Reading Reviews for An Unlikely Quartet
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by randomwriter Knockturn Alley

24th May 2014:
Hey Lo :) I'm back for chapter 2! This review will be shorter, I'm afraid for I'm expecting a call and I don't want this thing to sign me out before I finish my review!

I really enjoyed this chapter. I found that the previous chapter was heavier, when compared to this. There were a lot of details and many new characters were being introduced at once, so there was quite a bit of information to remember. This was lighter and easier to follow without having to think back to what I'd read. I also didn't have to go back to check the thoughts and characterisation anywhere.

I also felt that this flowed better. You definitely do have a gift for writing dialogue. The exchanges are always interesting, never too drawn out. There's no dialogue where you feel like they're just making small talk because I really believe that every bit of what was said added to the story, either in terms of plot, characterisation or the general feel of things.

I really liked reading about the relationship Rowena shares with all these people. Seeing Godric there, assigned to protect her was indeed surprising, especially as he seemed to have gotten there without too much of a complaint. They also got a along better, which was surprising as well, though we know that from Rowena's side the sweetness was put on so that he'd leave her alone. Still, it was nice reading about their interaction and I have an inkling that their paths may cross on a more personal level in the future, if you know what I mean ;)

Also, Robert Knockturn?! :O WHO IS THIS MAN AND WHAT IS THEIR RELATION? I must know. It was quite shocking, but he seems like a nice man. Not entirely as dark or harsh as his name might suggest. In fact every character here was likable and well written.

I really cannot stress on how much I loved your dialogue. The speech pattern certainly complemented it really, really well. I think you managed to convey a lot through these dialogues. There were some very subtle points hidden in there. Really, well done.

I love, love, LOVE the description (and speech patter as I said). It really suits the tone and style of this story and I think you've done a great job in not only settling the scene but also in carrying it forward. I'd really love o hear more about how Hogwarts was founded, what happens to the four in the process, who these Knockturns really are, who is Robert's father AND WHY DID BENNETT GRAB HER LIKE THAT! Okay, I have too many questions clearly :p I'm sorry to mention that I was deeply disappointed when I saw that this was marked abandoned. And now, after reading two chapters, I can tell you that updating this won't hurt. It's a good story. You're settling it up really well :) I'm sorry again for the length, but I'm expecting a call, as I said.

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Review #2, by randomwriter Eavesdropping

24th May 2014:
Hi Lo :) I'm here for our Gryffindor review exchange. I'm sorry I'm quite late.

I don't read much founders stories, to be honest. So it not an era I have much experience with. I have however read a few good ones. I honestly believe that this is one of the most promising eras to write in. At the same time, it is also one of the most difficult. I applaud you for trying your hand at this.

I love the setting of this story. It seemed very apt considering the era and the subplot here. I love how you described the scene and all those people discussing this matter in such a dignified and stately manner. It made the story more realistic because I'm certain that this is how matters were discussed back then.

Another thing I absolutely loved was the speech pattern. You haven't really used old English, per se, but the manner in which they speak and carry their thoughts forward seems very kingly and representative of that era. I think this adds to the authenticity that you've already created with the settling and introduction.

I liked reading about the meeting from Rowena's point of view. It serves to establish her character well and gives us a greater insight into her thoughts and ideas. I like how she thinks lowly of Lord Bennett. It shows us how she judges other people, and tells us about her ideas regarding things like morality.

Adding to that, I love how you established each of the characters. You made their relationships with each other quite clear and you showed us how their status in society is reflected through the way they act and interact with each other.

I really enjoyed the flow of her thoughts. I almost laughed a little at the thought of someone as high up in the hierarchy as Rowena rolling her eyes at Lord Bennett and the thought of her being admonished by her mother for her conduct only made it more amusing. I think it also threw some light on how much influence and control her mother had over her. It also suggested that perhaps Rowena is quite young at this stage? I'm not sure, but it's what I assumed because of all of this.

The characterisation was interesting to say the least :p Let me be honest, and tell you that this is not how I pictured them. But your take on them was really interesting and it made me think of how it may have been this way. It some shed perspective on how else they can be perceived. I think (correct me if I'm wrong) that JKR mentioned that Gryffindor was of royal descent, and that he was good friends with Slytherin, not his soldier. I could be wrong though. This was really interesting and I'd love to see how the dynamic between them plays out. I loved Rowena's characterisation. I think you wrote her rather smartly, making sure that her intelligence shines through in a subtle way. I did believe her to be more forceful and involved, but again, that is how I looked always looked at it, and this characterisation put an interesting spin on things. I also loved Helga's characterisation. U think that it somehow reflects how meek and kind she is, without making her seem like someone who can't stand up for themselves. It's nice to see that she does express her opinion and voice her thoughts out loud rather than just going with whatever anyone tells her. So, good job on that too :) Salazar too was interesting (using this word too much :p) read about, but his characterisation seemed a little inconsistent with canon.But HELGA AND SALAZAR=MINDBLOWN!

As for CC, as I said. There were places where I absolutely loved the characterisation, but for some reason, Slytherin and Gryffindor seemed a little off. Not because of the status, hierarchy or the nature of the relationship they share, but because of how you've portrayed their thoughts and ideas broadly. I felt like they didn't embody the qualities that they are to be defined by. Slytherin could be a little more ambitious, more one-track min driven and Gryffindor could be more chivalrous and gallant. Him being rude to Rowena, especially in those times, didn't seem right. He perhaps wouldn't have insulted a lady.

Another point I noticed was that there were instances where you seemed to have used the wrong word and substituted it for a word that had a similar (but not the same) meaning. There were also a couple of typos (eg: less for lest etc) Just three of four such instances. You should be able to fix it quite easily :) Also, there were some areas where the wording was confusing because the tenses didn't add up, or the sentence wasn't structured convincingly.

Finally, the quote and what came after that didn't seem to fit too well. Her logic didn't make much sense, and because Ravenclaw is insanely intelligent, you could perhaps put that differently and tweak the logic a little so that it becomes infallible. Also, she seemed to buy into the idea rather easily. There wasn't much thought or consideration there. Maybe you can write a bit about her thinking or mulling over the idea? It would seem more believable because in the beginning her ideas about wizard schooling seem to be a little different. Also, Slytherin telling her about this plan so openly was also a little surprising. Maybe you could write about him considering it, discussing it with Helga and Godric before actually telling her? Or perhaps he could make her vow not to breathe a word of it to anyone else? Also, Slytherin himself is against muggles and to a great extent, muggle borns. So maybe you could add something to allude to that?

Apart from all that, I found that this flowed well and was written in a style befitting of the story and the story and era. I really, really loved the feel of it and how much it reminded me of an actual elitist meeting. Your descriptions are flawless and your idea is rather unique and interesting. I'd love for there to be more to read :) Good job with this one, and once again, I applaude you for trying to write this era!

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Review #3, by justbecause000 Knockturn Alley

5th April 2014:
Wow, great story! Really well-written, I like the characters and your take on them :)

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much, I'm glad you like how I wrote the characters!

Thank you so much for this wonderful review!
Lo:)


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Review #4, by Secret Santa :) Eavesdropping

30th December 2013:
Hi!

This was an interesting way to include Rowena into becoming a Founder as well as an interesting take on the other three Founders.

I also enjoyed the logic that Rowena used to change the school's location from London to Scotland.

It will be interesting to see how this story continues... :)

Good job!
From your Secret Santa!

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm glad you enjoyed it and you thought it interesting! And that you liked Rowena's logic!

Thank you!
Lo:)


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Review #5, by toomanycurls Eavesdropping

24th December 2013:
I've just started reading Founder Era stories!

I really like the old english stately behavior. It seems fitting for the period. :D

Oh dear: there certainly was an alarming number of muggle girls that had seen entirely too much of him without actually wanting to witness such things. -> Lord Bennett should learn to keep it in his pants!! *cough*

I really like your subtle reference to Rowena's age. She seems young - with the rolling of her eyes and her mother's ire at that behavior. Definitely young (early 20's maybe).

I always pictured Salazar as ugly but I like that you made him attractive. Just because it's different than my assumptions have been. ^_^

Ah! Secret passage! I love secret passages. :D Uh, Helga and Salazar?!!?! :-o and Gryffindor is working for Slytherin? My world is spinning around me!!

Dude! Gryffindor is kind of rude and, well, cheeky. You are painting them as an unlikely quartette. I like that they're already discussing the school even with their clashes, I can see why they'd unite on this one idea.

Rowena is quite sharp. I think you've portrayed her beautifully. I like the license you've used on the others too! I didn't check - is this going to be a longer story? I'd like to read more of it!

-Rose

Author's Response: Hi!

Yay for Founders! And yes, I loved that behaviour! I'm glad I did that time period justice!

Yes, Lord Bennett is not a very nice man and he should do exactly what you said!

And yes, Rowena's age shall come soon enough, as will the other three founders, but you are certainly right: she's about 20 years old in this.

And I wanted to make Salazar attractive because so many people assume that he was a bad person from the get go, and bad people are 'ugly' (see evil witches in old movies), so I wanted to create something different (this is also going to help a possible romance between him and someone *other* than Helga! Eep!

And yes I know, but I will explain everything all in due time! And if your head is spinning, I would say to stop spinning in your spinny office chair? :)

And yes, Gryffindor is quite... well, you've seen it. See? Gryffindor is always portrayed as a 'good' guy, but I wanted to take everything and turn it around on itself!

And yay! I'm glad I portrayed Rowena nicely! And yes, hopefully I can churn out a few more chapters, so yay! You get to read more!

Thank you so much, Rose! You made me smile, yet again!
Lo:)


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Review #6, by Lululuna Eavesdropping

24th December 2013:
Hello! :) I was quite excited when you posted this as I love Founders stories, and historical stories in general. The way you described each of the characters and how Hogwarts came together was really interesting and original, and I really enjoyed reading it!

Something I really like is how many of the details, such as the speech and how they said 'God Save the King' on parting, were so realistic and gave the story an authentic historic air. Something else which was great was the clear class difference and hierarchy established between the characters, like how Rowena sees Bennet as being below her. I really liked that!

The characters were fantastic as well. I always saw Rowena as being more worldly and forceful, but the gentle sort of intelligence and reluctance to get involved was wonderful as well. I liked how she was admiring Slytherin and chasing after him, and how disappointed she is when she finds out he's engaged to a maid. That was an interesting role for Helga and to ship them together instead of Rowena and Slytherin was unexpected and I really enjoyed it. Gryffindor and his rudeness was very unique as well since he's usually portrayed as this wonderful guy, but I liked how despite their unusual personalities I could still see how they each carried through the qualities of their house: Rowena with not being able to hold back her brilliance and wisdom, Slytherin with his cunning and ambition in starting the school, Gryffindor with his brashness, and acting so rudely to a highly placed lady is a little brave in its way.

Lord Bennet just made me laugh and roll my eyes and I would have loved to see more of him just so I could scoff at his silliness. :P I enjoyed the idea of him being so hypocritical in chasing after muggle girls while professing to hate muggles, it was sad for the girls but really gave his character this rotten edge. I could tell how wise Rowena was with how she could read him so well and tell how he was decaying. The other court dynamics, like Slytherin being highly placed, and Rowena's mother being the mistress of the king (scandal!) being a danger to both mother and daughter was very interesting too and gave the story so many great levels of depth.

In general the historical references were quite well done! There were a couple things I noticed which you could consider: first the Crown Prince of France would probably officially be called the "Dauphin,' even by the English, so if you wanted to make it even more authentic that could work. I was also thinking that at this point in time I think Scotland and England would be very separate countries with a habit for conflict: for Salazar to be the Duke of Edinburgh at this point would probably identify him as a Scotsman, not an English lord. :)

I really loved this, it was a wonderful read and really made the history nerd in me happy! :) Thanks for swapping with me!

Author's Response: Hi!

Ooh yay! Founders lover and historical lover! Well, I'm very happy that you enjoyed reading this! :)

I'm so glad I was able to make it sound realistic since I'm not really one for history. It's amazing what a little research can do!

Yay! I'm glad you liked the off-normal characterizations of the Founders, but I'm so happy that they all seemed like they still maintained their house qualities. I felt as though the evil/ugly Slytherin had been done far too much, and Gryffindor gets such a good reputation, but what if he wasn't such an amazing guy?

Ugh, Lord Bennett. Don't worry, you will be seeing more of him (in the good way, not the Lord Bennett way), although you might not be scoffing at his silliness, but wanting to run him over with a carriage... [spoilers! ;)] And yes, I liked adding in Rowena's obvious dislike for the man and her ability to see through him! And yay! I'm glad this had depth!

The Crown Prince/Dauphin thing I will definitely look at! Thank you for pointing it out because I honestly had not thought of that! And urgh! Scotland/England, I should have known! Oops! I will definitely fine tune that, and thank you so much again for pointing that out!

Well thank you and I hope whenever it is that I put the rest of it up we can do another swap and perhaps your inner history nerd will continue to be happy!
Lo:)


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