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8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SeerFlame Cor Videt

29th January 2014:
Hello!

Ehm, this is my first time posting a review so I'm a bit awkward, sorry.

I wanted to let you know that I really like your fan fiction. I like the fact that you kept their personalities like in the books and movies (I can't seem to find a lot of fan fictions where they do keep their personality).

Your story really pulls me in and I find myself reading the first two chapters again, only to make sure I didn't miss anything :)

While reading this I tend to come up with all kind of different theories about Harry being blind and how much Draco actually knows, what and why he's hiding everything (some theories more ridiculous that others and probably none of them right).

I'm really, really curious to how this story as their relationships will evolve.

Thank you for sharing this great story, keep up the good work :)

Author's Response: When I read your review I literally squealed! It is an immense compliment that you read my story twice!!! I'm so glad I'm able to keep your interest. I promise that the 4th chapter should be up very soon, possibly on the weekend or early next week.

I'm really curious about your favourite parts or moments that you especially enjoyed reading. Thanks so much for reviewing!!!


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Review #2, by kenpo Shame

28th January 2014:
Hey, here for your requested review. Sorry it took so long!
I'm still not sold on Harry/Draco, but I'm giving it a shot! They've both been through a lot, which is shown really well.

I do feel bad for Draco, which isn't something that I usually do. It seems unfair that he's being blamed for everything (but I can see why).

Your choice to write in the present tense is interesting. Some times (like the last bit, with Draco and Greenberg), I think it works really well. There are other times that it seems a little bit forced, but that could just be because I'm used to reading and writing in the past tense.

Draco looks around the overcrowded room of both 7th and 8th years
I'm not sure if you've said somewhere else that they've expanded Hogwarts, but there's only seven years.

Hermione wanting to help Harry seems really in character for her, and I'm glad that you've included her in the story.

I'm starting to be able to see how the story will move and they'll end up together. I'm still not really sold on the idea, but I'm warming up to it a little.

My one big suggestion would be to watch the tenses. I think where it's awkward is when you refer to something that's already happened, jumping from past to present can make it a tad choppy.

Sorry the review took so long!

Author's Response: Thanks for your review! I agree about the tense that at times I feel I'm forcing it a little. I think with practice it should be a little smoother. But I really do prefer writing out the action/drama scenes in present tense. It just feels so exciting!

About the eight year students, there are some students who did attend for the seventh year, but in this story they had a chance to redo it again, as I'm sure getting tortured by Death Eaters doesn't bode well for learning.


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Review #3, by Lululuna Edge of the Woods

15th January 2014:
Hello, here from the review swap! :)

I thought this was a really interesting and well written first chapter! I haven't read many Drarry stories, but so far it seems like you've put them into an interesting situation which could believably lead to them growing closer while keeping both of them in character. Draco seems to have the approapriate amount of rudeness and I'm quite suspicious about him, especially after his little comment about the only person seeing the holes in the story being blinded by hate. I think there's definitely something more going on than meets the eye.

You wrote the action scene in the forest really well! :) It was very suspenseful and smooth, and really drew me in right away. I think the use of present tense helped with that as well. Something I did notice was that throughout the story there were quite a few breaks into past tense which was a little distracting, but a careful read-through could easily fix that. Tenses are something I struggle a lot with in my writing so I'm especially aware of picking them out in other people's stories! :)

Harry being blind is a really interesting plot twist, and quite creative. I'm looking forward to seeing how he adjusts to that and what will happen- it also made me smile how his first instinct was to talk to Hermione about it!

I thought Draco whimpering in his sleep and how defensive and angry he was set him up well to be a dynamic character and more vulnerable than he seems at first glance. The scene where Harry goes to his bed seemed to have a little promise of a future of attraction between them as well, hmm.

Minor thing: 'McGonnell' is usually spelt 'McGonagall.' :)

Overall, this was a really great beginning to your story, you write really well and I'm curious to see how the relationship between Harry and Draco and the unique plot will be developed further. Well done! :)

Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks for your review.

I'm glad Draco is coming across as rude and that you are suspicious of him. I'm trying to make him as nasty as he's in the books, but with an added dimension.

Your comments about the action scene really had me smiling like a goof at work today. I find them difficult to write, so the fact that you were engaged in them makes me very happy!

I'll be sure to look over my tense more diligently before posting.:)And thank you for letting me know about McGonagall!


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Review #4, by toomanycurls Edge of the Woods

15th January 2014:
Here for our swap! Sorry about the delay, I had a quick conference call to get on.

Is this after the war? Are there still DEs out and about (well, obviously there are, but why)? It's scary that there's still so much danger in the world after Voldemort is gone (if I'm thinking this is the right time in the timeline).

ooh, a spell that causes blindess. That's a bit rough.

I like the tension you have between the two of them. It's a great bit of awkwardness. I hope you talk more about why Draco was attacked. I mean, I can imagine why but I love elaborations.

eep, the spell can't be reversed. I think you have Harry's reaction to being blind is spot on. Draco calling Harry's friends a flock of sheep seems just what he'd see them as.

I love this line: All he knew was how to survive the cold and how to hide within it.
That fits Draco's life to a T.

Harry's relief at his friends leaving is quite intriguing to me. I can imagine he's quite tired (in general) and doesn't like to be the center of attention. His friends usually treat him as an equal/don't make a fuss about him being Mr. Special. Though I could see them being a bit annoying when he's hurt. I really like that you have him question his acting the hero. Why is he so eager to leave the Hospital Wing? I mean, he's been there plenty before.

I'm glad Harry asked Draco about the DE attack. Draco rebuffing the question fits him quite well. He's snarky and just a bit arrogant. I'm not sure I believe that Draco doesn't have a clue who the people were - but it makes sense that he wouldn't come right out and tell Harry.

You've done a great job with this chapter. I'm quite curious how you'll have Draco and Harry warm up to each other as friends and then lovers.

-Rose

Author's Response: Hi Rose! I have to say that it's such a nice compliment to see someone "quoting" something I've written. So thank you for that. :)

You asked some questions that I cannot answer at this time. But I can tell you that this is after the war or the final battle at Hogwarts. That I've managed to gab your curiosity makes me feel quite proud of myself! Not many people are interested in H/D.

Thanks again for your review.


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Review #5, by LightLeviosa5443 Edge of the Woods

12th January 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review! Sorry I'm so late with it!

This was a very interesting start to your story, I really liked how you had the whole fiasco on the train, and then the struggle in the forest. Poor Harry! He just wanted a normal year and now he's blinded! So was Malfoy one of the guys he was fighting off, and was Malfoy the one who cast the blinding charm on Harry?

I can't wait to see how you have their relationship develop! I found your portrayal of both Draco and Harry very believable and true to what JKR left us with! I really enjoyed Ron and Hermione as well, though I wish I had seen a bit more of Neville, Ginny and Luna, though I suppose they might show up a bit later.

It'll be interesting to see how you transition from Harry and Ginny to Harry and Draco, I can't wait to see where you go with this story. You did a very good job with characterization! Thanks for requesting!

xoxo LL

Author's Response: Your review made me smile! It give some the inspiration to put my next chapter up. (I've been having a hard time getting it validated, for one silly reason or the other.)

You have some very interesting questions that I can't answer right now, of course! I will be having some scenes with Neville and Luna, but they wont be main characters, at least not at the start. Thanks for your review! :D


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Review #6, by marauderfan Edge of the Woods

6th January 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review from the forums.

You've got a good start here, I like your characterisation of both Harry and Draco. It seems pretty consistent to how they were portrayed in the books so nice job on that - like Harry's protectiveness of Ginny (and likewise Ginny's insistence she doesn't need to be protected), and Draco's taunts and sarcasm at the end.

One thing I really liked was how, since Harry is unable to see for a large portion of the chapter, you draw the reader's attention towards description by the other senses - such as the feel of the curtain, the cold of the tile floor. I think it wouldn't hurt to add a bit more here as well - what he hears, smells, etc.

You asked about boring plot and slow pace and that is definitely not the case haha. This story starts out very strong, right in the middle of the action, and that's fantastic. I think it is a strong opening chapter!

In terms of flow I do think you could add a bit more about time in here, as right now I'm not sure when all of this happened. You say it took 20 minutes for Harry to leave the train and go into the forest, then I imagine he spent a good deal of time there and probably at least 20 minutes getting up to the castle (likely more, since the train got stopped before reaching the castle). Did the train not move in that hour? Why did the train take longer to get to Hogwarts than a blind person walking? Did Harry's friends still not catch up to him as Harry and Draco were walking back to the castle?

I don't mean to sound rude with these questions - they are just things I found myself wondering while reading. If you decide to clear up those possible issues regarding the amount of time, and remember what's happening in the background of the story, I think it will flow a lot better, and leave fewer plot holes. Hope that helps!

Otherwise, you've got a strong start! :) Nice work.

Author's Response: Hi! I'm so happy to hear that you liked my first chapter. I'm hoping my second will be available tonight. Regarding Harry's experiences on being blind, I go into more detail in the next chapter. Your points about the flow of the story are very helpful. I'm tempted to resubmit the chapter with a few edits actually. Just so you know, the train did not stop close to Hogwarts. It was actually quite far, that's why Draco and Harry had to apparate closer to Hogwarts.

You were not rude at all! I'll keep these pointers in mind:)Thanks so much for reviewing!


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Review #7, by kenpo Edge of the Woods

2nd January 2014:
Hey, I'm here with your requested review (sorry it took me so long, I got really into my own writing). To start off, I'm going to be honest... I don't like Draco/Harry, but I'm gonna give this a shot. In your request, you asked if it would capture my interest. Honestly, no, just because it isn't my thing. I'm writing this before reading it, so I very well might enjoy it. I'm just saying that browsing, I probably wouldn't click on it. I'm really not trying to be mean, it just isn't my thing.

Now to the review:

It seems very in-character for Harry to want Ginny to stay on the train, and in character for her to be mad at him for it.
Harry and Draco's relationship seems in character, which makes me think that there will be a natural progression to them getting together. You didn't just start out all of a sudden have them forget all the history they have.

I really like the way that you switch POV's. You seemed to portray Draco very well. I'm curious to see how these two will end up together...

As for criticism, I didn't see much to point out. Sometimes with your dialogue, you used a comma where there should be a period, or a period where there should be a comma. I'm not great at this, so if I were you, I'd check out the grammar guidelines on the forums. Also, Rumpelstiltskin wrote a great blog post about it.

This was a good first chapter. It left me with enough questions that I'm intrigued to read the next chapter. Good job.

Author's Response: HI there! Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story, especially when it isn't your cup of tea. The fact that you would not normally read the sort of fic makes me want to work that much harder to convert you! :D I admit that many H/D fics are pretty bad, mainly because the characters don't seem real, but I'm hoping I'll be able to pull it off.

I really appreciate your review! Look forward to any other comments from you:)


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Review #8, by loyal luna Edge of the Woods

21st December 2013:
Wow! This is a great start-you have me drawn in!

Author's Response: Thanks! The next Chapter should be up in Jan.

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