Reading Reviews for Evolution
  
232 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Jilyinmyheart Sharpened

2nd August 2015:
Love so far. Very excited for the next installment.

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm just about to get back to work on the next chapter, so hopefully it will be posted soon!

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Review #2, by The Ghost Of His Last Laugh Open Season

19th July 2015:
Hi again!
Can I just tell you how obsessed I am with this story? It's so addicting! I can't believe I've read all 45 chapters already. And let me tell you, I wanted to leave a review on every single one, but I didn't want to be annoying. :) Although I'm sure your review count would've been pleased.

Anyways - I love all the interactions you have written between James and Lily. They seem so well characterized, and each conversation seems very genuine. I especially like how James is opening up to Lily more, like about Quidditch, and she is accepting it. Not going to lie, for a while I thought Lily was just plain mean. Now she's softening up. It's so great!

I'm so excited for your next update. Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Haha! Thank you!

I'm glad you're enjoying the interactions and characterizations (and the story as a whole of course). I'm pretty much ALL about character-driven stories and so getting that stuff right is hugely important to me.

You're definitely not alone in your thoughts about Lily. I've messed her up previously in that way - well, I like to think not so much messed her up as excessively limited her interactions with other individuals so that we don't see that her hostility is primarily directed at James (and Sirius) as well as we should. When I go back and edit I need to round her out a bit better earlier in terms of kindness probably, but we'll see how it goes.

For some reason I'm really struggling with this chapter at the moment, but I'm hoping to get it done ASAP so stay tuned!

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #3, by Kaylie Open Season

16th July 2015:
Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please. Please, please, please, please UPDATE! This is such a great story --- PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UP DAAATEE! I MUST SEE THE JILLY MOMENT!

Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words! I'm HOPING to have an update for you in the next few days...

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Review #4, by Rumpelstiltskin O Captain, My Captain

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 :: Slytherin

Quiddich would be a great outlet to take James' mind off of his mild obsession with Lily. Especially given that he has the responsibility of being Gryffindor's captain.

Sirius is clueless to James' crush, and I find that very funny. What's even more humorous is that James plays along!

Another great chapter!

-Rumpel

What makes him such a great captain is his intensity and the way he takes it so seriously. It's a bit intimidating, but, hey, they're Gryffindors, they can handle it ;). Sirius as his right-hand-man is a nice touch, as well.

Oh, but even the slightest reminder of Lily -- even if it her friends in the stands -- can distract James from Quiddich. Poor guy. He's just in love, and doesn't know what to do with it.

Author's Response: James is definitely a hardcore Captain, and though he IS very much determined to win, you'll find out as the story progresses that there's a bit more to his intensity about Quidditch than just him being a Quidditch nut.

As for Sirius...he'll have his own inklings, while amusingly not quite getting there...but I hope you'll be pleasantly surprised by how he ends up dealing with everything throughout the story.


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Review #5, by Rumpelstiltskin Another Run-In

12th July 2015:
House Cup :: 2015

Aha, so James and Sirius *are* going to have to take Potions with Lily (and Severus). My estimations are turning out nicely ;). Though, obviously, they haven't realized that Severus and Lily have had the ultimate falling out.

Well, that is, of course, until they actually get into Potions class (that's the problem with reading in sections). By the way, I love how jealous James is -- that makes me laugh. The characters are super realistic in this, that's probably one of the reasons why I've been enjoying this so much.

Though, I was wrong in my assumption that Lily and James would end up being partners -- clever little twist there. Otherwise, it might have been a little too obvious.

Ah, poor James! I do feel bad that Lily believes that James (with the help of Sirius) ran into her on purpose! The poor guy does want to change for her, but so far things aren't turning out in his favor.

I also loved (apparently I love a lot today, save a better term) how suspicious she was of James, who was simply trying to help her up. Of course, given his track record, who could blame her.

So, James' new attitude is making a slight impact, anyhow. At least she isn't positively repulsed by the sight of him by the end of the chapter ;).

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Indeed, indeed! It will take A LONG time for Lily to really fully thaw toward James, and there's plenty of one step forward, one step back as far as that goes. We'll see how you like the dance they do if you carry on - because I meant slow burn :p

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Review #6, by Rumpelstiltskin Hogwarts Bound

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 :: Slytherin

That's right, I never thought about having to switch partners in Potions since Lily is no longer on good terms with Severus. What's more is that she'll have to do without her girlfriends, as well. I sense that James and Sirius will, indeed, be in her class, and that she will ultimately have to partner with one of them (I like to guess ;) ).

I love female characters interacting with other female characters. It seems like an odd thing to say, but female characters tend to bring out more characterization than female/male characters. The same can be said for male characters interacting with male characters, but I feel as though a lot of the time, writers tend to forget that females do tend to form bonds with one another, and that it does create some pretty awesome characterization.

Anyway. James is so taken with Lily, and I love it. He's unfocused and needing to change because of her, and it's fantastic because it is so true to a teenage boy (not that I'd really know, so much, but...).

I also enjoyed how the four boys interact with each other and thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for making Peter a person and a part of the group! I can't tell you how many times I've read a story where Peter is just off doing something else or is completely silent, or eating cheese or something. I really think you've caught the essence of the group as a whole, the way the interact with and tease one another.

As for their individual characterization, so far I'm thoroughly enjoying them. You're giving each of them their own personality, and James and Sirius aren't the same person, more importantly. So, fantastic job with that!

Kudos!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Well, you're close to correct ;) - though it's not for awhile that she'll eventually partner with one of them (albeit not full-time).

Unfortunately, one my great regrets about the first half of this story is not enough of that female/female connection characterization that avoids stereotypes about clothes, guys, relationships, etc. It's something I'm going back to improve through editing once I finish.

As for the other stuff though, I'm glad you liked it and the Marauders. Though James, Remus, and Sirius still get more of the spotlight ultimately, I definitely try to make the remain differentiable and also to give Peter his moments and as you'd see later, a backstory that will come to give some light to why he does what he does in the end.

Thanks for carrying on with these great reviews!


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Review #7, by Rumpelstiltskin Words of Wisdom

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 :: Slytherin

I really enjoyed this one-on-one between James and his father -- it's not something I typically see in fanfiction. But let's begin at the start.

I would imagine that James' father would have an important job, which is why the Potter's were quite wealthy. I also love that, despite his busy schedule, he always attempts to find time to spend with his son (and also the way he apologizes profusely to James about keeping him waiting). Francis seems like a very good man.

After explaining all of his troubles with Lily, and oh there are troubles, I really adore the advice that his father gives him, "For every boy, there comes a time to choose the man you want to be." That's a really great line actually.

Thank you for filling in the gap in canon about what exactly happened to James to make him change so that Lily saw him in a different light; it was done extremely well.

Another great chapter, and thank you for it!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the father-son bit. It's something I wanted to include a lot more of in the novel ultimately, but it didn't fit as well as I'd hoped. You're definitely right about James's dad being a good guy. Obviously he's much older and has changed his ways, but as you would see in later chapters, he's quite a character himself even with his wealth and important job.

I also definitely wanted this to be an impetus for James to grow up (as that's kind of the story of the first half of the story in fact).

Thanks for the kind words!


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Review #8, by Rumpelstiltskin The End of the Line

12th July 2015:
House Cup : 2015

(In the least detail you've ever seen me leave a review...)

37 letters in one summer is a ridiculous amount, but I'd expect that Severus would do everything in his power to try to right things with the first and possible only true friend he'd ever had. I feel for him, but at the same time, I can definitely see why Lily -- after years of standing up for him, defending him against bullies (primarily James and Co.) -- would be hesitant to see forgive him.

The letter she writes him has a certain air of finality about it, as it was meant to have. She finally explains to him that it wasn't all about what he had called her, but more so about the path he's chosen with dark magic and allowing himself to be consumed by hatred.

Unless he were to change his ways, I don't see Lily being able to reconcile with him, even though it's hurting her as much as it is hurting him.

Also, I quite like the alternation of POVs, it keeps things fresh.

Great chapter!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hello again, Rumpel!

Haha, 37 letters IS quite a lot isn't it? I imagined that he would've written a letter a day for awhile though, and then with a three month summer it wasn't TOO insane to jump on from there - plus Snape is a rather obsessive character - especially with Lily. You're very correct about the finality though. It's bridge burned at this point.

I'm glad you like the POV shifts too - as that's a big fixture of the story.


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Review #9, by rosiful Differing Opinions

12th July 2015:
Wow, James' prank ideas sound pretty lame, even to me! I'm sure the professors and caretaker would not mind it if the did the second plan and cleaned Hogwarts up a bit for them though -they could do this prank in my house any time! I did like Sirius' reaction though, I quite agree with him, this is know way to uphold their prankster reputation!
I'm really wondering how long James can get away with not explaining why he's holding back from his usual ways! Surely Sirius will catch on soon. I love that Remus can see through James and know that something is up with him. I'm sure Remus approves of him changing, but it will be interesting when it all comes out!

I still like how you've included Peter in this, he is always there and a main character in the group, but he doesn't really do anything. I don't know about James thinking he should be a Hufflepuff, but I guess he doesn't exactly know how disloyal Peter is yet.

Rosiful
Slytherin House Cup 2015

Author's Response: Yes, it IS pretty lame. But James is also PRETTY desperate to still pull pranks without angering Lily if possible at this point, being that he's still in the deepest throes of his crush. And he knows if he completely stopped pranking, that would raise too much suspicion on the part of the other Marauders - though as you say, Remus is indeed the most pereptive in this regard.

Haha - this Hufflepuff comment has drawn so many comments all its own. I was trying to capture the prevailing idea we get that at least some students seem to think Hufflepuff is lame (the Marauders stereotyping them as more "boring" in their opinion than anything else though). But it's true that the others don't fully understand their friend though - something that will be explained in increasing detail as the story progresses.


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Review #10, by rosiful O Captain, My Captain

12th July 2015:
A very interesting Quidditch based chapter, but I could see all the other little plot points that you've put in there. Firstly though, James it a pretty scary Quidditch Captain! He definitely has a very no-nonsense approach when it comes to the game and his team! I can understand those first years running away! I love how Lily wasn't completely in James' mind in this chapter (though I did love at the start how you mentioned she still despised him -it will definitely take a bit to win her over!), it seems realistic that he is not thinking about her 24/7. But it's also very interesting he has noticed Katie, at first she was just a way of telling Sirius he was interested in someone, but not saying excatly who, but now she might actually have caught his eye. I really hope he doesn't just use her or anything...

As always, I really enjoyed reading this and am excited to see where you take this story!!

Rosiful
Slytherin House Cup 2015

Author's Response: James IS a pretty intimidating Captain, but (mild spoiler) it's in large part due to his planned career path at this point (plus his will to WIN).

You're one of the few early reviewers to notice that he notices Katie though ;) Interested to see what you think of what comes of that...


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Review #11, by rosiful Another Run-In

12th July 2015:
This was quite cute. I'm glad they've finally had their first interaction with each other! Though I do agree with your author's note, they realistically did need to go through a few things before facing each other once more. I loved Lily's reaction in this the most, just flat out accusing him and then not trusting his hand. He is known to be quite a prankster, so I can see why Lily would be incredibly skeptical of him and his intentions! I'm sure it will take her quite a bit before she sees that he is changing and trying to make a different, but I hope he keeps at it! I'm really enjoying reading this story, and I'm so glad that there's heaps of validated chapters for me to make my way through!!

Rosiful
Slytherin House Cup 2015

Author's Response: Taking "quite a bit" is a very true statement indeed. When I said slow burn in Chapter 1, I definitely meant it. They very much go in fits and starts in this first half of the story.

Excellent to hear you enjoyed their first interaction and hope you'll enjoy plenty more if you keep reading!


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Review #12, by rosiful Hogwarts Bound

12th July 2015:
I liked reading a bit about both points of view here. Their dynamics are quite different, the girls talking about their holidays and annoying sisters and the boys mainly talking about girls and pranks! I think you wrote both sections quite well. I can imagine Petunia throwing a fit about Lily getting to go to France and not her! I hope we get to see more of their incredibly tense sisterly relationship. I also think all the Marauders were very much in character in their scene. I actually especially like how you've included Peter. He does seem to be the bottom of the group and a shy mousy (no pun intended) type, but he is still included and one of them.

I'm looking forward to seeing how James grows and evolves, and I wonder how successful he will be without his friends having any suspicions!

Rosiful
Slytherin House Cup 2015

Author's Response: I'm glad you thought I handled the gendered friend groups well here - I only wish I maintained it as strongly throughout the remainder of this half of the story, but that's something for editing later I suppose.

I definitely wanted to make it a point to include Peter and though he's still (in keeping with McGonagall's PoA description) not the strongest or most outspoken member of the group (ever) - he definitely gets his moments in this fic (and most importantly what I hope will prove a strong backstory).

Glad you enjoyed the characterizations!


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Review #13, by rosiful Words of Wisdom

12th July 2015:
I love the father-son dynamic you've created here. At first I thought his father would be quite stand-offish and not interested in his son's teenage problem, but I'm happy to see that it's exactly the opposite! You've managed to make Francis a busy, important, very mature man, but also given him a lighter and more playful side when it comes to his son. I was so happy to see this sort of happy relationship between them, and I hope James does take his advice. I can't see Lily falling in love with an immature prankster! How James describes Lily to his father is also adorable too, he does seem to have quite a crush on her, so much so that he can barely get his words out straight! That is just so cute and sweet!! Another good chapter!

Rosiful
Slytherin House Cup 2015

Author's Response: Indeed! I hoped to include more of the parent-child relationships in the story, but unfortunately that didn't prove possible. Professional, but also playful is a great way to describe Francis Potter! There's a little more to see of that in other parts of the story.

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Review #14, by rosiful The End of the Line

12th July 2015:
Yay! I like seeing Lily's point of view as well as James'. I think it will just add such a different dynamic to the story, and I'm really excited about it! I loved the direction this chapter took, it wasn't about James (in fact, he was barely mentioned), but instead about her friendship with Severus. Which is exactly what she'd realistically be thinking about after what happened.
Snape sending her 37 letters is exactly what i'd expect from him. He loved lily, and would try anything to get forgiveness from her. But I also really feel for Lily, she could see as plain as day what was happening to her friend and what darkness he was getting involved in, but she also knew she couldn't do anything to stop it.

Your writing is really, really good, and I'm excited to read on!

Rosiful
Slytherin House Cup 2015

Author's Response: Ultimately POV-switching became a huge part of this story, particularly as between James and Lily because I didn't think a pair who started this far apart could be close enough to be described well enough from one perspective (especially given how deep we have to dive into the change in both of them to make things as real as I wanted).

Thanks for your kind words!


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Review #15, by rosiful Ain't No Sunshine

12th July 2015:
Firstly, I'd like to apologise for how bad/nonsensical my reviews are probably going to be... I'm really tired right now!

But onto the story, I have a feeling already that this is going to be an awesome story. I never read Marauders stories, or Jily fics, so I'm very excited to see your version of what their relationship would realistically look like. I love how you've written James Potter, he is exactly how I imagine him to be in my head, with all the right traits, but a few extra as well. I like that you haven't made him be completely in love with Lily straight away. Asking her out and annoying her was more a game than anything, so it will be very interesting to see how this relationship grows and develops!

I also love his interaction with Tinka, he's not the nicest with her, but he is definitely several leaps up compared to the Malfoys and Dobby!

Rosiful
Slytherin House Cup 2015

Author's Response: First off - they are NOT bad/nonsensical. Hopefully you'll excuse my responses as I'm not particularly adept at them in every instance, but I always do my best!

I'm very glad you're excited about the story and the characterization. One of the things I wanted to make very clear about James that his falling for Lily is very much a long-term process. Even now, when he does fall for her early, you'll see as the story wears on that this is less hard a fall than it seems to be at first, and that it's only later that he REALLY goes for her.

As for Tinka, the Potters are actually quite kind to her - though James is a little harsher than usual in this instance because of his thoughts and mood. :)


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Review #16, by pointless_proclamations Words of Wisdom

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 - Slytheirn

The father-son dynamic between Francis and James is remarkable in it's being incredibly realistic. The conversation between them contained the most precious bits of comedy. I think it did well to show the playful side of the father-son dynamic. The complexities of the characters in this wonderful story of yours is always amazing to read. I am rather partial to reading about family dynamics, so this scene between Francis and James came to be quite dear to me. I ABSOLTUELY ADORE THIS. They way James described Lily was wonderful. I really liked that he just trailed off as if he could talk for ages about the numerous qualities of hers he adores. It's adorable. Francis's advice was both clever and cleverly written. He's got a strong paternal quality to him that's fantastic to read. Ah, and here we are! Those words that seem like a major turning point in James's life. I couldn't help but read it over and over again, honestly. IT IS JUST SO WELL-WRITTEN.

Author's Response: Ahh the father-son bit. I wanted to incorporate more of the family dynamics in the story, but ultimately haven't been able to pull it off as frequently/thoroughly as I wanted the way the story ended up flowing out of me.

As for James...he's in the deepest throes of his crush on Lily at this point and very ready to wax on and on about her :p I'm interested to see what you think of the shifts in James's thoughts and feelings as the story progresses.

Thanks so much for all the great reviews!


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Review #17, by pointless_proclamations The End of the Line

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 - Slytherin

KEVIN!! YES FOR BOTH JAMES AND LILY'S POV!! This is incredibly exciting. I love that Lily's line of thought possesses so much depth. The flow of her thought process is extremely natural. I think you've gotten into her head incredibly well! Her feelings regarding him are conveyed so well by your emotionally effective style of narration. I admire how that, despite the fact that this is third person, from James and Lily's POV, you vary the voice. It is incredible and definitely serves as a clever way to get readers in tune to the mentality of each character when it's their turn to be put in the literary spotlight. You unify these first two chapters neatly by bringing both their thoughts to May. Lily is so eloquent in her letter. I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THE LETTER! I have this massive urge to pick her up from your story and smother her with hugs because, you've done it, you've made her so easy to empathise with. Another wonderful chapter!

Author's Response: Haha, I knew based on what I wanted to do that it was going to be crucial to get "both sides of the story" so to speak - and there are some other POVs too that you'll hopefully enjoy. Though there's a lot that I ultimately want to edit about Lily in the first half of the story (mainly creating more scenes where she's interacting with broader range of people, since her flashpoints with James don't quite make her come off as kind as canon (at least not consistently).

But I'm glad you liked the letter and the establishment of separate voices, as I am a firm believer that doing so is wildly crucial, even in third-person - so it's encouraging that you thought I managed it.

Thanks!


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Review #18, by Diogenissa Words of Wisdom

12th July 2015:
Hufflepuff House Cup Review 2015!


Howday Howday Howday!


WELL here I am YET AGAIN! Take 3 and Kevin this is a really good story (I mean seriously--I'm going to put it on my reading list--I am enjoying it a lot)!

The first impression I wish to share in conveying the overall, general sentiment is---*drumroll*

Like father, like son >:-P Hehe based from the get-go of their conversation, it doesn't seem too hard to figure out where James gets it from! *lol* But that is also a good thing because it also allows for Mr. Potter to be able to relay what he needs to help his son in his moment of uncertainty.

I very much enjoyed the interaction between them as well as the wisdom in which Mr. Potter gave to him and unfortunately for our fearless hero, Dad's right! I absolutely love the elder Potter's frank honesty and keen observations of James' reactions. It will be most interesting to see what James does with it!

Another beautiful, brilliant chapter. Thank you! :-)

Karen xoxo


(P.S. -- I get the 'howdys' from my Dad--he still uses it. And he's not from Texas either but SE Missouri :-P ).

Author's Response: You are quite right about the like-father-like-son bit. Though Francis is obviously MUCH older than his son at this point, he (unlike many people as they get older) hasn't lost touch with who he was and still retains some of that playfulness as an adult (even in the important role he holds).

Ultimately one of my regrets is not being able to figure a way to include more of this dynamic as a fixture in the story, but they pop up together again I assure you and hopefully you'll like it when they do ;)


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Review #19, by pointless_proclamations Ain't No Sunshine

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 - Slytherin

I have been wanting to get to reading this story for a while now, so here I finally am! You start off with a good laugh at James's sarcastic retort. And then another. And another. This is an absolutely beautiful portrayal of James Potter. The style of narrative works brilliantly. James and Tinka's relationship is adorable. It really shows that you've thought out James's character well. Within the first few paragraphs of this story, he's already shown to be a multi-dimensional character and that bit of realism is amazing. Then you begin to introduce what makes James tick. I admit, I have not read many James/Lily stories, I am immensely curious about this story. I love how you've given us context--timeline-wise--so naturally. Your author's note warrants a fist pump, I think. Relationships treated seriously? Slow burn? Believable? SWEET SALAZER, YES! I'm already writing a eulogy for my feelings. I am so eager to continue reading on!! :D

Author's Response: Howdy Em!

While my OTP is Harry/Ginny (though I've only written the death of it in terms of a ship-centric fic) James/Lily is a VERY close second - so I've DEFINITELY given loads of thought to those two. If you carry on you'll definitely find that the slow burn isn't a lie. I'm writing Chapter 46 at the moment and we're still at least a couple of months (and I'm not even sure yet how many chapters that will wind up being :p) from James/Lily actually becoming a couple. As for the relationships - I hope I've pulled that off. One of them admittedly took a different turn than I planned on, but I think it played out appropriately - hopefully others will agree...

Thanks for the stupendous review!


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Review #20, by SunshineDaisies The End of the Line

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Hufflepuff

LOVED THIS CHAPTER. Lily is my favorite character by a long shot, and you've done so well with her here! I think her reaction to the 'incident' is so perfect, because it wasn't just about the word, it's about what's behind it. I love that Lily is in touch with herself enough to figure that out. Her letter to Snape was perfect. Every single word in it was true, and was so in character. She's a character who symbolizes love, a woman who obviously values that before anything else; of course she would be disgusted by hate. It makes perfect sense that she would sever ties with him completely.

I also really liked that she only mentioned James in passing, and didn't spend any time reflecting on him. He isn't really on her radar yet, just a really persistent annoyance. Definitely on point there.

This is a lovely start, I'll be back for more! :)

Author's Response: Thank you! As I've said, I don't know that I've nailed her perfectly in other places due to needing to feature her more in differing contexts, but I'm encouraged every time I hear from folks that they felt this severance with Severus was handled properly in tone, words, and emotion as well.

And you're absolutely right that James is NOWHERE on Lily's radar except as a nuisance (and will stay that way for some time, since I'm writing Chapter 46 right now and they're still some number of chapters - and 2-3 months in time away from dating :p)

Thanks for R&R-ing!


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Review #21, by Diogenissa The End of the Line

12th July 2015:
Hufflepuff House Cup Review 2015!


Howday the Second!

See--toldya I was coming back >:-P

And now we turn attention to our lovely heroine in her first moments.


Oh Lily Lily! My heart is totally breaking here :*( . I can't even begin to imagine just how hard that was for her to write. The emotions here are both raw and real, so much so that I had to wipe my eyes a little. I can't blame her for her pain, as it seemed to me that while being called a mudblood was (obviously) very painful, Snape's changing overall pained her far more deeply. It was something that no matter how much time passes, that she knows will stay with her for the rest of her life, a wound that will never 100% heal. Nevertheless, she is doing what she feels she must do.

The tears that fell onto the page is what really got me and truly made me look at her in a new way. Like James, you nailed her character 110% on and I love how much personality she has, as well as how you also brought out her Gryffindor bravery--making a necessary break like that takes a hell of a lot more strength than I think people realize.

Again lovely descriptions (and Frederick too!)! I am really loving this Kevin--good job on yet ANOTHER fantastic chapter and I hope you enjoyed this review also!

Karen xoxo

Author's Response: I definitely felt for Lily here too, but for me there was no question that Lily would ultimately decide to cut loose from her friendship with Snape with firm finality during this summer. You're right that she can't forget it, or do it easily, but knew it had to be done.

While Lily's is a characterization that I think I'll need to come back and work on better displaying in the first half of the story, I'm glad you are enjoying it and hope you continue to do so!


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Review #22, by SunshineDaisies Ain't No Sunshine

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Hufflepuff

Taking a page out of Karen's book:) I've actually meant to read this for ages, despite the fact that I know they both date other people pretty seriously, and that might actually kill me. I've decided to power through because I am actually very interested in reading about relationships falling apart, and other ones growing instead.

I think you've done really well with your characterization of James! You've shown a bit of his kinder side, a bit of playfullness, and the fact that he's a bully. It's not a super easy balance to achieve, and often he turns into a demon or a saint (depending on the ship the author's going for.) I also really love that James reads the newspaper! It definitely suits him, especially going straight for the Quidditch section.

I'm so looking forward to more of his development, and to see what you do with Lily! :)

Author's Response: Howdy howdy! Thanks for the review!

I'm interested to see what you think about James's characterization as the story progresses and how I've maintained that balance. There are some aspects of he and Lily's characterizations in the first half of this story that I think need tweaking (there's always something for editing later, right?), but hopefully it's still solid and I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far here!


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Review #23, by The Ghost Of His Last Laugh Words of Wisdom

12th July 2015:
Hi again!
THIS CHAPTER IS SO CUTE. I would never, ever expect James to talk about girl problems with his dad. Ever. But it works so well! You definitely accomplished pushing him towards maturity, as well as exploring his family relationships. His father is also very wise. I never really thought much about James' family, since there is literally no mention of them in the books, but I like to think of his dad like this. I really like how they're still kind of distant, but James is willing to talk to his dad when he needs it. Very well done, again. :)

-Joanie
Slytherin House Cup 2015

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! James definitely needed the push and I wanted to cover family dynamics in the story too (which I don't get to do as much as I'd like, but I try). As far as his dad goes, I hope you'll discover if you carry on that his relationship with his dad is not so much distant as that though James has not been unloved by any means, and certainly spoiled, he's definitely had to play second-fiddle in terms of attention on more than one occasion to his dad's career.

Glad you're enjoying it and thanks for the reviews!


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Review #24, by The Ghost Of His Last Laugh The End of the Line

11th July 2015:
Hello again! Another very good chapter. I really enjoyed hearing Lily's thoughts about Severus, rather than about James. I wouldn't expect her to be thinking about James after her best friend called her a mudblood, so I thought this chapter was really refreshing. I like the idea of Severus sending all those letters, as well. He's so desperate for Lily that sending thirty seven letters is totally something I see him doing. Honestly, your characterization is just so spot on I am really jealous of your writing skills right now. Moving on to the next!

- Joanie
Slytherin House Cup 2015

Author's Response: Indeed, Lily still has a LONG way to go to thinking positively about James with any level of frequency, let alone consistency. And I definitely wanted to focus first on establishing Lily's thought process and character at the same time frame and through an impactful moment in her life, so I'm glad you though it was handled well!

Thanks so much again for the kind words!


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Review #25, by Diogenissa Ain't No Sunshine

11th July 2015:
Hufflepuff House Cup Review 2015!


Howday Kevin!

Betcha weren't expecting this were ya? Well I looked at our list and thought 'that man needs some LOVE too!'

I chose this because I've really been getting into both Jily and Snily both. I will be straight up honest that I am not a huge fan of James whatsoever BUT in some of the other stories I've read, he's been trying to prove himself differently. So we'll see how well he succeeds here! :-D

OMG You have his character 100% spot-ON--all the way to his rivalry with Snape, including his feelings and assumptions on him (which admittedly irritated me to no end, further proving how well you've got his character). However, What Mr. Man there needs to understand is that whatever Lily told him he brought on himself and he appears to (finally) understand this. This in a way seems a bit redeeming to me as it gives him something to think about, I mean seriously think about from now as the story progresses.

I also LOVED how descriptive you were! Nice and simple but beautifully appropriate words to describe both the house and breakfast (and honestly, I could smell the bacon and coffee)! The entire Quidditch thoughts in the paper, as well as the Gryffindor Quidditch team, amused me to no end (actually reminds me of when I was growing up, every morning first thing my dad had with his coffee was the sports page)!

Overall this was a really FUN opening chapter that really laid a good foundation, especially in regard to James and his initial character as he is at the present moment. I'm going to continue on here and see where it goes! Thank you SO much for a wonderful story and I hope you enjoyed your review!

Karen xoxo

Author's Response: Haha, I just about NEVER expect a new face to start reviewing this story just on account of how long it is and the fact that it's not completed, so you DEFINITELY surprised me. Snily, booo. But we'll ignore that. :)

James definitely embarks on a change as a result of his realization (kind of the crux of the entire first half of the story in fact) - so hopefully you'll see an appreciation for that. As you can probably tell already I'm definitely not a fan of the plots where Lily just "comes around" or goes from hate-to-love in 60 seconds with James, so you'll see him develop quite a bit I hope.

Thank you so much for the positive thoughts on the characterization and description!


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