Reading Reviews for The Monopoly on Honour
  
35 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Snowdrop Selkie Do we not Suffer?

2nd April 2015:
*screeches a greeting* *goes underwater*

Ahem, sorry about that, it's been awhile since I've ventured above the depths of the Black Lake for something to read. Please excuse my english as well, my native tongue is Mermish but very few humans can actually understand it.

So I really love Drastoria stories, there aren't nearly enough of them in my opinion.

This is a really good opening chapter, you've done a good job of establishing the conflict right away. I think it's really interesting how the tides have turned for the purebloods and how they're are the ones being hunted now. It's almost like what you humans call "karma". However as we can see, not all of them are deserving of it.

I also liked the characterisation in this chapter. Draco and Astoria are so sweet, I love their little nicknames for each other based off their names and I really enjoyed reading their interactions with each other, particularly the maze scene. Lucius surprised me, he is much more gentle than I was expecting, but it's nice to see the softer side to him and to see the side of him that Draco had looked up to for so many years.

I think I only caught one typo, "So Hero and Julian and I", I'm presuming that Julian should be Juliet? And also I was a bit confused by the fact that the Malfoys don't seem to be grieving for their lost daughter/sister at all? Perhaps they are not the types to show their loss but I'm presuming you're going to expand on that in later chapters.

Anyways, I am afraid I must leave now as my pet Grindylow needs to be fed. This was a great first chapter to a promising story and I'll definitely be back to read more.

Snowdrop Selkie

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm sorry for the late reply, and because I can't reply in Mermish :p

Oh, the tide has definitely turned against them, but many are caught in that web who don't deserve to be there. I can't say who, exactly, because that would be spoiling things, but the whole idea behind Monopoly is that I always thought things concerning the post-war trials and the Slytherins wouldn't be so clear-cut, and black and white, and this is exploring that.

It's nice to see a more positive interpretation of Draco and Astoria being appreciated (I think she's often characterised as a trophy wife, which is sad). The maze scene was actually a late addition to the chapter, so I'm glad you like it.

Ah, if you're surprised by Lucius now, Just you wait. I always thought there was much more to him than is explicitly portrayed in canon, as I think he's a person who consciously layers himself, and definitely plays to the crowd slightly - what you see is what he wants you to see, and isn't necessarily anywhere near the whole truth.

Thanks for pointing out the typo, I'll go back and correct it! As to grieving for Hero, I promise there's more of that coming, although I don't necessarily think the Malfoy way of showing grief equates with loud weeping.

Thank you so much for your review!

Celi xxx


 Report Review

Review #2, by crestwood The Virtuous

20th February 2015:
Hi! Here for the Slytherin Hot Seat. I was really excited to see that this had a new chapter!

Your quotes for each chapter are always so perfectly summative--I'm not sure if you write them with the quotes in mind or what, but they're just always so spot on.

Alicia's point of view is one of my favorites I've ever read. You just slip into her voice so seamlessly and the way she sees the world is most interesting in my opinion.

The description is amazing and the focus you give the painting and the way culture can humanize people was especially thought provoking. Lucius is pretty awesome here. He's so calm and collected and honestly really cool in a weird way that I can't really express.

I'm not going to pretend I'm not enjoying the fact that Ron is being humiliated here. Seeing him flustered through all of this is undeniably funny, even if we typically are meant to be rooting for him.

I assumed that Ron had killed the child, but I didn't think he'd be so proud of it... I am certainly still not a fan of his. I can't believe he turned his wand on her. That was pretty foul, even for him. I feel sorry for Alicia being caught up in all of this. 'After all, Iím only collateral damage.' was an stunningly haunting way to end the section.

I have no clue who the last section is about, nor how it connects to the rest of the story, but I'm interested. This is so incredibly well written. Again, your sensory details are off the charts. This kind of magic being discussed and all of this rooftop leaping is actually so exciting!! I want to know more about the lady of the night! Anything about her is very, very welcome. This was really, really great. This is the best chapter yet, by far. Exceptional throughout, down to every last word. Amazing work.

Author's Response: Hi Joey!

I'm so sorry for the late reply - RL has been pretty chaotic these past few months, but the next few weeks should be quieter.

YOU PICKED UP ON THE QUOTES! YAY! And you liked them! You're completely right, the quotes are actually quite an integral part of how the story and individual chapter is constructed. The whole idea for Monopoly actually originated from a quote (From Downton Abbey, of all things!) which was: 'You do not have the monopoly on honour,' hence the title. Combined with Shakespeare's Richard III 'I am determined to play the villain' speech (major inspiration for my take on Lucius, by the way :) )

I really like Alicia, actually. The only reason she's in the story at all is because I needed a minor Gryffindor character who really learns throughout Monopoly where her loyalties truly lie, and not having strong ties to either the Order or the Voldemort supporters means that she can embody a third maverick politico-legal faction. Talking of the third faction, it isn't limited to the Guild - look out for some (hopefully) interesting and surprising cameos!

I think she's one of the few in this story who doesn't have any ulterior motives, and it's a nice contrast to be able to write about someone who is learning the political and legal ropes compared to those who know them already!

Oh, I definitely think you're right about culture humanising people, and there is a lot more of that coming in later chapters! It's great to hear you liked it, because those things do require a lot of research. I'm currently thinking of a way to integrate the Vatican Map Gallery into this (for my latest research project - I actually got to view it outside opening hours, which was the most inspiring, incredible experience!)

I actually have an enormous amount of fun writing Lucius, because underneath the calm veneer, he is so complex, hence why I think that Richard III quote fits so perfectly.

All I'll say with Ron, is please, please, bear with me! I promise that there is a perfectly good reason for this - my intention is not to demonise him, far from it, actually.

'Collateral damage', indeed. I think Alicia is already starting to question her loyalties, and this incident (and I know that was an evil cliffhanger - sorry!) will cause a shift in her opinions.

The last section - I'm happy you thought that was suitably mysterious, because I have a lot of trouble walking that fine line between divulging too much information or not giving the reader enough, so your praise means a lot, thank you! :)

All I'll say is that, so far, we've been introduced to the corridors of power. Now, we're about to dive into the shadows.

You picked up on the rooftop leaping and the magic - there's a lot more of that to come, and it's going to play an important part in this. It's so incredibly encouraging when you and other readers get interested and discuss this kind of thing with me, so thank you!

Thanks so much for your reviews - they're always so in depth, enjoyable to read, and really push me to make sure that I've really thought everything through properly!

Celi xxx


 Report Review

Review #3, by rennycake Do we not Suffer?

14th February 2015:
Hi!! Oh WOW! This is amazing! First I luv stories about
Draco Malyfoy and this was soo amazing. I luv any Draco
ship and I'm in luv with Draco and Astoria already!!
The maze scene was so cute! :D And how they call each
other star and dragon. Your writing is so good and i
luv all your beautiful descriptions!!

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks so much for your review - I'm really glad you liked it! I'm really enjoying writing Draco and Astoria, too :) Thank you so much for all your compliments, it's really encouraging!

Celi xxx


 Report Review

Review #4, by Chivalrous Her Bellatrix Lestrange

30th December 2014:
Can I just say wow?

I absolutely loved this!

I'll just get right to the review, because I'm so ready to tell you how amazing this is.

Your attention to detail is meticulous and wonderful. The details involving the Guild are awesome and I loved that entire part of the story!

In terms of characters, Magnus Darling is very interesting and I'd love to see more from him and get more information on his background. He sparks so much curiosity from me, I love it!

Alicia is a wonderfully portrayed Gryffindor. She is brave, but she's not stupid or headstrong and that really defines her as a character and sets her apart from all the other Gryffindors we know. (I'm looking at you, Ron Weasley!)

Astoria absolutely slays. There is nothing about her that I don't love. The way you've portrayed her is wonderful and since she is one of my favorite characters from the series I thank you!

I need more Draco! He's absolutely darling and I'm dying for more!

Lucius and Narcissa are wonderfully in canon. I've always had a soft spot for them, especially Lucius. I'm dying to know what his plan is! I'm assuming that it's some sort of self-sacrifice, but part of me hopes not, because I find his character very intriguing and I want more of him.

Daphne and Theodore! I'm so upset about Theo getting chunked into Azkaban! The relationship between him and Daphne was wonderfully placed, but I kinda wanna hit you for ripping them apart... Just kidding, I love the intensity it added to the story!

I can tell that you've put an intense amount of thought into your story and that's great! Sometimes though, your pacing is a bit too fast and sometimes I felt lost in all the new information. It's not that big of a deal, but it just adds a tad bit of confusion to a wonderful story!

Your plot, on the other hand, is executed brilliantly and I can really tell that every single scene means something and adds to the plot!

I absolutely love this story! I'm so excited for it!

You're a brilliant writer and I love the tone of this story!

A wonderful read!

Sincerely,
Ireland

 Report Review

Review #5, by adluvshp Do we not Suffer?

15th October 2014:
Hello! I'm finally here with your requested review; though I'm awfully late with it so I'm really sorry! RL had me swamped!

Anyway, I think this was a brilliant start to your story. I love how the entire thing is so dark and yet so emotion-evoking. It is really beautifully written and had me hooked from beginning to end of the chapter. The backdrop of the story is this complex politics and I love that; it's so different from the usual Draco/Astoria romances out there.

I absolutely love your characterisations of Draco and Astoria as well. I think you've got them crafted out pretty well and in quite a realistic manner. Plot-wise, you've introduced just enough in this first chapter without giving a lot away, and as I say, moderation is the key, so I love that. The scene is set, the characters pretty much introduced, and yet there are some underlying themes waiting to be revealed, so it maintains the reader interest.

Ooh and I also have to say that I like your portrayal of Lucius. It is quite different from how we usually see him portrayed, but nonetheless, it's unique and interesting, and certainly believable with your writing style.

Great job so far, and I don't have any CC to give you!

Cheers,
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hi!

Don't worry about it - RL happens to us all :)

Thank you so much for such a kind review, it really is so encouraging, especially as it's now my NaNo rebel project :) Dark and emotional was what I was going for - I'm starting to think it's the only sort of thing I can write haha :p

Ah, complex politics indeed. It was one of the starting themes of the story - I wanted to write something which really explored both Pureblood and also wider Wizarding politics - and what better time to choose than just after Voldemort's Fall, and as concerns Draco and Astoria specifically, what made them the people we see in the Next-Gen?

Underlying themes, yes, the story expands into the wider world after the third chapter, when we leave Malfoy Manor, and are introduced to a third faction. The scene is set indeed, and now the pieces must indeed begin to move.

Ah, Lucius. Definitely one of my favourite characters to write, because he's just so interesting and fascinating. I wanted to go beyond the archetypical portrayal of Lucius as a cold-hearted villain; that said - am I planning on making him a hero? Not in the slightest :)

I'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks so much once again for the review :)

Celi xxx


 Report Review

Review #6, by maryhead Do we not Suffer?

9th October 2014:
Hey there! I am here for a review you requested a while ago. Well, more than a while. I could stay hours writing why it took me so much to read and comment your story, but I don't think you'll be much interested in reading it ;).

So, this first, wonderful chapter. I've always been particularly fond of the Malfoys, especially after the last books/films, so I was so happy when I found out this story was going to be told in their POV, and I was even happier when I discovered you were going to describe them as good, albeit not "Light" characters of the story. It is an interesting perceptive, quite delicate if you ask me, but you managed to deal with it superbly. I felt sorry, truly sorry for the characters JK had made us despise for at least five books out of seven, and I almost started a mental hate parade against the light supporters for the awful way in which they had used Unforgivables on children. The part of Selena's horrible memory shocked me initially, but I shouldn't have been so surprised. It was war and, as you explained in such a wonderful way, both parts had their faults. I really hope some solution will be found for our Slytherin friends, maybe coming from the bespectacled hero we all love?

I truly enjoyed reading this chapter, a thing that, I have to admit, doesn't happen that often anymore. Your style is amazing, perfectly fluent and wonderfully descriptive. I could breathe the tragedy in the air, but you never were excessive in your description of tension and sorrow. It was elegant and collected, absolutely fitting to the characters you are describing.

Very, very good job! Please, re request whenever you like!

Maryhead!

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks so much for the review, and I completely understand about real life taking over - it happens to us all, so don't worry about it :) Also - thanks so much for the shout-out on the forums, it means so much.

Yes, I've always found the Malfoys to be some of the most fascinating characters JKR wrote. Indeed, the distinction between good and evil is something I'm really going to explore in this fic - I'm flattered you think I've managed to present this in a balanced way. The Malfoys are definitely the main characters in this, the protagonists, but as to whether or not they can be called heroes - well, that's another question entirely!

The whole idea of including the 'Unforgivables on children' came from the idea that during the First War, the Ministry condoned Aurors using them. So the logical extension of that was, well, why not in the second war? It is war indeed, and war is a horrible thing, and I didn't think it was realistic for atrocities to only be committed by one side.

On a solution for the Malfoys and Greengrasses - without wanting to give too much away, I think it's safe to say that things will get far worse before they get better. After all, as Draco says in this chapter: for them, it is only the beginning of another nightmare. Harry will make an appearance later on, which will hopefully surprise people, but in a good way.

You enjoyed it? That's brilliant, thank you so much. It's so encouraging to hear that. And my style - gosh, thank you so much! I spent a fair amount of time on it, so it's fantastic to see it being appreciated. I think it's also integral to the story itself - I'm trying to write it in a particular way, and there's a specific reason for it.

Thank you so much for such a lovely, lovely review!

Celi xxx


 Report Review

Review #7, by crestwood Her Bellatrix Lestrange

9th October 2014:
Hi Celi!

I've been anticipating this chapter for quite some time. This is far and wide the best so far, even if I've already said that before. I may have thought a previous chapter was the best, but then THIS happened.

The quote at the beginning was, well, perfect. All of the ways that makes sense here in this context is not lost on me.

I love the characterization of Alicia Spinnet here, as this lawyer Guild member being taken along on an Auror mission. She's out of her element, but she keeps a cool head. She is utterly professional and focused. I can't even speak to all of the ways she impressed me in this chapter. Her and Ron's banter was so entertaining here!

And speaking of Ron - I'm not a fan of his at all. I mean, I understand the cause of his anger, but he really needs to be brought down a few pegs in this story. His arrogance and vengeful spirit is a just way too much. That being said, he's wonderfully characterized as well. I dislike him personally, but objectively he is a huge part of what drives this chapter and makes it so good.

The idea of the tangible magic and the way you describe the wards around Malfoy Manor is just above and beyond anything else. I assume that 'the figure' is Astoria and she seems so powerful within the confines of the Manor because she now knows all of the secrets given to her by Lucius. She was incredibly ominous and terrifying here. I adore the way you explore the viewpoints of both sides of the war. I just can't get enough of this. I can't wait for the next chapter. This was amazing!

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks so much for your review, I'm happy you enjoyed the chapter.

YOU PICKED UP ON THE QUOTE! YAY! That makes me so happy - because they do actually tie in with what goes on in the chapter, so it's nice when people get it. The Iliad quote seemed appropriate for several reasons. I suppose the first is that, amongst other things, I'm a Hellenist, so I take a lot of inspiration from ancient Greek writings. Secondly, I find that their attitude to war very, very interesting: when you read things like the Iliad, you notice that importance is attached to concepts like glory and honour etc, but death and the negative impacts of war on people's lives is not shied away from but actually described in graphic detail - it is paradoxically both concerned with gods and gritty realism. Another thing that struck me was that in Ancient Greek texts, the concept exists that you can be someone's mortal enemy and fight them to the death, but that you can also respect them, admire them and like them on a personal level, and I suppose I just couldn't resist exploring that through Alicia!

Speaking of, I'm glad you like her. I think that she is one of the very few characters in this who definitely has far more good in her than evil - but we see that even she is not infallible. And yes, I did enjoy writing her exchange of wits with Ron, so I'm happy it came across the way I intended!

On Ron; I must admit to being slightly confused. Was it the portrayal of him you didn't like, or did you think that he needs to tone his views down? (I hope that question made sense! :)) If the latter, I am planning on delving deeper into his psyche and giving him more screen time in later chapters.

The idea of the wards came from me thinking about the ways in which Malfoy Manor would be protected, and because I knew that I wanted to write the scene from Alicia's perspective, the two fused together. That's where the idea of the protection module came from. And then it developed into me thinking how, specifically, the Malfoys would approach it, which led to the use of blood magic. From a conceptual and dramatic point of view, it's nice to see it being appreciated!

On whether or not the figure is indeed Astoria, I cannot possibly comment, but all shall be revealed soon enough in a hopefully surprising way *evil laugh*.

Both viewpoints indeed :) I think I've been watching too much Game of Thrones recently - complex political situations really are my thing, and well, combined with Harry Potter, it's like being able to play with the best toys ever :p!

It's so encouraging to hear that you've enjoyed it. Chapter VI is currently with my beta, and as soon as I get it back I shall pop it into the queue :)

Thanks so much once again for your review!

Celi xxx


 Report Review

Review #8, by Gabriella Hunter Her Bellatrix Lestrange

3rd October 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and it's good to be back! I was wondering where you had vanished. :D

So, we're back to Alicia right now and I have to say that this chapter was really intense. I was practically chewing on my nails reading this, I expected everything to go wrong and while it kind of did in some way, I was relieved that no one was killed.

What I liked about this was that you showed what could happen to victims on both sides of the War. I thought that you wrote Ron very well here, he's grieving and angry, we all know that he isn't the sort to think clearly all the time when he's like this and I was really worried about him. I think that you showed what damage could be done from losing a loved one in such a horrible way and even though he sort of made me want to punch him every now and then, I could understand. I don't think he's the right person for the job though and the Ministry is awfully shady, sending him out there with the intention of the mention going wrong. >:(

Alicia is strong willed though and very professional, I admired her determination. I think that she's able to understand more about the suffering of the War without a biased opinion and I really enjoyed that.

That ending though has me kind of anxious...I can't wait to read on! I would leave you a longer review but I can't gush for hours about this so I hope this will be enough!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Thanks so much for your review! Like I said, this chapter is kind of slightly *very* late - RL is a killer at this point in rainy, stormy October :)

Intense was certainly what I was going for, so thanks! Expecting things to go wrong, well, yes, I'd certainly agree with you there - but I wouldn't be too hasty; Alicia and co haven't actually arrested the Malfoys yet. I promise, there's lots more intense *hopefully - that's the idea, anyway :p* stuff coming up soon. Chapter VI is currently with my beta, and as soon as I get it back, I'll put it straight in the queue!

Victims on both sides of the war, indeed, and I think it's something that is all to often forgotten. You find out more about it in the next chapter, I swear!

Gosh, I'm so glad you liked my portrayal of Ron, because I really struggled with it when I was writing this bit. Trying to do him justice, to make him coherent with canon but show how the war affected him, and create a bit of conflict with Alicia, I think was definitely an exercise in balance for me! You wanted to punch him on occasion? Glad to know I'm not the only one! :p But of course, he does justify his actions to himself.

Interesting you should say the Ministry is being shady - I definitely agree. But there is a whole lot more to it which you find out, not in the next chapter, but the one after. The Ministry's position in this whole situation is one I'm really excited about exploring - they are in a very uncertain, tenuous position.

On Alicia - thank you! Hopefully she's a credit to her old Hogwarts house. I have a lot of fun writing her. Obviously I can't say much, but things are not about to get any easier for her haha. (I know, I'm evil :p)

Ah, the ending. It's sort of a Beethoven's 5th moment, isn't it? (Or at least to me, but that might be because I was listening to it when I wrote the ending!)

Thanks so much for your review!

Celi xxx


 Report Review

Review #9, by Gabriella Hunter The House of the Brave

14th September 2014:
Hello!

Its been a while since I've stopped by and I was wondering what had happened with this story, you kind of left me on a major cliffhanger.

So, we're getting a few more details about the Wizarding world and the aftermath of the War. I was really curious to see how you would portray that and while I can understand some of what Daphne was saying, I think that her views are awfully biased. I'm not saying that there weren't any Slytherin casualties but she's sort of blindsided by anger here and I think that that might be a problem later. I did like the mention of Hermione and the memorial though, I think a lot of people have used that idea but you put a lot of detail into it, there was still a lot of pain of course but the descriptions were beautiful.

Now, I'm really curious about this POV change and I don't really read too much about Alicia. I think that she's a good character to switch over with, since she'll have different feelings towards Death Eaters and the War itself. This Guild that you've created seems interesting and the news over what the Aurors did to the Nott family just...that had me so furious and upset. I wonder what's going to happen now, when Alicia is going with the Aurors? I don't think its going to be anything good. Magnus seems like a calculating sort but he's got a steady mind and I think that he's only doing his best with what they have but I'll be curious to see how he develops later.

I can't wait to check out what happens next so don't be shy about coming back! I didn't spot any CC's either so good job!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

I'm so sorry I my reply to you is so late; I've been incredibly busy - three weeks into my new job and I'm snowed under!

Oh, of course Daphne is biased. Completely. But then, isn't everyone? Everyone will have their issues to work through. It's quite hard for me to balance her like that - to write her with such strong emotions and a fair bit of impulsiveness, but also show her perseverance and determination.

I'm glad you liked the memorial bit, and the descriptions. It's the first time I've tried to write description through a newspaper report, if that makes sense, so I was quite nervous about it. I just read lots of random newspaper articles to get a feel of the style and then what you see in this chapter is my rough, estimated interpretation of that :)

That's precisely why I picked Alicia :) She is proving an enjoyable challenge - writing people who are 'on the fence' rather than fighting for one side rather than another is something I'm really excited about. The Magnus/Alicia/Guild faction will be very important, so we'll see a lot more of them. You're right, Alicia's feelings are quite different, and writing her reactions to the Malfoys and the wider political events, will hopefully show a different perspective.

The Guild! They are definitely one of my favourite things about this story - I have so much fun writing them, because they try to remain independent, to hold some sort of middle ground, and in the aftermath of a war, that is no easy task. As you may have read, the Guild originated from the idea that I have a bit of an ethical problem with the wizarding world not having a judiciary that is independent of the political executive, but of course the Guild is far more than that.

My answer to the Notts is this: these ways are the ways of war, as sad as that is. Of course, I wouldn't have put it in just because - there is actually reason behind the madness :p

Alicia going with the Aurors - well, the next chapter is currently in the queue, and this next chapter should hopefully begin to answer your question :)

On Magnus - well, I can't say much. That would be giving stuff away, wouldn't it? All I can say is that hopefully he will surprise you.

Thanks so so much for the review, it really is incredibly encouraging!

Celi xx


 Report Review

Review #10, by Roisin When Love absents itself

7th September 2014:
This. Is. AMAZING!

I'm sososo sorry I'm so late with this review--I was hosting a challenge, had a WIP to finish, and all sorts of RL. But here I finally am.

This chapter was really incredible. I just ADORE the prose. It's really beautiful, and elegant--but it also reads as effortless. Rich, and a joy to read, but never seeming tortured or *written.* Both natural and poetic, which I rarely see done well!

And your examinations of their perspectives and situations is just lovely. It's a really ambitious task, and you are succeeding tremendously!

There's just so much going on here, and it's really incredibly poignant. I don't even feel equal to offering an analysis--you wrote it so perfectly that no summary would do it justice!

I didn't see a single error or issue--not a one--except that (while I really liked the alternating POV), it took a tad to long to get my bearings when Draco read the letter from Theo. I really enjoyed that it took us a second to figure out whose head we were in, but with that passage, it went on just a little too long.

Otherwise, it was just brilliant in every way. So smart, and so much pathos.

And my curiosity about Lucius' plan is IMMENSE. If I didn't have other reviews that desperately need giving, I would ABSOLUTELY rush on to the next chapter. But I can't wait to read more!

I'm so glad you came to my review thread--I've already fallen in love with this!

Author's Response: Gosh, thanks so much!

And I'm sorry for taking so long to reply - this week has been utterly mental.

How do I reply to a review like this? Other than repeatedly stating how overwhelmed and touched I am by your words, meaning that I am at very great risk of sounding like a robot?

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. *oops* - I assure you that despite any appearance to the contrary, I am neither a parrot nor a robot :)

On the POVs - I am planning to go back and insert GoT-style POV tags, so hopefully that should clear up the confusion when Draco reads Theo's letter.

Pathos! I was going for that :) - I suppose the two main influences on the story in terms of tone are Ancient Greek tragedy and the French/Latinate mentality of something called 'la beaute du geste'. An example would be if a sports team has a really elegant move, and is inserted into the game purely because of its elegance, rather than any strategic value.

The plan - I'm glad you're curious about it; the next chapter, as it is Lucius-centric, should give away a few more things :)

Thanks so much for the review. I cannot tell you how much it means to me!

Celi xx


 Report Review

Review #11, by Gabriella Hunter We shall live in song

2nd September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie dumping this review on you and I'm SO sorry that I'm a few days late. I had some real life things to do and my allergies were really bad for some reason (Nature does not like me) and there were other, more boring things to take care of.

Anyhoo, on to this! Lucius Malfoy is one cunning little bird, isn't he? I really like how you opened this chapter though, you took all the pain and despair from the previous chapters and blended them all together--I was really sad to hear that his marriage was not at all what it appeared but I'd already suspected that. I wonder if Narcissa will ever be able to forgive him and return? I doubt that it will be soon or ever but I'm sort of feeling for Lucius and that's not something I thought I'd EVER say. Hahaha.

I also like that you wrote him as such a warm father figure, that's something I've never seen before either. I think that the way he dotes on Astoria is very sweet, a bit calculating here and there but he's aware of her strength and is putting his hope in her. Its really surprising and touching that he would lose just a bit of his control and I enjoyed their sweet bantering and Astoria's obvious fondness for him.

Now, the blood magic was very cool. I had read about this before but never in this much detail and I'm really blown away by what you've done here, it doesn't surprise me at all that the Malfoy's would go to such great lengths to preserve their heritage. I'm really curious about this plan that Lucius and Astoria mentioned and I can't wait to read on about it, I hope you won't keep me waiting too long!

I didn't spot any CCs or anything, your flow and pacing are great and your characters are very fleshed out and realistic.

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Thanks so much for the review, and it's my turn to apologise to you for the late reply - I've had no time this week. I hope your allergies are better :)

'Cunning little bird' - Indeed! I'm having a lot of fun writing him. Oh, his marriage is definitely not all it appeared (and I shall leave you to interpret that it whatever way you wish :p) Will she be able to forgive him? Hmm... Lucius has a lot to explain and a lot to prove before that happens, don't you think? You're feeling for Lucius :) Brilliant!

I wanted to delve deeper into Lucius's familial relationships, and for some reason, I was particularly drawn to what he would think of Astoria. Not only is she the girl his son has fallen in love with, and so there's that "seal of approval", but I also see Astoria as his intellectual equal. I also think that they are very similar in some ways - they both, with more or less success, are the strategists behind trying to keep their family together, and because of that, they understand the strain they're both going through. Astoria can't break in front of Draco, Daphne or Selena, because they all need her, and Lucius is similar. Ah, I enjoyed their banter too. It was a lot of fun to write! I like sardonic humour :) I suppose I was trying to show that Lucius does actually care about things - I don't think he could be that ambitious a Slytherin without having an incredible depth of motivation. I also see him as being incredibly determined, but he's only human, and his decision to involve Astoria is as much strategic as it is because he is actually able to connect with her in some way.

The blood magic. I'm glad you thought it worked well! It's important for the very obvious reason that it's tied in with the protection of the Malfoys, but it's also linked with their attitude to blood status, amongst other things, and if you want more detail, well, you're in for a treat in future chapters. It comes into play a few times :) I thought it made sense that they would use it - both from a heritage and security point of view - I see the Malfoy brand of blood magic as being very, very difficult to circumvent, so it is one of the most secure weapons they have, and hopefully it'll become clearer why in the future

The plan is in its primary stages, but the next chapter begins the arrest sequence, as well as introducing some more characters and a whole other perspective, so hopefully that will fuel your curiousity. By the way - that is the biggest compliment! It's so encouraging to hear that people want to find out what happens next!

I should be putting the fifth chapter into the queue over the next few days, so keep an eye out for it :)

Thanks so much for the awesome and really helpful review. It really means a lot :)

Celi xx



 Report Review

Review #12, by EnigmaticEyes16 When Love absents itself

29th August 2014:
Hi! EnigmaticEyes16 here for the Slytherin Review Exchange!

This story is so very intriguing so far. I loved the flashbacks in the first chapter where Lucius refuses to make a marriage contract for Draco when he is still so young. Yet it was very cute how he ends up meeting Astoria anyway and they immediately seem to become friends. And the nervous boding of their upcoming trials is very intense. I am super curious and kinda scared to see what happens to all of them in their trials. I wonder if that takes place in the next chapter or not. I feel so bad for Daphne who is wracking her brain trying to come up with a way out of being persecuted for something she didn't even do, and I hope she does find a way out of it. Although, it will still be sad because Theo has been sentenced to Azkaban for five years. Even though he was lucky not to be sentenced for life, it's still such a long time to be stuck in such a terrible place. And it's so tragic what happened to Hero and Selena. Although I'm not totally surprised by Narcissa's reaction to Lucius. She's clearly very upset and angry about how her family is being dragged through the mud and will more than likely be torn apart by the upcoming trials and it's understandable that she would blame Lucius for putting them all in that situation.

Wow, this review turned out way longer than I thought it would. I did very much enjoy these first two chapters, although sadly (as they aren't exactly happy chapters). But I did have some issues with all the changes of POV, and trying to figure who's voice I was reading in each scene, and then the switching from third person to first person kinda through me off. But other than that I did think it was all very well written. I do intend to read the next chapter, just not right now.

Really great job on this though in pulling together all these Slytherins into one story and making it work and keeping it interesting.

xxNix

Author's Response: Hi Nix!

I'm so sorry for the late reply; the past week or so has been absolutely hectic. But I have a spare couple of hours now!

I'm glad you liked the flashbacks - I suppose I wanted to show that there was far more to their lives than constant doom and gloom :) Their trials are a ways off yet - there are arrests first, and lots of other (hopefully) good things before then :) I am giving them hell, aren't I? But I always thought the whole idea of 'Voldemort is gone and everyone lives happily ever after' was a bit far-fetched; because that doesn't happen after what was effectively a civil war. People want revenge, they want punishment, they want that elusive concept of 'justice' - it's going to be a very unsettled period, with different factions; different vested interests.

Narcissa's blame of Lucius is interesting: I think that when people are angry, they have very selective memories, but obviously I can't comment on that :)

I'm glad you feel for these characters. I suppose that was partly the aim - to humanise them. They are the protagonists of the story, but they are far from heroes - I think that sometimes people confuse the two as being one and the same, when they aren't, necessarily :) I'm happy you enjoyed the first two chapters, it's really encouraging and heartening to hear that!

On the changes of POV - from the third chapter onwards, I've used the GoT style of signalling changes in POVs, so hopefully that will make things clearer. Don't worry, I am planning to go back and edit the first two chapters and put the GoT signalling in to make the first two chapters more understandable to read.

It's so nice to hear that you're planning to read on, and I hope you enjoy the next chapters too!

On pulling the Malfoys and Greengrasses into the same story - the Malfoys and their trials were the original starting point, but the main attraction with the Greengrasses was that in canon we know so little about them, and so that gives me far more room to play around in. Then there was the fact that Daphne and Draco were in the same year at school, and given how closed Pureblood and especially Slytherin circles were, I thought it was impossible that they didn't know each other relatively well.

Thanks so much for the review, and I'm so sorry once again about such a late reply!

Celi xxx


 Report Review

Review #13, by crestwood The House of the Brave

29th August 2014:
Hi Celi!

The Prophet article that you wrote reads a LOT like the canon paper did, so really well done with that. I find it strange that Hermione of all people would purposely exclude the Slytherins the way she did here. Of course, that could be the Prophet twisting her words in whatever way they think will get the most support and people reading their paper.

I think Daphne's anger is well deserved. The Ministry is looking for revenge and they aren't afraid to go through innocent people to get it. I don't agree with her reasoning about the whole pureblood ideology thing, but I do agree that the winners of the war are not dealing with the aftermath correctly.

The Guild is a wonderful idea. I never even thought of such a place, but it makes so much sense because it's not as if Hogwarts has a law class or anything of that sort. And I've always thought that the Ministry was a little incomplete, so this is a welcome addition to the Harry Potter universe.

While reading about the things the Aurors used against the 13 year old Nott (incomprehensibly evil act, by the way) and it really hit me so hard to realize that Harry must have taught them 'Sectumsempra' himself as no one else knows that curse.

Magnus seems like a really good leader who actually cares about people and I guess he sent Alicia because she has fought before and he thinks things will get ugly there. The Ron Wealey-led arrest of the Malfoy family is going to be an interesting bit of action I assume.

You've really done a good job of widening the scope of this a bit. - Leaving Malfoy Manor, introducing new characters - but you still kept the same feel of the previous chapters. It just feels like things are going to begin to implode soon. I can't wait to see the fallout of all of the tactics the Ministry is using, I don't think they'll get away with it all scot free. This was a really good chapter and you introduce a lot of unique ideas. Thank you for your request!

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm so sorry about the late reply - I started my new job, moved into a new flat and had a ton of admin stuff to do.

You liked the article! Realistic is what I was going for. On the exclusion of the Slytherins - I might go back and add Regulus and Severus to it. On the Prophet twisting Hermione's words - interesting theory. What I will say is that I am very interested in the way media is used on the population; it's a very potent tool.

Ah Daphne's anger. Well deserved - I definitely think so :) I spent the past two years researching C17th English Civil War and the Stalin eras, so I suppose I approached the Pureblood ideology from that very detached, historian perspective. Don't get me wrong, I don't agree with the ideology at all, but potency, in many ways has nothing to do with right and wrong - if you follow that line of thinking then Hitler would never have risen to power. I think that if you look at the answer to the question of why was Voldemort able to gather such support being that the Purebloods were all evil racists anyway, is too simplisitic a view to take. The fundamental question in understanding Voldemort's rise is not - was the Pureblood ideology right or wrong. The fundamental question to gaining that understanding is why was it so potent? And the answer to that is that the Statute of Secrecy was thought, rightly or wrongly, to be necessary. That's what I was getting at in that section (sorry if it was confusing).

The Guild - I like it very much too! I know all we've seen of it so far is the law school bit, bit it isn't just that, I promise. The idea came about because of the severe moral issue that became apparent when I realised that the judiciary was a part of the wizarding executive in the form of the Magical Law Enforcement Department. The law must be above politics, able to force politics to answer, yet how can it do that when it is itself a constituent part of the political machine. Hence the necessity for an independent institution where lawyers could be trained - the Guild.

On the Sectumsempra curse - the reason I put it in there was precisely because Harry had used it, and although he didn't exactly know what would happen when he cast it, the tagline 'for enemies' would have made him realise that it was a serious curse. I was looking for a spell they would have used which was realistic, but harmful, and I thought Sectumsempra fit the bill.

Magnus - I'm glad you think he's a good leader, I'm really enjoying writing him and Alicia, so hopefully that came across :) The Malfoy arrest begins in the next chapter. It's currently with my beta, so it should be up relatively soon.

Widening the scope, introducing OC's was my major concern with the chapter, so I'm happy you thought it was coherent. On implosion? I couldn't possibly comment on that :) The fallout of the Ministry tactics - oh, I'm looking forward to it too.

Thanks so much for your review, and once again, I'm sorry about the ridiculously late reply!

Celi :)


 Report Review

Review #14, by simplelullaby The House of the Brave

28th August 2014:
Hey Celi! It's simplelullaby here with your review. Sorry it's late, I'm actually gearing up to move house at the moment so it's been a bit hectic here.

Great chapter! Very different from the others, you take us out of Malfoy Manor for the first time and introduce us to this entirely new concept - I'm very interested in the Guild thing you've got going on. I also love that you're utilising minor characters from the canon - pet love!

Technical:

Your formatting seems a little off, there's a few spacing issues in between paragraphs and the like. Little suggestion, switch from the Advanced Editor to the Simple one. It's actually much easier to navigate, and HPFF give you a handy little html guide if you are, like me, very unused to anything code-wise. Of course this is a nitpick, and doesn't take away from your writing too much, so if you want to leave it the way it is that's great too!

Characterisation:

I see you've started utilising the GoT style, and can I say it's really helping for when you switch POVs! Brilliant! Okay, let's talk about Daphne. It's really great that you've taken us away from the usual Astoria POV (though I did miss her a little in this chapter!) and given us an insight into a character who had been in the background previously. You create a very unique voice for her, probably because of all the swearwords you use (which definitely isn't a bad thing - she's Daphne and that's the way she thinks!). I think you managed to portray the message of that section very well - it's not just the "good guys" who're allowed to have feelings, and she is mad! It was a great section overall, I liked it!

Now let's talk about Alicia Spinnet. Wow, you manage to just introduce and entirely new character in an entirely new setting and make it seem completely natural. So jealous! I'm not sure if I know much of Alicia herself, persay, because you did put the focus very much on her surroundings as opposed to her as a person, but that's not wrong either. I think that you very much had to establish the settings more than the character, because you can do that later!

So yeah, overall some really great characterisation here. I do think you could have done with a little more expansion, a few lines here and there both for Daphne and for Alicia, just to puff out their characterisation a little, but it's really fine the way it is. I could also do with a little more physical description, but you probably know by now that that's definitely personal preference on my part!

Also, side note, this Magnus guy seems like quite the character. Can't wait to see more of him!

Plot:

A very big chapter for plot! You've introduced a whole new aspect to your story - again very GoT to introduce this whole new character in a whole new setting, and connect the two like that. I wonder, are you going to start doing this for more characters, say sneak a couple of Auror chapters in there, tell the trial from someone in the Wizengamot's perspective? Just a wee thought.

Now, I do love what you're doing with this chapter, but i can't help but feel like it seems a little rushed, especially in the beginning. I'd say to help this, just linger a little! Puff it out with descriptions, little observations. I think Daphne's section suffered from this more than Alicia's. Just languish instead of rush! You've got all the words in the world to play with!

Also, plot-wise, I'd warn you to be a little careful of what you're doing with the whole leaving Slytherin out thing. The article was VERY good, I loved it, but it seemed a little far-fetched that they would leave Slytherin out entirely. I'd say, instead, that they would add a few token Slytherins onto the memorial, which are completely outnumbered by the amount of dead mentioned from other Houses. It just didn't seem plausible that Hermione Granger, who is canonically a very fair person, who looks out for the rights of many, and always looks for the good in people, would let them get away with leaving Slytherin out entirely!

Setting and Description:

As I said above I do think that this is a bit of a weak spot, though compared to, say, you're first chapter you are definitely improving wonderfully! This section: "That smiling, waving picture of Hermione Granger on the front page starts to leave the picture frame, disconcerted by the steadily growing puddle of flame-coloured liquid that rushes like the waves of the sea into the photograph. In a moment of violent impulse, I imagine the orange juice is actually fire and that it really is trying to burn her." Is amazing! I'd so love to see more of this!

Overall:

A really great chapter, one of my favourites! I love that you are introducing an entire world around your central characters, and giving some spotlight to those who've been overshadowed in previous chapters. I'd say to improve add a little more description, especially setting description, and you'll be golden!

Your AoC: Characterisation is fab! Pacing seemed a little fast, but nothing a little more description can't remedy!

My Favourite Part:

The article. Oh my God that part was spectacular! So Prophet-esque!

Hope you liked it, feel free to rerequest when you've got another chapter up, it's great to see you improve as every chapter goes by. On a more selfish note, it's great to see that you're actually reading and taking my reviews in, makes a reviewer so happy!

Keep Writing,

~Aimee~

Author's Response: Hi Aimee!

Gosh, I am so sorry about the late reply - I've just started my new job and going from doing nothing to working 14 hour days has been a bit of a shock!

I'm glad you like the Guild! It came from several starting points: that wizarding Britain had no independent work institutions. I'm not a big fan of the Ministry beehive! I also wanted to introduce the concept of a third faction to heighten the realism of the story, because in my opinion anyway, very rarely do you get conflicts between two clear cut factions. The great majority of the population will be somewhere in the middle. In just about every Western country except the US (I don't know about other countries, which is why I'm not including them in the comparison) the judiciary is ALWAYS independent of the political executive for the very important ethical reason that the law is above politics and must and can hold politics to account. That is why I don't like the concept of the Department for Magical Law Enforcements - because appointments are made by the Ministry rather than independently. So that threw up the idea of the necessity of an independent institution forming the judiciary, amongst other things.

Minor characters! I love them. There is so much you can do with them, an almost infinite number of directions to take them in, which is exciting!

Thanks for the tip about the formatting! I shall pay attention in future :) Happy to hear the GoT style helped, and thanks so much for suggesting it. I wanted to give Daphne more screen time as we near the trial. (I've written two thirds of it) I was slightly nervous about the swearwords but then I thought it would help emphasise her emotional reaction, so I'm glad you found it consistent with her character thus far.

Alicia is one of my favourites, so thanks for the compliment! She's not a one off, don't worry :) I wanted to widen the scope, but without doing it from a more conventional POV like Harry's. As she's an apprentice, I can put her in tricky situations, like the Malfoy arrest.

I need more physical description, don't I? Especially Alicia. I'll pay extra attention next chapter, so hopefully I can do better!

MAGNUS! 'Quite the character' exactly the reaction I was hoping for. He is so much fun to write, and we shall se him again soon.

Oh you're good :p. Your theory is spot on. Why did you think I introduced Magnus and Alicia now? *evil laugh*

I'll put Severus and Regulus on the memorial. I think Harry and Hermione would push for that, and it would have interesting repercussions! I've been caught out at my own game, haven't I? Whoops.

You liked the photograph! It's really nice to hear that because I thought it was a bit much when I wrote it. And the article! You really are spoiling me. 'Spectacular' - yep, I'll take that. Any day. THANK YOU!

I'm improving? Wow, thanks! Of course I take your reviews in - your advice is so helpful!

Celi xxx





 Report Review

Review #15, by marauderfan Do we not Suffer?

27th August 2014:
REVIEW TAG!

Wow, this is quite a start! Very dark and still has moments of sweetness! It's a great combination. I really like the premise though, expecially Slytherin viewpoints during the war. I have a soft spot for stories like that. And I love how you write Astoria and Daphne, particularly how Daphne was protecting younger students as she fled the castle - considering the last we see of the Slytherins in the books is them all fleeing, it's nice to think that behind the scenes, some of them were helping the younger students.

And aw, I cannot even tell you how much I loved the scene with Lucius and Draco. Yes, there are elements of Draco's rather snobby, aristocratic upbringing, but it's just so CUTE. Lucius obviously adores his son, and Draco is such a happy 7-year-old, and aw it was just really sweet.

Draco's relationship with Astoria is cute as well. What a challenge they face, after the war when everyone perceives them as villains, although they lost people as well. It takes a lot to change people's minds about social events and who's on what side and this story shows the grey area present in the war. I like it.

If I might point out one thing that seemed odd to me: Until there was a massive crack like a muggle gunshot. -- Would Selena, a daughter of a pureblood family, know what a Muggle gunshot sounds like?

Otherwise, this was a fantastic opening chapter! Great writing! :)

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm so sorry for not replying sooner - I've been having problems with my internet; oh the joys of having an ancient laptop :)

Thanks so much for the review, it means a lot, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! Daphne and Astoria, well we see little if anything of them in canon, so writing them is a lot of fun for me. You picked up on Daphne's defence of the younger students! I'm SO glad - without giving too much away, it's going to be important. Very important, especially, but not only for, Daphne.

I'm happy you liked the scene with Lucius and Draco - I suppose I wanted to show that they had been happy; that they had within them a capacity for happiness.

Oh, Draco and Astoria do face a massive challenge. I don't think they're villains - and yes, a major point is that they have lost people as well. On grey areas - I think that only very rarely are events or people objectively either evil or good, and I always did think that categorisation of an entire group of people as evil just like that is just as dangerous and just as wrong as fighting against people for something like blood status. And, I also wanted to show the other side of the war, without doing something like the archetypal 'protagonist goes dark because it seems like a rather cool thing to do'.

Thanks for pointing out the bit about the gunshot. I am planning to go back and edit at some stage, and when I do so, I'll fix it. Thanks very much for pointing it out to me :)

Thanks once again for your review, and I apologise for such a late reply. It's so encouraging and helpful to see what people liked and didn't like about the chapter.

Celi :)


 Report Review

Review #16, by lexiatel Do we not Suffer?

27th August 2014:
Wow... beautifully dark! What an amazing start to an interesting story! Well written! Please do request.

I have tears, it is very sad to see someone so young go through such a traumatic experience. What a sad thing about Hero though... that's a character I would love to read about more.

I LOVE this version of Astoria, I actually pictured her being this way. Some people have wrote her up being more like Pansy, but I couldn't picture that... Never! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!!! It means so much - and I saw your post on your review thread as well - no-one's ever recommended my story before - THANK YOU YOU ARE THE MOST BRILLIANTEST PERSON EVER :) (I know it's not a word, but it honestly should be) .

Okay, breathe :). Now I can possibly, hopefully try and write a coherent response, compared with the rambling mess above :)

Hero and Selena. I'm being quite mean to them, aren't I? Don't worry, you will see more of Hero, I promise :)

Yes! Someone else who thinks that Astoria is not Pansy 2.0! You have no idea how happy that's made me :)

It is dark. But I think I wanted to accurately represent a society that needs to rebuild itself - there is going to be a certain amount of witch-hunting going on (no pun intended).

Thanks so much for the review, I definitely will rerequest :)

Celi xx


 Report Review

Review #17, by AlexFan When Love absents itself

26th August 2014:
Sorry for taking so long with this but I'm here.

I don't know if I mentioned this last time but the more of this story that I read the more interested I am in what happens to these characters. I think you picked a great time after the war to write about.

I liked how you showed the repercussion on Lucius's marriage because of the decisions that he not only made for himself but for the rest of his family. Because you can see that Lucius cares about his family but the fact that he seems to be worrying about humiliation more than anything else might give Narcissa the impression that he doesn't care and that he still isn't getting the message. It was really interesting seeing a man like Lucius, someone who is always in control of his emotions lose it and resort to tears because he does not know how to fix the mess that he has made.

All of this time and effort that he put into trying to give his family the best life that he could and this is what it all lead to. That would be hard for anyone to deal with.

I feel like had it been anyone else in these characters situation, they would've accepted their fate and cherished the time that they had left but that's not in the Malfoy or Greengrass blood. You go down fighting even if you know that you're a lost cause.

I like how you're building up to the hearing. Showing the readers how different characters are dealing with their current problem in their own way but still reminding the reader that this trial is going to happen by adding in more and more details about what each characters trial is most likely going to be like and what the sentences for those already convicted were and what the Malfoys can expect when it's their turn. The more you talk about the hearing, the more excited I get for it.

I think you're pacing it's good, it's slow but for a story like this I feel like it needs to be slow in order for the reader to really process and understand what's going on with everyone. It adds to the serious tone of the story.

Author's Response: Don't worry about taking your time - I completely understand :) we all have RL.

Gosh, thank you so much :) That is exactly what I was going for, so thank you.

On Lucius - I was a bit mean, wasn't I? But I quite honestly just could not resist, and hopefully it was a realistic conversation. I really enjoyed writing that scene - something about taking Lucius and Narcissa to some sort of breaking point.

Oh, the Malfoys - Lucius at least - have every intention of going down with a great a bang as possible. Lost cause - yes, in way. Simply because I absolutely cannot see the Malfoys blindly accepting and fitting into the Post-War world. Not because they are necessarily evil or anything like that, but simply because I think that too much has happened.

Ah, the trials. And yes, the idea was to keep the trials at the forefront as much as possible, but sort of in constantly in the background as well, if that makes sense? I think I sort of see the trials as a sword of damocles hanging over their heads, as something in their futures that comes inexorably closer, and that they cannot escape. It reminds me of a Pippin quote from Lord of the Rings, 'I don't want to be in a battle. But waiting on the edge of one I can't escape is even worse.' (I've been reading and watching waaay too much Tolkien lately :p ) I'm also very excited about the trials.

I'm glad you think I have the appropriate pacing, so thank you! I suppose it's something I am quite worried about, wondering whether I'm keeping the momentum going in each chapter.

Thank you :)


 Report Review

Review #18, by Gabriella Hunter When Love absents itself

24th August 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and I'm so sorry for the long wait. I was actually pretty sick for the past few days and now I'm fighting through a stomach virus to give you this review--I hate having you guys waiting for so long! D';

Anyway, on to this! I'm really intrigued by the family dynamics that you've created in this story, I think its really fascinating. I've never really looked at the Malfoy family and their relatives as such tortured souls and you've done such a great job for making me feel some empathy for them. The beginning scene with Lucius and Cissy just made me really upset though, I knew that their marriage was falling apart and I thought that it was painful to read for a moment but also beautifully written. I sort of wanted to cry a little, reading how broken they were and the way you've interconnected everyone's pain with their loved ones was a brilliant move. From Daphne to Theo, to Astoria and Draco, I really loved that aspect in this chapter!

I was really upset by that decision to shove Theo in Azkaban though but Astoria and the others seem like they might have something up their sleeves. I wonder how that will work out later on? I really hope that you'll give me a lot of detail on that! It was also unfair that a lot of other Death Eaters were slapped on the wrist as well but I DO really, really love the pureblood values that everyone kept holding onto. In a changing world, what do they have left? Agh, really great chapter!

I don't have any major CC's either. I thought the switching POV's could have been done a bit smoother but other than that, great job!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!

Thanks so much for the review, and I hope you feel better soon! Being ill really isn't nice.

Ah, the family dynamics - you're right, empathy is really what I was going for :) It was quite hard to do without making them adhere to the stereotypical 'we never really believed in Pureblood supremacy anyway' - that would have been too easy. The consequences of their actions, especially Lucius's, are severe, and I wanted to put them through that, but that does not mean that the automatic correlation with 'monster' is necessarily true.

Thanks so much for your comment about Lucius and Narcissa - it was a really hard scene to write, but it's definitely one of my favourites, and an opportunity I could not resist. It's just so much fun to delve into their psyches like that, and especially in Lucius's case, to take it that far and to see where it goes next is really exciting for me.

Ah, Theo. I suppose I did that to show how serious the new regime is about these trials - I never thought most people getting off after the war was realistic. I studied the English Civil War and the resulting war crimes trials, including after the Restoration, as well as Stalin's show trials in the 1930s for two years. That's where I got the inspiration from in terms of atmosphere, and probably why my depiction of the wizarding war trials in this is so dark!

The Plan. :) I'm very excited about it - I've almost got to the point where I can start writing it. Without giving much away, it will, hopefully, be the major pivotal point of the story (cue LOTS of angst).

It is unfair, isn't it? But as Snape said in that brilliant scene from the Half-Blood Prince 'Life isn't fair.' If you hadn't already guessed, in this story I will put them through hell *evil laugh*, principally because it's so much more fun for me as a writer, and hopefully makes the story more compelling to read :) well, that's the idea, anyway!

Thanks for pointing out the transitions - I am planning to go back and edit everything at some point, and when I do, I'll be sure to work on those.

Thanks so much for your review. It's really encouraging for me to know when people enjoy it, and point out everything that I can improve on!

Celi xxx :)


 Report Review

Review #19, by Veritaserum27 Do we not Suffer?

22nd August 2014:
Hello!

I'm tagging you from review tag!

I think you've done a great job with this! It is a very original idea for a story. I've read a few Draco/Astoria stories, but none set against such a complicated political background. This fist chapter contained all the necessary information - you've introduced the characters, created conflict and started what proves to be a very interesting storyline with a love story intertwined.

I love your version of Draco and Astoria - I love that they call each other "Dragon" and "Star" - so sweet.

I also like your version of Slytherin. You're right. They aren't all bad - being cunning and ambitious and proud of your heritage doesn't make you evil. I also think that after any war (and even during) there is a bout of prejudice that permeates against anyone perceived to be "on the other side." This will be an uphill battle for the Malfoys and the Greegrasses.

A few bits of CC: I wasn't completely sure of the present living arrangements. Are the Greengrass sisters living with the Malfoys? What happened to Nero? Also, I think that you could include a line somewhere about either Draco or Lucius grieving for little Hero. But - perhaps that is addressed in the next chapter.

The only reason I mention it is because you've painted such a lovely picture of Lucius as a father. He clearly adores his children. He also appears to be willing to fight against the injustice being done to pureblood families that don't deserve it.

Great chapter. The ending with the three Greengrass sisters was heartwarming. :)

Beth

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

Thanks so much for reviewing; it means a lot :) Complicated political background, indeed :) I'm glad you think so - I've always found I really enjoy reading those kinds of stories, so they are definitely an inspiration to me.

On Draco/Astoria - I think it just felt right to write it that way - not that I see them as defined by their relationship, but it has a major impact upon their story line. I also think that to make their relationship forced would not provide balance. It's great that other people also think that they're relationship doesn't have to be written as unhappy! :)

In canon, I always found the Slytherins, though we saw little of them, the most interesting house. I certainly think ambition is not a dirty word, and that in order for prejudice to exist, it has to go both ways, unfortunately. The Slytherin characters are very complicated, and I particularly enjoy writing them (you may have noticed I'm a Slytherin on the forums).

I chose to write a dissertation and do optional source papers on the trial of King Charles I of England, considered to be the first modern war crimes trial, and so the idea of exploring concepts of wizarding law came from there :)

On the present living arrangements: they are explained in later chapters, as what happened to Nero and his wife. Ah, Hero - you see Lucius grieving for her in the next chapter: the idea of Lucius finding his daughter's body was an opportunity I could not resist :) I hope that clears up your questions :)

Thanks so much for the review :)

Celi


 Report Review

Review #20, by Ribbons Do we not Suffer?

22nd August 2014:
Helllo!

I have to say that this wasn't exactly what I was expecting, somehow. I'm used to Draco/Astoria (although honestly I don't actually read it that often), but this really defied what I've seen in this genre. Why? Because it wasn't just them - two people. There was the family around them, the memories of them as children, and the little sister and brothers.

Why did I like this fic? Mostly because of a few things: Draco and Astoria seemed to work really well together, they understand each other and have a nice, balanced interaction. The memory of Draco as a boy was nice too, because it gave you a since of his messed up childhood (proper parenting? Nah).

There was, though, a few things that bothered me. Nothing big, nothing wrong with the story idea or the plotting or anything, but little stuff that was a bit distracting. First of all, what's with the formal talk? They all act like they've been plopped into a Jane Austen novel. Why is that? Is it necessary? I found it a little weird that's all.

Then there was the ending. Don't get me wrong darling, I LOVED the memory, really loved it, but it didn't really feel like an ending for the chapter, it just kind of...stopped with an idea that wasn't exactly like the others. A bolt out of the blue that didn't fit with the rest.

But what DID I like? Mostly, Lucius. You wrote him really, really well, and everything about him came across perfectly. While you'd expect to see these events from the Weasley or Potter's point of view, instead it's from the Malfoy's, which makes this whole thing all the more strange and potent.

I want you to keep writing, please! And keep up the awesome work as you delve into a subject I've never really encountered before.

Lots of love,

Alena

Author's Response: Hello Alena :)

Thank you so much for the review - it really is so encouraging for me to see that people enjoy it and point out the things I can improve on :)

I'm curious about what you said of my portrayal of Draco/Astoria, although admittedly I haven't read that many Draco/Astoria fics, and I'm relatively new on here, so I don't know enough about what is considered the archetypical view of their relationship.

Ah, Draco's childhood. In my head canon, I think that Draco's early childhood was happy, then went slowly downhill. His relationship and opinion of Lucius is definitely complex, but hopefully not entirely in the way that people might expect.

On the formal talk: I suppose what I was going for was aristocratic - may have overshot a little. Whoops :) I am planning to go back and edit at some point, and when I do, I'll definitely take your point into consideration, and about the ending, too. :) Thanks for pointing out your impressions of these things to me.

I have a ridiculous amount of fun writing Lucius. He's probably my favourite character in the canon, and Jason Isaacs's portrayal really got me thinking, and has a lot to do with my fascination with the Malfoys and other Slytherins. I mean, not only does Lucius have far more panache than pretty much any other character, but I also feel like he's a character who consciously layers himself - the impression he gives to others, bar a few exceptions, is very calculated, but underneath, he is far more than that. The next two chapters are very Lucius-centric, so hopefully you'd enjoy reading them :)

On the Malfoy POV - thank you! It's nice to hear that the story is making people think :) Potent! THANK YOU THANK YOU! Here's the bit where I lose control of my vocabulary :) That is literally one of the best compliments EVER.

Celi xx


 Report Review

Review #21, by Roisin Do we not Suffer?

18th August 2014:
FINALLY here with your requested review!

This story is just lovely! There's a real sophistication to the prose that I don't often see on this site; very poetic, and a formality to the language. It suits the characters really nicely, as they're from a very aristocratic culture.

One note: "Her hands entwined with his. She could feel his heartbeat in her hands as he sat up in response to her touch." You use the word 'hands' twice in quick succession. Maybe swap for "her fingers entwined with his." Otherwise, I didn't see any errors!

The dialogue was all excellent, and the descriptions were really nice. I loved the party scene, and the way you detailed the floral arrangements. BUT, Astoria is younger than Draco. I can give a little leeway for his being very clever for seven, but she seemed just a TOUCH too precocious to be five or six. Unless the year in question is of TANTAMOUNT significance to the story, a very simple remedy would be to make him 9--and problem solved!

Introducing Hero, an OC was rather a tricky move, since there's no younger Malfoy in canon, but so long as you never *break* canon, then it's certainly alright (and Harry wasn't at Hogwarts in 1997 anyway). In fact, it could be interesting to examine--that there was this other character in the periphery all the while, outside of Harry's perception. Interesting, because it kind of shows how little the Order knew about these people--of their families, and all that. (Then again, Draco really did always SCREAM "only child," so I would keep an eye out for interesting ways to resolve that characterization.)

And the idea that the Malfoys kind of avoided Bellatrix was excellent! But then again, she would have been in Azkaban at this time, so is it really an issue? Did LOVE that though--that they, rather reluctantly, were forced to work with her during the war, and even though the Malfoys are prejudiced and all, still feel tentative about true sadism and madness.

Anyway, I love the idea of this story. Like I said, I read another GREAT Draco/Astoria post-war novel recently, but this one is indeed very different. The focus on the experience of being an unwilling participant of the wrong side is very, very potent, and I'm really into how you play with that concept.

Definitely feel free re-request! Spots will be opening up soon!

Cheers!
-Roisin

Author's Response: Hi Roisin!

Thanks so much for reviewing; I really appreciate it. I'm happy you liked the tone of it; I think the characters and setting of Malfoy Manor lends itself to that kind of thing, and I have a lot of fun writing it, probably because I think very visually.

When I go back and edit these chapters I'll fix that thing with the hands and Astoria's age; thanks for pointing that out. Ah, the party scene - I thought it would be a good way of introducing the complicated Pureblood political dynamics.

On Hero - I suppose I just really liked the idea of it; and I needed a whole bunch of first year Slytherins, so the two things sort of merged together. I do think that the Order would in reality know very little about people like the Malfoys, firstly because I think that the Order have a very fixed idea of them, and also for security reasons; the Malfoys protect themselves. I'll bear in mind your point about Draco when I write him :)

Bellatrix - the Malfoys' relationship with her is definitely complicated, but even though she was in Azkaban, somehow I don't think Lucius and Narcissa would have taken Draco to visit; but I do definitely think that they would have discussed Bellatrix. I think you're right; Bellatrix is in a different category - the Malfoys are very, very complicated people, and that is a massive part of the attraction for me in writing them.

Unwilling participants on the wrong side - it is definitely a very major part of the story, but there is a lot more to it as well :)

Thanks so much for your review; I'll definitely re-request; it really is so helpful.

Celi :)


 Report Review

Review #22, by crestwood We shall live in song

14th August 2014:
I'm a huge fan of one scene chapters. I don't know why, but the idea of being able to give so much information about one moment just lends itself well to great writing and this is no exception.

Your characterization is handled perfectly here. This entire chapter is dedicated mostly just to developing two characters and that's what you've done. Astoria calling Lucius "Father" says a lot about their relationship. She's so different than I've read her before. She's got this cool intelligence about her and she isn't a spoiled, angry, unloving wife for once. I prefer this version of her - kind, in love and curious. Lucius again finds a way to subtle let the reader know how much he cares for his family. The amount of preparation he's putting into things shows a high level of remorse for what he's done to his family and a desire to fix things, which is more than I can say I would have expected out of him.

Also, the Malfoy Book was a genius idea. Loved the entire concept so much. Each chapter has held my attention more and more. You're doing a fine job with the pacing. This chapter was the kind that a lot of people would have skipped and just alluded to, but I'm really glad you added it in to give us some good character development and dialogue. All in all, this is the strongest chapter yet! Thank you for your request and feel free to re-request when you've uploaded more! Sorry again for the wait :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much :)

Thanks for the comments about the characterisation. I realise I am at great risk of repeating myself here :p but it means a lot. I'm glad you like this version of Astoria; I suppose one aspect of her character is that she is Lucius's intellectual equal, which means I have a lot of fun writing them both. Interesting that you see Lucius as remorseful - I completely get where you're coming from, and hopefully it'll become clear why and how in later chapters. I also see Lucius's extensive preparations as part of his scheming, meticulous nature, and hopefully that comes across too :)

Ah, the Malfoy Book. As I think I've said in responses to other people, I don't think it was a planned thing - I needed a way for Lucius to give Astoria "the Keys" to the Manor, and it just seemed to fit with the Malfoy perception and use of magic, inspired by the Pirates films :) Like Lucius says, not every form of deterrent involves a locked case of lead :)

Thanks so much for the review! Next chapter is currently in the queue, so it shouldn't be too long :)

Celi :)


 Report Review

Review #23, by crestwood When Love absents itself

14th August 2014:
Wow, I've never thought that Narcissa would blame Lucius for all of this. I never considered it, but she is technically completely correct. Their argument was really gripping. These aren't characters I'm usually very attached to, but I felt a chill through my body when I read "I could never have loved you. Not now, not ever." The fact that it brought Lucius to tears is no wonder to me.

Daphne and Astoria's relationship seems to have grown all the stronger because of their dad's behaviour. They have a really nice moment when Astoria gives her the advice about her trial. There were a few times when I was a bit confused about who's point of view I was reading, but I understood after reading a little more closely. I like that this has an underlying romantic theme. That makes for a lot of strong emotions and reactions in a time like this. I'm very surprised at how believable you are making their struggles. I've never considered the collateral damage on this side of the war before. Very interesting writing so far!

Author's Response: Ah, Narcissa. Is she completely correct? I think that when people are angry, they tend to choose what they pay attention to very carefully. I'm happy you're starting to care for these characters: war takes its toll on everyone. There's an old Iliad quote which says that 'the god of war is impartial' and I suppose that is what I am trying to show.

Lucius - I have so much fun writing him, and bringing him to such a point of utter breakdown so early on makes things really interesting in future; I'm having a lot of fun as an author seeing how far and to where I can take him. This scene was born in part out of my complete inability to resist doing this kind of thing :)

Daphne and Astoria - I'm glad you like how I'm portraying them; I think I wanted to go beyond the stereotypical jealous/bimbo relationship.

Point taken about the POVs, I'll go back and edit at some point, and it's something I'm rectifying in future chapters by taking a leaf out of G.R.R. Martin's book; stating the POV at the beginning of the chapter/scene.

Thanks so much for the review; especially reviewing all the chapters up so far in one go!

Celi :)


 Report Review

Review #24, by Phoenix_Flames Do we not Suffer?

14th August 2014:
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested!

I'm so glad you requested this story because I really quite enjoyed it! You pulled me in from the very beginning. I can't express how important I think the first scene of a novel is, and you really did it justice with that scene between Draco and Astoria! I thought it was very sweet and romantic, and honestly I loved reading about this side of Draco. Not only was it a great scene, but you wrote it so well! It was so beautifully crafted with the perfect balance of description and dialogue. Really, your descriptions were perfect. I loved the pale sand reference. Really, just a gorgeous beginning that peaks the readers interest!

The rest of the chapter was just as interesting and lived up to the first scene. I was very intrigued from the beginning. I like the idea of Draco and Astoria having a history that began long before their years at Hogwarts. I love that you've made them childhood sweethearts in a way, and I like the tensions between the fathers presented in that area. The maze was also cute and it's definitely something I can see children doing.

The rest of the chapter was just as good! You have a very interesting set-up here, and this first chapter poses a lot of questions that definitely make me want to keep reading! The dynamic with the sisters was also very good.

Your awesome descriptions carried throughout the entire chapter. You really are great at them and you have the perfect balance of it.

Really, my only bit of CC that I have is the dialogue. While it matches the descriptions and the story perfectly, I only had a slight issue with in in the scene with Draco at seven-years-old. It honestly just seemed a little too mature for a seven-year-old to be saying. I don't know if this is good or bad, or my perception could be completely off! That was just the vibe that I carried away from it, but then again you established the relationship previously with Lucius and Draco and so it's obvious that they are educating him to a very high standard, so maybe it is realistic in this setting! But that's my only CC that I would comment to focus on.

Very good job with this first chapter! You definitely caught my interest, and I hope this review was helpful to you in some way! Thanks so much for requesting!

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much for the review; it means a lot, especially if you enjoyed it! Gosh - the opening scene; it was one of the first scene that popped into my head for the story - not quite the first, but definitely high on the list, and it was the first properly romantic scene that I wrote, so the comments mean a lot! Ah, Draco. I wanted to make him more than the git we see in the early books, and more than the total wreck we see in the later books. Writing the two of them came very naturally, and that they've known each other since they were children means that I have far more opportunities, especially where their parents are concerned. I liked the maze as well. I started from the idea that most manors etc have very extensive gardens, generally including a maze of some kind, and I remember getting lost in mazes as a little kid :)

On the dialogue - when I go back and edit this I'll pay attention to it. I suppose I was going for the hint of formality that they have when they're older, and overshot the mark :)

Thanks so much for this, it was really so helpful.

Celi :)


 Report Review

Review #25, by crestwood Do we not Suffer?

13th August 2014:
Hey, crestwood from the forums here for your requested review!

I'm SO sorry that it's taken me so long to get to this. It's been, what, a week now? If only there were more hours in the day.

First of all, Celi, you have an interesting premise here. I can't say that I've ever read a Post-Hogwarts story that included the war trials. I liked that you gave us a good flashback to Draco's childhood because it not only gave us Draco and Astoria's first meeting, (more on that later) but it showed us a side of Lucius that we rarely see in the books. We know that he was a very family oriented man, so it certainly makes sense that he would show the kind of affection that he does here. Also, it was an interesting choice to have him be distrustful of Nero Greengrass and Bellatrix. It almost seems as though he was a little withdrawn from the whole Death Eater business at that point, or at least some of the Death Eaters themselves.

I LOVED that you had Draco and Astoria truly be in love. A lot of times people will write them as being forced together by their parents or by some sort of pride. It was nice to see them simply together out of mutual want for a relationship and life together. Their nicknames were a really nice touch as well. It gave us a sense that they haven't lost the youthful aspect they had when they first met. Really good interpretation of the pairing.

I thought you did a good job showing the fears of your characters about the consequences they'd face after the war. You made a good point about whether the Order would have really helped them even if they had decided they wanted their protection. Especially in the case of Selena, you found a way to make me really care what happens to these people I typically am meant to be completely against. I didn't notice any glaring problems with pacing. The end was a bit fast, but I assumed that was because a frightened child was explaining the story.

I thought this was an exceptionally well written chapter and a good start!

Author's Response: Hi crestwood!

My turn to apologise for such a late reply - I've had a rough week :)

I'm glad you like my premise! I spent the past two years studying 17th century war crimes trials and Ancient Greek theory of law amongst other things, and I've always wondered what happened to all the Slytherins after the war. That, combined with watching Downton Abbey and reading Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice, and the plot for Monopoly emerged. If you haven't already realised, my mind works in very strange ways :)

I think it's interesting that you picked up on Nero and Bellatrix. I suppose I've always seen the Malfoys as consummate political operators; the reason they managed to survive up until the second wizarding war relatively unscathed. And then, there is of course the fundamental question: why did Lucius become a Death Eater in the first place? What makes people cross the line between sympathiser and activist?

On Draco/Astoria - Thank you! I suppose I've always been annoyed by the fact that the majority of people assume that because they are Pureblood, they are automatically stuck in forced marriages. It was very natural for me to write them that way; a because I didn't want it to be all doom and gloom, but also because I think it gives me so many more opportunities!

You picked up on the bit about the Order and protection! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. All I can say is that it's important :)

I'm so happy you care about what happens to the characters. You make me want to keep writing the story as much as possible!

Thanks for your review, it truly is very appreciated :)

Celi


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>