Reading Reviews for At Midnight
  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nott theodore Mirage

24th September 2014:
Hi Gabbie! I'm here for our review swap (sorry it's a bit later than expected)! I've heard a lot about your writing as well, and the unusual set-ups and situations, so I was excited for this swap!

This story intrigued me from the very opening of the chapter. When it became apparent that the scene was going to be between Teddy and Molly I was really interested, because I've never seen a story that casts the two of them together with any sort of romantic links. And then you started off with an extremely original characterisation of Teddy, which made this chapter even more interesting to me!

I'm actually not really sure how I feel about Teddy here. He was so mean and bitter, and I'm intrigued about the reasons why, although I do wonder if the fact that he's grown up without parents has anything to do with it. But I thought your portrayal of him was unusual and enjoyable - he's full of contradictions. He's so confident in his ability to attract women, but seems to feel that he's not really worth any of their attention - at least, that's what seemed to come across when he was trying to put Molly off. But at the same time he's so offensive in his defence and really awful to Molly, which seemed inexcusable. From what I've gleaned here, Molly's only sixteen and Teddy's a couple of years older, so he could at least try and be considerate to her feelings and the fact that she's probably a lot more sensitive than he is. Particularly if he knows her well already and should be aware of the fact that she won't take his stinging comments well. Having said that, he does clearly have some issues and things that he has to deal with - experiences which have made him behave this way. He's really intriguing, if not exactly likeable!

Molly was also interesting to read! For someone who's sixteen years old, she seemed older in some ways and younger in others, which I think fits well with most people that age. I felt so sorry for her as I read about the way Teddy treated her when she revealed her feelings for him, because it was really unfair - he just didn't seem to stop, and to hear all those things about herself from someone she really likes is just so difficult to experience. Her insecurities were really highlighted and emphasised because of the conversation here, and they helped to flesh her out and make her very realistic, particularly for a girl of her age. I also liked the way that she put up with quite a lot from Teddy and kept trying to make him see that he didn't have to be that way, which makes sense because of her feelings for him, but then she eventually snaps and slaps him. I kind of want to cheer for her there because she's already put up with a lot more than I'd have listened to :P

As far as CC goes, I would suggest just reading this through slowly a couple of times maybe, as there are a couple of sentences that feel a little stilted at times. For example:
'But it was only one of hundreds of Ministry gatherings that she had attended over the years but this one had truly sparked her interest.'
This sentence would flow a little better without the first 'But', I think. They aren't big problems, just little phrasing issues that disrupt the flow a little.

Hmm, this stranger - who we finally find out is called Ethan - is very intriguing! It takes quite a bit to go up and break up a fight, especially if you don't know either of the people involved, and I'm intrigued about him. Does he actually like Molly, or does he have ulterior motives? I thought you wrote that scene between them really well and I could certainly sense Molly's confusion but excitement at the same time. It was written very convincingly.

One of the other things that I liked a lot about this chapter was some of the background to Molly and her family that you managed to weave into the rest of the narrative. I know that a lot of your stories are connected, so I recognise the Audrey you include here as one you've written about in another story, but I really like those sorts of details, and the idea of why Molly is who she is. It's great to get all of the information there that builds up to a bigger picture of who Molly is.

This was a really enjoyable chapter of the story, and I thought your idea and your characterisation was very original! Thank you very much for the swap!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for stopping by with this awesome review, I really enjoyed our swap too! :)

I honestly have no idea why more people don't write about Molly in general, let alone having an interest in Teddy. I think it's sort of unfair, there are hardly any stories about her on the archives that really give her a role. I think that she and Roxanne are usually sort of pushed aside, which is why I gave each of them their own little fic. :)

I don't think a lot of people know what to make of Teddy and I'm really not sure what to do with himself myself most of the time. Hahaha. I think that he has a mind of his own and it's really fun to write a character that's so unlikeable. You have no idea how many people have commented on how he behaves in my other story, "Transparent". This is actually tame. Hahahaha.

Anyway, Teddy does have a lot of issues here that I wanted to hint at. He's not at all what he pretends to be but he's not exactly completely a liar either, if there's one thing that I like about him, it's that he's actually very honest. While he was being mean to Molly, he was actually pointing out a lot of things that she would have rather ignored.

Molly on the other hand is very difficult to write. I didnt' want her to appear older than her yeas or too young so I'm glad that that came across well. I think that she has a lot more strength in her than she's willing to admit but yes, she's got a lot of patience to deal with Teddy. I would have destroyed him three times over. Hahahaha.

Oh, the CC's...

Ethan is making a grand appearance in this chapter! I'm not sure what's going to happen with him after I finish up the third chapter but he's rather interesting, isn't he? I won't give anything away. :3

I'm glad that you liked the details about her family! I tried to include a little bit here and there just to keep you guys grounded in my universe. :D

Thanks a lot for the review!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #2, by Penelope Inkwell Mirage

24th September 2014:
Okay, so, first of all, we have Teddy.

I am torn about Teddy. And I think that is perhaps what you intended. He is a jerk. No two ways about it. I feel bad for him, a few times, because obviously he’s got some issues if he thinks he has no potential, but it doesn’t excuse the way he treats Molly (by the way, points to Molly for standing up to him!).

However, despite the fact that he phrases it cruelly, I get the feeling that he’s being pretty truthful. I can definitely believe that Molly is attracted to him because he’s a known entity, and because she normally feels comfortable around him. He’s familiar. And I can understand that she admires him particularly for having traits she wished she had, but you can’t achieve character growth through osmosis. She can’t become more the person she wants to be just by dating him. She has to make her own changes. Also, he really doesn’t seem like he *would* be good for her, nor she for him. Neither of them have a very good sense of self-worth, so I don’t think they’d balance each other at all. His disparaging comments about her appearance were awful. However (and this still doesn’t excuse him) perhaps she’d been left with a shred of hope, she’d have held onto him forever instead of finding a way to move on. So it could turn out for the best! I think you arranged all that very well.

Poor Molly. She needs to learn to appreciate her abilities more. She must be pretty darn amazing at the violin, because I think it’s the only thing she gave herself real credit for. I understand, though. When you get into a rut, sometimes you’re blind to your own skills, or they even look like flaws to you. Like when "Molly found herself apologizing, knowing that all of her years as being the daughter of an Undersecretary demanded that she save face. It was a personality flaw that she didn't really thank her father for but she couldn't help trying to preserve her image.” That isn’t necessarily a flaw. Having the tact and sensitivity to defuse an uncomfortable situation is a real skill. It sounds like just doesn’t always want to care so much about how she’s perceived, and she does need to give herself a bit of a break on that front. But it would be good for her to realize what she does have, rather than harping about what she doesn’t. That’s a very realistic problem to have, though, and I think you’ve captured it in a way that allows us to sympathize, and which urges us to cheer Molly on in the process of her development and growth. I’ve just met her, but already I just want her to love herself better! I’m rooting for her!

It looks like you’ve hidden lots of references to other stories of yours in this one, which is cool. I’ve not read them all, but I was able to pick up on some things, and it was fun to see those little easter eggs. : )

I really enjoyed your description of the Weasley-Potters in the ballroom. We get to see glimpses of their personalities and it’s a good way to give us a chuckle after a section with a lot of strong emotional ups and downs. Good balance.

-

CC:

This does seem a little choppy--run-on sentences and the like. I really think having someone run through it with a grammar comb and just switching some words around would really help to polish it up and allow it to flow more naturally.

Some information gets shoehorned in a bit abruptly. For instance, "We've known each other for years, Freddie is my best friend and he's like an older brother to you so we've always spent a lot of time together.” It seems like background info that just comes at us a little fast, for convenience, and it’s a bit “tell-y” rather than “show-y”. There are a few places like that, and ironing them out is another small adjustment that will help your story to sparkle.
-

As always, I enjoy seeing what twist you bring to a story. I think I’m going to like Molly a lot. (By the way, loved seeing the Percy/Audrey cameo. I’m planning on going back to read the other chapters of This is Audrey Tang, just so you know!) Also, my Astoria is half Chinese, and your Molly is half Chinese. The evil twin connection is still going strong!

And this mysterious stranger. Ethan who? Where does he come from? I definitely want to know more about him, and about Molly as well.

Thanks so much for the swap!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for stopping by with this really awesome and helpful review. I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to get back to you though, real life is a major pain in my...well, you get my meaning.

Hahaha, you either love or hate Teddy. I did that on purpose of course since he's not really a very likeable character to begin with. If you had wanted to understand him a bit better, you can try reading his one-shot "Glass" or start reading my Dominique Weasley story, "Transparent".

Anyway, Teddy may have been telling Molly the truth that she had needed to hear. He's not the sort to mince words. I think that neither of them would have been good for the other, like you said, they would have had a rather rocky relationship. Ah, his comments about her looks were a low blow for him but Teddy's the sort to take advantage of a person's weaknesses and he was able to push Molly away without too much regret.

Molly would have wanted to hold onto Teddy but, well, it didn't work out the way she would have wanted. :(

I think the major flaw in Molly is that she doesn't realize how amazing she really is. It was something that I'd wanted to play around with since she's so different from my other female leads, there isn't a lot of confidence there. I think that a lot of girls her age feel this way though and it was fun to write.

There are a lot of references to my other stories in this one. Hahah. I've got "Abandon", "This is Audrey Tang", "Transparent" and a few others all mixed into this. Hahahha. To be fair, "Transparent" happens a year after this so I cheated a little.

Anyway, thanks for the CC's too. This isn't one of my more popular stories so I'm going to have to go through and edit it better. :D

Thanks a bunch, I hope you like Molly in the second chapter if you read it!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #3, by crestwood Illusion

1st September 2014:
I have to say, your descriptions are beautiful. The prose in this chapter deserves recognition on its own. You simply will not have the reader forgetting the setting and at no point are we confused about what Molly is feeling. You've really gotten her reactions penned down perfectly.

Something in me told me that Ethan was too good to be true. I mean, he's still perfect, but the age difference is quite large. Especially with Molly being so inexperienced. I mean, she's never really been kissed before! I understand that swept up in the moment, he might have overlooked the signs that she was so young, but they were there. She doesn't quite seem like an adult. Not that she isn't mature. She just has this naivety about her, which happens to be one of the things I like about her character. But the point is, he can't really continue this relationship any further without it shifting into a vaguely creepy territory and I think he knows that. Five years wouldn't be so important if it wasn't for the exact five years that separates them. For example 15 to 20 is a much larger gap, developmentally and maturity wise, than say 30 to 35. It's just a case of bad timing. If he does choose to continue this sort of thing they have going, it wont be entirely ethical on his part.

That said, it's a shame that it wouldn't because their chemistry is depicted so well here. It's clear that there's some deep attraction there and Ethan even says that he still wants her after the age bomb was dropped. He of course, didn't act on it any longer, but the connection is still there. What a way to wipe all memory of Teddy from Molly's mind! I'm not sure if it is the length of the chapters or what, but I will as though we've already been through quite a ride with these characters and we're only two chapters in! I can't wait to see what you have in store for the rest! Re-request soon!

Author's Response: Hello!

*Blush* You're way too nice to this old lad, your reviews are so sweet! I struggled a little bit in the first chapter but I think this one really got the ball rolling a lot better and I was more comfortable with Molly and Ethan by this point.

I think a lot of people thought that Ethan was too good to be true but I've heard that the age difference came as a shock. I had thought of making him ten years older but that would have been WAY too creepy so I settled on five, I was stretching it a little bit but it worked out all right. Hahaha.

Ethan wouldn't be able to continue their relationship without looking like a major pervert. The fact that he still wants her only makes this all the more difficult for them and you are right 15-20 is a major gap in the sense that Molly isn't emotionally ready for it and I'm glad that you managed to get a grasp of that.

Well, this story is only going to be about three or six chapters so if you're feeling like you're being put on a ride, that's done on purpose. Hahahahah. I promised another reviewer that I would add Teddy back into this story and I think that I might, just to add a bit more tension so I hope you stick around! :D

I just stuffed something new into your review thread so I hope to hear from you soon, yes? Its a different sort of plot too so I think you'll enjoy it!

Until then!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #4, by crestwood Mirage

31st August 2014:
Hey Gabbie!

I'm still so impressed with your efforts to keep all of your stories not only inside of one world, but so intricately connected. At least of the stories that I've read so far, Teddy is the sole connecting factor. He really gets around to tormenting everyone, doesn't he?

You have really written such a consistent character in him. It is certainly the same person that returns in each of these stories and he really brings out the best whoever he shares a scene with. For example, the way he slowly drove Molly to slap him across the face was remarkable. The anger seems very natural because the readers feels it right alongside her. Teddy has a way of constantly one-upping himself in terms of how mean he can get. Just when you think he'll lighten up a bit, he says another well-time destructive thing until we get a healthy dose of the emotionally charged rage that you write so well.

I must say, this new guy that we don't know the name of yet is.. interesting. Something about him kind of throws me off though, I don't know why. Maybe it just feels like he is very quick to latch onto Molly and she just happens to be from such an important family that something seems to be up? Maybe that isn't the case and I'm judging him too quickly. Either way, he does seem like a nice guy, whether it's all an act or not. I hope Molly finds someone for her that isn't Teddy because he clearly is not ready to a relationship. He always seems very unhappy with himself, even in the midst of insulting someone else.

This was a really good start to this! I tend to focus so heavily on characterization in my reviews for you because there is no actual like technical writing problems at all. You've got a wonderful balance of dialogue and description. The reader can always picture the scene. You flow at a steady pace, usually a slow one, but that doesn't bother me much. I like that you write such long conversations because they're actually important to the plot. It was necessary to have Teddy disrespect Molly the way that he did in order to show us so much of both of their personalities within this chapter. I thought the pace was necessary, especially for such an expository chapter.

Author's Response: Hello again!

Thanks for stopping by with these amazing reviews, they're beyond lovely. I haven't been able to really delve as deeply as I would like into my universe, there are still over a dozen other stories that I'd like to write but I try to keep them as connected as possible.

I don't think that Teddy really changes all that much from story to story. Hahah. I think that most of the ones that feature him are showing the worst sides of being that lonely and I'm glad that he always stays with you! To be honest, this story happens in the same general time slot as "Transparent" and I might mention that at some point. Now, in my other stories, "Transparent" is actually three years behind some of the others so you're really reading about a past Teddy Lupin, especially if you start reading "Abandon" or some of my other work. Anyhoo, Molly was going to slap him one way or another and I think that it was well-deserved.

Hahahah, I think everyone says the same thing about Ethan at some point. I won't give it away though! Molly will find love elsewhere, Teddy has his own journey to take so I hope you continue to read on!

Thanks so much for the review! You're amazing!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #5, by mymischiefmanaged Mirage

28th August 2014:
Hi Gabbie!

So so sorry about the delay. I don't know what happened but I somehow haven't got around to keeping up with my review thread. Anyway, here now!

Okay, I'll start with some of the things I really liked:

1. Teddy Lupin. I'm going to be honest, I don't think I've ever read a story I didn't like him in, but you've set Teddy up to be a really interesting character and his dialogue is great. I hope you don't later turn him into a straight out bad guy, because I actually thought there were some really nice touches here that showed in some ways he DOES care about Molly. He's being horrid to her but he's also talking everything through with her and being honest. It's quite sibling-ish as a discussion and I love that.

2. On a related note, Molly slapping Teddy. It saves her from being a bit overly timid and dull. I'm so glad you gave her a temper! I'm really enjoying what we've seen of her character so far, and the slap just solidified all the things I liked :)

3. Another fab thing about Molly - her not understanding how her family manages the reporters. It's a really nice touch that fits in well with what we already know about her.

4. Roxanne shimmying with George. Don't think I need to say much more than that :)

5. Also Roxanne being Molly's closest friend in the family. I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with the two of them, given that they're often less used characters in huff

So in general, I think you've chosen a fascinating main character and have set up enough other interesting figures to give her a really great storyline. You've got some little touches in here that make the chapter original and it's definitely got the makings of a great story.

You said to give an honest opinion about whether it's boring. I definitely wouldn't think 'boring' is the right word, but having read some of your other work I would say this isn't the best you can do. It's got all the key features of being really great but I don't think it flows as well as your writing often does.

One thing I think you could do to make it easier to read is to cut down the length quite a lot? It feels very long for a first chapter which makes it quite daunting to read and might be why it's not as popular as your other stories.

You have a lot of spare words, especially in some of your descriptive passages. Lots of these passages are fantastic (like the interior of the ball), but some of them feel like you've realised you should probably add some description and have forced it in. You could improve the pacing of the chapter by cutting some of the descriptions that don't contribute to the plot or character development.

Another thing to improve the flow would be to really make sure you're showing and not telling. When you describe how Fred's like Molly's brother, and when you tell us that her Mother's Chinese, it feels like you're rushing to get back story out of the way, rather than letting it naturally be revealed through the story. I wouldn't usually mention it, but again, I've read lots of your other work and it's not a problem you usually have, so I'm sure if you did come back and edit you'd be able to improve this.

I think that's all I really have to say. I think this review's come off sounding more negative than I mean it to. The negative things I've mentioned aren't big problems. I've only gone into detail because of the concerns you raised in your request. I think this is a really good opening to a story that has a lot of potential. There are just a few ways it could flow better and become amazing, and I know as a writer you're definitely capable of pulling them off.

I hope this is helpful! PM me if there's anything you want to ask about. I really did enjoy reading this, feel free to rerequest for chapter two.

Much love,

Emma x

Author's Response: HELLO!

Its great to see you stopping by and I'm replying to your review a lot sooner due to the fact that I'm actually not busy for once! Awesome!

Now, on to this! I've had a lot of people comment on Teddy Lupin in this story and how different he is from what they've read in the past but I honestly don't understand how this side of him hasn't been done before. I think that's really odd! I wouldn't say that Teddy is a straight up BAD guy but he's not very pleasant to be around and from reading "Transparent" you should know that he only gets worse.

I'm glad that you picked up on Teddy actually pointing out some honest facts to Molly, I think he cares about her but it came off in the wrong way.

Molly is Audrey's daughter, that slap was going to happen. Hahahahha. Also, she's very shy and her parents don't really like reporters so that's probably why she doesn't understand how the rest of her family is able to deal with them.

Roxanne and Molly are two characters we never see very often at all in fanfics. I don't understand why and because I've made their parents so close, it makes sense that they would be best friends and plus, their differences are what make them fun to write!

A lot of my chapters, especially the first ones are sort of long for some reason. I'm not sure why...I think the first chapter for Transparent is over 8000 words and I have no idea how that happened. I had actually meant to cut down on this chapter but there were things that I had wanted to write and it turned out being its own miniature monster. D':

As for the details that you pointed out that might need to be taken out...this story was supposed to be a one-shot. When I thought about making it into a story, I had wanted to actually have Fred and a few other people arriving but that didn't quite work out. I was building up to something that didn't actually happen so it really aggravated me, to be honest. Hahahaha.

Thanks so much for your review, its really helped me. I wasn't really sure if I even wanted to continue this story after the second chapter but thanks so much! Its not nearly as popular as my other stories and not exactly on their level and I feel like I might need to scrap the entire thing and start fresh? I don't know but its been sort of bothering me lately and if I don't do that then I might actually make another short story with Molly and do her justice.

Anyhoo, thanks so much for the review again and I just put in a request for chapter two, I hope you enjoy it!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #6, by TidalDragon Illusion

23rd July 2014:
Hello again!

I had been kind of wondering what the deal was with Molly and this "older" guy and how much older he was and we did get there. The lingering question of course is whether this is actually the end...

As far as the details, I again thought this got sloggy. I am thinking having read two chapters that it's because Molly has so much going on in her mind (which makes sense for a Ravenclaw) and so you're writing in all that material that is slowing the pace down considerably. I think I'd try to drill in on her most critical thoughts and feelings. While I know she has a lot, culling them a little (even if just in terms of sentence length) could actually be a boon because it can amplify the sense that Molly is really caught in something of a maelstrom of emotions.

The only other thing I noticed was that "angel" was used as a term of endearment an awful lot. Maybe a little bit less of that early on in the chapter would be nice.

In any event, you've done another strong job of portraying yet another member of the Next Generation Weasley brood, all while making her distinctive in her own way.

Hope the reviews were helpful!

Author's Response: Hello!

Back again, for more? Haha. Why on earth did you read more of this, you silly person? I kind of figured from your first review that you didn't care for this story much so I was pretty surprised to see this second review. How dare you play with my emotions in such a way! Back into the abyss with yeh!

Anyhoo: We did come to learn that Ethan's a few years older than Molly, I had thought of making him ten years older but that came off a bit too creepy and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get away with it. Plus, it wouldn't have been believable for a thirty something man to not be able to notice that she was only fifteen. Hahaha. Its still sort of hard to believe that Ethan is almost twenty and confused Molly for a woman when she's still Hogwart's age but that's a fault in my own writing. I'll admit it, darn you!

I am a person who loves detail and I know that it tends to slow down chapters but I feel like they're necessary and plus--things that I mention will show up later on in my stories in some way--and it was a good way for me to, once again get in the groove of Ethan (Cause...I had no idea what to do with him after the first chapter) and Molly. I wanted to give subtle hints on what their relationship could be like IF things hadn't gone so terribly. As most things in my stories tend to when it comes to my female leads. Hahahahah. >:)

I'm not sure if I'll cut back on some things that go through Molly's mind but I might, just for you since you are telling me these things and are my superior. Hahaha.

I probably should have made a point of mentioning that Ethan was making fun of Molly by calling her angel and plus, I just like thinking of what his voice sounds like when he says it. For some reason, he sounds like Southern and I have no idea why that makes me giggle. *Ahem*

I'm not sure if you'll even see Ethan in the next chapter, this isn't the end but I'm getting close to it. Hahahah. I might only do one more chapter after this to tie things up because I have another story to look after and one that I've been avoiding for almost two months. Hahaha.

Thanks for liking my little spin on the Next Gen characters and I hope you'll stop by for more if you like. Just be warned, there shall be no escape.

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #7, by TidalDragon Mirage

23rd July 2014:
Howdy! Following through on my penance for being late.

I was intrigued from reading Glass about exactly what had transpired between Teddy and Molly, which made this story a natural choice from your Author's Page.

I'll confess at the top that I found this fairly sloggy. For someone with the personality that you described Molly as having nearly from the word go, it seems surprising that she would linger as long as she did in the interaction with Teddy. Perhaps it's the amount of her observations and the detail you give her thoughts that seem to really drag out what is actually a short time, but it just felt very lengthy, especially given what Teddy was saying.

I also wasn't sure about introducing Ethan so quickly. I definitely liked what he added in the center of the story, but bringing it around at the end, with Molly thinking of him so much and them eventually even kissing just felt quite fast for someone who had been so mercilessly rejected by someone she claimed to love.

As usual, the elements of your writing were exceptional, between the varied and detailed characterizations and the skill with which you handle description and internal thoughts, but the pace and final plot point of this chapter detracted for me.

Author's Response: HEllO!

See, I wish that you had told me that you were so interested in reading this story after looking at Glass but I didn't think that this was your cup of tea. And apparently that proved to be true on some points! Hahaaha.

I had never really thought of writing this as anything more than a one-shot but the ending I chose sort of forced my hand a bit. It was supposed to be just a story about heartbreak and Molly coming into her own and trying to be a better person but it ended up becoming something entirely different. I have no idea why.

Molly is a lot different from how I've written Dom and my other female characters and God help you if you ever check those out. I have a feeling you'll despise them...

Hahhaha. D':

Anyway, Molly is the sort of person that sees good in everyone, even if its obviously not there. That was why she had stayed with Teddy for so long after he had ripped her heart open, she thought that she could change him. In fact, she has the female equivalent of White Knight Syndrome (You know, that thing where guys are always trying to save the "bad girl" because they want to be the hero?) and so that was something that I played around with.

The opening of this and why its a bit lengthy is because I had wanted to get a better grasp of Molly while I was writing. I tend to just write instead of fleshing my characters out first and this was more of a test to see what I needed out of her character so...my apologies? Hahaha.

This is my version of a fairy tale and trust me, Ethan wasn't supposed to be in this story at all originally. He just sort of happened...like a kick to the knee. Okay, you won't be able to look at the first three chapters but one of my stories, "This is Audrey Tang: The Bad Taste" is similar in its attraction at first sight. In that story, Molly's mother and Percy are sort of caught up in a whirlwind of desire and I sort of played off of that.

AND, I think Molly was feeling so down and so helplessly drawn to Ethan that that kiss was going to happen regardless. And she also admits that her feelings for Teddy weren't what she thought they were, cause I'm evil and mean and need more candy.

Since you were nice enough to review this for me, I suppose I'll give you a cookie. But it won't be the kind you like. Hahahha.

Thanks a bunch! ;)

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #8, by Red_headed_juliet Mirage

9th June 2014:
Hello! Here for a swap. I'm about half way through right now, and I just want to say that you definitely pulled me into the conversation. the back and forth between them, dialogue wise, is pretty good. I feel like the pacing is off though, and maybe you should group several responses together before adding in introspection.

Also, you describe Molly's talent with a violin the same way you do as her mother. "She was very talented," just the statement. Instead, (just an idea) you could try describing the style, or add in what other people say about, or how they react to, the art and music, just to change things up a bit.

In the beginning I was all like, 'why does she like this *curse word here*?' so I'm glad you added in that she admires qualities in him that she lacks and they grew up together.

(Also, I find it interesting that while he is being harsh with her, they both have said far worse things about him than her. I'm thinking he doesn't like himself, much less anyone who does like him.)

And for the record, I'm rooting for the stranger who is awesome.

I like Ethan. Ethan is good.

(Though I'm going to refer to him as Stranger in my mind, since my brother is Ethan, and he has blonde hair and green eyes, and my baby brother does not kiss people...(denial))

This is a good start! I think that getting a Beta could help, there's a thread for that, just to catch some of the little things that all authors skim over. (using the same adjective twice in a sentence, typos, stuff like that.)

Its also nice to see a member of the canon that doesn't turn out to be inherently awesome. Teddy is quite a piece of work.

Thanks for the swap!
Ok. Back to reading.

Author's Response: HELLO!

Sorry that its taken me so long to get to you but real life has been a MAJOR pain. Not like the movie, mind you but things have been annoying.

Anyway, I had some trouble writing this first chapter. I'd gone through a few different openings and decided on their dialogue and slowly going into what happened later on. It worked out better than I thought but I probably should have edited a bit better but Teddy's hard to write. D':

I wrote Molly being "very talented" because, in some way she wants to be more like her mother. Her mother is a lot bolder than she is and she really admires her and wants to be as good at something that will make her proud and feel better about herself. D':

HAHAH. I think a lot of people were wondering why Molly would like Teddy but I had to put in some reason and all of them were all right enough but still...Teddy is terrible. Hahahaha.

Ethan is fantastic!!

I think I'll go through and clean up a few things at some point but thanks for pointing out those mistakes. I have a bad habit of doing that! Haha.

Thanks for reading!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #9, by CassiePotter Illusion

4th June 2014:
Hi Gabbie!
Wow. This chapter was jam-packed with emotions! I feel so bad for Molly, because she's going through so much and I'm really impressed that she's managed to hold it together for this long. I would be off in the corner in a puddle of tears if I were her!
So I really wasn't expecting Ethan to be five years older than Molly. I thought he was maybe eighteen, but a five year difference? I can't wait to see how things develop between them because I know he's not going to just let her go. He clearly wants to be with her regardless of age or the fact that he knows that he shouldn't, and I have a feeling it's going to create a lot more trouble than good before things start to get better for them!
Like I said in the first chapter, I love Molly's character! She's so realistic, and it's really refreshing to read. In so many stories I've read girls fall for a guy and end up getting really serious really fast and they're all so experienced with relationships, and reading a character who has no clue what she's doing when it comes to guys is so awesome. In reality, tons of girls have never even kissed a guy by fifteen or even older, like seventeen or eighteen, so I love that Molly really doesn't know what's happening when she kisses Ethan.
You've made her so complex, and I love it! She's so much fun to read, and I can't wait to learn more about her as this story goes on! I'll keep you in the loop with my updates over on the forums. 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm sorry its taken me this long to get to this review but things have been kind of crazy. Hahah.

Molly has a lot more strength than she may realize because I would have been crying and hiding in a corner by this point if I'd been her! Hahah. I don't think a lot of people were expecting Ethan to be so much older than her but I wanted to put in some sort of conflict for them and it somehow seemed to fit.

I'd actually had this idea for a story for a while but I'd never written anything like it before so I wasn't sure how it would be taken but you guys have been great! I don't think Ethan would want to let her go either, the connection between them is too strong right now and he's realizing that e may miss out on having something he needs.

Or something like that. Haha.

Molly is more realistic than some of the other girls that I've written. To be honest, you made a really good point when it came to the aspect of kissing (My first real kiss wasn't until I was at least seventeen) so I'm glad that you liked how inexperienced she was with men.

She's so shy that it makes talking to them almost impossible and plus, her romantic life is pretty much nonexistent. Haha. I don't think she'll turn into a femme fatale anytime soon.

I hope you stick around for the next chapter, not sure when they'll be up but I hope you'll enjoy them just as much!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #10, by teh tarik Illusion

5th May 2014:
Gabbie! ♥

Hello, lovely! It has been far too long since I read any of your writing, and here I am with a review as promised. :) I'm sorry it took me so long; I've been busy, but I managed to read both your chapters and I love your story so far!

Your characters are so interesting, different from how Next Gen characters are usually written in fanfic. Teddy Lupin - whoa. He's got to be the cruellest, most detached and coldest Teddy I've ever come across on HPFF. The way he just rips into Molly, taunt after taunt, that was just so heartbreaking to read, and especially since poor Molly seems to hold on to that hope forever. Throughout that whole exchange, she just takes in insult after insult while fighting tears and trying to reason with him, trying to make him feel some shred of empathy for others, or to get him to understand her feelings. Bleh, she definitely deserves someone better.

Cue Ethan's arrival on the scene!

Gah, Ethan is an incredibly sexah character. Let's face it, I want to go to a grand ball like Molly does, and I want to meet some gorgeous, captivating stranger and have a very intimate encounter with that person lol. I LOVE HOW fairytale-ish your fic is! Especially when Molly seems to dismiss fairytales. She just can't see that she's stumbled into a strangely fantastic situation, though of course, she denies and resists all the way. The revelation of their ages came as a bit of a surprise to me. I didn't know Molly was that young! But I like the difference, and I'm hoping that Ethan will not simply just give up on her and stop pursuing. MOLLY SO CLEARLY IS ATTRACTED TO HIM. And I hope she forgets Teddy soon.

Your writing is so descriptive and sensual! I really love all the details of the ball, the dresses, the facial expressions - lovely writing, Gabbie!

Anyway, I think you've got a fabulous start to your story! Your characters are wonderful, and I hope you update soon! Best of luck with writing future chapters. ♥

-teh

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you with this response but real life is being a major pain. Gosh, it sucks! Haha.

Thanks so much for liking this new spin on Next Gen characters. I tried to make them as different as I could because I wanted to explore each one in a unique way, I didn't want any of them to be the same. People comment about Teddy a lot but I can't quite picture him any other way than how he is here! Haha. I had to make him as awful as possible because there was no way that Molly was going to be the same afterwards and I think she was really hoping that things would be different between them.

She deserves someone a WHOLE lot better than that monster. Hahhaa.

Ethan is awesome! I liked writing him and he gave me those wonderful girl-shivers that only really hot guys in books can. Hahaha. Anyway, I want to go to a ball too and wear a pretty dress and have some great guy sweep me off my feet! D':

Why can't that happen to me?!

I never intended to be like a fairy tale but it certainly has that sort of feel! Molly doesn't believe in fate but she's stumbled into something that she can't control and that's what I had the most fun writing, attraction is a strange thing and she can't accept that its beyond her understanding.

Ethan's age was originally going to be thirty but I thought that would have been a bit too much. I mean, its already shocking that they're five years apart but that would have gotten me into some trouble with a lot of people! Molly is only fifteen!

I don't think Ethan will give up on her but it all depends on what Molly wants. It certainly won't be Teddy. Hahah.

Thank you so much for reading this and I always appreciate your reviews! I hope we get to chat again soon! That third chapter is floating around here somewhere...

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #11, by Ray Illusion

5th May 2014:
Ahh this is so good! Can't wait until you update your other fics, but this take on Molly is so good. I love your OC's - Ethan is awesome! Anyway, you're a really good writer and I can't wait to see what you've got next!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by with this review, I always like to hear from you. I will be updating for my other stories as soon as I can but for now, I hope you enjoy what I've done here. We shall be seeing Ethan soon, I have an idea for the next chapter that I still need to work the kinks out of, hope you stay tuned!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #12, by GJ Illusion

3rd May 2014:
OMG. That was so intense! Molly and Ethan damn... can't wait to read what happens next! You're such a good writer, I'm honestly blown away! This certainly isn't the first story of yours that I've started to become smitten with :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by and I'm really happy that you enjoyed this chapter. I tried so hard to make this interesting and get you absorbed in Ethan and Molly's problems. I hope you stay tuned and thanks for reading my other stories as well! That means a lot!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #13, by Rumpelstiltskin Mirage

5th April 2014:
I'm here for our swap!

Plot/plot arch: I hope you were anticipating a gushy review, because that's what you're going to get ;). I really loved this story concept. It's not a complicated plot, but it is highly addictive. Molly wants to be with Teddy, and he doesn't want to be with her. The conversation between the two is painful, and I really feel for Molly. I think one of my favorite points that Teddy brings up is, "Everything you just described about me is only what you wish you were." This is a fantastic point, and it's easy for a young girl to idolize people who are what they want to be (so, exactly what Teddy said). With Teddy's harsh complex that you've given him in this, and as much as I feel for Molly in this, he DOES raise some very good points. I love the fact that Molly truly believes that Teddy only needs the love of a good woman to change him, a common complex that I've seen in a few stories. The thing that I absolutely adore about this is that it DOESN'T work out that way, and Teddy is set in his stubborn mind-set. I do love the ending as well, because, although Molly doesn't ultimately get what she wanted, she found someone -- Ethan -- to at least assist in healing her pain. She's vulnerable right now, so any predictions and speculations that I could make about the future of that relationship could very well be biased. At least, for the moment, he's helping ease her pain.

Characterization: Molly -- Oh, young love. She seems to have quite a bit going for her through the beginning of the story (as she said, the day started out perfectly, influencing her confidence). I also love certain aspects about her characterization, including her love of events that allow her to dress like a princess (because what girl doesn't) and that she does have certain character flaws. She seems to be comparing herself to Victoire in this, and reaching the outcome of her own shortcomings (in example, her body isn't as "fully-developed" and curvy as Victoire's, and she "knows what she's lacking". Self-consciousness is a fantastic flaw to include in a character, especially in a teenage girl. Her lack of "social grace" only further emphasizes her flaws. Her love for Teddy is desperately heartbreaking because of the unrequited aspect. While she attempts to stay strong and be okay, her emotions threaten to overwhelm her, which is another fantastic quality to include, as is speaks a great deal about her characterization.

Teddy -- In every single other Next Gen fic I've ever read that include Teddy, he's typically the nice guy. You've completely flipped this concept and given him a whole new persona and I LOVE IT ♥ ! Giving him this arrogant, level-headed, frustrating personal that urges me to smack him upside the head (and makes me glad that Molly slapped him) is absolutely brilliant. Furthermore, he KNOWS and RECOGNIZES these things about himself...which is even MORE frustrating. He has to be my favorite representation of ANY NG character, ever. Goodness, it's the love-to-hate complex that I'm obsessed with (which is why my favorite HP character is Severus Snape)...and you nailed it.

Emotion: Oh, the frustration and heartbreak. That was an intense story, with some high emotions. Fantastic job at capturing them.

Other/notes: Next Generation has always been my least-favorite era, but this has to be one of the best NG fics that I have ever read. Not only that, but with the fantastic writing and the addictive plot-line, this has surpassed some of my other favorite stories that fall into my favorite eras.

Absolutely fantastic job!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: HELLO!

I'm so sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you with this response but real life has been a MAJOR pain you know. Anyway, thank you so much for reviewing this and what a review! *blushes*

I didn't want a very complicated plot because I thought that it would take away from Molly and what she was going through but I focused mostly on her issues with Teddy and how she felt about him. The sad thing is, he did bring up some good points about her character and what's really sad about this is that Molly actually did really care about him. Having him rip her apart like that really hurt her and the fact that Teddy doesn't care only makes it worse.

Oh, no. Molly wasn't going to be the woman that magically changes Teddy, I've read a few stories like that as well and it wouldn't have worked--mostly because I have other plans for that blue-haired monster and because he wouldn't have been good for Molly.

Ethan arrives right on time, doesn't he? Hahaha.

Molly is a hard character to get right. She isn't at all like the other girls that I've written so I had to really think about how she would be and how her parents are. Percy and Audrey are nothing like canon really and Molly is a lot more girly than my other female characters so dressing up like a princess and pretending to be someone else would appeal to her ALOT. Hahaha. And plus, I've always wanted to pretend to be Cinderella too...*Sigh*

Anyway, I wanted to play around with real issues that a girl her age might feel, hence the reasons why she doesn't really like her body type and feels overshadowed by Victoire. D': The fact that she's rejected by Teddy only emphasizes how desperate she is to be someone else, at least for a moment.

Teddy will NEVER be a nice guy in my stories--I wouldn't be able to stand it. I didn't want to do something typical with him and I'm glad that you were able to enjoy it so much! There's just something about a snarky guy with good looks...I mean, you hate him and at the same time you can't help but kind of fall in love with him at the time. Hahahah. Gah, he's a hard person to write...

Thank you SO much for reading and reviewing this for me and I hope you start reading more Next Gen!

Much love,

Gabbie



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Review #14, by anythingcouldhappen Mirage

27th February 2014:
Hi! I'm here for our review swap. Sorry it's taken me so long!

Your characters are so unique! I love that you have totally made them your own, without taking away from them being canon characters. It sad to see Teddy so cruel, and I loved it when Molly slapped him. He completely deserved that! I'm very curious about Ethan, and I can't help but feel a little suspicious. He seems to good to be true.

Your descriptions are also lovely. They make the story come alive and it's very easy to imagine the scene of the ballroom and the balcony. Your writing really got me inside Molly's head, and that was so cool!

Overall just a very well written, interesting story. Keep up the good work!

Sam

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for stopping by with this review, it makes me really happy. I'm sorry that its taken me so long to actually reply back to this but real life is really annoying and things are lame! Hahah.
Anyway, thanks for liking my characters, I tried to get them as far away from the typical Next Gen canon as I could (Which is weird anyway, considering that we don't know anything about the grandchildren anyway to have these set "rules") and I'm glad that you enjoyed them.
Teddy is a monster, a demon and an all around jerk and that's done on purpose. Its no fun writing about a nice person growing up without any flaws and he has dozens of them. Hahahaha.
Molly won't be the only one slapping him, trust me. HAHHAHAHA.
Everyone is saying that Ethan sounds too good to be true but trust me, he's not a bad guy at all. He's just got some secrets and everything that comes out later on. Hehehe.
Oooh, thanks for liking the detail! If there's one thing that I really love, its stuffing your heads with detail that will linger and I'm glad that I was able to do that well. I had never written Molly before this as her own hero so this has been a great challenge for me!
Thanks so much!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #15, by CassiePotter Mirage

9th February 2014:
Hi Gabbie!
Wow, this chapter was wonderful! I really didn't know what to expect from this story, since you just started, but I really am loving it so far! Molly feels very, very relatable for me, and I think you've written her incredibly.
I get such a sense of who she is from this chapter, which is awesome, especially since you started right in the middle of the action and wove introductory details throughout. I thought it was really interesting to see her with Teddy, since the only other person I've really seen him with in your work is Dom, and she and Molly's feelings towards him are polar opposites. Reading about him from the perspective of someone who loves him and has had her heart broken by him is fascinating to me, particularly since he's such a jerk to her! But way to go Molly for giving him a good slap! It's quite an empowering feeling to do that when the guy you smack has been acting like a jerk to you!
And then we meet Ethan (even if we don't know his name yet)! Yet another smooth guy that you write so perfectly! You practically had me blushing just because I wasn't sure what to make of him! He just sweeps Molly right off her feet! I hope he isn't just messing with her, though... I guess I'll have to wait and see...
You've got an incredible start to another story that I already love! I can't wait for more! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Its always lovely seeing you again and I'm glad that I finally have the time to respond to your review! Real life has been a real pain and its kept me away from this for too long but now that I have a little time, here we go! :D

Molly is a new type of girl for me, she's not at all like Roxanne and Lord help us she's nothing like Astoria either. I think she's more of a girly girl than the others but there's something so grounding about her, she's very rational, very sharp and she has all of these lovely flaws and challenges that make her amazing for me to write.
I have never really started a story right in the middle of an action scene like this before but it was a great change and of course, we get another look at Teddy through someone else's eyes.
Bwhaha, Dom's feelings for Teddy are seeped with revulsion and it is nice to read about someone who actually finds him attractive and cares about him. I'm not sure how that might play out later on though!
Molly is her father's daughter and well, she has to get her temper from somewhere, right? The fact that she slapped him is such an Audrey thing to do as well, though I'm sure her mother would have punched him...
Anyway, Ethan!!! OMG, Ethan! I love him already, he's going to be such a great character for me to write in the future. He's going to sweep Molly off her feet but things might not go as smoothly as you might want them to. Do they ever, in my stories? >:D
Thanks for another great review my dear!
I have to get back to reading your work too. By the way, Audrey and Albus both have fresh chapters so until I'm back to updating A Force of Blaise and Abandon, check those out if you have time!
Thanks again!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #16, by Aphoride Mirage

7th February 2014:
Hey there! I was so glad when you said you wanted me to review this for you, since I'd already taken a sneaky look at your page and decided this would be the one I'd review if you didn't have a preference ;) Coincidence, huh? :D

First off, I like how you've started this right in the middle of all of the action. It's such a nice, pacy sort of start and really throws the reader into everything that's going on and the emotions and all. It's a really good beginning!

I love Molly's character, as well. I love how she's not all that confident, she knows her own flaws, she doesn't like having things pointed out to her, she's perhaps a bit fragile, a bit naive, but she's sweet and caring and wants to fix people, which isn't necessarily a bad thing and a fairly common trait, I think. She's a really fabulous character - such a mix of personality traits! :)

I liked her conversation with Teddy, as well - how he was pretty mean and rude, but honest at the same time, and how she slapped him and regretted it. There are too many stories where the girl slaps the guy all the time without feeling sorry! So yeah, this was a nice change. Besides, he really wasn't being very nice! :) I really liked how you used that conversation to show us Molly's character, and Teddy's... it worked so well!

Teddy's a lovely, complicated character, too! I hope he turns up again in this, because so far he's a brilliant character - charismatic, confident, but perhaps not so, cynical, honest to the point of rudeness, etc. You really do create wonderful characters! :)

Ooh, the mysterious guy... tbh, he's laying it on a bit thick, and it seems a little bit creepy, but I dunno if that's just me... but he's definitely mysterious!

Gah, your writing in this was lovely, too! Just the right amount of detail, no mistakes I could spot, nothing which seemed odd, excellent flow... mah, really, really great! :)

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this - I'm glad we swapped! - and really surprised this is the first review! Say whaaat? Where is everyone ele?! But yeah, this is a really great start and I hope sometime soon I get to pop back and catch up with it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: HELLO!

I'm finally responding to this lovely review and I'm sorry that its taken me such a long time.

I normally don't start my stories with the action happening right off the bat but I thought that since this was going to be a bit different that I'd switch up a bit. You're able to get more swamped with all the information and feelings that way and since I'm evil, I decided to layer it on as heavily as possible as you go along. >:D
Molly is a new type of girl for me to write, I haven't done anyone quite like her before, she's not like Roxanne in "Abandon" or Lord help me she isn't like Astoria from "A Force of Wills" (This is actually a good thing) so I had to find a good balance with her. She's a girl that has so many insecurities that I wanted that to be made evident but not be the only thing that was so great about her.
Teddy, oh, Teddy. His conversation with Molly was brutally honest but there's some truth in it that I wasn't able to ignore and I was glad that I wrote him the way that I did.
My girls slap guys all the time but there's always some sort of reaction and honestly, I'm sure that actually hurts! Like, your palm must sting after that, right?!
Teddy might not show up in this but he does make an appearance in other stories and might be mentioned later but just for you, I'll give him another scene. Muahahaha.
Oh, Ethan! I noticed that he was coming off a bit...creepy so I toned it down in the next chapter. I hope you like him then!

Bwhaha, I'm not a very active user on the site because of some personal issues but my stories are so out there sometimes that a lot of people don't check them out. HAHAHA. D':
This is actually tame compared to some of my others...
Anyhoo, thanks so much for coming to this so long ago and I hope to see you again whenever I scrape the second chapter up here!
Much love,
Gabbie


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