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4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BookDinosaur My Name Is Jess

6th January 2014:
Hello! I'm here for the Tenth of the Twelve Days of Reviewing Challenge over at the forums. :)

I really enjoyed reading this chapter! Every story needs a good starting chapter to pull the readers in and make them want to read more, and I think you did a great job with that.

I really liked how you jumped us right into the action, there wasn't a really long complicated backstory that was told first and that's really refreshing to me. Even though you did jump pretty quickly into the action, I think you did a really good job of giving us enough details so that we're not completely confused but also so that we're left wanting to read in for more details.

I think your OC, Jess, is sounding like quite a normal person, which is really interesting (to me, anyway :P) because a lot of stories have an odd girl or a popular girl as the protagonist. I really would like to find out more about Jess, she seems a little mysterious and you're doing a great job of characterising her.

I really like how you had Rose hate Jess! Most of the time in stories you have someone become friends with one of the Weasley clan and then bam all of a sudden they're best friends with everyone in the Weasley clan, which is kind of unrealistic, if you know what I mean. ;)

The only CC I would give you would be to watch out for your commas, you seem to use them a lot in place of full stops, which causes run-on sentences and disrupts the flow of your story. Other than that, I think you're fine. :D

All in all, this was a really interesting first chapter and I'm glad I had the chance to read it, I really want to find out more.

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Review #2, by MissesWeasley123 My Name Is Jess

6th January 2014:
For day 10 of 12 Days.

This was a really well done introduction in my opinion. You quockly jumped into the plot, but I still wish we got to know more of your characters. Your descriptions were really brilliant as well, and the whole chapter left the reader asking questions.

Jess really is mysterious, but interesting. She's new, so I want to know more about her.

Just watch the punctuation, okay? :) Some commas would be great it there, and sentences broken down. A lot of them seemed to run for a while.

Anyways, great chapter! You seem to have an interesting story here :)

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Review #3, by UnluckyStar57 Misunderstandings

5th January 2014:
Hello! I had the pleasure of reviewing your first chapter earlier this week. It's now the Tenth Day of the Twelve Days of Reviewing, and I'm reviewing your second chapter! :D

So, we get to meet Rose in this one. Wow, she's a drama queen. Why does she hate Jess so much? I refuse to believe that it's JUST because Jess dated Scorpius. There has to be some other reason as well!

Oh man, James is moving quickly! That kiss on the Quidditch pitch was pretty sudden, but it explains a lot. I think he likes Jess a lot, and maybe she likes him, but she won't admit it to herself. I hope that she'll come around in the end!

The second chapter was great! Keep up the good work!

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #4, by UnluckyStar57 My Name Is Jess

2nd January 2014:
Hi! On the Seventh Day of the Twelve Days of Reviewing, I reviewed... you! :D

I like this story so far! You put us right in the middle of what was happening without wasting time on "okay, so this is what everyone is like." You did explain Jess' character at the end, but that was good--James was sleeping, and it was a great time to explain things! (Watching people sleep is boring, am I right?!)

My favorite line of the chapter was "quit moving you glorified pillow!" Hahahaha, I think I'll use that on someone! XD

So, questions: What's up with James? Has he got a crush on Jess? Why does she hate Dom so much? And what is Rose's problem?! Jess and Scorpius are long-over, for goodness sake!

Happy New Year! :)

~UnluckyStar57

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