Reading Reviews for A Chance Encounter
  
12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ginnypotter242 Imperfections Included

10th July 2014:
Ooh, Mallory! I loved this story. Neville and Hannah are so sweet, and I have to be honest, I never thought of them getting together in the books. I like the way you characterized Hannah. She was such a sweet and innocent girl at Hogwarts, and I'm glad that you made her a little different. The war affected everyone, and it would be silly to think someone could maintain their innocence after fighting a war like that. The way you wrote Neville was great as well. I liked that you still made him clumsy, even though he did grow into his body and Gryffindor-ness. He never was one who would be comfortable in the spotlight, much like Harry, so good job for keeping that characterization alive.

Neville/Hannah is such an interesting ship, especially since Hannah is such a minor character. We never see much of her in the books, but I think you did her justice. The use of the quote was perfect as well- the quote itself is beautiful (and I love My Sister's Keeper, even though I cry at it every time). The story fit the quote in well, with Hannah rethinking her ideas on love. I really enjoyed reading this! Great writing (and I can't wait to read your JulNo novel!)

~Sara (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #2, by kenpo Imperfections Included

14th March 2014:
Hiya! Here for the BvB Battle!

This. Was. Adorable.

I loved it.

I loved you Hannah. I love how she was probably always snarky with her close friends, but after the war that dry humor turned into bitter cynicism.

I also really liked the references to the Golden Trio and how they're in the public eye and the media is always all over them. That's something that I imagine would be really difficult.

I also really loved the way you had Neville understand exactly what she had gone through, and he was able to ask her questions without really saying them. The relationship between people who had this common experience would be really intricate, and it's good that Neville and Hannah ended up together because I'm sure they can help each other through some lingering issues that they have.

It was sweet and good characterisation of Neville that he remembered that Hannah's mom was killed. It shows how thoughtful he is.

The way that Hannah viewed Neville was fantastic. Why was he in Gryffindor?! I think all of us asked that question at some point. He admiration for him shows how much he stepped up into his role as leader during DH.

I loved the back and forth between them. The dialogue and the way Hannah reacted to him (there was that line about how he looked confused, like he did throughout most of school) was brilliant. You did a fantastic job developing two different characters in a really short amount of time.

This was such a pleasure to read!!

Author's Response: Hi! Here I am, several months late, to answer your lovely review!

Thank you so much!! I'm not very good at "adorable," so I'm glad you thought it was!!

Hannah is bitter and snarky, yes. It was really fun to write her like that. Even though she doesn't get all the fame that the Golden Trio does, she still went through the Battle and lost loved ones like they did. Fame or no fame, war tears things apart.

Yes!! Neville understands where she's coming from, and that's why I imagine them slowly becoming friends and then falling in lurve... Because they just GET each other. He's a super-sweet, super-thoughtful guy. Hannah is the main reason why I no longer really ship Neville/Luna--because that's a great ship, but Hannah/Neville is just. So. RIGHT. :)

Yeah, time changes people, but some things never change. Neville will always be slightly confused, and underneath her crusty, bitter shell, Hannah will always be the little girl with pigtails who thought Sirius Black could turn himself into a shrub. :D

Thanks so much for your review!!!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #3, by SkyEcho Imperfections Included

30th January 2014:
Hi Unluckystar57!
Wow - I absolutely loved this! I have a huge soft spot for Neville - so when I saw that you had a Neville / Hannah story, I just had to read it. I enjoyed your portrayals of Neville and Hannah. Both are so real. Neville's characterization is spot on and Hannah's reflections of how the war changed her are so sad, yet incredibly understandable.
The only part that gave me a slight pause was when Hannah thinks about Neville before seeing him. If she had seen him first, or saw something that reminded her of him, it would help that part seem less random. Though with that being said, there is something romantic and fated about randomly thinking about him and then having him walk in... Perhaps adding Hannah's internal surprise at thinking of him at all (especially since he was "hardly a blip on her radar" when they were at school )?
Neville is so sweet. I couldn't stop smiling at his line, "You shine brighter than you know, Hannah." :) And I'm so happy that we got to see Hannah soften towards him. I know this is a one-shot, but you've definitely left me wanting more!
Thank you for doing the review swap with me - I am so happy that I found this story :)

All the best,
SkyEcho

Author's Response: Hi SkyEcho!!

I'm sorry that it took so many ages for me to respond to this lovely review, but I'm here now. :) Thanks so much for the swap!

I was actually a Neville/Luna shipper until I discovered fanfiction, and then writing Neville/Hannah became a sort of ambition of mine. I wanted to see what they would be like together. I'm so glad you thought that they seemed realistic!

Yeah, that part of the story is a bit iffy, and I can see the contradiction!! I might extend this story later on, and I'll definitely give that some thought. I think that there could be a newspaper headline about him or something--that would tie things in better! Thanks for the suggestion!

Awww, I love Neville. He's adorable, and his relationship with Hannah is beautiful, even though in this one-shot, it's only just begun. I actually kind of want more of this story myself! I might turn it into a short story or novella when I find the time. :)

Thanks for the awesome review!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #4, by LightLeviosa5443 Imperfections Included

12th January 2014:
Hi! Here for the BvB review battle!

So I was sifting through your stories, and this one jumped out at me because I don't think I've ever seen a Neville/Hannah story, and this one was from her perspective. I was really excited to read it and I'm so glad you did.

I'm actually really upset it's only a one-shot, because I reached the end and found myself wanting to read more. How did their relationship continue on from there? I really love how you portrayed Hannah, and how your really emphasized how she felt about not being one of the more noticed ones. Ever. I also think that your characterization of Neville was spot on.

I loved the part where Neville tripped getting up to the bar. And then when she got all angry that he didn't recognize her? It was just all so perfect and you did such a good job and I just loved this story!

It was fantastic. You'd never be able to tell that you took a break from writing fan fiction.

xoxo LL

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad that this story jumped out at you because of the Hannah/Neville ship! I'm sure that there are some of those around the archives, but they definitely don't appear as often as Neville/Luna. I'm really happy that I wrote this story, too. It caused me to really fall in love with the ship. :)

I'm sorry that you're upset!! I know that I probably should have planned out a short story instead of a one-shot in the first place, because it DOES seem incomplete as a one-shot. Never fear! One day I will revisit this and see what I can come up with. Funnily enough, a lot of people have said things like, "I can't wait to read what happens next!" or something like that, so I guess I should take that as a sign for me to continue this story. ;)

I'm so glad that you liked Hannah and Neville! Spot on? You're really too kind! The part where Neville trips was one of my favorite parts to write, so it's great to know that you loved reading it. I wanted to show that he's still just a clumsy kid on the inside (and outside).

Thank you so, so much. This review is just too kind. :D

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #5, by writeyourheartout Imperfections Included

8th January 2014:
Hi, hi! Here for Day 12 of the 12 Days of Reviewing challenge! Can you believe it's finally over?! You're my last review I'm giving out for the challenge and I'm so happy to be handing it out to this story!

(First, though, please allow me to apologize before hand for any rambling or nonsensical sentences - it's quite late and I'm a little sleepy, but needed to review you! hehehe)

This was really very good; a wonderful portrayal of how completely a person can be affected by the trauma of war and how deeply it can change them. On the other hand, it's also an excellent example of how some people seem able to handle these situations with ease and are actually able to hold onto the person they've always been on a fundamental level, despite the fact that things around them have changed so drastically. It's two very different reactions to the same experience that we see reflected in both your versions of Hannah and Neville.

Speaking of them...

I love your version of Hannah. She's so real and so very relatable. I think that any person who has ever struggled in the path of their lives or felt less than memorable or was stuck in a job that constantly reminded them of their failure to have succeeded by now or who has simply lost hope can relate to Hannah. I know that I went through some really traumatic stuff a few years ago myself and that I've been on what feels like the very same path that Hannah has been on. I can relate to her situation with such ease, and that's a reflection of how deeply you understood her character and the effects such trauma can have on a person. In the books, before the war, she was this lovely, kind, somewhat shy Hufflepuff who was happy and sweet, but after the war she's lost so much of that warmth she once had and is instead bitter and angry and stuck and hopeless and ah! I have been exactly where she is, and still am some days. I just want to shake her and tell her not to give up and that everything will be okay someday! It's a true testament to your writing that I feel so passionately about her. :)

Neville is just such a sweety-pie! And he is so exactly what she needs; a truly good and hopeful guy with a heart of gold. I love how level-headed he's remained after his rise to fame and how sweet he is to Hannah - especially before he even recognizes who she is. As someone who once worked as a waitress, I can tell you that that sort of treatment is not always easy to come by. I thought he was quite in character and really loved how you worked a lot of Herbology and rare plant references in along side is ever-present clumsiness. He's just as lovable as ever here!

The opening paragraph was actually one of my favorites of the entire story. It started off with a poignant opening line only to end in one that really hit me hard: "The marriages of the great war heroes were all over the papers and it seemed like love was being waved in her face, as if to say, "See what you could've had if you'd been someone great!"" - Wow, what a striking moment.

"The statement was a promise, not just a token of courtesy." - I loved this one here, too. It's just such a beautifully written line that perfectly reflects Neville's kind and selfless nature.

My only real criticism came right at the close: I thought the ending felt just a bit rushed, is all. It was really only this line that felt a bit out of place: " It was enough to make her believe in love again, or at least the distant possibility of it." It struck me as odd simply because throughout the entire story that precedes this moment, we don't really see Hannah undergo any sort of thought process in which she experiences even the beginning stages of a newly-forming crush, let alone enough of an emotional shift to warrant the word 'love'. I think if you either incorporated developing feelings throughout the story or changed that last line to maybe something simply about hope rather than reigniting her belief in true love, that it would fit much better! Does that make sense? It's a little late, I might be rambling nonsense at you, in which case I apologize! :-p

Also, I just wanted to point out that your story information says that this is both a one-shot and a work in progress, so I assume one of those is not in fact correct, as they seem to cancel each other out. ;-)

Overall, this was thoroughly enjoyable! I'm so glad I got the chance to read it! It's a really perfect blend of angst and fluff, and it felt very real and relatable which I appreciated greatly! Really well done! *hugs*

Author's Response: Hihihi!! I'm sorry that I've taken AGES to respond to this lovely, lovely review! I'll try to make up for it with a thoughtful response (if I can stop squeeing, that is!).

Aggh, any review is a good review, and I'd like to thank you a million times for staying up to write such a great one. Seriously, it made my night when I saw it! :)

Aw, thank you so, so much! I'm so glad that you liked Hannah and that you thought she was portrayed in a realistic manner! Of course, I'm not at all happy that you can relate to her--I'm sorry that you had a bad time in your life. :( But bad things, though we don't know why they happen, sometimes make us stronger people. I think that the war made Hannah a stronger person, even though she lost her mother, because it taught her that life goes on. She still misses her mother, though, and that's why she's a bit cynical, which is super sad.

Neville Longbottom was never really on my radar when I read the Harry Potter books for the first time (many years ago, hahaha). I was fascinated by the Trio and I think I had a huge crush on Harry at one point... But I recently reread the books as a sort of marathon reading session, and because I had started this story prior to my marathon, I paid a lot more attention to Neville. I saw that he wasn't lame in the first six books and then suddenly SUPERCOOL in DH. He was always doing things for other people and looking out for the Trio. He's brave, no question about that, but instead of being a loud, in-the-spotlight character, he prefers to do good stuff in the background. He's always been a sweetheart. ;) I think that he would never be mean to a waitress. The restaurants of the world need more Neville Longbottoms as customers. :D

Aw, striking?!?! You're so, so sweet. I didn't mean for that line to be especially powerful, but I was really trying to convey the bitterness and loneliness that Hannah felt. It makes me SO happy to hear that it had an impact. :)

Yeah... That line is sort of out of place. The story was for a Love Quote challenge, and towards the end I felt like I should put some "romance-y stuff" in to sort of justify the quote. It was probably a little too quick--I totally agree with you!! I will definitely take your suggestions when I go back and edit this!

The reason that the one-shot isn't marked "Completed" is because I felt like it wasn't very complete when I posted it. I needed to post it to meet the deadline for the challenge, but I wanted to come back to it and work on it some more to polish it up. Actually, I might turn it into a short story or novel if I find the time! :)

Thank you so, so, so much for your marvelous review. It made me smile so much. :D

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #6, by MissesWeasley123 Imperfections Included

7th January 2014:
Whoa! This was great. I'm also here for day 12 of the 12 Days of Reviewing! I'm so happy it's almost over but rather sad that all my reviewing needs to take place on my phone which means thumbs that are aching. BUT IT'S OKAY BECAUSE THIS WAS CUTE AND IT TOTALLY WORTH IT.

I personally love the idea of Neville Longbottom and Hannah Abbott getting together because he's been in so much pain and so has she been with her family getting killed. I think it makes sense because they are so similar.

Your descriptions were great so was the emotion portrayed in the story. Hannah is such a bright character and she is so wise. I loved her a lot. Her relationship with Neville is so cute and sweet, it's quite frankly adorable. You do such a good job with their pairing, I'm glad that Luna wasn't the girl Neville ended up with, but Hannah was.

Neville was great too and was clumsy and he was really adorable. His interactions with Hannah were so real and lovely. Brilliant work! I could totally imagine him acting that way.

I love it as well it really worked great with your story and you did a good job justifying it. Excellent work!

You wrote this excellently!

Author's Response: Hi! Yeah, the Twelve Days were tough, but I had a lot of fun with them. I'm sorry that your thumbs were aching because of Day Twelve, but I'm incredibly glad to know that you thought my story was worth it. :)

Neville and Hannah make so much sense to me because they've been through so many bad things and they're just the kind of quiet-ish people that would be adorable together. You're definitely right--they have a lot in common in the pain/sadness area.

Aww, I'm glad that you thought my descriptions were great! Hannah in the books is a silly schoolgirl, but I definitely believe that the war changed her a lot. Oh, Neville. I lurve Neville. Just... He's adorable in the books, and my head canon Neville is my favorite thing ever. I used to ship Neville/Luna, but NOT ANYMORE BECAUSE HANNAH/NEVILLE FOREVER! Okay... No more caps lock...

Thank you so much for your lovely, lovely review!! Also, congratulations on winning the Twelve Days of Reviewing! That was quite a feat! :D

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #7, by patronus_charm Imperfections Included

7th January 2014:
Hey! Here for the 12 days of reviewing!

Ah, this was so cute and perfect and I was just gushing throughout the whole thing because yeah. Iíve always been a fan of Neville post-Hogwarts because people treat the way he handled fame really differently from one another so it was really fun to see your own interpretation of him because it made me chuckle a lot.

I loved Hannah. She was so down to earth and the exact sort of person that Neville needs and not some horrible person whoís only after his fame. I liked how you wrote her silent way that she dealt with the war because even though she suffered a lot of hardships, it was almost that she didnít want to burden others with them and kept them to herself and that seemed to be a very Hufflepuff trait.

I loved her surprise when she saw that Neville actually wanted to be interested her even though he was some big old star given that he was an auror, travelled and saved the wizarding population by killing Nagini. It was so cute and they seemed so sincere with one another because of that. Gah, the whole thing was so cute though and youíre really making me ship these two!

Such a great start!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello!! Thanks for your review!

Oh, gush away!! I'm so glad that I made you chuckle with my interpretation of Neville. He's a cutie, that's for sure, and I wanted him to be just as wonderfully awkward as he was at Hogwarts. :)

Hannah is one of my favorite characters that I've written so far. In my mind, the war really changed her--she lost her mom, and then she came back to Hogwarts and helped the DA in their efforts. I'd like to think that she went from being a silly schoolgirl to a more realistic thinker. Oh, the not wanting to burden others thing? It wasn't my intention to write her that way because she was in Hufflepuff, but I'm glad you pointed it out! Sometimes I write intelligent things by accident. :D

Neville's always been a nice guy, and Hannah's never gotten the attention that she deserves. They really complete each other, because Neville is definitely the type to stay off the pedestal of fame and just be a regular guy. I'm happy that I'm making you ship them! Before I discovered HPFF, I shipped Neville/Luna, but throughout my time on the site and the writing of this story, I've become a hardcore Hannah/Neville shipper. They just make sense to me. :)

Thanks so much! This is actually all that I had planned to write for this story, but it's been pointed out to me several times that it doesn't seem finished. One day I'll write some more of it, definitely!

Thank you for your lovely review!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #8, by ReeBee Imperfections Included

1st January 2014:
Hi there! RAVENCLAW REVIEW BATTLE!! Whoo!

Great job with this! I really really liked this! So here are my comments!

Characterisation: spot on! Amazing! I quite liked Hannah. Even though it was hard to imagine Hannah as bitter as she was, it was believable that she'd changed during the war :) but, I do think that the fact that she was bitter due to their fame was a bit out of character. But, Neville was perfect! Ah! He was just perfect! His personality! Ah! That's all I can say!

Description: really well done! I can't think of any of the top of my head, but, the softness of the description was totally amazingly suited to the story! :D there wasn't much you could improve with description :)

Grammar/Syntax: nothing! Amazing! I picked up on no typos and/or grammar errors! And most of all, I picked up on no missing commas! They're my pet peeves when not used properly (I may be hypocritical!)

Plot/Flow: Really well handled! The description was perfectly used to control plot flow! And the description was used in perfect amounts! The only CC I have is more description at the end? The bit with Hannah's thoughts about Neville? The last paragraph? Taft could have used a bit more description to even it out when compared to the other parts of the story :)

I really enjoyed this! Congrats! Amazing!! :D fantabulous work! I love your writing style! Absolutely gorgeous! :D

-ReeBee

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for your ever-so-enthusiastic review!! :D

Spot on? Really?! You're too kind! Yeah, Hannah is quite bitter, but I do think that losing her mother would have had an adverse effect on her. I'm definitely going to revisit this story and see if I can fix characterization so that it can be totally awesome the whole time. Thanks for the suggestion about the fame thing! I WILL keep that in mind!

Neville=love. Aaahhh right back at you! :D

Awww, thanks thanks thanks!! Oh yes, bad grammar is my biggest pet peeve. It hurts my eyes, so I try to make my stories as grammatically correct as possible. :)

I'm so happy that you thought the plot flow was good! I totally agree with your suggestion--towards the end of this story, I got antsy because I had to get it into the queue, so I didn't do it justice, I'm afraid. It will be fixed!

Thanks again for being awesome and reviewing my story! :D

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #9, by MrsKatieGrint Imperfections Included

1st January 2014:
Hey there! KatieRoo here from the forums with your challenge review!(:

Oh wow. So all the other Hannah/Neville fics I've read are very happy upbeat, but I absolutely loved how kinda dark this story was. You know, we really don't know too much about Hannah, but I loved the way you characterized her. I think it was very realistic on the attitude of someone coming out of a major war like that.

I also just adore what you did with Neville. He was always the awkward school boy in the novels, but just completely emerged as someone else in the last novel. I just loved that you kept him that klutzy stammering guy, because really, who just transforms overnight? And, even though like you mentioned Neville was dealing with his new found fame, I'm glad you kept him a humble guy.(:

Gosh, I just thought this was seriously wonderful. The quote tied in perfectly, and I thought your plot line was super great too. Man, I would love to read on more of their love story, you did a great job with them!(:

Thank you so much for participating in my challenge, good luck to you! And many cheers for the new year!
Katie!(:

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for the lovely review! I'm sorry that I've been terrible and I haven't responded promptly, but here I am now! :)

Yeah, even though I'm not a dark person at all, I have a tendency to write darker fanfiction. Thank you so much! I'm glad that you liked the way I characterized Hannah. Because she is a canon character, I wanted to make sure that I got the basics correct, but after that, I tried to imagine what she would be like after the war. I am incredibly pleased that you thought her characterization was accurate!! :)

Yes, Neville is one of my loves from the series. I recently reread the books, and because I wrote this fic, all of his moments kept jumping out at me. (So I have you to thank, really!) He's just so awkward!Neville and clumsy!Neville, and I didn't think that one snake would change that very much. I truly hope that he would stay at least somewhat the same in his adulthood.

Thankyouthankyouthankyou!! Funny, I've actually gotten the comment from several people that they "can't wait for the next chapter" or "would like to see what happens next." Well, that's got the wheels in my mind turning, and I think that I might turn it into something a bit more substantial one day. After all, love can't happen in just a tiny one-shot (well, for me it can't). So maybe? :)

Thanks for challenging me! I had TONS of fun with this piece because I've never ever written a canon couple before. Good luck judging all of the great entries that people submitted for your challenge! :D

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #10, by Aphoride Imperfections Included

1st January 2014:
Hey there! :) I'm always glad when I get to drop by to your page, given all the wonderful and lovely reviews you leave me. It only seems right that I try to do the same for you ;)

I've always loved the idea of Neville marrying Hannah Abbott, you know. I liked the idea that he married someone we didn't know so much about, since it's more realistic than the Ginny, Harry, Luna et al all pairing off with each other. Particularly because we don't know all that much about Hannah in the first place, just little things mentioned in canon, so you can develop her almost as you want.

I love your Hannah. She's such a realistic portrayal of someone after a war, who's had a hard time and who regrets the choices she's made in the wake of it. People do that - they're all such human emotions, and I love that you brought it up. I like how you also contrasted her behaviour after the war to before the war, as well, with her feeling bitter being unusual for her, and her having grown up but still being essentially the same person. It's really great depth and I love it.

Neville! I adore Neville. He's awesome. So yeah, your Neville is brilliant. I think it's easy to forget after DH that he's still clumsy, he might still stutter and be scared and nervous and not wholly sure of standing up to people he respects, you know? You characterised him so perfectly... gah, he was just /Neville/. Almost as if JKR had written him. I loved when he knocked over the chair and kept apologising for being clumsy. It was so sweet.

I liked the little touches and mentions of the war and its effects, with loads of new shops springing up, and them both taking a year out to deal with what had happened and what they'd done and others had done, and how people had nightmares and couldn't cope and things. It's something people don't always deal with really, in ff, but you handled it so well, and wove it in so easily that it didn't take away from the romance and the meeting and the characters at all.

I've never read /My Sister's Keeper/ and don't really read romance books at all, so I'd never heard of the quote, but I liked how you used it almost to summarise the chapter. It could summarise the meeting and their relationship and it really just fits this so well. It's quite an open-ended quote - it seems really difficult to me - so I think you've done really well with it.

Your writing is lovely, as well. It flows so nicely and nothing drags... gah, it's just lovely :) Really nice. I really must remember to read more of your stuff... ;)

Anyway, I loved this! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi! Wow, have I really taken this long to respond to your fabulous review? Shame on me!

Yes, I too was once a Neville/Luna shipper, but when I sat down and thought about it, it just didn't make any sense. They are two completely opposite people, and I'm not sure that Neville would ever be able to comprehend a single word Luna said, in the event that they got married. And yes, I took liberties with Hannah's characterization that I'm sure won't match up to canon (but she's a bit unknown, so I think it's okay).

Thank you!! I tend to write female protagonists who are a bit jaded with the whole dating/love/marriage scene, just because I guess I never really went for the whole "ditzy OC" trope. In Hannah's case, I thought that losing her mom and working with the DA in her seventh year would have brought her down from her silly schoolgirl phase pretty quickly. She's still got some of that underneath the bitterness, though.

I never actually thought about Neville very much when I first read the books, but I reread them recently, and I found that Neville was all I could pay attention to sometimes. He's sort of the awkward-ugly-duckling Gryffindor, in the sense that he isn't very good at magic and he's clumsy and gets picked on a lot. But then he came out of nowhere with this amazing feat of bravery and mad skillzzz when he killed Nagini. I believe that he had the power to do that all along, but old habits die hard. To me, he's still awkward!Neville, and he didn't take ballet classes after the war. He's still got two left feet, and that's part of what makes him lovable. I'm so very glad that you thought I portrayed him accurately--almost like JKR?! Wow, that's REALLY super mega nice of you.

This story was my challenge to myself: I wanted to see if I could write a post-war story without making things seem like they were just fine overnight. After all, there must have been rebuilding in the Wizarding World that went on. (Hogwarts especially.) I'd like to think that Diagon Alley started adding lots of new stuff--people need to be cheered up, and renovation/repair is a good way to stimulate business and people's moods. I'd like to think that they cleaned up Knockturn Alley, too, but maybe that's asking too much. :) Those who fought in the Battle of Hogwarts are never, ever going to be able to go back to what they were before. They're going to battle PTSD, wake up screaming with nightmares, and struggle with depression. Hannah and Neville, meeting up again for the first time in five years, are broken people. And though they'll never truly be whole again, they will help each other get through life--first as acquaintances, later as friends, and then lovers/spouses. :)

I've never read "My Sister's Keeper," either, so when I wrote this story, I wasn't sure how the original quote fit into the book. I'm definitely going to read the book for comparison's sake (when I find the time). I am also considering turning this into a short story or novella, because the quote leaves a door open for possibilities to explore!

Thank you so, so, SO much for this review. You're an absolutely amazing writer (I should know, I've read your work!), so seeing that you think my writing is lovely just makes me really, really happy. If you ever do read more of my writing, I hope that it doesn't disappoint you! :)

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #11, by smitlikesllamas Imperfections Included

19th December 2013:
Hey! Sorry about the wait for this review. It's finals week at school.

Anyway, I quite liked this. I don't ship Hannah/Neville, but this was a nice start to a story. I like how Hannah wasn't trying to hide her feelings of grief and insecurity. I read a lot of post-war fics where the characters are like "oh it's two days later and I'm fine with everything that happened it's all good let's go to a party" so this was a nice change. This is something that could happen in real life. It's realistic, unlike some other fics.

I also like that you didn't make Neville into some shining superstar like everyone wants him to be. I mean, I want him to be too, but I know that he wouldn't be as cool as he is if he were. If that weird sentence made sense lol. But seriously, he would still by shy and clumsy and awkward, I think, and you did a good job of capturing that, in my opinion.

You said you wanted to make it more romantic. I don't really think there's much room for romance in this chapter. I feel like if Neville had walked into the pub and Hannah had immediately fallen in love, I would have just clicked away from this story. That's so stereotypical and boring, and that never would have happened, especially considering how cynical she had become.

You were right about the awkward dialogue. I mean, Neville said "forgive me" like three times. Try to just relax when you're writing. It just feels like you were over thinking the dialogue and I think that that's where your problem lies. Maybe that will help, maybe not. I hope it does though. :)

Anyway, I think you should stick with this. I can see it becoming something great. I hope it becomes great.

Thanks for requesting, and please request the next chapter when it comes out. :)

~Smit

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for responding to my request! I can totally sympathize with the finals week dilemma--they're a pain, aren't they? :)

I didn't ship Hannah/Neville until I found out that they actually get married later in life. Now the ship makes a lot of sense to me--if he were with Luna, I think he would get confused a lot. But that's just my personal preference. :P

I've read a lot of those happy-clappy post-war fics, too, and so I wanted to write something that wasn't like that. I definitely think that there would be a lot of grief to deal with, and Hannah and Neville certainly had more than their fair share of it (everybody did, actually).

Neville was never destined to be a superstar, I think. It's not something that he would want--I believe that he'd rather help people without being illuminated by a spotlight. It's a mark of his humility that he's the quiet, shy guy he always was--the war didn't change that about him. I'm so glad that you thought I captured that!

Yeah, there really isn't much room for romance. I just felt like the chapter was lacking in the "lurve" department--after all, it was written for the Love Quote Challenge. But no, I agree. I would never read all the way through a story that had people who haven't seen each other in a while just throwing out sweeping romantic gestures everywhere. That's a cheap trick, and it totally wouldn't have made sense for Hannah to be swept away--you're right about that!

Hmmm, I don't remember Neville saying "Forgive me" three times. By my reckoning, he only said it twice. Still, I probably do need to go back and take a look at that. Dialogue makes me nervous because it's so incredibly difficult to capture the way that people ACTUALLY talk... It's something that I struggle with. So I shall check it over and see what I can fix!

Thanks for your review! It was not my intention for this story to have any more chapters--I was going for a one-shot. However, I can see how this chapter could lead to other chapters. Perhaps one day I'll write another chapter, and I'll have you to thank for giving me the suggestion! So if another chapter appears, be ready to see your name in my author's note. ;)

Happy New Year!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #12, by MidnightBlue_x Imperfections Included

18th December 2013:
Hi, this is ElysiumJayne from over at the forums, and I'm here to fulfil your request!

I think one of the best things about Hannah Abbott is that there really isn't much known about her except for her house and that she ends up with Neville. She's basically a blank canvas. Because of that, I don't think you need to worry about her characterisation- you've written her here really well in my opinion. I think the fact that she's sort of scared to get involved after everything she went through is incredibly realistic.

As for Neville, I think you did really well with him as well. I like that you haven't written him as this big war hero but rather as the old Neville, with a little bit more confidence maybe. I like how you mentioned the part of about him not really being Auror material- I thought that admittance was very Neville.

You said you thought you were terrible lovey dovey scences? I'm not sure that I agree with that. I think that you built up the bit of romance/friendship between Hannah and Neville nicely. It didn't feel it was forced, it just flowed really nice and it was realistic! I don't think you're nearly as bad as you seem to think you are!

As for the quote, I know how difficult they can be to fit into stories, but I like how you wrote it in. Having it at the end really highlights the quote. I definitely thought that you fit it in with the themes of the story- again, it didn't seem forced to me.

I hope this review helped you in some way, and I wish you luck with the challenge! I wish you a very merry Christmas and a lovely New Year too!

x Ely

Author's Response: Thank you for responding to my request so quickly! I'm sorry that it's taken a little while for me to respond to your review.

I always get a bit antsy when I get too close to talking about canon characters, so I was really worried about Hannah's characterization, but I see your point! She's mentioned here and there in the books, but she isn't really explored in depth. I'm so glad that you think I've portrayed her realistically!

Yeah, I'm a big fan of old Neville (although Matthew Lewis is absolutely perfect...). He may have destroyed a Horcrux, but at the end of it all, he's still a bit clumsy, a tad clueless, and a truly nice guy. He just isn't the Auror type, and I think that he knows that.

Awww, you're sweet! I always feel like I don't write romance as well as some of the really fabulous authors on HPFF do--when I write it, it seems a bit forced. But I'm glad that you thought it was okay. We are our own worst critics, after all! I guess I'll just have to write more romantic scenes for practice. ;)

Ah, yes. The quote! I had hoped that it didn't seem too much like an afterthought, and I'm glad that to you, it doesn't seem that way.

Your review definitely helped me A LOT. Thank you so much for all of your praise and opinions! Happy New Year!!

~UnluckyStar57


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