Reading Reviews for Watercolours
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Faith100z Watercolours

7th March 2014:
Hello! This was such a beautiful one-shot, well done!

I have a soft spot for second person POV, so I loved the style of this. So many of the lines were really meaningful and held so much significance, especially since all the character's stories/lives end so badly. My favourite was probably this one: "The war was looming outside, waiting for them to be released into the real world so it could envelope them all, and slowly kill them." It's just so honest and heartbreaking.

The entire thing was so bittersweet, you've done a great job at writing sad stories in a good way. I thought your characterization was very realistic, since they all had both good and bad traits.

Overall, this was brilliant, great job!

- Faith :)

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Review #2, by Infinityx Watercolours

15th January 2014:
Hi! I'm here for the BvB review battle!

First of all, I absolutely love the thinking behind this story. Paintings are such deep, beautiful things and to write about characters in terms of colors on a canvas is brilliant, and I think you've really done justice to the idea. :)

I think you've done an excellent job of writing in second person. It really fits with this story - well, I don't know if I should call it a story. It's more like a work of art. But my point is, the second person really gives this a wonderful touch.

I found a few small punctuation errors here and there. I suggest you go over this once again and correct those for they interrupt the flow while reading.
One other thing that caught my attention was that while describing the characters, it felt like you were repeating certain attributes about them. It doesn't strike out, but at times I felt like better words could have been used to describe them. But I guess, the simple words and tone used here add to the beauty of the piece. I suggest you read through this again yourself, for I find that most times, it's better to analyze one's own words rather than someone else do it for you.

I love how you've ended it. One of my favorite lines is
Its imperfections were enough to prove to you that as one colour leaks out, they will all begin to fall apart.
There's so much powerful imagery in this that it's almost overwhelming. Also, the last line seems to keep resonating even after it's been read. I think that's just fabulous.

I'm so glad I read this. It was really something unique and a beautiful idea that's been wonderfully put into words. Great job! :)

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks for such a lovely review! I did notice the errors, and will be cleaning them up soon. Time just needs to let me get to it!

Thanks so, so much!

-Janelle


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Review #3, by kenpo Watercolours

11th January 2014:
Hey, here for our swap! You already know that I enjoyed this, but I thought I'd leave you some comments that aren't about grammar or tenses:)

This is such a beautiful story. Really, it isn't a story. I love that. It doesn't really have a narrative. Nothing actually happens, there's no real plot... it's just about the characters and about the relationships between them and the unit that they create. It's so awesome and unique.

I love thinking of them as a painting. It fits, thinking that they all have roles that they play and they're all important.

The ending was so strong, with the chain of events that would lead to the demise of the group. It was sad but also beautiful and just so well written.

I like the second person here. I think it very effectively takes all of the focus off of the narrator and onto the subjects of the narrative.

This was really beautifully written.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the great review!

-Janelle


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Review #4, by navyfail Watercolours

11th January 2014:
Hello! I'm here from the review swap!

I honestly don't know what to say. This is more than a story but an analysis, a sheet of music, a piece of art... a beautiful painting with many layers.

You pulled off second person off really, really well. I enjoyed reading every word of this one-shot. The descriptions and thoughts in this are amazing. I loved how you not only explain what part they have in the canvas but also how they balance and contrast each other. And that ending isn't too fast or too slow but just right.

A couple things I noticed:

"You watched him as he pranced about the castle, as though he owned the damn place Chin high in the air and walk relaxed into a saunter, he was a terror to younger boys and dream man to the girls." I'm guessing there is supposed to be two sentences here so there should be a period between 'place' and 'Chin.'

"He was fond of Quidditch, was an extremely gorgeous, and loved girls. " There should be a noun after 'gorgeous' since 'an extremely gorgeous' doesn't make much sense.

Overall, this is a terrific one-shot that I've had the pleasure of reading! I'm glad we did the review swap. And the last sentence is still stuck in my mind.

10/10
~Sama

Author's Response: Sama!

Thanks for the lovely review. I'll go through and fix those grammatical errors. I'm so pleased that you liked it! It means a lot.

Thanks!

-Janelle


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