Reading Reviews for Vernon's Story
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Red_headed_juliet Meeting Swirley Jr

7th July 2014:
This entire piece was lovely, I especially liked how the mood changed from serious to silly with such ease throughout. The style really does remind me of J. M. Bairre, so kudos for pulling off such an entertaining narrative.

I think that your portrayal of Vernon and Petunia is really spot on, complimenting the original absurdity of their characters from the first few HP books. Swirley Jr. also seems to have the right quirkiness vs sinister ration, which is always incredibly entertaining.

I'm assuming that Swirley is the kid in the bathroom, now out to take revenge on Vernon. I think this is quite an interesting take on the quote, and a great premise for a story like this.

Very well done! I was thoroughly entertained!

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Review #2, by HazelMidnight172 Cranberry Muffins - The deadliest muffins of all

13th April 2014:
This is an interesting story idea. Poor Vernon - how frustrating that no one except Petunia believes him! Though, given his behaviour in the previous chapter it is hard not to think that he deserves it a bit! I look forward to reading more. :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I never would've thought of writing about Vernon, hadn't it been for the challenge I got him from :D
Yes, he does kind of deserve it, doesn't he? Hehe... He's going to suffer a lot more^^
The next chapter should be up by next month :)
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

*Gee


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Review #3, by BLONDEbehaviour Cranberry Muffins - The deadliest muffins of all

26th March 2014:
Hello hello!! I am here to review for the Canon Craziness Challenge!! I am so sorry its so terribly later, but I am here now! No time like the present :P

Oh Vernon... you couldn't have got a more interesting character to change around and play with, and I think you do a great job with making him an interesting and appealing character.

I hated him and his cronies in the first chapter, which was your intention, so good job there! But you did so well with the description and the attitude of both the bullies and the bulliee, that it showed a perspective of the characers. I really liked that!
I felt so so so bad for the boy, id be in tears if someone ripped my book to shreds too!!

Your second chapter was great as well. I found it quite interesting how Petunia was trying her best to make him believe in the witchcraft whearas she esaily could've just brushed it aside and under the carpet. I also like how you made Vernon doubtful but super intrigued, which is not lie him in canon at all, so a good contrast there, i liked it alot :P I think the way that you jut had Petunia act as though she was talking in delusions at a good twist. Its cool as well because if you wanted to you could definitely add more to this story, seeing as Vernon is 100% sure his wife was making stuff up.. oh the opportunities for this story!! Im so excited for it hahaha.

All in all i think you created an interesting side to Vernons character, and you did a really good job with incorporating it, because it can be so hard to shake things up when you are so used to canon!!

Can't really give any constructive criticism on his piece... probably just go through some of your paragraphs and space the out, as some have large lots together. It would help hem to read smoother. Apart from that, nothing I could pick up on!

I really enjoyed reading this story, and am hoping to see it continue at some point! (hint hint :P)

Thank you for entering my challenge! I hope you enjoyed it, and good luck! Results should be up in a few days :)

Grace :)

Author's Response: Hi Grace!
Argh, so sorry it took me so long to respond! I have to admit, I kinda kept your review unanswered to I could read it again and again :D

Honestly, I was a bit worried about Vernon at first and had to refrain myself from writing another fluff piece to bring out canon craziness; I had a hilarious, senseless plunnie but put it aside because I realized I'm probably not going to write about him and especially Petunia for at least a while, if not ever. Mainly because about Petunia; Vernon, I'm warming up to. Even if I've had him cry twice in the second chapter already. ^^

Yeah, he and his cronies really are disgusting. I couldn't bring myself to write more about their emotions and the horrible darkness of bullying, because even though the scene is crucial to the development of the plot, it would be quite the heavy load for a first chapter ^^

I've added major updates to the second chapter by now :D
Petunia could totally have brushed it aside but then again, she's gaining an ally in her hatred against her sister and that's huge for her bitter self... Argh. She's the main reason why I have difficulties writing the next chapters (good thing I already have the complete structure for this story^^).

Oh, and the awesome banner I got from Azulive really gave me a new perspective on this story, especially glasses wise. I'm just saying; if there was a spell to make you go blind the more you cry, I'm pretty sure it'd be a nice revenge from a bullied to a bully... A-hem, no spoiling.


Aaah, thanks for that! I always have spacing issues; I'll definitely check that out :D

I'm definitely going to not only update but also complete this story, because it's also important for/to me :D
And I'm really looking forward to Vernon and Petunia meeting James and Lily (I have a great scene already planned for that^^).

Thank you for the great review and creating the challenge in the first place; it was fun to participate and the other entries were really mind-blowing (I mean, deatheater Hermione, how awesome is that?^^)

Gee. :)


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Review #4, by icingonmycake Cranberry Muffins - The deadliest muffins of all

20th March 2014:
Wow that was a really awesome chapter. I think it's an awesome perspective to the Dursleys before the series started. Though seeing them as human beings and not cruel tormentors of the one and only Harry Potter is taking some getting used to! Anyway, as I forgot to say in my previous review of this story( ch1), thank you for reviewing my fic, Explosion. Chapter 13 is up if you like ;D.
IoMC

Author's Response: Hi IoMC, thanks for stopping by!
Indeed, the Dursleys before they got Harry are very interesting to write about :)
Thank you for notifying me - I've read two more chapters and left a review on one but I fear I don't have much time to read much at the moment... I still have four chapters 'till you next update and I'll diligently read them as my reading time clears up :)
Cheers!
Gee.


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Review #5, by zipzin Cranberry Muffins - The deadliest muffins of all

19th March 2014:
I'm really excited for this story and it looks really good already. Can't wait for the next chapters and to see how Vernon evolves.

Author's Response: Hi zipzin, thank you for keeping track of this story!! :D
I've updated this chapter (1500+ words^^) and the third is second on my priorities list :)

Thank you for reviewing - I'm happy to hear you like this story!


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Review #6, by TheGirlOnFire Caveat Smeltonia

15th March 2014:
Hi, this is for the blackout bingo, 4/20 :)

I didn't like the bullying, bullying sucks. I know that writing scenes like that can be hard but I don't feel like you captured the realism that comes with bullying. It was nice start to your story , but I feel like they just jumped into the bullying, I get that that happens sometimes, but I would have liked to have felt Vernon's feelings as he did what he was doing. You told us rather than showed us, I think that that is something you should work on, showing not telling is one of the hardest but most best way of writing. I really hope that this wasn't too harsh, I just think that beating around the bust doesn't help people improve and we all need to improve. (don't hate me)

TheGirlOnFirexx

Author's Response: Hi GirlOnFire!
Don't you worry, there's definitely no hating going on :D I welcome all opinions, there are no good or bad ones :)

Bullying does suck and in my experience, it often happens very quickly - three bullies comfortable in their role and a scrawny new kid; I don't picture Vernon and his cronies as the kind of guys that feel or even think too much during the act.
Most likely, it's become a habit, a daily routine. That's just how little I think of Vernon.
Quite honestly, I actually wouldn't know where to start as I have no idea what a bully like Vernon probably feels like - heck, I don't even feel it's relevant for the progression of the plot as it is.

I agree I should work on my writing and I try to improve every day a little more, hence welcoming any non-judgmental opinion or constructive criticism :) Indeed, we all need to improve, and long descriptions about feelings and settings are rather important for the development of characters.
Part of the experience, the fun in writing is writing about things or feelings we do not know of - I get that.

You mentioned you would have like to feel Vernon's feelings as he was bullying the boy - I will definitely look into that when I edit the story and see if it wouldn't bring this story to a degree of drama higher than I want it to be :)

Thank you for reviewing and sharing your opinion!
The next chapter is validated if you're interested :)

Cheers!
Gee.


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Review #7, by zipzin Caveat Smeltonia

9th February 2014:
This sounds like a very interesting story and I can't wait to see more. Keep this up I'm very interested in how Vernon shapes to become.

Author's Response: Hi zipzin!

Thank you for your review!! I'll be updating soon :)


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Review #8, by icingonmycake Caveat Smeltonia

2nd February 2014:
Wow! I love this story, definitely hoping for a quick update! :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much!
Chapter 2 is on its way! :D


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Review #9, by LilyLou Caveat Smeltonia

30th January 2014:
Hello, here for our review!

This was awful! As in, wonderfully written, but an awful scene. You did an excellent job portraying how everything went down. This must have been hard to write. I don't think I could have written something quite like this.

Great job!

-Janelle

Author's Response: Thank you!!
I'm really glad you didn't like it ^^
It was a bit tough to write indeed but entirely worth it :)


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Review #10, by SereneChaos Caveat Smeltonia

20th January 2014:
Go figure Vernon Dursley would be the inventor of the swirly. Haha, you had some fantastic one-liners in here (I loved the part about Vernon wanting to grow a luxurious moustache someday) and your writing reminded me so much of JKR's when she first introduces the Dursleys. My one issue with this chapter isn't even a writing thing as much as a formatting one--there were a couple of inconsistencies in the spacing between lines. For example:

"The bathroom door opened and let a small, nervous boy in.
They did not particularly recognize his face but he was wearing glasses.
He was floating in the school's orange knickerbockers that were too big for him and wasn't even carrying his cane.
But he was carrying a book under his arm."

That was all condensed together, but there are other times when you have spaces between lines. Story-wise it doesn't matter, but it's distracting while reading, and kind of pulls you away from the story when you notice it. Though, it's nothing a quick preview of the chapter won't fix! :)

Otherwise, I'm going to look forward to reading the rest of this fic!

Author's Response: SereneChaos,

I read and re-read your review but still can't find the right words to thank you properly.
You've robbed me of my gift of blab - you blew my mind and I just keep giggling like an idiot...
Let's see if I can manage to express myself correctly.

Saying my writing reminded you of JKR's during the Dursley's introduction might be the nicest compliment one could give a HarryPotterfanfiction.
So thank you very, very much. :D

I based my younger Vernon on the Dudley grows up to be in the books and the story started writing itself - this proves Rowling's genius, no? ^^

I read & remembered that Dudley once told Harry about Stonewall High's tradition of stuffing people's heads in toilets on their first day and... Tada-aaah! (Again, Rowling's genius^^)

The mustache bit was pure luck - I was flipping through my "Peter Pan" edition to find random drawings to describe and saw that one. I looked at my list of Vernon's traits and thought 'oh, that could work'.
And it did! :D


I'm really sorry about the format - it happens when I copy from my text document and paste in the site's box and I must have forgotten to fix it. Though it could very well have been laziness... Ah-hum. I must have forgotten.
I'll get to it asap, thank you for pointing it out :D


Again, thank you so much for your review! It's awesome!

:)



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