Reading Reviews for Rabbit Heart
  
107 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Infinityx Cross My Heart

16th April 2014:
Hi again, Pix!

Hmm, Nate. I don't know what to make of him. He seems like just a normal character, albeit an observant one. But every other character in this story seems to have some kind of ulterior purpose so far, so I'm a little suspicious of this nice guy. Ugh, Pix, you're making me suspicious of everyone!

Albus. Why do boys have to be so dumb when it comes to their feelings? And Scorpius too. They make me feel like shaking them till their teeth rattle, and they get a bit of sense knocked into their head!

When Gran was mentioned again, it reminded me of her wish to move away from the bungalow. Now I'm puzzling over that again. I hope Gran is on the road to recovery now. She did seem like it a few chapters ago. Maybe give the readers a small peek into that side of the story?

What is happening to Wren? She's just accepting all the crazy stuff that's happening like it's nothing! She doesn't react to the bunny teleporting out of its cage and near her feet, she's making plans to lure the big rabbit out keeping its powers in mind...*shudder* I hope she doesn't end up losing her mind. (although that would be a great twist :D)

OH MY GOSH IT'S THE SAME BUNNY. I suspected it, but now it's confirmed! This is one hell of a monstrous plot, Pix.

Did I tell you that I love the words you use? There are so many wonderful adjectives in here, and they all seem deliberately used, but at the same time, they just fit so naturally. Your writing is just lovely.

Update soon, before I go crazy!

~Erin

'Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza'

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Review #2, by Infinityx Guarded Hearts

16th April 2014:
Wow. So Wren gets thralled by the bunny, and then drinks the tea given to her by Smeed in order to feel better. That's messed up! :o

Yay! A chapter without evil bunnies! I love how this part of the plot is moving forward. You're not just focusing on the weirder occurrences, but also the normal life of the characters, which is great!

I'm so glad Wren's keeping the wristband on! Maybe it'll protect her from the bunny's influence. I really hope it does. I like the unthralled Wren.

Hahaha, girl gossip time! Rose is such an interesting character as well! I hate Ian, such a sleazy git. But that bit about him putting in some effort for Rose made me look at him in a different light. Then bam! He becomes a git again.

Aww, Wren and Albus. I love them. They have the best relationship ever. I have a guy best friend, and it's the best thing in the world when there's no awkwardness. :D Poor Wren, thinking that Albus doesn't like her that way. *sigh* Oh the joys of reading about seemingly unrequited love! :D

Hmm, I wonder if Ian's been affected by the drink in some way. He did drink a lot of it, and unlike Mr. Summers, he doesn't have access to a rabbit to thrall him and make him feel better. I wonder what was in that drink...

He totally deserves that camera flash.

~ Erin

'Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza'

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Review #3, by Infinityx Hungry for Hearts

16th April 2014:
Ohmygosh!! VAMPIRE RABBITS! THIS PLOT JUST KEEPS GETTING CRAZIER.

I knew that that guy - Smeed - had something to do with Dillon when he entered the inn! Who just shows up like that, breaks up a fight, and asks to be hired? And they don't know anything about him!! Wow, vampires. I never thought of that possibility. Although, I did have a feeling that Dillon wasn't just a normal boy. *mind whirs like clockwork* Okay, I still got nothing. I have no clue where this is going, and that's brilliant!

I love the iPad reference!! Bringing in some Muggle technology into a magically powered world, brilliant!

"Spiced rum, or brandy?"
How do you write like this, how?! You are so awesome! And you update so quickly, with each chapter so amazing! How? :o

STAY AWAY FROM WREN YOU EVIL RABBIT. I do hope she's alright. :(

I hope there are some more clues in the next chapter. Wow, vampires...

~Erin

Huffleclaw - Ravenpuff extravaganza

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Review #4, by Infinityx Heartburn

16th April 2014:
Hello Pix! I'm here for your requested review. I'm not sure, but I think I stopped at the last chapter, so I'm going to start here and go on till the last updated one. :D

Ugh, just the mental picture of that fat rabbit has got me sick to the stomach. It's so creepy! I can't make sense of this plot. What is with those rabbits? :o

Okay, so Dillon is able to control them somehow by getting into their minds. He does so because of the mission that his mother made him go on? Wren has a rabbit that can get into her mind, and Dillon has a connection with that rabbit. Wren can somehow sense what the rabbit is feeling, and the connection between her and the bunny is what makes her feel better. And above all that, this is affecting her powers somehow. Then there's that rabbit that found Pince, and Pince put something in the drinks to affect all the students. Now Nigel is under the rabbits' spell as well and there's some sort of mission that they have. Okay, I got nothing. Seriously, this is one of the best plots I've ever read and I am clueless about where it's headed.

(If you want CC, I'm probably not the person to ask because I am so drawn into this story that all I can do is gush over it.)

Aww, Albus and Wren are the cutest! One thing that I absolutely LOVE about this story apart from the crazy plot and all that, is how smoothly it flows. The whole relationship between Wren and Al is so realistic! It's not something that just jumps from friendship one day, to something more the next. It progresses, they have awkward situations and doubts, they get back to being wonderful friends..everything is so perfectly in place! Wonderfully written, Pix, I'm jealous! :D

Hahaha, Wren just threw up in her crush's room. I don't know why I find that funny. I guess I just like how nothing happens very easily, and it's so obvious that their feelings are going to be suppressed for a while longer (which is a good thing.) I'd love to see more of the friendship side before it progresses. :)

He lay frozen against the desk when it opened its maw, spittle splayed across the oversized incisors.
Oh gosh, that is such a vivid picture!! I am so grossed out. :/ Brilliant description!
I think oversized should be written as over-sized though.

This was amazing! I'm on to the next chapter now!

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Review #5, by MargaretLane Cross My Heart

15th April 2014:
Hmm, Mr. Summers still isn't looking well. I wonder what that means.

And Sloan isn't feeling well either. I wonder if that's just an offhand comment or if it's relevant. I'm getting suspicious of everything now, from anybody ill to new students joining the school (even if they did so a year previously). I just can't help feeling pretty much everything you say here could be relevant.

And now I'm wondering what Nate means by "you people." Wren and her friends, Hogwarts students in general, people that aren't him?

Oh, oh, it looks like the tea isn't working so well anymore. I wonder why that is.

I wonder does her glance at the lake behind her old home mean Dillon is there.

Author's Response:

Yes. Be suspicious of everything. If Wren was like that, she'd be better off. Maybe not everything is relevant, but I don't like throwing around little details "just because". Though I will admit that some of it is for "flavor", rather than "necessity".

I still can't believe you've made it this far! This is amazing! I try to post weekly, so if I've gotten you curious enough, I hope you'll keep reading.

Thanks so much for all the reviews and sharing your thoughts with me!


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Review #6, by MargaretLane Guarded Hearts

14th April 2014:
Looking back, Smeed said "be careful around your new friend", not "friends", so maybe he doesn't know about the rabbit; maybe he's assuming she's befriended a vampire, which she sort of has, without knowing it.

I'm glad you entered this story in my challenge. It's not something I'd ever have chosen to read; I'm not a big horror person. And I probably wouldn't have read on if I'd just read a chapter or two, because the start was sort of confusing, but it just gets more interesting as it goes on.

*cheers for her drinking the tea* Keep doing so, Wren and ignore Dillon. But I guess if she did that, we wouldn't have another 15 chapters or whatever it is.

With the mention of the thrall thing, I am beginning to think all the more than the stresses in her life might be a contributory factor. Perhaps you need to be in a vulnerable state in order for the vampire to overpower you emotionally. Not that I'd think of Madame Pince as in a vulnerable state, but she doesn't exactly strike me as a happy person, so perhaps that's relevant.

And their assumption that James did something amuses me, because in my next gen, that's pretty much my characters' first reaction too when things go wrong. "JAMES, WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Rose being impressed that the guy who complimented her had read the source material is so Hermione-like. It's like she's attracted to people who take their studies seriously.

I've also started wondering if there might be a specific reason Nate started school when he did. It does seem like sort of a weird time - the final year of his O.W.L. course. I mean of course, he might just have to be in school to take the exam or more likely, you might just have needed him to start then for plot reasons (*laughs*), but it's occurred to me there might also be a specific reason he could no longer be homeschooled. Like maybe his parents died or he'd some other family problem. I don't see how that could be relevant to your story, but you never know. I suppose it's more likely his being new is relevant because of something he learnt in his rather unorthodox previous education or something.

Author's Response:

Nah, Smeed's not completely aware of what's going on with Wren. I'm glad you're finding the story interesting! Otherwise, I wouldn't be getting all these sweet reviews! Thanks so much! The story's kind of on the edge of horror, I suppose. There wasn't a genre for "sort of scary". Hahah!

Yes, the tea is helping Wren. At least it's giving her a clear enough head to be more aware of things. Sorry about all the confusion... okay, maybe I'm not sorry. I just like complicated story mechanics. Silly me!

That's pretty funny about James II! He's probably not blameless in your story either.

I almost had Nate start his first year this year, but I needed him to be more comfortable with Hogwarts than that. Otherwise there would be some things later that wouldn't work out as well. So yeah, he's important.

I am so grateful that you have stuck with all these chapters!


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Review #7, by MargaretLane Hungry for Hearts

14th April 2014:
Smeed has no magic of his own? I wonder if he's a Squib. Or a vampire. The latter is possible too. Perhaps vampires police their own.

I wonder if it's Dillon he's tracking. I guess so, but it may not be that simple.

I'm now starting to think Smeed MAY be a vampire. That'd be interesting.

And now he's ruled out my original theory of his being a Squib.

LOVE the use of the i-pad.

And he is starting to explain how much he knew about Wren. But he doesn't seem to know there are rabbits involved, so what did he mean by her friends. *ponders*

You've written "we split a does of pepperup," when I assume it should be "dose".

Author's Response:

Nope. Smeed is magic-less. But his friend knows how to use current technology. Glad you liked that bit!

Wren's symptoms didn't make much sense to Smeed. He's never seen anything like it. Hopefully people will start getting clues soon, right?

Thanks for the typo catch! Those pesky things!


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Review #8, by Karou_Marauder Have a Heart

14th April 2014:
Hiya!

This is a nice start, right into the mystery of the light. You do a good job of describing Wren's feelings about everything without leaving out the descriptions of what's going on around her, so we really get a feel for what's happening.

I like the little argument between Albus and Rose outside the door, as immediately get a feeling for what kind of person Rose is.

That's sad, about her Gran. Augusta Longbottom was always such a...hmm...a trooper, shall we say, and now she's ill. Neville must be so upset, on top of his parents' death too.

The way you drop little things about each character is really well done: "they all loved Neville as a person but no one really shared his passion for plants" tells us exactly what Neville is like, along with "his help always seemed to come with an equal amount of embarrassment."

The banter between the cousins is just right - not too much but just enough for us to see they have an easy relationship. The bit where James goes: "Ooh, sandwiches!" is great. :)

Wren loves her animals, doesn't she? And the bunny is so cute. I just can't shake the feeling, though, that somehow the bunny is going to end up inside her somehow? Well, something bad is going to happen anyway.

There it is! The mysterious flash of light from that morning. And the bunny is gone. Spooky...

I think I will HAVE to read the rest of this!

-Karou

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Review #9, by AudenPenelope Have a Heart

13th April 2014:
Hello!
So I'm not going to lie, I find the title of this story a little strange but I'm so glad I found it. (And I LOVE Florence and the Machine) It's such a great beginning and I already love Wren as a character. And I absolutely adore the interaction between Wren and Al. This seems like such an original story and I hope to keep reading! :D

Author's Response:

Hi, AudenPenelope!

I'm so glad you found this story too! If you love the quirky bits of Florence and the Machine, you'll probably like this story. LOL! I did mean for this to be original, so don't expect too many cliche's, but do expect some weird here and there.

And by all means, let me know what you think, good or bad.

Thanks for reading!

-Pix


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Review #10, by UnluckyStar57 Big as Hearts

13th April 2014:
Hello! You didn't think I'd forgotten about you, did you?! No, things have been busy lately, but I'm back for more!! I can never resist the rabbits!

Speaking of which, ANOTHER rabbit has appeared! That's pretty scary, especially since this one is for Albus. It was horrifying when Scorpius Stunned it and it didn't stay down. I'm glad that Albus couldn't take it because he had Prefect duty. But what now? Will Scorpius become attached to it? This bunny doesn't seem like the deceptively cuddly one that Wren has--it's much feistier and meaner. Whatever happens, it does not bode well for the gang!

Oh, Wren. Constant contact with that darn rabbit and what do you get? A case of social anxiety and extreme weirdness. Why is the bunny so against the use of magic? Will Wren stop doing magic because the bunny hates it? Worse still, will the bunny DRAIN her powers from her?! Oh no!!

The photography gig sounds awesome. Wren has a talent and she should enjoy doing it. If she weren't looking after an evil bunny rabbit from Mars, I'm sure that she would.

It was nice getting some background on Hannah and the Leaky Cauldron. The idea of an Extension Charm on the room is really good, especially if there are a bunch of big, drunk people around. Hannah is totally awesome--she handled the crowd really well. Nellie should learn, but I can't blame her for wanting to get out as fast as possible! And Smeed seems okay for right now. He probably will play a larger role later on, but I hope that he's a good guy. The rabbits are villains enough for me!!

What's next? More rabbits? More times when Wren forgets what she's been doing for the past twelve hours? Will Albus turn into a giant rabbit? I can't believe you've already got fifteen chapters on this story--congratulations! I can't wait to read them!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: It's YOU! I've missed you! *hugs*

Yes, now there are two. What do you get when you have two rabbits? I'll let you ponder that for a little while...

Oh no! Horrible, magic-draining, evil rabbit!

Yes, Wren loves her camera. She'll keep loving it. I promise.

I'm glad you think Hannah is awesome. Someone's gotta be competent. Might as well be the adults in the story. :P Smeed's cool. Just like his name. Smed... Makes me smile.

Yes. You are absolutely right. Bunny's sucking Wren's powers, and Albus will turn into a rabbit. Just in time for EASTER!!! What great timing!

Just kidding.

Thanks for another fabulous review! I hope to see you around again sometime.

Pix


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Review #11, by MargaretLane Heartburn

13th April 2014:
I thought firstly that the rabbits might have had some sort of effect on James too, but it sounds more like getting too big for his boots now that he's legally an adult.

Poor Wren. She really does seem to be feeling awful.

And yikes, the latter half of this chapter is creepy. Looks like Summers is more of a victim than a suspicious character.

Author's Response:

Definitely tight boots are to blame here. LOL!

Well, you did want someone not feeling well for your challenge, right? I thought Wren fit the bill nicely. And she's NOT pregnant. :P

Yay for creepy part of the chapter! They're my favorite.


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Review #12, by MargaretLane Hearts Enthralled

13th April 2014:
Last year, he'd have been in 5th year, right? I don't think students CAN give up subjects before their O.W.L.S. Doesn't Ron say at the end of 2nd year when they are talking about subject choices that they've to keep all the subjects they were already doing and only have choices with regard to the new ones? Plus, if he didn't pass the O.W.L., he'd have no qualification in History of Magic. I don't think Hogwarts would be like "oh, you understand the information, so you don't have to do the exam that's the only thing accepted if you are applying for a job that requires History of Magic". Surely, if he tested well, he'd be more encouraged to keep on the subject even if it HAD BEEN optional.

Plus, if he's done different history, I doubt he'd pass the exam anyway, since the exams would surely be on what was taught at Hogwarts. And he couldn't pass the O.W.L. unless he knew the stuff that the Ministry approved course focused on. Just knowing history in general is no good if you can't pass the O.W.L. in it, because you are not going to have any qualification. And would he be allowed to take it for the N.E.W.T.S. if he hadn't taken an O.W.L. in it? From Half Blood Prince, it sounds as if entry to N.E.W.T. level courses is based on your result in that subject in the O.W.L.S. Can't imagine a student being allowed to take a N.E.W.T. level course without having even done the O.W.L.

And the way Nate was educated sounds really interesting.

I also wonder what use extra credit is in a system where students gain their qualification by doing an external exam. It does sound as if they have to pass their summer tests to progress to the next year, so I guess if you were really in danger of failing, it might be some use, but it's not going to improve their performance in the N.E.W.T.S, since they appear to be set by the Ministry and Mr. Summers would have no say in the grading of that.

Yup, Dillon is a vampire. Summers's description of them seems to fit with what Dillon was talking about.

And I suspect that he can somehow get blood when the rabbits bite somebody. I'm not sure how, but I've a feeling that sustains him somehow.

I think it is interesting that being bitten by a vampire doesn't appear to turn somebody into one in this story and doesn't even appear to be that big a deal. It fits with the wizarding world though, where part-humans are often more discriminated against than anything else. And of course the great thing about vampires in the Potterverse is that we don't know much about them, so you are free to characterise them a number of different ways. If there even are vampires in this story, which hasn't yet been confirmed.

I do find it interesting though, that Mr. Summers seems more pro-vampire than Hermione's book, when Hermione is the great campaigner for minority rights. And what we have seen of possible vampires seems a bit scary. So maybe Mr. Summers has some particular reason for being pro-vampire. Hmm, I'm now a bit suspicious of him, especially as you brought him in specially, though of course, that could just be to have a competent History of Magic teacher. It's not as if they'd be likely to learn anything useful off Binns, so if you wanted History of Magic to help them solve the mystery, you might have needed somebody a bit more competent.

And this whole concept of ghouls/thralls is interesting. It sounds like Dillon's mum may have been that for him, if she wasn't a vampire herself. And maybe he is sort of "grooming" his "friends" to become that for him.

Oooh, I bet that comment about Wren being the spitting image of the thrall of Drakul is foreshadowing. Maybe Dillon IS sort of grooming her to become his thrall.

And *laughs* Rose dresses up as a character WE learnt about when WE studied myths in history class. We were way younger than your characters though - 8 and 9 years old. I don't know if you know the story of The Brown Bull of Cooley. It probably isn't that well-known outside Ireland. It's not one of the better Irish myths anyway.

And Wren is beginning to notice some of the strange things the rabbit is doing. Great. Maybe she'll start to get suspicious of it soon, unless it starts messing with her brain again, which seems likely. Well, maybe Albus will get suspicious.

Hmm, has Pince poisoned Summers or something. Not seriously; I doubt she's killed him or anything, but it does seem like she's deliberately given him something to make him pass out. I'm assuming Dillon, through the bunny, made her do that. Which kind of sheds doubt on my idea that he's involved with the vampires somehow.

Author's Response:

Hi again!

I'd imagine that if a student enters Hogwarts having been trained elsewhere, the faculty would have a means of placing the student based on their knowledge base. I figured that Nate would have taken placement exams in the subjects he was either required to take or interested in, and then placed accordingly. For the purpose of the story, I imagine that Nate has taken the equivalent of the OWL exams for the subjects that he is currently in, which could either be administered by the Ministry, or by another educational board that is in charge of minors being tutored outside of Hogwarts. The possibilities are endless. :)

As for the extra credit, I am imagining that it is used as an incentive for students, perhaps as a free pass for turning in assignments, or something of that nature. I doubt there is extra credit for passing the NEWT exams.

Dillon's method of sustaining himself has something to do with the rabbits. *nods* There's more of that later, if you're interested. I'm pretty sure that chapter isn't posted yet.

That's the great thing about vampires in HP. I get to make stuff up! Actually, I didn't. Unlike werewolves, which commonly spread their "condition" to anyone that they bite, it's a common belief in many mythos that vampires would have to drain their victims and then feed them vampire blood to revive/change them. Not sure that will have relevance in this story, but that's what I'm rolling with.

Hey, I'm glad someone recognizes Rose's costume! I dragged that out of the HP Lexicon, not sure of how popular it was. It sounded cool anyway. I'll have to look up that myth. I'm quite interested in myths of different cultures.

Wren is definitely becoming more aware. Yay!


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Review #13, by MargaretLane Losing Heart

13th April 2014:
Have you ever read Fangirl? It's got a character who's written a fanfiction involving a giant evil rabbit. And the fandom in which she's writing is sort of Harry Potter-like.

Hmm, I wonder what that sludge drink it and if it's got some kind of significance. And how exactly it is that he's "taken too much". I'm beginning to feel he and his mother and something not entirely human - vampires or something.

And I think I'm right about him not being as young as he seems. Of course, a few years could seem a long time if he is only 10 or 11, but the way he's talking about it as so long ago makes me think he's been around decades at least.

This idea of him looking younger than he is and the whole thing about blood is making me consider he could be a vampire, but then his mention of other wizards makes me wonder.

And is that wise old wizard Dumbledore? I'm guessing it was, in which case, Dillon MUST be older than he seems, as Dumbledore is now dead about 25 years. I'm also wondering why he didn't write back if that's the case. Even if Dumbledore couldn't accept him at Hogwarts, I think he'd write back.

Hmm and now I'm wondering if it's something else he's taking from people rather than blood.

And if his mother died as a result of whatever he does, I wonder if that means Wren could die as a result of their connection too.

I'm also wondering if Wren't other problems - her worry about Augusta, her anger about how her grandparents were treated, being forced to leave her home - plays a part in the rabbits affecting her more than Albus. She needs something to comfort her more. The comment about the other rabbit not bonding with Albus makes me think that maybe it requires something from the person, that they need to "let the rabbit in" so to speak.

Yeah, it seems like Smeed is helping her. But why does he do it the way her does, without explaining what is going on or warning her properly? And how does he KNOW about her rabbit and the effect it is having on her?

I really wonder what is causing that pain Albus has. That has to be connected too, possibly a result of his having a rabbit, but I don't see how or what the idea is.

Rose is being irritating here. I can see why Albus is annoyed.

You've really got Madame Pince in character.

Hmm, so the rabbit has charmed Madame Pince too. The fact that she had the same pain as Albus confirms its related to the rabbit, but it seems to have had a greater effect on her. That makes me think that either it only works on women (interesting that this is at least the third girl or woman it's worked on, but I don't think it's ever worked on a man) or else it feeds on something negative emotions. Wren is obviously quite stressed and unhappy even before the rabbit arrives and Madam Pince doesn't seem the happiest of people either, whereas Scorpius, James and Albus seem more secure. Even though Albus is worried about Wren and their relationship and stuff, he doesn't seem to have any serious issues.

Author's Response:

Hi! You're still here!! Yay!!!

Oh, you're going to get me started on that, are you? Alrighty. Yes, I have read Fangirl, by Rainbow Rowell (she's AWESOME!), and I LOVED it. I read it back in September of 2013, which was about nine months after I started this story. I was finished with my first draft, and well into the revision (more than halfway), and then I read THIS BOOK, with Harry Potter-like fanficion with an EVIL RABBIT!!!

I just want to clarify that I wrote that scene where Scorpius kicks the rabbit in the head months and months BEFORE I read that book.

Guess I'm not the only one who thinks rabbits are ripe for horror stories. Cute, fuzzy, innocent little things... Mine do not turn to stone, and there are no boat rides through underground rivers, and my characters will not resort to using swords. Just saying...

You've got some interesting observations on Dillon here. *nods* And some very good connections... I should give you cookies!

Madame Pince was so much fun!

You are awesome for these reviews! I hope I'm keeping you entertained!


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Review #14, by CambAngst Cross My Heart

12th April 2014:
Hi, pix! It's my catching up day!

Grrr... teenagers and the silly games they play. I get that there's an element of emotional hedging going on with Wren. She doesn't want to allow herself to believe there's potential between herself and Albus, only to have it yanked away if Albus capitulates to one of the gaggle of desperate girls who seem to follow him around. But that said, she's being kind of ridiculous. Great Merlin himself could tell her that Albus had a crush on her and she'd find some way to dismiss him.

needs to eat more fiber. -- Eww. Seriously, pix, that's gross. Just, eww...

Well, so much for Wren's schoolwork not slipping. Maybe it's just this one chapter, but at the moment it feels like Smeed's tea is starting to lose the battle with Bunny. I hope that's not the case.

Yep, definitely losing the battle. The rabbit just teleported across her room and all she thinks is, "Sure, you can tag along." Sigh.

I guess being a Vampire Rabbit Thrall is doing good things for Wren's self confidence, even if the price is rather high. Wow, I could instantly relate to Wren and Albus trying to sync up their schedules to lure his rabbit out of hiding. All that scene was missing was smart phones.

Ooh! So who is actually at Wren's Gram's old house? Dillon, perhaps? One of his thralls? All of these telepathic episodes are starting to get really concerning.

Seems like Albus isn't the only one who's kind of hopeless where members of the opposite sex are concerned. Scorpius's plan was awfully dumb. Almost Ron-worthy, from Ron's younger school years.

Just when I was starting to think that maybe James was getting over himself. Well, I guess Albus and Scorpius did provoke him by taking the map. And now he's taken it back. jinxing the soap was a clever ploy. Albus did not see that one coming.

Yay, I'm all caught up! When is Dillon coming to town? He has to be well on his way by this point. I want to see a showdown! Great chapter!

Author's Response:

You've pegged it right with Wren. She's not giving up her emotional security that easily. She just can't right now. It's doubtful that she's believe anyone except Albus, and he'd have to march right up to her and tell her in no uncertain terms himself... which right now doesn't seem all that likely. We'll see...

Hey, fiber is essential. Nate knows this firsthand. At least I skipped over the other essential bits of reality, like brushing teeth and showering... *reads on* Oh dear. Hmm.

See? See? Character growth through mind-numbing rabbit connections... Go Wren! And no smart phones in a Next Gen HP fic!!! Except if you're talking about Burns. LOL! Wow, I really messed this story up, didn't I?

Okay, so don't get too excited about that vision.. it was sort of a memory, but not Wren's. You should still be concerned.

Scorpius had a great plan, I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, I guess you wanted to see a plan that actually worked... well, don't rely on Scorpius for something like that. He's got *ideas*, see. And according to him, they're all brilliant. This is why Albus doesn't take his advice. But isn't this how people this age learn things? By watching everyone else do it the wrong way? I bet one of these characters is going to write a book, titled "How Not to Ask Someone Out". 1. Don't ask them out directly. 2. Ask someone ELSE out first. Just to see if you can get a date and practice all your stupid moves. 3. Talk to the person you're interested in, but don't say anything really relevant, because if they think you're interested, they might actually be interested back, and then you'll have to be honest with them, and where has that gotten anyone in this world?

It'll be a bestseller.

Dillon is coming, I promise! There will be a showdown. But, ermm... there's a bunch of chapters to this fic, so hopefully I can keep you entertained in the meantime.

Thank you so much for another lovely review!

And remember your daily fiber. :P


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Review #15, by CambAngst Guarded Hearts

12th April 2014:
Hello, pix! I confess that I read this chapter a few days ago and I'm only now getting around to writing this up. Such are the perils of gainful employment.

Wow. Wren seems to be caught in a bad loop, where she's getting enthralled by Vampire Bunny, then bouncing back on Smeed's herbal tea. It doesn't sound like a healthy cycle at all. I hope she soon realizes what's really happening. At least she seems pretty sure that James wasn't at fault. That's a good start.

Rose turned around, scrunching up her face so the freckles lined up straight across her nose. -- I don't know what it is about that description, but I instantly knew the look you were going for. Brilliant!

OK, on the one hand, I want to really dislike Ian and I want to be annoyed at Rose for being so foolish, but the line, "... impressed that he'd taken the time to read the source material from the chapter, because not everybody does that sort of thing, you know?" really took the edge off of my annoyance. You write a really amazing Rose. She has her mother's inclinations combined with her father's deadpan, humor-that-wasn't-actually-meant-to-be-funny humor.

Ha! There Wren's roommates go, bringing the awkward right back into Wren's relationship with Albus. On the one hand I want to applaud them for trying to make her look reality in the face. On the other, I want to smack them for not keeping quiet and just letting things play out naturally. You can be pretty sure that two people are going to end up in love with one another, but you don't have to be a know-it-all about it! By the way, I really like the way that Trudy seems to communicate mostly by finishing other people's sentences with slightly coarser language. Reminds me just a hair of Fred and George.

"That angly scratter thinks he's so... hold on. You had Wren in our room? Where was I when all the fun was going on?"

"Off somewhere with Platt, I guess. You completely missed all the fun of me cleaning the sick off my shoes... and you should have the house elves double wash your socks. Wren says she's sorry, by the way."
-- I think this just became my favorite back-and-forth dialog in the story so far. By the way, kudos on digging up "angly scratter". I had to look that one up to make sure I was allowed to quote it here.

And... somebody blows up a table during charms class. I feel like this should be known as The Seamus Finnegan Memorial Moment in all Next Gen fics. Nice to see it was that annoying jerk Ian. That should take him down a peg or two.

What the heck is wrong with Rose? Does she want to inventory the doorknobs in Ravenclaw Tower or something? Because she seems awfully intent on ending up there. Teenage girls...

Poor Wren! I really don't like this complex she's developing about Albus. Yeah, sure, she puked on his shoes. It happens. In college, that made a girl strong dating material. ;) At least she gets to take a bit of her frustration out on Ian.

This was a really good chapter for moving the non-Vampire Bunny-related plot lines forward. Not every chapter can be filled with demonically possessed leporidae that have an insatiable lust for blood. That said, I'm looking forward to getting back to that. Hopefully Wren and Albus can crack the code...

Author's Response: Hello, Dan! You know I don't mind if you take a while to come around here. Blood sucking rabbits are secondary to gainful employment. Definitely.

You know, this horrible loop she's in is really bugging me too. Those pesky story mechanics are really... pesky. Smeed's tea is great for some things, but doesn't "cure" the ailment. Which is bad for Wren, but it's good for the story. At least I think it's good.

Aww, thanks! Freckles.

Yeah, I guess I mentioned earlier that Ian's not really that BAD, but he acts badly under certain circumstances, and he doesn't know how to treat a girl, which is too bad for Rose. I'm glad you think Rose is amazing. Rose needs people to think she's amazing. She has this ego thing that needs feeding every once in a while or she starts feeling down about herself. I can only imagine what it was like, growing up with Ron as her father.

Yes, applaud then AND smack them. *shrug* What are you going to do? They're acting like... err... them. Trudy appreciates your compliment, by the way.

"angly scratter"... I'm not sure if that's an actual phrase. One of my betas suggested that it was a typo, and another one accused Scorpius of talking nonsense. But you know me. The more "out there" it is, the more I like it. :P

"Does she want to inventory the doorknobs in the Ravenclaw Tower or something?"

Bahahaha! Of course she does. Either that, or she's convinced she got sorted into the wrong House and just needs an excuse to hang out over there. Or maybe Gryffindor Tower doesn't have enough stairs for her?

You're right. Not every chapter can be filled with blood-lust rabbits. But don't worry. There's more of that to come! And yes, Albus and Wren will be a little wiser next time.

*crosses fingers*

Thanks for the wonderful review!


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Review #16, by MargaretLane Stone Hearted

11th April 2014:
YES, Wren, you should DEFINITELY tell someone about your headaches and losing your magic. As it is, I doubt anybody'd have the solution, but for all you know, it could be something quite minor that could be easily fixed. I can understand why she doesn't want to though. She seems really scared that it's something she's inherited from her grandparents, understandably, and it sounds as if she'd rather let it continue than have that confirmed. So I can understand her fear, but I still think she should tell somebody.

Maybe if Augusta begins to recover, it'll give her confidence, because she'll see mental health problems aren't necessarily incurable, so she might start thinking that even if this is something mental, it might well be possible to cure it.

*laughs at the strict policy on housing the undead*

And poor Wren. I'm not surprised the idea of ending up in St. Mungo's haunts her. Poor, poor girl.

Oh, that sentence about Albus visiting her if she loses her mind is so bleak.

And is it my imagination or is she becoming more...awake/aware of things now she's away from that rabbit. She seems to be able to focus on other things and question what is happening to her again, even though she's still getting headaches.

Oh, I didn't think of how the deaths of the Death Eaters could affect their condition. I guess I assumed their condition was a trauma reaction to extreme torture rather than a direct result of the spell, but that's an interesting idea.

I was sort of wondering how come they both died together. I guess this explains it. And I reckon it was the right choice, but gosh, what a decision to have to make. Poor Augusta.

I really like the way this story sort of explores the ethics of choosing to end another person's life, or just not prolong it. You never know when a cure might be found but then what if they were in pain all this time and had no chance of recovery? The latter seems likely if a cure wasn't found in 40 years. There are no easy answers and the story shows that. I'm just so sorry for everybody involved.

What does this guy know about her "new friend"? And if he knows something, why doesn't he warn her more directly?

No, I don't think Smeed poisoned Wren, but I do think he knows something. I'm beginning to think he might be "on the side of the angels" so to speak though. It seems like he's trying to help her. But if so, why doesn't he tell what he knows? If he knows anything, but that comment about her new friend indicates he does. I'm confused.

And gosh, that idea about Wren turning into a rabbit is interesting. I'd never have thought of that.

It does remind me of something that occurred to me a chapter or two back though and that I forgot to comment on and that's that maybe her panic attacks are caused by the rabbit being startled. Dillon said something about feeling the rabbit's panic when it's startled and when the rabbit seemed scared of the crowds at Hogwarts, Wren started shaking.

As regards not telling Wren, I think they made a mistake, but I can understand why they did it. After all, she may be sixteen now, but only a few short years ago, she was ten or twelve and it's hard to suddenly feel comfortable burdening somebody you've been in the position of protecting for so long. Must be even harder when it's your child and not a cousin or sibling or something. And while I'm sure she doesn't see it that way, sixteen IS still very young. I think it is old enough to be told, but whether I'd feel that if she were my child or grandchild is another matter.

Author's Response:
I had to make it believable that Wren would be reluctant to talk to someone about her problems/issues. I know it's something she SHOULD do, and under normal circumstances, she most likely would, but that would mess up my PLANS... so I have to continue torturing her and making her second guess things until those other things roll out.

I'm so mean.

At the same time, she is becoming more aware of what's happening to her.

For that issue, there really are no easy answers. It can be right and wrong all at the same time. I'm glad you appreciate the struggle that these characters have to deal with.

Yeah, why doesn't he just tell her what's going on? What's wrong with you, Smeed??

Okay, I can definitely confirm that Wren feels what her rabbit feels, to a certain extent. So you're reading into that correctly.

It IS difficult to judge whether a child is ready, or capable of dealing with such a hard hitting issue as that. It was Augusta who had the final say in it, and she's several generations removed from Wren. Tough things to discuss at any age.


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Review #17, by MargaretLane Hearts and Spades

11th April 2014:
It's occurred to me that Augusta's comment about "it" not being finished with her yet may have some significance. Somehow the phraseology gives me the distinct impression that whatever is wrong with her isn't just the result of grief after the deaths of her son and daughter-in-law (who she really lost about 40 years before anyway) or hopelessness that they can now never recover or stress from worrying about them all those years. Somehow the way she phrased it makes it sound like something outside her, not something caused by how she's feeling. I guess grief or depression COULD feel that way to somebody, but I suspect that sentence means something. I don't think she's just suffering from grief anyway; it'd be too much of a coincidence and the way she phrased that fits better with something else.

I'm actually getting the impression she knows more than anybody else. Maybe if she recovers fully, she'll be able to help solve what's going on. The fact that she appears to have circled those symptoms indicates she was looking into them and her comment indicates some kind of understanding, if only on an emotional level, of what is happening to her.

Hmm, two things have occurred to me as to why Albus's rabbit isn't having the same effect on him. The first is that he wasn't given it directly by Dillon. That may make it different. The other is that it may only work on girls and women for some reason. So far, I don't think we've seen him manipulate a man with a rabbit.

Or of course, having read on a bit further, maybe one of the wards he used worked.

Hmm, this difficulty with her magic is odd, especially as it doesn't seem to affect her ability to brew potions. That seems to indicate it's related to her wand. Or maybe the magic needed for potion brewing is different, as a lot of it is the ingredients.

And yikes, that dream sounds really scary. It makes sense she'd feel that way though.

Author's Response:

I do mean to pick up more on Augusta later in the story, but it will be much later from here, and that part isn't posted yet. I just can't leave her in the state she's in for the whole story. That would be cruel.

Yes, Wren's still having issues, and Albus doesn't seem to be affected by his rabbit. More on that later too.

I don't want Wren's dreams. *shudders*


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Review #18, by MargaretLane Heart To Handle

10th April 2014:
I always love seeing new professors. And Professor Ackerly seems nice, stopping people making fun of Wren.

The word "intern" sounds a bit American to me. I'm not actually sure what the English DO call student teachers. I assume just student teachers, but I could well be wrong about that. And this guy has GOT to be better than Binns. At least he recognises myths and legends as the significant historical sources they are. I have a rant about Binn's dismissal of myth in Chamber of Secrets.

And it's just like Hermione to write a history book.

I wonder how come Dillon didn't get sorted at the start of the year. I'm assuming he is starting this year.

I wonder where Nate went to school for his first few years and why he transferred. Transferring from one boarding school to another isn't really necessary, particularly with the forms of travel the wizarding world has. And his name sounds English, although I guess he could be American or Australian or something. Hmmm.

That "testing out" doesn't sound quite right. I mean he's either going to do a N.E.W.T. in the subject or he isn't. If he is, then I'd imagine he'd take the classes, especially as he could hardly have covered a two year course in a summer anyway. And if he isn't going to take the N.E.W.T., then he wouldn't need to test out because it wouldn't be something he'd need anyway. It sounds as if all subjects are optional at N.E.W.T. level.

I was half wondering if Nate could BE Dillon in another guise, but since we are getting a section about Dillon towards the end of the chapter, probably not.

I'm really wondering if Dillon is controlling the rabbits or they are controlling HIM. In some ways, he seems sort of like a victim too.

I'm also intrigued by the way he talks about "the magicks" rather than "magic". When he was talking to Wren, I kind of thought he was putting it on to seem cute and ignorant, so she wouldn't get suspicious he knew more than he was letting on, but he's doing it in his head too.

Author's Response:
In Next Gen, there have to be new professors, right?

I have no idea what student teachers are called officially in Britain. I suppose I could ask someone about that. And yes, I agree that any living instructor would be better than a ghost. I'm glad you approve of his myths and legends curriculum. I thought that would be fun!

Dillon's not quite at Hogwarts yet. He didn't get on the train. Not sure if you got to that part of the story yet. Now I'm lost in my scenes...

There's more on Nate later. He's not a typical "transfer student", and his previous education hasn't been all that "traditional". Point taken on your thoughts of "testing out". The set up works for the story, so I'm rolling with it.

Interesting thoughts on Nate and Dillon being connected...

More interesting theories!


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Review #19, by MargaretLane Big as Hearts

10th April 2014:
Hmm, that comment about "it's not done with me yet" is a little weird. I REALLY think Augusta has been experiencing something similar to Wren and that that was why she circled those words in the book.

I'm wondering if there's some connection between the rabbit being gone and Augusta beginning to improve. But she was ill before the rabbit arrived so I don't see how there can be. I'm confused. That's probably how I'm meant to be though and it probably means the revelation to this isn't something too obvious.

Hmm, I'm also suspicious of Smeed, though I'm not sure why.

Author's Response:
I really hope that the revelation won't be obvious. Otherwise, I will have failed. Ahh!! The pressure!

On the other hand, I hope you won't be disappointed either. Ahhh! The pressure!!!

Heheh. Anyway, there should be more answers in the next few chapters. I can't keep up the smoke and mirrors for too long, or it will end up frustrating people too much.

Smeed... he's fun.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts about what you think might be going on. This is great fun!


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Review #20, by MargaretLane Distant Hearts

10th April 2014:
That line about how having the rabbit around had made her life come into focus is a bit creepy. It's like she's obsessed or something. I mean, obivously pets need you, but this seems rather more than that; like her life has no meaning apart from it or something.

I must say this wasn't exactly what I expected when I posted the challenge. *laughs* That's not a criticism, just a comment on the originality and unexpectedness of this story. Whatever is wrong with her doesn't exactly seem to be a normal illness, even by the standards of the wizarding world, where normal can include the effects of a curse, lycanthropy, poisonous potions and so on.

It is clear she's not feeling well though. Poor girl.

And while it SHOULD be good that the rabbit is helping her forget everything that's upsetting her, I REALLY don't think it is. I've a feeling it's sort of a way of making her dependent ont he creature. Why exactly anybody should WANT her dependent on it though, I'm not sure.

It is possible, of course, that a curse plays some part here - I wouldn't be surprised at all - but I think it's still rather more complicated than somebody just casting a jinx or something.

Ahh, if Dillon's mother's journal is so old, that kind of implies he's nowhere near as young as he appears. Of course, we can't know how late witches can have children, but still, combined with the fact he was hanging around London on his own and that he seems to be consulting her journal to find out what she'd say rather than talking to her (which implies to me she might be dead), I suspect he's a whole lot older than he appears.

I also wonder if he's really a wizard. I don't know what else he could be and he is obviously magic in some way. But the way he talks about a wizarding school implies it belongs to a world he isn't personally part of.

And his connection with the rabbits is weird. It sounds like he is using them to befriend people, but not in an ordinary friendly way, more like he's trying to mind-control people into being his friends or something.

In a way, there is something, not sympathetic - he's way too creepy - but something about him that doesn't seem entirely evil, between his talk about making all the friends he wants and his reference to losing somebody too. It's like he's gone insane from loneliness or something and wants other people to share his world, no matter how unpleasant a place it is, a bit like those horror stories about child ghosts, who try to cause the deaths of living children so they'll have somebody to play with.

I'm not sure what he is, but I wonder if he's something like that - some kind of creature that can't fully participate in our world, so wants to drag some people into his.

Author's Response:
Hello!!

I haven't chased you away with my weirdness yet? It is so good to see you sticking with the story. I love your postulations and guesses and tying things together. Clearly, she's not feeling good. But I can assure you, it's NOT pregnancy. :P

I love your guesses about Dillon and how he fits into the story with the rabbits. You have some very insightful observations here, again, which I cannot specifically comment on yet. But I adore the idea about him not being "sympathetic", but also not "entirely evil". That's exactly the feel I was going for, so I am exceedingly pleased with that description!



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Review #21, by MargaretLane Hearts and Minds

10th April 2014:
There is something really odd going on here. Even though I'm assuming the rabbit is in some way connected with Wren's weird symptoms, I can't ignore the fact that things seem to have begun before that. That strange light in the first chapter has to be relevant and Augusta having circled those symptoms probably happened before that too. I'm also wondering if Augusta's own breakdown and possibly even those of Alice and Frank are relevant. It seems like a lot of the Longbottoms are having some form of breakdown and if Augusta had been experiencing those symptoms before she got seriously ill, it would explain why she'd circled them. But that would mean it'd be unlikely the rabbit is causing things. *ponders*

Poor Wren. Between her grandmother's breakdown, leaving the home she knew and now all this, she IS having a rough time. And it must be scary, wondering if she is going to "turn into Gran".

Aw, poor Albus, blaming himself for Rose and Scorpius's animosity.

Author's Response:
Yes, there was this strange thing about the timing of everything. It sort of confuses the issues involved, and I sort of did that on purpose... *cough* Since I'm a fan of the "not so obvious", it worked in my head. *hides from rotten fruit*

Besides the rabbit thing, Wren does have real issues. I didn't want her to go through the whole story without having to deal with actual problems... firstly, because it adds depth to the character, and secondly, I'm bored when there's not enough going on.

Thanks for continuing to read and postulate!


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Review #22, by MargaretLane Cold Toes, Warm Heart

10th April 2014:
There's definitely something somewhat ominous about all these rabbits popping up all over the place. I'm not a great fan of rabbits anyway. *laughs* But that's not why I'm suspicious of them here. It's more that the keep popping up in every chapter, are sort of associated with Dillon, who's a bit odd and the title of the story includes the word "rabbit", which kind of implies they've some significance.

I guess what you mentioned about Wren not feeling well is part of it too. Has me wondering if it's after the rabbits appear, she starts feeling unwell and if they play some part in that.

Aw, Albus seems kind.

And her mind fills with a fog when she's thinking of taking photos of the rabbit. I'm getting the impression it's making her obsessed with it or something.

Author's Response: Hi!

Yes, there definitely is some weird going on with the rabbits. I'm impartial to them myself, but they seem so cute and cuddly... though, have you ever tried cuddling a rabbit? Haha!

Obsession is a good word for it. You have some interesting observations. I can't wait to see what you think of the next few chapters. :)


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Review #23, by ohmymerlin Cold Toes, Warm Heart

9th April 2014:
Hello! I am so sorry for the ridiculous wait on this! My life just decided to pile everything on at the moment! :(

But I'm here now, so there's no harm done! :D

Okay, so you asked if I felt if I lost any threads. So far, no I haven't. I got a bit confused because I didn't realise it had been six weeks since Wren and Al and stuff had all seen each other but that may have been because it's been a while since I read the last chapter and I've forgotten (which is highly likely as I have the memory of a goldfish :p)

The plot hasn't gotten too involved, don't worry! The expansion feels quite natural and I'm so curious as to why Wren has this bizarre connection with the rabbit! And how is it going to become the world's worst nightmare? Questions, questions! :p

I did notice one little thing though. It's only minor:

"Your let your hair grow," he said with a quirky smile.

The first word should be just be 'you' ;)

Other than that, though, everything was great! I loved how you wrote Al's dramatic growth spurt! Growing up with a brother and many male relatives, that is super accurate! One day they're extremely short, the next they're towering over everyone, haha! :p

Anywho, this was a wonderful chapter! Sorry again about the delay!

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response:

Ahh! Cookies for the leftover typo!!! All fixed. Thanks!

Oh good! Lost threads haunt my sleep like leftovers on the counter overnight. I've had that confusion pointed out to me before, specifically in this section, but that person had been away from the story for a while as well, so I don't know if it's the actual time lag, or the lag between readings... a conundrum, since fixing it would be like using a sledgehammer. I don't know quite how to finesse that. But since you're the second person to point it out, it's worth looking into again.

I am quite relieved that Albus' growth spurt seemed believable. It happens. I just didn't want it to be like he'd taken a growth potion or anything. ;)

Thanks so much for the lovely review!! I think I shall request again soon!


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Review #24, by Rumpelstiltskin Have a Heart

9th April 2014:
Hey there! Sorry about the delay, there was a minor and unexpected emergency that had to be dealt with. Onwards!

Plot/plot arch: I really enjoyed the way this began, with a mysterious light that captured Wren's full attention and wonderment. I may be speculating here, but I'm going to make the assumption that this light has an important role in the story (and I cannot wait to see what that is). You did a very good job at building in humorous aspects via natural conversation, as it was very subtle (for example, the mildly embarrassing comment on the clean-status of Wren's undergarments). The interactions in this opening scene was fabulous, and gods know I love dialogue -- especially when it's fantastic dialogue like this.

The section involving Gran and Alice and Frank Longbottom was extremely interesting. The medical ideas to solving Alice and Franks condition, as well as providing Gran with nothing but "more time" was extremely fitting. It was not only interesting, but it provided some background information that ties this back to the familiar, which was very nice. It was also a fantastic idea, though sad, to say that by losing Gran, Wren lost a piece of herself as well. That's a congruent feeling among many people when losing loved ones.

Packing is never a fun experience, especially when it involves packing the belongings of a dead person. I can just picture all of the old-timey purses and mounted fanged gerbil heads -- all musty and antique-looking of course -- with perhaps fine layers of dust over some of the lesser used items. You've managed once more to intertwine some humor into this scene, which was very much appreciated.

I found Wren's counterpoint to "it's only a house" very level-headed. Everything is only what it is (well, typically), but that doesn't mean people can't form natural emotional attachments to them.

The bunny must have a great deal to do with the story, considering the name and the fact that the mysterious light came and swept the bunny away. That's very interesting, and a very mean (though brilliant) place to end a chapter! Cliffhangers!

Characterization: Wren -- A photographer, that's interesting in itself. She likes to capture images of real-life occurrences and perhaps either has an appreciation for beauty or the bizarre (or both). Her distraction with the mysterious light speaks to her possible sense of curiosity and even adventure. Some of the indirect characterization, especially of Wren being able to tell somebody off with her eyes was also extremely helpful in deducing the puzzle that is an OC. Her connection to the house isn't just because of the house, I'm assuming, but more of the memories that the house holds for her. There is a great deal of delicious character details in this chapter, and of course this is only the first chapter, so there will be additional characterization along the way.

--Albus: He seems like a great friend. So far, I really like his personality. I find it intruiging that he's the only one that isn't subject to Wren's wrath. There must be something to that.

--Rose: She's a spunky one, and she certainly makes me laugh. Fantastic job.

Detail: You've added a lovely amount of detail in this. It's enough to give me room to explore the setting with guidance and my imagination, but doesn't overpower the story. Perfect!

Style/Emotion: One of the things that I enjoyed most about your style was your dialogue-tag relationships, or rather lack thereof. Instead of constantly having a dialogue and tag, you surround the dialogue with character actions that give the reader indication as to who is speaking. That's highly unusually in many of the stories I've read on this site, and absolutely wonderful. On the emotion side, Wren's emotions felt real in this and were completely understandable. She was not only losing her Gran and her grandparents, but also her home. That's a lot to deal with for a young girl.

Notes/other: I've actually wanted to read this for a while now, so I'm really glad that I was able to get at least a chapter in!

Spectacular job!

-Rumpel

Author's Response:

No worries over the delay. I'm just glad you're here!

Lots of people I talk to say that the first chapter is easy to write. They're all excited about the story, and it just flows right out of their brain. For me, the first chapter is excruciatingly difficult to get right. Maybe it's because I overthink it too much, or maybe it's because every time I write something longer than a one-shot, I always end up rewriting the first chapter when I'm done. Several times.

I love natural conversational dialogue. I love it when someone thinks that I've succeeded in it too! :)

Dealing with Augusta and the Longbottoms seemed like a great place to start. I haven't read very many fics that dealt with them in the future, and I was insanely curious about what their lives might be like. I'm glad you liked the humor that I threw into the packing scene. Overall, it turned out much heavier than I wanted it, but I didn't want to downplay the effect it had on Wren.

Yay for characterization! It's hard to get people interested in an OC, unless you give them something to connect with. I'm also happy that the details weren't too overbearing. I don't like cluttering up my story with stuff that doesn't matter, so it's good that you felt there was enough small stuff thrown in there to give you a clear setting.

Thanks for coming by and trying out my new-ish story! And thanks for the wonderful review!!



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Review #25, by MargaretLane Trusting Hearts

7th April 2014:
Hmm, I can't help wondering if there's something more to Augusta's, and Frank and Alice's, condition than meets the eye in this. It seems kind of coincidental she'd be experiencing similar symptoms to them.

Hmm, I wonder who this child is and what is going on. My immediate thought was that he was a wizarding child and therefore a Muggle policeman wouldn't be able to find his parents, but I suspect there's a little more to it than that.

If he pretended to be what everybody thought him to be? I wonder what he is really. That is intriguing.

Hmm, so some of what he's telling her is true at least.

Author's Response:

Wow! Three Hmms in one review! I guess you're still actively thinking. I hope that's a good thing...

Hey, that's a great theory about Augusta's condition tied in to Frank and Alice's condition. No one else has mentioned that, and I'm not confirming or disputing the theory either. I guess you really are thinking. :)

Dillon doesn't lie outright. But that doesn't mean that he can't be sneaky.

Thanks for coming back to chapter two! In regards to your challenge, the "not feeling well" issue with my MC basically spans the entire story, it's what the plot revolves around, and a lot of the plot is set up "mystery style". I don't know if that's what you were looking for in your challenge, but there it is.

Thanks for giving this story a chance!

Pix


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