Reading Reviews for Rabbit Heart
  
191 Reviews Found

Review #1, by tangledconstellations 1. Have a Heart

28th July 2015:
Hey there!

I'm popping over with your requested review from the forums ♥

So I've never actually come across this story before, so it was really exciting approaching this first chapter with totally fresh eyes, as I really didn't know what to expect. Lots of things grabbed my attention: the title, the banner, the names of the chapters. Instantly, this fic felt cohesive and well put together, and that was even before I started reading the first chapter! The reason I mention this is because I thought it was interesting that one of your areas of concern was that cohesion was what your fic was lacking. I totally know what you mean when you've edited a story lots and you're familiar with how the story unravels in your mind but you're unsure whether the reader will follow it too. It suddenly gets really difficult trying to make sure things do make sense! But - in this first chapter alone (as I've yet to read on) - things were really clear. I hope I can put your mind at ease a little about that! This was a really strong start to your fic and for me - a new reader! - I feel confident in what you've shared in this chapter so far.

Okay, I'll go into some more detail. I really liked the way you introduced your characters and the way this doesn't come across as an average happy-cheery Next-Gen fic. Your own style is present throughout all of this and it's really great to recognise, especially so early on into a fic. In my opinion, that's the mark of a really good writer - they're able to make their story their own! The way you set up the backdrop to this fic was nice. The fact that you haven't said outright what situation Wren is in and it's sort of drip-fed throughout the chapter is really effective, as that sets up the pace of the fic and thus the tone - which again is accentuated through your writing itself (the lovely way you linger on descriptions, you describe things so clearly, things like that). You didn't force any information on the reader, you didn't info-dump anywhere - everything felt balanced and in a way your voice as the writer was the one that was very much in control.

What's really nice is the way a relationship between the reader and your characters (though mainly Wren - as she is the mc) is already solidified by the end of this chapter. We understand what kind of person she is, her interests (photography, yay! I loved that, btw! It wasn't just thrown in for the heck of it - you somehow managed to convince me that she has the absolute psyche of a photographer!), her friendships, the sorts of ways she thinks. We got to see her having fun but we also saw a more tender side - how she is when she's upset, and the things that are currently making her upset. That all contributed to the readers understanding of the story. The same could be said for Albus too to some extent - we were able to see a lot of him, and so understood their relationship a lot better. I like the way he's a little aloof and a bit clumsy (perhaps not actually clumsy, but in his demeanour, if you know what I mean?), but he's really well-meaning. He feels really fresh!

The story itself (so far) is really interesting. Although you haven't revealed lots and lots just yet, you have given me enough to keep me keen on reading more. I feel like I want to know what's going on with Wren's grandmother - I want to understand this family difficulty that's arising. I also feel so bad for Wren moving out of her house - it's funny, I'm moving out of my flat this weekend and it's so sad, but it means I'm able to fully understand how she's feeling right now! But yes, you've balanced the plot and intrigue just-so here. Especially those final short paragraphs! I thought that was awesome, with the little rabbit disappearing. In a way, it was a very out-of-the-blue thing to happen, but I liked it. It made me think of Alice in Wonderland - and now I'm wondering how strange things might get for Wren. So at this point I have a lot of questions, but I also feel sufficiently satisfied with the info you have given me, if that makes sense. I feel quite on-the-ball with this fic and don't feel as though there is anything in particular that has left me confused. I'm excited for where this story is going to go - and just, yes, everything was clear to me here :)

I really really do hope I was able to address your main concerns here! I thought this was a fantastic first chapter and it seems your rewrite must have been successful as this was a brilliant read. Let me know if there is anything you want me to go into more detail about - but honestly, this was great. You've got such a lovely writing style and to me this chapter feels very strong. Brilliant stuff :)

Laura xxx

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Review #2, by Roisin 8. Hearts and Spades

27th July 2015:
I was on your page and all, so I thought I'd get more rabbit :)

Oh man shoe-communicators! Ah! That was brilliant and fun to read :D

AHA! So it seems like, from what you have here, that Albus hasn't been bitten by the bunny yet, so it hasn't been able to put him in a bunny-trance thing? That's at least my guess for why he's still normal right now.

Wren's weirdness is brilliantly played in this sequence. Just strange enough to make Albus feel awkward and confused, but not so strange that he gets suspicious and thinks something's up. And his preoccupation with his crush on her sets a believable distraction from what might be going on with her--since he's more worried about what she feels about him than what she's feeling more generally.

'Merry Merfolk' is BRILL by the way!

The descriptions throughout this chapter are really ace :) I especially love all the detail about the darkroom. You do a great job of making it realistic yet magical.

'She didn't think such a little animal could jump that high or move that fast'--oof. She's reflecting on this as though it's cute, but it does NOT BODE WELL, METHINKS.

Also, I really commend you on making the last lines of the chapter super creepy and scary, even though ostensibly, you're only describing cuteness.

Man, this really is kind of a perfect story. Every single element is so well done--the writing is balanced and flawless, the characters are compelling, and the tone is amazing.

Author's Response:

More Rabbit!

I could not pass up on the shoe communicator thing. It's a thing. I had to do it.

That's absolutely correct. There are bites and then things go bad. Albus was intentionally careful about that sort of thing, since his rabbit was already hostile when he got him.

I am so glad that Wren's behavior makes sense in that scene. It was revised to tighten it up, and I think it portrays what's going on much clearer, along with giving Albus a reason not to delve to deeply into what's going on with her. Pleased, I am!

Haha, fun names!

Well of course it's a cute bunny, how could you suspect anything else? Oh, but I think I've just found my new tag line for this: what do you think about "cuteness kills" ? I may have to use that somewhere... *thinks dark thoughts*

Aww, thanks! I worked hard on bringing the elements together to make this what it is. My muse rebelled so hard against the fluff content of this, and looking back on it, there really isn't THAT much fluff going on, but still.

My brain and I have this endless loop of a conversation all the time:

"Stop with the cute fluffy stuff, it makes me sick."

"But I like cute fluffy stuff."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, yes I do. Like with chocolate and marshmallows, and fluff..."

"Chocolate is an essential nutrient. And marshmallows, we just won't talk about those... stop it, you're embarrassing me!"

Ahh, maybe I'm not allergic to angst as I first thought. Maybe I'm allergic to FLUFF??!? Oh, the horror!!

Anyway, tone. I'm glad you're enjoying the tone. It gave me fits, not wanting to present itself for a while, and a few times I thought I had lost it, along with my mind. But that's all over with. I'm all better, and so is the tone. :) Thanks!

Pix


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Review #3, by ScorpiusRose17 5. Distant Hearts

26th July 2015:
Hi there! I am here with your review!! I have read the first five chapters and I want to start off by saying that this is truly well written. I loved how full the story is and its twists and turns.

In Chapter 1 I felt awful for Wren for having to leave the only home she has known. I remember feeling the same way when I was younger and thought you did a great job of portraying those emotions. A couple of things I did notice in that chapter were these: When Hannah is talking to Wren about going to see Gran... "Neville and I are going to see Gran." If she is talking to Wren then wouldn't it be "Dad and I are going to see Gran" ? Also, I ran into some confusion about when Hannah was talking to Ginny just before Wren says she wants to go see Gran and that her friends will be alright the sentence says..."Well I can't say I was expecting this..." It almost seems like Hannah was trying to say that she was expecting it, but I was confused so I figured I would bring it up.

As for Chapter 2, I really liked this chapter as well. We find out more about what the Longbottoms are going through, what Wren is dealing with,and what poor Gran is dealing with. I will be entirely honest when I say that I didn't realize that Frank and Alice's funerals were what happened in the first chapter when James says "Nice funeral Mrs. L." We are introduced to Dillon in this chapter and I must say that I got a really funny feeling about this guy as soon as she started to walk across the street to him. And he just happened to be carrying a basket full of bunnies around with him...I will tell you right now I was so relieved when I found out they were bunnies because my mind totally thought it was worse than that. Wren does show a bit of naivety when it comes to this boy. The whole thing screams don't and she totally goes for it. I am not sure where this is headed, but I am biting my nails.

Chapter 3: This was the chapter of flying time. I have it out for this bunny...he is pulling some weird things here. I love all the twists you've taken the time to evolve and develop. This time warp is a bit confusing at first because it sort of throws you off guard. Like how could that happen? I also really enjoyed Nellie. She was fun and sassy. I loved her honesty! Even at Wren's expense it was nice to see that someone was watching out for Wren. I felt so awful for Albus! He just wants to be with her and she isn't catching on.

Chapter 4: I liked seeing all of the personalities of her friends and the internal struggle of Albus and his feelings. Poor guy! I also really enjoyed how Albus was determined to not allow James continue to jinx him. James... yeah he's awesome! :) I almost wish Wren would voice her feelings the tension between her and Albus is insane at how it comes through a computer screen. One spot I did notice in the ice cream shop and talking about Lily not coming you had a confusing sentence... "Even thought she got along with Wren" Did you mean 'Even though she got along with Wren...' ? Other than that I didn't see anything else confusing.

Chapter 5: James is taking a bunny home to Albus... Oh my! This Dillon guy has me on the edge of my seat with how he is acting and giving out magic mind tricking bunnies to random people...this cannot be good. I am glad that Wren got more photo stuff for her birthday too and she took advantage in checking Albus out! Hahahaha!

Overall, awesome story so far! I love how cohesive the story is the only couple of confusing things I felt were really not knowing who the funeral was for in the first chapter, but you did find out in the second one. Other than that and the sentences that were confusing were truly it. I love the characters, their banter and the way they carry on. I am worried about this Dillon guy and his bunnies and Hogwarts. The suspense is intense!

Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to read and review your story! Please stop by the thread and request for the next five chapters!! :)
That way I can keep track easier!

-ScorpiusRose17

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks so much for doing this sweeping review thing. It really helps when someone reads a few chapters before commenting, because I get a sense for how things are playing out in the story better.

Ack! I'll squash that typo straight away. Thanks for pointing that out to me!

I can see how a word tweak would smooth over Hannah's part in chapter one. That makes sense. I've gotten comments on the confusion between Gran and Frank and Alice before, but I think for now I will leave it since you seem to be clear in chapter two. If I figure out how to give a short shout out to it in chapter one, I'll go back later and add it in. Hehe, bunnies! Because bunnies aren't dangerous at all...

Ah yes, another typo, but at least that's an easy fix. I'm glad you like these characters and you have the right vibe about Dillon. I would love to stop by for another set of chapters.

Thanks again!

Pix


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Review #4, by RavenclawFTW 28. Reflections of the Heart

26th July 2015:
Hey! I'm here for the requested review. So I read through the whole story (well, everything that you've posted), and it was phenomenal. Seriously, one of the best, most thought-out, well-written stories I've read on the archives. You asked to see if there were confusing elements and if the plot made sense. I thought the plot was incredibly well-done and drawn out, with a great balance of suspense, foreshadowing, and reveal. The details all fell into place over time, and you did a great job not just thinking up an intriguing and interesting plot, but putting that plot into the story with your hints and descriptions. I love how you use POV to switch around and reveal what's going on, but without explicitly stating everything outright. You leave some of it up to the readers to understand it and put everything together.

That being said, there were a few issues that stuck out to me so I'd like to highlight them now. I do this because otherwise the story was so compelling and tight, and I hope it doesn't seem overly critical. I was really caught up in the story myself, but a few tiny things stuck out to me.

I think Wren is a wonderful character, and she's definitely well defined throughout. That said, throughout the story, I felt myself wishing that I knew more about what she was like before this whole bunny business began (that was a lot of fun to type hahaha). You have other characters say things along the lines of "Wren is acting funky, not like how she used to be" and some overarching descriptions of ways she's changed, but I wish I could see more about that. I don't know the best way to do that, because including memories can be awkward to work in, but I felt like there was a lot of people just stating what she was like before this without really fleshing that out or showing the reader what that means. This feels especially true of her relationship with Albus to me, although Wren does talk a bit about topics she brought up with him (eg her fear of zombies). As a reader, I felt like I was being consistently reminded that they want it to be like how they were before everything, but I didn't feel like I had a very clear sense of what that really meant. It would've helped me contextualize the effect of Bunny on her.

Going off of that, it seemed odd that Rose wasn't more concerned about Wren this whole time. She repeatedly insists that she's Wren's best friend, but she seems more boy obsessed than worried about her friend, and then acts offended that Wren didn't talk to her. Albus took her odd behavior more seriously and it made me wonder a lot about Rose's character. She just comes off a tiny bit self-absorbed, but maybe that's what you were going for. It made me a bit confused about her relationship with Wren, though.

Something else I felt a little unclear on was how much time has passed in this story at all. The summer obviously flies by Wren very quickly, but I was often confused by how much of the school year has happened. There was a reference to canceling the November Hogsmeade trip, so it's before November, but throughout the story I was pretty confused by the passage of time, especially because it seems like there are few references to their school commitments beside the history classes (and some Charms mentions). I think if you included a few references more explicitly that could be helpful (I know there are oblique references, like how the practice sneaks up on Wren and how she goes home several times, but those are woven into the story so that they didn't stick out much as I tried to understand the setting at the beginning of sections).

Moving right along...I am very confused by James and Albus's relationship. Maybe this is something that you'll go into in further depth in the coming chapters, but as a reader, I was very, very frustrated by James's behavior because it felt cruel rather than amusing. Everybody seems to think highly of James and are surprised by his actions towards Albus, and I didn't really feel like there were clear motives for his actions/changed behavior. It seems like somebody would have intervened given his actions (and I know Albus says his charms wear off before he can show them to somebody, but it seems like the persistence of his actions should eventually catch up to him?). I dunno, it's hard for me to believe that he's nice/kind/good given how outright cruel his actions towards Al are, and how many precautions Al takes to fight back.

I was also quite thrown by everybody's reactions towards Al and Wren being out after curfew. Given how safe the Wizarding World seems to be after the Wars, it seems like many students would take the rules lightly and curfew wouldn't be that big of a deal to break. It felt a little confusing that everybody was so intense about it and that it earned three detentions. Maybe that's more to do with my own interpretations/head canons, but that just felt a severe overreaction, especially because it's Wren's first infraction and they weren't caught out of bounds or anything (like out on the grounds or something). That all just felt a little weird and off when I was reading through it.

Other small things.in the last chapter, James used a stunning spell. In canon, that knocks a person out, rather than pinning them to floor as Al was. In this chapter, during Rose and Scorpius's exchange, there were several missing quotation marks.

Okay, I think those were most of my concerns! Sorry this became a novel, and sorry that they were a little nit-picky. This is seriously an awesome story and I'm so excited to see where it goes. You've done a marvelous job so far! :)

--J

Author's Response:

Hi hi!

Thank you so much for reading through the whole thing and giving me the low down on the major arcs. This was exactly what I was looking for in feedback. I don't know how much I'm willing to adjust at this point, or whether I will simply take your feedback and apply it to future writing, but please know that I am so grateful for this, since most people review chapter by chapter and never seem to comment on the overall effect of things.

Wren: I KNOW! I have been struggling with this exact thing of showing Wren before the change so people can get an idea of her before Bunny. I thought seriously about the first chapter, and I rewrote it from what I had before to include more of Wren. I don't know if it holds up enough though. For the sake of character development, I almost wanted to take the story and start it earlier, but for the sake of plot development, that didn't make sense. Sooo... I suppose my options would be either more references to the past, or flashbacks, neither of which presented as good options during the scenes while I was writing. I suppose I can read through the story with this issue in mind and see if anything pops out at me now. It might be as simple as adding a small scene somewhere for Wren and/or Albus (actually, a reflective Albus scene might be better than a reflective Wren scene somewhere... hmm...) if I can find a good spot. Having read the story, if you think of anything, please let me know. I can certainly add a short scene without too much trouble if that's what may ground readers better.

Rose: I thought about this too, and I did make a few adjustments to her character from the last draft. She's absolutely self-centered, and it takes a lot for her to notice things around her that don't pertain to her personally. Unfortunately, there are people that are just like that, and they have friends who put up with it. I suppose that Rose's personality is a testament to Wren's patience. :P There is more interaction between Rose and Wren coming up. I can't justify her. She just is who she is at this point. I didn't want her to be this wonderful friend, or Wren wouldn't have had so much trouble dealing with all of the stuff. Sometimes the decisions I make give me more problems than I want to admit. Sigh.

Time: You know what? I think I took a lot of time references out of this final draft, and I'm not sure why I did that. Maybe if I put more of those "the next morning" and "two days later" phrases back in, it would make the transitions easier to follow.

James/Albus: James does not act nicely towards Albus, and he never actually apologizes for it, but they do come to an understanding that he needs to stop fooling around and help because things become serious. That's as far as I took that arc. If you didn't find that satisfying as a reader, perhaps I can tweak it to have a stronger resolution. I will have to think on that as well. Again, if you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Curfew/Detention: because Plot, unfortunately. Haha. I may have cheated on this issue, simply because I made Albus and Wren out to be the kind of people who didn't go out of their way to break the rules. I could tweak that as well and make their infraction more severe to fit the punishment.

I'll tidy up this last chapter, and I should have made a bigger deal over Albus' ability to break through James' magic, which was supposed to be a big thing. I guess it needs a larger punch there. I'll see what I can do about that.

Please don't apologize. This was exactly the kind of feedback I was looking for. If there's anything else you can think of, or tweaks you think I can do to make the story stronger, I would LOVE to hear them.

Very grateful,

Pix







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Review #5, by Roisin 7. Heart To Handle

21st July 2015:
BACK!

Also, true story: My roommate is away for the week, and after I finished reading this chapter last night she texted me to remind me to feed her bunny. FREAKING. TERRIFYING.

This chapter was so amazing and I loved so much about it! First off, I wanna commend you for having actual schoolwork in your story. I feel like a lot of school-age stories taking place at Hogwarts somehow manage to gloss over like, the SCHOOL stuff. I've read entire novels where the characters are never seen in class or doing homework. So yeah, THANK YOU for creating realistic lesson plans and things :)

What's really crazy is how this normal stuff counterbalances SCARY EVIL BUNNY stuff. Like, seeing Wren almost back to normal makes the parts where she ISN'T normal even more affecting (HOW DARE BUNNY GIVE HER HEADACHES).

It doesn't seem like Albus is having much bunny troubles--then again, we've only seen glimpses of him, and just by glimpses of Wren we might not notice either.

Heehee, on the ScoRose ship: again, this is something that got kind of implied in the epilogue, so it makes sense that it's such a thing. Super fun here, though, because yeah, your Scorpius is FAB. A lot of Scorpiuses (Scorpii?) I've written aren't actually my headcanon, just fun possibilities. This one, I think, is my new Scorpius headcanon :)

Nate. Oh Nate. At first I thought he might be, like, Dillon? Like, DILLON IS A SHAPESHIFTER. But no, that's not right. He was too poised, whereas Dillon is, well, a child (or some sort of childish creature). IS HE RELATED TO DILLON? I feel like he has to be connected somehow.

AND YET I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS UP WITH DILLON. So I suppose his mum really was a witch? But what is HE?? How can he commune with the rabbits? AH! Also, the thing with him telling the tree to 'move' was sort of brilliant. Like, I kept thinking "THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS, KID." And there was something scary about it, too, because he ought not be using a wand. And he WAS able to do SOMEthing. Ugh.

Also, that tidbit about him liking the beginning, when the people loved the rabbits... I suppose there's something of a trajectory that happens? A TERRIFYING TRAJECTORY.

Author's Response:

Woot! It's another visit by Roisin!

I'm sorry about creating friction between you and your roommate's rabbit. They really aren't all like Bunny, but I tell you after writing this thing, even I won't be looking at rabbits in the same way ever again.

Yes with the schoolwork. It's SCHOOL. Which is WORK. With STUDENTS. And I teach stuff, so that's important to me.

I love contrasts. I'm so happy this balancing thing is working for you. I had all these ideas I wanted to do with this story, and I only had room for so many because I didn't want to make it turn into this ugly disconnected thing. We'll find out soon what's been going on with Albus' rabbit. Some readers have gotten confused by that. I'd love to know if it is sensical to you later.

Oh SCoRose... It is such a thing that I couldn't not do it. And I'm exceedingly pleased that you like this Scorpius. Still the same traits we see everywhere else: cocky and too sure of himself. I'd like to think that the Potter boys have had a good influence on him in this story.

Nate is a whole different thing. I wanted his character in this story so bad. He brings another kind of balance, and you're not the first person to suggest that he's related to Dillon.

Dillon should be just a little scary. That little kid in the horror movie that hasn't done anything yet, but holds so much potential... You seem to be feeling the suspense, so I'll take that as a good sign.



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Review #6, by Roisin 6. Big as Hearts

21st July 2015:
Yay Scorpius POV!

It could have been really easy to make Scorpius antogonistic towards James to play for laughs, so I like the idea that he respects him here. And then also sorta antagonizes him. Like, way to get the best of both worlds!

AH GROWLING BUNNY. How am I not surprised that Scorpius would be the one to see the evil little creature for what it truly is. Maybe because he isn't seduced by bunny cuteness? And I think the bunny biting a person has something to do with it getting to them, so the bit with Scorpius vs Bunny was really suspenseful (yet slightly ridiculous and funny too). Also, AH THEY ARE HEX RESISTANT THAT MAKES EVERYTHING SO MUCH WORSE.

Oh no. Bunny doesn't respond well to magic, resulting in Wren not responding well to magic? This is gonna work out great, considering she goes to goddamn MAGIC SCHOOL.

Oh man, the hectic scene in the bar was so stressful and intense. It was all really well thought out and convincing and fantastic, and I love the strange sort of gothic atmosphere this whole story has. Even without things fitting together yet, everything still maintains such an interesting tone. Smeed is definitely a curious character and I can't wait to see where everything goes!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response:

I love your reviews. Seriously. These are great little masterpieces.

How could I deny Scorpius the best of anything?? I can't. That's why he has it all. :P

I think you're one of the few people who picked up on the importance of the rabbits being hex resistant and the implications that holds. Most people are just freaked out by Wren's loss of magic, which is also awful and scary and not right.

I'm so glad you saw good things about the bar scene. If I was going to rewrite this story, it would be all about Smeed and his world. But alas, I have already spent too much of my time on this, so I'll have to let it be what it is. And oh, you think this has a gothic atmosphere? That's awesome! I haven't thought of it in that way, but I can see it now that you mention it.

So much love!

Pix


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Review #7, by Gabriella Hunter 2. Trusting Hearts

18th July 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with our swap! Thank you so much for the great review you left for "Grey"! It meant a lot to me, I hope to see you around again. :D

So, I read this a long time ago and yet, I was still able to remember almost everything. I didn't even have to go back and catch up on what I missed! I was already in love with Wren and I could understand her very well but this chapter, especially the beginning just tore at my heart.

I never really saw Augusta Longbottom as a very emotional woman but seeing her crumbling like this was hard to read. It's always difficult to write scenes like this because you know that it's coming from a very private place. Seeing a loved one fading away or even just really ill, takes a lot out of a person and I liked how you wrote that with Wren. She's moved to a whole new area and is out of touch with herself, nothing has that familiar "spark", which makes her being with her Gran all the more painful.

I liked that you weaved in canon so wonderfully here. The information about Frank and Alice was hard to take but you didn't focus so much on that, some writers can really jerk you away from what's happening right NOW but you chose not to. Wren didn't even really think too much about her father's parents but you can tell that there was love there too for them. I do wonder though, what's going to happen to poor Gran in the next few chapters and I thought the details you added in about the potions muddling her mind was a great affect. It seems like there's a lot that Muggle and Healer medicine just can't cure. :(

So, Dillon. I'm going to be honest and say that that little boy gave me the creeps. I just got this really weird feeling about him--he's up to something, obviously but I'm not sure if it's malicious or not. Wren was such a great support for him and it was nice seeing her smile and be a little happy but then we've got that darn bunny at the end.who walks around with a basket of adorable baby bunnies? Like...there's a whole other story there and I want to know more about Dillon's precious Mummy. Ah, I just have this weird feeling that something isn't right...

But on a whole other note, this was great! Your pace was awesome, your characters are realistic and powerful and it's just all sorts of awesome.

Thanks for the swap!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response:

Hi Gabbie!

Ah, chapter two has a lot of heartbreak in it with Augusta's condition. I didn't want to belabor the point. I think it spoke for itself as Wren's difficulties merged with Augusta's. A 95-year-old friend of my mother's told me that growing old is not for the weak at heart. Things start falling apart. There's a lot of frustration when the body doesn't work the way it ought to, not to mention the physical pain. Something always hurts. For Wren's Gran, it's also affecting her on the inside, a place where no one can reach.

Dillon is a special little boy. His rabbits are relevant and you should definitely trust that weird feeling you have. Good instincts should never be ignored.

Thanks for the lovely review! The revisions are up, so if you get the chance to skim through that first chapter again, let me know.

Pix


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Review #8, by Roisin 5. Distant Hearts

17th July 2015:
Back!

Another thing I forgot to mention last chapter, but I'm really impressed by, is how much new life you give various FF conventions. Like, it makes sense that certain things come up over and over again in fics, because they are mostly rooted in the epilogue (like James' characterization). But here, a lot of these things kind of take on a lot of freshness for being set in a very different sort of story.

Quick recommendation: maybe italicize first-person thoughts for clarity? There have been a few in the last chapters.

There's something really cinematic to your writing that I appreciate. Your visuals are so specific, like in the moment with Wren looking through her camera at Scorpius. I can really see it playing out like a movie.

I feel like there's something really metaphorical about Wren as a photographer, but being so early in the story, I've yet to really unpack it all. I can't wait to see how the theme develops. (Although right now, I see it as something of her being a spectator--watching the world through something that separates her from it. Also, kind of a comment about her seeing things differently.)

Oh no, Albus has a sketchy bunny too now? Crap.

I'm so curious about Dillon and his mother. Right now, I'm assuming that they aren't human. Like, they aren't really witches or wizards, but I have no theories beyond that. WHAT IS GOING ON???

Author's Response:

Great!

I'm always a little disappointed when people don't at least try to do something new with the generally held conventions. Sure, in FF, we just come to accept things, and unlike OF, we can assume that readers are already somewhat familiar with certain things. We don't have to work that hard at convincing people about certain characters unless we change the convention, but I always want to know what does THIS author think about the characters? It's a thing. We all have a thing, I guess. And yeah, my stories do tend to walk a different path. I'm generally not the go-to person when someone's looking for a story "type". In fact, I'm still trying to figure out what "type" of writer I am.

Yes, I am aware of the first-person thoughts that run rampant without much clarity to them. I am still undecided about making a textual distinction for them. Part of me thinks I should, and then there's this rebellious part of me (the one that likes to break all the comma rules :P) that shrugs it off. I use an awful lot of italics in this fic for other purposes, and I guess I wanted to keep them separated... also for clarity. Oh, but you haven't gotten that far yet, so if you still feel it's an issue moving forward, feel free to mention it again.

Ahh, visuals! Part of the reason I wanted Wren as a photographer was to play with that sort of descriptive. I don't know if I pulled it off throughout, since I'm not a photographer myself, but it was quite fun giving it a try.

Metaphor! LOL. It happens occasionally.

I feel like I gave a lot away at the start of this fic with potential ships and such, and I needed something to unfold gently. Dillon drew the short straw on that. You'll have to let me know what you think of his overall arc later, if you get that far. He's a special boy.

Thanks SO MUCH for another WONDERFUL review!

(and now I'm shouting at you, sorry!)

Pix



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Review #9, by Roisin 4. Hearts and Minds

16th July 2015:
SURPRISE!

I've been meaning to make good on our review pairing from ages ago, BECAUSE I FOLLOW THROUGH DAMMIT, and here I finally am! In a way, it's a good thing that I have been the worst and taken so long. I saw that you'd recently edited, and when I read before, the second and third chapters were switched (and I'd had a little break between the first and next chapter so I didn't catch it right away). I've gone back and started reading from the beginning, and I'm SO glad I did! I remember it being great, but it's just about PERFECT now. I wish I could go back and re-review those first chapters, but instead, I'll focus on the here-and-now.

I'm really enjoying the alternating POVs. There's something fresh about it, because I feel like a lot of stories are sort of coy about their ships. Here, we get to see from both Albus and Wren's perspective.

Also, I love your Scorpius. He's so sort of glib, and different from how I've seen him before, but I'm SOLD. I'm only a few paragraphs into this chapter, but so far I'm assuming he's gay--if only because: 'air hug.' I like how you managed to keep certain Malfoyish characteristics (aristocratic hand), but transmute them into something totally different, and totally camp. CAMP SCORPIUS. I love it.

The way you wrote Wren's perspective in the last chapter was so affecting. Like, I had a lot of feels and genuinely worried about her. I'm guessing there's something supernatural going on, but it makes sense that it would read more as nonmagic depression--and depression would be a logical response to everything she's gone through.

Also, as for shipping: I feel like a lot of stories read like "COME ON, KISS HER/HIM YOU FOOL, THEY OBV LIKE YOU." So it's cool here that their liking eachother is CONFIRMED, yet Albus' hesitations (that she's going through a lot, that there could be awkwardness if he tried), are actually totes reasonable and even admirable. I don't think he's stupid for not going for it, because his reasoning is sound and believable.

I also like the way you shed light on the 'beezies be crazy' and 'I'm not mad' tropes from both angles. You show how both people feel, and how it's more a breakdown of communication than a specific party totally at fault.

Oh gosh--the reason why Wren's mindset is so affecting, I think, is how chaotic it is from inside her head, yet she still comes off as basically normal to other people. There's something scary about that.

God, the ending to this scene was so chilling. Well done.

I like how Albus is super likable and sympathetic, and a bit of a delicate-flower-sweetheart in his way, but still realistically a bit of a lad, and even a bit of a (I don't want to say) playboy (?). Like, the way he talks about former girlfriends isn't all that praiseworthy, but it's nice to see a dynamic character who isn't all good or all bad.

This story is so fantastic, and I'm so glad to be getting back to it!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response:

AHH!!!

Is it my birthday? What a lovely surprise!

Yeah, that following through bit can be tough. I think I lapsed for two months once on a review exchange and I felt really bad about it, but as long as you came by, that's what really matters. No worries.

I am so pleased that you went back and re-read the first few chapters. They feel so much better to me. The first chapter revisions were massive, but even in the little tweaks from chapter two and three, I think the story came together a lot tighter. I have almost accepted the fact that in longer stories I just can't get chapter one right until I'm done. But man, the process is frustrating.

Nope,nope, no coyness with ships here. Though I wondered how difficult it would be to maintain the tension without including a bunch of silliness, since it's clear who likes who already. Hence the massive revision. It's crazy, but I finally GOT Wren when I was writing Chapter 27, or something ridiculous like that, and then I just had to go back and fix things and adjust and GAH! But that's over with for now. I'm DONE. Mostly. Aww, heck. I can pretend, can't I? It's interesting that it took me so long too, because I knew what the ultimate crisis was going to be for her, but I didn't really KNOW until she was IN crisis, and that's where I truly met her.

Yes on all of that with the depression. That's definitely what it looks like, and I needed something that would keep her friends from seeing the actual and just carrying on for a bit, because if they all figured stuff out too soon... no story. I might have stretched that a bit too far, but hey, it was a learning experience.

I'm so happy you like Scorpius. He was by far the easiest character to write. I was trying to put my finger on why, and I think it's because of all the characters in this story, he's the only one who has already made his decision about who he is. I'm not saying you're right or wrong about him, but he's very secure in his skin, whereas Wren and Albus are still getting comfortable. Haha, funny that in a way that makes him more mature... except he acts the complete opposite of mature most of the time. I love that about him.

I'm also really glad you like Albus and that his traits were easy to read. He is a sweet one, but he's also a boy (a real boy, not the wooden puppet kind) and he won't turn down a piece of candy if someone makes an offer. Wow. From that, you'd think this was a lot deeper than it actually is. LOL!

Thanks so much for coming back!

BROWNIES!!!


Pix


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Review #10, by Dirigible_Plums 1. Have a Heart

15th July 2015:
Hey,

I've seen this fic plenty of times before and always reserved it to read later when I had the time to thoroughly enjoy it. I can't wait to read on.

Poor Wren. It's hard moving away from home. I remember having a hard time letting go of my old home when I moved, but then again, it was easier on me since I just moved across the road. Wren doesn't even have the luxury of living nearby.

I really liked the characters in this chapter. Even though I haven't gotten to know them properly yet (with the exception of Wren, of course), I feel like even the short insight pretty much sums them up. I had to crack a grin at Neville's whispers to his plants. It's just so typical of him. I like that Wren takes after him except she loves animals more than plants.

Seriously, you've done a great job here. I look forward to finding out about the world's worst nightmare.

Dirigible_Plums xo

[Oh, and before I forget, I love the heart theme with your chapter titles. Nicely done ;) ]

Author's Response:

Hello!!

I'm glad you finally stopped by, and doubly glad that you saw the first chapter AFTER the revision. I am hopeful that I've cleared away most of the dead wood and left things fresh and interesting, but you never know. If you see anything weird, or... wait a minute. Most of this is weird. Anyway.

Exactly! Wren and Neville both share a love for nature, but it manifests in different ways.

Haha! The chapter titles were more of a personal way to keep myself entertained. :P They were fun, and at times, a little annoying, but hey. I managed to keep the theme all the way through.

Thanks for the review! I hope you get a chance to come back for more. And by the way, I don't mind a review every few chapters, instead of every single chapter. Not that I wouldn't enjoy a bunch of reviews, but... you know what I'm saying. It's hard to get people to comment on the overall arc of things, and I'd like to hear about that from time to time.

Thanks so much for coming by!

Pix


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Review #11, by StarFeather 1. Have a Heart

13th July 2015:
Hi, Pixi!

I've imagined how the rabbits turned to be scary after I heard from my fellow Gryffie about this story, but I'd like to say it's a very interesting story from the start.

Whole story is wrapped by Wren's gloomy mood that she didn't want to move out from the cozy house surrounded by nature and small animals she loved. The image of her grand mother will be the key to the story, maybe?

Any way I enjoyed reading her swinging heart as a teenager and Albus who was going to climb up the stairs to an adult, his each movement and his feeling towards Wren can't be ignored from here.

Then the last weird happening is very magically intriguing. Does horror start here?

Kenny

Author's Response:

Hi Kenny, and welcome to my weirdness!

You have a lot of theories about my story. I'm glad it got you thinking and it holds some interest to you. The revised version of this first chapter clarified some things about Wren's character, and also Albus, so I'm happy that you commented on that.


Yes of course there is magic! Scary...

Thanks for the review!

Pix


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Review #12, by TreacleTart 5. Distant Hearts

11th July 2015:
Hey Hey Hey!

Ugh! I wish Wren and Albus would just get it over with and tell each other how they feel already. These childish games are getting a bit silly. Besides, everyone else seems to be aware that they're into each other, so it seems pointless to keep up the charade.

I swear with every chapter this bunny gets creepier and creepier. How could it have possibly ended up on the bed? How would it have gotten it's cage door open?

And the ending! Yikes. That boy is seriously up to something. I have no solid theories on what exactly he's up to yet, but I get the feeling that it's no good. Why Wren even offered that little boy help is beyond me. You could feel the creep factor from 100 yards away.

Good work!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Ahh, yes. I adjusted a little for that as well. Sometimes less is more, so I tried that in my revision. The arc is still the same, but you know, adjust, revise, adjust... repeat...

Bunny! How could it possibly get any creepier??

I wish I had made this story, like, ALL creep. That would have been really fun. But there was this character who needed more, so I gave it to her. Ah, well. Next time I'll go for extreme creep, just to get it out of my system.

Or not.

I'm still thinking about it.

Thanks for another great review! I love hearing your thoughts on my story!

Pix


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Review #13, by TreacleTart 4. Hearts and Minds

11th July 2015:
Hey Pix!

So I'm a bit ambivalent about this chapter.

I did like seeing the interactions between Wren and Albus. The group dynamic with everyone was also pretty nice. I think that for the most part the interactions all seemed normal and the dialogue was good.

Wren's relationship with her bunny is quite strange and I feel like there's some dark magic at work here. It's hard to think of a fluffy white bunny as evil, but it certainly seems to be.

The only bit of critique that I have to offer is that in comparison to the previous chapters, this one feels a bit off to me. I can't quite put my finger on why. I think it just seems jumpy and maybe a bit chaotic. Maybe spending a bit more time on each event would help?

Anyway, I still love this story and am looking forward to the next chapter. I know the creepy little boy disappeared, but I have a feeling that we haven't seen the last of him.

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Yeah, me too. This one came out more focused in the revision. I hope you get a chance to re-read it and tell me if it flows better.

There were several things that happened when I was writing this the last time. I knew what I wanted, but the execution wasn't secure. Fortunately, I finally had someone read it who could explain to me what was going on and how to fix it.

I hope I did. It was an issue that I couldn't spot until I did, and then that lightbulb came on. Ding!

Thanks for reading more!

Pix


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Review #14, by TreacleTart 3. Cold Toes, Warm Heart

11th July 2015:
Hi there!

Back for some more!

I really like that Wren is not particularly fussed about her appearance. I think most girls spend way too much time worrying about that sort of stuff.

The crush on Albus seems so sweet and innocent. She's not really sure if she wants to pursue him or not, but I think he seems like he might be interested in her as well. Only time will tell though, I suppose.

Wren's reaction at the end almost sounded like a panic attack. There must be some sort of spell on her to make her feel what the bunny is feeling? It's strange that as soon as she got to the bunny she felt better.

Again, like I said in my last review...that little boy is so creepy, so I can only imagine what he's done to this bunny.

I'm looking forward to more!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Back! I love it when people come back!

I think too many girls spend too much time on their appearance too, but you know, it IS a skill. I remember being in my early twenties, getting ready for work and thinking "What do I do with all this makeup??" because never played with it as a kid, and I wasn't into it as a teen. I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing.

This is certainly not one of those crash and burn relationship stories, so things aren't going to be quick or easy for Wren. I was really ambivalent about how I wanted to portray that part of the story, and my revision sort of shifts it to where it needs to be. Sometimes you don't figure it all out until you get to the end. Sigh.

Yes, the bunny is strange. Wren is feeling strange. It's all rather strange. And so am I, so...

Thanks for another lovely review! I'm so glad you're reading my crazy story!

Pix


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Review #15, by TreacleTart 2. Trusting Hearts

11th July 2015:
Hello again!

I'm having writer's block tonight, so I thought I'd return and read some more of your lovely story.

Where to start?

The scene with Augusta is so heartbreaking. It actually reminds me quite a bit of my grandmother. She had Parkinson's disease, which eventually caused her severe dementia, so I could really relate to what Wren was going through. It's hard watching someone so strong become almost childlike, especially when that person is such a prominent member of the family.

This little boy is super creepy and I'm not sure how Wren hasn't picked up on that. Maybe it's the kindness in her heart that keeps her from seeing how weird this child is, but I was immediately freaked out by him. He reminded me of Tom Riddle a little bit, but he also had sort of his own unique thing going on.

I'm also surprised that Wren let the little boy go wandering off on his own late at night. I would think that she would insist that he come in to eat and maybe shower before allowing him to take off.

Something seems very odd about the story he tells. What type of mother would set a child off on their own with a basket of rabbits? I'm really intrigued by this and can't wait to find out what's going on there.

This was another excellent chapter. I'm hooked already. This will be added to my favorites list. Good job!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Aww, writer's block is no fun.

I've had a few people comment on relating to the scene with Augusta. It's one of those things where if you've been there, you get it.

I'm glad you were immediately freaked out by the little boy. Those are good instincts you have there. He's so sweet and innocent and... maybe he isn't. He definitely has his own thing going on. I hope you keep reading to find out more about him.

Thanks so much for another fantastic review!

Pix


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Review #16, by TreacleTart 1. Have a Heart

10th July 2015:
Hey Pix,

I figured it was about time to come give this a read after all the amazing things I've heard about it. The first chapter definitely lived up to everything I've heard. It was really a unique idea and immediately had me wondering what the next chapters would bring.

As far as first chapters go, I think this did everything that a good first chapter should do. It gave me enough information to get a grasp on what is happening. It left out enough information to leave me with questions. And it also surprised me a bit because your plot was so unique.

I think I am most intensely curious about why this glowing light picked up the rabbit. What would anyone or anything want with a little baby rabbit? I hope Wren will be able to find it and save it.

I adore how compassionate you've made Wren's character. I could see the child of Hannah and Neville ending up like that. Since her parents are kind people, it seems fitting that she would be too. Oh! And the idea that Augusta is the one who taught her to save animals is brilliant. We only ever see Augusta as a hardened, calloused woman in cannon, so it adds a nice layer to her to think she'd be off in the woods saving animals.

Great work! I can't wait to see where the rest of this goes!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Oh, hi there!

I'm currently in the middle of revising this story, and this chapter had a bit of a revamp to it. I hope I didn't mess it up, but it needed adjusting when I got to the end. Maybe you can come and take a look when I have the revision up and tell me if you agree with the changes. :)

I really like the idea of Hannah and Neville's child being this way, kind and compassionate, and an animal lover. I almost had her with plants, but I thought I'd give her a little twist from her dad. I think it worked out.

Thanks so much for coming by and checking out my story!

Pix


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Review #17, by The Summer Snake 13. Hungry for Hearts

24th May 2015:
Greetings from The Summer Snake! I have recently slithered out of hibernation and discovered this amazing place with such amazing stories, so I want to read and review as many as I can before I go back into hibernation!

WOW. JUST WOW. I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS FOR THIS STORY. IT IS ABSOLUTELY MIND BLOWING.

So I have read all the chapters up till now and it's just freaking amazing! The plot is so unique, so original, I've literally never seen anything like it. Like VAMPIRE RABBITS?! Wow.

I am trying to be coherent in this review but having a lot of trouble because I have so much to say but I'm speechless too because really this story is just brilliant.

I love your characterisation of Wren. She is a very nice girl and I feel sorry for what's happening to her. I sincerely hope she realises just how terrible her Bunny is very soon. I also like how you've fleshed out her relationship with Albus. The two are obviously very good friends who like each other and I hope things progress between the two - but that looks kinda hard with all the crazy stuff going on.

OMG SMEED IS A VAMPIRE TOO?! I did not see that coming. You literally have an amazing way to completely blow your readers away. The twists and turns in this plot never stop and I'm loving it.

Being a snake, I never really liked rabbits anyway so it's nice to them portrayed as evil - perhaps now you humans will appreciate us slithery snakes more rather than those so called cuddly rabbits, eh. *hisses nonchalantly*

Back to the story, I really don't know what else to say except your writing is brilliant. I am loving your descriptions and your plot. You've done really well in capturing this insane plot and turning it into such an amazing narrative. And when I said insane, I meant it in a good way!

I am curious to see how things proceed and what is up with Dillon at the moment. That boy totally creeps me out - and well I'm a scary reptilian creature so I should not be creeped out by some human boy but I am. But wait, Dillon is not really human so I guess my fear is sort of justified.

Ah look at my confused little snake brain - I keep going off track. My point is, I love this story and I'm so pleased I slithered out of my hole and came across this wonderful piece of work. I am definitely going to keep reading and leave you some reviews ahead, but perhaps in another form ;)

Great story, really enjoying it. Hats off (if I wore a hat) for thinking of such a complex yet brilliant plot and for executing it so perfectly. Keep going!

*showers confetti and flowers* Here, a reward for your wonderful talent.

Now I'd love to stay on and continue to sing praises of this amazing story but sadly I do not have much time so I'll be off to explore more of this wonderful sun! See ya!

With love,
The Summer Snake

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Review #18, by adluvshp 12. Heartburn

24th May 2015:
Hey! I finally got the time to read another chapter and catch up a little!

Things are going crazy here! Now Nigel is under the control too. Ghosh, i wonder when Wren will realise exactly what is up with the rabbits.

I loved the scene between Albus and Wren, it was good to see some light interaction between them. Poor Wren though - sick and weak. I hope things get better soon.

Your writing was lovely as ever, great descriptions, amazing plot and superb pace. The suspense just continues to build up and I'm really excited to read on and find out what happens next! Great job!

10/10
Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response:

Hey, it's nice to see you back!
Yeah, when is Wren going to get a clue?? Soon, I hope.

I'm relieved to hear that there's still some suspense left at this chapter.. don't even know where I am in this story anymore. It has such sprawl... next time I'm going for a nice, tight, compact little thing where everything has its place and all the shelves are labelled, you know, that sort of thing.

Thanks for the review!

Pix


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Review #19, by MadiMalfoy 4. Hearts and Minds

30th March 2015:
Hello hello! It's been a good 2 and a half months since you requested this review, and severely apologize!

Anywho, I decided to read a few chapters to really get into the plot a little bit more as per your request, and boy did it get interesting! The point of view change between Wren & Albus really helps to thicken the plot somewhat and explains how both of them are nervous for tow different things but they can't tell the other (or won't tell) about it, which is killing the other. I am very curious to see where you go with Wren's bunny--I have an inkling you've pulled stuff in from the first chapter with the bunny and that it will be a subplot/plot device later on. Also I am excited to see how you work with Albus's crush on Wren and his increasing awkwardness as he grows taller, and also Wren's understanding of the feelings she might possibly be developing for Albus too.

I am very very interested to see what Albus manages to do with getting back at James for all the pranks this summer! Eep, I'll definitely be back to read more of this when I have more time! Please feel free to re-request again! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello to you!

I'm so glad you came over to read, and thanks so much for reading ahead a few chapters. It's really the only way I can get people to comment on plot arcs. Not that I mind the chapter-by-chapter reviews, but I hardly ever get crit on overall arcs, so thanks.

Ah, the rabbit is very integral to the plot. He's in there, all the way. I'm not sure if I handled Albus' prolonged awkwardness enough, but I definitely followed through with the pranking issue. In fact, it's about to wrap up in a chapter or two, which I'm excited about.

Thanks so much for the read-through. I'll definitely rerequest again!

Pix


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Review #20, by UnluckyStar57 9. Stone Hearted

15th March 2015:
After months and months, I am BACK to review chapter 9, and maybe I won't be so tardy next time. There are so many chapters of this crazy, creepy, brilliant story now! :O

Honestly, I'm sort of the dumb, gullible reader who will believe anything you throw at me, as long as it's mildly plausible. So the hints of zombie-ism, wandless magic (or lack of ability to do magic), and Gran's dark and tragic actions are spinning around in my head and I have no idea what to do with them.

Ugh, but I love it. Wren is dealing with a WHOLE LOT, rabbits aside. Like, she could probably be diagnosed with a Muggle psychological disorder at this point because of how messed up her life (and thereby, her mind) has become. But is she turning into some kind of weird rabbit zombie?! I'm not sure at all...

It's absolutely terrible that she had to find out about Gran's decision from some paperwork at St. Mungo's. That in itself is scarring, coupled with the fact that the person behind the decision is the one who gave her a passion for saving the lives of animals in the first place... All that revelation really makes me think about the perspective we have on Gran, though. Is she having these spells of un-Gran-ness because of repressed guilt over "killing" her son and daughter-in-law? Has she somehow been affected by the creepiness of the rabbits/other creatures she took care of? Is she turning into a zombie?!

Seriously, that stuff with seeing Alice Longbottom's hand twitch and imagining zombies really was very creepy. Thank Merlin for Albus the Nerd, who tells zombie jokes that calm Wren's nerves--as well as my own. Like, if I thought killer rabbits were bad, killer rabbit zombies are even WORSE.

Question: Is any of this inspired by Bunnicula, that children's book about the Dracula-rabbit? It sometimes reminds me of that, except that this is WAY darker and I continue to be baffled by the rabbits (but in a good--albeit creepy--way).

I'm definitely on Team Smeed-Is-Not-A-Bad-Guy, but I could be very wrong. The tea that he gave Wren seemed to help a lot, and I'm hoping that he kind of knows about the rabbit situation and is on a mission to stop it. (Plus, I might remember from a few chapters back--is he a vampire/immortal-esque being of some sort?) I thought the tea might make her forget about that stupid rabbit, but no, she thought of Bunny immediately after drinking the tea...

Aggh! Such a brilliant web you weave! I've really got to start keeping up with this story more, because every time I read it, I get sucked back in...

Again, sorry this review was so late. I apologize for being the human equivalent of a trashcan, but I hope you won't hold it against me. :P

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Oh Hey!!!

After many weeks, I am finally giving a response to this awesome review of yours!

You are definitely my kind of reader! Mildly plausible is a specialty of mine, as is zombie-ism, wandless magic (it's canon, sort of :P)and old people with secrets to hide. So glad you're on the same train with me on that. Which is why I'm also so happy you have returned to this story! Woot!

Aww, no. This story is not inspired by Bunnicula, but a friend of mine pointed out that vampire rabbits have been done before. I never read that book, but after someone told me about it, I Googled the plot. Interesting. I might have to read those books, just to say that I have. :)

Team Smeed-Is-Not-A-Bad-Guy is a good team to be on. And yeah, he's a vampire. That might make him sort of bad, but not in a bad way. Wow. That just didn't make any sense at all. Now I'm messing with my own head.

Feel free to get sucked in anytime. You're always welcome! Currently, I'm writing the last five chapters (30 in all), and I won't be posting again until this thing is done. I have this unnerving fear of posting too early, and then discovering that I dropped an essential thread. Eek! The nightmares!

Thanks for the awesome review!

Pix


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Review #21, by Roisin 2. Trusting Hearts

8th March 2015:
"Where's Frank?" *DIES.*

I DIED. Augusta's dementia is written with such heartbreaking, perfect, honest pathos. Also, the flying pillows are part of her dementia-magic? That is a brilliant idea--like, so amazing. I can't believe I never thought about that. My grandfather always said old age was the 'second childhood.' So it makes sense that someone very old might have the same uncontrollable magical situations as small/pre-Hogwarts children. And there's a huge amount of metaphor there. Plus, the pain of seeing someone with dementia or alzheimers is augmented by the danger of it (forgetting things, wandering off, etc). By including a magical element, you really ramp up the examination you are doing. BRAVO.

And speaking of Bravo's--CREEPY BOY. I love what you did with weaving in his POV. And then the fact that Wren is so skind to him really mirrors how she treats bunny! And like, sure, WE know that the kid is scary and the bunny is somehow evil, because we know we are reading a story. But of course she wouldn't see either of those things as threatening. Like, she's not a dumb girl in a horror movie deciding to explore the attic alone. Her decisions make sense.

HOW DOES THIS ALL CONNECT?!?!?! I am so excited by this story, because I literally have no theories as to where it will go. I can't even try. I'm just excited to see what happens!

Author's Response: No! Don't die!!! I ned you!!!

Aww, thanks! Augusta's story is a bit heartbreaking, and you can't be anything but honest about it. I was thinking about oldness and youngness, and the connections between them. So it makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

Yes! Creepy Boy!!

Ah, am I keeping you guessing? That you care enough to guess just warms my heart. I hope you get a chance to come back some time.

Thanks for such a lovely review! (and I fixed the chapter order, lol!)


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Review #22, by Roisin 3. Cold Toes, Warm Heart

8th March 2015:
So I am the worst. I would say '/hides/' BUT I HAVE DONE ENOUGH HIDING. Guh--I won't bore you with my stresses, but I will say that I LOVE this story and I'm so sorry I was the worst swap partner ever! I never thought I would bail so badly!

On to your, much over-due, reviews:

Wren is such an interesting and dynamic character! I think it's amazing that you make her so likable and relatable, but still complicated. Like, I wouldn't even say she's flawed so much as she's realistic. What's strange (amazing) is that while she feels very YOUNG (like, accurately teenaged), I still get this sense that she's Mature For Her Age. Or at least, she kind of puts it on. But then her internal monologue and behaviors still do feel very young. Like, she's the sort of person where adults might say "oh, you're so grown up for your age," and maybe even her peers. But since we get to see inside her head, the reader can tell how young she is. But it's subtle. GAH, I can't explain it, but it's really well done. Like, that's a very difficult tightrope to walk, but you've written it in a way that's SO on point and realistic.

Which really has a lot to do with how well written this is! The language and prose itself proves an incredibly high level of mastery. You succeed in letting me get lost in an engrossing story, while still marveling over the beauty of the writing itself. Just rhythmically and pacing-wise, it really works. The variation of sentence lengths and tension builds/breaks are so well done.

Also, I like that you kind of trust your reader to be smart. Things never feel belaboured or spelled out--there's all this subtle stuff with Albus (AND RABBIT), but you respect your reader to get what's happening/implied to happen, without beating them over the head with it.

Also, can I just address the main thing: BUNNY. How did you make a bunny so creepy??? They are the actual cutest things ever! And also, like, the bunny is still CUTE while being creepy. I mean, the effect it's having on Wren is obvious, but whenever we see it, you give us these adorable descriptions!

This is just SUCH an original and amazing story. I really have never seen anything like it. And I have NO IDEA where it's going to go, but I'm so excited about seeing it progress!

Again, I am sososososossosososososososossoso sorry for being so late on our swap. Especially since this story deserves so much better!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: Hi Roisin!

Gah, stress. My old friend. I completely understand, so I am delighted that you have found the time to stop by.

I am SO happy you find Wren likable and relatable, AND complicated. If you dig deep enough, EVERYONE's got SOMETHING that they're working through. It's generally called "the human condition". I am also really grateful that you picked up on her feel, which was exactly what I was going for, oh my gosh! Her parents give her a lot of credit for being responsible, and she has earned a great amount of trust from them, but she's still a kid (maybe and old kid, but still not an adult, you know?) and she hasn't gotten to the "I'm all grown up, can't you see?" stage. So, yeah. What you said. :P

Aww, thanks for the lovely words on my prose! Part of me worries that when people comment on stuff like that, I might have made it "too" pretty, that it pulls you out of the story, but I'll take it as a compliment. *blushes*

Yes. I demand that my readers keep up with the story and pay attention. I hate it when authors say things like, "See? See what I did there? I did that THING because it means my character is in PAIN. Did you see that?"

Argh. Anyway. On the other side of the coin, I have to watch myself with the vagueness. Sometimes I write myself into this fog and don't actually say anything about what's going on, which just leaves the reader frustrated and upset at me. It's a weakness, this lack of clarity. Most of the time, my betas beat that out of me in the second draft. So it's generally all good by the time it gets posted.

Bunny is so cute AND creepy, isn't he? I love that about him.

Thanks for the lovely comments, and I do hope you get a chance to at least skim through the rest of this crazy idea I had. Don't feel compelled to comment on every chapter. These days, I'm more looking for comments on the overall story and character arcs, and how to make those connections stronger. I'm not planning to rewrite this thing, but after the last five chapters get posted, I do want to make a few adjustments.

Happy writing!
Pix


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Review #23, by ohmymerlin 5. Distant Hearts

26th January 2015:
Hey, there! I'm here from my review thread! Sorry about the delay! I was going on a lot of holidays and when I wasn't I was packing/unpacking/cleaning the house. Anyway, I'm here now!

First of all: coconut pecan cake sounds amazing. Where can I get this heavenly cake? :P

OKAY WHAT ON EARTH IS UP WITH THAT BUNNY HOLY MOLY I DO NOT TRUST THAT THING

WAIT WAIT WHO AND WHAT IS DILLON AND WHY DOES HE WANT SUCH A STRONG AND WEIRD CONNECTION TO WREN THIS IS SO FREAKY but I can't just stop imagining how cute it would be to have a basket of baby bunnies :'D

Before I forget, nothing sticks out! Everything is still flowing nicely :D

But ugh that bunny is so ridiculously creepy. She's literally getting sick from it. THAT IS SO SCARY AND SO NOT GOOD.

Hehehehehe, she totally spied on Albus with her new lens, hehehehe how cute :'D I loved how James was teasing her though. I like that he treats her like a younger sister. It's really sweet :)

Another fantastic chapter! Feel free to request again! :D

10/10

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Kayla, hi!

Ah, cleaning the house. I have to do that. Erm, tomorrow. Maybe. lol!

Do not trust the bunny. I tell you this.

Ah, good. Flow is good. Thanks for looking at that. And yeah, I want to make coconut pecan cake. It seems like such a yummy idea.

Thanks for reading and reviewing! I will definitely rerequest again!

Pix


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Review #24, by Mia 22. Charmed Hearts

25th January 2015:
Hi! This is the first time i'm reviewing so I feel slightly guilty but hopefully this long, chunky one will make up for the lack of reviews on my part.

Honestly, this has to be the most unique fic i've ever read and I really, truly love it! I love, love, love how you've turned this simple idea of a pet rabbit into this obsession of Wren's and every time we read Bunny communicating to her, I literally get goosebumps. There's just this creepy vibe all the way through and when you're reading at 3am (I stayed up till 5 reading up to this chapter), the mood and atmosphere is so much more emphatic.

And the mystery is killing me! Who is Dillon? Who is his mother? Is Smeed the good guy or the bad guy? What's up with Gran? Questions, questions, questions. I have a few theories brewing in my mind but I don't want to make incorrect conjectures haha. How long do you think this fic will be? Have you got some sort of plan?

What is up with Mr Summers, and Madam Pince and everyone else like Sloan and Charles- ack! I know they're turning into Thralls or something but how are the council involved (WHO are the council?) and what's McGonagall going to do about it all? I hope we get to see Wren (and Albus) do badass things though- like save the day and stuff.

Okay on to Albus/Wren- they're just so cute! Poor Albus thinks Nate is going out with Wren and poor Wren, so distracted by Bunny and his consuming presence that she can't even think straight! I like your characterization of Albus, the genius but gentle boy and I like the dynamic between Albus and James. It's not like full on hatred like you get in some fics and it's not a loving, everything's perfect sort of relationship. I think you've developed a very realistic, canon like bond between the two. I love the 'stealing the map from each other' war they've got going on and I feel a bit sorry for Al, having to wear all those anti-hex bands, hopefully we'll see James mature a bit in the near future.

I rambled on a bit there, but I'm seriously awaiting an Albus and Wren kiss! It has to be during just the right moment though- we wouldn't want all this wait to end up leading to an anti climatic get together.
It's really nice to see Wren opening up to Albus and finally telling him a little bit about Bunny, and Albus is such a sweet heart for being so nice to Wren no matter what.

I'm a bit iffy about Rose, I like how you've given her such realistic flaws, something a lot of us can relate to. I've met a lot of self absorbed people, even i'm very self absorbed on occasion so in a lot of ways, I can't really judge Rose. You've given Rose the 'competitive, bossy nature' of her mother and 'clueless' nature of her father. But at the same time Rose IS loyal, Wren just had to be very upfront about her problems rather than wait for Rose to cotton on. I hope we see Rose playing a more active part in the whole rabbit ordeal but if not, I do like Rose because she's always talking about such teenagery things, it's like she's a nice reminder that they're all still young and hormonal haha.

Who else?? Scorpius! He's great really, I mean he does have slightly questionable morals seeing as he used Serena, but then again Serena uses boys just for her photography! Scorpius is a good best friend to Albus, his joking manner compliments Albus' more serious and grounded disposition. And in a lot of ways I think Scorpius and Rose would be nice together, I think their relationship is a lot like what Ron and Hermione experienced in their sixth year (Ron using Lavender like Scorpius did Serena) so it's quite cool seeing the parallels going on there.

This review is getting ridiculously long so i'll end it here, there's only two more chapters after this so do update soon! I'm really curious about how you're going to reveal the mystery to us all.

Thanks for a brilliant fic,

Mia x

Author's Response:

You are a three-layer cake with colored sprinkles!!!

Thanks so much for taking the time to stop and comment on my story. It makes me happy that there are people who get sucked into it and can't put it down, but seriously, sleep is NOT overrated. Don't listen to the people who tell you otherwise. :P

Yes, there are lots of questions. Good thing you listed yours too, because I'm at the end of my fic and I wanted to make a list of things that I had to cover in order to wrap this up nicely. Most of your questions made it onto my list, so thanks for that!

Aww, Albus! I wanted him to be some normal kid, not with any real serious issues, but just someone that people can relate to . Everyone at this age thinks that their problems are the biggest/worst/most complex problems of all, and really, everyone is going through the same hardship of trying to understand themselves and the world around them. so I'm really happy that Albus' relationships with James and Scorpius feel good to you.

Yeah, I have some issues with Rose. I didn't do her character the justice that she deserved, so I'm planning some revising over the next month to strengthen her up a bit, make her more relatable and give her friendship with Wren the attention that it deserves. Not too much of a change, but enough that it's "there" instead of being "implied". It seems that no matter how much I think about things while I'm writing, I always miss SOMETHING. Revision is my friend.

I love Scorpius too. He's the easiest to write for me, mostly because he's already so comfortable with who he is, and he's not ashamed of himself. Though sometimes I think he should be. LOL!

I hope you get a chance to come back and read this when it's done. I'm going to put a blind completion date of end of July for this fic.

Thanks again for making my day brighter and leaving me such a lovely review!

Pix


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Review #25, by adluvshp 11. Hearts Enthralled

24th January 2015:
Hey again.

So, I loved the History of Magic discussion in the beginning of the story. At first I felt it was a little unnecessary but then I realised it was definitely necessary as the talk shifted to vampires. It's confirmed now (I think) that Dillon is a vampire. It also looks like his mother might have been his thrall, or the rabbits are the thralls and so are the people that get connected to the rabbits minds. I may be wrong but that's what it looks like to me right now. Good job on clearing some stuff up using the lesson.

Uh I do not like Ian. He sounds like an idiot. Albus on the other hand is adorable. I am glad he and Wren got to spend some time together. It was very interesting to see Madam Pince so lively and out-of-character here too, must be the effect of the rabbit. I wonder what is in the punch - it feels like she is trying to get Rose's mind to connect with the rabbit's again, though Mr Summers also felt its effects, which was weird. Again, the mystery continues.

So far, Wren's character has been consistent and I liked her. However, I felt like it was a bit strange of Wren to let her best friend Rose get close to Ian when she knows what kind of a person Ian is. I feel like she should have probably tried talking to Rose again or something, instead of just being like "But if Rose didn't mind being treated like a cuff link and being kissed like someone was siphoning her brain through her throat, then that was her problem!" That was a bit mean on her part and it didn't seem much like Wren.

Other than that, I think this chapter was very good, with definitely further progress into the mystery. I'm curious to see what's up with the grey rabbit and Bunny and what happens to Wren and her friends now. Good job!

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response:

Hello!

History of Magic can be excruciatingly boring under the proper conditions. I thought it would be fun to do something with the class to help out the characters a bit. You know, because there's this mystery, and they don't have a clue, and it could be bad if they don't figure things out... I can see by your comments that you were one of the people who actually paid attention, instead of charming paper airplanes and whatnot.

I'll just clear this up right now. Ian is not to be liked. He IS an idiot. There.

Hey, you know that stubborn friend who never listens to you until it's too late? Erm, that's what's going on there. Wren is well aware that Rose has heard the stories. And well... Rose. I suppose Wren could have tried harder, but why waste your breath when you know they won't listen?

I am so glad you are still curious about the mystery and rabbits, and Wren and her friends too. Thanks for all your comments!


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