Reading Reviews for Rabbit Heart
245 Reviews Found

Review #1, by StarFeather 11. Hearts Enthralled

31st August 2015:
#Last Spurt @ Review NaNo 2/ 21

Hi, Pix! I came back to your Wren and Albus.
It’s interesting to read your story about vampire. The first part was written from Nate’s POV and I found this character was getting important in your story. Will he feel jealous about the relationship between Wren and Albus?

The scene when Albus helped Wren with setting her down on the ground in the library reminded me of the same situation on TV. The man and the woman of the drama became a married couple later. I like this heartwarming scene of the young couple.

So the ingredient of the tea saved her from dark magic Dillon cast through the bunny. I wish she’ll find the way to solve the problem trapped by Dillon quickly.

But you set more before she found out what Dillon was up to. The tea Madam Pince gave Wren must be brewed under the instruction of Dillon. Besides Mr. Summers drank it, which might do some troubles later. I wonder whether Albus drank the tea as well. I reckon he was smarter enough not to. He must have feigned.

I think the fact that James got the map will cause a good effect later. The episode Wren put on Thrall of Drakull indicates something important will happen. I’ll keep reading the next! :) Thank you for brownies.


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Review #2, by KJ Cartmell 2. Trusting Hearts

30th August 2015:
Interesting start, Pix! I very much like Wren - her photography hobby, her love interest, her concern for animals. The mysterious Dillon was a good addition, to deepen the mystery.

My personal intuition was that Neville was gay. I have a scene planned for him in an upcoming novel. I'm really looking forward to it, but it won't be for a while. It's strange to see him married to someone named Hannah. The Hufflepuff, Hannah Abbott, perhaps?

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Review #3, by StarFeather 10. Losing Heart

29th August 2015:
Hi, Pix. I'm writing this review from my phone. I thought of reading your story before one more gig.

From this chapter, story got more interesting and thrilling. Top 3: 1. Is Dillon a Dark wizard or not? Who Is the old wizard at Hogwarts? Only I can think of is Dumbledore, but he is dead when Wren and Albus go there. Why did his mother get sick? What's the blood mystery?
2. Wren went back to herself, not effected by the rabbit. I think the tea the bar man gave her prevented Dillon from penetrating her mind.
3. Poor Madam Pince. She tore one of her beloved cookery tomes for the rabbit Albus had.

I enjoyed the Charm class scene, too. Albus is surely a son of Harry and Ginny.

Your rabbit story got magically fun to read. I felt like when I read Harry Potter books reading this chapter.


Author's Response:

Hi Kenny. I hope your gig went well. We should talk music sometime. That would be fun.

All the questions! Hopefully, you are asking them with a burning curiosity and not because you're frustrated with the story. :)

Albus is indeed Harry and Ginny's son. He's the middle child too, which also factors into his personality.

Aww, thanks for such a wonderful compliment. I try to include magical things, because you know, Magical School.

Thanks for reading more of my story!


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Review #4, by CambAngst 30. Into the Heart

29th August 2015:
Good morning, Pix! We've come to the second-to-last chapter. I'm really going to miss Wren and Albus when this is over. Just sayin' Ŏ‿Ŏ

GryCReMo (Review #40) {{-- Yay! 40!}}

Anyway, good to see that poor Minnie is still alive and kicking. She's obvious not lost much of her mind, because her first concern is still for the students. She even manages to spare a thought or two for poor, lost Dillon. Overall, you did a good job keeping her character consistent.

Stuffing their coats full of weapons. A couple of thoughts popped into my head. The first was Neo opening his coat after stepping through the metal detector in The Matrix. Something about that scene is way too polished and modern, however. Black leather and machine pistols just don't fit with Smeed and Burns filling their pockets with daggers, short swords and machetes. This is going to be a throw-down, 1700's-style. Well, except for the flame thrower...

Uncle Toby is such a calming influence on the process. Good guy to have around when tensions are running high.

Dillon has crossed the line into full-on "get me the heck away from this kid" megalomaniacal creepiness. His version of "friendship" and "sharing" have evolved into being exactly the way Wren described him: endlessly needy. I can only imagine why he needs the mingled blood of so many witches and wizards, and what I'm imagining isn't good. On the plus side, it seems like Madam Pince is on her last legs...

Burns fixed the group with a cold stare, holding the limp creature up for all to see. "That’s how it’s done. Any questions?" -- This line capped of a great scene. Scorpius thought that he was bad for having kicked one in the head. Burns showed him up with a quickness.

Dillon looked like a little prince of the library overseeing his kingdom. He was perched on a chair set on top of Pince’s circulation desk with a mob of restless thralls around him. -- Any chance you were thinking of the ill-fated King Joffrey here? That's how I see Dillon at the moment. He doesn't know enough to know what's in store.

Scorpius threw up his wand and hurled a red flash at the thralls. Ian caught his stunner square on the forehead and went down hard. -- I approve. Heartily. That said, it doesn't seem like Dillon and his thrawls have much of a plan here. They're sort of randomly throwing spells around, not accomplishing much other than trashing the room. I guess that makes sense for a blood-drunk little boy who only understands magic as a sort of abstract ideal rather than a practical tool.

Wow. The monster mutant rabbit emerging from the Restricted Section was a bigger deal than I expected, and I expected a pretty big deal. In my mind, the scene reminds me a little of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man attacking New York. If it's impervious to curses, James has the right idea, I think.

“Suffer, maybe die. You get in my way again and your fate will be more certain,” Smeed threatened before jumping from the column, another weapon in his hand. -- OK, it just got real.

I think you need to do a little work on the confrontation between Wren and Dillon. The part that wasn't completely clear to me was when he forced her to come to him. I think you need to make it more clear that she moves from wherever she was standing to be within arm's length of Dillon, because it took me a few passes to realize what had happened there. Other than that, I loved it! Wren has spent nearly all of the story doubting herself. Was she weak for letting her Gran's illness affect her. Was she losing her mind? Was she becoming a squib? In this one scene, she casts aside all of the fear and doubt and strikes a critical blow against Dillon. Bravo, Wren! Bravo!

When Wren realized that Bunny was truly lost, she gave Albus the means to kill him. I really liked the symbolism in that moment.

Dillon's final tantrum was pretty much perfect. In the final analysis, he's just a little boy, lost and alone and sad. Also angry. So very angry. And it was his undoing. His own minions turned on him. The line about tiny teeth scraping on bone was a fitting end.

Oh, no! What's happening to Wren now? I have to imagine that Smeed can help her, but no matter what, I loved her final line of the chapter. Beautifully done!

So now I wait. Eagerly, I wait. Wonderful job!

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Review #5, by CambAngst 29. Secrets of the Heart

28th August 2015:
More, more, more!

GryCReMo (Review #39)

It's kind of miraculous that Wren managed to keep her thing for Albus away from Rose for this long. Maybe it's because she couldn't admit it even to herself. Maybe Rose isn't all that tuned in to matters of romance. Callie obviously is. All that said, I liked the way that Rose reacted. There was a release of tension there. She wasn't making light of Wren's feelings, only of the fact that it took them all so long to come to an understanding.

More… he’d probably have to get his pants adjusted again before Winter Break, maybe even before Halloween, which was only a week away. -- So impractical! That would obviously offend Wren's sensibilities. ;)

So while Rose and Callie are laughing some sense into Wren, James smacks some sense into Albus. Figuratively, of course, but in a typical brotherly fashion. Good on you, James.

Aww, he doesn't think she's crazy and she gives him some credit for being able to help. It's a start.

Sharing a rabbit. It's sort of like when couples decide it's serious enough to get a dog together, except for teenagers in a vampire-enthralled castle.

One thing confused me a little. Albus seems to just know how "personal" the thrall bond is and I'm not sure how. Observing Wren and McGonagall was really no different from observing the Prefects. I wasn't completely sure why it was suddenly such an epiphany.

Ah, so the full-blooded vampires don't appear on the Marauder's Map. Interesting. I wonder what that makes Dillon? Some sort of hybrid with an unfocused soul?

Oh, wow. There's a cliffhanger for you. It doesn't seem like Smeed killed McGonagall, but he wasn't very kind to her, either. What on earth will happen next? Tune in next time...

So close to the end! I'm excited, but also exhausted. I think I'll do the last one in the morning!

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Review #6, by CambAngst 28. Reflections of the Heart

28th August 2015:
Moving along, moving along...

GryCReMo (Review #38)

Whew! At least Neville still has his wits about him. As long as Wren and Albus have Neville on their side, I think there's a good chance that things will work out alright.

Leaning back in his chair, he noted that Pince still had that wild glint in her eye, staring greedily at the mass of children like they were a tasty meal. -- Would it be entirely too much trouble for you to kill her off at the end of the story? Never liked that one. Pretty please?

Funny that the Ravenclaws are the ones who are cheering for Dillon loudest. Perhaps they're a bit too brainy for their own good.

Neville mentally kicked himself for not doing more than just passing along the information to the headmistress. -- I'm also mentally kicking him. Sheesh!

Even the Sorting Hat doesn't want anything to do with Dillon. The hat knows what time it is.

Scorpius squeezed himself in front of her. "What?" he snapped, affronted at their tight lipped faces. "She's clean. I checked."

"I bet you did," muttered Rose.
-- Brilliant! No scene is ever too tense for a little smutty humor.

Ha! Did you empty all of your unused (and gently used) British slang into a single passage of Scorpius's dialog?

So one thing is bugging me about this chapter. I think Neville seems far too OK with the idea of Wren continuing to be in harm's way. I know he's probably not as over-protective a parent as Molly Weasley -- who is, really? -- but still the idea of sending her off to the enthralled Headmistress's office seemed like a bit much. I'm still sort of surprised that nobody is trying to contact the Ministry or the Aurors. Granted, I know that would never work with the plot, but it seems like somebody should at least think about the possibility of contacting Harry.

Aww.. Rose and Scorpius are having a moment. Now's certainly not a bad time, since they could both be captured and enthralled before they get another chance. And it all started with talking about Wren and Albus's non-relationship. Now that Rose is clued in, I'd say it's only a matter of time. Neither Albus nor Wren is going to have any peace from her until they stop being so stubborn.

“A polarity-charmed banana,” she said softly, and the door slid open. -- Sometimes the simplest answer is also the correct one. ;)

Oh, boy. You are going to kill of Sloan, right? Seriously, this guy is nothing but bad news whenever he pops up. Now he's telling Dillon everything he needs to know to turn into some sort of over-powered psycho vampire. Maybe the giant, freaking rabbit from the Library could step on him or something? Please?

You're doing an awesome job driving your plot toward the big finale! At least I assume that's what's coming. I have to go find out...

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Review #7, by CambAngst 27. Racing Hearts

28th August 2015:
Hello, again, Pix. Not wanting to give you wrinkles, but alas I do need to maintain some sort of pace here.

GryCReMo (Review #37)

So Albus in the Prefect's meeting... um, remind me why he thought this was a good idea again? He's nearly as crazy as his father, always needing to run right into the middle of dangerous situations just so he knows what's going on. I'll tell you what's going on, Albus: people are getting sucked dry and enthralled. Wouldn't you be better off finding Wren and a nice, quiet, safe place to talk instead?

Oh, man! The shoe phone scene was a riot to imagine. Here he is, surrounded by vampire thrawls, talking to Scorpius on his shoe. I'm adding Maxwell Smart to that list with Elmer Fudd and Vito Corleone on it. I can picture poor Albus, trying to play it cool.

Now he felt incredibly stupid. Yeah, of course he’d thought he was going to get away with walking into a room full of people who could read each other’s minds. -- Well, when you put it like that...

The conversation between Albus and James felt like it was missing something. For me, at least, I expected it to be harder for Albus to convince James of what was happening. I think the scene would have played better if the Prefects on the map were doing something more sinister. Either that, or play up what was going on in the Hospital Wing more. Just something other than Albus's word to make James realize that something very bad was happening in the castle.

Wren and Callie are certainly brave. They march right into the belly of the beast to retrieve Rose. Your descriptions of the Hospital Wing were pretty gruesome and creepy. Not a place I'd want to be.

I really liked the scene where they had to fight their way out of the Hospital Wing. Maybe "fight" isn't quite the right word, but it was no mean feat getting out of there, either. Poor Wren couldn't save everyone, but she has a pretty good group to work with now.

Oh, my. Dillon's coming in, isn't he? That can't be good.

Need to keep going. Story is so good now...

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Review #8, by StarFeather 9. Stone Hearted

27th August 2015:
Hi, Pix.
I thought of coming back here, I wanted to meet your Wren and Albus.

It’s sad and severe reality to realize human beings are mortal. You expressed about it in a gentle tone and narratively putting the family history of Longbottom. I like the scene where Albus tried to make Wren laugh very much. If Wren becomes like Alice, he’ll surely come for her every day.
You also described Wren’s rebellious age. The complicated feeling and conflict between what is right and wrong are very understandable. You exposed the theme how we should face the possibility to fight the intractable disease (the fatal curse in HP world).

Then the new barman entered. He’s really mysterious. Can he do Legilimens? Will he help Wren with facing the truth around the weird rabbit and Dillon? It’s very intriguing.
I’ll be back again soon.


Author's Response:

Hi Kenny.

Wren and Albus are glad to meet you too. They say hello, and thanks for reading.

It's hard to grasp, this thing called life, when you're young and everything is still in front of you. There's this sense of living forever that isn't true, but it prevents you from seeing the whole cycle of things until something bad happens.

Wren's got a lot going on in her head, but then what teenager doesn't? It's the age, I suppose.

I'm glad you're intrigued by the barman. He's one of my favorite characters.

Thanks for coming back!


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Review #9, by CambAngst 26. Straight Through the Heart

27th August 2015:
Hey, Pix! You definitely picked a good chapter title for this one. Blows to the feels happening all over the place.

GryCReMo (Review #35)

Oh, Wren. I'm not sure this is going to turn out to be a good choice she's made in the long run. I'm really curious, however, as to what happened to Bunny that came so close to killing him. Did he have a bad encounter with some of the other demon rabbits? Was it the separation from Wren? It didn't seem like that had bothered him so much up to this point. Was he simply starving to death from lack of blood? Inquiring minds want to know.

Ah, the Smeed and Burns story comes complete. And also neatly ties into Dillon's story. Wow, so Smeed and Augusta were a thing at some point? Crazy! I hope we hear more about that one later on. There are a lot of things happening here that I wouldn't have guessed, but that's the point of a Big Reveal. Dillon was a victim of a magic-drunk vampire, from the sound of things. His mother must have realized this, so if I'm reading between the lines correctly, she allowed Dillon to feed in order to save him from death. A very motherly thing to do, if not exactly a smart one. And perhaps she had no idea what Dillon could become. Ah, Uncle Toby has joined the party! One small observation: one of his names changed from "Travers" to "Trevor" between the last chapter and this one.

As I recall, you fell for the proper burial line from the grieving mother. -- Yeah, we've all fallen for that one at some point in our youth. ;)

He moved aside a chair full of rubble and swept half a century of dust off of the writing desk. -- Here's one more small thing I love about your writing style. Letting us know that Dillon has been a vampire for fifty years without somebody coming out and saying that he's been a vampire for fifty years. Bravo!

It's a good thing the vampire thrawls are sort of slow and clumsy, otherwise Albus and Scorpius would have been in even bigger trouble.

I've read through the last scene with Albus and Wren twice now. Something is still bugging me about it. I think it's that I'm having a hard time following the progression of Albus's feelings to the angry, disappointed place where he ends up. There's something -- ugh, is "disjointed" the word I'm looking for? -- about it. It just seemed to me that he was too quick to jump to the conclusion that there was something nefarious going on with Wren, or that her appearance was a sign of some personal failing on her part. My suggestion would be to mix up his feelings more. Let him be confused by the fact that he feels this repulsion toward her and let that confusion be a big part of his reaction.

Otherwise, another awesome chapter! I feel us barreling toward the conclusion!

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Review #10, by CambAngst 25. Beating Hearts

26th August 2015:
Hi, Pix! It's me again, your suddenly motivated former beta reader turned serial reviewer.

GryCReMo (Review #34)

I really like how casual Nate and his uncle are about the whole vampire thing. I suppose it's no more casual than wizards are about the wizard thing or goblins are about the goblin thing, but the point is that the just take it all in stride. Apart from a few misunderstandings, there's nothing overly mysterious or menacing about Uncle Toby. And I love the name, for reasons we've already discussed elsewhere.

For his part, Nate kept really true to form. He feels badly for exposing his uncle to someone who might be prejudiced against vampires. Again, it's mostly a misunderstanding but it shows where all of the philosophical talk about vampire rights was coming from.

She took one of the sealed bottles of water and clutched it in her lap. There was no need to die dehydrated... -- That's my girl! Practical, to the last.

“I fell in love. Like you, Wren. And at about your age too. I was lucky enough to land a dream job at The Times, taking photographs of famous people, and we were never apart. Oh, she was a big, bony thing, all smoke and leggy tripods everywhere, not like the compact contraptions you use today.” -- Slow clap. This was completely brilliant. It took me two or three reads to figure out what he was talking about, and then it was brilliant.

Uncle Toby is pretty awesome. That line about looking forward to the children's birthdays brought it home beautifully.

“Smeed? Good man, he is.” Nate’s uncle looked her up and down. “I’d thought he had outgrown his tastes for a young thing such as yourself by now.” -- Ha! Yeah, that one made me laugh out loud. I guess it's a small world when you're undead.

Hmmnn... The line about what might happen to Dillon started me thinking. It seems fairly clear that the Vampire Council isn't simply going to leave him be. I know it's not the best analogy, but I'm thinking of how bears who've learned to attack humans have to be "dealt with". Not a pretty picture. Especially since we know that Dillon's motivations are basically innocent, if misguided.

Oh, boy. Nate is a thrill-seeker. If only he knew the kinds of "thrills" that Hogwarts students have stumbled upon in the past without even needing to seek them out. Perhaps he'd be less enthusiastic.

Albus is frustratingly thick. Or perhaps it's just that he can't focus on more than one thing at a time. Dealing with James or dealing with Wren. At the moment, he needs to be doing less of the former and more of the latter.

“You’re going to talk to her? As in, have a conversation, with words? What was in your juice this morning?” -- It's the new thing, Albus. Even Scorpius is doing it. You might want to give it a try, you ignoramus.

Well, there goes McGonagall's plan for dealing with Demon Bunny Zero. And it went so badly that Ackerly has gone from being the solution to being part of the problem. When will people at Hogwarts learn to stop trusting the creepy librarian?

Interesting. So it seems like Albus's rabbit got drunk on wizard blood and went rogue. Maybe Dillon will yet be part of the solution here and not just the problem. I have the strangest feeling as though Dillon's role in this story will evolve some more before it's over.

Great job! I shall return!

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Review #11, by RavenclawFTW 30. Into the Heart

25th August 2015:
I won't throw anything at you except sadness and confusion and an intense need to know how it's all going to end!! Ahh.

I honestly don't have much constructive to say-- this was a suitably dramatic and slightly ridiculous (just because of the subject matter) climax with everybody fighting off vampire bunnies in the Library. I like how Wren is responding to Al's "forgiveness"-- she hasn't lost her sense of independence and right/wrong just because she has a crush! Also, I know they're evil and terrible but it's so sad to be picturing these teenagers killing bunnies! :( But it must be done, I know.

Okay I really don't know what else to say-- this was a great chapter and super exciting but THAT ENDING IS KILLING ME
I will be waiting for the next (and final!!) chapter with bated breath!!


Author's Response:


You read my penultimate chapter! This is... this is fantastic!! I have been waiting AGES to have this thing posted, and HERE IT IS!

*bubbling with excitement*

I'm not sure how coherent I'm going to be here. I'm so relieved that you found it suitably dramatic, because that's what I needed. And yeah, the slight ridiculousness was also unavoidable, but only if you think about it too hard and really say the word "vampire rabbit" to yourself so much that it starts sounding ridiculous... alright, I see where you're coming from here. Unavoidable. :P

Yes, absolutely, Wren has retained her sense of independence. That was an important element for me in this story. That, and the blood. but hey, they're teenagers like you said. They will go for just about anything at this point.

Just as long as no one's getting Lord of the Flies flashbacks, we're good. Right?

Thanks for being the first to review this chapter. The last chapter will be up in a bit. I'm just waiting on one more beta response before I post.


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Review #12, by CambAngst 24. Guilty Hearts

25th August 2015:
Hi, Pix! Poor Wren! Every time she turns around, something in this story is leaving her head spinning. Although I suppose the vampire rabbit apocalypse is worthy of a little head-spinning.

GryCReMo (Review #31)

Hannah hadn’t batted an eye when she replied, “I trust Gran, and so does your father. Do as the man says.” -- This line instantly made me think of Harry explaining himself to Aberforth just before the Battle of Hogwarts.

”I’m hunting a rabbit,” he said with a completely straight face. “I swear on my grandfather’s balding hairline, Wren. You better get that blinkin’ thing locked up in the Gryffindor Tower. Because if I find it first, it’s dead.” -- Love this! It’s a little bit Elmer Fudd and a little bit Vito Corleone and a lot of Pix. Try to find that in any other novel on the site!

I’m sort of hoping that Wren’s mindset was coloring her perception of McGonagall’s reaction. Otherwise, Minnie is displaying a Dumbledore-esqe level of, “Eh. I’m things will work out alright.”

OK, I realize there are Very Important Plot Reasons why you needed Wren to go to Hogsmeade, but honestly Scorpius and Callie’s reasoning makes a lot of sense. It’s not like Wren can sneak up on Bunny. Granted, it probably isn’t possible for anyone to sneak up on any of the vampire rabbits. I mean, no matter what else they are, they’re rabbits. Small, herbivorous prey animals whose only chance for survival is to never be caught unaware. But Scorpius and Callie obviously aren’t thinking so clearly.

“second-degree thralls” I love Scorpius in this story.

God, James is such a jerk. Remember how his namesake was a total jerk for five years and then changed? James Sirius is like a mirror image.

“If he’s such a good friend, then treat him like one. He deserves your honesty, right?” -- Nate, the Voice of Reason.

Ooh! So there are other vampires around. And Nate is related to one. No wonder he had such well-formed opinions for their history essays.

I’m gonna get there. Probably not tonight, but soon! I saw your status about the penultimate chapter and I was very excited. Til next review!

Author's Response:

Okay, so I tried really hard to let the adults in this story actually act responsible and not look like idiots, but here's the thing. If the adults fix all the problems in the story, then what exactly am I writing about??? Big quandry. I tried. I really really didn't want to have Neville look like a buffoon. I respect him too much.

I just HAD to put the "hunting rabbits" line in this story somewhere. It was on my mental list (didn't make the written list because it was just so off the wall) and I'm so pleased that Scorpius was the one to pull it off. I mean, come on, when ever do we get the chance to say something like that in context and have it mean exactly what we're saying? Unless we're writing actual hunting stories or something, which I'm not. That reminds me. What exactly was Seamus hunting in that lost draft of ours?

Again with the not-trying-to-make-adults-look-like-idiots, and flailing. This is hard.

I am so relieved to hear you say that you thought there were reasonable reasons for Wren to go to Hogsmeade. Yes, plot. But it can't be "because the author says so". Good point about the rabbits. Also good thing that Callie and Scorpius don't realize that.

I love Scorpius too, but only behind his back. I don't want his ego to get any bigger. I love Nate and his 'well-formed opinions' as well. I am so glad he worked out in this story. I had high hopes for him.

Oh, look at the chapter numbers. Where has the time gone?


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Review #13, by StarFeather 8. Hearts and Spades

24th August 2015:
Hi, Pix.
I tried reviewing this in the morning, but Heather did faster than me. So I’ve finished her story and came back here. (Go Team Gold!)

I like the way you set the scene where Albus and Scorpius tried doing prank on James. I could imagine the move of Albus in the tree and the conversation through shoes between him and Scorpius like they used the Muggle transceivers. Then you led us to the rabbit that Wren was tagged. I wonder how long it took to set up this scene.

I enjoyed the gap of their conversation. It’s well planned and very interesting to read.
Poor Albus. He got hurt. If Wren didn’t get the rabbit, they would have had a normal conversation like they had before. I guess you’ve already lots of twists and turns from here. I wonder how much he would have to endure her distant attitude. I really like Albus’s POV.

The conversation at Slytherin CR was also interesting. How did you think of the character, Serena? Do you know the type like her in your life?

I like the conversation between Neville and Wren. And the description of the green houses and working Neville are lovely scenes. I like them.

The last scene was impressive, since you let Wren witness the weird phenomenon in her shed but she was distracted by bunny’s cuteness.

As I read your story, your Albus, Wren and Scorpius live vividly in my mind, I can’t stop admiring your description. Your way of writing mystery is very natural so I guess many readers can follow the story smoothly. I wondered why. Perhaps I think one of the reasons, you put nature in this story, weaving the young delicate and sensitive feelings.


Author's Response:

Hi Kenny!

She's fast, that one. Fast fingers.

I love the thing with the shoe too. It was something I wanted to use from the start of the story, and I'm glad it fit when I finally sat down to write it. Some of my cool ideas didn't make it into the story for whatever reason, but that one stuck.

Albus has a lot to go through before things get resolved. It's a long story. I almost felt bad for putting him through everything.

Ah, Serena. She's a bit wacky. I wanted to do a twist on a person who's infatuated with the physical beauty of others, and that's what I came up with. Very superficial. Very focused. Completely not interested in personality or anything on the inside, but I didn't want her to be, erm... tasteless as well.

I'm so glad these characters come alive for you with the words. It's hard to do that, and sometimes I think I don't get it right. The nature aspect is mostly because of the way that Bunny sees the world, and how he communicates with Wren, but I also like how you tied it in with the sensitive feelings of the young people in the story. That can also be true.

Thanks for another review. I'm so glad you are still reading this!


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Review #14, by CambAngst 23. Hearts in the Flesh

23rd August 2015:
Hi, pix! One more before I call it a night!

GryCReMo (Review #28)

Not many people can keep two star-crossed love stories going inside the same novel, but you're not just any author. After the last chapter being heavy on what's happening (more what's not happening) between Albus and Wren, you gave Rose and Scorpius a chapter where they both spend some quality time pondering their feelings toward one another. You seem to bring them both to the same epiphany -- that they care -- but you wouldn't be Pix if both epiphanies happened at the same moment. Oh, no. Nothing that simple for you. Instead, they both reach this higher level of understanding in life-threatening situations.

Oh, Rose. You may be a genius, but thinking that understanding your little brother is a good proxy for understanding men in general will never be a conclusion that you look back proudly upon.

Good grief! Can't someone just drive a wooden stake through Sloan's heart and be done with him? Maybe give him a Holy Water facial or stuff garlic bread down his throat? Dude needs to meet a satisfyingly unhappy end, that's all I'm saying.

Gran continues to be completely hardcore in this chapter, and I heartily approve. Wren has been in need of some tough love for... how many chapters does this story have? Pretty much since the beginning, she's needed Gran's no-nonsense guidance to get past all of her doubts and troubles and deal with reality.

And it now seems that everyone is on the same page where reality is concerned. Smeed knows more or less who the rogue vampire is. Wren is over all the denial and has finally admitted that, no, Bunny is not a completely innocent little animal who needs her love and support to survive. Somehow I can't imagine her turning and running the other way when things get really hairy, especially if Rose, Scorpius, Albus or anyone else is in danger. But at least she's going into the conflict with her eyes wide open now.

I didn't feel completely satisfied with the idea of Gran packing up and moving away to someplace in Leeds. This is the woman who rushed to Hogwarts to fight alongside the defenders against the Dark Lord's army. With all of Hogwarts, including her grandson, in danger, it seemed odd to me that she wouldn't be headed there to make sure that things were alright. Maybe we'll see her again before the story is over.

Finally, there's Scorpius. I can't recall whether this is the first scene we've read in his PoV, but it was brilliant. He has an amazing combination of vanity and manliness, captured perfectly in this one line:

Why, he put the man in manicure, if he did say so himself. -- Slow clap.

He really is quiet infatuated with Rose. A guy like that is always going to be smitten with the girl who stands up to him and isn't swept off of her feet by him charm and good looks. He's drawn to the challenge, to a person who makes him work for it. When he rushed to her side, you could feel it all coming to the surface.

I'm not sure whether I'll be back again tomorrow. Work will be busy and I have a meeting after work. But rest assured, I'll be back soon!

Author's Response:

Aww, Dan. You are too kind. No of course I can't let TWO character arcs reach their peak at the same time in a multi-arc story, and I'm pretty sure you aren't suggesting that, right? Because that would be insane. Just as long as you don't throw anything at me when they resolve, I think we'll be fine. Or... or do they have to resolve at all... just kidding. Just kidding. I kid. Really.

This is what happens when I'm stuck in an endless cycle of revising. ONE revision per story. That should be a rule. Err... I think it is somewhere. Maybe I should start following it, or something.

LOL! Rose. She thinks she's smart. And I'll personally hand you the stake for Ian, but only after I'm done with him.

I bet this story would be so different if Gran were in her right mind from the beginning. Probably why I decided against that. Plot. Don't mess with it.

I've had a few comments on the way that Gran left. The only thing I can tell you is that in Wren's eyes, Gran was larger than life, and now Gran isn't so cool anymore. Also, Wren wouldn't be privy to any adult conversations that happened between Gran and Hannah and Neville. Realistically, Gran hasn't included Wren in any of her major decision-making, so it's sort of perpetuating that sad fact.

This is Scorpius' second scene. He wanted more, but I pointed out that we were only going to fulfill the minimum from our contractual agreement that I made all my characters sign after that near-fiasco with Smeed and hs "big ideas".

I would love to say that I came up with that line first about the manicure, and in fact, I did independently think of it, far from the maddening influence of multimedia. HOWEVER, I recently did a Google search on it, and I am sad to say that back in 2011, Forbes Magazine published that very phrase, and now it's all over the place, encouraging men to buff up. Their nails. Because it's a thing. I can't tell you how disappointed I was about that. Anyway, it's probably been used before that because it's a GREAT LINE and I'm not the most brilliant person in the world to have ever thought of it.

Thanks so much for your reviews! And suddenly, I feel like running off and polishing my nails...


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Review #15, by CambAngst 22. Charmed Hearts

23rd August 2015:
Pix, you may be the best there is when it comes to building up a perfectly romantic moment and then dashing it on the rocks. Mist painting on the covered bridge in the early morning before the castle wakes up. Swirling patterns of blue and green dancing together. Wren trying to decide whether to slip under Albus's outstretched arm. And then a crowd of dopey Hufflepuffs featuring Nate, the Destroyer of Moments. Gah!!!

GryCReMo (Review #27)

Albus was right. She could do it without him, but she didn't want to. -- Well, that's progress of a sort. Now she just needs to let him know that.

Just when I thought that maybe, just maybe Albus was exaggerating James's persecution a bit in his head, this happens. I'll qualify the sentiment only to this extent: It's possible, I suppose, that James was somehow trying to hit Albus with a spell that would make him turn around and declare his undying love for Wren. I think that's unlikely, but it would be consistent with James's bizarre sort of logic. Mostly, though, I just think he was trying to make Albus feel like an even bigger fool. And the way he runs off after the duel? Just cowardly and weak.

Sigh. And I suppose now Wren is going to encounter this Lori girl all over Albus in a corridor somewhere? I actually don't remember whether that happens, I'm just guessing. Brilliant. :(

Serena is sort of... creepy, but in a sophisticated way? Is that a thing? Anyway, I don't think Wren needs to worry about her becoming a legitimate competitor for any boy's affection. Unless maybe he has really, really nice skin.

Ah, so Wren has learned something new about Bunny. Not sure what, obviously, but apparently it was enough to shake her badly.

Go, Gran! I love that crazy, old vulture hat-wearing lady! Not that I think Smeed was about to cause Wren any harm. Rather, I think that he simply wants to know what Wren knows. He's one piece away from solving the puzzle and Wren has that piece. I hope they're able to assemble the whole thing in the next chapter.

This story is getting so good now! I'm barreling ahead with reckless abandon!

Author's Response:

Romantic moment? Where?? Just kidding. I completely did that on purpose. We'll just give Nate his own black cape and some kind of freaky mask and call it a day, shall we?

You might be asking a bit much of Wren right now. That move would require independent thoughts, which is difficult when there's someone else inside her head trying to influence her every move.

I love how you're seemingly trying to justify James' actions by giving reasonable and logical explanations for his deplorable behavior.

About Lori, I had something like that in mind, but then squashed it in first revision when I felt like it was too predictable. Good thing. You'd have seen it coming from a mile away.

I don't know if creepy sophistication is a "thing" or not. But I will say that my endgame for Serena surprised my other beta reader. I can't wait to see if you are pleased or you end up throwing things at me... figuratively, of course, because of the computer screen.

Gran is indeed back within her right mind. She's one tough lady.

We're so close. I can feel it.


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Review #16, by CambAngst 21. Somewhere in the Heart

23rd August 2015:
Hi, Pix! I am going to try to get completely caught up before this month is over. The reading isn't the hard part, it's getting it all down in a review. I will persevere, however.

GryCReMo (Review #26)

It’s only veins. -- Oh, Wren. Remember that talk we had about rivers in Egypt?

Momentary issues aside, I feel like Wren made some major progress with figuring out what's actually going on in this chapter. With the help of her friend Nate, she finally put two and two together and made the connection between vampires, thrawls and rabbits. She seems pretty close to working Dillon into the equation, as well.

OK, so compared to Rose and Scorpius, maybe Wren and Albus's relationship isn't progressing quite so badly. At least Wren and Albus aren't making plans to actively avoid one another. For the entire story so far, it's felt like Albus's courage to approach Wren and Wren's desire to approach Albus have been 180 degrees out of phase with one another. Apologies for the geeky physics analogy, but that's the best way I can come up with to describe it. In this chapter, it feels like they're starting to get in sync with one another. But... Albus's courage cycle doesn't peak quite soon enough. And he ends up asking for a study buddy instead of a girlfriend. Come on, boy, get it together!

Ha! Seems like McGonagall lit a fire underneath Summers's rear end. At least he's making an effort to look like he's teaching.

Ooh! The Book Club boys are creepy. Dillon has some muscle inside the castle. Can it be long before he starts saying things like, "My father will hear of this!"

And... Nate scoops Albus. Not for a date, per se, but I think I read that this is how John and Yoko started out. And the next thing you know, they were making horrible albums with two naked people on the cover. Let's hope that Wren comes to her senses well before that point.

Ha! The Burns and Smeed iPad scene! I remember this from beta reading. It was one of my favorite scenes in the entire story. Looks like Wren isn't the only one who's starting to make some connections. Smeed now knows that he's looking for a vampire with magic or perhaps a wizard who's been turned. Either way, I think the only missing piece for him is that he'd be hard-pressed to imagine that a little boy was causing all of this. I love the idea of grabbing a random bat, enthralling it and then using it for post. Genius!

Creepy little Dillon. At long last, he's arrived at Hogwarts. It's a good thing that the magical protections are keeping him out, at least for now. But it appears that James will cause worse problems than stolen maps and changed Hogsmeade schedules in this story.

Great chapter! Back soon.

Author's Response:

Chapter 21.

Yep. Here we are. Wren's not skinny dipping in exotic waters, she's just... umm... well. Okay. There might be a slight problem here.

"OK, so compared to Rose and Scorpius, maybe Wren and Albus's relationship isn't progressing quite so badly."

Snerk. Way to look on the bright side of things, Dan. Have you been peeking at my story arc charts again? Aparently not. Stop rushing Albus. There are Thiry-One chapters for him to get it together. He's taking his own sweet time.

Yes, yes, it's all about appearances for Summers. Raise your eyebrows, scribble a little with the chalk, give menacing looks to the back of the room when you hear a suspicious noise, and for goodness sake keep your eyes open until the bell rings! No award-winning lesson plans or anything, but at least he's going through the motions.

ROFL! More like, "Do you wanna build a snowman?" and then fifty creepy rabbit-mind-meld kids rush out to the forest and roll up a white-washed army. Ooohhh, creepy one-shot just jumped into my head.

Wait. WHAT?? Wren is NOT going to... you know what? Just, never mind. I'm leaving that alone. That made me laugh for well over an hour. I still laugh about it and get funny looks from strangers. Be very proud of yourself. Actually, after a Google search, it was something about an invisible hammer... which could also be an interesting one-shot... without the naked people.

Random bat thralls. It seemed like the thing to do at the time. I had several incarnations of that over these last two years. They all seemed to disappear with each revision until this one stuck. Sometimes, you've just got to make room in a story for stuff like that.

Thanks for another very entertaining review!


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Review #17, by cherry_pop94 7. Heart To Handle

21st August 2015:
Hello Pix! I'm here for another review.

The last two chapters have been really enjoyable. I like the new characters you've introduced us to (Nate and Trudy). I feel like there's something fishy about Nate, maybe related to Dillon? And Albus's weird new rabbit from James was such a funny image. With Scorpius so terrified of it, but then running off to show Rose.

I really like the way Rose and Scorpius so clearly like each other, but are always taking these jabs. It's adorable in a very juvenile way.

The last bit with Dillon has definitely caught my interest. So he can control people's thoughts through his rabbits? I wonder what he's doing to Wren and Albus then... With her headaches and inability to do magic, it's all getting very suspicious! And the rabbits can apparate, and we're still not sure about Wren's missing six weeks of summer!

This is shaping up to be really interesting read!


Author's Response:

Hi Stefanie!

Nate and Trudy each have their own small part to play in the story. Not too much, but enough to get their own names, which they are quite thankful for. Yeah, Scorpius is ready to show Rose almost anything these days...

Please continue to be suspicious. It will keep you from getting too close to the rabbits, which you can see, are not to be approached if you're smart. Sometimes I wish I could have made my characters more aware of the situation, but then there wouldn't be much of a story... or there'd be a different story...

Anyway. Thanks for coming back again! I appreciate your words!


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Review #18, by Penelope Inkwell 1. Have a Heart

21st August 2015:
Hi! I'm here checking out some of the Dobby pre-noms, and your story comes highly recommended (congratulations, by the way). I've been meaning to get over here and take a look at it for a bit, and I've finally found the time.

So, right off, I am definitely intrigued. That flash of light, and the fact that we don't know what it is, sets a bit of a mysterious tone. I always really appreciate when writers leave plenty of questions in chapter 1, and don't try to explain it all--they just use it to reel you in. You do that nicely. Even without that bit at the end, I'd be wondering what happened to Wren's grandmother. But then you packed that little punch in--what on earth is going on.

You have a very pretty writing style. Plenty of description, but never too much, and Wren's melancholy really just bleeds through the page...well, screen, but you see my point.

i'm definitely curious to know what happens next.

CC: So, as a rule, i always try to give CC, wherever possible, because I find that it really helps me. There wasn't much here--you've clearly been very thorough in your writing and revisions--but I did notice this one thing:

She turned away from the house, not wanting anyone to see and tore off into the woods.
– I could be wrong--I'm not an expert--but I think there should be a comma after "see".

Overall, this is just a very good first chapter. I'm looking forward to finding out more about Wren (and this mysterious bunny-stealing light).

Highlight reel: Her dad came through the room with potted plants in each arm, muttering in concentration. "I know it's going to be a shock to you, but I think you'll like it in your new home," he was saying. It took Wren a second to register that he was talking to the plants instead of her.
– this cracked me up :D


Author's Response:

Hi Penny. Thanks for stopping by and checking this out.

Thanks for catching that missing comma. Commas and I have a long standing antagonistic relationship. A lot of comma rules are optional, which is what I run with most of the time. But I do respect the breathing comma. Because I don't want my readers to die of oxygen depletion. You know, you've gotta keep your readers alive, or there'll be no one left to read your stuff. Right?

Ah, I'm so glad you liked the bit with Neville in it. That was an addition from the revision. I sort of needed that to establish how he is with his plants to make sense of some things to come. Neville loves those green things so much!

There's a fair bit of mystery in this thing, and the plot is all weird-like. There's no strong romance issues going on, so the story as a whole doesn't grab a lot of people, and the plot does start off rather slow. The whole thing has this lilting style that is so much Wren that I could only pull it off this way. It's not for everyone, but it's the way this thing came out. If you've got the patience, I'd love to hear what you think of the rest of the story. I'm okay with a full read-through, and then some comments at the end even. Or whatever.

Thanks so much for giving this a chance!


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Review #19, by StarFeather 7. Heart To Handle

20th August 2015:
#(Team Gold!) I tried to post this review during lunch time, but Kaitlin was faster..(sigh).

Thank you for dropping by my new one-shot, Pixi. Oh, you do music, too. I’m happy to know that. I’d like to reply to your awesome review, but I think it better to visit here first after Kevin set the review race.

It’s good to see Wren became free from family’s troubles. The new semester, the new study schedule and much hope for the new things. You described them naturally.

Usually, it’s warming to see someone cares pets. But we know the rabbit was cursed, so we wish that Wren will notice something goes wrong ASAP. It’s heartbreaking to read the part, “She’d already lost Gran. She couldn’t bear to lose anyone else.”

I wondered what charm is “Carpe Retractum.” Is it related to music? The description of the Advanced Charms class is admirable, too. Though I felt puzzled a little to know Albus was a Slytherin student with Scorpius first, now I got used to it, it’s very likely that he is good at Charms, his mother was good at casting Bat-Boggy Hex and he surely has some of the characters of Snape like his middle name shows it.

Wren’s daydream reminded me of Harry’s headache caused by the link with Voldemort. It’s a good plot to set her like him. She can’t even listen to what Ackerly said about homework distracted thinking hard about the rabbit. It’s very understandable that Albus squirmed from the attention drawn to their table. I smiled at the opposite reaction of Rose, too. They reminded me of Harry and Hermione. I understand Wren’s embarrassing feeling towards her father, too. Adolescent boys and girls feel like that towards parents.

The description of the scene where Wren tried to stay awake dividing her classmates by school colors on their robe trim is interesting. I love the paragraphs where you condensed with Wren’s feeling towards Albus and his short remark which shows his all feeling for her, “Missed you at lunch.”

Wow, there’re four mysteries. Why didn’t the letter reach Dillon’s place? Why couldn’t Wren perform her magic well? Can Dillon manipulate anybody through the poor rabbit? How much power does he hold inside him like a fading light ball?


Author's Response:


Kaitlin's a fast one.

Wren's pretty fixated on that rabbit. But then that's kind of the point of the story, so just let it flow from there.

The spell isn't really related to music, but it can be. I got it from Harry Potter wikki, when I was looking up more ideas about magic to insert into the story. My brain doesn't hold all the little details of the HP world, so I have to look a lot of things up.

Wren gets distracted an awful lot in this story. She eventually gets a handle on it, but it's hard work for her to control things. I can tell you that she learns eventually.

Yes, lots of mystery. I hope you like mystery, because here it is.

Thanks for reading again!


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Review #20, by CambAngst 20. Tenderized Hearts

19th August 2015:
Hi, Pix! Onward for another chapter!

GryCReMo (Review #22)

Yes, Wren, yes! For once, Bunny's fright should be bothering you. Talk about not being in touch with your instincts. If she tripped over a black cat and fell into a mirror, she'd probably run right out and buy some lottery tickets.

I really liked her creepy journey through the castle. Great mood material.

I am officially creeped out that Summers has a magazine article about Albus and his family. Probably not as creeped out as Albus, but creeped out nevertheless.

The confrontation in the kitchen is still really driving a wedge between the two of them, isn't it? Good thing they're teenagers. Shouldn't take very long to forget it ever happened.

Good job keeping the demon bunnies creepy. Beady eyes, fangs... they're the real deal.

Finally! Wren's being honest with somebody about what's been happening. And quite fortunate that Albus happened to be the one. There is hope for these two yet.

So, um... I couldn't help but notice that Summers is messing with the castle doors. A bit of foreshadowing, if I'm guessing correctly? Dillon is on his way.

And just as they're about to have A Moment, Albus faints. I have a bunch of different conflicting thoughts about the rabbit bite and his anti-hex arm bands. Even though they're preventing the healing spells from working properly, it's also possible that the arm bands are preventing the rabbit bite from causing greater harm. Or preventing the harm from spreading. Maybe if Dumbledore had been wearing anti-hex arm bands when he tried to use the ring horcrux, his hand would have fallen off and that would have been the end of it. Maybe I'm just rambling.

As the nurse rolled the gurney into position, Wren called out, "Take his pants off! Check all over!" -- Nice try, Wren. But Pomfrey was on to you. ;)

The old librarian’s eyes reminded her of the baby rabbit monsters, dark and empty. -- So why, oh why, did you just leave Albus alone with the two of them??? Think, girl, THINK!

I don't know whether you'd call this a typo, but it read strangely:

Summers led them down an unfamiliar staircase that veered off to the right of the Potions Wing. It veered off to the right. -- That's a lot of veering.

I'm enjoying catching up on all of these chapter that I haven't seen since I beta read them. Back again soon!

Author's Response:

Hi Dan!

Onward it is! Poor Wren doesn't know which way is up anymore. She's just trying to keep one foot in front of the other at times.

Yeah, Summers might have too much time on his hands if he's reading those kinds of magazines.

LOL! Hopefully, they'll forget this whole story ever happened one day. It'd be like mass amnesia. "Tell us about your sixth year." "Erm... did we even have a sixth year? I think it started after Christmas."

Yep. Real. And Creepy. Just the way I like them.

Very fortunate that Albus was there at the right time finally. Small, minuscule steps. And ahh, the castle doors. You weren't supposed to see that bit... shhh!

It could have been a life saver, those arm bands, but they weren't invented yet, so alas, we lost Dumbledore. But really, I'm not too up on my hex band theory so I'm not sure if they actually work that way against ring horcruxes or not. Better take it up with McGonagall if you want a definitive answer on that one.

Yesh. Pomfrey has been hearing those lines for YEARS, I'm sure.

Hey, stop yelling at Wren. She's already having a hard enough time of it. It's not entirely her fault that she's hooked up on Bunny's mind meld and can't think straight.

Took care of that veering thing. Thanks. Didn't want any future readers to get vertigo when they go down those stairs.

Ah, it has been a little while, hasn't it? But then you do catch all the important stuff.

I'm enjoying these reviews! Thanks so much!


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Review #21, by AlexFan 3. Cold Toes, Warm Heart

19th August 2015:
THAT IS ONE CREEPY DAMN BUNNY OH MY GOD! BURN IT BEFORE IT BREEDS! I knew it, I just knew it, that bunny is all cute and stuff but there was something fishy about it, I didn’t trust that bunny. There must be some kind of connection between Wren and the bunny. What’s the bunny going to do with that connection, is it going to use it to try and harm Wren?

I don’t like this bunny.

Your descriptions were on point, I could definitely feel exactly what Wren was experiencing, I could very clearly picture the room spinning around her and her dizziness and the pain. I could definitely relate to her feeling of being alone while everyone else is talking to each other about their summer, I know how that feels to be apart from your group of friends. And I know how strange it must seem to her to have let so much time slip away. I loved your description of Albus, I just kept picturing a really big sloth for some reason while you were describing how tall he had gotten.

Everything seemed so innocent at the beginning of the story but everything has picked up so quickly, I didn’t think it would start getting dark this early on in the story. I love how your building the suspense up for the story as Wren tries to figure out what’s going on with her and what’s happening.

Author's Response:
You didn't happen to watch last night's episode of Zoo, did you???

Because I was sort of thinking the same thing, except much later on in my story. :P

I'm so glad that Wren's descriptions were clear to you and you could relate to them. It is very strange to have people in the same room with you and you can't seem to relate to them at all. Hahah, really big sloth!

Also glad you like the build up of the suspense. It's going to take Wren a while to figure things out.

Thanks for another cool review!


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Review #22, by CambAngst 19. Hearty Heart Heart

18th August 2015:
Hi, Pix! Another evening, another review. Slowly counting up...

GryCReMo (Review #21)

Nothing can ever happen easily for Albus and Wren, can it. They have a nice little double-lunch-date planned, and, WHAM! Scorpius goads Rose into going upside his head. I like the approach you've taken to Scorpius trying to worm his way into Rose's heart. Brainy girl, goofy guy... the combination definitely works. Neither one of them know quite how to dial it back, however.

OK, the whole conversation about vampire right was like adding insult to injury. How can these kids be so oblivious? It's like the year when Snape dedicated every DADA class that he substituted for to teaching the kids about werewolves. Sorry, forgot to put "teaching" in finger quotes. But my point stands.

I do hope that McGonagall gives Summers a good once-over. Perhaps a magical decontamination of some sort. At the very least some sort of admonishment for sleeping during class. This chapter did leave me very curious as to what she and Neville might be up to in parallel to the main plot arc.

So McGonagall finally got rid of the old fruit bowl painting at the door to the kitchens. About time. It seemed like everyone knew about that pear.

The world is moving way too fast for poor Albus. Consequently, he throws yet another monkey wrench into the works between himself and Wren. I get where he's coming from, but dude, you gotta be a little more sensitive. Or sensitive at all, for that matter.

Rose finally came clean about being smitten with Scorpius. And all it took was assaulting him in a fit of frustration. It would have been nice to see Wren take some ideas away from that confession, but unfortunately she's too busy receiving telepathic warnings from her demon bunny. Man, that rabbit has lousy timing!

This chapter was a nice, bite-sized break to the pace you've been on for the past few. I liked that. It gave me a chance to mentally relax for a bit before what I'm sure will be an action-packed next few chapters. Until next time!

Author's Response:

Hey Dan! You're doing great with that count. Probably better than me.

You're right. Scorpius and Rose are both intensely... intense about things. One or both of them are going to have to calm down or nothing's going to get done. It was fun to play with, even though it's frustrating for everyone involved.

JUST like the werewolf thing. Just like it. Let's wave everything in front of everyone's noses until someone wakes up. Ahh, it seemed like a good idea at the time...

LOL! I loved the fruit bowl, but it seemed so outdated. There's got to be some kind of portrait rotation or those portrait people are going to go crazy from boredom. That, and the house elves would never get a moment's rest.

Summers needs a good reprimand, I agree. Not sure how much of one he's going to get, or if his incident would make it into his file or not. Hmm...

Let's just say that Albus is about as frustrated as you are at this point, but he has no idea how to channel that frustration into anything more constructive than digestion.

I'm kind of proud of how that whole Rose admission thing came out. She might hate me for it, but I can live with that. As for Wren... well... umm...

Thanks for coming back again! Sometimes we all need to step back and breathe. I'm glad it was well-placed for you.


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Review #23, by cherry_pop94 5. Distant Hearts

18th August 2015:
Hello Pix!

I hope you don't mind that I'm going to be skipping a few chapters and doing general overview reviews every few chapters instead of for each one. I want to finish this as soon as possible as I've already dragged this on for so long!

The last two chapters have been really great. There was a really big cast of people in the last few, but you've done a good job giving them all separate personalities. I especially like Scorpius and Albus. They seem to really fit together and Albus had just the right amount of awkwardness around Wren!

The bit at the end of this chapter was great as well! I'm always curious to know more about Dillon and again, you've set him up as such a mysterious character! I'm wondering... has James got Albus a bunny from Dillon as well? Free pets seems suspicious.

I would say though, that these two chapters could benefit from more prose between the dialogue. You do dialogue really well. It all sounds very natural and flows smoothly, but it's hard for me to figure out what's going on and to set a scene in my head without some prose to balance it out as well.

Still, I really enjoyed this and I can't wait to read more! I'm pretty excited for when they all get to Hogwarts!


Author's Response:

Hi again!

No problem on the skipping chapters. I'm happy if you get to the end, no matter how you do it.

I think Scorpius and Albus make a good team. They seem to have each others' backs and help each other out like good friends do.

I will take your dialogue-heavy comment into consideration. I sometimes condense my prose too much, and I have to watch for general flow.

Thanks for the great review! They should be at Hogwarts shortly!


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Review #24, by cherry_pop94 3. Cold Toes, Warm Heart

17th August 2015:
Hi Pix!

I'm sorry it's been so long. A lot has been happening with me over the past week or so, but things have calmed down a bit now. I'm hoping to finish this by the end of summer!

I really liked this chapter. It was really interesting and I'm definitely curious about what happened with the six week time jump. It all passed by Wren in a blur... That bunny is definitely something strange. I wonder if we'll ever get to know what happened in Wren's six week adventure?

I really love the parallels between this and Alice in Wonderland. The white rabbit, the title of course, the bored and displaced heroine, even the letter that said 'READ ME.' I thought that especially was a great touch. For me, it sort of enhanced this experience.

I don't have any concrit for this chapter. I thought it was well done and well written. I'll be reading the next chapter tomorrow morning (for real this time)!


Author's Response:


I thought I had just typed this review response, but HPFF ate it. Ahh...

Anyway. No problem on the delay. I'm happy when you come back, whenever that may be.

The parallels between this story and Alice in Wonderland are purely coincidental, but I think they're neat, now that you point them out to me. I hadn't even thought about it until now. :)

Thanks for another sweet review!


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Review #25, by TreacleTart 11. Hearts Enthralled

17th August 2015:
Hey Pix!

Back for another Gryffindor Review Battle review! Go Team Red!

I forgot to mention the whole thing with Madame Pince getting bit by the rabbit in my last review, but this chapter reminded me. I had been wondering if Dillon instructed the bunny to bite her or if it's just a vicious bunny, but I think this chapter has answered that.

I feel pretty certain at this point that Dillon is indeed a vampire of some sort. That would explain the feedings and I think possibly why he hadn't been accepted into Hogwarts. It would also explain why he'd had the rabbit bite Madame Pince. It was feeding for him? Is that even a thing? Or maybe this is all a red herring of sorts and you just want me to think that he's a vampire.

The party was very strange. Madame Pince's behavior was quite unusual and her insistence that everyone drink punch was very ominous from the get go. I wondered if it wasn't going to have some strange effect on everyone. Maybe she's setting them all up for Dillon's arrival so that he can feed on all of them a little bit.

And that whole piece about thrall's and vampires was interesting as well. I feel like it's all foreshadowing of things to come although I can't pinpoint exactly what yet.

I did find the beginning section in Nate's POV to be a little random, mainly because I've gotten used to it pretty much being in Wren's POV except that time it was in Albus' POV.

Anyway, I'm quite interested to see what comes next!


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