Reading Reviews for Double-Oh Potter
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by maraudertimes Double-Oh Potter

31st January 2014:
Hiya! Review tag!

This was really cute. I can definitely see James Potter II doing something like that. Your characterization of him was really good and I really liked him, as well as his interactions with his cousins.

The plot was amazing and the way you wrote this was superb as well. Until we found out that Dominique and Professor Ryan were... well, you know, I thought Professor Ryan really was hatching some sort of dastardly devious plan. You had me on the edge of my seat near the end there, so good job! I also really liked the spying nature that James demonstrated.

The one thing that I noticed was that you have inconsistency with your verb tense. For example, in this paragraph, the verb tense fluctuates from present to past quite often:
"For nearly an hour the observer waited, tucked away once more in the shadows. Finally the professor emerged from the room, looked around furtively again and leaves. He's wearing an odd, satisfied smile on his face. Wavering for a moment between looking in the room and following the suspicious man, he finally gave in, sparing the door one last glance and hurrying to keep up with his quarry. Upon arrival at the professor's quarters he rethinks the decision but the clock is chiming curfew and rounds of prefects and professors begins soon so he slinks away, determining he is done only for the night."
Maybe just have a look through of your verb tense?

Other than that, this was really well written and the suspense was definitely there. The little quips about Voldemort and Professor Longbottom really lent an air of reality to the piece and your writing style is sublime.

Great job!

Author's Response: James Potter II is quickly becoming one of my favorite next-gen characters! He's only featured peripherally in my previous stories but he was always so entertaining I just had to give him his own story.
This story was actually inspired by a line in my short-story "Hey Lucy", when Lorcan and Lucy make a comment about James being 'Double-Oh Potter', dashing spy. Just made sense to set it at Hogwarts.

I don't know about amazing but I enjoyed crafting it! ♥ I'm glad you think so though.

Verb tenses. Tenses and I do NOT get along. I have a habit of doing that, thank you for pointing it out. I need to go back and edit this.

Thank you for leaving such a nice review! I appreciate it :)

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Review #2, by Aphoride Double-Oh Potter

24th January 2014:
Hey there - stopping by from the review tag on the forums! :)

So I really loved this! As soon as I saw this on your page, I knew I just had to read it - I adore murder mysteries/mysteries in general, so this is exactly my kind of fic. I was really surprised by the reveal and, well, let's just say what was up with Professor Ryan, but that just makes it even better!

(On another note, I am completely surprised that I'm the first person to review this. Like seriously. I'm assuming everyone else got lost on the way or something because this seriously deserves more reviews...)

I love James' character in this. How he's clever but puts no effort into his schoolwork, but lots when he thinks there's a chance something's in. His tailing Professor Ryan suggests he's both observant and talented and good at tracking and stealth and things... I loved his reaction, as well! It was such a typical teenage boy response, you know? It really fitted him so well, and was so realistic.

In fact, all your characters were great! They were all so realistic and different from each other, with their own characteristics and pretty well developed for a one-shot!

The plot and mystery was so well done! I loved how you didn't end it with the reveal and included the last scene - it was so funny! Your writing as well, is gorgeous. It flows so well and your dialogue is really, really good!

Just a couple of small things! Firstly, in a formatting thing - if you're writing online with a line between each paragraph, like I'm doing in this review, then you don't need an indentation at the beginning of each line ;) It's not that big a deal though, just a technical thing. The other thing is that this sentence gets a bit confusing: "...but the observer was too clever for him. He muttered something..." I know what you mean, but since you've written 'the observer' beforehand, then 'he' refers to 'the observer' not Professor Ryan. I was a bit confused, but worked it out from context, but I thought I'd let you know anyway :)

So yeah, apart from those little things, this was really, really great! I'm so glad I read this - I really enjoyed it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: This review has absolutely made my day ♥

It's a brand new piece! So hopefully it will be discovered by other soon enough :)
I had SO much fun writing the first draft. Which this version mostly resembles. James is one of my favorite next-gen characters so it was exciting to feature him.

I'm so glad you liked my characters! I've got an entire version in my head of how the next-gen characters turn out and I'm happy that they translate as well developed.

As for formatting, I don't change any of my formatting when I post, so it's whatever was in my processor. I don't think I'll ever take the time to change it :P
And the other bit, about that sentence, I'll probably edit this at some point, I usually read through it a few months after I post and realize I've missed a few things so I'll make note of it and try to fix it.



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