Reading Reviews for Audrey
  
12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CambAngst To Hold Your Tongue

11th February 2014:
Hi there! Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

I really like stories about Percy. I don't see nearly enough of them and all too often he's portrayed as either a hopelessly socially stunted nerd or a cold, career-climbing politician. In this, you made him very human yet kept him very true to his characterization from the books. You stripped away the self-importance that he wore during his Prefect and Head Boy years, which made perfect sense in the aftermath of the war. Percy had a lot of things to regret from the years after he left Hogwarts and joined the Ministry. But you kept his careful, thoughtful, pragmatic nature. I thought that was a key thing to nailing the character.

He certainly doesn't see her the first time under the best of circumstances. But times like that are definitely when we realize some important things in life.

I liked the fact that their first conversation was "cordial" and "stiff". You didn't rush the pace of this at all. It felt very natural for a cautious, deliberate guy like Percy. One thought on this section: Shacklebolt was the Minister of Magic, not the Prime Minister.

It was sweet, how Percy charmed the ice so that they could go skating together. A very clever touch. And what's this about him climbing a tree? An odd choice for a first date, but he does sound like one of the Weasley boys in that moment.

Aww, he opens up about Fred on the night of their first kiss. And she opened up about her father, as well. Two very guarded souls letting down their walls for one another. I think you made the two of them really perfect for one another.

Lastly came the wedding. He wouldn't be Percy if he didn't have that last-second moment of doubt. And her smile helps him through it.

This was a really lovely story! You did a great job with your descriptions and narrative and the characters felt very real. Good job!

Author's Response: Hello!

I don't see many stories that portray Percy in a, ah, forgiving light either, so I'm glad I could do that and still stay very true to his character. Oh you're making me blush saying I nailed his characterization!

No, but you're definitely right about realizing important things at those times. And yes, I deliberately tried to keep their first meeting quite professional - after all, we're talking about Percy here - so I'm glad you're fond of that part.

Eek! Yes, I hadn't noticed that! Silly me! Thankfully you're here though! Thanks for pointing that out! :)

Yes, his Weasley did shine through in that moment. Not the brightest bunch, but they sure know how to make a girl smile. And ooh! Their first kiss is my favourite part! I'm so happy you think they're perfect for each other! :D As for the wedding, yes, he's an indecisive one. :P

Thank you so much for everything, this review was so kind and left such a smile on my face! You're so lovely!
Lo:)


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Review #2, by Kinnu To Hold Your Tongue

31st January 2014:
Woah! That was beautifully written and characterised.

One good thing is that you made sure it was in paragraphs and the scenes were separated.

The way you wrote it in second person was the highlight of the story though. It was one of the best ones I've read because there is so much risk in writing them and it can turn out... well, not so good otherwise. I mean, you'll miss a tense somewhere unless you're super-proficient.

You didn't overuse words or describe things too much, so I think you are very good at optimisation. I hope you'll pass along a few tips. I could use some!

If you don't mind me saying, I felt that it would have been better if you'd mentioned both their names at least once. I had to go back to the story page to check the pairing because I wasn't sure about it. But if the point of your story was to not mention their names, please ignore me. I like it anyway!

I'd love to read your other stories too...

Keep writing (and I'll keep reading),

Kinnu

Author's Response: Hiya Kinnu!

Aw, that's so sweet! Thank you! Well, I do try to keep things separate. ;)

Oh, well this was my first fic in second person, so I'm so happy you said that! That's so sweet!

Oh well, I don't really know what kind of tips I could pass on, but if you ever want me to talk things over with you, I'm just a PM away! :)

Yes, a few people have mentioned using names. I'm still on the fence about that one, considering I didn't know how to put the names in while keeping the structure the same way, but don't worry, I won't ignore you, I'll seriously take that into account! :)

I will definitely keep writing, don't you worry! Thank you so much for this wonderful review!

Lo:)


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Review #3, by VioletBlade To Hold Your Tongue

17th January 2014:
I absolutely adored this, and came to the story after seeing it placed first in the surprise summary challenge! Not only did the summary intrigue me, the fact that it's a Percy/Audrey story hooked me in as well! (I love this pairing and feel as if it's not written nearly enough!) Anyway, this was so beautiful and well-written, it literally brought tears to my eyes. I think you captured seeing these moments from Percy's eyes wonderfully and I loved the use of the seemingly non-existent second-person point of view! I don't read many stories like that at all and this was perfect! I really felt like I was seeing everything through Percy's eyes!

Lovely job! xx

Author's Response: Hi!

Oh I'm so glad you liked this! And yay! I did something! Well, since you love this pairing, I'm super glad I did them justice! Tears? Do you want a handkerchief? Audrey could get Percy to give his to you! And yay! I was a little doubtful about the second person POV, but I'm glad it worked out!

Thank you so much!
Lo:)


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Review #4, by True Author To Hold Your Tongue

15th January 2014:
This was such a cute little one-shot! I've never read anything similar before, so I particularly liked the use of second person PoV and the overall style of narration. :)

Percy is not someone I like from the HP universe, so I was reading him for the first time here. He seemed canon but still I could certainly see how love had changed her.

Good job!
Ashwini

Author's Response: Hi!

Yay! I'm glad that you liked it! And mwahahaha! I pulled off second person POV! That was a big concern for me!

I never really liked Percy either, but I enjoyed exploring how he must have coped with the after math of the war and how he met Audrey and subsequently fell for her, and through this I found that even though he wasn't my favourite HP character, he was pretty decent.

Thank you!
Lo:)


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Review #5, by Pixileanin To Hold Your Tongue

12th January 2014:
Second person! I have always wanted to try this in a fic, or rather, I have always been scared to death of trying second person in a fic. Kudos to you for doing it!

I love reading about the snippets of how he bumped into her from time to time. I could tell that he was quite taken with her from the start, and how he bid his time until he felt like it was prudent to say something. Sounds very much like the Percy I met in the books!

The moments were very sweet. I especially liked how much detail you gave us during their courting. The funny way that he let himself go and acted a little silly, bouncing on the tree branches was a great way to show that he was loosening up around her. When they spoke to each other about their losses, it showed how they were slowly becoming more intimate and trusting towards each other. The progression of the relationship was really lovely and believable. It was almost like he was thinking through all of these moments right before the final moment. I'd like to think that's what was happening, anyway.

Second person was a great success for this piece! I commend you for doing it this way. It made the whole thing more intimate, more personal. I felt an immediate connection to the events portrayed, and also how much these two characters cared about each other. It didn't feel one-sided at all.

Author's Response: Hi!

Second person POV isn't actually as hard as I thought it would be! This was my first time attempting it, and I was pleasantly surprised, so if you want, you should take a stab at it!

And I'm so glad you liked the way I portrayed Percy in this! And yes, all those little snippets were really just the first times they had done something, so I'm glad you liked those!

Ooh, I loved all the moments! And the courting was my favourite, because Percy let go a little and showed his inner Weasley! And yes, I loved the cute moment when he talked about Fred and she talked about her father! And yes, it kind of is! I wanted it to be like a scrapbook of memories that leads up to the final words!

Yay! I'm glad I pulled off the second person POV! Ooh, and I'm happy that it didn't seem too one-sided. I love Percy/Audrey, so I'm happy that it showed that they loved each other equally!

Thank you so much!
Lo:)


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Review #6, by Unwritten Curse To Hold Your Tongue

11th January 2014:
Ah! I'm so so so glad I picked this. (I'm not crying, it's just the onions. So many onions...)

I love second person stories. Something about second person makes everything more beautiful and personal and poignant. And even though this was short, just snippets into their relationship, I was crying at the end. I was attached. I'm so glad you chose to write this in second person.

On top of that, the writing is gorgeous. Simple and to the point, but simplicity is beautiful and needed here. I especially liked this line: "As she walked past you, you smelled freesias and honeysuckle, a nice change from the overbearing stench of chagrin that dominated your home." I liked the contrast and the idea that 'chagrin' had a smell. Really lovely.

I also loved his insecurities. How he wanted to ask her out again for later that night when she had to leave their first date. How he wanted to say I love you but didn't. I think that made the ending all the more powerful. It was the resolution I wanted to see throughout all of the almost-theres and not-quites. It just felt like, finally.

I don't have any constructive criticism to offer other than I WANT MORE. You should write more in this style--it suits you. :)

-- Gina

Author's Response: Hi!

Do you want some tissues? I know that those onions can be quite nasty! :P

Yay! I'm glad you liked the second person POV! It was my first time writing in that style, so I'm glad it turned out okay!

Well thank you! I'm blushing! I had problems with that line, actually, because I wondered if that would make sense, but I'm so glad that it works!

And yes, I thought that Percy would be too timid to do anything, but I loved being able to show that it was Audrey that got him to pluck up the courage! I just have a lot of Percy/Audrey feels! And I'm thinking of it.

Thank you so much Gina!
Lo:)


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Review #7, by marauderfan To Hold Your Tongue

11th January 2014:
For our review swap.

Eee! I love this! Percy is a kind of neglected Weasley and I love reading about him. I think you wrote him very well, particularly the way each section ends with him trying to be proper - he is the stuffy, pompous Weasley sibling after all - and you showed that while not making him seem as objectionable as Fred and George always say :P Basically what I'm trying to say is, Percy's POV in here shows another side to his character and I like it.

It's sweet how Percy begins to open up to Audrey and eventually stops being quite as guarded - telling her his guilt about Fred and the rest of his family, and being silly enough to climb a tree (a very un-Percyish thing to do, so I loved it when he did that haha). It shows, in a very subtle way, the progression of their relationship and him as a character, so nice job. And he's still very Percy at the end of it, holding his tongue again. Seriously, the characterisation in such a short piece is really wonderful!

I love how you've written Audrey as well. As we know absolutely nothing about her from the books, there's a lot of freedom to write her, and I like what you've done. She seems like a great fit for Percy, very work-focused like Percy is, but she brings out an adventurous side to him, with the ice skating.

This was really cute, I'm so glad I got to read it! Thanks for the swap :)

Author's Response: Hi!

Yay! I love when you love something! I'm glad I characterized him well, especially in his pompous/proper ways, but that I showed another side to him. Yay! I'm glad you liked this different-esque Percy!

Yes, I love what Audrey is able to do for Percy, just by being her. And he climbed a tree! I loved that part! Yay! I'm so glad the characterization was good!

Yes, I did have a lot of freedom with Audrey, so I really tried to show her as a work-oriented girl but one that easily could have attracted the more rambunctious Weasley boys, such as George or Charlie, but that instead, Percy showed his crazy Weasley side when with her!

Thank you so much!
Lo:)


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Review #8, by Red_headed_juliet To Hold Your Tongue

11th January 2014:
This is very beautiful! I like how you never said that it was Percy, but I knew it was him almost from the beginning. I have never really liked Percy much, but this might have given me a soft spot for him. I think it brings to light how he would've struggled to make amends with his family, and the guilt he would've carried with him. It seems very Percy to hold his tongue constantly, always striving to be proper, and yet embarrassing himself every now and again too.

I really do enjoy the style of writing. I know some people don't like pronouns as much as proper nouns, and feel as though there should be a balance, but there's just something about it I've always been particularly attracted to.

Very well done!

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm so glad you knew it was Percy from the beginning. I was worried I would have to do something drastic and put 'Percy's POV' in bold at the top! And I know, I've never really liked Percy, but I saw this banner and I just thought 'That would be the perfect Audrey Weasley,' so I went with it! :)

And I'm glad I did Percy justice and showed you a new side of him!

And yay! I've never written anything like this, so I'm glad you liked this style.

Thank you so much! This really means a lot!
Lo:)


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Review #9, by SkyEcho To Hold Your Tongue

9th January 2014:
Wow this was such a beautifully written piece! I loved the snippets of moments of time - it let me see the relationship progress and left me with a warm fuzzy feeling. It almost felt like watching a photo slideshow of how these two fell in love. The feelings felt authentic and the descriptions of the meetings, dates, wedding etc. were realistic and well-written. My favourite line of yours is: "As she walked past you, you smelled freesias and honeysuckle, a nice change from the overbearing stench of chagrin that dominated your home." Your ending was perfect. You've created such a wonderful story!
*Hufflepuff, 2014*

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm glad you liked it and yay! The little slideshow thing was what I was going for! As if Percy was just reliving all the little moments in their relationship!

And I'm so glad I was able to capture the emotions and descriptions of their 'firsts.'

And I'm so glad you liked that line because I was a little scared people would tell me 'chagrin doesn't smell silly Lo!'

Thank you so much and I'm so glad you liked it and that you reviewed. Thank you so much (again).
Lo:)


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Review #10, by LilyLou To Hold Your Tongue

9th January 2014:
Hello, hello!

I clicked on your link to this on the forums to see your new banner--very pretty, by the way--and noticed this was written for my challenge! So I figured I'd read it, and review it right now!

This was an absolutely adorable story! I love how you set it up. You had a pattern, which I adored. It showed that you thought this out well and it was written carefully, to make sure you followed the flow.

Your use of imagery and descriptions were astonishing. I felt as though I was Percy. And the second POV had a dramatic effect on that whole situation, as well, and placed me in Percy's position, allowing me, or any reader, to fall in love with Audrey just like Percy did.

All around, this was a great one shot. I love how you use the summary! There was so much room to do whatever, and you managed to find a unique way of incorporating that summary into a piece of art!

Wonderful job!

-Janelle

Author's Response: Hi!

Oh I just loved the banner! It's gorgeous! I can't believe how well it was made! Ooh way!

Oh, thank you so much! Yes, I do love my patterns! :) And rejoice for flow!

Well, I'm so glad you felt like Percy because that was what I was going for! And I'm so glad that the second person POV worked!

Thank you so much for everything, especially with providing me with the summary!
Lo:)


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Review #11, by nott theodore To Hold Your Tongue

9th January 2014:
Hi, Lo! I've been meaning to come and read something of yours for a while so I thought I'd try this one-shot when I saw it in the recently added section.

I really enjoyed this! Percy is one of those characters that I think is quite neglected in fanfiction, although I've noticed that there have been a few more stories about him recently. I always enjoy reading stories like this because Audrey is actually the only one of the Weasley spouses that we don't see at all in the books, so I think that leaves a lot of room for interpretation and I'm always interested to see how different authors choose to portray her.

Your characterisation of both of them here was really enjoyable. I got the sense that Percy's world was completely turned upside down when he met Audrey, and I think the impact she has on his life is written really effectively. I liked the way Audrey came across, too - in a short one-shot you added some complexity to her character and gave her a background story, which made me like her more.

The two of them seem like a really cute couple, actually, and I can see them working together. I loved the moments that you chose to write about here - they were really cute and well chosen and I thought they worked well to build up and give us more insight into the development of their relationship.

The detail you included here was probably one of my favourite things - the Weasley jumper, the fact Audrey wants two daughters, that her brother gives her away - that attention to your work makes it more enjoyable to read. The repetition of the phrase at the end of each section was brilliantly worked in, and I liked the fact that by the end of the piece Audrey was able to give Percy the courage to speak up at last.

Really well written and I enjoyed reading this - well done!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi Sian!

Ooh, well I'm glad you did! My first second person POV and my first Percy/Audrey, so let's see how I did!

Yay! You enjoyed it! Yes, I chose Percy because I wanted to explore him after the war and see how everything had changed him! Ooh, I'm interested to see what you thought of my interpretation!

Yay! Enjoyable characterization! Rejoice! I'm very glad you thought that way about the both of them, especially since I see Audrey as a girl that maybe even George might have fallen for, but instead she brought out the more Weasley-esque nature of Percy.

Well, I'm super glad you liked the moments I chose. They were specifically the firsts of their relationship, like the first time he saw her, the first time he talked to her, the first time he took her on a date, the first time they kissed, the first time he cried for her. It was a giant bundle of firsts.

I'm glad you found the little details enjoyable! I was thinking about the already canon facts and just slipped them in when I thought no one was looking (hehe, but I guess you were!). And I love the last sentence, it was really awesome to be able to continue with that and that at the end he could finally speak up to show her how much he loved her.

Thank you so much Sian! This was a beautiful review!
Lo:)


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Review #12, by WildSide To Hold Your Tongue

8th January 2014:
Awww, this is so cute! It made me smile!
I love how you divided up the writing into bits, like different stages of their relationship.
It's beautifully written, and your a really good author!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you!
This really means a lot, so thank you very much (I know I've already said that, but I mean it).
Lo:)


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