Reading Reviews for Small Bump
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by HEG Chapter One

18th May 2014:
Hello there. I'm here for the review request.

Ok. I like this, it is very good but also very sad at the end. I think that the way you've built up all this happiness of the baby being all fantastic just makes it even sadder. The way you have used second person POV to show your emotions of Ron to the baby is also very effective. If you are planning to re write this I think that you should definetly keep that.

I think that when it says 'Would it be too fluffy if I named you after Harry?' then the 'Yeah it would' doesn't really suit the mood that you are trying to create in the story. 'Yeah it would' sounds a little humorous. However, if you were trying to create a slight light hearted humor to this then that was perfect.

Another thing that I spotted was you have put 'your momís delicious cooking' it should be 'mum' as 'mom' is an American word and the people in Harry Potter are British.

Ok, I'm going to be blunt with you here, I don't think that this sentence: 'When Hermioneís body gets over the stress from the war' really works because I like the way that you hae used second person POV throughout the one shot to create emotions both happy and sad but this sentence does not feel deep enough for me. You need to make me FEEL what Ron is feeling. You have done that in every other sentence bar that last tiny bit.

I really like this though and I am looking forwards to seeing what goes on in your re write!

HEG

Author's Response: Hi HEG!

I'm so sorry for the late response to your review.
Well yes, I am definitely going to keep the second POV and the plot in general will be untouched. I'm just thinking more of what I could add more to.

Since english is my third language, I don't know what's english and what's american - but thank you for the heads up.

I hope you mean the the way I phrased it wasn't what you liked, and not what it meant. Because that sentence gave the reason to why they lost their baby.

Anyway, thank you for your review.


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Review #2, by 800 words of heaven Chapter One

21st April 2014:
REVIEW TAG!

OMG I'M SITTING HERE CRYING. WHY WOULD YOU WRITE AN ENDING LIKE THAT?!?!?

Please don't take that the wrong way. I get very emotional sometimes. I actually really liked the ending. Having a baby is really exciting and scary, but life really is a very fragile thing, and things can go wrong. It's awfully horrible when it does, but I'm really glad that you included it. It added a great sense of realism to the piece, and of course, even more emotional weight *wipes tears off keyboard*

Lovely story! May I request a happier sequel? ;)

Author's Response: Hi!

Haha, don't worry. I won't take it the wrong way :) It makes me happy that you're crying *evil laughter* Nah, just kidding. Well, I guess you haven't heard the song, but the poor little fetus is actually lost in the end. So, to follow the song through and through, I had to make Hermione lose the baby.
Not the best ending, but I'm actually better at writing sad or twisted endings, so I guess the song was just perfect for me :b

I'm sorry I made you cry *tries to give to you a virtual hug but finds myself awkwardly hugging the laptop*

Hehe, a happier sequel? I wonder if I can manage to pull that off without a plot twist in the end? :b I'll think about it.

I love your reviews! They always make me happy :)
- Avi


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Review #3, by LG655 Chapter One

1st February 2014:
Oh. My. Goodness.
That was so touching. I even shed a couple tears. I knew it was coming, but it still gets me every time.
I liked how you had Ron talk to the "small bump". That was cute. I also liked how you incorporated some of the lyrics into his speech. I noticed. ;)
Are you up for constructive criticism? I think, maybe you should've added a bit more description, to Ron's speech, or to when Hermione woke up?
But, other than that, I loved it! (:

xox,
LG

Author's Response: Hi!

Ah, I'm so glad you liked it!

Yes! I was thinking the exact same thing! I've been wondering whether or not I should add more to the story, more to the details of his dreams and more details about the child and his feelings.
I should add more to Hermione... hmm. I'll add more and post it this month!

Thank you so much for your review!

Hugs
- Lostmyheart


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Review #4, by LightLeviosa5443 Chapter One

22nd January 2014:
Oh my goodness!

This story was so beautiful and powerful and I really loved what you did with the song. When I first saw that you had gotten that one I was a little intrigued as to what you would do with it, as it is rather sad. I really liked that you made it from Ron's perspective, and that you had him talking mentally to the "small bump".

You did a fantastic job of integrating the song. Really, truly, I loved it! You're great competition, good luck :)

xoxo LL

Author's Response: Hi!

Aw thank you! I'm so glad to hear that you liked it. Means so much to me.
I actually wrote a different story but decided to re-write the whole thing because I didn't feel the story matched the song. So I decided to listen to the song non-stop while writing and this story happened :)

Yes it is a sad song, but I absolutely love the upbeat rhythm of it, so I tried to keep Ron as positive as possible.

I can't wait to read you version of Kiss Me - also an incredible song!

Thank you so much for reviewing! It made my day!
Love,
- A


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Review #5, by Fonzzx Chapter One

22nd January 2014:
OH MY GOD I AM DEAD. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? WHY?

Author's Response: Uhm...That's what the song was about.

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