Reading Reviews for Party, Fun, Love and Quidditch
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by The Claw of Raven I Sleep A Lot

16th March 2014:
Good first chapter. I particularly like your dialogue. It sounds very real. Be careful with switching between past and present tense. Pick one and stick with it!

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Review #2, by TheHeirOfSlytherin I Sleep A Lot

7th March 2014:
For Blackout Bingo.

Hello!

I loved the dream in the beginning. At first I thought it was a school Quidditch game, and it said England and I was confused for a moment because it says sixth year in the summary, and then I realized that it was a dream. And it was a cool dream; it's interesting to see what James wants in life, I felt like I knew his character a little already because of it.

The banter between James and everyone is hilarious, I think. Especially with Fred and Alex; innuendos always make me giggle.:P

I don't like the other three, they sound awful. The 'villains' of the story, I wonder what they'll do as the story progresses. :)

The only thing I suggest is a read-through - check for missing words and such, it'll make the story flow more.

Cool first chapter.

Sam.

Author's Response: Cheers man,

Glad you liked the whole dream bit I was struggling to find a way to start the story and that was probaby one of the better ideas that came to mind.

To be honest they're not really intended to be 'the villains' of the story per say. Jet has a bit of invovlement in what i've written so far but its not like he's evil or anything.

And yeah i can agree I do rush in my checking sometimes it's something I'm trying to improve.

Patrick


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