Reading Reviews for The Deathly Children
  
34 Reviews Found

Review #1, by The Misfit Symbols and Stories

11th July 2014:
AH ALBUS KILLED ARIANA *sobs* Unless Gellert is just messing with him...? Aargh. Aargh. *falls apart*

I loved this. I loved everything, particularly the letter from Gellert (the mention of Albus not answering made me think of Fortress: An Anatomy and wonder whether the Nurmengard in the letters and in Fortress is one and the same? Either way, I adore how he tries to make Albus concede and confess to his faults, despite the fact he's equally to blame. Gellert seems to be one of those people who insist on dragging you down with them, and poor Albus for being victim to that.

Death and Ariana! Our interpretations of Death are different, and yet I prefer yours -- the three women remind me of the three monkeys (see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil) and the way they (he? It?) subtly manipulate Ariana to draw the Hallows and behave like they desire is clever. The fable of the girl and the three witches was great, and the way it connects to Ariana is quite interesting; I'm intrigued -- with you, I doubt it's coincidence ;)

Actually, while writing this review I couldn't help comparing the three boys to the Hallows -- Albus is the Elder Wand, with power over Ariana (and Aberforth, to some degree) and he manipulates that power by dosing his sister with potions; Gellert is the Resurrection Stone, because after his imprisonment, he's latching on to Albus and their time together. And the way he talks about conquering the world -- it's like he was trying to show off, like a seventeen-year-old would. Aberforth is the Cloak, because though he's semi-important in the story (being Albus and Ariana's brother), he has the unfortunate habit of making himself constantly absent :P Of course, I could just be overanalysing the characters post-midnight...

You don't have to worry about the chapter being too long -- in fact, i feel like the chapter should have been longer. You cover so much in your chapters, and yet you do it exceptionally fluidly that it's like drifting down a river reading the chapter: no many how many milestones you pass, you always feel like you've never gone very far when in reality you've gone miles... Excuse the weird water-related analogy (is that the right word?) -- it's all I can think of that connects right now :P

This chapter was amazing, as always ♥ Good luck with completing it by the end of the month!

House Cup Review 2014

Author's Response: Heeyy lovely! ♥

You know why it's so fun to write Gellert? Because nobody knows whether he's lying or telling the truth. Sometimes I sit back and think about this when I'm writing, "Wait, is this guy lying, or is he telling some obscure truth, or what?!" *sews you back together*

I've come to the decision that 'Fortress' and TDC are AU to each other! 'Fortress' is just too strange and out there (well, TDC's just got a bit strange as well in this chapter), and the two don't fit too well together. But they're the same characters, definitely! The same Gellert taunting Albus, and yes, he's vindictive in trying to drag Albus down with him. He's this vindictive ex-lover and muahaha I can't wait to write more about him. *evil purple devil*

I would love to read about your interpretation of Death! And that's a great way to see Death, the three monkeys! And clearly you've picked up that three-ness is kinda a recurring thing in this fic. Well, it's recurring outside of this fic as well, y'know, the pagan Triple Goddess, the Holy Trinity etc. I just plucked my inspiration from those concepts and wove them into the story.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS OVERANALYSIS MUAHAHA

*is in love with your flowing river analogy*

Gah, THANK YOU SO MUCH. ♥

It really means a lot to me that you like this chapter and took the time to review! After all, this story is yours and is still being written for you (sorry for taking ages eep).



-teh


 Report Review

Review #2, by marauderfan Symbols and Stories

9th July 2014:
Teh!!! I know you posted this ages ago and I'm sorry it's taken me this long to get to it - but I finally have internet now, and thanks to the house cup, we get Hufflepuff points for this :D

So now for the chapter. As always, I really love reading the letters from Grindelwald - so twisted yet so entertaining. He knows which things to say to bother Albus the most, and since he has nothing else to do but wither away in his own prison, he writes them just to imagine how Albus will react and turn all these things over in his head. He's reminding Albus, as probably no one else would do, that despite the fact that Albus sent Gellert to prison and became famous as a symbol of good, that he's not that good. Essentially Gellert is saying "I know all your dark secrets". It's exactly the sort of letter that would haunt Albus' thoughts for a while, especially with that P.S. at the end. I can't decide whether Gellert actually knows this for a fact, or whether he's just saying it to make Albus feel guiltier.

Your portrayal of Ariana is so quirky and so wonderful. I feel like most of the things she does make sense, and then I realise that if it weren't from her POV there, she'd just be randomly throwing marbles at the wall and talking to herself. But in her vivid world with the three women and everything going on in her mind, I forget about that. And wow, the Deathly Hallows! I am so curious about that as well, particularly after Gellert's story, since those are the same three women. Death will not leave Ariana alone - it certainly makes her situation just a bit creepier than if they were just three random women she made up. And the Hallows symbol she drew on the skirting board - I think that'll come back in to the story eventually ;)

And what a story Gellert told! I have to admit I was looking for a moral in it too, and there doesn't appear to be one. It's a neat interpretation of the Deathly Hallows origin, and I wonder what Albus will make of it (because he loves riddles and will probably try and figure this one out, right?)

Also, random, but I loved how you described the light in the woods as 'syrupy', and the way the women's voices were like stagnant ponds or peeling tree bark. It's such unique, lovely description and I'm really jealous of your skills :D

I didn't think this chapter was too long! Your writing just grabs me in and I'm so absorbed in it that I don't notice the length. Anyway, I'm sorry it took almost a month for me to read this but it was an incredible chapter!!

For the House Cup 2014

Author's Response: Kristin!! HELLOO! :D

Gah, thank you for such a lovely detailed review! I'm so glad to see you back at this story. ♥

Gellert just won't let things go. And you're right, he has nothing better to do, anyway. All thanks to Albus. :P There was so much between the two, and now that it's all turned to poison for both of them. And the PS, hah! Sometimes I myself don't know whether Gellert is lying or not.

And ah, Ariana! I love your comment about how creepy it would be if she were actually imagining everything up, and you were an outsider looking in at her and seeing her toss marbles about and talk to an empty room.

As for the DH story, well here's where I start going a bit off the usual path for Albus/Ariana/Gellert etc. fics. I'm hoping that I can still make things believable and that most importantly, they'll tie together at the end! :P I'll probably be coming back to this story as the fic progresses. And yeah, Albus loves stories, legends, that kind of thing. I always imagine him as someone who's fascinated by narrative.

Aww, thank you for your squeeworthy comment on description! You write some lovely descriptive lines yourself! *hugs*

Thank you so much for this wonderful review, and I'm just really glad you're back! ♥ I should probably start writing the next chapter. :P

-teh


 Report Review

Review #3, by patronus_charm Symbols and Stories

6th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

Hey, teh, I love this task as it means I really can set up camp on your page :P

Ahahaha that letter ahahaha that letter. I canít say anymore other than Gellertís voice was perfect with its arrogant and gloating and it was just so him. Especially that final line though I canít help but wonder whether heís just saying that because of the circumstances or whether he really means it or notÖ.

The section with Ariana was so chilling and fitted in so well with the chapter title. Iím not entirely sure whether those people with her were real or visions, because you wrote them so well and they had this really haunting air about them. I think Iím leaning more towards visions giving Arianaís mental state too, but their spookiness added to the atmosphere of mystery and death so well and it was really great!

Albus and Gellertís scene was so fab as I had so many feels in it! I think I liked it because of its unpredictability which matched both of their characters so well too with the way it started off with Albus recommending him where to buy his fruit, to a discussion about power to them having a mini duel. Youíve just written both of them brilliantly with their ever changing nature and they really are so intriguing to read.

I loved the story about the girl and she had the Hallows and confronted Death! It was just written so well and so poetically too I felt as if I was being soothed or something and I really liked how you put a new twist on it. The girl reminded me of Ariana in a way and the way there were 3 witches there too, so it will be interesting to see if they link up or not.

I didnít think this chapter was too long or anything, I thought it was amazing and so beautiful! :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Heeyy Kiana!

Great to see back here! Baha, I hope you find your camping/living quarters satisfactory? :P

Ah, that letter. Why is it so fun to write mean and bitter Gellert? Oh, right, because nobody ever knows whether he's telling the truth or not. :P :P

Ariana is another one who becomes more and more interesting to write. Sometimes I throw in random unplanned details as I'm writing; that girl has a mind of her own. There's a good chance that she's completely mad. And there's a good chance that maybe she's not mad.

Aww, I'm so glad you like the Albus/Gellert scene and it didn't drag and such. These two never stay still, and especially not when they're together; I myself am kinda tracking them carefully as they move through the story, make sure they don't run off and leave me floundering behind. I'm glad you find them intriguing!

And ah, the story. I hope to build more on this in future chapters!

Thank you so much for this lovely review, Kiana! Thanks for coming back to read this chapter. ♥

-teh


 Report Review

Review #4, by CambAngst Symbols and Stories

26th June 2014:
Hi, teh!

Another brilliant chapter in this awesome story! I'm really surprised that more folks haven't been actively following this. OK, maybe they are following it and they aren't reviewing, which would be a shame. Either way, I think anyone who's aspiring to write any story on HPFF -- especially one set in this era -- could learn a lot from the way you use language and imagery and your descriptions of physical sensations. You do an amazing job of conveying mood and moment using these things!

I love Gellert's letters from prison. They're high-minded and articulate, yet blunt. The Dumbledore he's addressing is exactly the flawed, regretful man that Harry meets in King's Cross station near the end of Deathly Hallows. Not that Gellert doesn't have plenty of flaws of his own. But in his letters he acknowledges many of them, and tries to hold Albus to task on doing the same. Interesting that even after his horrible misdeeds and his defeat at Dumbledore's hands, Gellert seems to view himself as a conscience of sorts to his former friend. A very angry, vindictive, mocking conscience, but nonetheless one who's trying to make Albus face his own worst tendencies and shortcomings.

I love the way that you tied Ariana's three women together with the three witches in Gellert's story. That was pretty brilliant. Death seems to speak to Ariana, which I guess isn't so much of a stretch for a story like this one. And she's unconsciously making the symbol of the Hallows. Weird, fascinating stuff!

I thought it was very sad that Albus isn't even following up to make sure Ariana eats any more. He leaves her food at her door and goes about his business. :(

I tend to agree that the meetings between Gellert and Albus are anything but accidental. In so many ways, Gellert reminds me of a young Tom Riddle. He charms Albus and gradually reels him in. Never revealing too much, always teasing with just a hint here and there of the true potential that lies within. I think he's also started to understand Albus's other interest in him. The one that Albus doesn't even necessarily recognize at this point.

Gellert's story was really well done, I thought. On one level, Gellert's right. There isn't some clever moral lying beneath the surface, waiting to be discovered. The point seems rather simple, actually. Death's gifts are not gifts at all. For those who have everything yet cannot be satisfied and happy -- the villagers -- there are no magical good outcomes. The poor girl tries to "fix" them and only succeeds in killing them. It's an odd story for Gellert to share, but one that I think might haunt Albus later.

Ariana's insights into Gellert's character seem spot-on. Too bad Albus doesn't listen to her more. I loved the little comment about chewing on her dolls. You have a really neat way of bringing her back to being a somewhat disturbed teenage girl whenever I start to lose sight of that.

I really enjoyed this and no, I didn't think it was too long. Awesome job!

Author's Response: Hey Dan!!

I feel awful for taking so long to respond to this brilliant review. But thank you so much for coming back and reading and reviewing, especially since this chapter had no feedback at all, but you came along and changed that. I think I don't have many followers because these aren't very popular characters to read about, at least in a longer WIP? Also, I'm not a particularly fast writer, which might cause readers to lose interest. But thank you so much once again for coming back!

Ooh, love the way you described Gellert's voice in his letters as a "vindictive, mocking conscience". He does indeed know Albus really well, and I'm of the opinion that he doesn't think Albus deserves his fame and victory and all, or at least that Albus is the betrayer of the bond the both of them once shared.

Aah, I'm so glad you like the way I linked up Ariana's "hallucinations" with the story! I was seriously worried about that one, and I'm going to keep on worrying about it, but you've given me absolutely encouraging comments on this. I'm also quite excited to develop this aspect of the story a lot more. And of course, this is where my fic possibly begins to twist and turn a little way off the canon track. But I don't think this will go AU at all.

Albus is odd, isn't he? I believe that right now he's completely unable to see beyond himself. Well, he understands his brother and sister, he knows them well, but there's a barrier between him and them (there's a barrier betwenn each of them, in fact), and he's just unable to be completely empathetic with them. At least right now. Gellert is a refreshing twist for him in his dreary new life, so of course, he seizes on to this bright spark and hopes he can find a kindred spirit, somehow. Something to alleviate the boredom of his life.

And as usual, I'm having a ball with writing Ariana. No, she's not the completely destroyed girl I often encounter in fic. Certainly not.

Thank you for this amazing review, Dan! It's wonderful to see your continued support for this fic! ♥

-teh


 Report Review

Review #5, by Aphoride A Funeral

30th May 2014:
Hey there - sorry for getting here so late! I've been looking forward to reading this ever since the pairings went up, but end of exams and my birthday and my mum's birthday kinda threw everything out of whack :P

So, you should know that I adore Albus/Gellert. Beyond anything. They have, as far as I am concerned, the monopoly on tragic boyhood romances in HP :P I love stories about that summer and how they met and so on and so this seems exactly my kind of thing (plus your beautiful writing, which always helps! ;D)!

I love how you've started with a sort of almost prologue-esque letter, and how it's sort of accusing Dumbledore, even if not quite, it's angry and it's bitter and it works so well. Your writing is so brilliant and just gah... so nice! :) Even though we haven't technically met Gellert yet, as such, it still feels like because you've shown us what he becomes and sort of ends up as, that you've kinda let us know him already, if that makes any sense...

Your Albus is so similar to my head-canon young!Albus it's unreal :P I love how you didn't shy away from the harsh elements of his character - the loneliness, how he hates the village and doesn't really like Bathilda because she's nosy and irritating, how he and Aberforth don't get on... it makes him simultaneously sympathetic and not, you know, because it's understandable but also harsh things to feel. But yeah, he's wonderful. I'm so excited to see what else you do with him in this - how he develops and grows.

The last section is so sad. Poor, poor Ariana. I loved how you didn't make her stupid or anything, how she's still capable of understanding things, even if someone has to explain them to her, you know? And the way she's so scared of magic, and compares Albus and Kendra and kinda finds, in a way, both of them wanting, is so sad for all of them... I think it really highlights the tragedy of what happened to her - how she's scared of magic and Albus' gaze scares her and things, how she's barely ever alone... you've kinda taken things which might normally be little and created this debilitating condition with them. It's amazing writing, but incredibly sad.

As always, of course, your writing is stunning. The description is gorgeous and the detail is amazing - I loved the details about Kendra's body particularly (though it's kinda morbid to say) as they're so real and yet you avoid all the cliche things to say. The characters are so, so good before and I'm so fascinated to know what you're going to do with them later on...

So yeah, I'm hooked, and I'll be back at some time in the future for sure ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello, Aph!

First of all, massive apologies for taking forever to respond to your review. -hides-

And speaking of that, thank you so much for leaving such a lovely detailed review on my fic! Your comments made me incredibly happy, and I love how you analysed the characters.

Albus/Gellert is my OTP of this fandom! I love them together - they're such a fascinating pair of characters - not the easiest to write, but definitely one of the most interesting character couples to read about in fic. And I'm glad you found it to be your kind of thing (I've seen you post somewhere on the forums that you have an Albus/Gellert, though I can't seem to find it, so maybe you haven't posted it up yet? When you do, I'm looking forward to reading!) Like you, adore this pair and I'm always looking for more about them.

Ah, Gellert's letter. He doesn't actually appear in this opening chapter, but I thought the letter would be sort of a hint to his character, or at least to show how the whole relationship has turned out. It also kind of opens up a different sort-of parallel timeline to the main action of the story; I dunno, I might have overdone things, but it was worth a shot, trying stuff out! :P

Albus Dumbledore as a character in the books is like the epitome of perfection. Seriously. Brilliant, witty, confident, assured, never wrong in his guesses, highly intelligent, sagely...beyond any sort of mistake. Until of course, that final book, when his whole perfect image is sort of shattered, and he's brought right down to the level of the average human being. Or as flawed as Dumbledore can get. So I decided to develop his more selfish negative aspects a little more, make him a little more vulnerable as a character. And wow, it sounds great that we both have such similar headcanons of him!

Ariana is the most interesting of characters to write for me. Her characterisation goes places and probably diverges from canon, mostly because I can't stand how she's portrayed in the books. Actually she wasn't portrayed at all, and she's only seen through her brothers' eyes. So she's a very elusive, mysterious figure, which provides me a little bit of free rein with her.

Thank you so, so much for this wonderful review, Aph! I'll be keeping an eye out for your Albus/Gellert, and once again, forgive me for taking so long to respond to all your lovely comments! ♥

-teh


 Report Review

Review #6, by lovegoodlooney A Funeral

26th April 2014:
This is so good! I've been looking for it since your review on my story, and I have found it! The letter at the start really sets it off, and I love how you portray Bathilda. This is far better than my attempt of a Dumbledore fanfiction!

Author's Response: Hey there!

Wow, thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time to read my story! This is actually a fic that I really love writing, so it means a whole lot to me to receive this review!

Aww, I don't think it's better than your story; I think both our fics are different and yours is wonderful! ^.^ Here's to more Dumbledore family fics! ♥

-teh


 Report Review

Review #7, by CambAngst At The Churchyard Again

6th April 2014:
Hi, teh! I love getting another crack at this story. You're doing such a good job with it!

Poor Kendra! You did a great job of showing the strain that Ariana's care -- as well as her responsibilities to Albus and Aberforth in the wake of their father's imprisonment and death -- caused her. She seems like a shadow of her former self, gradually losing her strength and substance. It's easy enough to see what. Any little thing can apparently set off Ariana's episodes. The poor girl can't be left alone for any length of time. That has to put a huge strain on everyone around her.

Kendra is so dedicated to her daughter, though. She subdues Bathilda without hesitation, barely a thought given to what she's doing. I'm sure her apology is sincere after some fashion; she knows that what she's doing isn't right. But in the end, she does what she must to keep Ariana's secret safe.

I really like what you did with the confrontation between Aberforth and Gellert. You showed some common flaws between the two of them, like impatience and a quickness to violent solutions. But whereas Aberforth is rash and heated in his approach, Gellert is cold and calculating. He concedes the blow to his own face in order to get Aberforth's wand away from him. I'm making careful mental note of the fact that the allegiance of Aberforth's wand is now in question. If the wand is now loyal to Gellert and it comes to a duel...

Aberforth is so good to Ariana. It's no wonder that she loved him so deeply, even though it was Albus that she truly idolized. She's such a sweet girl, in spite of her problems. She's committed to trying to hold what's left of her family together. She knows that her brothers need each other, even though both are too stubborn to admit such weakness. I'm really curious about what she's done with the pine cone doll. You keep weaving these clever little details into your story and I have the feelings that many of them will surface again.

Gellert plays Albus pretty well in their first encounter. He isn't cloying or overly deferential; that would have made Albus suspicious. Instead, he treats him like an equal and he doesn't look down upon him for being bound to the "boring" village of Godric's Hollow. He holds just enough of a mystery in front of Albus to whet his appetite, but he doesn't come right out and ask for his help. He simply shows him a direction and then steps aside to allow Albus to decide whether to follow it. Very clever, indeed. And then the coup de grace: he gives Aberforth's wand back. In one smooth act, he shows thoughtfulness and contrition while placing a potentially tainted wand in the hand of a potential enemy. Genius!

I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter, to the point where I'm not quite sure whether this review does it justice. Other people's chapters are easier for me to review because I can always pick out a handful of passages that I want to specifically highlight. You write so smoothly and your work is so well-balanced that it's hard to pick out the high points. It's all excellent, but I can't very well copy and paste the whole thing. ;) Difficult, but it's a burden I bear happily. Great job!

Author's Response: Dan!

Gah, thank you for yet another wonderful review. It really is such a treat when a reader engages so deeply with the story, theorising about the characters and so on...I'm going to have to be really, really careful not to have any plot holes - or too many plotholes. :P

Taking care of Ariana does indeed put a huge strain on everyone responsible; that's what I was trying to show with Kendra, and how Albus is possibly doomed to go down that same path. In my opinion, when I was writing Kendra, I wanted to write someone absolutely bent on holding the remnants of her broken little family together, even if some of the decisions she makes are of an equivocal morality.

YES. You're the only reviewer to point out that Gellert conceded the blow to his face just to obtain Aberforth's wand. I got very excited when I saw your comment on that. You're incredibly perceptive! Aberforth is indeed the most selfless of the Dumbledores, and it was great to see that you understand Ariana's feelings for him, but also that she adores Albus so intensively. I'm quite looking forward to developing more of Ariana; she's my favourite character to write so far, namely because too many fics have relegated her character to a kind of mad, helpless, and irreparably damaged figure. I'm looking to change that.

All scenes will Albus and Gellert in them together are going to be pretty tricky for me to write, so it's great encouragement for me to read your comments about them. I'm glad this first meeting works for you!

Thank you once again for yet another brilliant review! I've enjoyed reading your comments and compliments, and they honestly mean a great deal to me. Thanks, Dan! ♥

teh


 Report Review

Review #8, by patronus_charm At The Churchyard Again

2nd April 2014:
Yayaya, Iím sort of glad I didnít have time to review this straight after reading it as it gave me an excuse to come and read it again now Iím reviewing it :D

I loved the opening section when Bathilda discovered Kendra and Ariana as it was such a fantastic way to fit it with canon and made me view it in a completely different way. Your characterisation of Kendra was so fantastic I can barely describe it but it fitted perfectly with how I imagined her. There was the fierce loyalty to her daughter and the secret and the way she almost became predatory when Bathilda suggesting contacting St. Mungoís about her illness and then had to immobilise her. You humanised her though and it seemed as if she did regret what she had to do even if it meant protecting Ariana and that mix of emotions was really great!

Can I just say that I love Aberforth thanks to you? In that scene with Gellert I was just cheering him along throughout as heís just so good and loving and caring. He genuinely just wants to do whatís best for his sister and seeing that is so touching as sibling love is so rarely explored, and that contrasted nicely with this cold and vicious character of Gellert. I really liked it for another reason as this altercation gave some background as to why they never really got on and it will be interesting what future spats the pair of them have.

The scene at the graveyard with Ariana and Aberforth was so touching (I swear I use that word all the time when mentioning him :P). It just tied in really well with what I just said about Aberforth and we got to see more about the vulnerable character of Ariana. I canít help but wonder whether because she senses Albus blames her for their motherís death it will make her deteriorate more rapidly or not.

Ooh so they met! I almost canít cheer them on after Gellert got into that fight with Aberforth, but on the other hand theyíre both so curious Iím so happy we get to see them together as theyíre so fascinating to read. Again, I canít help but wonder whether Albusí infatuation with Gellert will make him believe in the Hallows more or whether he genuinely does think they exist.

A fabulous chapter, teh!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Gaahhh, Kiana! ♥

THANK YOU yet again for another fabulous review! Honestly, I feel so lucky to have you as a follower of this story; from the start, I didn't think I'd get many readers for this, because of the not-so-popular era and my slow updating speed. So, have more hearts: ♡ ♡ ♡ ❥

Aslkjlasf your comments on Kendra THANK YOU. She was one of the main characters in the original NaNo novel, but not in this fic, since she's already deceased. But still, I have a lot of material that I've written about her, so I feel like I know her character pretty well. Above all things, she wants to hold her family together, even if it means that her actions become a little morally ambiguous. Poor Bathilda, she hardly stood a chance against Kendra. But then again, Kendra is dead and Bathilda isn't, and won't be, at least not for a very long time.

Aberforth is seriously one of the biggest surprises for me. When I began writing, I thought that he would be sidelined a little, while I focused on Ariana, Albus and Gellert. But somehow he started playing a larger role in the story, which of course makes things more balanced, and develops the Dumbledore siblings in more detail. And also makes things far more complex to write. :P Aberforth, despite his odd nature, is the one who loves and adores Ariana the most, and this is something that she recognises. I also didn't expect Aberforth to meet Gellert first, but then I rearranged the chapter and thought, hmm, this is odd, I don't know if it will work, but let's try it out and see.

And YES, they met. That was like, the hardest scene to write EVER. My gosh. I honestly hope I did those two justice! As for the Hallows, you'll have to read more to find out! Wait, that means I have to write the next chapter. :P (I'm planning that out, and hopefully it won't take too long!)

Thank you so much for coming back to read, Kiana! ♥

teh


 Report Review

Review #9, by adluvshp A Funeral

2nd April 2014:
Hey Nicole =)

Here for the TGS review exchange!

I skimmed through this chapter once before but didn't get time to properly read and review it. So, I'm glad I got that chance today as this was really a very well-written chapter and the story seems amazing!

I loved the letter in the beginning. I think it set the perfect tone for the story. Grindelwald's "style' of writing was also interesting and quite impressive, and essentially how I'd imagine him to speak/write. The way he addresses Albus and appears to know him so well and the way he comments on certain things about him, it was very unsettling and I worry for Albus now. This just shows the powerful writing it was!

Then, as we moved into the past - of the day of the funeral - we got an insight into Albus' mind which was pretty brilliant. I absolutely love your characterisation of him. I think a younger Dumbledore would have been a lot like that. The most interesting aspect of this segment was how Albus "mourned" the death of not just his mother - but his "life" as well. It told a lot about his personality and I found myself not being able to decide whether to sympathise with him or dislike him. At the same time, I also liked how concerned he was that the "family" shouldn't be tarnished - circulating a rumour etc. Bathilda's inclusion was also a nice touch to emphasise how much he disliked sympathy and how he suspected something to have gone awry - I just wanted to shout and say Bathilda's memory has been modified when that scene happened where she couldn't remember what she had to say but of course Albus couldn't have heard me.

I loved how you wrote Ariana as well. I can guess it would have been hard to characterise her as she has an unstable and almost naive mind and at the same time she is quite sharp (I think) but you nailed it. I adore her and enjoyed reading her thought process. It was interesting to see what she thought of her brothers and her mother. The last bit also made me slightly sad that she didn't know her mother was dead but at the same time she suspected something was wrong.

All in all, I think this was a beautiful chapter with great descriptions. I am eager to read more, and see more of Aberforth too. The plot is very intriguing and your writing quite powerful. I am already hooked to the story so I'll be returning (hopefully) soon to read on.

Great job =)
10/10
Cheers,
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hey Aditi!

Thank you so much for such a lovely review! This was wonderful to receive, and thank you for all the lovely compliments!

Glad you like the starting letter, and how it seems to fit Grindelwald's voice. He does indeed know Albus very well, too well, in fact, and it's good to hear that this familiarity does carry through his words. Those two do indeed have a lot of history together.

Waaah, so flattered to hear your thoughts about young Albus! He's such a tricky character to write; I don't want him to be the same as the old Dumbledore, who's so very wise and all - I was aiming for a less perfect picture of him in his youth. One where he has flaws as the rest of us, where he doesn't hide himself so well, as he does when he's much much older. Albus in this fic does indeed exhibit a degree of self-absorption; but after all, he's still a teenager, barely an adult, and already he has the huge burden on his shoulders.

Albus is very perceptive, but not enough it seems!

As for Ariana, I wanted her to be sharper than how she's usually portrayed in fic. Not so sweet, but self-aware and fairly lucid. Things will get a little strange with her, though. She's my favourite character to write!

Thank you so much for your wonderful comments, AD! This review really made my day! ♥

teh


 Report Review

Review #10, by Lululuna At The Churchyard Again

29th March 2014:
Hello, teh! :) I think this is the 4th of your 5 prize reviews? Something like that, anyway, I was so excited to see you updated this! :D

Can I just say that Theophilius Thimble is just an adorable name for a little old wizard? It sounds like something JKR would think up. I'm very intrigued by Bathilda's letters and the effect they might have on the story, and I like how well you've captured the formal yet friendly tone of the letters and the time period. The language the characters use is very believable.

I like how this chapter seemed to have three main sections to it - each of the Dumbledore siblings, and how that fits with the theme of the number three through the Hallows.

Kendra was standing at the kitchen table crushing Sopophorous Beans, a pile of thick, earth-clotted Gurdyroots at her side, her face half-curtained by shadow. I loved the little details like this, the descriptions of the almost mundane actions of the characters' lives. They really bring the story to life in a powerful, visual way, and for some reason this scene in particular stood out to me.

Kendra's character is fascinating here, how she seems trapped inside herself in the same way that Ariana is, how worn down and fatigued her spirit has become. I like how observant Ariana was about her mother, how observant and sensitive a girl she is. The moment where Kendra curses Bathilda to forget was so dynamic in showing how her sense of right and wrong when it comes to her daughter are warped and how she'll intrude upon Bathilda in order to protect Ariana - that moment showed how she's almost mad with her desperation to keep going. Changing somebody's memory seems like such a pervasive thing. That section also had me wondering how Ariana's life might have been if she had been sent into the hospital - considering the Muggle treatment of the time for the mentally impaired, it probably would have been a harsh experience, but I wonder if there is some rationale to Bathilda's claim that Ariana should not be posing a danger to the Muggles of the village.

My poor Bathilda, the Dumbledores are so mean to her! :( From calling her old and foolish, to wiping her memory. She's brilliant and beautiful, guys, stop treating her so harshly! :P

...the Crone interjected, her face protruding from the wall like an unsightly growth. I loved the mention of the women in the walls - that was one of my favourite parts of the last chapter, and it's so interesting to see how they're a regular part of Ariana's daily life, always there and pestering her and making little comments which both reflect and oppose the way she seems to see herself.

Gellert is written perfectly here, and it's fascinating to see how he treats both Dumbledore boys so differently. The explanation that he read about Albus' work at Bathilda's and how he heard about Albus makes me think that Gellert planned to befriend Albus, or at least to use him.

His treatment of Aberforth was just despicable, but suited how underhanded and greedy he is. I was quite surprised to see him return the wand to Albus, but that does make sense - after all, Albus might hesitate to befriend him if he knew that Gellert had stolen Aberforth's wand, no matter their strained relationship. I found that whole encounter really interesting, and like how you used the HP-lore of "winning" a wand in the story. :) It shows how poor Aberforth is really no match for Gellert.

It also made me sad how Albus didn't defend his brother, but admitted that he has a quick temper instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt. And how Ariana knows that he blames her for their mother's death - you do a really good job of showing how Albus is quite self-involved and unable to love his siblings purely unconditionally. Another detail I found interesting, though, was how Albus is trying to sell his writing to make money, presumably to support his family. I felt that Aberforth blamed Albus for paying more attention to his work than to his siblings, but he is doing it for them as well. So that showed yet another misunderstanding between the brothers, and how they are just unable to empathize with one another.

Then the contrast with Gellert's greedy underhandedness and then his charm with Albus is also wonderful. It shows what a slippery person he is, how he manipulates people and can change his face like a second skin.

They pass stone angels with outstretched wings and hands clasped in prayer, square crosses with jagged stumps of arms, weathered arches, wrecked slabs of granite and marble veined with dirt, and crumbling mausoleums with missing doors and unimaginable darknesses within. I absolutely loved this section and the descriptions of the village and the churchyard. Just the word "churchyard" feels so delightfully old-fashioned, and I like how there's that forlorn, silent kind of feeling to it brought to life by your beautiful writing. The mentions of the ghosts in the church were wonderful as well, and such a great detail.

Well, I'm going to run out of room, and I blame you for writing such a lovely story that I just want to ramble about! :P This was a flawless chapter which I really enjoyed, and I'm looking forward to the next one already. Amazing job, as usual, my dear! ♥

Author's Response: Gah, thank you for this absolutely amazing monster review, Jenna! ♥ Your comments were absolutely wonderful to read.

Ah, I'm so glad you thought the tone and language of the letters were believable, and this really means a lot coming from you (you write historical fic so well!).

I loved your comments on Kendra as well. I've written quite a lot about Kendra actually, so I know her character fairly well, though she won't feature so heavily in this story, given that she's already deceased and all. I feel that for Kendra, keeping the family intact is of the utmost importance to her, to not let that incident in the past along with Percival's imprisonment and early death tear her family apart. I think it was mentioned in DH that she wanted to keep Ariana home because if the Ministry knew of her dangerous and uncontrollable condition, they would lock her up in St. Mungo's for good. I think it was also mentioned that Ariana's powers were a threat to the Statute. So I think I drew quite a lot from canon there, with regards to why Ariana remains at home instead of treatment being sought for her. And I think you're definitely right about how hospitals during this time period would have been a lot harsher to people with conditions like Ariana's, compared to present day hospitals.

Poor Bathilda! :( The Dumbledores do seem rather impatient around her!

And I'm glad you like Gellert; he's hard to figure out, and sometimes when I'm writing him, I have to stop and think, what exactly is he up to now?

There are plenty of misunderstandings between the siblings; I'm glad you noticed! I feel that sometimes they're a bit self-absorbed, or they're resentful toward each other, and they're all struggling to cope with this new living situation in the wake of their mother's death. I think Albus is only about seventeen or eighteen, and already he has to make such sacrifices.

I love that word as well! Churchyard. I had so much fun depicting that scene, and describing the setting of the cemetery. I had to look through quite a number of Google pictures to see how cemeteries looked like across the centuries.

Ah, thank you so, so much for this fantastic review! This has just made my day, and I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter! I'm planning out the fourth one now, and hopefully will start writing soon! Thank you, lovely! ♥

teh


 Report Review

Review #11, by marauderfan At The Churchyard Again

29th March 2014:
Yay new chapter!!

Flammable sneezes... dragon pox must be the worst. Ok now for the real review.

Ooh, the part about Kendra doing a Memory Charm on Bathilda was intense! Bathilda made a good point, though. Also, I think someone's put a Memory Charm on me, because I can't remember (if it was even mentioned in DH) why they never took Ariana to St. Mungos for possible treatment in the first place. But you made a mention of it here when Kendra reacted, so I'm hoping you go into that a little in future chapters.

Ariana's POV is always interesting to read. I can never tell what's real and what's not, which is rather fitting as I suppose it's all real for her, including the crone in the wall.

I didn't expect Aberforth to be the first one to meet Grindelwald! That encounter did not really surprise me, though, given their personalities, both a bit hotheaded but Gellert more in control of his temper and much more manipulative. And after this, I can certainly see why Aberforth would be especially annoyed at Albus for spending time with Gellert - someone of whom his first impression was already negative, and then adding that to the fact that Albus stops looking after Ariana.

So Albus met Gellert! I think that despite his insistence that there's not much to the Deathly Hallows, he's going to start researching all he can about them because of what Gellert said, and of course because I think Albus is the type of person to have to go research something just to find out more and satisfy curiosity.

Excellent chapter, teh!

Author's Response: *squishes*

Eee, thank you, Kristin! ♥

I can't take credit for the flammable sneezes; I read in the HP Wikia that dragonpox sufferers may sneeze sparks, and I just thought it would be funny if those sparks were actually highly flammable haha. Guess a person with dragon pox should never go to a gas station.

Glad you thought the bit with Kendra and Bathilda was intense. In my original NaNo novel, on which this fic is based, Kendra was one of the main characters, but she's not going to have a very large role here. I think, from DH, it was mentioned that Ariana's accident and resulting condition was kept secret because her powers were a threat to the Statute of Secrecy, and she would be confined to St. Mungo's for the rest of her life. So, so far, I'm sticking to canon here! :P

I didn't expect Aberforth to be the first one to meet Grindelwald, either! I honestly thought it would be Albus. But this chapter went and wrote itself, and at the end when I was editing, I decided to swap things around. I'm not sure how this fic is going to pan out yet, but it won't have that many chapters, so I'm going to move through things fairly quickly. Gellert is a bully, baha!

And the Hallows, ah. More about that in the next chapter, which I'm going to have to think about very carefully!

Thank you so much for your lovely review, Kristin! ♥

-teh


 Report Review

Review #12, by Pixileanin The Women in the Walls

27th February 2014:
First let me start by saying that I love the chapter titles you have so far! They are so emotive! But don't let that put any pressure on you for future chapter titles or anything. I know how it can be a challenge... how many chapters do you have planned for this story? Do you know yet?

"One of the things I adore about history is the complete unreliability of it, the irrelevance of any measure of objectivity."

Me too. Though, I don't adore it. I tend to not take it as seriously, but for the same reason. Hehe!

Now you've got me insanely curious about this Master Thimble person. Who is he, what does he really want, and are Mrs. Bagshot's books going to be returned in any semblance of dignity that they were loaned with??? Oh, the books! I am so worried!

Oh, Gellert! What a monster! He has no heart at all, that boy!

I loved the way that the wand snapped inside his head, "a fracture of his thoughts". That was lovely, and incredibly powerful. Though I'm inclined to think that Gellert's mind has already been snapped in two... or at least the part where his conscience should be is severely damaged.

"Oak is stolid and lutreless and stupid..."

I loved that line too. Of all the horrible things that Gellert seems capable of, you've given him some fantastic lines.

He treats his exit from that school like he's being let out of prison of sorts. It makes me wonder how he came to be there, and if anyone had put him there against his will... or maybe it's just because, as he said, he had outgrown the school and this was an excuse for him to leave early. Either way, Gellert's attitude has alarm bells ringing in my head. I feel like I should be calling several Ministries and warning them about his unauthorized use of a Portkey.

Ariana's story is frightfully tragic. I loved the spin you put on the reason why she is damaged, why her magic is damaged now. The three people in her room seem to be connected to that event somehow. It makes me want to guess theories about them, and I wonder if they are connected to the box or the contents of the box, or if that's just Ariana's imagination at work. so intriguing!

Her episodes seem so tied in to the fire incident. It's great how you used that, and your description of things seems to dance around the light and the hot, and things like that. It all blends together and makes the narrative a delight to read... even though we're dealing with the dark things. I find myself pulled into it. So well done there!

So... um... you got a next chapter hiding around here somewhere?

Author's Response: I do have part of a third chapter sitting in my computer! There's about 2K written for it, and I'm hoping to have it completed by the end of next week. ^.^ THANK YOU, PIX ♥ ♥

You like the chapter titles? Thanks! I had no idea they could be considered emotive; I actually enjoy coming up with chapter titles, maybe because I don't have many WIPs I'm working on, so it's not often I get the chance to come up with titles of things! And by the way, I have ten chapters planned for this, and I think that's all it will take to finish the story - or maybe eleven chapters if there are plot holes that need filling :P

Ooh, I think you're the first reviewer who has actually exhibited interest in Master Thimble! You're on the right track, my dear. Will the books be returned in excellent condition? Will Bathilda's books EVER be the same again!!?

I enjoy writing Gellert. Like seriously, really, completely; I never knew it was so exhilarating to write a Dark wizard/future Dark Wizard. I'm glad you like Gellert's lines! I do select his lines quite carefully; I mean he has to come off as fairly intelligent, and somewhat condescending and arrogant. He doesn't like anything restricting him, which explains why he's actually pleased to be expelled from Durmstrang.

As for Ariana, with her sections, the lines between reality and imagination are always going to be a little hazy. I hope I'll be able to pull this off!

Thank you once again for your absolutely wonderful reviews, Pix! ♥ I'm so glad we were paired up for this month's TGS exchange! I do hope you'll stick around for the rest of the story.

-teh


 Report Review

Review #13, by Pixileanin A Funeral

27th February 2014:
Hey, it's about time I came around here to review this! Sorry for the "end of times" delay, but you know about RL and all that. I am excited to be paired with you this month! I've read this story a few times already, but I never had the time to put my thoughts together.

No time like the present!

I am really excited about the time period you chose for this story. I haven't read a lot of stories in this era, and it's one of those periods that leaves us a bunch of room to play, so I can't wait to see where you take us!

Your opening already has chills on my arms, because it sounds like he's coming after Albus Dumbledore in the worst way possible, calling him back to the roots of something that he knows Albus wants to forget. I love the last line, where he says that he is "not that generous", and then the last-last line, the one about how Aberforth wasn't responsible... is he going to come back with claims against Albus' character? Will it be worse than that???

You've gotten me seriously worried with the first section. How can you do that to me? Great opening, if you didn't get the point of all that. The letter carries a sense of wrongness to it, something that should be left alone that he's bringing into the light.

So now you take us back to the beginning of the story, where Albus tries to deal with the grief and guilt that is his family. I loved how you included Bathilda in this, as the concerned neighbor. She seems to know what the family needs, even though Albus is reluctant to accept the help. He seems so concerned about the story of his, making sure that no one can find fault with it or point a finger elsewhere. It shows his protective nature over his family, his sister. I can see why he doesn't allow himself to grieve over his mother, he has other things on his mind, like how he's going to manage his sister.

I loved the details that you gave Albus' mother, that she was strong and patient and put all of her energy into Ariana. It really gives us a clear picture of what kind of life Albus faces for himself now. He has to become that person that his mother was, and he will do it. But I can sense that he will hate it. I love that line you threw in, where he's mourning his previous existence, like he's burying his life along with his mother's. This seems very fitting for someone of his age and temperament that I got from the HP story. I've never seen it expressed quite this deliberately before. It's great, and it's refreshing.

I also love how you introduced Ariana. I'm excited that she's a conscious, thinking being, and she has this strange awareness of the things surrounding her. Your description of the way that the magic burns within her, like a sickness instead of a friend, it tells me that something bad will happen from this. You're setting up quite a scenario, and I can't wait to see how you have it play out.

Great first chapter here!

Author's Response: Hello Pix!!

My goodness, this is some review you've left me! Thank you!! For taking the time to read and leave such detailed comments. And don't worry about 'end of times' delay and all that; RL refuses to be easy for most of us, unfortunately.

I haven't read a lot of stories in this era either! And those which I have read, well they're mostly one-shots. Ah, I'm glad you found the opening part, letter and all, unsettling! There is indeed a sense of wrongness to it - Grindelwald was always a bit wrong, right up to his death, I believe.

And ah, Albus. Yes, he's in such a miserable situation - being gifted and brilliant and all that...and very trapped as well. He is indeed mourning his loss of freedom; just like what he says in DH, it isn't as though he does not care about Ariana or Aberforth, but there's an element of self-centredness and self-absorption to his character. I'm glad you find this refreshing.

And Ariana isn't going to be the vacant, sweet-faced girl who occasionally throws a dangerous fit, as she is usually portrayed in fic. I do mean to make her more conscious and aware of things; it's so much more fun to write her this way, in my humble opinion!

Thank you once again for this lovely review!! It's made my day and I loved reading your comments and observations about this opening chapter!

-teh


 Report Review

Review #14, by MrsJaydeMalfoy The Women in the Walls

11th February 2014:
Another amazing and intriguing chapter, dear! This chapter really gives a lot of insight into Gellert and Ariana's characters. First, there's the scene with those horrid boys, and Ariana burning in her own magic... that certainly makes her condition more understandable and heartbreaking. And then the description of the women that only she can see - I honestly got goosebumps reading that bit! Your description made it so easy for me to picture them, slowly sliding out of the walls. And I certainly found it interesting that they appeared when she was burned and haven't gone away since. I'm really curious as to who these women are. Are they simply a figment of Ariana's fractured mind, or are they something more? Perhaps some sort of ancient equivalent to the Peverell brothers, or a personification of Ariana's magic, speaking to her? (I know you may not be able to answer these questions without giving away the plot - I'm just sort of thinking out loud here). :)

Although her episodes are absolutely horrible, I really loved your description and explanation of them; the light setting her off, and her whole body seeming to be consumed by that flame she was shoved into. And the Rune-reading... wow! I'm really curious as to whether or not the Rune is predicting Gellert's arrival.

Speaking of Gellert, I'm really curious about what's going to happen now that he's in Godric's Hollow. But, I suppose only time will tell!

Outstanding chapter, and I eagerly await the next! 10/10!

-Jayde

Author's Response: You're incredibly perceptive, my dear Jayde! So many of your guesses are on target; the rune-reading was in fact sort of predicting and alluding to Gellert's arrival - it's one of the little things I added to Ariana's character. I really do want to write my own version of Ariana Dumbledore, which isn't going to be all sweet and vacant and helpless. I see her as someone who may be both delusional but at the same time very lucid, who fights fiercely against her condition, who is talented in her own way. She /is/ a Dumbledore after all.

The three women were originally meant to be the Peverell brothers! Gah, your guesses are amazingly accurate. But I couldn't quite fit the Peverell brothers in without the story sounding too forced, so I changed it a bit, and now...muahaha! I have my own weird version of events here.

TIME WILL TELL INDEED.

Thank you so so much, lovely! ♥ ♥

teeh


 Report Review

Review #15, by MrsJaydeMalfoy A Funeral

11th February 2014:
Hello there, lovely! ♥

First off, let me just congratulate you once again for winning Featured Story! And now that I've finally got some free time on my hands, I thought it was about time I came and gave your story some love! :)

Judging from your other pieces that I've read, I knew that this was going to be good... you really never fail to amaze me. This covers such a 'dark' period (dark because of Kendra's death and its effects on Albus, but also dark because this is a period we don't know much about). I think it's safe to say that you have a knack for taking little-known characters, time periods and situations and turning them into something so well-written and amazing that it could easily BE canon! :)

I found this first chapter to be beautiful and heartbreaking. I really loved seeing things from the three different characters' perspectives. As we discovered in "Deathly Hallows", there is something sinister in the past of the man we all know and love as Albus Dumbledore, and I think you did an outstanding job of conveying that complexity.

My curiosity is piqued; I'm wondering what Bathilda is reluctant to tell Albus, and I'm also wondering if we'll see any more letters from Grindelwald in the future.

As always, the flow and writing itself are just plain phenomenal. An absolutely amazing first chapter, and I'm off to the next!

-Jayde

Author's Response: Jayde! ♥

Ahhh, thank you SO MUCH for your absolutely fabulous reviews, my dear, and I'm so sorry for taking so long to respond! UGH. Thanks for taking the time to read and review both chapters, even though you have such an absolutely hectic life; I really appreciate this! ♥

Honestly, you're far too kind with your compliments *hugs* I am indeed hoping that this piece will fit into canon; it pushes the boundaries of canon a lot, but still, I'm hoping that things will fit in the end, and dare I hope, offer a different insight on these wonderful canon characters and the fateful events that affected them and completely changed their lives.

I do agree, there is something sinister about Albus Dumbledore; his clean, dazzling record is...not so clean after all. In DH, it was revealed that he was still human after all, he had weaknesses, plenty of them - he had pride, ego; he was selfish. Brilliant, but with his fair share of faults. And I really wanted to explore this aspect of him.

Thank you, my dear! You'll find out everything all in good time! :P ♥ ♥

teh


 Report Review

Review #16, by marauderfan The Women in the Walls

2nd February 2014:
Ok, I know you don't want to respond to more reviews now, but who doesn't like a review? :D besides, I've been meaning to read this ever since you posted the second chapter.

I love the way you started off this chapter with a letter too. The voice you've given Bathilda is fantastic. It sounds properly like an old lady kind of rambling on about her books, and I think it fits so well with a character who we know has a fondness for magical history!

ok but the first line of the actual narrative, when Grindelwald is standing by the plain... hdhsuhvhfiays how do you use words?!? I love it. Seriously, the words flow so musically and the imagery is wonderful.

I'm beginning to realise this will not be as short of a review as I intended if I keep gushing about every paragraph. So it may be long and obnoxious to respond to... your own fault really, for writing such a beautiful story. :p

I love your portrayal of Grindelwald. He's so arrogant and sly and I really don't like him haha but he is EXACTLY what I imagined Grindelwald to be like at that age. Based on the interaction with the wand snapping, how he wasn't really taking it seriously and then broke it himself - he thinks he is so clever and superior. You have done so well commmunicating his personality just by a few actions.

I really liked the way you wrote the 'episode' from Ariana's POV. (I love her thoughts on 'episodes' too, haha - the neck of Ariana!) But anyway, she's so in her own world and living in her head, so that's not what her episodes look like from the outside - what Albus sees, as he doesn't see Glass Girl or Mother, it must look like Ariana just talking to herself. As sad as it is, I really like this view into Ariana's mind and what she sees and is dealing with. Her thoughts on that are interesting too, the way she sees her brothers as blind because they can't see the three women. But I liked the way you wrote both brothers trying to comfort her though - I know they argue and generally don't get on but here it is obvious how much they care for their sister.

The flashback about the Muggle boys bullying her was heartbreaking. She was so fragile and that really just put her in a dark place.

And Grindelwald at the end, being so charming... reminds me a bit of Tom Riddle! I am excited for him to meet Albus though.

excellent chapter teh!! This is such a wonderful story!

Author's Response: Ahahah, yes I do love reviews indeed! And here I am responding to your not-obnoxious-at-all review. :P THANK YOOUU. This was such a lovely review to receive!

What...how do I use words? Same way as anyone does! With a blender of course. :P

I'm glad you like Bathilda's rambly letter. She doesn't have that great a role in this story, but I still wanted to give her a bit of a voice, and a personality.

Grindelwald, ha! Arrogant little twerp. :P Absolutely hilarious to write! Yes, he does think very highly of himself, doesn't he? But he would be a proper Dark Lord in the future if he were all humble and self-deprecating and such. I'm so so glad you thought Gellert's character was appropriately written! He's quite an intimidating character to write, both him and Albus.

Ahaha, you're the first one to comment on those 'episodes' of Ariana Dumbledore. I rambled a bit at that part, but thought it worked well with everything else, so I left it in. There's going to be a thin line separating delusion from reality, madness from myth, and I'm very eager to explore these concepts. The three women are quite possibly a hallucination of Ariana's. Or they are quite possibly something else. I dunno. We'll have to wait and see, and I've got a lot of sorting out to do with this story!

I am excited from Albus to meet Gellert as well!

Thanks for the fab review, Kristin! Thanks for swapping with me and making me respond to more reviews. :P ♥ ♥

teh


 Report Review

Review #17, by MissesWeasley123 The Women in the Walls

30th January 2014:
Hey teh! (that rhymed in my head, is it supposed to rhyme? :P) I'm sorry it's taken me AGES to reach here!

And wow, excellent chapter!

Your letters are always so mysterious! It's so troubling how it's a different letter from a different person, and I really don't know where this is going, because your abilities to write so nicely and mysteriously is aggravating! I love it though, so well written. You truly carried her voice you created back in chapter one in the letter, and it's highly interesting that she knows about the Hallows!

I will talk about Grindelwald, but MUST. TALK. ABOUT. ARIANA. I'm one of those stupid people who never really understood what happened during that whole scene with Abby dear telling us what happened to her. I always assumed something around the lines of the boys hitting her or throwing rocks at her because the magic wouldn't work, and so she was scared do it again, but your way made so much more sense, and was immensely heartbreaking. The rubbing of the mud -- that part made me shiver. It was so twisted, and ugh. And Percival's love :( That made me realy sad. Fathers. *flops over* I've been a real brat to my dad the past couple of months, and that part broke my heart, because he was in so much pain, and he loved her, and honestly it was making me cry because I suck and I'm probably hurting my dad as well, and eurgh I'm terrible.

The three women, god that was wicked cool.

I loved and hated everything about her episodes. Those were so chilling. From the Glass Girl, and then what Ariana would be once her episodes finished - limp and broken. That was heartbreaking. And Aberforth and Albus working together was warming, and especially when Aberforth would try to comfort her, but she was already finished on the inside, her sanity and will gone. It was a sad thought.

Grindelwald, gah. He reminds me a lot of young Tom Riddle, charming yet cunning. His entire part with the Headmaster was so well written. His dialogue and just his character -- you give him excellent depth, and it's so sad because in my mind it makes me really emotional to know that Dumbleodre does fall in love with him, and it's almost as heartbreaking as the Tom/Minerva ship and my heart, my heart is failing.

Just. teh, you are amazing. Keep on writing this, because it is absolutely breathtaking. ♥

Author's Response: You are very very VERY close to pronouncing my name. Er, my penname. Add a 'h' sound to the end of of the word, and that's how you say 'teh'. Like 'teyh'! Heyh teyh! lol.

Sorry nothing! THANK YOU for coming back ♥

And it's good that you don't know where the story is going, but it's not good that I don't know either. Well, we'll just have to write and see, eh. I'm glad you like the letters, though! I really do have fun writing them. And can I say that I'm so, so happy that you felt you could connect Bathilda's voice in the letter with the early appearance of her character in the first chapter!?

Ariana's past wasn't the most pleasant of parts to write, ugh. It made me uncomfortable; it was something so drastic and terrifying and I don't usually write these kinds of things. But it seems to have made an impact with some readers, so I'm glad. It was never meant to be easy to read or write.

And I've been a brat to my dad all my life lol. :P *feels guilty*

Albus/Gellert is probs one of my favourite ships ever! I used to read a lot of Tom/Minerva, but not so much anymore. And Grindelwald is going to be a tricky but very exciting character for me to explore!

Thank you for your brilliant review, Nadia! ♥ I won't stop yet, not for awhile! ♥ ♥

teh



 Report Review

Review #18, by CassiePotter A Funeral

29th January 2014:
Hi teh!
I saw this story in the Hufflepuff Common Room and decided to come check it out! I'm so, so glad I did! I absolutely love it!
I love the letter at the beginning of this chapter! It was so thought-provoking and almost uncomfortable, since Albus is being called out on all of his mistakes and broken promises. We're being forced to think about him in a way that's not enjoyable, because he hasn't grown into the good person we have seen when he's older. It's another perspective on what Albus has done with his life, which is really, really interesting to read in first person!
I also loved the conversation between Albus and Bathilda. He really doesn't want to keep talking to her, and I can just picture how tense and awkward that conversation was for him. The lack of grief is also really striking. I was kind of unsettled when you talked about how he smiled when people started arriving at him mother's funeral... The image of that just made me shiver! Haha.
And then we met Ariana! I adored your descriptions of her! The way you talked about how she can feel the magic in her blood was fascinating to read! I can't wait to see more of her!
This story had such an intriguing start, and you've done fantastically with it! I'll definitely be reading more! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: CASSIE! ♥

Ahh, wow, what a lovely surprise review! Thank you, thank you! I'm so glad you decided to give this story a chance! Awww, your comments have reduced me to a melty puddle - I don't know where to start!

Flawed Albus is definitely what I was trying to write. He can't always have been his perfect twinkling self, as depicted in the books, and he does indeed have plenty of weaknesses. I love knocking characters off their pedestals and really examining them in detail. I'm glad you were unsettled, actually! Not that I like scaring you, but because, I did achieve some sort of effect. This story is going to be an unsettling one, at least for me to write. Albus really does follow his mother's teachings, and he places a lot of stock in facades and public appearances, hence his disapproval with Aberforth.

And I'm excited to write more about Ariana as well!

Thank you for the fantastic review, Cassie! ♥ ♥ I'm so glad you enjoyed this and I hope to see you around again! Much love.

teh


 Report Review

Review #19, by CambAngst The Women in the Walls

28th January 2014:
Hi, there! I couldn't resist coming back for chapter 2. It's always such a pleasure to review for someone who's so warm and appreciative!

The letter from Bathilda to Master Thimble was another good scene-setter. I loved how, even back at the end of the 19th century, there were people bemoaning the fascination of the young with progress and newfangled things at the expense of tradition. Nice touch. Bathilda doesn't seem to place all that much stock in the legend surrounding the Hallows, being more of the opinion that the Peverell brothers crafted three exceptionally powerful magical objects with their own talents. I think that's a great way to square the legend with JKR's general preference for magic to be an orderly discipline, free of any sort of divine influence.

Your Gellert is a really awesome character. He's so self-assured and cocky. The small, defiant act of snapping his own wand was such a statement. "I'm not going to beg for your pity or understanding. I don't need your approval to be great." The exchange between Gellert and the Headmaster was brilliantly written.

"I would like to see you exhibit some sincerity for once, Master Grindelwald."

Gellert's eyes lit up at his teacher's irritation. "That is not something I have learned at your school."
-- Ouch. He cuts right to the bone. It was so reminiscent of the letter to Dumbledore that opened the first chapter.

Your description of the old wizard who supplies the black market portkey was really neat. You made it so easy to visualize this very unpleasant-looking old man. Then you follow with the entree to his pursuit of the Elder Wand. The description of the tree was every bit as awesome as the description of the old wizard.

Poor Ariana! The story of her injury was so sad. It's really no wonder that her father chose to exact vengeance on them, no matter the cost. Even when you write about his gift to her from Azkaban, the wooden box, you don't glamorize anything about it which I thought was a great choice. You've made the Dumbledore family perfectly imperfect, if you know what I mean. I absolutely loved the delusion of the three women. That was haunting and fantastically written. The personality you gave them and the descriptions were so good. It was also really, really nice to see the three Dumbledore children in a moment of relative peace, sitting together in Ariana's room. So much is made of the animosity that tore the family apart, but it can't have been like that all the time. Ariana really does love both of her brothers, just in different ways.

Gellert is such a smooth character. He literally drops into this village without shoes on his feet, a wand in his hand or a galleon to his name, but nothing can shake his confidence. By the end of the chapter, he's well on his way.

This has the beginnings of a really great story, and I hope that I can help to motivate you in some small way to give us more!

Author's Response: Hello again, Dan!! And thank you for yet another brilliant review!

Ah, yes, I'll be exploring aspects of the Deathly Hallows myth in this story, and I'm /probably/ going to lean a bit more toward the mythical side of things. I'm not sure about a lot of things in this story, but writing about myth and legend is always going to be fascinating.

And Gellert! I don't think I've ever had so much fun writing a character before! Yes, I'm glad you noticed everything about him: shoeless, wandless, alone and completely unfazed by anything (maybe). He's meant to be quite a charming but strange fellow; there is a darker side to him, but I don't want it to be too visible; I don't think Albus would be interested in a clearly evil character, - I find that things get a little bit dull with such unequivocally villainous characters (e.g. Voldie).

I'm glad you noticed that moment of quiet between the three Dumbledores; it's an uneasy sort of truce between them, but it is a moment of peace. You're the first reviewer to comment on this! And delusional!Ariana just may be about my new favourite thing.

You have /definitely/ motivated me to write more! I'm having a busy few days, but I have started the third chapter, and hopefully I'll get it done by this month! Thank you so, so much, Dan! ♥ You're far too kind, my dear.

teh


 Report Review

Review #20, by CambAngst A Funeral

27th January 2014:
Tagging you from Review Tag!

Ooh, ooh, ooh! Do you know how excited I was to see that you have a new project going on? And such an interesting topic and time period, too! It's always really interesting to see a talented author take the Dumbledore family history apart and try to ferret out all of those interesting little events and relationships that left an old man so world-weary and wise.

I think Grindelwald's letter was a brilliant way to start this off. I absolutely loved that dripping condescension and self-assurance that comes through so strong. That certainty that it was not by lack of skill that he was defeated, but rather by some subconscious desire on his own part. Some need to be vindicated by seeing himself rejoined with his old friend.

I love the way that he tears at Albus's insecurities, laying bare all of the baggage that Albus confessed to him in his younger days. And the idea that the Elder Wand somehow gave its allegiance to Dumbledore before Gellert ever possessed it... wow. I'm really excited to see where you're going with that.

The last dig at Dumbledore was brilliant. A bit of information precisely calculated to hit Albus where it would hurt the worst. It pretty much leaves a 50-50 chance.

Your descriptions of the day of Kendra's funeral were excellent. They set the scene so perfectly for an event as emotionally bewildering as a funeral. Thankfully, I haven't been to that many, but I always remember not having any idea how to feel. I remember how everything seems artificial and disjointed and almost impossible to touch. The weather you created worked so well with that sort of feeling. There's no sun on your face, no breeze, no rain... just an overcast, grey summer day.

I thought you also paced the scene beautifully. It sort of drags along in a way that's perfectly consistent with Albus's mood. He doesn't want to be there. He's dreading all of the fake, formal pleasantries of greeting the other mourners. He just wants the event to be over so that he can go back to grieving over the wreck of the life that he was planning to live. Just as Albus is being held in the moment, you kept the reader held in the moment as old Bathilda engages him in mostly perfunctory conversation. There's only one thing that she might be able to help him understand and her focus sort of drifts away before she can offer him her insight. In the end, he can't even be troubled to try to rekindle the conversation.

It's pretty easy to see the animosity between Albus and Aberforth here. He treats his brother as barely useful.

Ariana was really interesting here. There is a sort of childlike quality to her, but at the same time she might understand more about what's happening around her -- and possibly what's happening to her, as well -- than she lets on. I loved her perspectives on the other members of her family. They fit so well with the canon characterizations as well as they way that you've started to build Kendra Dumbledore up. And the idea that her magic has become almost a painful thing coursing through her veins sounds like a great metaphor for the kind of damage that she's able to cause when it gets beyond her control.

The magic is bitter, scalding; it tunnels deeper into her as though it is a live insidious thing, making its way to her heart. She can feel the strength of it and she is afraid. Her bones are kindling. -- I loved that passage, especially the last sentence.

Albus is so fake and distant toward her. It's really sad.

I saw one little typo in this, which is definitely a testament to the quality of your proof-reading:

She peels the blanket of her. It is much too hot; -- peels the blanket off her

Otherwise, beautiful writing! Excellent work!

Author's Response: Dan! ♥ Oh my goodness, what a review! I'm reading this for the fourth or fifth time, and I'm also resisting the urge to slam my fist down on the table and shout, "Yes that's it!" with some of the incredibly perceptive comments you've made about the story. I'll have to restrain myself, though; it's past midnight and people are asleep.

And I am honestly so flattered that you're excited about my new project!! Gah, THANK YOU. I am still working on this story very enthusiastically, though I've always been a bit of a slow one.

I'm glad you thought Grindelwald's letter was a strong start to the story. Gosh, I had enormous amounts of fun writing his sneeriness and his anger and sulkiness. Grindelwald, I think, is a Dark Lord I enjoy writing more than Voldie.

Your description of a funeral is exactly what I was trying to convey in this opening chapter. Death is a sudden event, a very alien concept to all three of the Dumbledore children; Percival may be long dead, but he died in prison and the children were far too physically removed from him to be able to fully comprehend the nature of death. The funeral is indeed 'emotionally bewildering' (great way to describe it!); there's a great focus on surfaces, on maintaining a kind of public facade (at least for Albus), as well as on things like ritual, order and custom. Everything that Albus cannot feel and cannot really care about, especially in such a difficult moment.

Glad you found Ariana an interesting character here! I have certainly made her a little more lucid than how I've read her in fic, or how she sounds like in DH, but she could also be pretty delusional, I suppose! I'm really enjoying writing her!

Ah, that typo! I spotted it the day after this chapter was validated...and never got down to changing it! :P I suppose I didn't want to go through the hassle of putting the chapter through the queue again etc. But now that you've called me out on that, it's high time I pick myself up and start editing properly!

Thank you so much for your fabulous, wondrous reviews, Dan! ♥ They really mean a lot to me. :)

teh


 Report Review

Review #21, by toomanycurls A Funeral

23rd January 2014:
Hi teh!

I feel like I could read this several times and get a new meaning from it with each iteration. Your use of words is more than powerful and the way you've laid them so elegantly in the story is artistic.

The letter from Gellert to Albus is packed with innuendo and depth that shows both of their brilliance and cunning. The letter shows Gellert's clear contempt for Albus and perhaps a touch of fondness still. I love his taunts and air of superiority throughout his letter. The way Gellert lays out his own feelings of betrayal - that Dumbledore would have egged him on regarding the Hallows then left him to his own devices - struck me quite powerfully. Gellert displays the same facts we know in the books but makes tiny twists to contort information to his own view point. Ending the letter with that post script felt like his death blow. So many times people will save the most damaging injury for last and nothing could have shaken Dumbledore more than to know it could have been his spell that ended his sister.

Albus seems almost disconnected from the funeral and proceedings around his mother's death. I can imagine that it's easier to hold grief at a distance while going through the process of funeral arrangements.

I especially liked his question to Bathilda regarding his mother having lost her edge. It seemed like he wanted to find the reason she was killed in a magical accident caused by his sister when she'd been able to divert and prevent such occurrences for so long.

The slightly darker side to Ariana's care was brilliantly done. Having her mostly subdued with potions felt a bit more sinister than I expected. I'm dying to know what the time Bathilda recalls then balks from telling the entire story.

Ariana's brief section is incredible. I love how perceptive you've made her to the care she receives. The frustration, gentileness, and dutiful care - depending on the giver - seemed to be a cornerstone for her life. Oh it's heartbreaking to have Albus so sharp with Ariana regarding Kendra's death. It's terribly sad when Ariana realizes if her mother is gone, it's her fault.

You've made such a powerful story here! I look forward to reading more of this.

-Rose

Author's Response: Hellooo Rose!! :D

asldkjcif THANK YOU for this amazing review! I'm a bit floored at your wonderful compliments; thank you for agreeing to do a swap with me and for leaving such a thoughtful review!

Lovely analysis on Gellert's letter to Albus! I really enjoyed reading your thoughts about that; you've pretty much hit everything on the spot. Gellert is bitter and manipulative and contemptuous and yes, there is a touch of fondness in his writing; I'm glad you picked that up! There is a lot of familiarity between the two; they have such a complicated and intricate history together.

As for Albus, I'm going for a less perfect version of him. I imagine that he can't always be his wonderful, brilliant self (as he is in the books), and I'm quite eager to explore his possible flaws and shortcomings.

Ariana is one of my favourite characters to write. In DH, Ariana is one of the most glossed-over characters (hardly surprising, as she's long dead). Still, her role in the books, or at least in Dumbledore's past, is crucial, and her condition and eventual death really changed a lot about Albus, veered his life off to a completely different direction. It's sad that she isn't so well-explored in the final book, but not that sad, because yaya! I can write my own twisted version of her. And I'm enjoying meself greatly. :P

Thank you for this brilliant review! ♥ This has absolutely made my night!!

-teh


 Report Review

Review #22, by marinahill A Funeral

23rd January 2014:
Here for our review swap :)

I cannot express enough how much I LOVE stories about the Dumbledores. I remember reading about their back stories in Deathly Hallows and I got a chill then and I was quite surprised to get a similar sort of chill just now.

The letter between Albus and Gellert - from a future time, if I'm correct? It's very telling about their relationship at that time, of things that are yet to come for Albus. Gellert, even then, shows this strong manipulative power over Albus. It's like he knows exactly what buttons to press and when. Interesting indeed.

The visit to Madam Bagshot was also very revealing. The way she describes Kendra... so true to her representation in the books. Of course she wouldn't have made friends if she wouldn't let anyone in. I imagine it makes it very difficult for both Albus and Aberforth to not really have anyone to really talk to about her.

Ariana seems incredibly powerful already. How simply she just decides to not take the medicine and that's that... Remarkable really. I already get a sense for this unpredictable and powerful young girl who hasn't quite grasped the reality of her surroundings and doesn't fully comprehend that her mother is gone.

I really love this, teh! An amazing first chapter with some truly remarkable characters.

Marina

Author's Response: Hiya Marina!

Gah, what an absolutely lovely review! Thank you! :D I love stories about the Dumbledores as well, and I'm blown away that my story affected you in such a way. I suppose I must be doing something right with this. :P

The letter is indeed from the future - many years after the events of the summer of 1899. I am beyond excited to explore the power dynamics between the two; Gellert is indeed rather bitter and manipulative in that letter. Ah well, he did just lose a major duel after all, and has been pretty much consigned to the prison of his own making for the rest of his life.

I loved scouring DH for little telling details about the Dumbledores and other characters surrounding them, and I love expanding on these tidbits of information even more! I'm glad you like the glimpses of Kendra! Sadly, she won't play too big a role in this story, seeing as she's already dead.

Thank you so so much for your fab review, Marina! This was absolutely lovely to receive !! ♥

-teh


 Report Review

Review #23, by patronus_charm The Women in the Walls

22nd January 2014:
Aw, hugs to teh! Iím suffering from a terrible cold right now, so I feel your pain! But even though I already said this your banner is just ♥. It matches the story perfectly if that makes sense :P

The letter at the beginning was just great! The language was so time appropriate which was a really great touch because I could see the care you had put into it. Then the historical context you supplied with the brief hints at the industrial revolutions and the towns creeping in was just great and so enjoyable to read. Bathilda was so knowledgeable about the Hallows and all of the sources which talk about them which was such a great nod to her life as a historian. It was just great really!

AH! ITíS GRINDELWALD. MUST CALM SELF DOWN. Iíve always had a strange soft spot for him, and he was just perfect here! I loved how we got to witness him at Durmstrang and him being expelled. It was a rather strange moment in his life with the way heís rebelled enough to get expelled but is still under a certain amount of influence as seen by him snapping his wand. I really liked that dynamic and it just differed so much from Voldemortís experience at school where he did everything to seem like the perfect student whereas Grindelwald was the reverse. This line ĎGellert does not forget people. Ď was really great as it showed the dark side to him and possible need for vengeance.

You showed another key canon moment! Gah, I love you for doing this teh it just makes it all the more real! I really felt for Ariana in that moment, the way those boys kept on terrorising and demanding more and more from her. It really broke my heart to read the bit where they were rubbing mud on her, it was just horrible. I thought you caught her mind-set perfectly of a little girl who just wants to be accepted and left alone, and it made me want to hug her and cheer her up so badly!

The way you wrote Arianaís descent into madness was really great. She was such a sweet girl the way she was just sitting there and drawing and being young and happy. I really did feel for Albus too because I could see he was trying really hard to be patient with her, and I liked that aspect of him because it sort of forewarned how he wasnít a natural for this job and why he would turn to Gellert in the end. Then there was Aberforth just being a babe really. Heís such an underrated character that I liked he got a small chance to shine here by being Arianaís saviour.

The ending was really great because it means that Gellert is in Godricís Hollow meaning he could meet Albus soon meaning I will squee a lot from excitement. Gah, I just love this story so much, itís seriously one of the best ones Iíve read on here in HPFF, and I havenít felt so excited for a story update in a while :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hugs to you too! ♥ Hope you banish that nasty cold as soon as. AND THAT BANNER. YES. I love it and I cannot stop capslocking EVERYTHING whenever I look at it. Eagh.

I'm glad you like the letter; wow, that was difficult to write. :P I flailed a bit at your "time appropriate" comment; my general attitude toward my writing is 'don't make it /too/ contemporary or anachronistic'. So your comment is like a whole bucket or relief to me.

GELLERT GRINDELWALD. YES HIM. Finally, I get to write a Dark Lord, and a smiling one, too! The part where he snaps his wand is just him being all dramatic, but he also does want to leave on his own terms; he's quite insolent, actually. :P I think I'll have a bit of fun with Gellert in this story!

And Ariana's incident :( :( I had to include that canon moment; I really didn't enjoy writing that part - it was kind of painful, actually. Also, I just realised there's a huge glaring canon error that I forgot to fix with that scene; if I'm not mistaken, in DH, Aberforth says that Ariana was attacked by three Muggle boys, and I somehow forgot to include the third one, though I'd been meaning to. *hides* CANON FAIL #1.

Gellert is in Godric's Hollow? THAT MEANS GRINDELDORE ♥

Your comments were absolutely fabulous, Kiana! Thank you! It's so wonderful to see that you're enjoying the story, and I'll do my best to get the third chapter written as soon as! ♥ ♥

teeh


 Report Review

Review #24, by Lululuna The Women in the Walls

22nd January 2014:
Hi teh! :) Here for your 3rd of 5 prize reviews.

This was a fantastic chapter! I really love how you're expanding on the few clues we have from DH and really creating a world and these fascinating characters. I like the way you write Gellert - he's very chilling and calculated, and he reminds me a little of Voldy as well when he was young.

I like the idea of Bathilda knowing about the Hallows - it's interesting to think how she might have been intruiged by the legends and more mystical secrets of the wizarding world while still being by all accounts a very detailed and factual historian. I also love the voice you used in the letter - how she seems so vivacious and eloquent, and how she was scoffing at the idea of the muggle cities. It's a really cool idea to begin each chapter with a letter - this really establishes the story as being pieced together from the past.

A bead of blood trickled across his front teeth, staining them scarlet, and out the corner of his lips, crawling up his cheek and toward his eye, a tear going the wrong way. I really liked this line, and how visual it was in a grotesque way. Poor Avarin! It was also so interesting how all signs pointed to Gellert- I like the idea of his getting away with these dark goings-on until one day it snaps.

I thought Gellert's fascination with wands - symbols of strength and power in wizard terms - was very interesting. I was quite worried for the man whose wand he considered stealing, and his ruthless interior contrasted with his charismatic exterior is quite terrifying.

The story of how Ariana was tortured was just heartbreaking. I thought it was quite creative (and horrible) how they shoved her into the fire that she had desperately created, because witches are supposed to burn. It was so tragic and cruel, while still showing how some people might have feared magic at that point in time. Poor Ariana. :(

Percival working to make the box for Ariana in prison was truly heartbreaking. It showed how desperate and sad the end of his life was, and how much he loved the daughter for whom he sacrificed his freedom for. However, I do think it was a little foolhardy to go after the Muggle boys - they were just children (albeit awful ones) and by throwing away his freedom he wasn't there for his family anymore and that's rather worse in the long run. So I have mixed feelings about him. But I did love the box. :)

I loved the three women who follow her around and speak with her, and especially the name "Glass Girl." There's something very fragile and beautiful about it, and I imagined the Glass Girl as sort of an embodiment or projection of Ariana herself. The Glass Girl crying out during Ariana's fit and Ariana's sharp dislike of her seemed to indicate a sort of personal identity and link between the two of them, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of how the three women develop in telling the story. :)

It's interesting to see how articulate Ariana is as well. It almost makes her even more relatable and shows how her mind has been so catastrophically disturbed and damaged, beyond her control. I felt especially sad for her when she apologized to her brothers: even though Albus reassured her, there's sure to be some resentment and grudging resignation in his responsibility to her, and I think she knows that.

Haha, I also liked how Bathilda thought of her nephew as "Gellert-Giftbearer." He really seems so smooth and irresistible, making him all the more ominous.

This was a great chapter, I loved it! :) Looking forward to the next one! :D

Author's Response: Wow, Jenna, did I ever mention that you're like the best reviewer ever!?! Because gaah! Thank you for this amazing and very quick review on my new chapter ♥

I'm glad you like the idea of starting each chapter with a letter; that being said, I'm now officially struggling to keep up with the rigid structure of this story eep.

Gellert is indeed a strange one to write, and I must say I do enjoy trying to imagine him and pinning him in words. I suppose he is indeed a bit like Voldie, but perhaps a happier Dark Lord - or at least, one who smiles a bit more?

I did like the box, too! ^.^ It's one of the details that just came to me as I was writing; I thought it would be interesting to mention Percival in the chapter. He won't be mentioned very often in this story, though at this point, it's hard for me to say just exactly how the thing is going to turn out.

The three women were originally meant to be three men *cough the Peverell brothers cough*, but that made things sound a bit forced, so I dropped them from the fic and decided to work on a different idea. I'm quite excited to expand more on these ideas! And yes, Ariana is both quite lucid and demented at the same time.

Thank you for yet another amazing review, Jenna! This has absolutely made my day ♥ It's going to take me awhile to post up the third chapter seeing as I'm a terribly slow writer, but I'll get there, I think. Eventually. :) Thanks again!

teh


 Report Review

Review #25, by AlexFan A Funeral

19th January 2014:
I seem to be reading quite a few stories about the Dumbledore family these days.

The writing in this was so beautiful but at the same time it was so sad. Everything flowed so well and it sucked me into the story. The writing in this was almost poetic. I love how you started out with a letter from Grindelwald. I was actually wondering who had written the letter because it sounded a lot like something that Albus would've written to Grindelwald.

I think Grindelwald changed from the person that he was when he was younger, all of those years spent in his prison cells must've changed something in him. The fact that he admitted in his letter that it wasn't Aberforth who killed Ariana convinces me even more that Gellert Grindelwald changed a little bit.

I liked your portrayal of Dumbeldore as a teenager as well. You showed how he must've been when he was younger. The impatience that he had with people, the way that he treated his brother is very different from the Albus Dumbledore that we've all known and loved. Your version of Albus seems almost cold, cut off from everyone else in his life. It's almost like he doesn't want to become close with anyone that he met.

I also enjoyed how you showed the family dynamic. You made it very clear that although Albus, Aberforth, Kendra and Ariana were related, they were by no means close to one another. They cared for each other but they weren't close. My favourite character has to be Kendra. I always got the impression that she was a strict, no-nonsense sort of woman, and you showed that, but I love how you also showed that she cared for her daughter. Kendra wasn't hiding her daughter because she was ashamed of her, she was hiding her from the world because she didn't want anymore harm to come to her or anyone else.

The Dumbledore family is definitely an interesting part of the Potterverse that isn't written a whole lot about and you're definitely off to an interesting start with the story.

Author's Response: Hello Grace! :)

Thanks for such a lovely review! I know there are a few Dumbledore family stories circulating out there, and hopefully you weren't tired of them by the time you got to this story. :P Thanks for your wonderful comments on my writing; it's most interesting that you think that the letter sounds like something that Albus would have written to Gellert. I suppose it might have something to do with the sense of betrayal within the letter.

I do agree with your statement that Grindelwald would have changed over the years he spent in prison. The letter is dated 1945, though, so I think he was only a few months in his own cell after his defeat by Dumbledore...so...possibly something else is happening? Something else that changed him? Hmmm.

I was trying to portray Albus as a more flawed version of his perfect old self, twinkling at everyone, giving ludicrous bits of advice but being a bit of a genius all the same...Albus here has more discernible faults, and I think I'm really enjoying writing him the way he is.

I'm glad you like the family dynamic of this! You're right, not all of them are close to each other; they're stuck with each other because of circumstances, but there's plenty of conflict between them, grudges, resentment, bitterness. Ah, I love exploring families sometimes. Hopefully I'll be able to develop Kendra's character a little more as the story unfolds.

Thank you so much for this lovely review! You've made some really thoughtful comments, and I really do appreciate them; they've certainly made me think about some things in the story.

-teh


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>