Reading Reviews for You, Traitor
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Thea You, Traitor

22nd January 2016:
I really like your take on Peter an attempt at heriocs gone horrible wrong, so much can start with good intentions. I also really like that you've mentioned the electricity/magic incompatibility which although stated lots often seems to be forgotten in fanfiction which somehow lessens the magic. I'd love to read more detailing Peter's flaw from grace, fantastic.

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Review #2, by PeasantGirlFromMars You, Traitor

28th July 2015:
I think this is fantastic! So well-written it feels like missing pages from the original.
Thank you very much for writing it!
Would you mind, if I translate this fic into Russian and post it on hogwartsnet website ( I will make sure to credit you as the author of the fic and share the link to the original text posted on this website. Also, any additional information (like your email or website) can be listed as well, if you wish.
I hope that you will be able to read this message soon and will allow me to share an incredible experience of reading your work with those who don't speak English.

Kind regards,

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Review #3, by endlessShenanigans You, Traitor

18th June 2014:
Wow, that was really good! Nice segue from past to future. I like your style.
It takes guts to write from Pet's POV because so many people hate him; so very nice job.

Author's Response: Thanks so much, I'm glad you enjoyed reading this and that you like my style! I don't particularly like Peter either, which is why it was fun getting into his head and figuring out his motivations for doing what he did. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #4, by Emmie You, Traitor

9th May 2014:
Wow. This was just fantastic!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed reading this!

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Review #5, by lumos_knox You, Traitor

24th April 2014:
This was a very well thought out and clever piece of writing! Very brilliant-thankyou

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed reading this one-shot! Thank you very much for the compliments and for leaving a review!

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Review #6, by Eliza You, Traitor

23rd February 2014:
(my one problem is that the ending seems just a TEENSY bit rushed but I probably wouldn't have noticed it if I wasn't interrupted in the middle)

Author's Response: Haha, thank you! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed this one-shot! I'm aware of that -- I had to finish it quickly to get it through the queue so that it could be submitted for the competition :) I did consider editing it, but given that it was a winner as it was, I decided it might be best to leave it be. :) Thank you for leaving a review!

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Review #7, by Little_Ghost14 You, Traitor

10th February 2014:
Well done on a lovely story. The narrative flowed so nicely, with great descriptions and scene-setting. The atmosphere enhanced the piece too. I must admit, out of all the HP fanfic I've read, I honestly haven't read one told from the PoV of Pettigrew in Scabbers form. So kudos for originality from me! The insight into his thoughts was really interesting. So, all round, great work!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm really happy that you enjoyed the descriptions and scenery, and that this one-shot is unique. Thanks for taking the time to leave a review!

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Review #8, by sweetypye0110 You, Traitor

6th February 2014:
Really really liked this. Very unique. Great idea, great writing style!!

Author's Response: Ahhh, that's great to hear! Thank you for taking the time to leave a review! :)

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Review #9, by The_Owlery You, Traitor

17th January 2014:
Wow it's so good!! First wormtail fanfic I've read and I like it!!
He kinda reminds me of Gollum from lotr in a way.
I like the telling of where "scabbers" came from and how Percy got him
I like this interpretation of it!!

Author's Response: Wow, thank you! I'm really glad that you like this! I've never actually read LOTR, sorry. :( I'm really pleased that you enjoyed this missing moment from canon. Thank you for reviewing! :)

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Review #10, by BenedictPumpkinpatch You, Traitor

7th January 2014:
Review 5 for the Writer's duel.

Stories in second person can sometimes be very difficult to write, they can feel flat and monotonous as the reader may not be too used to reading them. But you managed to grab my attention with this and the perspective was really well written.

Your use of JK's characters and how they behaved was (I thought) perfectly in character and Peter was cleverly written.

Great job with the second person view and a fantastic story.

Author's Response: Hi Ben! ;)

Thank you, I'm really pleased that you enjoyed my use of second person POV, especially as it was my second time writing it. I'm glad it was successful!

Oooh, thank you! I tried to characterize Peter differently from the ways I've seen him written before, and it's great that you felt he was canon!

Thank you so much for reviewing!

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Review #11, by MissesWeasley123 You, Traitor

3rd January 2014:
Hello! I'm here for day 8 of the 12 Days of Reviewing. This was great!

I really liked Peter in this, Isobel. He was so different. Like.. He was good but he couldn't resist the dark side. It was such an interesting twist. It was even more serious because of the use of second person. You pull it off so well. Everything was flawless. This was dark but you made such great use of the prompt.

The flashback was perfect as well. It's so tough to make it flow without disturbing the reader, and you again did it brilliantly. You really are talented.

I feel like your descriptions were brilliant. It was easily the best thing after Peter's character. Everything was so vivid and dark it was poetic in a dark horrid way. And then you had the wonderful happy stuff with the Weasleys. That contrast was excellently done as well.

Everything was flawless! Good luck!

Author's Response: Hello!

Awww, thank you, Nadia! I'm happy you liked Peter, because I really wanted to make him a realistic character. And thank you - this is actually my second attempt at second person so I'm glad it went down so well ^.^ I was worried the dark nature wouldn't fit with the festive theme, so it's fabulous you felt it fitted with the prompt!

I wanted to embed more of the New Year aspect into this one-shot, and I felt the flashbacks would help.

Awww, thank you so much! And I'm glad you liked the Weasleys; I'm always worried about writing canon characters!

Thank you for the lovely review, Nadia ♥

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Review #12, by peppersweet You, Traitor

3rd January 2014:
Hi, here for day 8 of the 12 days of reviewing challenge!

I very rarely read stories about the Marauders, much less often stories about Peter, so I really enjoyed this one-shot. I liked where you went with the prompt, with Peter literally changing himself physically at the New Year as well as shrugging off any of his remaining loyalties to the Order in favour of Voldemort. I found this line quite chilling: You just wanted them to be safe. If they’d just allowed your master to kill Harry, everything would be okay. To think that Peter would just prefer a child to die so things can go back to normal with him and his friends is pretty disturbing and says a lot about him as a character. I also liked how you wrote about him becoming part of the Weasley family, although it did seem a little strange that Percy just plucked a random rat off the ground and decided he wanted it as a pet. Also, the jump in Peter's mind from the mention of Ron to knowing he'd be able to spy on Harry at Hogwarts seemed a little unrealistic. I thought it was more a case of Peter ending up with a magical family out of sheer luck and choosing to stay there as it gave him a good place to hide, rather than tactfully biding his time with them until he could fulfil his duties. Peter is a coward through and through, after all, which you actually did a really good job of portraying earlier on in the one-shot.

Well done, best of luck with the duel! And a happy belated New Year :) ♥

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you very much! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed this one-shot, and that you enjoyed how I interpreted the prompt.

That line is definitely creepy; in a way, it makes sense but when you add emotion into the decision, it's a terrible thought to contemplate.

I intended for Percy to be the "odd one" of his family, so he wanted a pet so he could have a friend, and since the Weasleys couldn't afford to buy one he'd pick the rat. I'll try and see if I can add in a bit more description to convey that, but I agree with you on the unrealistic aspect. I'm afraid I rushed the ending of the one-shot to get it into the queue before the deadline, and I'll definitely fix that soon.

Thank you so much for your lovely comments, and a belated Happy New Year to you too! ♥

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Review #13, by BookDinosaur You, Traitor

3rd January 2014:
Hello! I'm here for the Eighth of the Twelve Days of Reviewing Challenge.

I really enjoyed reading this! I think you did a fantastic job of incorporating your prompt into the story.

I think you got Peter's characterisation spot on here. I really loved how you brought out how his intentions were good, but he just couldn't resist the Dark Lord, and then how slowly he was sucked into the wrong side, until he was serving Voldemort completely, but I could see how guilty he felt throughout this piece, and you did a stellar job of getting inside his head and showing us everything he felt, exactly how he felt them. It was really perfect.

Writing in second person point of view is a really difficult feat to pull off, but I think you managed to do that really, really well.

I think that you did a really great job with the flashback, when Peter was just remembering the last New Year's with James and Lily and Harry and it just made me sosad, to think that quite honestly, he was their friend once, and then he grew and changed and turned into a person who they probably wouldn't know if they saw him.

I think personally the last section was a little sudden, the transition between him thinking and remembering and then meeting the Weasleys felt a bit rushed. I did like how you described the Weasleys though, it was spot on and I laughed to hear Fred and Georger throwing snowballs at each other.

All in all, though, I really enjoyed this oneshot and I'm glad I had the chance to read it. Congrats on getting an entry into the Writers' Duel and good luck! :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Oooh, thank you! I've read a few stories where Peter was depicted as outrightly evil or pathetically stupid, and neither of those portrayals sat comfortably with me, so I'm really glad that you felt this was realistic because that's what I was aiming for ^.^

Woah, thank you! This is actually my second one-shot in second person POV, so I'm really pleased you thought I pulled it off.

That flashback definitely makes me sad. I wanted to add in some more of the New Year's theme, since that /was/ the prompt after all, and past New Years seemed like a good way to do that. You're absolutely right; Peter seems to have changed beyond recogniztion - it's one of those kinds of changes that his friends wouldn't notice, seeing him on a regular basis, but someone who hadn't seen him for a long time would pick up on.

You're absolutely right, and I will definitely fix that soon. The ending /was/ quite rushed, because I wanted to get it validated in time for the duel. I'm pleased you liked the Weasleys; I'm always quite nervous writing canon characters.

Thank you so much for reviewing; I really appreciate it! :)

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Review #14, by momotwins You, Traitor

25th December 2013:
Wow. I think this is the best Peter Pettigrew perspective I've ever read. His love for his friends and rationales for betraying them, his slow descent to the dark side, his sense of self-preservation that overrides all his other loyalties. He wants to be rewarded for the betrayal and thinks he deserves it, and yet still he thinks of himself as their friend. He's smart enough to be a schemer and a hanger-on, and plan ahead for his own well-being. Wow. It's amazing, you really got inside his head. And Percy's motivation in wanting a pet, something of his own that he doesn't share with his brothers (though later, of course, Ron inherits it), is really good as well.

I really enjoyed this, I think you did wonderfully! Merry Christmas!

Author's Response: Wow. Coming from such a talented author like yourself, that's a wonderful comment to hear - thank you! I've read a few stories that depict Peter as someone stupid who relies on the Marauders, and that portrayal's never really sat comfortably with me so I'm really pleased that I've managed to depict him realistically. And yes, Percy's sort of the odd one out amongst his siblings, so I like to think that he found a friend through his pets - first Scabbers and then Hermes.

Thank you for reviewing - especially on Christmas Day! Wow! What a lovely present ^.^

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Review #15, by Secret Santa You, Traitor

23rd December 2013:
You are brilliant at writing in second person POV. It is very difficult, and you have written it well.

I love the way you wrote Pettigrew. I've never liked him, just thought of him as a cowardly traitor. But I love the way you have portrayed him. It is brilliant, you make me almost feel sympathy towards Pettigrew, which is an amazing feat. Putting this story in his point of view, and can accept why Pettigrew did what he did, and his thoughts. It is truly spectacular.

I appreciate the way that you have Pettigrew reflecting ahead, but it's not like he was just writing a New Years Resolution or something. You use the plot in a subtle way.

How did Pettigrew know that Ron and Harry would be friends? It's not like Pettigrew knew they were a Gryffindor family or anything. Determining two boys would be friends when they are both only a year old is a little bit suspicious.

I like how in this you show Percy more than just a grouchy, rule-stickler. I suppose Percy could wasn't always like that.

Wonderful job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Santa! I'm really pleased you consider I've written second person POV well!

Peter is definitely a difficult character to like, and I particularly don't have many positive feelings towards him, but that was one of the challenges I set himself -- to write an unlikable character and get into his head and figure out his motivations and it's fabulous to hear that you almost felt sympathy for him after what he did to the Potters, Sirius and Remus. Your compliments are lovely to hear!

This was actually the reason I chose prompt two -- some people had already gotten entries up within a day or two of the Duel being posted, and I noticed similarities between stories with prompt three -- the mistletoe prompt -- and I wanted to put a different spin on the prompt and be unique. I remember not having any plunnies for prompt four, so I chose two (I can't remember what the first prompt was).

That was a combination of writing at 2am and writing in a rush to get this finished and in the queue/validated before the deadline. I think Peter would have guessed they weren't a Slytherin family because he'd have recognised Arthur, and because Slytherins would never have allowed their children to run around in a Muggle village.

Thank you so much and thank you for the reviews, Santa!

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Review #16, by DracoFerret11 You, Traitor

22nd December 2013:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums! I decided to read and review all of the Writer's Duel entries! :D So, let's go over things:

Plot: Wow! This was really, really lovely. I don't frequently like Peter-stories, but this was so well written and believable. I loved the guilt that I laced throughout the story, and the fact that you didn't make him turn into a rat directly after the confrontation with Sirius. It was very believable to think that he would go on the run as a human first, before resorting to life as a rat. The flashbacks to past New Year's Eves were so moving. It made me want to write a story about the young Marauders on the edge of a new life...before everything was taken from them. That's just so tragic and you really did it justice.

Characterization: I think you captured Peter perfectly. A little weasel-like, a bit jumpy, but also intelligent and cunning. I always wonder how he ended up in Gryffindor, and this kind of explained it. He thought what he was doing was brave and the right decision. He was just very, very wrong. Young Percy was a little weird for me, but I could accept that. I think kids are terribly difficult to write for, so your interpretation isn't too hard for me to accept.

Descriptions: I didn't really get too many physical or sensory details about the people and places, but I don't know if I minded that. Yes, I think it could HELP to add things in about how things look, sound, smell, feel, etc., but the subtle things were really good too.

Emotions: Wow. Peter's guilt was really moving. I honestly started to feel bad for him. What people tend to forget about Peter is that he was once very good friends with the other Marauders and Lily. He was their confidant. He was one of them. And betraying them had to create some sort of horror in him, even if we don't like to accept that he wasn't completely evil--only Voldemort really is (and maybe Bellatrix). You definitely showed a complex character here and I liked that a lot.

Interactions: The only thing that was a little weird for me was the moment where Peter met the Weasleys. It was a bit hard to understand what they were doing in a random field, and why Percy wanted a gross, wild rat. If that were my kid, I would never have let him touch Peter. And when Peter decides to go with him, his reasoning wasn't quite sound for me. I think he came to all the right conclusions too quickly. It would have been more believable if he thought that he was gaining a safe-haven, and maybe they could provide him with useful information. But the thoughts of how old Ron was and when he'd go to Hogwarts, and how he "would obviously" be friends with Harry and then he would learn information--that was just too much for me. It just didn't feel realistic.

Despite that hiccup, overall, I think you did a really good job with this story. Good luck in the Duel!


Author's Response: Hi Emily! I'm really sorry about the length of time it's taken me to respond to this review; I assure you that I'll be keeping on top of reviews in the future!

I'm really pleased that you liked this story, since this wasn't my original idea for the Duel. I always felt that Peter betrayed James and Lily out of fear for their lives, and the war as a whole -- not because he was outrightly evil. As for the humanity, I think he didn't plan to fake his death, but after the confrontation with Sirius, he didn't have a choice so tried to keep going in the Muggle world before necessity forced him to become a rat. It's fabulous that you think I've done the story justice!

Thank you! It irks me when people write Peter as someone who tags along with the Marauders annoyingly or simply doesn't exist -- I know it's canon that the professors felt he was tagging along with them, but I truly don't think they would have added his name to the map or helped him become an Animagus or trusted him with being their Secret Keeper if he was just some helpless boy who latched onto them. I'm glad you felt this explained why he was in Gryffindor. Ah, Percy. By the time I'd gotten to the ending where the Weasleys were incorporated, I was rushing to complete the one-shot before the deadline, so I can understand the weirdness.

I felt that Peter wouldn't be very aware of what was around him, because he was too focused on his own guilt and his memories. Nothing seemed to matter anymore, because James and Lily were dead. I understand your critique though, and I'll definitely keep that in mind. :)

Woah, that's great to hear! I completely agree with you, and I'm really pleased that you felt I explored his complexity well. I understand what you mean about the interactions between Peter and the Weasleys -- as I've explained earlier, I was in a rush to complete the one-shot before the deadline (not to mention that the final section was written at something like 2am). The reason the Weasleys were in a field was so they'd have a better view of the fireworks, although Peter wouldn't have been aware of that, and I understand the critique you've pointed out. However, at present I'm reluctant to rewrite the ending because this did win and I feel like I'd be undermining that win by changing the plot, but if I change my mind I will most certainly be taking on board your comments.

Thank you so much for such a lovely review, Emily!

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Review #17, by TheHeirOfSlytherin You, Traitor

20th December 2013:
Hey, Isobel!

It's so cool to see something new from Peter - from things I've read over the years, the general impression is usually that Peter joins the Death Eaters because of coercion and fear. At least, that I see. But to wonder if he went and joined with a plan that backfired is, like, weird, but in a good way. It's another side to Peter, and I kind of like this side and I kind of don't - it shows him as a man who was a Marauder, who was brave and magically capable, then became twisted and wrong when he followed his 'master'.

"If they'd just allowed your master to kill Harry, everything would be okay." - This. It still gets to me. He was their friend and he's talking about killing their son and I'm like, what happened to you, Peter? Betraying them to stop war makes him sound noble and like he's doing it for the greater good, which continues my view that rather than merely fear, Peter's mind was twisted until it all became willing for him. It's awesome, and a little scary, to read, to see someone being able to change so much and become a person his friends wouldn't recognize.

I love it, it gives me a whole new opinion of Peter. :D

And then the Weasleys come - his new start. I've always wondered how he joined the family and became Percy's rat. I like your way for how it happened. And Peter, still loyal, hoping to get information for Voldemort. It makes me very sad to think that he'd do that to Harry.

This was so awesome, Isobel! Good luck in the Writer's Duel! :D


Author's Response: Hey, Sam! :D

I've always disagreed with that idea to some degree, I think :3 I see Peter as a clever wizard - he became an Animagus and framed Sirius for murder, after all - who was just a bit naive and unconfident and that's why he tagged along with James, Sirius and Remus - they were the people he knew, who he wasn't nervous of being around. And I agree with you; my Peter is likeable and yet deplorable at the same time. Everyone has flaws, though.

Re-reading that line again creeps me out, and yet it makes so much sense when you take the emotion out. It makes you think, really, /how/ many people died to protect Harry, directly or indirectly? :( And thank you! I wanted to show Peter as someone good who lost his way, instead of being bad from the beginning, and I'm glad you think it's awesome! ^.^

Hehehe. The Weasleys were why I chose Peter for this one-shot, because there's this missing moment in canon about how he became Scabbers and you know how I love filling in those missing moments :P

Thank you so much! ♥

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