86 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AlexFan Cups

1st May 2016:
It's been so long since this story was updated! I was so excited for it when it started (and I mean I still am) and I'd check back like once a week every week just to see if there was a new chapter.

I really love your writing still and how well it fits with the story. This reminded me of why I was so excited for this story and why I loved Molly so much. She's so sarcastic, I like her toughish kind of nature and how she won't take any bull from anyone. I was surprised that she would go out drinking with Heath though, I figured she'd be the sober friend hauling Heath home. And she's such a relatable character, the one thing that is constantly going through my head is same every time she does something.

I'm so excited to see what kind of shenanigans Molly and Heath get up to in Pisa (and I knew she was going to miss the train I was like girl who are you kidding here.)

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Review #2, by Your Secret Snowflake Uncharted

29th December 2015:
I'm back again for another chapter!

And you didn't disappoint of course. In just the first few paragraphs, it's already pretty hilarious. Heath was late in his own flat? Raj the wannabe soprano? (Also, Socks and Sandals... love him and his predictions!) All your characters are pretty hilarious/awesome in their own ways. Molly has quite a few snarky comments, whereas Heath just has general misunderstandings of things that we're all familiar with, Platform 9 3/4, the Hogwarts classes as clubs and chocolate frogs! It's really well done, because when they converse with each other, it just flows really well and is easy yet interesting to read.

Characters aside, I love where you're going with the plot too. Heath is just so eager to jump in an explore, who knows what crazy scenarios he'll put the pair into? I'm sure using the Stonehenge as a teleportation device is just the start of many cool ideas.

Anyway, I'm still loving this story!
It's funny, exciting and awesome!

-Your Secret Snowflake

Author's Response: Raj is great. I will write more Raj in the future, I think. He has become a character who is very dear to my heart and he probably exists for a total of ten lines all up. What a guy.

I love writing HeathandMolly - I wrote that on purpose because that's how I think of them in my head. Like symbiotes. Some day, they will start to think of each other like that too.

Thanks so much for the reviews! I have enjoyed them immensely and am pleased as punch that you have enjoyed the story so far!


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Review #3, by Your Secret Snowflake Counting Stars

28th December 2015:
Wow. So Heath managed to wake up from his nap after a night of partying/drinking and get his article written? That's pretty impressive! And, I'm guessing it was actually alright if he's now being sent on this amazing trip! This skill needs to be taught!

I did have a suspicion after the first chapter that Agatha's fiance would be making an appearance (you went into a lot of detail for her fiance if he was just meant to be a side character with no other mention!). So happy to see that I was right! Because that just means drama for the future!! I wonder when Molly will figure out who he is!

I think I do like Molly's perspective a bit more, mainly because she has hilarious comments/thoughts. But, I do like Heath's character as well! He seems quite a lot more carefree than Molly, but I do see that they have many similar traits as well. Both are written so well though!!

Great job with this chapter!

-Your Secret Snowflake

Author's Response: Heath has a secret superpower that I want really badly. What even, Heath. What even.

IS HEATH THE MYSTERY FIANCE?!?!??!!(Yes, of course! You are correct. You win a doughnut!)

I enjoy writing Molly a bit more, simply because I get where she's coming from and Heath... is a little strange. But, when I was thinking up this story, Heath grew on me more and more, so I hope he will grow on you as well over time - like a fungus!

Thanks for the wonderful review my lovely Secret Snowflake :)


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Review #4, by Your Secret Snowflake King of Anything

28th December 2015:
Hello again!

Gosh, I really love your writing. It doesn't matter what genre or era, you're pretty amazing at all the ones I've read so far!

I absolutely love your characterisation of Molly! She seems so real, and is at that terribly confusing point in life where she looks at what she's done and where she's headed in the future and just has to think, "Is this seriously all there is?" I'm sure you've got some crazy adventure awaiting her, which I can not wait to read!!

Also, Agatha Painsley-Bumbershuffle... I think that is my favourite name that I've read in any fanfict! I love it, and cannot stop laughing every time I read it! I so hope we get to see more of her (even if it's just her name and not her character!).

I pretty much love everything about this story so far, the plot, the characters, the snarky comments, even the dull Percy-esque ex-boyfriend! Great start to a story!

-Your Secret Snowflake

Author's Response: YOU ARE SO SO NICE I CAN'T EVEN.

Molly is great. I love this first chapter. I don't think she's ever her truest self more in the story so far as she is in here.

THAT NAME IS BASICALLY THE HEIGHT OF MY CREATIVE GENIUS. I CAN'T DO BETTER. I SHOULD QUIT WHILE I'M AHEAD. I want to use every single possible moment I can to write her name into the story :P

Goodness, it must be so horrible to realise that you're basically dating a dad-clone. Molly takes it rather well, I think

Thanks for the lovely review :)


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Review #5, by merlins beard Cups

24th October 2015:
Hey there,

so this is the actual review for the swap. (I know, I rambled on in four other reviews already... forgive me. As I said, I just can't seem to pass by that box here.)


I'm really glad you decided to work on that story again, as I'm really enjoying it so far.

This chapter starts out with a lot of action. They're running from an angry mob. And apparently Heath is messing up a lot - who would have thought ;)

I was actually cheering Molly on as she scolds him... and I would have loved to have them end up kissing there, hidden away in that alley - but I guess it's just too early for that...

Okay so I just have to say one thing. Your Molly reminds me so much of how other people write Rose. In fact, I have been having trouble with the names in the reviews. I have typed Rose and deleted it again quite a few times here. That's probably a hint that I have read way too many Rose-Stories.

Running for their lives because of a POSTCARD??? I kind of feel sorry for Molly. She has to put up with that annoying American tourist. But I do have a feeling that she'll actually enjoy his company later on...

Those apparating licenses sound awful. so many restriction... it seems to be the whole parchment thing - Muggle computers suddenly seem much more convenient. Somehow our driving licenses are okay to use pretty much everywhere (not sure about North Korea tho)...

Hm no Molly, I'm pretty sure you shouldn't let him go out on his own. You'd never find him again.

OH, SO NOW MOLLY IS THE ONE WHO GETS DRUNK. I LIKE THAT - DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING.
And hey, she kissed a girl and she liked it (see what I did there?)... I bet that surprised Heath quite a bit...

Oh and OBVIOUSLY they missed their train. I wonder if they have certain things that they HAVE TO visit for the Daily Prophet? If they do... they'll have to try a little harder to actually make it there. (then again, 70 days are rather long... they should make it)

So no romance in Paris... but Paris is a very romantic city. well, maybe in Italy. I love Rome... and there's always Casa di Giulietta in Verona or they could visit Venice... I can't wait to see where they go next... and I'd very much appreciate it if you updated rather sooner than the last time ;) you see, I'm kind of loving this story, and I'd love to keep reading...

I'm not commenting on anything writing style wise because I'm just too tired to really pay close attention... but nothing major came up. I really like the description you put in (it can always be more description for me, I just love description), and I didn't miss anything major.

I admire you for picking this back up after so long - I'm having trouble with exactly that right now :(

Until next time - I really enjoyed swapping with you

xxx
~Anja

PS.: Please don't stress/feel obligated in any way because I left more than one review. It's just what I do, and I expect nothing but the one for the swap in return.

Author's Response: Hola! Thank you so much for all your wonderful words of kindness and support and love. Also I am in awe of you and how you went above and beyond the call of the review swap. *hugs*

When I started this story I wanted there to be a lot of action in it, and when I returned to it, I was like IT HAS BEEN FOUR CHAPTERS AND NOTHING ACTION-Y HAS HAPPENED I MUST FIXED THIS. And then I realised why I was procrastinating writing an action sequence - BECAUSE THEY ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO WRITE. It was fun trying to fit in their personalities into that scene though!

There is no such thing as too many Rose stories! Molly does sometimes read a lot like stereotypical Rose, I agree, but I hope, with time, that she just becomes MOLLY.

OF COURSE MOLLY IS THE ONE TO GET DRUNK. Responsible people acting irresponsibly is one of my favourite tropes! And of course, Heath being Heath, just rolls with it :P

Yes, there are certain things they have to visit for the Daily Prophet. Also, I feel like I made a grave mistake when I randomly chose seventy days as the magical number of travelling days because THAT IS A LOT OF DAYS.

Molly is probably too hipster for romance in Paris :P And let us see what Italy shall bring to our dynamic duo! Perhaps a little hand-holding at least? ;)

Thanks for the lovely reviews! I really enjoyed our review swap :)


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Review #6, by merlins beard Take It Easy

24th October 2015:
Hey I'm back again.

Okay so this sounds like a really, really terrible way to travel. Heath is my kind of person. I usually do plan a lot, but I've been making myself just wing it a lot more recently and I kind of love it. There's always a way out of a tight spot, and you don't always need a backup plan... I think Molly and Heath balance each other in a very sweet way. She can learn a few things from him, but she can also teach him quite a bit.

I like the locations you pick, although the scene here is fairly similar to stonehenge (other than the beaches), so I'm hoping to see different sites described in the next chapter. Paris is going to be good... maybe things get a little romantic there? If not, that's fine, I can wait. Italy is also very romantic... and they have great wine...

I'm loving this story, it's going on my reading list so I don't miss any updates.

xxx
~Anja

Author's Response: It is a horrible way to travel. Heath's probable notes on it would be: 0/10 would not recommend. You will break your arm and then have to be saved by your cranky partner. Not ideal. Winging it is just so hard, and I admire people who can do that, but that's just not me. Molly and Heath do balance each other, yes!

Definitely a different site in the next chapter. I chose this place because it WAS similar to Stonehenge, built around the same time, geographically close, and was similarly spooky. Because plot. And haha, so many people want a little romance in Paris, but it's been two days! I don't know what to say about it! And Italy does have great wine...

Thanks so much for the lovely review :)


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Review #7, by merlins beard Uncharted

24th October 2015:
Stonehenge as an old train station... hmmm sounds familiar... I think I read that in a children's book somewhere... I really like the idea tho, and I also think it's great that they visit Stonehenge first, because Heath is right, the british witches and wizards don't travel much. Even a weekend trip to see Stonehenge would be too much for many of them...

I'm not sure what to say to Socks and Sandals (other than his terrible fashion sense... I'm really not picky, nor do I have even the slightest idea about what's fashionable, but even I know you just can't do THAT)

I wonder if we're going to hear more about Rose's aura... it seems to be different, since she feels stuff the others don't notice..,

Can't wait to read more,

xxx
~Anja

Author's Response: Really? There's a story about Stonehenge as a train station out there? I want to read it! That sounds SO COOL. I basically chose Stonehenge as their starting point because I'm a giant nerd and Stonehenge is cool. But Heath has a point - the wizarding community doesn't really enjoy leaving their comfort zone all that much.

Yup. Socks and Sandals is weird. But the point is that you meet a lot of weird people when you travel. It's part of the charm!

And ooh! Spooky aura around Molly! Yes, more fun times ahead about that *smirks*


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Review #8, by merlins beard Counting Stars

24th October 2015:
Okay so I love Heath. HOW did he manage to write something while practically passed out? Could he share that super-power please? I need that in my life.

Also, it's awesome that, for once, this story deals with breakups but doesn't have all that snotty crying and depression, but a huge load of sass instead. I'm really enjoying that.

That assignment from the Daily Prophet is awesome. I'd love to do that trip. And even though Molly really doesn't seem too happy about it, I think it may just be the perfect thing for her to do.

I'll head to the next chapter now.see you there.

xxx
~Anja

Author's Response: Heath has a REAL magical talent and I want it really bad. Maybe he's an X-man? Or perhaps an Inhuman...

The crying and depression, whilst having it's place in stories, is not the focus. Both Molly and Heath aren't doing all that because they were ready to move on. They want other things from their lives now. And of course they're sassy instead. Sass is great!

The trip actually sounds wonderful! I really want to do it as well :P I think I'm living vicariously through my characters...


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Review #9, by merlins beard King of Anything

24th October 2015:
Hey there,

Don't worry, I'm planning on reviewing the latest chapter of this for our swap... but I can't seem to ever pass by that little box here. It always looks so lonely.

Okay, so where are you and have you been watching me? You just described my break up from two weeks ago. In detail. How did you do that? (Well I guess most breakups with people Molly's age are kind of similar... people leave school and grow apart.) At least Molly -well, her Ex boyfriend rather than her- was smart enough to break up NOW rather than dragging the relationship on for ages...

And UGH THAT COFFEE SOUNDS TERRIBLE. Terrible coffee should be made illegal. Instant coffee shouldn't even be sold anywhere. (You're talking to a girl who gets in the car on sundays and drives 4 hours to get to italy just for a great espresso... I love me some coffee)

Maybe it's just me and my circumstances (but I don't think it's just that) but I love the way this story feels so real and relateable. Molly, with all her insecurities and her resolution to fix her life right now is a character I can easily slip into and see the world through her eyes.

I love how you described Audrey and Percy... the family dynamic there was almost comical, especially with Rose's slightly sarcastic comments... I'm going to head to the next chapter now, can't wait for more.

xxx
~Anja

Author's Response: Heya! Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews that you left on this story! It means a lot :)

Ah! I'm so sorry about your break-up! But if it was like Molly's, then I hope it was a good thing for you. It is a little weird though that I got it so spot on...

THAT COFFEE REALLY IS THE WORST. Terrible coffee is a crime against good coffee. Gives all of coffee a bad wrap. And that is some dedication to get a good espresso, although I am a little jealous that you can get to Italy in four hours to do that. I'm a 20+ hour transcontinental flight away.

I'm glad it feels so easy to relate to. That's what I want from this story. Molly's just your average person who has to figure out what she wants from her life - and also that it's okay not to know right away.

Haha, I'm glad you enjoyed Audrey and Percy. They were a lot of fun to write.


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Review #10, by Pixileanin Cups

26th September 2015:
Hi hi! This story is back! Woot!

I was kind of sad to see no updates to this for so long, but here's another chapter, so I decided to come out and see where you're taking this.

Thanks for doing the review swap, by the way!

Okay, so first impressions are that Heath is much more comfortable "winging it" than he is in planning. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's throwing Molly for a loop. I like how this highlights the differences between Molly and Heath.. and my fingers keep trying to type "health" instead of his name. Backspace, backspace, backspace...

Anyway, the point is that I think you showed their differences really well in this chapter, leading with the argumentative nature of Heath with total strangers and then closing with his ease at the clubs, while Molly's just trying to be practical at the beginning and then she's a bit unhinged with the bar scene. Heath seems to be enjoying this about her, that she's unable to ride him as hard inebriated as she was earlier in the day.

And oops about the train. I'm guessing, but I bet it was Molly's hangover that did it too. Turned tables are a beast. :P

Action-wise, I loved the first scene where they're running from the enraged shopkeepers screaming at them in French, and you threw in a lot of great characterization there too, with all the small details about each character.

The whole bit about the Apparition license complications was necessary to explain why they'd get the chance to hang out in these different foreign places, and Heath is certainly taking advantage of his circumstances to have some fun. It makes me wonder if they will find out more about the Stonehenge connection when they go on to Italy. There's got to be some ancient stuff lying around there too, if Stonehenge connects to France... I'm really hoping for more of that story to come out. It interests me greatly.

I'm not going to be any help at all if you mis-translate something in French or Italian. Everything looked great to my uneducated eyes. :) The footnotes were nice, but I feel like I didn't need them since everything was explained in context, or maybe I'm familiar enough with cultures to "get it" without explanation. I'm sure some of your readers will appreciate the literal translations. I know a lot of people are interested in that sort of thing.

It's really great to be back in this story. The banter is fun and barby, just the way I like it. The characters are interesting and lively, and your descriptions paint the scenes vividly where I can "see" where you're going. Actually, I can't really see where you're going with this story, but I'm hopeful, because I LOVE the stonehenge mystery and I'm just DYING to know what that's all about.

Heath's little notebook is hilarious, I don't know why. I would love to see him write more in it as the adventure continues.

Thanks for the swap. Need more of this!

Pix

Author's Response: This story IS back! Yayayay!

I'm pretty sure Heath has an allergy to plans. It's actually ridiculous. If I knew someone like him in real life, I'd actually go insane, since I'm a lot more like Molly in this respect. Also I caught at least three "healths" when I went back to edit this chapter. Clearly, I didn't think this through when I chose a name for him.

They really are two very different people. I want to show how similar they are, too, soon. It was a lot more apparent in the first two chapters when they were apart, I think. But now they're together, it's time to see that there are parts of them that are the same. And Heath very much is a man of the moment - if Molly can't yell at him, then he's happy!

Goodness, action is so difficult to write! Thank you so much for actually enjoying it!

Ooh! I'm not going to say what I'm going to do about the Stonehenge mystery. Stonehenge is a mysterious place, so it's fitting that this part also remains hidden for the time being.

Everything looks great to my also-uneducated eyes, so yay! I included the literal translations just in case. I'm very pleased that everything makes sense in context, because that's important for the sake of the flow of the story.

Aaaah! Thank you so so much! You are too kind!

Heath's little notebook is unintentionally funny, and I don't know why, either. I just giggle when I write it.

Thanks so much for the lovely review :)


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Review #11, by TreacleTart Take It Easy

21st February 2015:
Hi there,

Just finishing up my review of your final chapter (at least thus far) from your review request.

I was very happy reading this chapter. For some reason the last chapter was odd to me and this one seemed to get your story back on track. I love that they've been randomly transported to Brittany because the best adventures happen in spontaneous circumstances!

Poor Heath. Breaking his arm and passing out! Certainly not very manly, but definitely understandable. He seems to be interested in Molly suddenly, but I suppose her taking care of him might have something to do with it.

Molly is also starting to warm up a bit. I think that's due to seeing Heath being vulnerable. Most women seem to dig that in a guy. Just remember not to have her break down too quickly in the story.

I'm so excited to see what their trip to Paris brings. I'm not sure if you've been to Paris or not, but if you haven't and need help with ideas for locations aside from the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre De Livre...I've been recently and could give you a laundry list of cool places that they could visit. If you already have it planned out or have been yourself...don't mind me. I'm just trying to be helpful is all. :)

Overall, this chapter is probably my favorite of the four and I can't wait to see what's next. Thanks for a good read!

~Kaitlin

On a side note, I think a previous reviewer mentioned this as well, but in the scene where Heath says "What could be worse?"..I too pictured Hermione saying "expelled!" :)

Author's Response: The best adventures do seem to happen in spontaneous circumstances, indeed! I understand what you mean about the story feeling more "back on track". I think in the last chapter I was trying to find my feet a little. The first two chapters set up the main characters, but then the story changes track.

Heath's interest in Molly has a lot to do with the fact that Heath genuinely enjoys getting to know people. Hopefully, I can make that come across more in later chapters with him.

Molly's warming up definitely has a lot to do with that! And yes - I'll be certain to keep that in mind.

Thank you for offering your help! I went to Paris recently, but since it was my first visit and I wasn't there for very long, I did all the main tourist-y things. So don't be surprised if you get a random PM from me soon :P

Thanks for your lovely reviews. They've been super helpful, and I'm sorry for taking so long to reply, once again.

And haha, she's definitely channelling her inner Hermione with that line!


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Review #12, by TreacleTart Uncharted

19th February 2015:
Hello again,

I'm here to finish the review that you requested on the forums.

So Heath and Molly are off on an adventure! I'm excited to see where they end up. The back and forth between them is really great. Molly is cool as a cucumber and it's going to be hard for Heath to really get her to warm up.

I did find the flow of this chapter to be kind of off. The jumping ahead in time periodically threw me off a bit. I see that it's separated by dividers, but I think you could improve on the way that you transition the different sections.

I also noticed some awkward sentences in this chapter. It seems like you try to cram a lot of detail into one sentence. Sometimes it works, but other times it doesn't. I would suggest maybe breaking some of that up.

And finally...The Hippie dude is not my cup of tea at all. In all honestly I found him to be rather annoying and I felt it detracted a bit from the story. I guess I just don't see an old Hippie working as a tour guide in the UK. Maybe if this was some cute beach town in Los Angeles the character might fit more. His repetitions of "Dude" over and over again also seemed fairly stereotypical.

I hope this doesn't come off as overly-harsh because I certainly don't mean it that way. I really am enjoying this story.

~TreacleTart (Kaitlin)

Author's Response: Hello! *waves*

Adventure time! I've never really written an adventure story before where the setting changes so often, so I'm looking forward to the challenge, as well as being a little scared about how I'm actually going to do it.

The time jumps are very choppy. I have to work on the transitions, for sure!

Gosh, my sentence structures get a little out of hand sometimes. Thanks for letting me know!

I've had mixed reactions to the hippie. I really enjoyed writing him, and I'm surprisingly happy with either reaction to him. Some people have loved him for being so weird, other people have not. Some of his dialogue could do with a little work though...

No, it's not harsh at all! I'm very happy that you're being honest :)


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Review #13, by TreacleTart Counting Stars

18th February 2015:
Hello Again,

I'm here with another requested review from the forums.

I thought chapter 2 was interesting. The set up for Molly and Heath to fall in love was well-written. The flow in general throughout the chapter was pretty smooth.

Heath's character was fairly authentic to a guy in his early to mid twenties. The night of drinking and hung over morning sounded like something out of my own college years. I do find him to be a bit grating at this point, but I feel like that's a good thing because I'll have a chance as a reader to grow to love him as Molly does.

A few minor critiques:

I lost count of how many times you repeated Dennis Creevey's name. It seemed like for the entire middle section of the story every few sentences started with his name. I would maybe vary that a bit because it did get a bit redundant.

I also thought the first part of the chapter, where the two friends are discussing their drunken night could use a bit more detail. Most of it is dialogue, so it reads really quickly. Perhaps slow it down a bit with some more descriptive sentences. Maybe add some detail about his break up.

In closing, I felt this was another solid chapter. I like the direction it is headed and am looking forward to reading the next 2 chapters (although they'll have to wait until tomorrow)

~TreacleTart

Author's Response: Heya again!

I'm glad you liked Heath's introduction. And flow was a big issue for me in this one, since I jump settings in the second half.

Heath is also supposed to be super typical. And I think it's a good thing that you find him a little annoying at this point - he is a bit annoying from time to time.

Too many Dennis Creevey's? Probably true. Certainly a problem. Thanks for letting me know.

Ah, the first part reads as a little rushed? Gah, I'm so terrible with description, but I've made a note of it again so that I can beef it up a little. Thanks for the suggestions.

Thanks so much for the lovely review :)


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Review #14, by TreacleTart King of Anything

18th February 2015:
Hi there!

Here with your requested review from the forums.

So I will start off by saying that this is not the type of story that normally would catch my attention. In fact, I usually find fluff to be either obnoxious or boring. That being said, I think you've done a wonderful job of making this more interesting. The breakup in the beginning provided a nice amount of depth to your character.

As for characterization, I thought you nailed the voice of a woman in her early 20's. Molly sounded angsty and frustrated, like many 20-somethings do, but she doesn't seem to know exactly what to do to fix it either. She had a nice self-deprecating sense of humor that also added to the story.

I did notice a few tiny things when reading:

You use the word CRIED a lot. On a brief re-read, I counted 7 separate occasions where a character cried. I would suggest breaking that up a bit by using other words instead of cried repeatedly. (Exclaimed, shouted, protested, etc.)

The chapter where you introduce Agatha Pasiley-Bumbershuffle is a bit awkward. I can't quite put my finger on the reason why, but something doesn't quite flow right for me.

Overall, I'm really surprised to be enjoying a fluff story. Looking forward to the next chapter!

~TreacleTart

Author's Response: Heya! I'm sorry for taking so long to reply :(

I completely understand! As a predominantly fluff writer, I'm completely aware that it isn't for everyone. It makes me doubly pleased that you enjoyed it despite your preference.

Oh, thank you! I did want Molly's struggle with herself and where her life is going to be relateable. And I'm pleased that you enjoyed her sense of humour.

OMG that is a lot of times to use the word CRIED. I've made a note about it in my draft for editing purposes.

The introduction of Agatha reads a bit awkwardly, I think. I have a feeling that it's the sentence structure in that place - far too convoluted!

Thanks for your CCs and your kind words!


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Review #15, by Japans Arc Angel Take It Easy

17th February 2015:
The very first section was mind blowing. The depiction of the brutality of silence was wonderful, and truly commendable. The relationship development is particularly interesting, especially on Molly's part, who seems to be much more complex as a person than first implied, or is shown to the characters and the reader.

There was however another instance where you stated something, this time, "she didn't appear to be very concerned by this" and the character then stated this afterwards.

I am however enjoying the references to the world of HP, such as the French aunt or the half-repetition of Hermione's "or worse expelled" statement. Though you don't go into great detail, there is enough for the story to make sense without the knowledge, but also makes sense and gives enough away to those who are HP fans.

I am hoping however that Molly does not become too Hermione - esq, as, she appears to be very similar to her at some stages. Which is not unreasonable considering they are family. However it is good to see the slight Weasley Fire in her, which I would like to see presented a little more.

Many thanks

Author's Response: That first section was just great to write and remains my favourite piece of writing from this story. Ah, I'm so glad that you find Molly to be complex! There are aspects to her that are yet to be discovered or fully explored still. It's part of the charm of writing her, really.

Haha, thanks for pointing that repetition out again - I seem to do it a lot when I'm writing Heath!

I've tried to include more references to canon in this story than my other ones, especially since Molly isn't a character that is too often written about, so stories about her need a little more grounding in the reality of the world to be believable.

No, Molly isn't going to be like Hermione - hopefully. I hope that I can write her as her own person! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, and I really am very sorry about the long time it's taken me to reply.


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Review #16, by Japans Arc Angel Uncharted

17th February 2015:
It is nice to see the slight relationship development between Molly and Heath, their typical British/American conversations are subtly amusing.
But I was a little sad that Raj wouldn't be coming along on their adventure! Hoping that he makes an appearance soon.

I did wonder though, perhaps there's a specific reason for it, why the train? I would have thought that they would apparate, or at least use a portkey.

It was nice to hear of Agatha again, I hope that she's a source of persuasion for Molly throughout, and the driving force behind her changing her life to what she wants, rather than what is expected of her.

I'm not usually into the whole predicting the future to give away the story thing, but I think you handled it fairly well in honesty. You gave a snippet away but didn't babble on and ruin what's coming, so that was very well done, even if I'm not totally convinced by Socks and Sandles as a character.

I do think however, that last exchange between Molly, Heath and S&S could have been filled out a bit more, rather than a simple serious of statements, perhaps indicating how they were feeling in regards to the situation and to each other.

Awesome cliffy through! Definitely makes you want to read on, which I will be doing!

Many thanks

Author's Response: Yes! Molly and Heath trying to get along is always fun to write. And as for Raj... I have a sequel in the works that will feature him as the main character, so there is definitely going to be more Raj at some point.

The only reason I used a train was because I wanted to write these two together trying to get along in a confined setting. A portkey would've made more sense, but it's fun writing wizards using muggle technology.

I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to include that predicting the future scene. I decided to use it because it sort of fit Socks and Sandals' character. He's definitely not everyone's cup of tea, but that's sort of the point - some characters rub you the wrong way.

Oh, goodness! Yes, that last section is totally rushed! Thanks for reminding me of that! Something else to add to the editing list!

Thank you so much for this lovely review :)


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Review #17, by Japans Arc Angel Counting Stars

17th February 2015:
Beginning reading this chapter was rather confusing, considering your OCs, however I was intrigued by the raptor between Heath and Raj, and keen to read on. It was surprising a little way through that Heath's voice suddenly acquired an American accent! Raj was indeed a breath of fresh air with subtle humour and a rather conserved nature.

There was however, one phrase that stood out to me, which was "How much had he had to drink last night" to which the character simply repeated this statement. It would have perhaps been better to adjust these phrases slightly, rather than repeating yourself. Also, I though that Heath's sudden snapping at Molly was a little out of context and unexpected, but perhaps slightly understandable.

Your description of dream to awakening however also really stood out as a good choice of wording. It created an image that reminded me of previous, rather arduous awakening that most people will endure at some point in their lives.
I did enjoy the relationship between Molly and Heath however, and I think there's so many places that they could go, it'll be interesting to see what you decide.

Many thanks

Author's Response: Ah, yes. I can see how the start can be a bit confusing, since I just drop two new OCs into the story with no warning. Sorry about that! But I am glad that you enjoyed the relationship between Heath and Raj.

Thank you for that CC! I'll keep it in mind when I go back to edit this chapter.

I'm so pleased you enjoyed the waking up sequence. I just tried to channel my usual feelings when I wake up. You're right - it can be an incredibly arduous process.

Thank you so much for this lovely review. I hope you enjoy the places Molly and Heath will go :)


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Review #18, by Japans Arc Angel King of Anything

13th February 2015:
I must first begin by saying I have never read a next generation story, but this was a rather rrefreshing experience. I did indeed find this first chapter a rather interesting one, you began and finished quite solidly, which was also incredibly pleasing. You have indeed opened me a little more as to reading these kinds of fiction, and I will continue to review the remaining chapters you have uploaded so far.

The flow of your writing overall is very good, although perhaps at the beginning I had to go back and reread over the first few paragraphs, just to make sure I knew who was being spoken about. Though this did not hinder the chapter overall, it may be something you wish to address if you revise this.

Although not much action or progression happened in this chapter, I did like the way you set the scene and established Molly's personality, and I must say that it was not what I had been expecting at all. Though considering the nature of her extended family, it would be unsurprising for her to have a playful if not impatient temperament.

Your slight hint at humour, particularly in your last few lines lightened the chapter considerably, and it's always good to see authors giving their fiction more or an every day feel from time to time without it feeling as though it has been forced.

Thank you very much for taking the time to write this, and I look forward to seeing how it developes.

Author's Response: Heya! Thanks so much for reviewing, and I apologise profusely for my incredibly late reply.

I'm glad you enjoyed the new experience! I'm so impressed that you decided to try something new and doubly pleased because you liked it. A strong first chapter is just so important, and I'm glad that you felt i delivered that.

Yes! I have a tendency to get a bit wordy especially when I'm starting a new chapter. It's something on which I'm trying to work, so thank you for mentioning that.

Molly is a lot of fun to write. I hope that you continue to enjoy her as the story progresses. She really comes into her own whilst still maintaining aspects from who she is here.

Sometimes I can be a little heavy handed with the humour. I'm so happy that you didn't find that to be the case.

Thank you so much for this lovely review. I really appreciate it :)


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Review #19, by AvadaKedavra1 King of Anything

8th February 2015:
Sorry it took so long for a review, I managed to start reading late last night and needed to reread this morning because I think I turned into a pumpkin.

You're a very solid writer, quite impressively so. The first couple of sentences, I thought "Oh, dear, here we go!" pertaining to wordiness and over-writing, but that was the last I thought of it.

I didn't pay attention to the story information so the first couple of paragraphs I thought I was watching Molly Pruett, not Molly Weasley of next gen :)

So let's talk about Molly. You've written her beautifully. She's annoying, whiny, cerebral, a total girl, and quite clearly Percy's offspring. I'm certain if I was friends with her in real life I'd throw myself out of a window.SHE'S WONDERFULLY WRITTEN! I love it.

I can't answer what I think about readability, because I'm not really sure what you have up your sleeve for her. But so far, I really like it...she's such a pill, lol.

Fantastic writing style.

Author's Response: That's cool! I went to sleep to sleep anyway :)

Thank you! I have a tendency to get wordy - I seem to have an allergy to full stops. I'm pleased that's only an issue at the beginning.

Haha, no! Definitely Molly II! Although imagining Molly Prewett like this is a lot of fun...

I'm glad you are enjoying Molly! I love writing her. She's so much fun. And yes, she very clearly is Percy's offspring. I'm pleased that comes through.

Thanks for the lovely review and all your help :)


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Review #20, by crestwood King of Anything

28th January 2015:
Hi, I'm here with a (slightly late) hot seat review!

I haven't had much time to get reviews done this week since school just started for me, but I got to school early today so I could type this up.

This is such an interesting start to a story. I definitely see why everyone's begging you to update this one :P I'm really loving the quote used in the beginning and how you kind of based this chapter around it.

Starting a story off with a breakup is always an interesting choice and I can tell it'll be a lot of fun to go through the post-breakup period inside of Molly's head. Her ruminations about why she hates the cafe they're in was kind of hilarious. She's getting dumped and she's thinking about how much she hates the coffee there!

I'm so intrigued that Agatha going on about her seemingly great, perfect life is what caused Molly to become disillusioned with hers. I can actually really relate to that because I definitely would say that maybe that nice, neat little life may not be for me. I get the feeling that she wants a bit more excitement, maybe? I thought it interesting that they are going to be an Auror and a Healer, which is usually the thing people in fic are aspiring to. It's almost as if it's all too easy for her. (also I love that Molly is the Auror-to-be and her boyfriend wanted to be a Healer. it's so often the other way around)

The way Molly broke the news to her parents was so great! And her big monologue about how much she hates her job and how she hasn't had a day off in years and just her general disdain for the path she's been on was just amazing. I feel like that deserves to be quoted somewhere. It's such an accurate social critique and wow, I just love this story so far.

- Joey

Author's Response: Hola! I am here with a slightly late response, so that makes us even. I get that - school has an annoying habit of getting in the way. But alas, such is the nature of real life.

Haha, this is a fun story to write. I stopped writing it for some reason, and it's taken me a long time to get back to it - much longer than anticipated, but an update shall be imminent! I haven't read Perks, so I just used the quote in the way I felt like, without feeling the pressure to conform to its meaning in the novel. I'm very pleased that you found it to work.

I've never started with the end of a relationship before. That was new for me. But Molly is great. She's a character who's very dear to my heart, and I hope that you continue to like her as the story goes on.

Agatha serves as Molly's wake up call. This is the beginning of her realisation that she has to figure out what she wants from her life for herself, rather than blindly following some pre-written plan. She may return to wanting the sort of life Agatha has in the future, but I want her to find out for herself if that's what she wants. Agency is a big deal. You're right in guessing that what she really wants right now is excitement. That's a very great word to describe her feelings on the matter. And I didn't even think of the role reversal. I just didn't want Molly in a totally typical role - not very many women are written as aspiring to be Aurors in fanfic.

This is what happens when you bottle your feelings, Molly. Hopefully she gets better at announcing life-altering events like this over time. I just want her struggles to be relatable. Thanks for the lovely review :)


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Review #21, by luvinpadfoot Take It Easy

2nd September 2014:
You started the story off really strong with their breakup. I loved all the tiny details you mentioned. We all know that guy who'll take you to his favorite crappy coffee shop to break up with you and it set the tone so well for her change and confrontation with her parents. The description with the coffee shop was wonderful and the breakup felt so real. Both of the characters seemed strong from the get go and I liked that he wasn't a bad guy, just kind of an idiot and they grew apart. It happens.

Molly is a really interesting character! I love her narration and how she sees the world from her POV. It makes all the situations a lot more fun to read. She's also ridiculously relatable. Saying the wrong things at the wrong times, tired of constantly working for the job that requires you constantly work even when you get it, bored, annoyed. I love her and I love reading her as a character. Her family dynamics are really interesting too, and I adore the detail with Percy and salt. All your tiny little details make this story come alive so much more than it would without them. They're really just a small addition, but so wonderful.

Heath and Raj's relationship is hilarious. I love Heath's little jokes and the way Raj just seems to roll his eyes at whatever Heath does. Heath isn't the fiancť to uh Molly's friend, is he? (I forgot her name oops.) I just remember the mention that he was a reporter from the States and Heath is a reporter from the States so...at any rate, I'm excited to find out more about him!

He and Molly seem like they make quite the interesting pair too. The teasing and bickering back and forth is quite entertaining to read, and I think they have about as much fun doing it as I do reading it.

Using Stonehenge as a transportation system was a really original idea, and both Molly and heath's reactions to it were priceless. I'm really starting to understand the line in the summary now. Molly is a lot like her father, for all that she wants something more than the boring life.

Poor Heath for getting his arm broken. He's so lucky he's got Molly ferrying him around. No wonder the Prophet requested an Auror for him. He's lovely as a person and so funny, but he might not make it home alive travelling all around Europe without Molly's assistance. And boy is she one for plans!

I don't really have any critiques, though I'd love to be of some help. This story is just really good and I've loved the first few chapters! You're a wonderfully talented writer and this is fantastically hilarious and so well written. Very glad I had the chance to read this! :)

Author's Response: I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT DOING MY HALF OF THE SWAP BUT I SWEAR I'M GOING TO GET TO IT REALLY SOON.

I'm glad that you liked the breakup scene! I write so many stories where people get together, but I've never written people moving away from each other, so that was a lot of fun. And I really didn't want to make her ex-boyfriend a horrible person but like you said - a bit of an idiot.

My favourite thing about Heath and Raj's relationship is that Heath thinks that he's so cool, but Raj knows that Heath really isn't, but agrees to like him despite that. And IS Heath the mysterious fiance? WHO KNOWS?!?!?!?! I do know, but I'm not telling :P

Molly is another person who doesn't think Heath is as cool as he seems to think he is. Heath seems to get that a lot, the poor thing. But they're a lot of fun to write together.

Yeah, Molly is a lot like her father in that sense. I wanted to write a character who realises change is necessary but still resists it. She takes a while to get where she wants to go, simply because she doesn't like the way she's getting there. Did that make sense? Who knows?

I hope that by the end of this, Heath realises that he'd basically be dead without Molly with him. You're right - he has zero chance of making it alive without her!

Thank you so much for this lovely review! It means a lot to me :)


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Review #22, by Roisin King of Anything

22nd August 2014:
Hello! Ah, so I planned to review swap with you exactly a MILLION years ago, and then promptly lost the tab of this story and couldn't find it again (I spent an absurdly long time looking through Molly II stories trying). Anyway, discussion of roti helped me find it again, so here I finally am!

ANYway, on to the story:

You did something really unique here, namely, I see a lot of stories where the basic gist is "X person (usually Rose) is tired of being a good girl, and goes reckless!"--but here, you actually really spent a lot of time fleshing out how Boring being perfect can be.

And it's admirable how you really reveled in Boringness, and found ways to write about it interestingly. Like sugar sinking to the bottom of bad coffee, or a potions instructor brought to tears on an essay about Dragon's blood (which I lol'd at). The little details here shine (Percy and salt), and manage to convey a lot about your character. Noticing all these small things kind of suggests that she's at a lack for more interesting things to notice.

Molly is definitely a very real character, and rather different from a lot of characters on this site. I love that you managed a light story, that's genuinely funny and a good read, but isn't *silly*--which is rather a feat!

Anyway, I definitely want to read more, and I apologize PROFUSELY for being so late on reviewing this!

Cheers!
-Roisin

Author's Response: Haha! No problemo! I'm a terrible person for dropping the ball on things as well, so I completely understand. And well done for going through all those stories!

I thought about writing this from Rose's point of view, but you're right - it happens a lot. And I felt that Rose would have been coming from a different place than Molly. Also, reckless and Molly don't quite fit. Her "rebellion" for lack of a better word, is much quieter and more internal than something I would've written for Rose.

I loved writing all the details of everyday life! It really helped me connect with my own real life that way - one can forget the little things amongst everything else. I'm glad you liked it!

Considering how many silly stories I write, I'm really pleased that you don't find this story silly, but still funny. I do still want to make people smile! Thank you!

Thanks so much for the review swap! I really enjoyed doing it :)


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Review #23, by magnolia_magic King of Anything

22nd August 2014:
Hi! Maggie here with your requested review! Thank you so much for your patience with me. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting so long, but I'm really glad I got to read your chapter!

Wow, what an iconic quote to start with. I think it was a gutsy move having it as your first line, and you used it really well. Having it come from Molly's inner voice instead of a line of dialogue was a nice effect. It didn't feel forced or gimmicky at all, which can easily happen when a character actually speaks the challenge quote. Great technique there :)

I can totally identify with Molly's struggle to find what she truly wants out of life. Her tone is feisty and sharp without being to over-the-top. And she's very perceptive, too, which is so much fun. I LOVED the dinner scene with her parents, with Molly focusing so much on the minute details of her food. Her commentary is so dry and funny there; overall, her narrative voice is just a pleasure to read. I do wish I'd seen her interact with the (ex)boyfriend, though. That was the one thing I felt was missing; you show us a lot of Molly's thoughts during the breakup, but I wanted to see how she handled it in the moment. What did she say to him? Was she calmly accepting, or was there some snark involved?

I really really liked your portrayal of Percy and Audrey. They are a little high-strung and they expect a lot, but it's clear that they love their daughter. That's the most important thing :)

Great job with this opening! I would love to see you pick this story back up, because based on this chapter I think it will be a very enjoyable read. Your style is great; subtly funny and engaging :)

Author's Response: I'm finally here to respond to your review, so really, I should be thanking you for your patience!

That's what you get for entering love quote challenges - you can end up with really awesome quotes, but also really popular quotes which mean so much to people and you're just like... how do I even begin to do this justice? I'm so pleased that you felt it worked.

I'm so glad Molly's struggle is so readily identifiable. She's this quiet person on the outside, but on the inside, she's like this rolling mass of feelings and the only way she knows to deal with that is through sarcasm. She's just tired of what her life has become. Thanks for letting me know about her ex-boyfriend! I didn't have any interaction with him because he's become so unimportant in her life now, but yeah, I can see how it would have been cool for her to interact with him. I'll keep it in mind for the future!

Percy and Audrey are a lot of fun to write. Their own love story is pretty crazy, too!

Thanks for the lovely review :) I'm so sorry about the late reply!


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Review #24, by TidalDragon Take It Easy

16th August 2014:
Alrighty! Here at the end of what you've got so far.

Here I think description was your strongest suit. While the detail was done well also in the last chapter with Stonehenge, I got a bit lost from the big picture perspective about their movements there. Here it was much more straightforward and the detailed descriptions shone again along with the bigger picture of the area where they landed.

As far as characterization went, I thought Molly's skills and assessment came to the fore well here and you did a good job contrasting her with Heath more clearly in terms of how they approached the situation of finding themselves in an unknown location - especially in their conversation toward the end.

The dialogue for me didn't do too much but get us through the scene, but it did allow you to give us glimpses of the characters' reactions to one another. I think the dynamic is becoming more open and friendly a little rapidly for me, primarily because we've seen nothing from Molly's POV about why she'd thaw. Perhaps that's coming and if it is it will probably prove fine in the end, but if it's staked on the fact she's ready for a shake-up, it's not coming across as enough to me because while she was interested in a shake-up, she's not particularly happy to be on this assignment (based on earlier chapters) and certainly not happy about the Stonehenge portkey decision, so I'm wondering where the smiling behind the cup for example is stemming from.

All in all you write very well, I think there's just some food for thought in a few minor areas that would stand you in good stead to consider. I hope you found the reviews helpful! If you have any questions, feel free to PM.

Author's Response: I'm glad that the description stood out - I spent an inordinate amount of time on it, so it's always nice when people notice and appreciate that :) Practise makes perfect!

The dialogue really took a backseat in this chapter. I sort of wrote this chapter backwards in that sense; usually I rely heavily on dialogue for most things for which I used description here. It was nice, for a change. I agree that they're relationship is moving too fast - I wrote these chapters incredibly quickly and that rushing sort of shows in this aspect very obviously. I have a few ideas about how I can explain that, and maybe how I can tone it down as well without having to alter these existing chapters too much.

Thank you so much for these lovely reviews! As always, you've given me plenty to think about (so pleased about that ) :)


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Review #25, by TidalDragon Uncharted

16th August 2014:
This chapter seemed to be primarily an early introduction to the opening dynamic between Molly and Heath, so I'll focus mostly there.

I think by and large you did well with it. Heath seems to carry on in the role of the slightly cocky, yet tolerably affable American with a side of screw-up in him and I think it's quite appropriate that Molly starts off quite unimpressed by him. It was clear from the previous chapter that Heath was at least somewhat struck by Molly's appearance, given the detailed description he provided of it and it was interesting the way that you had Molly provide a similar, yet not nearly so superlative description in the opposite direction here. For someone breaking from the expected for her, Molly definitely still seems affected by some "judgment genes" her father may have passed on to her with the way she scrutinizes Heath's attire and behavior. It's appropriately more clinical from her end though.

As far as individual characterization though, two things have bothered me here. One is how remarkably recovered Heath seems after the dissolution of his engagement. For most people that's going to be a monumental event that would not be as easy to just put behind them, and that's how Heath comes off so far to me. Molly's reaction to the end of her serious relationship was more well-developed and clearly things had deteriorated over time so it makes sense to me on her side of things, but Heath...well, perhaps we'll find out later about him.

Number two is the Stonehenge Guy. I suppose he's comically some people's cup of tea, so I don't begrudge you that. Just being open and telling you he's not mine and we'll leave that there.

Be careful as well overcomplicating sentences that don't need to be. It wasn't a big issue here, but there have been some examples throughout and one that jumped out in this chapter was "Henry Zhang and she avoided each otherís company after that." It reads a bit awkward to me despite being grammatically correct and I think it would be more natural to simply replace everything before avoided with "They" - just a thought.

See you for the final (so far) chapter.

Author's Response: I'm still not quite sure how much of their nationalities should play into their characterisations. Obviously, they're quite large parts of who they are, and whenever travel comes up, it seems to matter the most, but we'll see. I'm hoping to slowly distance myself away from using "British" and "American" stereotypes as their relationship develops and they start to see each other as individuals, a little separate from just this one aspect. Molly's scrutiny is part "judgement genes" (so eloquently put - love it!), part "scientist", and part "Auror training". I think once I write more of the way she sees the world, these three parts become a little more distinct.

I go into Heath's engagement a little later. Lazy writing habits made me gloss over it a little at the beginning, but it definitely comes back, and hopefully in a big, messy way.

I completely understand you not liking Stonehenge Guy! Humour is so subjective, and whilst I try to write it in a way that appeals to everyone, I obviously can't achieve that. Some people like some things, some people don't - that's totally cool!

Gah! There are so many sentence structure problems in these chapters! I only noticed them after rereading a few months after writing. I've made notes all over my drafts, to which I've now added this specific example. Thanks for that!

Thank you for reading and reviewing :)


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