't blame the others for being confused.

I'm so excited for Ivan's adventure! How perfect that she be going to rescue Helena from the Baron, I like the little canon tweaking here. I also enjoyed the comment of the bravest man ever to exist in existence. Indeed it's a bit of an odd defining characteristic.

Hilarious chapter, I loved it! :D I'll be keeping an eye out for the next one!

Author's Response: Hello again!

Heh, I think that a bad mark has been put on the word "wench" ;), though, I'm pretty sure that's it's used negatively as well. I think it has to do with context or something...I don't know.

Ha, Ivan does think like a man at times...hence the womanizing ;). Maybe she'll fall in love one day and be able to be with a maiden...or something.

I was hoping everybody would catch the Xtras. They were kind of obvious, but, you never know.

Privy's can be romantic... okay, no they can't.

I have no idea what I was thinking with Marty Stu...I think I was doing things for my own amusement ;). It was all Max. Sir Roderick! :D That IS the guys from the Tudors, and I love that show!

Magically enhanced gold armor was reasonable enough for me.

Ha, Ivan has a potty mouth, but she does blend well!

The adventure is coming!

Thanks so much! ♥


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Review #23, by GingeredTea In Which Ivan Fights Like a Man

19th February 2014:
This is wonderful! You manage to add a level of humor through Max that is just infectious! :D I really like the way you're using him - er obviously I didn't mean *using* that way, Max! See, he even makes reviewing more fun! :D Go Max! And Rumpel (although as you can see, Max is kinda stealing your glory...).

I am becoming really really fond of Ivan and Roderick Gryffindor seems interesting in an important idiot sort of way (I hold my judgement for now).

Can't wait to see the next chapter - hope you won't keep us waiting too long, Max and Rumpel!

Author's Response: Hey there!

Sorry about the lateness of this response!

I'm really glad you like Max, he can steal my glory for this one ;). He's been my favorite part of the story so far, and it makes writing really...insane (but fun).

I'm also glad that Ivan's growing on you ♥ -- she's pretty awesome.

Thanks so much!


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Review #24, by GingeredTea In Which Ivan Dreams Like a Man

12th February 2014:
Oh my - loving this!

I think I really like Max's flow, characterization and humor.

The setting is obviously really unique and interesting and I love your character. You do like writing brazen girls, don't you?

There was a lot of information to wrap my head around but you presented them very well and I think they'll sink in nicely. Your descriptions and transitions were simply amazing here and I really like the essence of your main character (Ivan, I'll grant her the luxury).

Ivanna sounds like a really intriguing character and I can't wait for her to meet Gryffindor!

Author's Response: Hello!

Welcome to my parody-ish thing!

Max is pretty awesome, with those elements.

Brazen girls, what brazen girls? Haha, yeah...guilty. Next time, I'll write a damsel in distress ;).

Ivan thanks you. I am the master of information overload! I can't help myself, really.

:D Thanks so much!


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Review #25, by marauderfan In Which Ivan Fights Like a Man

10th February 2014:
Good morrow, Baudstrot :p Thou hath mentioned thy enjoyment whence you gaze upon olde timey reviews on this, wherefore I challenge myself to compose the entire review in such a fashion. Thus, My sincerest apologies in advance for this possibly unintellible review.

Ay, upon first glance I did not glean the importance of the valiant hero Onlian Xtra, until his sister was introduced. 'Tis a most amusing name. Perchance one way to not need to come up with additional names :D

Once again thou hast included most enthralling characters. Marty Stu appears to be of the non-cliche persuasion and an undoubtedly captivating individual, as evidenced by the rhyming of his name with another very important character with lots of personality.

The facts about gold are undoubtedly helpful in the narrative. Forsooth, gold would be useless as armour, and indeed quite heavy. I marvel that he can move his feet at all. Perchance in time someone will present him with a periodic table and instruct him on the many other metals from which he could construct battle adornments. He shalt then amaze all the townsfolk with his new suit of plutonium, which was discovered far earlier than we had thought. Then Sir Roderick will unfortunately die of radiation poisoning.

I dost proceed ahead of myself with my predictions - hence I return to the story.

Go Ivan! She showed Sir Roderick with her superior sword clashing and tea-break ing, she would fain be a dashing hero.

I love that she has no idea who Gryffindor and Ravenclaw are or wherefore they should be important personages.

The end of the chapter, whence she takes off into the night after slicing off her hair, makes me think of Mulan :D

Yon chapter is exquisite, methinks.

Author's Response: Well met, friend! :D You made my day with this ;)!

Haha, my extras! I love my extras, and I named them as such! :D There's no need for names for irrelevant characters in this story, no sir!

Haha, you've caught the Marty Stu! Awesome! I thought he might be overlooked a little, but no, there you are...calling him out :D.

Yes, but it's magically enhanced golden armor!...whatever that means. ^.^ Hahaha, a suit of plutonium. Methinks thou hast got something there. (Cough, look at me, too lazy to even write one complete sentence in Elizabethan.)

Haha, you even caught the tea break :D. Dashing, indeed!

It is a little like Mulan, now that I think about it. I was trying to go for more Joan of Arc, but, eh, beggars can't be choosers. Wait? Am I a beggar? Oh well, I'll take Mulan.


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