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19 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Celestial battlefield he wasn't gone.

13th March 2014:
Aaah the little grey box must b hungry
Elets fill him right up
That was a good fic
Very emotional
nice to see.the effect voldys rising is having on the muggle world...

Author's Response: the little grey box is always hungry, you know what it's like. ;) I'm really glad you enjoyed this fic and that you thought the emotions were well done!

I think it would be interesting to explore the effect of Voldemort's reign in the Muggle world, because that's something that's not really touched upon in the HP series, but Muggles would be the ones feeling it most. ;)

Thanks so much for the review!

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Review #2, by Alma he wasn't gone.

9th March 2014:
This killed me. Really. Its really great. I'm not good with words but this is brilliant, and you should definitely write more in this writing style.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you were touched by this and that you think it's great, it means a lot to me. I will try to write more in this style then! Thank you for the review, it made my day. :)

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Review #3, by Dark Whisper he wasn't gone.

15th February 2014:
Hello, my speed date! Since we are writing a companion story, I thought I'd check out one of your stories and Wow! Congrats on winning the prompt and being one of the featured stories!

This was agonizingly sad (and I do love a good sad story, for sure). The woman... so heartbroken, but still hopeful, but at the same time struggling to face her worst fears of an outcome that she seems to already know is true. It's downright awful and so sad. ;(

I must say that a Muggle who has been Kissed is very original and truly an amazing idea. And Moody is perfectly written and in true character. Wow. How devastating that he 'finishes' the man. Gah! So sad!

I love the focus on the rings as well. It provides wonderful imagery and a connection to the couple in an intimate way.

Congrats on being a winner and featured on the front. That is a place of honor and your story is well deserving. Bravo!

Excellent, sad read...
Dark Whisper

P.S. I don't write much fluff. So, if you think my idea is too fluffy, by all means, lets darken it a little. I'm game for ideas and can't wait to hear from you. :)

Author's Response: Hello, my wonderful partner! Thank you so much for this, and for the review. :)

Well, I'm glad you think it's sad bcause that's what I was aiming for, even though the prompt was more fluffy and Christmassy haha. :P Exactly, I think you summed up the woman's emotional conditions really well there. She's hopeful but struggling and denying to herself what she knows is true.

Thank you! I think JK didn't really focus on Muggles that much in the series, but they're the ones who were targeted by Voldemort as well, so I'm glad you find he idea creative! And I'm so happy you think Moody is in character, he's a canon character so I was super scared to write him haha.

Ah, I'm glad you like it! I did mean for it to be a subtle connection between the couple as well, I'm glad you picked up on that.

Thank you so much! I'm so flattered you enjoyed reading this silly little oneshot, and thank you for the congratulations as well. :)

I'm so glad you enjoyed this and thank you so much for this lovely review, it really made my day. :D

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Review #4, by allsystemsongo he wasn't gone.

9th February 2014:
Oh, wow. This was fantastic. Punch -in-your-gut realistic, spot on characterization and a heart rending finish.

You managed to draw me into your story within the first few lines, with a sense of urgency that permeates your writing.

I really like the fact that you left the protagonist without a name. She immediately becomes on of the hundreds of muggles who were collateral damage in the war, someone whose story was never told. You've given the unnamed Muggle a voice, and boy have you done it well.

You built it up to the end, with a great ending to the tale. You almost want that one man who helps her out to be the guy she's looking for, because you've develope the piece so well. Finally, Mad-Eye was perfectly in character. A veteran who cares, no matter how detached he appears.

All in all, great job.
Kudos to you!

Author's Response: Hello there!

I'm so flattered you think that this is good, I just kind of threw it together.

Thank you! I'm glad you think this was urgent and interesting enough to draw you in so quickly, it means a lot to me!

Yes, my intention was that even though we know a lot about this woman and how she's feeling and her life, we don't have a name and she sort of melts into the background of the scene that is the Second Wizarding War. I don't think JK focused on Muggles a lot in the series, but they were some of the people that were targeted the most, so I'm super glad you think I've geiven them a voice.

I tried to, and I'm so happy you think that my ending was both good and suitable to the story. Ah, yay for Moody being in character! Even though he only had a minor part, he was still a canon character, so I was really scared to try and write him. I'm really glad you picked up on the fact he does care, and underneath the gruff demeanor he's feeling for the Muggles.

Thank you for this lovely review, it was an amazing thing to wake up to. :D

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Review #5, by maraudertimes he wasn't gone.

15th January 2014:

So this was really sad, but I'm glad I chose it because it was heart-breakingly beautiful. (That's the best kind of sad.)

I liked not knowing the name of the narrator until the end, because it made me even more invested in her story, to try and figure out who she was and what had happened.

The only thing I noticed was that the man was 'engaged', but typically, men don't wear engagement rings. They can, but they usually don't.

Other than that, I really liked the narrative and the description was really good! Amazing job!

P.S. Your author's note was really cool! 160 words? I didn't notice but it's super cool! Great job!

Author's Response: Hey!

Aw, I didn't mean for it to be sad when I started out, I actually meant for it to be a really fluffy piece for Christmas. But when I wrote I took over myself (?) and this turned out quite depressing.

Yeah, I didn't add her name. I wanted to portray how war could hit anyone, how that person could be anybody, because war is such a brutal, impersonal thing.

Oh yeah, I think someone already pointed that out. *blushes* I'll go back and edit that soon. I was thinking of my dad when I put the rings in, he wears an engagement ring. I forgot it's not the standard thing to do. ;)

I'm so glad you liked the description, that was something I was quite worried about because this is pretty short.

Haha yep, 160 words. I like to think it serves some sort of purpose. ;)

Thanks so much for this wonderful review! I really enjoyed swapping with you. :D

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Review #6, by BenedictPumpkinpatch he wasn't gone.

6th January 2014:
Review number 3 for the writer's duel winners.

Wonderful, just wonderful.

You showed me how much love there was between this couple with your descriptions of things like the tree, the house and them decorating it. Small touches like him lifting her to reach the top of the tree and the duvet they shared, allowed the reader a glimpse into a loving, tender relationship.

Within the space of a few words I was taken from feeling warm and content with this woman, to being plunged into despair. Because I knew how much she loved this man, I knew how much she cared for him, how much she was planning her life around him, how much she loved every breath he took. and then, you took that last breath from him.

From feeling the warmth of her love for this man, I was suddenly aware of how much pain she would feel, how her world was about to collapse in on her, how she would be unable to carry on, how her life was about to lose all meaning.

You did that to me. You made me feel those emotions with just a few well chosen words. That is the mark of a good author. You took my breath away. This is a simply stunning story.

Author's Response: Ah hello!

Wow, thank you so much! *blushes* You flatter me.

I'm so glad that you think I got their relationship right, I really wanted to show that they really did love each other and I'm glad you think it was loving and tender, that's just what I was aiming for! :)

I know I'm terrible, I meant for this to be all fluffy and happy when I started, but it turned out so dark! I'm so glad that you felt so much for her, I did want this to be a very emotional piece.

Ah yeah, I'm so glad you felt her pain and empathised with her. Another reviewer pointed out that she would probably be called to identify his body on Christmas Day. :O

I can't think what to say. I'm so happy that you felt this, and thank you so much for the amazing compliment! I'm so flattered you think I'm a good author and this is a good story. :)

Thank you so much for this lovely review, it absolutely made my day! :D

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Review #7, by MissesWeasley123 he wasn't gone.

3rd January 2014:
Hello Emily! I'm here for day 8 of 12 Days of reviewing. More reasons to read your fabulous work!

It was so perfect, this, all of this. SO breathtaking and SO flawless. There was so much emotion in this too, and again your talent to convey a story is great. You really are talented and are able to write a variety of stories which is great.

Moody and Hestia! That is such an unlikely duo. She isn't seen a lot so it was really interesting to see the way she worked with Moody. And Moody was done brilliantly as well. He was cold and imperfect but you wrote his character amazingly.

Your structure, and they way you made it "pretty" haha, the styling I mean was great. It really added such amazing impact, honestly. The use of repetition of the first word in each bracket was heartbreaking but so breathtaking as well. Veyr, very clever!

I really enjoyed this one shot. Good luck in the duel, I hope you do well!

Author's Response: Hello Nadia! Aw, fabulous? You flatter me. :)

Ah, thank you so much! I meant for this to be a really emotional piece, and I'm so glad you liked that and wow, thank you so much for the amazing compliments!

Yeah, Moody and Hestia sort of waltzed into the picture, I didn't mean to have them there when I started writing haha. I'm so happy you thought I wrote Moody well!

Bahaha yeah, prettiness is paramount. :P Nah, but I;m so glad you liked the brackets thing. Ah yeah, I wondered whether the repetition was boring or not, I'm so glad it isn't! And wow, thank you so much. :D

Ah I still can't believe I won my prompt! I didn't think I would but oh goodness thank you!

Thank you so much for this amazing review, it made my day! :D

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Review #8, by Infinityx he wasn't gone.

3rd January 2014:
Hi there! I'm here for the eighth day of the 12 days of reviewing challenge.

This is such a perfectly written, heartbreaking story. You've done an amazing job at depicting the horrors that the war brings. It's really interesting that you left the main character unnamed. It shows how that could have been any victim of the war. I also love how you chose to write about muggles. War is such a cold thing, and a lot of victims were definitely muggles. You've done an incredible job of emphasizing the tragedy here.

I love the way you characterized Moody and Hestia. It was really sad to read about the way Moody killed the man who had been kissed. He seems really cold and unfeeling, but I guess that's how the war conditioned him to be. It really adds to the grim tone that envelops the entire story.

I really love the way you've written this. Its such a powerful, overwhelming read. You've done a terrific job. *wipes away a tear* I need to go listen to some happy music now.

- Erin.

Author's Response: Hello Erin!

Ah, thank you so much! I wanted to show how brutal war can be, and also how impersonal, thus leaving the lady unnamed. Yeah, Voldemort was definitely targeting Muggles, but we don't hear about that too much from the HP series. I'm so glad you think that I've emphasised the tragedy here. :)

Moody and Hestia just sort of waltzed into the story. :P I think Moody, as a war veteran, would be quite cold and gruff and I'm glad I brought that out well, but he does care, deep down.

I'm so glad you liked it, and that you found it overwhelming! Thank you for the amazing compliments. Aw no, don't cry!

Thank you for this amazing review, you've made my day! :D

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Review #9, by UnluckyStar57 he wasn't gone.

1st January 2014:
Hello again! I was beaten to posting in the BvB review thread the first time, so I'm going to give you another review! :D

This was SO perfectly written! I loved the repeating parenthetical thoughts that the unnamed woman had. They showed her emotions so brilliantly and so raw.

Although neither the wizard nor the woman have names in this story, I think they have more impact that way. After all, the war was on, and who knows how many unnamed souls suffered at Voldemort's hand? The fact that the couple do not have names just means that this story is universal and can be applied to anyone's situation--which makes for a farther-reaching impact!

It's awesome that you made each section have the same number of words! It really did pack a more powerful punch! :)

Bye for now!


Author's Response: Hello! Ahaha, I read about your comedy of errors. :P But yay for more reviews!

Thank you! I was aiming for a very emotional, raw pieca here, and I'm so glad that you think I acheived that!

Yeah, I meant to show how impersonal and effortlessly brutal war can be, so that's where keeping the protagonisits unnames came from. I'm glad you liked the effect it had as well. :)

Yes, I've been told it made the story more balanced and I'm happy you think the sections conveyed a lot!

Thank you for another lovely review! :D

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Review #10, by maskedmuggle he wasn't gone.

30th December 2013:

NO (that was my first reaction), because I'm such a sucker for happy endings and this was anything but that :( It was so, so tragic, and despite how incredibly torn and heartbroken I am for Emily this was a really well written one shot that utterly captured my attention. Here for the 12 Days of Reviewing but I'm so, so glad I was able to read this one-shot.

I loved your use of the :: Sometimes when writers do that it feels a bit unnecessary but I think you used it to a really great effect here. This whole one-shot had a lot of focus on emotions, which I thought you really conveyed so so well. Emily's emotions and feelings were conveyed so strongly (her grief, desperation and denial in particular) and you made me, as a reader, so, so sympathetic.

Despite the quick change of scene from Emily to Alastar/Hestia it didn't feel abrupt to me, it actually felt like you had a really good flow going on. I also liked how you mentioned little things like how everyone was scared at times like this, and the dementor and how the man was a muggle - it made everything feel believable, realistic and established the time/context of the story. The whole ending was just so sad, especially with the whole engaged thing going on! So I thought this was a really well written piece - also I really loved how you developed from the original Writer's Duel prompt. I really enjoyed reading this, even if the ending made me super sad for Emily/the man.

- Charlotte

Author's Response: Hey!

Who's Emily?! That's my name! :O Did I say Emily somewhere I didn't mean to?

Ah I'm sorry! But you know, since it was my goal I'm glad you're heartbroken hehe. And thank you for the amazing compliment, I'm so glad you think this is well written.

Thank you! I was really worried about that stylistic choice, but so far it seems to have had a positive reception and I'm glad you think I used them well. Yes, I definitely meant for the oneshot to focus a lot on her emotions, so I'm glad you noticed that. And I'm glad that you were sympathetic!

Ah good, I was worried about the flow (especially with the bracketed sections) so I'm happy you think my flow was good. And yeah, I think that the war would have affected the Muggle world, even if they didn't know what was going on. It's good that you felt that the story was realistic and believable. I actually added in the engaged thing after finishing the piece so that I could add Hestia's little part in, I'm glad you found it sad! Ah thank you, I'm happy you found it well written and that you liked my development from the beginning, and that it made you sad hehe.

Thank you for this amazing review Charlotte!

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Review #11, by MargaretLane he wasn't gone.

29th December 2013:
Really like the beginning of this story. I don't mean the part you were given, but how you've developed it. You can really feel her desperation.

Also love the line about memories threatening to overwhelm her. Since it appears somebody she loves has disappeared, that is understandable.

Yikes, the last part is so cruel. I mean, I guess there isn't much point in remaining alive when everything that makes you "you" is gone, but there is still a callousness to it that kind of underlines how wizards, even the good ones, see Muggles.

And of course, Moody is rather callous in some ways, anyway, because he's had to be, because he's seen so much and has become outwardly desensitised. I get the impression he cares more beneath, but he doesn't openly show it. I like the contrast between his reaction and Hesia's.

Author's Response: Hello! I'm so glad you did, I meant for this to be really emotional, so I'm glad you felt her desperation.

Thank you, I was hoping it would be believable, and I'm glad you couold understand her.

Ahh, thank you! In my headcanon wizards are brought back to Mungo's, but Muggles are just killed, because wizards will prize their kind more than Muggles. I'm glad you could see the underlying callousness wizards possess.

Yeah, that's definitely a part of it. I'm so glad you got the impression that he cares underneath! I was aiming for that, but I wasn't sure whether I got th or whether he just seemed callous. I'm very happy you liked their contrasting reactions!

Thank you so much for this lovely review!

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Review #12, by momotwins he wasn't gone.

27th December 2013:
Eeek so sad - but I love the way you structured the story. It was really interesting to read. Everything flowed nicely, with the bracketed bits chopping it up, if that makes sense. And oof the sad. Dude. Alastor's coldness was perfectly in character. And kudos to you for making Hestia be his partner. I was expecting Tonks and it was nice to see someone else. Hestia doesn't feature often in stories, so it's always good to see her. Great job, this is a very impressive entry!

Author's Response: Hello! Ah, I'm so glad you think it flowed well and the stylistic choices were good, because I was worried that with the bracketed bits chopping it up it wouldn't flow that well. :) Bahaha, sorry! I'm happy you think Moody was well characterised, and I thought Hestia would be better for this story. She's more minor, so I could give her a more caring, empathetic personaliy that's better for the plot. ;) Thank you for this lovely review!

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Review #13, by marauderfan he wasn't gone.

27th December 2013:

This is for the 12 days of Reviewing (day 2). And also because I saw you had a new story and I wanted to read it.

You did an amazing job with this story! It's so chilling and heartbreaking. I love that you chose to leave the main character unnamed, it really emphasizes how the victims in the war were often innocent bystanders, could be anyone and everyone. And then finding out they were Muggles... :'( it's so sad especially because they have no idea what is going on or why. But I'm glad you wrote it about Muggles because it's easy to forget that they were impacted by the wars of the wizarding world just as much as the wizards were - after all they were one of Voldemort's targets.

I liked Moody and Hestia's cameo at the end there. You did a wonderful job characterising them - taking the familiar characters we know from canon and showing a little of what it's like out there in the real world as they do what they have to. Hestia seems a lot more jaded than she was when she was introduced in OotP, and I could easily see Moody telling her to not get too attached to the victims they find, trying to be objective about the job. So sad :(

You did an exceptional job at conveying emotions and tone throughout the piece. To me it sort of reads as if I'm watching a black-and-white film. Nice job with the style aspect as well - it's unique, and I love the fact that each section is 160 words. Each section, you said a lot in a small amount of words and that's a great talent!

Wonderful job on this, Emily!!

Author's Response: KRISTIN

Yay for the challenge if it's giving me extra reviews, haha. :P

I'm so glad you think so! Heartbreaking is definitely good. And I thought that leaving the main character would emphasise how impersonal and destructive war is, and I'm glad that came through to you. Yeah, Muggles were the main targets, but we don't hear about the attcks and stuff much from the series, but Voldemort was targeting them.

Hahaha, I'm glad you did! I'm so happy you thought that they were characterised well. :) Yeah, Hestia was described as rosy-cheeked so I immediately thought she would be innocent, and then tried to give her a more jaded air, so I'm glad you pcked up on that too. Moody's a war veteran, so I think that he would be the gruff type who really dos care, deep down.

Ah, thank you! I was really aiming for the emotional tone with this. A black-and-white film? I haven't watched many of those, so I'll jst take your word for it. :P And I'm so glad you liked the style I wrote it in, and the 160 words thing is both a cool thing and it helps balance the sections out. Ah, thank you Kristin, you flatter me.

Thanks so much for this wonderful review Kristin! It made my day. :D

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Review #14, by teh tarik he wasn't gone.

22nd December 2013:
Hello! Congrats on getting an entry in for the Writers' Duel!

Wow. :( Such a terribly tragic and heartbreaking piece; most of the entries for the fourth prompt are generally bleaker and darker than stories for the other three prompts, which is hardly surprising of course. This one was especially hard to read, because there is no easy, pleasant ending and the characters simply don't get all their problems tied up nicely so they can all sit down and have a happy Christmas in the end. But it makes sense, this story of yours, because it really does portray the horrible effects of the war, and how it tears innocent lives apart. The way you wrote this had a kind of raw realism in it, and ugh, the poor woman! :( She never saw her fiancee alive again; I can't imagine her receiving that phone call from the Muggle police and going to identify her fiancee's body...on Christmas Day as well.

I think it's very telling that you chose to not name your protagonish; war is, after all, a very impersonal thing, and many of the innocent victims are often nameless and forgotten. In the books, many Muggles were most certainly victims of Voldemort's reign, and many remained unnamed in the books. I think it's possible that the rest of the wizarding world, desperately trying to survive , would have quite overlooked the plight of defenceless Muggles.

Alastor and Hestia discovering the soulless Dementor-Kissed man was so hard to read, especially the almost casual manner that Moody lifts his wand and kills him. It's so hard to read; I do wish he hadn't done it, I wish they'd leave him with the Muggle authorities so at least he can be identified and that his fiancee will be able to see him alive, even if he's dead, internally. Well, maybe that's worse for her, I dunno.

Anyway, this was an incredibly heartbreaking oneshot. :( You portrayed the effects of war really well, so great work on this! Good luck with the Duel! I'm sure you'll do great. :)


Author's Response: Hi teh! :D Thank you.

Ah I know, I meant to write something fluffy for Christmastime! But nope, my muse insisted that I wrote this and got all depressed. ;) If it doesn't sound too sadistic, I'm glad this was hard to read because that's what I was aiming for really. ;) I was hoping to portray how awfully the war must have affected Muggles, because we know that Voldemort was attacking them constantly but we don't get to see much of that in the series. I'm very happy you found a raw realism in it, I was really going for a very emotional, raw piece. Ah, I hadn't thought of that! She'll have to identify her fiance's body on Christmas Day.

Yeah, war is very brutal and we don't find out that names of all the killed, and I wated to show that here, that this could be any Muggle couple really. I agree, we hear a lot about Muggle attacks and we know they must have suffered but that's never really brought to light in the series, and yeah, the wizards wouldn't really have thought about the Muggles while they themselves were trying to rebuild.

Alastor is a war veteran, and in my headcanon he's really gruff, and he tries his best not to get attached because it makes the missions harder, but he does care and that's why he keeps on fighting. I think that perhaps Kissed wizards might be taken to Mungo's, but with all the Dementors loose, there would be a lot of Kissed Muggles and killng them is the easiest option. :(

Thank you so much for this incredible review, teh! I'm so glad you think so, and thank you again!

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Review #15, by DracoFerret11 he wasn't gone.

21st December 2013:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums! I decided to read and review all of the Writer's Duel entries! :D So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was really lovely. I liked that you used Muggle OCs to describe such a terrible time in the wizarding world. I didn't even realize the full impact of everything happening until the end, and I love stories like that. They blow me away. So wonderful job with the set-up and delivery. I was really impressed.

Characterization: Your female OC was so relateable. I liked that I could really feel her emotions and the gravity of her situation. It was moving and sad and really great. I wish the man at her door had gotten a longer moment. I think it could have helped readers see how disconnected the woman was feeling while dealing with the loss of her fiance. And then you threw in Hestia and Moody! Ahhh. That was so sad. I don't even know how to react right now. :(

Descriptions: I think I might have liked a few more details about the characters and settings (thought not the female OC--I sort of liked that she was ambiguous and could have been anyone.) But it would have helped me to connect with the final scene more if I had been able to "see/experience" it. I could see the flat-scene, but not the one at the end.

Stylistically, this was really, really pretty. I liked how you cut things up and let the emotions control the story. It worked really well and I was very fond of the effect that it created. Overall, amazing job and good luck in the Duel! :)


Author's Response: Hello other Emily! :D

Ah, I'm so happy you liked it! I think that by using Muggle OCs I managed to convey how terribly the war affected Muggles. I wasn't actually aiming for the huge reveal or something that would blow you away at the end, but I'm glad you experienced that. ;)

I'm so glad you could relate to my MFC, I was hoping she wasn't unrealistic because I was worrying more about the plot and hoping it tied in with my prompt so I only edited my OC a bit before sticking this into the queue and hoping for the best, haha. Hestia and Moody sort of just walked into the one-shot and my face was something like O_O Ah don't be sad! *sends chocolate*

I was aiming for a sort of bleak narration to reflect how the woman was feeling, but I definitely agree that the end scene could have been fleshed out more. Once the queue reopens I'll edit that, thank you! :D

I'm so happy you liked the style I wrote it in, I wanted the emotions to play a really dominant role in this piece and I hoped that the sentences would help with that. Thank you so much for this lovely review Emily! :D

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Review #16, by Secret Santa! he wasn't gone.

20th December 2013:
Book Dinosaur! Why must u so this to me?!?!

Hehe, hello! After quite a while! How've u been?? Good I hope! :D ooh, so, guess what? Anyway, I made u a graphic! I know! Shocking! Not good, but, it's the thought that counts right?

Anyway, back to the 'why must u do this to me?!?!' My tears! Like a forums friend of mine told me on one of my depressing stories- it's so sad! Why?!?! My tears are leaking out of my eyes so quickly!

I love it how u kept them unnamed! It added to the intriguing quality of the story! Good job, hun! And the switching POV at the end! Oh god! Moody! I like Hestia! Perfect good cop bad cop situation! And I didn't realise she was a muggle at all till the end! Amazing!!

Good job, my love! I loved it and desperately wish I could favourite it, but, sadly I can't... -_-anyway!

Have a good night/day! Until next time, sweetie!

Xoxo SS

Author's Response: Hello my lovely Secret Santa! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!

I have been good, thank you! I hope you've ben good too. And you made me a graphic! :O Thank you! It is the thought that counts, thank you so much!

Ah I'm sorry! *sends cookies* Cheer up, Santa!

I kept them unnamed so that I could really show how much the war affected nnocent muggles, because that's who Voldemort was really after. Ah thank you, I did want to let the readers know what happened to her fiance so I tacked that scene on at the end. I was picturing Moody as more gruff, because he's been through more than Hestia, while Hestia is still young. Thank you so much, you flatter me!

Thank you! And I guess you'll just have to wait until December's over hehe. ;)

You too, Secret Santa! See you around maybe. :D

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Review #17, by APerkins he wasn't gone.

16th December 2013:
Your fun facts a re funny.

The Stylistic bracketed bits? I dont mind them in this.
In general, not usually a fan, but you have used them to good effect here I think...

I actually really loved this, thankyou. I am in a sad depressing miserable story mood, and this was beautiful. Thankyou. Really welll written.

I hope your christmas is better than the characters in your story!

Author's Response: Ahaha, I'm glad you enjoyed them! :)

Oh, that's good. I'm happy you think that I've used them well, I was hoping to really capture the emotion in this piece with them.

Thank you! It's made my day to hear that you liked it and it's affectecd you ike that. *sends cookies in the mail* Cheer up, though! I would hate to think that I've put someone in a depressed mood! O_O

Thank you! I hope yours is too, and thank you so much for this lovely review. :D

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Review #18, by Lululuna he wasn't gone.

16th December 2013:
Hi Emily! :D

Oh my goodness, I think this story broke my heart a little. When I was reading through it I was sure there would be a revelation about who the couple was but it being a nameless Muggle couple was even more saddening. It really brought to light how innocent Muggles suffered from the war and how unfair and unjustified it was that the woman lost her fiance on Christmas, and how she might not find out what happened to him. The little memories of them decorating the tree together and how blissful and happy their relationship had been right before this happened was so poignant.

Stylistically I thought this story was really lovely and powerful. The emotional descriptions in the brackets juxtaposed really well with the action, and the fact that each section from the woman's POV was 160 words came through in how balanced and symmetrical the story read. In the repetition of the emotions as more and more facts and ideas are unveiled it gave the sense of how she has been searching for him continuously and keeps being hopeful, and then sinking into despair again.

You did a really good job of showing not telling here with the revelations that this is happening during the second war, with details like going to Grimmauld place and how Muggles were being targeted. Moody was characterized perfectly with his gruffness and down-to-business attitude, how of course he is sorry too but shows it by shoving aside any emotions and sticking to the mission no matter what. I really loved Hestia too as she seemed so kind and empathetic, and the last line was so lovely in tying the story together in way that was bleak and hopeless but lovely nonetheless.

The fact that he got Kissed and not outright murdered was so horrible but perfect in a dark way. I never thought about what happens to people who have been Kissed but it makes sense that they would be put out of their misery, but the reality of it was really tragic to read about.

Good job Emily! ♥ I'm so glad I read this, even if I might be sad about it for a while. You have some really lovely writing here. :)

Author's Response: JENNA YOU LOVELY PERSON. I'm sorry for the lateness of this reply. ;)

Ah I'm sorry. Yeah, I wanted to show how the Second Wizarding War affected the Muggles, because really they were who Voldemort was targeting. I'm glad this brought that to light for you. And it is awful that she lost her fiance on Christmas, and I'm happy you think that the happy memories didn't clash with the sad atmosphere too much/

I'm so happy you think that! That was one of the things was the most nervous about, since I've never tried out something like that before. I was hoping to capture all the emotion, and I'm glad you think I managed to do that and the thoughts didn't clash too much with the action. I did wonder what purpose the 160 words thing would serve apart from being a cool fact, but there you go, keeping the stoy balanced is very important. :P

I've always preferred showing to telling personally, and I'm glad that you liked it. Trying to write anyone that JK has is always a challenge for me, and I'm so happy you thought he was characterised well! I figured that as a war veteran he would be very tough, and because JK described Hastia as having rosy cheeks, I immediately characterised her as a gentle, loving sort of person. :P And I'm glad the last line managed to link the two sections, I was hoping that it would. :)

I'd never really though about it either, but when I wrote this it sort of just made sense - they're in a permanent post-vegetative state according to the Harry Potter Wikia - so I thought the most logical thing would have been to put out of their misery, like you said . Not to sound sadistic or anything, but I'm glad you found it sad, that was pretty much what I was aiming for with this.

Thank you so much Jenna! I'm so glad you reviewed, and don't be sad! *sends cookies*

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Review #19, by patronus_charm he wasn't gone.

16th December 2013:
EMILY! Can I just say that your summary is awesome! When I saw it I was just like ♥

Ah this one-shot was like an angst overload. I can’t even cope. At first I was just like aw poor woman she’s lost someone she loved I hope she finds him, but by the end of it was close to full on sobbing, no joke. You really caught all the emotions of this one-shot so well which I think is what led to the success of it. From the woman wanting her fiancé back so desperately, to the coldness of Moody which was forced upon him to protect himself to the compassion of Hestia, it was all so wonderful!

I really loved your stylistic choices and I thought they worked really well with this one-shot. It sort of allowed a closeness to the woman which went even further than the already really open emotions. I think that was the thing which made it even angstier because the things in the brackets showed her gradual deterioration and how it kept on getting worse and worse and there really was nothing to save her.

You juxtaposed the warmness of the homes with all their Christmas decorations and then the woman’s despair over why her fiancé could be was really excellent. I think it was the true hopelessness of where he could be was so heart-breaking and that was shown really well with the way she clutched onto that photo for her dear life!

Then the ending was perfect. That sounds horrible but when is say perfect I mean perfect in Alastor and Hestia’s reactions. War is such a brutal thing so the way Alastor closed himself off was perfectly understandable and relatable. Hestia added that touch of innocence of her not being used to atrocities like this and still wanting to save the man even though there was nothing to be done.

Excellent one-shot, Emily!


Author's Response: KIANA! Omg thank you for this wonderful review! I'm still squeeing about it. :D And thank you about the summary, I was just hoping it wasn't too blegh, so I'm glad you liked it!

Ah I'm glad you thought so! Because generally I don't do angst and I was kind of hoping that my first attempt at real angst wouldn't be a total fail haha. :P And oh no, don't cry Kiana! *sends tissues* But I'm hglad I captured the emotions, I was hoping to make this a really raw piece. Ah I'm so happy you liked it! :D

And thank you for that as well! Like I said in my A/N I really wasn't sure about the style I used here, but I'm glad they tapped into her emotions and gradual deterioration, because that was exactly what I was aiming for. :) I was aiming for the feelings here to be really raw and emotional, so I'm glad that worried out!

Haha yeah, I was just writing and then when I edited I realised how ironic it was that this was happening on Christmas. But I'm happy you didn't think they just contradicted each other, I was scared that might happen as well. And yeah, her anxiety and fear for her fiancé are basically all that she's thinking of during the one-shot. ;)

Ahaha no, it doesn't sound that bad! And the war is awful and I just thought the most realistic thing that wizards would do to Kissed Muggles was kill them because they're just a shell. :( And Alastor was a war veteran, he would just cut himself off, but Hestia was described as 'rosy-cheeked' in the series so immediately I was like rosy cheeks=innocence and too much feeling and so I chose Hestia to add that innocence, haha.

Thank you so much for this lovely review, Kiana! I can safely say that it has made my day because I am about to go to bed. :P

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