Reading Reviews for Making Memories
24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lululuna The WCPS Has A Say

25th April 2014:
Hi again!

Hmm, I have no clue about what is wrong with Victoire. It sounds like she might be ill in some way, though she's definitely not pregnant by the looks of things. Hopefully she isn't especially sick herself, that's the last thing she needs with all the excitement in her life. I really hope that Gwyneth will wake up, and I'm secretly hoping that Victoire or Van will adopt her! They do seem to have formed a bond, and Gwyneth definitely can't go back to her family even if they did show up - I'd be so angry if she did, but also I feel that Victoire and the WCPS wouldn't let that happen.

I love the idea of the WCPS, by the way! At first I was a little confused about what they were arguing about since they seemed to agree on Gwyneth not going back to her family, but the snottiness of the WCPS woman was definitely grating on Victoire. I was quite curious about the special hospital they had as well, and if it was established in recent years, and why they thought Gwyneth would get better treatment there. Either way, they really should be focusing on getting her to wake up at all, not squabbling over where she should live next! :P

Victoire is as great and relatable as always, I especially liked when her stomach was growling, and how grouchy she was when her family wasn't ready to greet her. You do a great job of making her seem very human, with her mood swings and occasional self-doubt, and even her having a messy office. :) And Emmaline was quite funny here, I liked seeing her five-year-old antics.

I'm so excited to see what happens next - both with Gwyneth, and of course the move to Paris! :D Wonderfully written, as usual! :)

Author's Response: A little spoiler about the sickness thing (because I'm worried about it myself) I might edit it out. I had an idea about it in the beginning, but I can't decide if I like it or not being in the story, so I may have to make a point across the story that I'll edit it out (if I come to that decision). I just feel so concerned and not at all sure of where I'm going with that plot, so we'll see about that. Hope that eases your mind a bit! If not, sorry!

Anyway, you have some spot on theories in this review! ;)

I was quite proud of coming up with the WCPS (even though all I had to do was slap a "W" on it and call it good xD). So I'm glad you liked that, but as for the confusion, you're right about the snottiness. For the hospital, you'll have to see about the recent bit, but I'm more so getting to a children's hospital where the program will be able to afford her hospice more (simply for the fact that her parents may or may not have to be responsible for this bill). As for the better well-being, that's what everyone says about their hospital, yeah? ;)

Yay for Victoire being so relatable! Especially since she's so moody sometimes, yeah? ;)

I promise to get on that chapter as soon as I can! I'll even message you to let you know when I've gotten to it!

Thank you so so so much for your time and patience with each wonderful review you've given me for each chapter you've gone through and read. I admire you so much, so I just love the fact that I get to answer a few of your questions of my story here! Thank you, as always, and I hope to see you for my return!


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Review #2, by Lululuna The People Who Live In The World

25th April 2014:
Back again!

Aw, this chapter was so great! I really liked the mix of typical family problems - like getting Emmaline to calm down - and Victoire's daily work and the emotional strain it puts upon her. It's interesting how Victoire kind of has to play the bad cop parent and keep Emmaline in line: since she spends far more time with her than Teddy (despite being busy at work) it makes sense that they would have that sort of relationship. I liked seeing the family dynamics, and Victoire stalling to avoid bickering with Teddy and then using her feminine wiles to distract him were just perfect. :P

I really liked seeing how things worked at St. Mungo's, like how the Healers were often too tired to Apparate home properly, and the wizarding equivalent of the pagers. That was really neat, and from what I know of hospitals I feel like you captured it very well. The little girl's story was so sad, and I really felt how Victoire was emotionally invested, particularly since the girl was close to Emmaline's age. I'm looking forward to learning more about her and I really hope she'll be okay, of course! She seems like a really interesting character and I'm curious to see if perhaps Victoire will get more involved with her case. The scene at the end, where she went and hugged Emmaline and was so emotional, was so lovely.

One thing I was a little confused about was why Vic was in such a rush to get to work on time, but then waited around for forty minutes for Van, which made her late. It felt a little inconsistent that she'd be late for her shift because she waited for Van, when she was in such a rush to get to work in the first place, you know? So it might make more sense if there was another explanation, like she went to Van's house to go to work with her and Van was running ten minutes behind schedule or something - just something which I thought of, but feel free to ignore. :)

I really like how you focus on the daily hardships and details of being a Healer, and the little details like Victoire's decorated scrubs were fantastic. She's such a down-to-earth, relatable character, and I'm really loving reading about their little family. :)

This was really well written as well! The one little thing I noticed was that there were a few slips into present tense, but those are easily fixed with a quick read-through. :) This was another wonderful chapter! :D

Author's Response: Haha "feminine wiles" That's the best thing here already! :3

St. Mungo's is my favorite to do because, as I already said, I'm a HUGE fan of "The Office", but I also LOVE "Scrubs" and "Grey's Anatomy". So I wanted to get those two to mix in here in a way that I could always enjoy them in my own works.

As for the little girl, we shall see! ;)

This makes sense and I don't know what happened in my story. Maybe I was editing and didn't get it all the way out? I'm sorry that really is pretty confusing! I'll try and edit that in the next beta-round! Thank you for bringing this to my attention!

Thank you for the reads and the wonderful review! You truly make me want to just sit down and type out the next chapter right now! (Which I just might do with all my free time ;)).


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Review #3, by Lululuna The Ending of the Book

25th April 2014:
Hi again! :)

I don't think this chapter was boring at all! Something I'm really enjoying about this story is getting to know Victoire and how she handles those stressful, everyday situations, like a bratty brother or catching a cold. It did a really good job of establishing her daily life and the relationships she has with people around her. I liked hearing all the descriptions of Victoire's ordeal as she got sick and dealt with it. It's also great to see the difficulties of the move and its challenges, like how Victoire has to sell the flat quickly, and how that decision involves both the wizarding and Muggle market.

Emmaline is so funny! Her obsession with pushing crumbs in the floor made me laugh because it was one of those weird and seemingly pointless things that kids do. And Robert! At first I thought he might be a ghost or something magical and sinister, but either way he seems quite funny. I loved Teddy's comments about Robert and not being good enough for Emmaline, haha. He just seems like such a great dad in how he's both responsible and mature, but has a silly, youthful side, and he and Victoire are just so adorable in how he takes care of her and doesn't care what she looks like - just perfect. ♥

Honestly it didn't even occur to me that she might be pregnant! :P I'm not sure if I'd want her to be at this point - of course it would be lovely to have another little Lupin-Weasley baby, but at the same time she's going through a big move and establishing herself at a demanding new job in a different country, and doesn't really have the time right now. But we shall see!

Oh, and going back to the beginning, I found the insight into the family dynamics very interesting as well. I'm looking forward to meeting Fleur in this story and how she is personified, as well as Dominique and how she is so perfect, and what kind of relationship Victoire has with her.

Another wonderful chapter! :)

Author's Response: Woohoo for not being boring! :D

I just really wanted to focus on a lot of detail for this story. I wanted to make it as ordinary and yet beautiful as possible. When I got the challenge of the Modern Romance, I was super excited to do it, and make it as ordinary as possible. I think so many people have so many ideals on what they think love is, that they forget even these simple things show how much someone cares and loves one another! (I'm also a HUGE fan of "The Office" so I had to get a flare of that style in here!)

Teddy is my daddy in a younger form! :D I'm a big daddy's girl, so Teddy here is so fun for me to write and so fun to see people's reactions to him! I mean obviously he does things my Muggle father could never do, but that relationship with Emmaline is what gets me every time. Easily my first favorite relationship in the story since I'm such a daddy's girl! haha

I like the way you think ;)

I'm excited to show that side of the family, I really am! I hope I haven't waited too long that you're not interested any more! Either way, though, thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It's making my whole day over here, dear! :D You're the best!


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Review #4, by Lululuna Somewhere, Everyone Goes Right

25th April 2014:
Hello! :) I'm here for the Slytherin Review Exchange. I was super excited to be assigned to you (well, I did the assignments technically, but I was pleased when it worked out that I got to review you) as I've wanted to come and catch up on this story for a while.

Ahh, so she's going to Paris?! :D Actually the Eiffel tower on the banner was a pretty good clue. This is so exciting, and Victoire is a perfect candidate since she knows French and her family is there. I was so nervous through the chapter about how Teddy might react, but then he was so excited! I'm really curious to see how they'll make the long distance from Paris work, and what sort of adventures might await there.

I'm really happy Van is going as well as she's such a dynamic and fun character, and I really enjoy the comfortable, slightly goofy friendship between her and Victoire. It was quite cool how she just wanders in and out of Victoire's fireplace and helps herself to biscuits, and how it does seem like Van has a bit of a crush on Victoire - or at least likes to joke about having one - and the fresh dynamic that adds to their friendship. I was giggling with the banter about the cats (poor Mozart!) and how Victoire secretly was looking at her tea leaves. That was such an interesting detail and showed how though she's a very rational and intelligent person she has some superstitious habits. Lots of people are like that with things such as knocking wood for luck or crossing their fingers - I do that all the time - so it reminded me of how relatable Victoire is.

Another really cool detail was all the information about Emmaline's toys and I have to admit I was a little jealous. Especially of the flying Quidditch player action figures - those are so cool! And it makes sense they would be marketed to kids after the animated Quidditch players which were souvenirs at the World Cup in GoF. I really loved all the details here and how they created this normal life which is enhanced by magic.

Victoire and Teddy are just adorable! The detail about thinking she might give birth to a dolphin and the bologna and Nutella was just really funny and cute. I like how undramatic and ordinary their lives are, but with that spark of magic and adventure which makes the story so vibrant. Great job with this! :)

Author's Response: LuLu! Can I just apologize now that I never got the chance to actually do the assignment on your side! D: I felt so bad when I never got to get to the challenge, so I hope you don't resent having read this whole whopper of a story so far!

Anyway. I'll put my guilt to the side for now and answer the reviews! (Also, you're the sweetest thing ever! You looked forward to the story and being assigned to me? :3 You're an idol, so that makes my life!) :D

Haha! Yep! Paris! :D I'm excited but nervous to get that far, but I hope it all goes for the best! I've continued this a bit on my spare time, and I like what I've seen so far ;). As for Teddy, I will say that the initial challenge was for a modern love relationship that actually works, so I'll have to see how it goes from here since the challenge is technically no longer in affect. :)

I LOVE Van! :D And I love her friendship with Victoire! Basically, it is my relationship with my best friend (only neither of us are actually lesbian, it's a pretty close relationship haha) so adding her here is just so easy for me! I love her so dearly! Also, I'm glad you love the detail there! I like adding those bits here and there just for some realism, which I'm sure any writer does, but it's nice to see that it is noticed! :D

You make me grin ear-to-ear, dear! You're just gushing and it makes me gush! I'm just so elated that you love this and actually see and pay attention to all these lovely little details I add in here. It gives me hope that I'm doing something right in there! Thank you so much! For reading, and reviewing! Again, I do apologize for not being able to get to the assignment when the time was here, but I do promise to make it up to you someday! I love your writing and stories! Like I said, you're one of my idols! :D

Much love!


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Review #5, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing The WCPS Has A Say

14th March 2014:

So I'm gutted this is the last chapter I can review but I can always come back another time :)

I would love to know the French phrases that Teddy tried out hahahaha!

Hmm... I don't know what to make of the WCPS... obviously she's just doing her job but Vic has taken a lot of care. It's a tricky situation and obviously they need to make sure Gwyneth is okay. I'm intrigued to where you will take this.

And then you gave us more Teddy and Vic fluff. I love it! More of that please!

Quick typos for you, you put "little angle" instead of "little angel" and "Hofwarts" instead of "Hogwarts"

A few times in this during the story you've gone into present tense which can be a little jarring to read... for example "A few of the potions have been taken away, but she still has not woken up." This should be "A few of the potions had been taken away, but she still hadn't woken up" That is just one example so it might be worth having another quick read through to just fix them up :)

Another great chapter though hun, I've really enjoyed this story so far... you'll be updating this soon right ;) I'll eagerly be awaiting. Seriously though, great characterisation, dialogue and description! Great job!

Lauren :)
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Author's Response: I'm so sorry that the sixth chapter is taking forever to write! I promise that it is, like, half way there, but it's just being a super pain in the brain to write!

Haha, let's just say that he tried some pickup lines once ;).

You're only a chapter away! ;)

Yay! And there will totally be more! :D It's a Vic/Teddy fic of course! ;)

Angle is the angle of a desk, angel is like angelic behavior and the likes ;). As for Hofwarts, I knew that typo was in there, but once I passed it, I couldn't find it anywhere! I forgot what the typo was when I was done xD. Thanks for pointing it out! I'll fix that right up!

My biggest flaw! :( Thank you for the pointer! :)

Soon hopefully! I feel so bad that it has taken so long! D: I seriously love you because you're just ;lak;jdoahd;fjda;lfja AMAZING! :D All the reviews make my day and I hope to not disappoint with the next chapter! :D (When it DOES come!)


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Review #6, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing The People Who Live In The World

14th March 2014:
Hey again, I'm back :)

Aww poor Emmaline! I can imagine at her young age going all the way to Paris would seem a disaster! At least Robert can come along. It's cute that she has an imaginary friend, Robert is an usual name for a young girl to pick though, I wonder if there is a reason for that?

I loved the almost fight between Vic and Teddy, it was natural for there to be a bit of tension but I'm glad you let them diffuse it easily. It felt really real and I know I've been in those situations more than once!

I do have one question... if Vic had to wait forty minutes for Van, was she too early or has she made herself really late for work? Just with her being so tired it seemed daft that she'd go in early but also a little odd that she would make herself do late... something to think about anyway.

Oh my goodness, the poor girl! That's so awful! I'm hoping she will have more to come in the story... at least so we can see if she gets better or not. I feel like we will find out more about her anyway.

Another great chapter though, I really enjoyed it. Your attention to detail and characterisation is great! I look forward to more!

Lauren :)
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Author's Response: There's not really a reason for the name other than I couldn't really think of one for the time ;). Though I'd imagine she'd heard it somewhere. Maybe it's the name of a kid at school?

Haha, I'm glad that worked out well. I was afraid I just sort of copped out of making a real fight because by the time I got to that part, I was a little tired already. So to hear you say it worked makes me happy! :)

Vic does what I did in high school. I'd wake up earlier so I can show up earlier. I'd hang out with friends, eat breakfast, have some time to myself. Since she loves work, it's also a chance for her to pick up on any cases that she can get her hands on if she wants them. :)

I know! Poor little one! It was another plot randomly thrown in, but I'm so glad I did! It's grown more into a story now and I love it! I'm glad you want to know more about her! :)

Thank you so so much (again!)! You're simply amazing! That's all there is to it! The absolute best! :3


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Review #7, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing The Ending of the Book

14th March 2014:

Couldn't resist coming back again!

Again you have written another lovely chapter. It isn't full of action but that doesn't matter... It's given us the chance to get to know the family more and has moved the story on.

So when Victoire got sick, my immediate thought was she was pregnant. You did a good job of making us believe the just sick story though so now I'm not so sure... Hmm I guess I'll have to read on to find out!!

Oh again your Teddy is the sweetest thing ever. His and Vic's exchanges are so heart warming to read, it just makes me so happy! I loved he got protective over an imaginary friend and the comment about her only being Vic's daughter when she's naughty made me laugh too!

There are a few typos I noticed, so you wrote "Emmline" near the top instead of "Emmaline" for example but most of those could be sorted with a quick read through, nothing to worry about!

Like I said though, a great chapter and I look forward to reading more!

Lauren :)

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Author's Response: So I'm totally happy that you haven't gotten bored with it or anything! :D That makes me super excited! :D

To be quite honest with you, I wasn't planning on telling anyone what was/is wrong with her, but as I think more on the story, the more unsure even I am. :/ I feel like I may have made an accidental extra plot that I wanted to write at the time, but I'm not sure if I'm willing to write it out xD. Strange response, I know, but I'll figure it out soon, and then when I do, you will definitely read about it ;).

Haha, Teddy is probably my dad really. My dad makes the same jokes and says the same things. I love my dad (HUGE daddy's girl), and Teddy just reminds me of the gentle man that my dad is. :)

Thanks! I'll fix those soon! :)

Yay! Thank you so much for continuing on with the story and continuing to review! You're the best! :D


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Review #8, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing Somewhere, Everyone Goes Right

13th March 2014:
Hey again...

I couldn't resist coming back!!

Another great chapter! I have to say again that your writing is really effortless to read. I immediately get drawn in and don't look up until the chapter is finished.

I thought the idea of Victoire applying for the job in France was really cute and the fact she got it lovely. Her relationship with Van is really good to read and the fact they've got this position together is really lucky for the two of them. I'm sure if Vic does go they'll have a great time together.

The worry that Vic feels to how teddy will take the news was again well placed. Even though he was absolutely fine with it, who wouldn't panic and think the worst. I think you wrote that so well.

Now, oh my gosh! My heart was practically melting when Vic got to Hogwarts. Her and teddy together are the cutest thing ever. I've always been a massive fan of them and the way you write them together may just be the best I've seen. It was perfect.

So yeah, excellent job... I look forward to reading more!!

Lauren :)

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Author's Response: Yay! You've returned and decided to stay! :D

Aww! Thank you so much! Trust me, it's not so effortless in writing ;). I'm glad you love it so much though! I miss writing it, so there should be a chapter up soon! (Cross your fingers!)

I wanted to write something outside of my comfort zone. England I've been writing about for years, but never once France. It'll give me hopefully a fresh look to other places, so I hope it works out well for both Vic and me ;). I'm glad you like the idea though! I'm just as excited as you are! :D Ahhh! I LOVE Van! haha :D

Thanks! I originally had it that Teddy would like it but have to stay behind for school, but then I remembered it was practically summer. He HAD to go! :D haha. At least for the summer anyway. Though I want to show just how loving and gentle I think he really is, and I'm so happy that you love it! :)

:3 You make me blush! I'm so ecstatic here right now! You flatter me way too much ;). I'm honestly so pleased and excited that you've taken on to the relationship and situation and everything so well! :) I love the story and it's great to see it get the attention from the people who truly love this sort of thing! :)

Thank you so so much for being so amazing and coming back and reviewing and telling me just how much you love the story! I'm doing a little happy dance you're so awesome! :D


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Review #9, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing Some Personal Lives Can Do With A Little Bothering

13th March 2014:
Hey there!!

So I really love Teddy and Victoire so I knew I would love this and I really did!

So first things, I loved the comment about barely having time to shave her legs... Didn't sound familiar at all... The things we go through eh? Haha I also love their little girls name!! Emmaline is beautiful.

I really enjoyed reading the part in St Mungos, the whole thing felt very natural and you really went to town with some of the details. It's clear you've given a lot of thought to the tasks that they have to do. It made me smile that they were thinking if the patients as addicts and hypochondriacs - it made the whole thing feel more realistic because people always do that when they're in a job.

Louis was hilarious, I have to say. Bless him, worried about his personal life, I'm not surprised Victoire was laughing as well as cringing a little. It was nice to see their relationship though, they're obviously close.

Hmm the letter got my interest, you left it on a bit of a cliff hanger! Who is it from!!

This was a great first chapter! It felt so natural and I was really smiling at a lot of it. You did a great job, I look forward to reading more!!

Lauren :)

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Author's Response: Hey there! Thank you so much for choosing this story to stop and read/review! :D It makes me so happy! :D

I love the pair, too! :) I never thought I'd actually write about them really, not in such a main sort of way, but I find myself loving it more than I ever thought I would! :)

Emmaline! :3 Such an adorable name! I like using baby names that I'd consider for my own kids someday haha xD. Also, I believe every woman can relate on the leg shaving ;).

Whoo! I wrote a realistic hospital scene! You have no idea how happy that makes me! :D Thank you so much! For years I've wanted to write a Scrubs-esque type fanfiction, but I've been so scared of the hospital type atmosphere, but I'm trying it a little bit with this one. It won't always be in the hospital, but I'm hoping that it'll fill that void of plot bunnies I had for years haha. :) Thank you sooo much for saying that though!

I love Louis! It's a little like my relationship with my brother, in a less intimate way in our personal lives. ;) We talk about gross things, personal things, and weird things all the time! haha :)

Yay! Interest! I'm succeeding! ;)

Yay! I'm glad you loved it! I hope you enjoy what is left of it if you decide to stay! :D

Thank you SO much for the read and review!


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Review #10, by love_is_magic_ The People Who Live In The World

7th March 2014:
Wow! Let me just start by saying I can't believe you wrote and uploaded this entirely on your phone! That's crazy and I never would have guessed it by how well this is written!

Unfortunately, I have no clue what will happen to the girl, though I obviously want her to wake up! Honestly, I think there's a chance she will make some miraculous recovery and Victorie will adopt her... though maybe that's wishful thinking!

Another quick correction (though now that I know this was written on your phone, I can understand its existence even more):'Within the next hour Victoire had Emmaline bathed, dried, in bed, and asleep' This sentence reads a tad weird, I'm fairly certain you meant to write it another way (: Just thought I would point that out!

Oooh so I have a random prediction that I'm sure is false. Is something fishy going on with Paris?? Victorie questions why Van would have gotten in. That sounds to me like there's something else going on here! I guess I'll just have to wait for an update!


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Author's Response: I do this a lot, actually! XD It is just the first time I've done it with this story. :) now I've done it with my fifth chapter, and it's getting worrisome because I keep catching mistakes! XD

Haha "and Victoire will adopt her." XD I don't know why, but this made me laugh so much! Haha Though, I can't give anything away, so I'll just leave you to see what happens. :)

Hmmm, I don't think it's weird. Well, what I mean is I don't think I meant it any other way. Maybe a comma placement after 'Within the next hour' ? Or else I'm so used to the phrase I'm not catching on haha. :) That's very possible!

Haha I've not been asked that, but I can assure you nothing like that is in the plans. Not now at least. Victoire is just feeling the anxiety of all these things being piled on her, that she definitely feels like a hard worker. Van being such a 'slacker' just has her a little miffed. She's just nitpicking the small details though. Van is great! :)

Thanks for the reviews and for all the concerns! I love that you've become so engaged with the story and what's happening/going to happen! It makes me super happy! I hope to see you stick around! :D


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Review #11, by love_is_magic_ The Ending of the Book

7th March 2014:
Wow! So I love the idea of a question at the end of the story! I might borrow that one! Well, yes, actually! I did think she was pregnant, but as soon as she mentioned being sick, I chalked it up to my media brainwashing that nausea=pregnancy. However, now that you ask the question... it makes me think she is pregnant!

Also, you addressed the concern of these chapters being boring. NO! Just... just no! I understand the fear, but I wouldn't say they are boring at all! It's normal for a story to take a while to get started, and I am very well entertained!

I really can't wait to see what this stuffing crumbs in the spaces between the floorboards thing is about! Honestly, when she walked into the room and heard her daughter speaking in what she perceived to be a not-so-innocent way, I was totally creeped out!

I can't wait to see where this is going! Great job, so far!


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Author's Response: Haha, go ahead :). Insure I've stolen it from someone, too. :) Hm. Preggers of not? That is that question. ;)

Yay! It's not boring! :D I get a little worried if you can't tell ;)

Haha, the stuffing comes with a chapter two updates from my recent entry! :D (Not the next, but the next!) I'm glad this is appropriately concerning xD. Emmaline is strange, yet so friggin' adorable! :D

Thank you, again, for such a lovely review and such nice compliments! :D I'm glad you're entertained and love the story as much as I do. :) I hope you'll stick around to see how it all goes down! :)


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Review #12, by love_is_magic_ Somewhere, Everyone Goes Right

7th March 2014:
Hello! Back yet again!

Okay, so this was just more of the greatness that was the first chapter. You mentioned in you A/N that you love this story... it shows! It shows in the love that you have poured into the characters. There was yet even more amazing characterisation going on here, and it was absolutely terrific! I love the way you're writing Teddy's character! He's so sweet and selfless, I can't help but adore him. Speaking of adoring your characters, could Emmaline be any cuter?! That little monkey is just too much for my poor heart!

Again, you've done a terrific job with the description. The pace of this story is so well set up, I feel like I really am a part of everything that's going on, and that's not to be understated!

Once again, amazing job! You really are an amazing writer. I honestly don't know how you do it! I love where this is going, I've loved reading it, and I can't wait to continue on!


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Author's Response: Oh my goodness! You're seriously too sweet! :D just everything you've said has me in all smiles! :D I'm so glad it hasn't gotten boring, and that my love shows through and just. Aaaah! You're too kind! :3

I just want to thank you for coming over and checking out my story! It's my big baby right now (though every story when I'm currently writing it is my big baby ;)) and I just can't stop thinking about it! :)

You really spoil me with such kind words! Thank you so much, dear! I hope you like what's to come with the next chapter! And that I continue not to disappoint!


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Review #13, by love_is_magic_ Some Personal Lives Can Do With A Little Bothering

7th March 2014:
Darn it! I knew the mail meant there was gonna be a cliff-hanger! At least you have plenty of chapters up, though! Muhahahahaha! Anyways, I'm back for moreee! What can I say, I couldn't help myself!

I love the title of this chapter by the way! It's hilarious, really sets the mood for the story, and generally kicks things off to a great start :D

You do a great job of characterisation here. Going into a Next-Gen, you never know what to expect from the characters, which I suppose is a large part of the beauty of this genre. However, it can be a bit scary and you really did do such a great job not only of introducing the characters, but introducing the story and their lives. First chapters have the danger of becoming boring, just because of all the set-up etc., but this one was honestly terrific! I laughed so hard at Victorie and Louise's conversation! It really was well done! I can't wait to read on!


Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Blackout Battle 6/15

Author's Response: Hey, the important thing is you started with Just One Memory! :D It's not important to do so, but this story is just sort of a continuation, or a follow up in should say, on Teddy. Just to show that he's done OK ;). So I'm thrilled you've come over to this story!

I hope you stick around for those more ;) I just posted chapter five!

I'm glad you like the titles. I haven't come up with original titles in a while, and I wanted them to sort of capture the essence of the chapters themselves, so I'm glad it worked and you liked it. :)

I love this generation so much, and I must say, this is my proudest Next-Gen :). I usually try doing them with these huge setups and introductions to everyone, but I think this went over smoothly, without having to go into great lengths of saying who is who. :) Again, such a wonderful compliment! :) I'm glad it wasn't boring! :D

I'm glad you laughed! When the scene first popped into my head, I laughed a lot, too! :D It sort of inspired the story in a way. I wanted the conversation, and I was wondering why Louis would need to watch Victoire's daughter, and of course the challenge I had, so everything led to this! :) I'm glad you liked it! :D

Thanks again for the read and review! And, as a double bonus, you get cookies just for coming over to this story in the first place! :D Thank you! :D


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Review #14, by Rumpelstiltskin The People Who Live In The World

4th February 2014:
*Now* I can say, whoo! I'm all caught up!

Out of all of the people that I expected to have an issue with going to Paris (*cough* Teddy), I didn't think that it would be Emmaline. I loved that her temper tantrum -- which was quite epic in itself -- was all caused because she didn't think that she could bring Robert to Paris with her. Heheh. Oh kids :D.

Comfortable underwear is an important thing to remember for a 12-hour shift :D. So the test said that she wasn't pregnant...but still, something is off about her illness. Oh gosh, I wonder what it is!

Van sounds remotely how I feel in the morning, but I do *try* to get the wrinkles out :D. Of course, try may be the operative word.

Oh my goodness, that's absolutely heartbreaking. That poor little girl! Right, I forget that her job must be very difficult...there are reasons why I never wanted to be a doctor or nurse. At least she was able to give a little bit of good news that day. Then still...the little girl.

I hope that she's okay!

Oh, anticipation.


Author's Response: Haha, it's a great feeling, yeah? :)

Teddy, not want to go to Paris? No way! Haha ;) No, poor little Emmaline is just confused to having to switch homes, leave school, and of course Robert behind. At least having Robert there with her will make everything better ;).

Isn't it! A lady must think of these things before starting her day! Heh heh heh, I'll leave you to squirm :p

Van is exactly me in the morning, while Victoire is who I want to be xD. Something tells me Van waited until the last possible moment to wake up, crawled out of bed (maybe possibly in the same scrubs as the night before) and just sort of absent mindlessly Flooed to work ;).

I'll admit, the little girl was a surprise patient on me, too. But I really wanted something to start happening, considering we are the fourth chapter in. :) It helps fill in the blanks, and it definitely added something important for later development. Though I wanted it because I didn't want to glorify being a doctor or nurse. I may not be one, but I've watched television (sitcom and reality) enough to know it is not. Though I'm glad it has added anticipation! :)

Thanks for sticking it out! I know this last chapter was a little long, but it was pretty fun to write. I'm just happy to see someone has gone through all four chapters with me so far! :) again, thank you so much! It always makes my day when I see a review from you, and it makes me want to get straight to writing the next bits. :)


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Review #15, by maraudertimes Some Personal Lives Can Do With A Little Bothering

4th February 2014:
Hiya Mae!

Ooh! I love Teddy/Victoire stories, and this one did not disappoint! I really loved how the reasoning behind Victoire and Teddy's strictly unmarried lifestyle is because they're both short on time. It's a fairly plausible reason, especially considering their jobs and the circumstances of their home life with Emmaline.

There were a few CCs I did notice though: you tend to switch up your verb tense a lot. I have a feeling this is supposed to be written in past tense, but some of your verbs are present, and you use the words 'last night' in a way that also invokes a very present tense feel.

Also, I'm pretty sure you spelled Louis 'Lewie' at one point, although that could've been only because Victoire was talking to Emmaline, so please feel free to ignore that! :)

The last thing was that at the start you mentioned how Victoire's daughter was enrolled in school? But then why would Victoire need Louis to watch Emmaline during the weekdays? Maybe just look that over quickly!

But other than that, I really did like this! The strange relationship between Van and Victoire was actually really nice to see, and I loved how Van decided to change her name just because of a movie. I also liked how Van is a lesbian, and though it was important in the background of the two women's friendship, it was only just a tidbit of information that was quickly looked over, since it's not really important to Van's character. You handled that very nicely!

And poor Louis! Not being able to see his girlfriend! That is an extremely awkward conversation to have with your sister, but I'm glad he did because it made me laugh! Victoire's reaction to Louis's concerns was priceless as well and I think she handled it much like any older sister would.

Ooh, a letter? Judging by your banner, is it saying that Victoire is going to France? Or is it something bad? I'm going to assume not, but you never know! Anyways, this was a really good first chapter and you seem to have a really good premise on your hands! I absolutely certain that with your writing skills, you will be able to take this story far!


Author's Response: Hey! Wow, thanks for stopping by! :D I'm all happy inside now! :D

I'm glad I'm not disappointing, and that their reasoning is perfectly logical. I'm really bad at coming up with things, and then finding a loophole in them later, but I'm proud of this one. It is modern, and it does explain a lot on their relationship. :)

I'll go back at some point to fix those. That's my biggest writing flaw :(. I get really caught up in the moment haha. And yes, Lewie was for Emmaline. :)

He watches her after school and sometimes has to wake her up for school, pick her up, and all the likes. Victoire's hours change, but with how much she likes proving her availability to work, she stays a lot of evenings. :) I hope that clears that up a little.

Love love love Van! I can't say that enough! :) she's so quirky and adorable, and I just love everything about her. Thank you so much on the compliments! :) it really isn't a big deal, and I didn't feel like it needed to be made into one, another aspect of this being more modern. She is probably my favorite OC at the moment. :)

Ah, the grand old sex talk. ;) so hilarious, and yet utterly embarrassing. I'm glad it made you laugh. Honestly, it was most of the inspiration for this chapter. :D

Oooh, you're observant! ;) I won't say yes or no since you still have a chapter left, but you'll soon find out and I don't think you'll be disappointed. ;)

Thank you so much! That means a lot to me! I love this story so much, and I really do want to see myself go far with it. Perhaps *gasp* even finish it! Haha it's so much fun and easy to get lost into. I'm glad, like super glad, that you liked this first chapter and I do hope that you're willing to continue on the journey and see what goes on! :D

Thanks so much!


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Review #16, by Rumpelstiltskin The Ending of the Book

2nd February 2014:
While it was my intention to get here before the new chapter was posted...well, I'm here now :D.

Heh, and I bet she's stuffing those cracks with crumbs like it is her job :D. I haven't read many Next-Gen fic, but it makes sense that they would be more in-tune with the Muggle world than the earlier generations (given that they have the opportunity for exposure). Much like the current generation of RL Muggles (heheh), the understanding of technology surpasses the majority of the older generations. Good call.

Oh yes, the mimicking age :D. That has to be a frightening age for a parent...I would have to watch what I say very, very carefully (and then hope that they forget what I say, because I would definitely slip up). Louis, don't anger the Veela women.

Vic is sick :(. Oh gods...she isn't pregnant, is she? *Gasp*

I can imagine it would be a little nerve-wracking to have your child speaking to nothing (the imaginary friend). I would find this particularly unnerving in the wizarding know, with invisibility cloaks and whatnot o.o!

Haha, I love Teddy's reaction to the imaginary friend. "My daughter is already having imaginary boyfriends. I'm going to have to have a talk with this Robert fellow. I don't like the sounds of him." Teddy grumbled. "Just because he's invisible doesn't make him good enough for my daughter." -- That was brilliant, I love that.

This was cute, but I'm no longer caught up like I had thought I would be!


Author's Response: Hey! No worries! :) it's just one more chapter ;)

Oh those cracks are her job! Haha it's so funny that you worded it that way , because it has it's own little story later down the line.

Thanks for noticing that! I don't get to read technology a lot in the next-gen fics, and I'm generally questioned on why I do it. But it's exactly what you said. This generation is barely behind our own, so I highly imagine they would be into a lot if things the Muggles are into. :) thanks for noticing!

That was one of my favorite scenes! Luckily, when this happened to me at the daycare I was working at, the word I said was "naughty". So when the child mimicked me it wasn't that bad, but she went around calling everyone naughty and there were a few tears haha. I just love writing Emmaline so much!

Hehe, you'll just have to read on to find out ;).

I was thinking about that xD. But I assure you, Robert isn't a creeper haha. Hopefully he comes around chapter five or six more and you'll laugh about all this ;).

I'm so glad you loved Teddy's response! I can't help but think he's the most amazing dad, so the scene just put a huge smile on my face. :)

Like I said, it's just one more chapter, right? Haha well, rather you like it enough to stick with it or not, I'm glad you've come this far! It means a lot to me, and it's so good to see that this story has such a positive outlook! :) thank you so much for returning all three times, and I can't wait to read further into your story as it comes along as well! :) Again, thank you so much! It really, honestly makes me so happy!


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Review #17, by Rumpelstiltskin Somewhere, Everyone Goes Right

1st February 2014:
Aha, you had me there. I definitely thought that something was wrong...but, no-- everything is fantastic :D. That was a nice little twist there.

Cross Hospital? Heheh, that was cute. I love the flaws that Victoire ultimately has: the having a child out of wedlock, barely passing her N.E.W.T.S, working too much, Teddy not being around all the time, having a quirky friend who sometimes pushes the boundaries on friendship -- they are all spectacular, really. She's definitely an interesting character, and I'm super excited for her that she obtained a position in the job she wanted :D!

I also think that you have captured little Emmaline quite well. The best thing about writing children is their innocent naivety about all matters-- while she was worried about her mother's excitement, as soon as her fear were diminished she went about her business. The child-like way of explaining things, and of course "all the colors!"-- it's all just really lovely.

Oh awesome, Van's going too! It's always fantastic when you get to bring your best friend along with you :). Erg, something about the way Victoire said that Teddy would be okay with it gives me the feeling that he is not going to be so much okay with it.

Whoo! I was wrong! He's totally okay with it!

Aww, this was a super sweet chapter! I loved it!


Author's Response: Haha I'm glad I had you squirming up until that point. :) yeah, things look up for Victoire pretty well for a while.. She deserves it.

I'm glad you like Vic. I'm working hard at making her not so one dimensional. I want her relatable, and I want people to recognize that the next generation is just about in our time frame. They're very similar to us. That's why I like next gen so much. :)

I love writing Emmaline! I babysit a lot, so I'd like to think that helps. She's just so adorable, and I hope people come to see her little quirks. She's a bright child, but I've snuck a few lisps and slurs in there because she knows how to try and act cute to try and get her way ;). I just wanna point that out now so her speech isn't confusing later haha. :)

Remember those plans I said I have for Van? Just wait ;)

Yeo! Teddy is totally OK with it! I wanted to show just how much he loves and supports her. I was going to have him have an issue with it, but I didn't think it would make much sense since they spend so much time apart anyway. It wouldn't change much except for the summer living arrangements.

I'm so glad you like it still! :) thank you so much for the review, and I hope it grows on you as much as it has grown on me! :) it makes me happy to see your reviews!


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Review #18, by Rumpelstiltskin Some Personal Lives Can Do With A Little Bothering

1st February 2014:
I apologize for the brief delay. I was having technical difficulties of the keyboard-meets-coffee variety :(. That does mean that I now have a shiny new keyboard!

I'm pleasantly surprised that Victoire is standing her ground about having a child out of wedlock. I think it's fantastic that she's holding out to have her wedding the way she wants to. With a stable relationship, a good, stable job, and being old enough to be mentally and physically capable to raise a child, she seems to be well-off in raising her child. So I think that she's perfectly entitled to ignore her mother in this perspective.

Aw, Van seems like a really good friend :D. Speaking of, I think I'm love with the name Van now *you've created a fangirl*. Furthermore, the two's interactions were quirky and humorous and I really appreciated the good-natured laughs I got out of them.

Oh, and Emmaline was absolutely precious!

Yeah, I can definitely see why Louis was a little upset that she came home really late. Poor guy has to have a personal life, after all ;). But, in Victoire's defense, she did have to stay late at work...and SHE needs a personal life herself, sounds like.

Oh gosh, talk about a cliffhanger! I hate them and love them so very much ;).

So, this was very well-written, and it flowed very well. Mostly, it was extremely enjoyable. Fantastic job, I'd say!


Author's Response: Oh wow! I'm glad you were able to replace that! That really sucks! D: You should keep those two separate ;)

Otherwise, no worries! :D I don't feel like there was a delay. :)

Oh I'm glad you agree with Victoire! I really like writing a character that stands on her own, and she was just the perfect character to do that with. I've tried writing her mean, or more girly, or like she came straight from France, but I really like this Victoire. She's so much fun to write and it makes it so much easier to get into her head! :)

Yay! Van has a fangirl! :D that's seriously awesome because I LOVE Van, as side characters come that is. :) I have so many plans for her, and she needs a fangirl. ;) She is who I hope to channel my humor through. I've never been exceptionally great with putting my humor in my writing, but Van makes it a lot easier and I've been so pleased to see that she's made it work so far. Needless to say, she's a lot of fun and I'm glad you like her. :)

Oh that little girl! How she can be a pain, though! Haha but yes, she is very adorable. I have a lot of fun writing her, too.

Louis! Oh he's a cutie! Yes, poor guy does need a personal life, but I'm afraid he'd bend over backwards for his family first. They are, after all, mainly part Veela women and he would have to suffer their wrath otherwise ;). Victoire, she's in desperate need for a little time off! I'm excited to fit something that happens in a little later because I hope we get to see just that. I'm not a Dr., nurse, or medical type person at all, so I'm just sort of winging her availability here, but I hope it turns out believable enough.

I had to do something to make it somewhat more interesting, yeah? :p

I'm so glad you liked it! :) It is really nice to know that it's been enjoyable so far (though this is the first chapter haha) and that there's no confusing bits. Most of everything I write I get those two complaints lol. But I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and thank you so much for taking the time to come back after your keyboard and coffee had a disastrous date! I hope you continue to like it, too, if you so choose to move on! :) Thanks again!

~ Mae

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Review #19, by marauderfan Some Personal Lives Can Do With A Little Bothering

16th January 2014:
Welcome back to HPFF, I see that you've returned from a hiatus :)

I really like your characterisation of Victoire here. She is pretty awesome - she's not only a mother but also a Healer, she stays on top of her work, and even with Teddy not around she does well as a single mum (I know, she's not single, but if Teddy is a professor I imagine he's away a lot, so Vic does most of the work taking care of Emmaline at this point.) She's so strong, and I love that in female lead characters.

It must be so hard for her to be away from Teddy for that long though! I hope they get to see each other more often than just the school holidays :(

I also really liked your descriptions of the hospital and the absurd late night shifts they have to work. Victoire's tiredness was really evident after working such a long day, poor thing.

Someone ate a gnome?!?! Eek...

Her conversation with Louis was hilariously awkward. Or awkwardly hilarious. Anyway, its cute that he takes care of Emmaline. Btw, Emmaline is such a cute kid :)

Oh dear, what is in that letter? Good thing or bad thing? :O

Author's Response: Thanks, darlin'! :D

Victoire is pretty awesome when it gets down to it. She juggles all of the things a more modern mom would do, and I think that's totally something she'd be doing since her generation is technically only like, a few years behind ours. Don't worry, though. I keep referring to her as a single mum and I have to go back in fix it because I don't want anyone freaking out about her and Teddy lol.

She actually gets to see him most weekends, whenever he's not busy he can come down. Or she goes up every once in a while, though work doesn't always allow them to see one another, and that's not just his job in the way.

It's a week away from the summer holiday! :D They'll most definitely get the chance to see one another more than they do at the moment! :D

Yeah! Isn't that gross! I think he just really wanted to get rid of the little buggers once and for all. Or maybe he just wanted those pain potions ;).

It was awkward in all it's hilarity! haha :) I had so much fun writing that scene, and I could picture the two of them so clearly that I had to stop to laugh a little while myself. He loves Emmaline, though, so he doesn't take to complaining too much. But a promise is a promise after all, right?

Read on! :D The letter is a mystery from here ;)

Thank you so much for the lovely review and welcome! :D I'm smiling from ear to ear right now! :3


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Review #20, by LightLeviosa5443 Somewhere, Everyone Goes Right

14th January 2014:
Yay chapter 2!

It was even better than chapter 1! I was so worried that when Teddy found out that he was going to be like "Oh no, I don't want you to go, we can't go", but he didn't! He's so loveable and awesome and cuddly and I kind of want to marry him because he's just so perfect!

Anyways, aside from my gushing (incoming more gushing): I think that Victoire is adorable, because she's not this proper pristine perfect little veela girl. She's a likeable, relatable woman who works hard for what she has. I love it. I love this story. You're doing a wonderful job.

I can't wait for an update!!

xoxo LL

Author's Response: You're too sweet! Thank you so much! :3

I'll admit that at first I was thinking that maybe Teddy would hesitate a little, but him saying yes right away and being excited about it sounded right. I know how much they love one another and they are definitely willing to work it out with one another. They've both been raised in this super loving and accepting family, and I think it helps them appreciate what the other does even more.

That's such a huge compliment on Victoire's bit! I want her to be as real of a woman as possible. She's one of my favorite characters that I've written to date and she is a lot easier to write than I ever thought imaginable.

Again, you're too sweet :). I'm so happy that you love it, and I'll let you know that I've already started on chapter three. Knowing me I'll probably have it finished by tonight, but it probably won't get into the queue itself until late Wednesday or early Thursday. You know, just so you can keep tabs ;). Thank you so much! Your reviews were lovely!


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Review #21, by LightLeviosa5443 Some Personal Lives Can Do With A Little Bothering

14th January 2014:

So I responded to your status and then realized I hadn't read the first chapter! Silly me! It was a pleasure to read, though!

I really enjoy Victoire/Teddy stories, and I hate to admit that I forget about them sometimes. I'm so glad that this story has brought them back to my attention, though, because I'm really enjoying them. This story is making me wonder if I should go comb through some more Teddy/Vic stories so I can read some more! Or write my own! Oh no, what's been started.

I really enjoyed how you explained how busy their life was, and I like that you made Vic and Teddy a little unconventional. I have read a couple of Vic/Teddy stories and I don't think I've ever read one where Victoire got pregnant before they got married. I've always seen her portrayed as extremely similar to Fleur. I kind of like the change!

Louis is hilarious, I really enjoyed his little freak out. It was completely believable and definitely something that a little brother probably would say. As selfish as it was. I can't wait to read what that letter said! Oh and her daughter is so darn cute!!

xoxo LL

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reviewing! :D

Silly you :p going and trying to jump ahead to the end haha.

No! Don't read more! It must be mine and only mine! I'm your precious. XD I'm only joking! I'm so glad that I opened that chapter back up in your life! I've never actually read a Teddy/Victoire story before (that I can remember) so I think that helps me make them different from how others see them. Though I've read stories with Victoire appearing in them, and I always get a sense that her and Dom are like their mom and Louis is like Bill. I think it's the male/female role coming in.

I've always figured Bill was Fleur's soother. She still has her school girl day's traits, but she's happy with Bill and her family, even if they don't believe in being as traditional as she is.

I'm so in love with Emmaline. If she were real, I'd totally babysit her all the time!

Thank you so much for coming by and reading/reviewing! :) it's always lovely to come home to after a long day at work! :)


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Review #22, by 800 words of heaven Some Personal Lives Can Do With A Little Bothering

13th January 2014:
Heya! I had a bit of spare time, so I was stalking the forums (as one does) and I noticed that your story was in need of a little love - so here I am, loving it up!

I love me a good Teddy/Victoire, so when I saw the summary I got pretty excited. Then I read the first line, and I was like "Oh no! Not a pregnancy story!" I don't usually read them, but I was pleasantly surprised that this is more of a post-pregnancy story. The angle that you've taken is far more interesting, in my opinion, and I'm curious to see where you take it.

Fleur is a piece of work! I love weddings in general, so perhaps she's just like me, and just desperately wants to go to a wedding. That's probably not the case, but I'd love to see more of her dramatics in chapters to come.

I'm really, really intrigued to find out what was in that letter from Teddy. It's a break-up letter, isn't it? They always are. No one screams at receiving a love letter. Oh Em Gee, my heart is already breaking, and we haven't even met Teddy yet!

Good luck with the next chapter, as well as the challenge! I'll be keeping an eye out for the next update :)

Author's Response: Yay for love! :D Thanks so much for stopping by and reviewing!

Yay for sticking by after the first sentence! Yes, this is not a pregnancy story. It is most definitely post pregnant haha. :)

Actually, Fleur really DOES want to have a wedding, but her morals over the situation do happen to overrun that matter ;).

Actually, let me ease your mind a little. She already read the letter from Teddy. It's the second letter that she discarded at first that made her scream. There is no Teddy break-up letter. :) I hope that eases your mind a little.

Thank you so much! I'm almost done writing the second chapter. If things go my way, I should enter it in the queue tonight (if I can edit it in time).


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Review #23, by milominderbinder Some Personal Lives Can Do With A Little Bothering

13th January 2014:
Hi hon! Reviewing your entry for the Modern Romance challenge :D

Aww, I really loved this! This was a great idea and fits perfectly with the theme of the challenge. I love Victoire's reasons for not getting married - they really are entirely practical and it's clear she's not that bothered by it, and her exasperation at her mother being the only one who couldn't accept it is very realistic!

I think the strongest aspect of lovely this is your characters. You seem to develop them really well in a short space of time, and they all seem realistic and likeable and are lovely to read about. I love Victoire - she's so practical and down to earth, and it's a real change from how I often see her characterised. That uniqueness in her character makes this especially cool to read, as it feels very fresh. Louis made me laugh as well, though we obviously saw less of him, his conversation with Victoire at the end was just perfect. It's also really a cool idea to have him as Emmaline's 'childminder' or whatever. It's so cute to keep the childcare in the family like that :)

Emmaline is also great! It can be super hard to write kids but you did such a good job here. She seems super cute and I can't wait to read more about her, and Victoire's interactions with her :)

Can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter ! Thanks so much for entering my challenge xxx


Author's Response: Aw, hey! :D Thanks for coming to check it out so soon! :) My tummy tingles with joy that you love it! :)

I really sort of got the idea of her being happy with not being married by a friend of mine. Of course, she did end up getting married, but she was content on just being a mother with her boyfriend for the rest of her life. It was his parents that wanted the wedding lol.

Thanks for that comment on the characters! :D This set has got me all excited because the more I think, the more I already feel connected to them. Van is one of my favorites. :) As for Victoire, I really wanted her to be toned down as compared to other people's fics. I wanted the strong reminder that she is not ONLY Fleur's daughter, but Bill's, too. Which makes her a Weasley.

The first time I wrote the chapter, I actually had Dominique as the 'childminder', but I really felt like a male role would be much better keeping in mind that Teddy is at work. It seemed to fit much better, and it was just too cute to pass up.

Little Emmaline in my mind is like a little Merida from Brave haha.

Thank you so much for stopping by! I hope to be finished with my next chapter soon! I want to thank you so much for the awesome prompt! I'm excited to delve further into the story! :)


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Review #24, by Lululuna Some Personal Lives Can Do With A Little Bothering

13th January 2014:
Hi! :) I'm here for our review swap!

I really like this! It was a cool approach to the modern romance challenge, and I especially liked how Teddy and Victoire had a child when they were out of Hogwarts and don't feel the need or have the time to get married. I feel that's very relatable for modern couples since the stigma against having a child out of wedlock has gone down- well, hopefully. It was also interesting that they have a long distance relationship - do they perhaps go to Hogwarts on the weekends, or are they planning to live in Hogsmeade or something? It seems a little sad that despite having all these really easy means of long distance travel they'd only get to see Teddy on holidays! :(

Victoire seems like a fantastic character, she's funny and relatable, and clearly balances being a good loving mum with being carefree and still a little immature at times. I really liked the detail about her picking up extra shifts at work to prove herself to her boss. It was a great feminist moment and shows how she might have been discriminated against - as so many women professionals are - for having a child and being a little distracted. Vic here is very engaging and I like her a lot already.

I was wondering, does Louis get payed by Victoire for babysitting? I'm really hoping so, or else he must get a lot of money from their parents to survive! :P I liked his outburst, it made me laugh and seemed very realistic as Victoire definitely does take him a little for granted. The idea of him having to answer to his girlfriend about not having a real job and not being around was very funny as well.

A couple little nitpicky things: Louis is the first person to mention his "sex life", but then he freaks out at Victoire for saying it once. You might consider changing his line so that he just alludes to his sex life and then having Victoire mention it a little more for that line's impact to sink in a little. Just a thought! :)

I also noticed that in the second paragraph there's a switch into present progressive tense (or maybe it's just present tense, I'm not sure). But it did disrupt the flow a little and would make more sense in past tense. This happened again in the paragraph where Van and Victoire's "semi-romantic relationship" was described. :)

Also, I think you said Emmaline was five years old, but then she's also described as a toddler. Toddlers are (according to wikipedia) between the ages of one to three, so that was a little confusing but easily fixed.

Good job, I really enjoyed this and am very curious about what's in the letter! :D It was a great beginning to your story!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for getting over so quickly! :) I'm heading over to read yours here in a bit. It's been a busy errand-filled day!

First off, I'm so glad you like it! :) I'm really proud of it seeing as I haven't written a lot of lighthearted stories in a while. As to how often they see each other is maybe every other weekend or so. He can't come home every weekend because he has assignments to grade, students to watch, and the whole whatnots of being a professor. :) Occasionally Victoire will bring Emmaline up for a weekend visit at Hogsmeade or something if it's been a little too long since they've seen each other last.

One of my weaknesses is having very reliant female characters, and I wanted to take Vic on another level. Seeing as how it's supposed to be a modern romance and she's an unwed mother with a good job and no time, and happily in love with Teddy, I figured she would be strong. I'm so happy that you caught that! I might do a little happy dance that it's succeeding! haha

It's mentioned right before Louis leaves that Victoire pays him for his week of working. I have it sort of set up in my mind (and you will notice later in the story) that Victoire and Louis are pretty dependant from their parents. Dominique will be a little bit of a different story, but I feel that it's what makes them as strong as you'll see them be.

I thought about the sex life comment, and I think of it as he was trying to sort of make his sister uncomfortable first, but his plan backfired and she used the discomfort on him instead. Some ol' sibling backfiring haha.

If those two spots are the only ones that really stuck out, then I'm super relieved! That's my absolute biggest writing flaw and I worked so hard on fixing that this chapter! I'll see about going back and fixing that haha. Thanks for pointing them out!

Emmaline is five. I didn't know there was a technical age range for toddlers haha. Thanks for letting me know! I'll fix that up with the other things.

Thank you so much for stopping by! I'm happy you liked it! I'm halfway finished with chapter two and I'm having a lot of fun with it. This was a good prompt, yeah? Best of luck to you, too! :D (Even though I'm about to go read it now xD)


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