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Reading Reviews for MISSING: Maid Of Honour
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by potterfan310 Chapter 6

22nd June 2017:
Haha so Al and Zilly have got lost and not got the dress, I bet Dom is fuming. Not to mention those two in the car XD bet its all fun and games.

Tottally agree with Louis, Teddy and Vic had a moment. Maybe this will be what brings them back together!!!

Love Zilly's thoughts on what to feed Remi, haha, bet he's loving it in a way, not eating whatever mush Vic feeds him.

"If hes still with us in a hour, well know its safe to eat." - God help them if, in the way, way future Albus and Zilly have a child. They're parenting skills are A+ lol.

Haha you're welcome lol. More drama to come ahead me thinks and I cannot wait!!

-Potterfan310

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Review #2, by potterfan310 Chapter 5

22nd June 2017:
It's meee, I'm back as are you!!

So I was re-reading the earlier chapters and there are a few little errors but nothing major. My only other thing is Remi, I get that Albus and Zilly have no idea about kids, but with him being two I wouldn't have thought they'd let him go to the toilets in a strange place all on his own, same for the play area (maybe mention that Al+Zilly could still see him from where they were sat or something). Sorry it's just bugging me :)

Two little brit picks - Crib would be Cot and elavator would be lift.

Oh god, of course Albus breaks the lift XD Definitely think there is sexual tension between Al and Remi instead of just normal 'I hate him/her tension' ;) although if they had been stuck in a lift without Remi who knows what might have happend ;)

EEekkk I love, love the 'we are absolutely platonic people who must now share a double bed for wharever reason but this could end up slightly not platonic' if that makes sense lol.

Agin with the Remi thing, (sorry) Al + Zilly sent him to the toilets on his own in the previous chapter, and in this one you said he's being potty trained, so he would still need help and not get sent on his own if you get what I mean.

Love how Al calls zilly, Eliza it makes me laugh. I'm guessing he does it on purpose maybe knowing it annoys her, unless he's just being formal and not wanting to use her nickname.

Albus in a wizard band, what a picture, XD

"Black Market apothecary he's running that's definitely some kind of underground meth lab-" - I Know this story is about Albus and Zilly, but oh my god please can we meet James, this has proper cracked me up XD

Sorry if you think I'd be picky about the Remi/toddler stuff but this is such a good story and you've got such an original plot, it'd be a shame for it not to have its full potential.

-Potterfan310

Author's Response: Hi, thank you so much for your review! Don't worry, I totally understand and it's useful to have a bit of constructive criticism.

Funnily enough, I'm actually British! I don't know, perhaps it's because of too much association with american books and films etc, but I've always considered cot/crib and elevator/lift to be interchangeable. I guess maybe I write a little less British than I actually am in real life!

I'm glad you like the story. I'm struggling a bit with it at the moment as I'm not very motivated regarding writing, and I'm not sure where this plot should go. But nice and dedicated reviews like yours are always great motivation to have another go!

Hopefully I'll update something new soon, until then thanks for sticking with me! xxx


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Review #3, by potterfan310 Chapter 4

14th November 2014:
Hey again!

Zilly and Albus honestly have no idea how to look after kids at all do they, haha. Poor Remi having to go to the toilets on his own. Is he two or three years old? Sounds stupid, but have they got a carseat for him? Them getting stopped by the police would add to their terrible trip and Victoire killing one of them for not keeping her son safe.

This trip is going to be very, very interesting. Between Zilly and Al's hate for one another and now Remi. Can't wait for the next one.

-Potterfan310

Author's Response: Ahhh, the carseat thing sounds like a great plot idea! Would add a humorous twist to the story. Thanks so much for reviewing my story :)

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Review #4, by potterfan310 Chapter 3

14th November 2014:
Hello!

Ahhh we finally get to meet Albus! I LOVEE your description of him and how he has Fabian's old watch as well as that he loves Muggle things too.

Rather than disrupt the flow, maybe write numbers such as when Dom is on about the money or when it comes to the time.

HA! Dom's love of Lord of The Rings is brilliant.

When Zilly is with Teddy there was a reallly long sentence, maybe break it up with a comma or two?

Albus and Zilly, haha I love that he's already annoying her and they haven't even been on the road that long. I think by the end of the ten hour trip Zilly is going to end up killing him or something, haha.

"He slams his foot onto the ignition" - This kind of didn't make sense, since the ignition is what you put the key in. Did you mean the accelerator?

Aww bless, Remi's in the car, haha. I'm definitely assuming this is where the summary which made me really curious, fits it. I bet Victoire's going to be on the war path!

So I was re-reading the first two chapters because it's a been a while. Zilly is some distant cousin to Teddy and presumably Scorpius too, hence the playing hide and seek in Malfoy Manor, I'm guessing. There were a few little spelling/grammar mistakes but the one I noticed the most was when Zilly/anyone else was speaking saying 'I'm or I've' etc the i's weren't capitalised.

Off to the next one!

-Potterfan310
Sophie x

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for reviewing! Thankyou for your kind comments. It has been a while since I wrote the earlier chapters of this story, and I never used to write 'I've' etc with capital 'I's'- mistakes I regret now! About the driving thing- I have no idea what an ignition is or anything, I'm sixteen and live in the UK so can't drive yet. So thanks for correcting me on that or I'll never have known!!! x

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Review #5, by potterfan310 Chapter 2

10th January 2014:
Zilly and Teddy have got the best friendship, I love it. He's like a big brother to her I guess and it's so cute.

Poor Zilly having to find out the terms and conditions, I like the idea though about them all going the 'muggle way' for the experience and how all the Potter-Weasleys freaked when she got out her mobile.

Oooh I like that you have Louis as the middle child, with Dom being younger than him, very original and I like!

Dom's personality as a bit of a neat-freak organiser is fab, she's so different to how I normally read her.

I am in love with this story right now and you because it's all so original!!! ♥♥

Out of curiosity how long has Zilly lived with Teddy?

I can't wait to see Zilly and her ten hour drive with Albus, soon be fun :p I'm excited for the next chapter and cannot wait!

10/10
Soph ♥

Author's Response: Aww thanks so much for your review! Yeah, i like to try out new ideas about character ages and stuff when I write next generation because I don't want it to be like all the other fics, I guess. I planned that Zilly was orphaned when she was eleven or twelve and lived with Teddy since then- I did have a prologue of the night her parents died and when she first met Teddy but I didn't really like it, maybe i'll develop it and post as a one shot or something. Thanks so much for such a sweet review and i'm so happy you liked it! xx

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Review #6, by potterfan310 Chapter 1

16th December 2013:
This is great so far!!

Remus is just too cute, poor Zilly though. I love how Remi tells on her and she just shakes it off.

Zilly's characterisation is great, and I really like how it's set out of Hogwarts. There really needs to be more next gen after Hogwarts!

Dom is as mad as Zilly (is that short for something or is it just Zilly?) and I from the sounds of it her and Lysander made a good couple.

Your summary really intrigued me and I can't wait to read the rest of the story, especially if an Albus Potter is involved.

Definitely adding this to my favourites, can't wait for the next one!!

10/10
-Potterfan310
Soph x

Author's Response: Thanks so much! So nice of you to review and such lovely things too... Zilly is short for Eliza which i know doesn't exactly work but i like to think teddy called her it and it just caught on or something. Updating the next chapter now!!! Xxx

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Review #7, by smashed_crayon Chapter 1

16th December 2013:
Wow, this is great! It's funny and sophisticated, and doesn't have that teenage angst/girly edge to it (which I can't seem to stop putting into mine. Woe) Zilly reminds me a lot of myself at the moment too.
Also, the start of this is very similar to one of my stories, chasing madness. Kind of. Maybe. Yours is better. Anyway I think that's awesome.
And one last thing UPDATE THAT ENDING IS KILLING ME!!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm updating very soon. I'll check your story out- I'm sure it's just as good if not better! I try not to make the stories too teenage/angsty/clichey because i find it awkward to write, hahah. Thanks for reviewing! X

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