Reading Reviews for Rabbit Heart
  
173 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MadiMalfoy Hearts and Minds

30th March 2015:
Hello hello! It's been a good 2 and a half months since you requested this review, and severely apologize!

Anywho, I decided to read a few chapters to really get into the plot a little bit more as per your request, and boy did it get interesting! The point of view change between Wren & Albus really helps to thicken the plot somewhat and explains how both of them are nervous for tow different things but they can't tell the other (or won't tell) about it, which is killing the other. I am very curious to see where you go with Wren's bunny--I have an inkling you've pulled stuff in from the first chapter with the bunny and that it will be a subplot/plot device later on. Also I am excited to see how you work with Albus's crush on Wren and his increasing awkwardness as he grows taller, and also Wren's understanding of the feelings she might possibly be developing for Albus too.

I am very very interested to see what Albus manages to do with getting back at James for all the pranks this summer! Eep, I'll definitely be back to read more of this when I have more time! Please feel free to re-request again! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello to you!

I'm so glad you came over to read, and thanks so much for reading ahead a few chapters. It's really the only way I can get people to comment on plot arcs. Not that I mind the chapter-by-chapter reviews, but I hardly ever get crit on overall arcs, so thanks.

Ah, the rabbit is very integral to the plot. He's in there, all the way. I'm not sure if I handled Albus' prolonged awkwardness enough, but I definitely followed through with the pranking issue. In fact, it's about to wrap up in a chapter or two, which I'm excited about.

Thanks so much for the read-through. I'll definitely rerequest again!

Pix


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Review #2, by UnluckyStar57 Stone Hearted

15th March 2015:
After months and months, I am BACK to review chapter 9, and maybe I won't be so tardy next time. There are so many chapters of this crazy, creepy, brilliant story now! :O

Honestly, I'm sort of the dumb, gullible reader who will believe anything you throw at me, as long as it's mildly plausible. So the hints of zombie-ism, wandless magic (or lack of ability to do magic), and Gran's dark and tragic actions are spinning around in my head and I have no idea what to do with them.

Ugh, but I love it. Wren is dealing with a WHOLE LOT, rabbits aside. Like, she could probably be diagnosed with a Muggle psychological disorder at this point because of how messed up her life (and thereby, her mind) has become. But is she turning into some kind of weird rabbit zombie?! I'm not sure at all...

It's absolutely terrible that she had to find out about Gran's decision from some paperwork at St. Mungo's. That in itself is scarring, coupled with the fact that the person behind the decision is the one who gave her a passion for saving the lives of animals in the first place... All that revelation really makes me think about the perspective we have on Gran, though. Is she having these spells of un-Gran-ness because of repressed guilt over "killing" her son and daughter-in-law? Has she somehow been affected by the creepiness of the rabbits/other creatures she took care of? Is she turning into a zombie?!

Seriously, that stuff with seeing Alice Longbottom's hand twitch and imagining zombies really was very creepy. Thank Merlin for Albus the Nerd, who tells zombie jokes that calm Wren's nerves--as well as my own. Like, if I thought killer rabbits were bad, killer rabbit zombies are even WORSE.

Question: Is any of this inspired by Bunnicula, that children's book about the Dracula-rabbit? It sometimes reminds me of that, except that this is WAY darker and I continue to be baffled by the rabbits (but in a good--albeit creepy--way).

I'm definitely on Team Smeed-Is-Not-A-Bad-Guy, but I could be very wrong. The tea that he gave Wren seemed to help a lot, and I'm hoping that he kind of knows about the rabbit situation and is on a mission to stop it. (Plus, I might remember from a few chapters back--is he a vampire/immortal-esque being of some sort?) I thought the tea might make her forget about that stupid rabbit, but no, she thought of Bunny immediately after drinking the tea...

Aggh! Such a brilliant web you weave! I've really got to start keeping up with this story more, because every time I read it, I get sucked back in...

Again, sorry this review was so late. I apologize for being the human equivalent of a trashcan, but I hope you won't hold it against me. :P

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Oh Hey!!!

After many weeks, I am finally giving a response to this awesome review of yours!

You are definitely my kind of reader! Mildly plausible is a specialty of mine, as is zombie-ism, wandless magic (it's canon, sort of :P)and old people with secrets to hide. So glad you're on the same train with me on that. Which is why I'm also so happy you have returned to this story! Woot!

Aww, no. This story is not inspired by Bunnicula, but a friend of mine pointed out that vampire rabbits have been done before. I never read that book, but after someone told me about it, I Googled the plot. Interesting. I might have to read those books, just to say that I have. :)

Team Smeed-Is-Not-A-Bad-Guy is a good team to be on. And yeah, he's a vampire. That might make him sort of bad, but not in a bad way. Wow. That just didn't make any sense at all. Now I'm messing with my own head.

Feel free to get sucked in anytime. You're always welcome! Currently, I'm writing the last five chapters (30 in all), and I won't be posting again until this thing is done. I have this unnerving fear of posting too early, and then discovering that I dropped an essential thread. Eek! The nightmares!

Thanks for the awesome review!

Pix


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Review #3, by Roisin Trusting Hearts

8th March 2015:
"Where's Frank?" *DIES.*

I DIED. Augusta's dementia is written with such heartbreaking, perfect, honest pathos. Also, the flying pillows are part of her dementia-magic? That is a brilliant idea--like, so amazing. I can't believe I never thought about that. My grandfather always said old age was the 'second childhood.' So it makes sense that someone very old might have the same uncontrollable magical situations as small/pre-Hogwarts children. And there's a huge amount of metaphor there. Plus, the pain of seeing someone with dementia or alzheimers is augmented by the danger of it (forgetting things, wandering off, etc). By including a magical element, you really ramp up the examination you are doing. BRAVO.

And speaking of Bravo's--CREEPY BOY. I love what you did with weaving in his POV. And then the fact that Wren is so skind to him really mirrors how she treats bunny! And like, sure, WE know that the kid is scary and the bunny is somehow evil, because we know we are reading a story. But of course she wouldn't see either of those things as threatening. Like, she's not a dumb girl in a horror movie deciding to explore the attic alone. Her decisions make sense.

HOW DOES THIS ALL CONNECT?!?!?! I am so excited by this story, because I literally have no theories as to where it will go. I can't even try. I'm just excited to see what happens!

Author's Response: No! Don't die!!! I ned you!!!

Aww, thanks! Augusta's story is a bit heartbreaking, and you can't be anything but honest about it. I was thinking about oldness and youngness, and the connections between them. So it makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

Yes! Creepy Boy!!

Ah, am I keeping you guessing? That you care enough to guess just warms my heart. I hope you get a chance to come back some time.

Thanks for such a lovely review! (and I fixed the chapter order, lol!)


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Review #4, by Roisin Cold Toes, Warm Heart

8th March 2015:
So I am the worst. I would say '/hides/' BUT I HAVE DONE ENOUGH HIDING. Guh--I won't bore you with my stresses, but I will say that I LOVE this story and I'm so sorry I was the worst swap partner ever! I never thought I would bail so badly!

On to your, much over-due, reviews:

Wren is such an interesting and dynamic character! I think it's amazing that you make her so likable and relatable, but still complicated. Like, I wouldn't even say she's flawed so much as she's realistic. What's strange (amazing) is that while she feels very YOUNG (like, accurately teenaged), I still get this sense that she's Mature For Her Age. Or at least, she kind of puts it on. But then her internal monologue and behaviors still do feel very young. Like, she's the sort of person where adults might say "oh, you're so grown up for your age," and maybe even her peers. But since we get to see inside her head, the reader can tell how young she is. But it's subtle. GAH, I can't explain it, but it's really well done. Like, that's a very difficult tightrope to walk, but you've written it in a way that's SO on point and realistic.

Which really has a lot to do with how well written this is! The language and prose itself proves an incredibly high level of mastery. You succeed in letting me get lost in an engrossing story, while still marveling over the beauty of the writing itself. Just rhythmically and pacing-wise, it really works. The variation of sentence lengths and tension builds/breaks are so well done.

Also, I like that you kind of trust your reader to be smart. Things never feel belaboured or spelled out--there's all this subtle stuff with Albus (AND RABBIT), but you respect your reader to get what's happening/implied to happen, without beating them over the head with it.

Also, can I just address the main thing: BUNNY. How did you make a bunny so creepy??? They are the actual cutest things ever! And also, like, the bunny is still CUTE while being creepy. I mean, the effect it's having on Wren is obvious, but whenever we see it, you give us these adorable descriptions!

This is just SUCH an original and amazing story. I really have never seen anything like it. And I have NO IDEA where it's going to go, but I'm so excited about seeing it progress!

Again, I am sososososossosososososososossoso sorry for being so late on our swap. Especially since this story deserves so much better!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: Hi Roisin!

Gah, stress. My old friend. I completely understand, so I am delighted that you have found the time to stop by.

I am SO happy you find Wren likable and relatable, AND complicated. If you dig deep enough, EVERYONE's got SOMETHING that they're working through. It's generally called "the human condition". I am also really grateful that you picked up on her feel, which was exactly what I was going for, oh my gosh! Her parents give her a lot of credit for being responsible, and she has earned a great amount of trust from them, but she's still a kid (maybe and old kid, but still not an adult, you know?) and she hasn't gotten to the "I'm all grown up, can't you see?" stage. So, yeah. What you said. :P

Aww, thanks for the lovely words on my prose! Part of me worries that when people comment on stuff like that, I might have made it "too" pretty, that it pulls you out of the story, but I'll take it as a compliment. *blushes*

Yes. I demand that my readers keep up with the story and pay attention. I hate it when authors say things like, "See? See what I did there? I did that THING because it means my character is in PAIN. Did you see that?"

Argh. Anyway. On the other side of the coin, I have to watch myself with the vagueness. Sometimes I write myself into this fog and don't actually say anything about what's going on, which just leaves the reader frustrated and upset at me. It's a weakness, this lack of clarity. Most of the time, my betas beat that out of me in the second draft. So it's generally all good by the time it gets posted.

Bunny is so cute AND creepy, isn't he? I love that about him.

Thanks for the lovely comments, and I do hope you get a chance to at least skim through the rest of this crazy idea I had. Don't feel compelled to comment on every chapter. These days, I'm more looking for comments on the overall story and character arcs, and how to make those connections stronger. I'm not planning to rewrite this thing, but after the last five chapters get posted, I do want to make a few adjustments.

Happy writing!
Pix


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Review #5, by ohmymerlin Distant Hearts

26th January 2015:
Hey, there! I'm here from my review thread! Sorry about the delay! I was going on a lot of holidays and when I wasn't I was packing/unpacking/cleaning the house. Anyway, I'm here now!

First of all: coconut pecan cake sounds amazing. Where can I get this heavenly cake? :P

OKAY WHAT ON EARTH IS UP WITH THAT BUNNY HOLY MOLY I DO NOT TRUST THAT THING

WAIT WAIT WHO AND WHAT IS DILLON AND WHY DOES HE WANT SUCH A STRONG AND WEIRD CONNECTION TO WREN THIS IS SO FREAKY but I can't just stop imagining how cute it would be to have a basket of baby bunnies :'D

Before I forget, nothing sticks out! Everything is still flowing nicely :D

But ugh that bunny is so ridiculously creepy. She's literally getting sick from it. THAT IS SO SCARY AND SO NOT GOOD.

Hehehehehe, she totally spied on Albus with her new lens, hehehehe how cute :'D I loved how James was teasing her though. I like that he treats her like a younger sister. It's really sweet :)

Another fantastic chapter! Feel free to request again! :D

10/10

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Kayla, hi!

Ah, cleaning the house. I have to do that. Erm, tomorrow. Maybe. lol!

Do not trust the bunny. I tell you this.

Ah, good. Flow is good. Thanks for looking at that. And yeah, I want to make coconut pecan cake. It seems like such a yummy idea.

Thanks for reading and reviewing! I will definitely rerequest again!

Pix


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Review #6, by Mia Charmed Hearts

25th January 2015:
Hi! This is the first time i'm reviewing so I feel slightly guilty but hopefully this long, chunky one will make up for the lack of reviews on my part.

Honestly, this has to be the most unique fic i've ever read and I really, truly love it! I love, love, love how you've turned this simple idea of a pet rabbit into this obsession of Wren's and every time we read Bunny communicating to her, I literally get goosebumps. There's just this creepy vibe all the way through and when you're reading at 3am (I stayed up till 5 reading up to this chapter), the mood and atmosphere is so much more emphatic.

And the mystery is killing me! Who is Dillon? Who is his mother? Is Smeed the good guy or the bad guy? What's up with Gran? Questions, questions, questions. I have a few theories brewing in my mind but I don't want to make incorrect conjectures haha. How long do you think this fic will be? Have you got some sort of plan?

What is up with Mr Summers, and Madam Pince and everyone else like Sloan and Charles- ack! I know they're turning into Thralls or something but how are the council involved (WHO are the council?) and what's McGonagall going to do about it all? I hope we get to see Wren (and Albus) do badass things though- like save the day and stuff.

Okay on to Albus/Wren- they're just so cute! Poor Albus thinks Nate is going out with Wren and poor Wren, so distracted by Bunny and his consuming presence that she can't even think straight! I like your characterization of Albus, the genius but gentle boy and I like the dynamic between Albus and James. It's not like full on hatred like you get in some fics and it's not a loving, everything's perfect sort of relationship. I think you've developed a very realistic, canon like bond between the two. I love the 'stealing the map from each other' war they've got going on and I feel a bit sorry for Al, having to wear all those anti-hex bands, hopefully we'll see James mature a bit in the near future.

I rambled on a bit there, but I'm seriously awaiting an Albus and Wren kiss! It has to be during just the right moment though- we wouldn't want all this wait to end up leading to an anti climatic get together.
It's really nice to see Wren opening up to Albus and finally telling him a little bit about Bunny, and Albus is such a sweet heart for being so nice to Wren no matter what.

I'm a bit iffy about Rose, I like how you've given her such realistic flaws, something a lot of us can relate to. I've met a lot of self absorbed people, even i'm very self absorbed on occasion so in a lot of ways, I can't really judge Rose. You've given Rose the 'competitive, bossy nature' of her mother and 'clueless' nature of her father. But at the same time Rose IS loyal, Wren just had to be very upfront about her problems rather than wait for Rose to cotton on. I hope we see Rose playing a more active part in the whole rabbit ordeal but if not, I do like Rose because she's always talking about such teenagery things, it's like she's a nice reminder that they're all still young and hormonal haha.

Who else?? Scorpius! He's great really, I mean he does have slightly questionable morals seeing as he used Serena, but then again Serena uses boys just for her photography! Scorpius is a good best friend to Albus, his joking manner compliments Albus' more serious and grounded disposition. And in a lot of ways I think Scorpius and Rose would be nice together, I think their relationship is a lot like what Ron and Hermione experienced in their sixth year (Ron using Lavender like Scorpius did Serena) so it's quite cool seeing the parallels going on there.

This review is getting ridiculously long so i'll end it here, there's only two more chapters after this so do update soon! I'm really curious about how you're going to reveal the mystery to us all.

Thanks for a brilliant fic,

Mia x

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Review #7, by adluvshp Hearts Enthralled

24th January 2015:
Hey again.

So, I loved the History of Magic discussion in the beginning of the story. At first I felt it was a little unnecessary but then I realised it was definitely necessary as the talk shifted to vampires. It's confirmed now (I think) that Dillon is a vampire. It also looks like his mother might have been his thrall, or the rabbits are the thralls and so are the people that get connected to the rabbits minds. I may be wrong but that's what it looks like to me right now. Good job on clearing some stuff up using the lesson.

Uh I do not like Ian. He sounds like an idiot. Albus on the other hand is adorable. I am glad he and Wren got to spend some time together. It was very interesting to see Madam Pince so lively and out-of-character here too, must be the effect of the rabbit. I wonder what is in the punch - it feels like she is trying to get Rose's mind to connect with the rabbit's again, though Mr Summers also felt its effects, which was weird. Again, the mystery continues.

So far, Wren's character has been consistent and I liked her. However, I felt like it was a bit strange of Wren to let her best friend Rose get close to Ian when she knows what kind of a person Ian is. I feel like she should have probably tried talking to Rose again or something, instead of just being like "But if Rose didn't mind being treated like a cuff link and being kissed like someone was siphoning her brain through her throat, then that was her problem!" That was a bit mean on her part and it didn't seem much like Wren.

Other than that, I think this chapter was very good, with definitely further progress into the mystery. I'm curious to see what's up with the grey rabbit and Bunny and what happens to Wren and her friends now. Good job!

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response:

Hello!

History of Magic can be excruciatingly boring under the proper conditions. I thought it would be fun to do something with the class to help out the characters a bit. You know, because there's this mystery, and they don't have a clue, and it could be bad if they don't figure things out... I can see by your comments that you were one of the people who actually paid attention, instead of charming paper airplanes and whatnot.

I'll just clear this up right now. Ian is not to be liked. He IS an idiot. There.

Hey, you know that stubborn friend who never listens to you until it's too late? Erm, that's what's going on there. Wren is well aware that Rose has heard the stories. And well... Rose. I suppose Wren could have tried harder, but why waste your breath when you know they won't listen?

I am so glad you are still curious about the mystery and rabbits, and Wren and her friends too. Thanks for all your comments!


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Review #8, by adluvshp Losing Heart

24th January 2015:
Hey! I'm back again.

So it looks like Dillon is a vampire, or something similar and he has been feeding off his rabbits. He probably fed off his mother too. And it looks like he's been around a very long time if the wise old man he is talking about is Dumbledore.

I love how we get to know more about Dillon's past here. It is definitely some progress into the story. For the past few chapters, I felt like the plot was slightly dragging but I'm glad things are back in full swing now.

I am also curious as to why Albus' rabbit didn't connect with him the way Wren's did with hers. Maybe Albus' rabbit didn't bite him (I can't seem to remember) but Wren's did - and they form the connection with a bite? The way the rabbit did with Madam Pince. It is indeed very interesting, the way layers and layers of the mystery are unravelling slow.

So it looks like Smeed did give Wren some helpful stuff and not poison because her head is clearer now and she's back to her normal self. It also looks like her magic is slowly coming back to her. But then, how long is that going to last? Questions, questions.

I felt your characterisation of Rose was a little over the top. We get that she wants to be the top of the class but I don't think she'd be so rude over something like Albus and Scorpius getting more marks than her. It just doesn't feel like Ron and Hermione's daughter would be brought up that way. But it could just be my perception of it...

I'm pleased Albus finally talked to Rose, albeit it wasn't about his feelings, but it was something. Maybe now Rose and Albus can work on the mystery of the missing rabbit together and bond.

Another thing I found strange was Albus dismissing his pain as 'growing pains'. I don't think at his age people get growing pains - it could have been more believable if he had dismissed it as a muscle pull or something of that sort.

Finally, I think you nailed Madam Pince's characterisation. I'd definitely portray her like that if I had to. It was pretty amusing to read, until of course the rabbit showed up.

Now, I'm just worried for Wren and her friends - these rabbits and Dillon seem to be E-V-I-L and I want them as far away from Wren and her friends as possible. Lol.

All in all, great chapter and some good progress into the plot here. I hope this pace is maintained for future chapters.

Cheers!
AditiDraco95

Author's Response:
Yeah, there were a bunch of small points that I had to cover before the plot ran away again. I hope it didn't drag the story too much. I've decided that I don't love writing teens. Maybe my next story will be about grumpy old men. Much easier to deal with. :P

And I feel you on Rose too. Man, you should have seen her in the first draft... on second thought, it's better that you didn't. Unfortunately, there are people in the world like her, and as much as we don't like to see it, there it is. Ahh well.

Funny you brought up the growing pains thing. I have had mixed reactions to this. Some people (both females and males)think it's not likely that the growth I described was realistic, while others, both females and males who have been through it personally, say it's quite painful, both during and after the growth spurt. So, there you go. I guess it comes down to personal experience.

Ahh, Madame Pince was a hoot. Poor woman. I'm glad you agreed with her characterization. Thanks for spending another chapter with me!


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Review #9, by adluvshp Stone Hearted

21st January 2015:
Hey again!

This was another brilliant chapter. Smeed is definitely interesting - I like his character though - I think he kinda knows about the rabbits and helped Wren clear her head with the tea. I hope she continues taking those in future as well.

Reading about Gran's decision was quite sad and Wren's reaction to it all was of course believable. I liked how you showed the whole situation here. Poor Wren, I really wish she could talk to someone about her fears of being like Gran and losing her magic and stuff, she really needs to be taken seriously on the matter and that bunny needs to be looked into.

I enjoyed the narrative as usual and was pleased to see a good balance here between descriptions and dialogue/thoughts. No CC here. Good job!

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response:

Smeed has been giving me fits. I like his character too, which is probably why I went through the effort of including more of him in the story than I had originally planned. It turned out that he was right to demand it. Crazy subplots!

I wasn't sure about putting so much of Gran in the story, but at the time, it felt right. It gives Wren some heavy background that she has to deal with.

I'm glad you felt the narrative was balanced here. Thanks for the continued comments!


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Review #10, by adluvshp Hearts and Spades

21st January 2015:
Hey! Here for TGS Review Exchange.

Okay so things are slightly getting clearer but at the same time they're also getting confusing. I am so worried about poor Wren - all she can think about is Bunny and that's not surprising after what I found out in the previous chapter. I just hope someone realises something is wrong with Wren soon and does something about it. Albus has of course kinda felt it but he is still too unsure to do anything about it.

Speaking of, poor Albus. This bunny is jeopardising his relationship with Wren too which I really don't like. Evil, evil bunny. And of course there is Albus' bunny to consider as well - who is not so adorable as Wren's and is definitely not overpowering his thoughts (thank merlin). So I wonder what's up with that.

I loved the little details in this story such as that of Scorpius and Albus' friendship and the whole photography development process. I wonder if Wren will catch on to the weirdness of it all through her photographs with the blue light and stuff. And then this one day without Bunny is also going to be interesting - I'm very interested to know what happens next.

The only CC I have is I felt that this chapter was a little too heavy on description and less focused on the action/thoughts/plot. But I guess we all need the filler chapters every now and then.

Other than that, this was great writing with your usual superb narrative. Good job!

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Hi!

Yes, Albus is feeling things, particularly that things are not right with Wren. Let's both hope they get more clues before things go badly.

I'm glad you like Scorpius' friendship with Albus. It's so fun to write them like that. I thought the photography stuff was interesting too. I'm hoping the chapter wasn't too much on filler for you. Sometimes I use description to give clues as well.

Thanks for the comments. See you next chapter!


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Review #11, by adluvshp Heart To Handle

18th January 2015:
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums.

I'm so glad you requested because I've been meaning to read this story further - it's so so interesting - but just not been getting the time. This is all getting quite confusing as well, but in an intriguing way. I'm curious to see where this is all headed, what exactly is up with Dillion and the rabbits. Man, it's all kinda creepy.

Getting to your concerns, your subplots are definitely not dragging. I like reading them; it's good to have breaks from the thick of the mystery to be balanced with other stuff that's happening - such as Wren's classes, her friends, her love life with Albus, and of course the strange new boy. It gives a sense of realism to everything that's going on and doesn't overpower the main plot of the rabbits and Dillion so it's good.

I think so far the continuity is good - there is a nice smooth flow between chapters and I'm enjoying reading the story. The mystery continues to build up and it excites me. I'm worried for Wren - especially now that I know Dillion can somehow connect his mind with the rabbits, and the rabbits with the people they get attached to - it's all quite spooky and dangerous. I can definitely see the rabbits on their way to becoming the 'world's worst fear' - I am just curious to see how it works out further.

All in all, this was another very interesting chapter and I like the pace you're moving at. There were some new details revealed and some more touches to Wren's story herself. I am really excited to read further and I'll try to come back and review as soon as I can.

I don't have any CC for you - really this was superb. Great job!

10/10
Cheers
AditiDraco95

Author's Response:
Hey!

Glad that you're back for more! I guess curiosity is a good thing. We'll roll with that.

I thought that breaks from the overall mystery might be a good thing, but then when my characters started demanding more page time, I wondered if they were overriding the story. I'm glad it adds some realism to the fantastical plot weirdness. :)

Very relived about the flow between chapters and the feeling that the mystery is building. It's definitely spooky, and it's supposed to feel dangerous, so I'm feeling better about that too. And no crit?? Okay, I'll take that as a compliment. Thanks!

Thanks for the review, and for commenting on the specific things that I asked for. Hope to see you again soon!


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Review #12, by MargaretLane Beating Hearts

15th January 2015:
Apologies for the delay in getting around to reading this.

I had to laugh at his reference to his title. He appears to have a sense of humour about it.

OK, I'm now getting a bit creeped out by Nate. I assumed it was just a coincidence his uncle was a vampire too, but like Wren says, it IS rather a coincidence and Nate comment about her "not being ready yet" and seeing things as they do sounds like he might be hinting at something more than just "I didn't think she'd be prejudiced against him.

You've no paragraph break after her comment about another vampire trying to take over the school.

I don't think he necessarily IS trying to take over the school actually. Whether he's a good guy or a villain has yet to be determined, but either way, I suspect it's a little more complicated than his just trying to take over the school. Maybe he's the other guy helping Smeed solve it. That seems probable actually.

Hmm, I wonder why Nate's mother didn't want him at Hogwarts and what that part about the flu refers to. There seems to be more going on here than we know of.

I can't help feeling sorry for Dillon. I get the impression he is likely to be killed or something like that and he is just a kid.

It would probably be better to put Nate grabbing Wren's arm on the same line as his previous dialogue. I got a little confused and had to reread because I was beginning to wonder which of them had said the previous line.

Oh gosh, what are they planning to do to Rose? Turn her into a vampire maybe? I hope Albus and Scorpius are able to stop them.

Oh gosh, is it McGonagall he's hoping to entrall at the end? He'll have quite a job doing that.

I sort of thought things were improving and coming to a point where things were going to be solved, but the ending sounds kind of ominous and as if it's not over yet.

This story is always intriguing. It never gets obvious where it's going.

Author's Response: Hi! You're back!

Nate's uncle has a bit of a sense of humor about his situation, that's true. I think it gets him through the long nights.

I generally wanted to give Nate a little more life, but I think I might have gone overboard with it a bit. It's hard to drop hints if you're not going to go back and fill in the gaps later. Anyway, the bit with his mother was supposed to give him more color. It shows that she's overprotective and that she trusts a vampire to take care of him.

The story isn't quite over yet. After this, I have five more chapters. Then I'm going out for ice cream. Maybe pie.

Hey, I'm glad the story keeps you guessing, but I hope that's in a good way, and not in a wow-I'm-really-confused-what-is-this-author-doing way. :)

Thanks for another lovely review, and as always, thanks for continuing on with my story!


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Review #13, by MadiMalfoy Have a Heart

13th January 2015:
Hello! MadiMalfoy here with your requested review from a couple weeks ago! :)

Yay for obscure characters/original characters! These kinds of stories are my favorite :) Okay so you were mainly worried about plot flow and interest level, and also if your subplots were dragging or you were using too many characters.

Since this is just the first chapter and you have to introduce your OC Wren Longbottom, I don't think you have to worry about it dragging just yet, or using too many characters. It's the opening chapter so it's meant to set up the story and reel the reader in--which it does. Even with an OC, your opening lines intrigued me and made me want to read further in the story and figure out what this bright light was and why it had such a negative connotation to Wren. As far as the flow of the plot, I think you've got it moving along quite nicely, and your descriptions of the scenes are absolutely stunning and really help us as readers imagine the world you're seeing in your head as you write. Your spare usage of passive voice also helps as well as it keeps us from trudging along with "was helping" and "were running" etc. You cut straight to the point but still retain the necessary elements of a story and embellish it well.

Great opening chapter, feel free to request again! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm glad you liked my choice of characters from canon. The story concept came way before the character selection, and I thought that Wren was a good choice for it. She has the background that I found intriguing, and it seemed to mesh nicely with what I had in mind.

I try hard not to slip into passive voice, unless it's absolutely necessary. The scene should have forward momentum, and I don't want it to start dragging. That's not to say that passive voice doesn't have a place. But I like to use it as sparingly as possible.

Thanks for the feedback. I will definitely re-request!


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Review #14, by The Basilisk Hearts and Spades

9th January 2015:
Hola!!

Haha, Al's bunny is so funny to hear about though probably evil. It seems like it would be a good friend for a Basilisk... or maybe just a snack. Ahem, anyway I do think it speaks to Al's character how he takes care of the rabbit even though it's evil instead of setting it free or something. He's such a nice guy! I wonder if it's a vampire rabbit or if Nate is secretly an Animagus and turns into the rabbit. I just don't trust him, haha.

It's interesting to see Wren through Al's eyes and how much he's noticed that she's changed. She really is acting oddly and I hope he realizes that it's not her trying to ignore him, but that she's being possessed by an evil but cutel bunny monster. Ooh, that just reminded me of Ginny being possessed by Riddle's diary in COS. Hmm, there are definitely some similarities especially in how the victims isolated themselves, and got absorbed with the object/animal that was manipulating them.

It's really interesting reading this interpretation of how magical photographs work. I was wondering if Wren's pictures including her one of Dillon would turn out due to their ghostly nature, and hmm I wonder what's going on exactly with her picture of Bunny? I'm also more curious about Serena too as it seems like there's more to her than there seems.

I love how Neville helped set up a darkroom for the students! It seems like the sort of nice and helpful thing he would do as a professor.

Another great chapter! :)

Author's Response:

Aww, poor rabbits! Naw, not really. You'd probably get along famously with it, and share stories of what it's like to live in the deep recesses of Potterdom. Props indeed to Albus for taking care of a monster thing like he cares!

Interesting association with Ginny and the diary. Let's pretend that I meant to do that. *nods*

You skepticism will serve you well here. You bring up some interesting points about the photography. I'm glad you found the interpretation of magical photography interesting. And Serena... I seriously have no idea where she came from, or how she elbowed her way into this story. Crazy characters! Actually, I wanted to show that Wren isn't the only student at Hogwarts that is into cameras. Because, well, she's not. LOL!

Thanks for another fantastic visit. What is your favorite snack? I would love to leave you a little something for the next time you drop by.



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Review #15, by The Basilisk Heart To Handle

9th January 2015:
Back for some more rabbit lovin'!

"Blubbering basilisk." - best line ever! :P

The rainbow sparks sound so beautiful! I liked the concentration on what it's like to be in classes at Hogwarts as they were so much of the magic of the original books. It was interesting to see how Wren gets so upset when she can't do the spell correctly, as well as her frustration about being known as Longbottom's daughter. It makes sense and is very relatable! :P

I also loved how Rose gets excited when people mention her mother's achievements! Very sweet and supportive of her.

I wonder if Wren's sudden inability to perform spells properly has something to do with Dillon suddenly being able to do magic? As if he's sucking out her power through the bond with the rabbit?

Maybe I'm just suspicious of everyone in this story who is new but now I'm wondering if Nate has something to do with the creepy rabbits as well. It just seems sketchy that Wren never noticed him before and nobody really seems to know him clearly. Could be some trickery involved. It's weird because I keep suspecting that there's some sort of evil rabbit conspiracy but also Dillon is so lonely and independent that perhaps he's not in cahoots with Smeed or Nate and they're just innocent bystanders.

I loved the scene with Dillon and learning more about him! :D He's so creepy but also really childlike and believable in his naivety.

Loving this story! :D

Author's Response:
Yes, I liked that line too. :P

A lot of fics avoid classroom scenes, or they belabor them to the point of being irrelevant to the story. This was my attempt... we'll just leave it at that.

Oooh, you have some great guesses there! The story mechanics were very convoluted when I was imagining this, so I hope it all gets explained rationally enough as we go along.

Ahh, suspicions are good! But Nate... such a nice guy.

Yay for creepy little boy scenes! Everything you said about him was exactly what I wanted to convey, so hurray!

Loving your comments! Come back anytime!


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Review #16, by The Basilisk Big as Hearts

8th January 2015:
Hola! :)

Aw, I felt sorry for the fat rabbit even though it was vicious! The scene with Scorpius was quite funny, I love his characterization here in how he's an obnoxious kid and a bit of a prince. It fits his upbringing really well, he reminds me a bit of Draco but not as much of a jerk. Hehe, I loved how his instinct was to bring the rabbit to Rose. Them being friendly enemies is a lot of fun in this story.

The scary thing about the rabbit curse is that it really seems to isolate her from her friends and cut her off from those who care about her. I think I said in a previous review how the rabbit is quite possessive of Wren and it really takes over her focus, which seems a little shady.

It was great seeing the relationships between the roomies and learning more about Wren's everyday life at Hogwarts! I always find those details so interesting in stories.

So Augusta knows what's going on and had a lucid moment! Hmm, her talking about her condition as an "it" and saying that it's her fault makes me think that perhaps it's some sort of family curse, possibly involving the rabbits and maybe the bungalow.

I liked the concentration on money and how stressed out Hannah is, and she's definitely a good tavern owner and a really nice boss to Nellie! Having worked in the service industry I found that whole scene very relatable. Smeed is very creepy however, particularly with his not eating very much. Perhaps he's another sort of vampire or ghost, or related to Dillon in another way?

Such a great chapter! The plot and pace in this story is so natural. It's a real pleasure to read!

Author's Response: Oh no, don't feel sorry for the fat rabbit! Lol. Actually, it's good that you have empathy for all the characters in the story, even the fat rabbits.

I love writing Scorpius in this story. I don't know what happened during character development to make him so much fun, but I'm going to roll with it. You're right, my stony-gazed friend, he's not as much of a jerk, but he still has that upbringing to color him.

Yes, the isolation is a big deal. It was difficult to balance Wren's character with the oppressive bunny stuff going on. I'm still not sure I got it the way I had imagined.

I like to think of Augusta as a very astute woman. If she has moments of clarity, I want her to understand what's happening, and be able to communicate that somehow.

Oh, I'm glad that the scene with Hannah is relatable. You have really interesting guesses. I hope you come back to see if you are correct!

It is a pleasure responding to these reviews! Thank you so much!


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Review #17, by The Basilisk Distant Hearts

8th January 2015:
Back again! Woot woot! :)

Ooh, Bunny just reached a whole new level of creepy. It's so odd how he's very possessive over Wren and wants to keep her away from her friends and family. And the moment where she thinks her mother is calling her was interesting. Maybe the bunny is Dillon's mother or connected to her somehow, which is why Wren associated the voice with being a mother? I really have no clue but am having fun wondering about the mystery.

The focus on Al's pants was great, hehe. I could really picture them in my mind. The description of the camera lens was great as well and a really neat device for showing the world to the reader in the way that Wren likes to look at it.

The scene with Dillon made me think that he's some kind of immortal vampire creature and maybe has been alive for a long time. The journal seemed old fashioned, as did the notion that perhaps they wore hats at Hogwarts. I don't know why but I feel like people wearing hats is very nineteenth century. :P Also the way he called the waitress "young" hinted that perhaps he's older than he looks. Even though he's scary he does seem to care for Wren and think of her as a friend!

Another great chapter, I'm really loving this story! :D

Author's Response:

Woot Woot!

So, umm, it just occurred to me that you must be using some sort of reflective surface to communicate with me, because I haven't been turned to stone yet. Actually, I have no idea what you look like or where you came from. But hey, I don't mind a little mystery. I thrive on mystery!

Yay for a whole new level of creepy! That's Bunny's job. Go be more creepy, I told him. So he did.

Albus' pants! And Wren's camera lens! What a fantastic combination, I thought. Glad you liked that.

I think there was a discussion about the Hogwarts hats recently on the forums. Someone was wondering where they all went. They were shown in the first film, but then they disappeared after that. Made me wonder too. It's supposed to be part of the dress code in canon, but we never hear about the hats after that.

Another fantastically unexpected review! Thank you so much!


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Review #18, by The Basilisk Hearts and Minds

8th January 2015:
Hi again! :)

The tension between Albus and Wren is interesting, especially because they both don't seem to want to explain what exactly the tension is about. I liked the background on how Wren has to put up with Al's relationships in the past. It was also funny how the shopgirls were fangirling over Albus, hehe. Must be tough to be a Potter. :P

I feel like Wren's slight fear of her grandparents is very rational. She might love them because she's supposed to, but I imagine that especially as a kid the visits would be hard to handle and process. It also fits with why she would be so worried about the idea that she might be going crazy if she has a family history and associates her grandparents and their fates with losing her mind.

I don't blame Al and Wren for taking so long to get together even though they both like one another. The tension between not wanting to ruin a good friendship but also wishing they could be more than friends is very believable.

Poor Albus, it seems like he really is upset with James constantly pranking him and taking things too far. It's interesting to see this tension between the brothers and seems like James is a bit of a bully, even if he doesn't necessarily realize it because it's to his own brother.

Another great chapter! :)

Author's Response:

Hi! Might I say that you are the greatest Basilisk I have ever had the pleasure of meeting?

Yes, I can imagine that Harry's children had to endure some kind of public scrutiny, even if he chose to shelter his family from that sort of thing. It would make him a target for... something.

I got the feeling that Wren would be obligated to feel a certain way about family members that she'd never met, with whom she never had a real relationship, and clearly everyone else around her had. When I started putting this story together, it made sense for her to have this sort of background, given the parents she has and their situations. If Augusta were still around, she'd still be visiting, so it makes sense that Wren would have that experience.

I'm glad you feel the tension between Albus and Wren. I hope I didn't go too overboard with it. I'm not very good at writing the touchy feely stuff. It's a challenge to get right, and to fit it into the story in the way that I want to tell it. It's nice to hear that right now, it seems believable.

I'd be upset with James too, if he was always pranking me. Some people don't handle certain freedoms as gracefully as others. Bad James!

I love you, Basilisk! If I had a chocolate shower, I would give it to you.


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Review #19, by The Basilisk Cold Toes, Warm Heart

8th January 2015:
Hello again! :)

Ah so interesting how Wren had a sort of vision through the bunny! I wonder if it's some sort of immortal creature, or an animal that used to be a human perhaps. I was wondering if perhaps Dillon is the rabbit that she set free but turned human but that does seem a bit farfetched. Although this is the Potterverse so I suppose anything is possible! :P It definitely seems to have some sort of power of Legilimency or at least bonding with Wren by putting images in her mind, which is really neat.

Aw, her and Albus are so cute together! I wonder if his growth spurt has any supernatural reasons behind it? I'm curious about the mysterious glow.

Wren definitely seems distracted and very absorbed by the bunny. Her lines at the end were interesting in how while she was upset her first reaction was to go and comfort the bunny, even though there wasn't any obvious danger to it. Hmm. I wonder if the bunny is somehow channeling Dillon's feelings of abandonment as well?

Looking forward to reading on!! :)

♥ from the Basilisk

Author's Response:

You have interesting guesses. Being an elusive creature yourself, I enjoyed your perspective on this chapter and the mysteries surrounding the rabbit and the boy.

Aww, nah. Albus just grew. And yes, I guess you could say that Dillon is channeling here a bit. He IS rather lonely.

You've come back for another review and another chapter! This is so cool!


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Review #20, by The Basilisk Trusting Hearts

8th January 2015:
Why hello there!! :D Being a dark creature myself, I just couldn't resist this ssstory which promisess to have some ssspooky elements. I enjoyed the first chapter so much that I just kept reading!

Wow, I find Gran's deterioration so heartbreaking but also relatable. You write the relationship Wren has with her grandmother really well, with the desperation she's feeling while also missing the person her grandmother used to be. I have a loved one with dementia and Gran's interactions reminded me a little of interacting with her and how helpless you feel sometimes.

The feeling of being in a big city is so vibrant here, I could really feel the atmosphere. How refuge can be found in a crowd, and that feeling of darkness settling over a busy place. It was so well written and really put me in the moment.

Wow, that little boy is so creepy! I got goosebumps when it said that he "looked dead into her eyes." If he's some sort of ghost, then that was really amazing foreshadowing (and a wonderful line nonetheless!).

Gah, he's so creepy but I loved how slipping into his perspective made me empathize with him more other than just being this creepy possible ghost boy. (Why are child ghosts always the scariest??) I liked how he thought it was nice to have a friend, and it makes me all the more curious about Dillon and his mother and the rabbits. Wren came across as so sweet too, it was neat seeing her from an external perspective.

Great chapter! :D

♥ from the Basilisk

Author's Response:
It's the elusive Basilisk!!! For me??? I am honored!

I certainly don't mind someone who reads a few chapters and then gives me a review later. I do that myself sometimes, in fact.

There is this helpless feeling when someone you care about isn't able to respond the way you know they used to. There's something tragic about that too. I'm glad that came across for you.

I know, what is this thing with creepy little boys? Exactly why he's in my story. I couldn't resist the vibe of him.

Thanks so much for the surprise review!


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Review #21, by Roisin Have a Heart

6th January 2015:
Here for our swap!

I was so interested by your story summary--it sounded so unlike anything else, so I had read. And it really IS rather a unique story already! I really like the character of Wren--she seems quite complex and has a lot going on (plus I loved that she is messy like me, and also resents getting help cleaning because you can never find anything after!)

I'm already really interested in this story. This intro chapter is particularly strong, and I already feel like several fascinating threads/potential plotlines have been introduced. I'm super stoked to keep reading!

And the whole chapter just shows an incredible amount of polish! The writing is consistently strong, and really well balanced, and nothing ever seemed gratuitous. I adore all of your characterizations, and the pacing and flow were all excellent! Basically, this is one of those elusive 'perfect chapters!'

I wish I'd taken notes or written down reactions while I read, but I was so taken up in the story that I got completely absorbed! I'm sorry I don't have any useful comments.

Needless to say, I'm definitely coming back to this story!

Author's Response:

Swapeeie!

That's not a word, but don't you feel that certain letter combinations SHOULD be real words?? Yeah, me too.

Oh gosh, the summary! I have no idea what to do with those. Sometimes, I feel like I should just leave it blank and go, "Read the first two paragraphs and decide from there." LOL.

Hey, Wren isn't supposed to be some tragic heroine in this story. Just a regular girl with real-life problems that get in the way of the way she thinks her life ought to be.

Wow. Maybe that should have been my summary. Nah, it's too mundane. Anyway, I'm glad it sucked you in, and I'm happy you can identify with Wren, and woah. I don't know about the "perfectness" of this chapter. But if you're still interested in reading on, and the characters are adorable, then it did its job. :)

Completely absorbed? I feel like I'm being showered with compliments over here. You put a big smile on my face! Come back anytime!


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Review #22, by Holly the Holiday Horklump Cold Toes, Warm Heart

6th January 2015:
I'm back!

I like how comfortable Wren is being alone--how comfortable she is with herself in general. I see her insecurities and fears too, but they color her and don't drown her, if that makes any sense! Her voice is very clear in this aspect, from how she reacts to assumptions people make of her--sort of inwardly irritated but also accustomed to them.

She and Albus are too cute! James, shoo, be an attention seeker elsewhere. I love Albus and his too short pants and Wren and her too-shortness. Not to mention her pondering over the consequences of his height and accidental cleavage. That was a really clever bit of humor!

Ahhh I really like the spiral into the horror you've hinted at. It doesn't seem too sudden at all, only that the little bits of creepiness are now clumping together and making something awfully creepy happen. I get the feeling like she saw a vision of what the rabbit's seeing, or what it saw when it used to be the forest (if it IS the rabbit from the forest). And I wonder how the rabbit might be connected to Gran, maybe even related to how she's sick; that penultimate paragraph didn't escape me. I missed Gran in this chapter; I'm probably hoping too soon for any improvement in her condition.

For CC, I would look at places where Wren is setting the scene via her observations and thoughts, as that can break up the action awkwardly, especially as many characters flow in. Think specifically about what information you'd like to convey, without ambiguity, because any uncertainty shows up in writing and can cause redundancy; I feel like I'm learning more about Wren amongst her friends, but I don't learn so many new things when she's homesick. While Wren being confused or undecided is realistic, it's often not the most descriptive or important quality for readers to know. I love the end of this chapter because it IS very certain in writing. It gives me exactly the foreboding feeling I think you mean to give, and I get that from what Wren is doing and her dialogue with Albus and the whirlwind of her going upstairs to the rabbit. Perfect pacing for that!

Hopefully there's some practical CC in all that! I was most intrigued by the horror coming into this story, and I'm glad there's even more of it popping up!

Author's Response:

Oh, wow. You just hit on one of my greatest weaknesses and put it into words that I've been searching for for ages. *Bows to most excellent and superior critiquing skills*

I swear I've been working on this ambiguity monster ever since I started forming sentences in print. It plagues me. And your comment on Wren's indecision bleeding into the uncertainty of the prose - that's exactly what I needed to hear. I'm struggling right now with chapter 25 for that EXACT issue. So YES, that was incredibly practical cc, and just the right way to phrase it to help me. THANK YOU!!!

So, erm... what kind of bribe/reward do I need to come up with for more of your awesome insight?


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Review #23, by newbeatle Beating Hearts

1st January 2015:
Happy New Year!
I was reading you story over the last few days and it pulled me in right away. It's original and fresh. Can't wait for the next chapter. :)

Author's Response:

Ahh! So happy that you got pulled in to my crazy story! Thanks so much for leaving a review, and I hope you enjoy the rest of it. The next chapter will be coming in a week or two.

Pix


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Review #24, by BellatrixLover3 Beating Hearts

29th December 2014:
Great chapter! 😃 Happy Holidays!

Author's Response: Thank you!

Happy Holidays to you too!


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Review #25, by Holly the Holiday Horklump Trusting Hearts

27th December 2014:
This scene with Gran is breaking my heart :( There's something especially tragic about Gran being in a state of despair too, over her loss; meanwhile, Wren is struggling with the loss of Gran and home. Gran's illness just *is*, it doesn't seem fixable, and I really hope Wren finds a cure but I'm already worrying. Oh--I just got to the part where Wren mentions spotting a lost cause. Suspicions confirmed, nooo!

I like how Wren explores a muggle space as a witch. It's familiar to her--she thinks about how to return the lost boy in a Muggle way--but details are still alien, like the policeman's phone. How she hides her magical self at varying lengths--it's very much in tune with how Muggles don't really notice strange things happening.

Oooh, I love how you set up the mystery of this boy. The build up from finding out he "knows" her, to he's got magical parents, to being left alone to find magic, whatever he means. The first paragraph of his PoV is pretty sinister. I really don't know what to make of him. It's almost like an innocent evil, like he's a child that doesn't know right from wrong, only what he wants. Ooft, that's why creepy children are the scariest things in horror movies. He's magical all right, but he's not a wizard if he can't go to Hogwarts... Wren is such a dear trying to help him, but the entire time I think, Nooo, it's a trap! Even the little bunny at the end! It's a trap bunny!

I would love to learn more about Wren through Dillon's observations, things that we might not learn through Wren's PoV, or maybe more about the current state of the wizarding world, to color the world a bit more. You've got two great mysteries going on here, with Gran and Dillon. It's been a really fun read!

Author's Response:

Yes. No! Ahh, poor Gran!

It was fun writing a witch in a muggle area and trying to figure out what she'd know about and what still was alien to her. If she spent a lot of time in London, she'd be comfortable with a lot of things, but there would still be gaps since she was raised in the magical world.

Creepy children are very scary. And unpredictable too. You have a good idea about using Dillon to highlight things about Wren and the wizarding world. I will have to think on that and see if it comes alive a bit more.

I love mysteries, and I'm glad you enjoyed the two chapters! Thanks so much for making my Holiday special!


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