Reading Reviews for Finding Lily
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pixileanin The Finish Line

2nd March 2014:
Hi! You finished! Yay!

I thought this was a really interesting story, and I have to tell you that Lily's secret was a SURPRISE! Congratulations for thinking up something so unique! I loved the little twists and turns of your plot and how you kept me guessing throughout. You had a great sense of mystery, which is hard to maintain.

The suspense with the potion was really well done, and I loved how you engaged us with some shady characters! I wasn't sure exactly what to think of those men who were looking for someone else, and I almost wish the story was long enough to settle that for us.

This was a lovely read! Good luck with the challenge!

Author's Response: Hi Pixileanin!

Wow thank you so much for your wonderful review!! I'm so glad that you found it to be unique. You liked the potion scene!! I was so worried about writing that part - so I'm beyond happy that you thought it was well done! I completely agree with you - there's definitely room to revisit some of the characters / events from this story. That was something that I kept thinking about after posting that it was completed... So I'm currently working on a sequel. While it can stand on its own (at least that's my goal lol), I'm looking forward to addressing some of the unfinished threads from this story too.
Thanks again for stopping by! Best of luck with the challenge too!!

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Review #2, by maraudertimes Where There's Smoke...

22nd February 2014:
Second review since I feel so horrible about being so late with the review swap!

Holy moly this chapter was filled with everything! I'm beginning to really dislike Kenna. She seems like a piece of work! It's too bad that no one has given her a taste of her own medicine yet so I'm hoping Lily will be able to soon.

I really liked how you gave more information on Hugo in this chapter. It's nice to see that while people view him as gullible and somewhat simple minded (not unlike several versions of Hugo I've read about so far), he's actually very witty and has a sharp mind. After all, he is Hermione's son, so he's bound to get some of his intelligence from her, and he is Ron's son too and Ron is an amazing strategist!

The revelation of why Lily would want to keep an ant had me gobsmacked! It's Lorcan? That's a crazy twist! I wonder who it was that did that too him. I bet he's not doing so well.

The only thing I could suggest is perhaps showing an interaction between Lorcan (human Lorcan) and Lily soon, because so far she really seems to like him but I don't really have a sense if they're friends, if they don't talk, if there's a remote possibility of him liking her back. Even just a quick flashback or something would make me happy! :)

Great job, this was an amazing chapter! You've kept the air of mystery up and intrigue is still very predominant!

Author's Response: Lo! You are so sweet to add another review - lol that was such a surprise! Hugo was definitely my favourite character to write. The fact that Hugo gives off a first impression that is completely unlike how he actually is just seemed to "fit" with the Hugo that I had envisioned in my mind. I'm glad you liked that :)
I like your suggestion for a flashback scene between Lorcan and Lily. I have been going back and forth between adding another chapter or just leaving it as is and maybe creating a sequel that could explore their relationship a bit more. My initial intention was to leave it very much up in the air to mirror Lily's uncertainty of his feelings for her... but you've definitely given me something to think about :)
Thanks so much for leaving your thoughts on this chapter. And for adding this super awesome bonus review!!

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Review #3, by maraudertimes The Secrets We Keep

22nd February 2014:
Ergh! This is for the review swap we had a while back. I'm so sorry for being so late!

Okay, so this is really interesting and I really love it. I think the start was great because it's right in the middle of the action and we get to see exactly who Lily is and who she is now.

I think the introduction of Gryffindor's Head of House, Professor Spore, was really cool, because he's obviously very rule-oriented and strict and seeing Lily's opinion of him spoke wonders for her personality. On the same topic, the fact that she thought about her words before responding to him shows she can be quite controlling and rational, but since she's in the meeting it's a little obvious she can go a little overboard and do things that aren't strictly allowed - and I think both things together makes her a great character!

The secrets are really intriguing and the fact that Lily seems convinced that it was Kenna who brought them down (not arguing, just waiting for all the facts to come out before I make my decision on whose fault the quidditch incident was) really lends to the plot. After all, what can happen in five days that could lead to this? A lot apparently.

I'm excited to see where this goes, especially because two of Lily's secrets are out (can I just say that I loved Hugo's reaction when Lily told him she was in love with Lorcan?), and I really want to know why having an ant under her bed is such a big deal.

Well, guess I'll have to keep reading! Great job, I absolutely loved this first chapter, and you've done a wonderful job at introducing your characters and your premise!

Author's Response: Hi Lo!

Thanks so much for your wonderful review!! I'm so happy that you enjoyed reading this. Yes, Lily's life has taken quite the turn and I personally love that you want to wait and see whether she's a trustworthy narrator. That's awesome :) I had lots of fun writing Lily and Hugo's friendship - so I'm thrilled that you liked the exchange when Lily revealed who she was in love with.
Ahh your review was so awesome, I can't stop smiling.

Thank you so much!

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Review #4, by lindslo2012 The Secrets We Keep

17th February 2014:
Hi there!
Here for the review swap!
I am loving these next Gens more and more by reading awesome stories like your's!!! :)
I love how her and Hugo are best friends in this one and that they have their own little thing going on like the fact that she likes Lorcan, how cute:)
I enjoyed reading this very much and I hope I get some time to keep reading it!

Author's Response: Thanks Lindsey! This was my first attempt at writing Next Gen, so I was definitely feeling a little nervous about writing this era. I'm so happy that you enjoyed it! I really loved writing Lily and Hugo's friendship. They have a really strong bond and truly are best friends.
Thanks again for sharing our thoughts :)

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Review #5, by toomanycurls Where There's Smoke...

17th February 2014:
Can I just say that Kenna sounds like a horrible bully? And that she deserves those bruises. :) You do a fabulous job showing how manipulative Kenna is towards others (and Lily).

I'd be all over the ant thing - just out of curiosity though. :P Why would she keep a live ant? oh good, Hugo and I are wondering the same thing. Is the ant an animagus? That would be kind of exciting!! I could see Hugo as being quite smart but wanting to seem cool and indifferent (a bit like James or Sirius are portrayed).

I was going to say nothing could be more interesting than learning more about this ant but then this thing with the doves happened and it's just beautiful! You described their descent and tree decoration so elaborately and with such amazing detail!

Her flashback is amazing and rich of the exact detail I've been craving to know! You write out how stressful school much be wtih all the academic and social pressures (pulling from experience, I expect :P). I think adults often overlook or forget how much goes on in the life of a teenager. Lily's dream really shows how much cares for Lorcan. It feels like so much more than a crush.

somehow, her burning the parchment feels so symbolic and carthartic.

The voice in the cooridor and Lily trying to find who it is has such tension and well done drama! I felt completely sucked into that section, needing to read in. Whoo! Origin of the ant and Lily. You should update soon because I need to know what happens next!


Author's Response: Thank you so much for your wonderful review!! Yes - Kenna is actually pretty horrible...and a master manipulator - so I'm really glad that was able to come across well.
Eeee I'm thrilled that you enjoyed the Christmas tree scene with the doves! I knew I wanted to set this story during that time of year...and I was really looking for something that would be exciting for these students. So reading that you liked it just made my whole week :)
Once you're away from school, I think it's easy to forget just how much pressure can build up over academics. I felt that with her family's part in the Great War, coupled with her life being kind of derailed all of a sudden, Lily would place that additional pressure on herself to do well on her O.W.L's.
The hallway scene was so hard for me to write! Wow - it makes me so happy to hear that you felt the tension and drama!!

Thanks again so much for your lovely comments!!

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Review #6, by Erised The Secrets We Keep

1st February 2014:
Hey Kristen! I'm doing good on my war here and stopping by to review this great chapter I had the pleasure of beta-ing!

Okay so to start, I really like the opening of this chapter. I thought you were very realistic in the way that Lily and Professor Spore interacted - it was very much a student and teacher relationship which was great. I also like the touch of having the school reports there, something that was always missing during the series that adds a really nice element!

Then we get to see Hugo and Lily together. I always think that Hugo gets a bit of a rough end of the deal in fanfiction and is barely mentioned, so I'm really pleased to see him in your story! As a sidenote, I find slow walkers really frustrating haha so it's best if I didn't meet him in real life ;)

Your descriptions are great here and add a much needed visual to the scenes that really bring everything to life. I love your description of the bustling corridors, it's really great! Plus you describe the wintry grounds of Hogwarts really nicely.

Hmm, Kenna's a nasty piece of work then. I'm not quite sure what to make of her yet - whether she's a real mean girl or whether there's something more to her. And Lily being in love with Lorcan? Very interesting! I can't wait to see how that plays out.

So there are lots of questions that you've left us all wondering about with this opening chapter and I'm really interested to see how they're all going to play out. Especially the ant in the box... what does it mean? I'm super excited to find out!

This is a great start Kristen! Looking forward to the next chapter! :D

Author's Response: Hi Jenny! Aww thanks so much for leaving a review on this chapter. You really are too sweet :)
First, I just want to thank you for all the feedback and effort you put in as Beta for this! It's truly appreciated.
Hugo has been really fun to write. I also get frustrated with slow walkers lol so I think you and I would be in the same boat with him haha.
I'm glad you liked the portrayal of the student-teacher relationship. While Lily has taken a detour from the path of the model student, she isn't so far gone that she's lost her respect for authority... or at least lost it enough that she'd be open about it lol.
As the chapters progress, we'll get to see the flashbacks of the events discussed in this chapter (including the ant in the box!)- so it will give a better picture of the true natures and motivations of the characters as well as offer some explanations for the events in question.
I'm so glad you enjoyed the start to the story and thank you so so much for your lovely words :)

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Review #7, by toomanycurls The Secrets We Keep

30th January 2014:
Thank you so much for doing a review swap!!

I really like how you've portrayed Lily here - like a good seed turned bad. Prof Spore's recounting of her notes from other professors was almost like a story in and of itself of her descent into rebellion. It's amazing she got into so much trouble in just 6 days!

It's kind of adorable that Hugo is such good friends with Lily. I imagine their families were quite close while they were growing up. I laughed at Huge's question of whether she killed their prof. Hugo does sound a little pokey.

I'm interested to see how love caused Lily to go so off-base in terms of her rule breaking and violence. Why is Lorcan Scamander a surprise?

Kenna sounds like someone I'd pull off their broom. :P What is this cube?! Curious, very curious. An ant in a box? I missing something there?

I hope you update soon!


Author's Response: I really enjoyed our review swap, Rose! Thank you for the thoughtful review :)
Yes - Lily's caught in this downward spiral, and I'm finding it so fun to write the flashbacks for the moments discussed in this chapter. It's interesting to think about the scenarios or motivations behind the events that have already happened.
Aww Lily's love for Lorcan is what sparked the initial chain of events. The way I picture it, even though Lily has these strong feelings for Lorcan, it's something she's never discussed with anyone - even Hugo. So I imagine the surprise at her revelation has more to do with the fact that she's never even mentioned him than with it being him in general.
Haha yes Kenna is a real piece of work! The cube Kenna throws at Lily is the box that holds the ant. More detail will be provided in the next chapter :)

Thanks again for leaving your thoughts on my chapter!!

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Review #8, by UnluckyStar57 The Secrets We Keep

30th January 2014:
Hello! I come to you for a review swap on a day when you're not feeling so well. I really hope you feel better quite soon!

But in the name of procrastination and sick days, let's begin. :)

Okay, to start off this review, I must say that I find this first chapter incredibly fascinating. It is well-written, the characters are fleshed out and compelling, and it reveals just enough to give me a hazy picture of what's going on. I like it so far, and I'm wondering why I've never discovered this fic before!

The names in this chapter are brilliant. I always have trouble coming up with names for my characters, so I really admire people who give their characters names that are interesting or significant in some way. Is Professor Spore the Herbology teacher (just guessing, based on his surname)? Is he, by chance, related to Phyllida Spore, author of One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi? Where on earth did you come up with the name "Lefteris Paraskevas?" That's a cool one! Also, Aldonra Cabello. Will these interestingly-named people come into the story later? I hope they do! I'd like to see what kind of people they are. I feel like Lefteris will be that sort of person who likes to cause trouble, but whether this person is a boy or a girl, I cannot tell. Aldonra is definitely a girl, probably a flirtatious one, if her compliment to Hugo is any indication. :)

The idea of a floating, cinematic-ish filing system is very cool! I like the concept because it's like security cameras for wizards. You can go back into someone's "criminal record" and see every single thing that they've done wrong! In the scene with Lily and Professor Spore, the juxtaposition of the professors' voices and the scenes add a lot to defining Lily's character. She's definitely deviant, no doubt about that, but when she is finally innocent, why does she get blamed for it?

Lily and Rose seem like they would be enemies. The passing mention of Rose "righting wrongs and punishing the offenders" makes her sound a bit like the Sheriff of Nottingham, while Lily and Hugo are some variation of Robin Hood and Little John. (Not that they steal from the rich to help the poor, but it's kind of a case of me liking the "bad" guy and disliking the "good" guy.) Will Rose make any more appearances later on?

Kenna McCormack is a really rude jerkface. How did she find out Lily's secret? Why did she push Lily off her broom? Is she after the person that Lily has a crush on? (I won't say who in this review--no spoilers!) Or does she know about that other secret--the one that was revealed at the end?

Also, what do a hapless crush and a box with an enigmatic life form have in common? Obviously they both involve Lily in some way, but what's going to happen next?! I love that this chapter sets up the premise for the story and that it seems like the next chapter will be a look into the past--an account of the events that led up to Lily's chat with Spore and the subsequent receiving of detention. I have a hunch about the true nature of the object in the box--Animagus maybe? But I could be wrong.

I hope that you update this story very soon! I will definitely be back to read more! :D


What happened, Miss Potter, Professor Spore asked

Author's Response: Hi UnluckyStar57!

Thank you for doing this review swap with me - and for your well wishes :) You're too sweet. I am beyond happy that you enjoyed my story! As it's my first attempt at Next Gen, I was super nervous.
Yes - you got the connection with Spore! I wanted to created a professor who had a family connection to Hogwarts :) While some of the names just came to me as I was playing around with names that I like, I can't take the credit for all of them. I used a name generator (Behind the Name) for Lefteris and Aldrona :) Lefteris will definitely make an appearance in a later chapter - and I'd love to include an Aldrona - Hugo moment - so we'll see how that goes!
I'm glad you liked the visuals that go along with the student files. In my mind, the students aren't always "being watched" - "official" school events like choir performances, Quidditch games as well as detentions etc. would be fair game, but there are tons of moments that wouldn't be captured as well. The incident with Kenna pulling Lily off her broom would be one of those times, as it was just a practice. And with most confrontations, in the moment, it can sometimes be difficult to tell just who did what. With Lily's recent deviant behaviour, it's not a surprise that most would just jump to the conclusion that she was entirely at fault.
You're absolutely right about the set-up of the story! I'm having fun thinking about the different flashbacks for the events discussed in this chapter. I'm working on the second chapter now, so hopefully it won't be too much of a wait before I can post it :)
I'm so glad that you found my premise interesting and thank you so much for your lovely review!!

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Review #9, by Pixileanin The Secrets We Keep

29th January 2014:
Five Elements Challenge!!

This intrigued me, because I'm doing this challenge too with a short story (sort of). I had to come by and take a peek at what you're working on. :)

Uh oh. If she's been getting frequent lectures from the Head of House who's only been appointed last month, that cannot be good!

Okay, so she has a secret, and Kenna is out for blood. With that horrid nickname for Hugo, I wouldn't mind knocking her off her broom myself. Sheesh! So the girl has secrets, and the last five days have gotten her into some serious trouble.

I enjoyed your initial characterization of Hugo. He seems like a fun guy, and the way that he immediately supports Lily shows that he definitely cares more about her than what she's been up to in the last few days, which from the sound of it, is absolutely nothing good. If you haven't guessed already, I find Kenna completely despicable. Lily, I'm not so sure about. She's not showing much emotional reaction to her misdeeds, so I can't be certain if she wants to change, or if she doesn't care, or the things that happened to her have simply put her over the edge and she's experiencing a psychotic break... I guess I'll just have to wait and see what you do with her in the next chapter.

This could be a promising story. Good luck with the challenge!


Author's Response: Thanks so much for your thoughtful review! Yes - Lily's life has taken a drastic turn over the last few days...and things are not good to say the least!
LOL I feel the exact same way about Kenna! As the story progresses we'll get to see a bit more of the Lily - Kenna dynamic as well as some insight into Lily's emotions (or lack of) regarding the things she's done. I'm so glad you liked Hugo - it's my first time writing Next Gen - and he's been my favourite to write so far :)
Best of luck with the challenge to you as well! I read yours and absolutely loved it :)

Thanks so much for your thoughts on my chapter!

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