Reading Reviews for Remembrance
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lululuna Remembrance

30th December 2013:
Hello, I'm here for your requested review! :)

Wow, I really liked this story. It was beautiful, and a really fresh and original perspective on the PTSD that I'm sure many people would have suffered after the war. I love how you wrote about Hannah, since I've never read any stories about her, and how the focus at the turn of the year is on her decision to move forward and set Ernie free, as she says. I like the indication that she's moving forward and away from trying to cling on to the old memories: it's like instead of trying to recreate the time when "anything was possible" she's realized that isn't working, and that in order to be okay again she needs to start new.

You asked in your request about how the story felt as a stand-alone piece. For the most part, I think it works beautifully. I'm not sure what The Cloud Dancer focused on but I thought the balance and hints between what was happening to Hannah and what had happened to make her so broken were very skillfully woven into the story. I think the minimal references and not dwelling on the backstory worked quite well: for example, one big idea was how she had been injured and couldn't walk for a long time. You hinted and conveyed that very smoothly without saying too much, by saying brief lines about how she had slowly recovered and what her body looked like to her.

The only part I might have found confusing were the mentions of Wayne and Tonks. I'm not sure if Wayne was a canon student or not, but I figured out by the end that he was one of Hannah and Ernie's good friends. I almost feel like you could have put one or two phrases of introduction to Wayne to show how important he was to Hannah right at the beginning, even just something like "Wayne, who had always been the brave one" (or whatever) to show the level of familiarity between the two of them and why his death would affect her as much as her boyfriend's being tortured. The other slightly confusing one was Tonks, since I was a little unsure of how well Hannah would have known Tonks, enough for her to be mentioned as one of the ghosts who haunted her. If in the other story Tonks is mentioned, a way to make this even stronger as a stand-alone piece would be to mention how Tonks was known to Hannah- maybe she visited the DA and other students when they were living in the Room of Requirement or something? :) Just some ideas!

Your writing style is beautiful: I love the simplistic style of the story and how it says so much with a few words and images. It suited Hannah's sense of being entrapped and being kind of physically and emotionally reduced to this bare, almost unhumanlike person with ridges for bones. I really liked the use of phrases in brackets - the first use, with "Ernie being tortured (again and again and again)" was an incredible way to begin the story, it was so chilling, but also hinted at the repetitive nature of Hannah's life and how monotonous and continuous her grief and fear has become. The repeated section about the past at the beginning and the end of the piece was a lovely way to round out the story as well.

I really liked the characterization and descriptions of Ernie here and the things Hannah noticed, like his glasses on his head and his briefcase, and they helped show what he does everyday and what kind of character he is. And then the pain which Hannah felt when looking at him was so interesting, and how she feels obligated to love him but he's just a reminder of pain; I've never quite seen a relationship like that, and it was both fascinating and heartbreaking, what Ernie comes to symbolize for her even though she doesn't want to stop loving him, not really.

In your request you asked what I thought the end result was: I thought it was how Hannah realizes that she needs to move on and create a new start for herself, and how Ernie is a remnant of the ghosts of the past even if he is alive. I thought that idea of breaking the cycle and choosing to aim for a new kind of happiness - although Hannah still has a long way to go - is the perfect way to write about Hannah's journey to break free of the prison of her own mind.

As for the description balance, I thought it was well done and I wouldn't change that at all. The dialogue was sparse, but each bit of dialogue was important to the story, and the main battle and remembrance is going on inside of Hannah's head, which was beautiful to read about.

A couple minor things I noticed:
not the one she currently has Winning I think there's a period missing after "has."
all he would do is lay down beside her and let her breath. I think "breath" should be "breathe." :)

Amazing job with this, I loved reading it! I hope you enjoy this review and find it at least a little helpful! :)

Author's Response: Hey!

Sorry for the late response *hangs head in shame*. I've just been flailing about with work and doing 17 hour days that I haven't really had time to breath!

So anyway, thank you so much for stopping by reviewing this! I really appreciate it. Yah, i wanted to try and focus on what she is trying to let go. It's at a moment where although she's still scarred and hurting. Suffering a lot from PTSD, she sees a faint light at the end of the tunnel. She sees herself more clearly than she has in the past year and a half since the war ended. It's not really a happy tale, but there is a bit of hope in it as we know that Hannah is moving in the right direction.

Yah, it's riding off the Cloud Dancer. I don't think that it's really needed to understand this and i'm glad you felt so too considering you haven't read it and got this fine. I may try and make the connection to Wayne and Tonks stronger. Wayne was a canon character if you believe that JKR's notes are canon. He never made it into the books i don' think. I think i read him on potter more as well as lexicon. With Tonks. I suppose I thought that the last year the Order and the DA would have a bit more communication between them as they were communicating quite a bit through the wireless. So i assumed that they'd b e familiar with one another. Enough so that it would hurt to see them die as well. I think i'll try to make that connection in the story itself though as well as I did wonder if it was believable with just a mention of her name.

Thank you so much for your compliments about the style!! Gahh! Thank you, that's so nice. I'm always a bit unsure of brackets in stories myself. They always seems bit contrived, but as I was getting through this story it just made sense to add them in. It suited Hannah's character and, as you said, her repetitive nature.

I like Ernie quite a lot as well. He's seen a lot of horror in his life, but he's somehow managed to continue on with everyday things like going to work and combing his hair. He's grasped onto a little bit of hope long before Hannah ever does. He's been her rock for most of the time after war, but now this rock only serves as a reminder of it. He's become so apart of the memory of it she can't detangle him from it even though she still wants to love him and need him she knows that the relationship isn't healthy anymore. It's destructive to her, and him as well in a way because you can only be that person for so long before it drains you.

Thank you so much for your review and comments!! I really appreciated what you had to say!!


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Review #2, by marauderfan Remembrance

27th December 2013:
Hi Zayne! I'm here for 2nd (of 12) day of reviewing on the forums!

I really liked this! I haven't read many Hannah fics and I don't know if I've read anything that features Ernie as a main character as well. And I think you wrote a post-war Hannah and Ernie superbly. I felt for both of them.

It's so sad how Hannah is suffering a survivor's guilt and post traumatic stress of the war, but very realistic, I think; I can't imagine going through what she did. I hope in years to come, both Hannah and Ernie are able to recover to the point where they can see each other again without instantly remembering the horrors of the war.

I liked the end though - it seems there is hope for a new start for both of them. The countdown was a nice touch - like it's the end of an era, sort of, and at one it's starting over. I like that.

You mentioned at the beginning that you hoped this worked as a stand alone piece; I haven't read the story that comes before this and I wasn't confused at all reading this. I did wonder how Hannah knew Tonks so well, but it didn't take away from the story to not know. In a way I liked the vagueness of not knowing because it fit in with Hannah's empty state of mind.

Great work on this!

Author's Response: Hi!!

Thanks for choosing this little story to review then! I've really enjoyed writing the two of them, probably, as you said, because they are so minor. It gives me so much more to play with. I'd like to think that they'd both recover without being a destructive force to each other (especially on the side of Ernie being destructive (unintentional of course) to Hannah). But yah, i'd like them to be friends again, to be able to get passed this, but I think it's the close proximity that also causes the spiral to worsen.

I'm glad you found the hope in the countdown. I really wanted to have that moment in there when the reader sees that it isn't the end for Hannah or Ernie. It's starting over, it's a moment that Hannah has felt in the air the need for change.

I'm really pleased you felt this was a standalone. I always seems to write in my own little universe of HP and after writing something I'm always wondering if i've explained it enough on the screen when the rest of the backstory is either in another story or in my head.

Thank you so much for your review!!


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Review #3, by teh tarik Remembrance

25th December 2013:
Oh my goodness, Zayne! :( :( This was such a fabulous oneshot! I think you did a wonderful job with the prompt; I haven't read all the other Duel entries yet, but I have come across a few, and your story really has that darker, bleaker edge to it. You pulled off Hannah's situation really convincingly, and I admire the detail you went into to convey her emotional and psychological state. Clearly, she's suffering some sort of post-traumatic stress, which really wouldn't be surprising, given the horrific nature of the war. One line in your story particularly stood out to me: The remembrance would suck out her soul even more fully then any Dementor. I've always thought of the concept of remembrance as something grave and filled with solemnity, something like dignified pain, of learning to live with what has happened, and memorialising the past. But here in your story, remembrance is almost destructive (at least that's how I interpreted that sentence in context with the rest of the fic); it's life-draining, it traps Hannah in this horrible stasis where she is perpetually haunted by the ghosts that she refuses to let go of, by a kind of survivor's guilt. So much so that she has to let that one relationship go, probably the only meaningful thing in her life right now. I felt so sad for Ernie, and I really do hope that the two will arrive at some sort of understanding, that perhaps, just perhaps, many years down the road there's a chance of them reconciling. Maybe as friends, if not something more.

I'm really interested in how much she thinks of this Wayne; I do wonder if she and him ever had a relationship in the past? Maybe before her sixth year, when she began dating Ernie? Or they could just be really great friends, I dunno. Still, I think it's great how her thoughts rest quite a fair bit on Wayne; it makes her sense of loss so much more real. I also love what you've done with Ernie in the fic: how resigned he is, how haunted he is by the past, especially his torture at the hands of Death Eaters. He's filled with this kind of emptiness that Hannah sees, and possibly he sees the same in her, and they take comfort in each other, thinking that they've been through the same. But their relationship isn't exactly a healthy one. They do seem to be sucked into each other's hollowness, so I guess it's quite inevitable that their relationship end in order for Hannah to achieve some sort of liberation. I do hope Ernie recovers :(

I love the ending segment of your story, the countdown to the new year. It really fit the prompt for the Duel, and it really gave this escalating sense to your fic, that inevitability of the ending, even though your story is quite open-ended, which I love. And I think the use of circular structure worked really well, and at the same time, I do feel that that final second, that momentous one, - for me it signifies a sort of casting away of that whole circle, that cycle of death and grief and pain and of the once-beautiful and now unattainable past, and that everything has been wiped clean. But this is probably just me, I dunno? I really do like a hopeful ending. :)

Anyway, this was an absolutely fantastic oneshot, Zayne, and a real pleasure to read! I'm so glad I got the chance! Merry Christmas, lovely, and have a really great one! :D ♥

teh

Author's Response: Hey teh!

Thank you so much for taking the time and reading this! I'm so very pleased you've enjoyed the read and felt something while you were reading it. I was obsessed with the idea with remembrance with this prompt because I always find myself so much more introspective around this time as I remember my past years and I find myself even yearning for something that's already passed, Usually, it has a lovely tinge to it, as you've mentioned. There is sort of a nostalgic feel to remembrance, but I can also see how that same thing that makes me happy to be introspective and think and yearn and how that can turn into someone's worst nightmare. So i think the word is a double edged sword, it can be great, but there is another edge to it that is quite destructive it it pulls you in and you forget how to live and enjoy the present. You really hit it spot one when you were chatting about it. It's pulled her into a status where there isn't much else to focus on and the only thing that meant something to her (Ernie) is causing these memories to be stronger and more poignant.

Wayne- in my mind they never had a relationship, the three of them just ended up being really good mates. (actually, in my mind, all the hufflepuff's were really good friends). I had her focus the most on him though as I think people would focus the most on people close to them. The memories they have of those people have become the only thing they have left and I think with Hannah, those memories have sucked her in. Which is why she focuses even more on him (and others)

Even with all that, i like that you found the hope. I wanted this to end with that even though her life in the last while has been a destructive cycle of remembrance that there is something else, that all one needs is to breath and count and perhaps things could get better. It goes along with the prompt for me in that she's realized she needs to shed off the past, let it slide passed her to get anywhere else. I do agree with you that the end is circular and it's about hope and casting things away. Though she still has far to go, this is a small step.

I'm really pleased you stopped by and read this! I'm so sorry that you've had to wait so long for this response!


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Review #4, by momotwins Remembrance

25th December 2013:
Oh, poor Hannah. I think she's got some PTSD from the battle, and who can blame her? It'd be a horrible thing to live through, especially for a teenager. Thinking of all the people she saw die, man. Something about this prompt really brought the tragedy out! All the entries are sad! I don't remember a Wayne in canon - have I missed someone or is that an OC from your story?

This was sad, but it was nice to see Hannah starting to open up to the possibility of getting better at the end. Maybe she'll heal after all. Nice job, I enjoyed your writing. Merry Christmas!

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for your lovely comments. She definitely got some severe PTSD from the war and it's taken some time to come to the point she's at now. But she's been plagued by all her friends who fought in the war and seeing their cold faces stare up her. I was reminded a lot when I was writing this of my grandfather who, although did not have PTSD, would shake his head from some of the more senseless deaths from WWI and 2 and always wonder why. I could see how he was affected by it, and I suppose that has become part of my writing. As someone who was a part of the resistance in Hogwarts and part of the Battle of Hogwarts, I can only imagine certain things would stay with you. Certain questions would continue to get stuck in your mind. Questions that probably could never be answered.

Wayne Hopkins was a Hufflepuff in Harry's year. He was only in drafts and I think he was mentioned on Pottermore. He wasn't in the books though. So, he's canon if you take JKR's notes and Pottermore.

Saying all this, i didn't want a story completely without hope. For the prompt, I wanted to write something that was a changing moment for her, even if it was small. I wanted there to be some growth where she realizes that things cannot keep going as they have been. This story, her accepting and realizing that Ernie can't save her (also opening up to her being with Neville later I suppose), is a sort of awakening.

Thank you so much for taking the time to review, i really appreciate it!


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Review #5, by DracoFerret11 Remembrance

21st December 2013:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums! I decided to read and review all of the Writer's Duel entries! :D So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: Only one error that I spotted. You wrote, "She remembered when all he would do is lay down beside her and let her breath." That last word there should be "breath." That's it though!

Line I Loved: It's rare that a story has a line that I adore so much that I have to mention it. But this one did. And it was: "His hazel eyes were red. Holding back and holding on. (He didn't have to say it)." AH. I LOVE IT. The "holding back and holding on" was where it really struck me. Amazing.

Plot: So, this was really lovely. You did an amazing job of capturing Hannah's emotions and experiences. I liked that you added in the canon characters who died in the Battle of Hogwarts. It was really striking. I was just really impressed, honestly. Very, very well done.

Characterization: You did a gorgeous job of capturing Hannah and Ernie. I've never read a story with Ernie as a main character, but I still felt so bad for him when she told him that he couldn't save her and h realized that she was right. I like that this story also sets up Hannah to end up with Neville! (If you're following JK canon.) But she was lovely. Broken, sad, but so real. Great job.

Descriptions: I actually think the lack of constant descriptions in this story really helped it. It made a lot of sense that Hannah wouldn't be paying much attention to how she looked, etc. The details that you did choose to give really enhanced the story and the mood. Wonderful.

Emotions: Wow. You really blew me away with the feelings that Hannah had. And the moment where Ernie realized he had to let her go. Ah. So sad. But amazingly beautiful. Great job.

Style: Your style in this was awesome! Normally I hate parentheses in stories, but they served such an obvious and concrete purpose here that I can't protest them at all. Wonderful.

Overall, great job! Good luck in the Duel!

--Emily

Author's Response: Hey!!

Thank you so much for taking your time to review this little story of mine! I'm really pleased you've reacted so well to this, even though it's quite sad for a New Years story. I'm always a little unsure before posting stories like this. I worry about other people's reaction to post war fics. But anyway, I'm really pleased that you found this so lovely.

I don't know why i'm always drawn to post war horror stories where the characters go through hell and back to move on. I guess I like the emotion of it. I'm really happy you liked the plot of it, how, although it was about rebirth and change, there is darkness with it because to get this rebirth they had to let go. Let go of each other and everything they'd been through together. It came as a realization from both of them. He, as you said, accepting that he couldn't save her, and she, realizing that he couldn't save her- she'd have to do it herself. Let go of everything that's been holding her back. And he has been in a weird way, he was a symbol of war and things she's lost.

I really enjoyed writing Ernie and Hannah. They were my head canon for so long. I'm really pleased you enjoyed their characterization as well. I've always seen Ernie as a fairly strong and loyal character (sure, he doubted Harry for a bit there, but he was sticking up for his own friend whom he knew better) and I think he's a really fascinating character. I'd love to write a longer story about him. But yah, that was the whole point of this, was to set it up for Hannah/Neville later on. I'm letting canon take over my head canon. I'm really pleased you liked Hannah and thought of her as a real, live breathing character. I don't ever want to fall into the rut where I write emotional stories and the characters don't feel real and able to connect with people reading.

Yah, I didn't want to overload the story with description. It would have detracted from the story. I agree with you there. Right now, that's less important than what is going on and i'm really happy you felt the same way.

Thank you so much for reviewing this story and leaving such lovely comments! I'm not a massive fan of parentheses either, but for some reason it worked with this story for me. It made it feel more connected and grounded. Thanks again for your lovely review!


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Review #6, by ReeBee Remembrance

20th December 2013:
Oh my god! That was so chilling!!! Ah! Beautiful!

Just the depression of it all! I was hooked from the starting sentence! Wow. The ending was super open ended! Which played in your favour! I apologise in advance for the short length of my review, not to mention my terrible vocabulary!

The only thing that I would recommend is maybe more description towards the end. That was extend on the dreamlike quality of the fic. But, even without that, it was perfect.

Poor Hannah! I would have never expected her to lapse into depression! Wow.

She doesn't kill herself at the end, does she? Or does she end their relationship??

Once again! Congrats for completing your writers duel entry! :D And awesome job with this! I loved it! :D Sorry for the super short and probably unhelpful review though!!

-ReeBee :)

Author's Response: ReeBee!!! Thank you so much! This was very helpful! I really appreciate people's opinion on my work!! Gahh! I don't have words, but this review has made me so happy!

I'm really pleased you enjoyed the open endedness of the story. I wanted it to be circular and perhaps show some of the harshness that people had to go through. I did want to create some hope, that the new years was going to mean new things for Hannah. That she coming to slow realizations that things need to change. Some of the things may include her relationship with Ernie which serves as a constant reminder of everything she's gone through. Perhaps she has to leave the one thing that she thought she could cling to in order to get better because that thing is keeping her in her own prison. If that makes sense. If she lets go, she's really letting herself be free. Also, perhaps she needs to rely on herself for strength rather than someone else.

She does not kill herself by the end of the story! Definitely not, though, i suppose, now that you've asked that, I can sort of see how you'd interpret it that way. I'm not fully against that interpretation either. That's what i really like about reading and writing is that the interpretation is all in the readers hands once the work get's published (whether on a website or an actual book). So, i'll leave it up to you what she does.

Anyway, before I got on more of a rant, i'll just end with a massive thank you for all your comments and for taking the time to review my story. I get what you're saying with the description in the end. I'll think about adding more, the only reason i kept it so short was because it was sort of reflecting the actual time countdown to new years (10, 9, 8, 7 etc) and i didn't want too much writing in-between that. I suppose i like the moments that are caught second by second. But it does seem imbalanced from the beginning to the end so i may rethink this.

Thank you so much for your comments once again!


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