Reading Reviews for A Christmas Wish
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by adluvshp A Christmas Wish

14th March 2014:
Blackout Battle 19/20

This was very sweet and nice. I really enjoyed the whole feel of Christmas that existed throughout. The plot itself was something new and fresh. I liked all the characters though they were people I didn't know about. There wasn't much backstory but at the same time I could connect with the characters on an emotional level.

All the descriptions were beautiful and I could imagine it all happening in front of my mind's eye. I also liked the little details, such as the small mention of George Weasley, which added a familiar touch to the story.

Good work. I quite liked it. It was sweet and simple =)


Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review and I'm so very, very sorry it has taken all this time to reply. Real life. Sigh.

Again, thank you for the lovely review!


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Review #2, by PolyJuice_ A Christmas Wish

13th March 2014:

This was completely wonderful. From start to finish it both amused me and made me wish I was there.

I loved all the characters, though it was a short story I could still picture all the people, and I felt as if I was there with them.

"Hidden Magic" Ooh, that sounds really cool. I'd love to know more about that. The way you've described every little detail is wonderful. I can see it all playing out inside my head. I can see the icicles, the joy on all the faces as Richard returns.


Anyway, I loved your story!


Author's Response: Hi! So sorry for the delay in responding...

Thank you very much! This was a very fun story for me to write. :)

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #3, by Infinityx A Christmas Wish

3rd January 2014:
Hi there! I'm here for the eighth day of the 12 days of reviewing challenge.

This was a very sweet story. I love your descriptions about the decorations. They really gave the Christmas-ey feel. I liked the way you started off with the focus on the muggles. It gave the story a different perspective instead of making it monotonous. I think the way you depicted the effect that the war had on the Americans was a wonderful original idea, and you've done a really good job. :)

I found it a little hard to relate the characters since they were all OC. There wasn't much background on them and things just seemed to happen. There wasn't any description about the characters themselves either so I was unable to envision anything.

I love the whole scene with the gifts. It was really cute and realistic. Overall, I think this was a very sweet one-shot. Great job and good luck! :)

- Erin

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I'll see how I can improve the characters. I am planning to write a novella depicting them, but I'm still working on the story line.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #4, by BookDinosaur A Christmas Wish

3rd January 2014:
Hello! I'm here for the Eighth of the Twelve Days of Reviewing Chalenge!

I really enjoyed reading this, it was such a sweet oneshot. :)

I really liked how you started off the story by talking about Muggles, it reminds me of the beginning of Harry Potter and the Philosepher's Stone, it made me think about JK's writing style, so kudos to you for that! That's a really clever to way to intro duce us to the wizards, by talking about Muggles and gradually linking things in to the wizards.

I think you really managed to characterise the two Muggles at the beginning well, I love how the lady was really unforgiving and only cared about the nieghbours makingthe street look sloppy by not decorating for Christmas and how the man was more sympathetic, taking into account the details like Margaret's fiance was away on an assignment.

I really enjoyed the moment before Richard's homecoming as well, when Maggie wished on the star, it was really sad in a beautiful kind of way and I really liked it.

The Christmas homecoming was so sweet as well! I really liked Richard's homecoming, it was so sweet and realistic and the two of them were just so loving towards each other it made my heart melt. I loved the gift-giving episode, it was really realist and so believable, that's exactly how my family acts at Christmas, haha!

And then at the end when they were just walking together, I think you really showed us how much they loved each other there, without needing words at all, it was just so sweet.

All in all I really enjoyed reading this, it was a lovely little oneshot and I'm glad I had the chance to read it. Congrats on getting an entry into the Duel and good luck!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I had fun writing this story. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. I'll definitely be writing more stories using these characters. :)

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #5, by MissesWeasley123 A Christmas Wish

27th December 2013:
Hi, I'm sorry I'm late with that review I offered! And Christmas is over too! :( I hope you had a great day though!

I really enjoyed the way you started off. It immediately grabbed my attention, and I needed to know who she was talking about. It was a very clever hook.

When Richard came home.. that was amazing. Really beautiful. I suppose it's like RL, when soldiers come home and we see the reactions of their family on video, and you managed to create that visual with your own words. To me, that's pretty magical.

There were a lot of original characters in this, which made it a bit difficult to follow and sympathize with, but I assume they all represented the families of soldiers we see every day. I understood that, and by the end of the piece I had enough information to... connect to them, if only a bit. It's always tough writing OCs, but you did a good job.

Anyways, this piece was nice and sweet. Good luck in the Duel!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I'm sorry about the delay in responding. I rarely get double digit reviews and it was bringing a smile to my face every time I saw it. :) I did have a good Christmas, thank you. I hope you also had a great Christmas.

I'm still working on the characters and am looking to include more information on them in the story.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #6, by momotwins A Christmas Wish

25th December 2013:
I really like your writing style here. It's very in tone with how JKR writes the Potterverse. Starting out with the Muggles, and then to the wizarding family, it feels like the beginning of Sorcerer's Stone. I dig it :) I always love to see American wizards, too. It's like wizarding anthropology. The wizard Christmas decor sounds really fun, I love it. Also I totally want to study Egyptian Potions and Medieval Charm Crafting. Very cute story, I liked the characters and how you gave it a different but still familiar feel to the British wizard world. Merry Christmas!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I've been wanting to write about a family of American wizards/witches for some time. I'm looking forward to writing more stories with these characters. :)

Those would be interesting subjects to take. :)

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #7, by Secret Santa ;) A Christmas Wish

25th December 2013:
Ho ho ho!

This was a super cute piece. It started off a little strange, what with the narration focused on muggles, but I think that really helped the introduction.

Your characters seem really true to form and I really liked the male muggle. That said, I think a little more detail on what a masters does would make the characters that much more... Realistic? It seems stiff that she wants her four-year certificate when we don't know what that will give her. Just a small sentence explaining how that would help a wizard would be cool (even though I suspect it's kind of like a masters in the muggle world, it might be better).

The premise of the story was really cool and it was so sad before Richard came home, but it was a beautiful sad, so kudos to you! And the moment he came home was beautiful too.

I would have liked to have had a little bit more detail about the watch, just maybe a few sentences describing it. And maybe a paragraph outlining the different gifts the family got one another. BUT! I did really like the gift that Maggie (oops!) gave to Richard. That seems super cool and really imaginative. Like something your dear old Santa would think of! ;)

And the ending was really sweet! I think Richard and Margaret are super cute together!

The only CC I really have is that the dialogue seems really stiff and eloquent when it really shouldn't be in that setting unless they were super rich or had royal blood. But that can easily be corrected with a few contractions and replacing words with simpler ones.

Overall, I really loved this. I'm excited to be your Secret Santa and be able to read and review some of your other stories! If they're all as good as this, then I was given the best Secret Santa task *ever*! Great job!

Secret Santa!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

Yes, the certificates are based on the Associates, Bachelor's, Masters and Doctorate degrees. :) I'm still debating with myself about how to present it.

I'll work on adding more descriptions on all the different gifts.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #8, by DracoFerret11 A Christmas Wish

20th December 2013:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums! I decided to read and review all of the Writer's Duel entries! :D So, let's go over things:

Plot: This was an interesting take on the prompt! It was an interesting choice to use American OCs. I don't know if I've ever read a story about American wizards before. I liked that you told some of the story through the eyes of the Muggle neighbors. Great choice.

Characterization: So, it was a little difficult for me to get a feel for the different characters. I wasn't quite sure how old anyone was supposed to be or anything like that. I think the one-chapter format is probably the reason that that was difficult to expand upon, but maybe there's a way you could give readers a better idea of these characters.

Descriptions: Here's where I think things really struggled in this story. You did a GREAT job describing the decorations on the house, but when it came to the characters, I couldn't envision anything. I wasn't sure how anyone looked or sounded, etc., so it was hard for me to really experience the story in the way that I think you wanted readers to.

Emotions: I loved the moment when the Muggles were fighting over their neighbors poor decorating timing. That was really funny! And when Margaret wished on her star. Really charming. :) When Richard arrived, I was so happy for Margaret, but his entrance was so sudden that I almost had to do a double-take to understand what was happening. His explanation of going to Britain was also a little confusing, but the reunion was good, nonetheless.

Interactions: Something I might have missed was how long Richard has been away. That might have helped me to view their reunion in a different light. As is, they had a cute relationship, but if he's been away for a long time, I think there would have been a lot more drama involved with his return. I can imagine screaming, or having to sit down, crying, etc. This would be a huge moment for the both of them.

Okay, so I hope I wasn't too harsh! I think you really do have a great basis, but some polishing would help to really bring this story to life. Some of your elements were really, really good. Keep up the good work and good luck in the Duel!


Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I'm so sorry for the delay in responding. I don't often get double digit reviews and I've spent the last month looking at the number and smiling. :)

I'll go back through the story and fix what you pointed out about the character descriptions and Richard's appearance as well as his references to Britain.

Richard has been away since April of that year when the other governments saw that Britain might need their help even if they had to wait to be invited in. After the Battle of Hogwarts, Richard went over to help catch the Death Eaters and those working for them.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #9, by Lululuna A Christmas Wish

20th December 2013:
Hi there! :) Wow, I love how original this story is and how you opened it with the muggle neighbours' opinions on the family. It was very JKR-ish and Mrs. Ferris reminded me a lot of the Dursleys. :P

The descriptions of American wizards and how their culture might be similar and different from the UK was really interesting, and I enjoyed how the war with Voldy still affected families like the Halvards and how much they knew about it. It was interesting seeing how Harry etc. would have been seen as heroes from the American perspective as well. I really loved the descriptions of how their house was decorated and how they hid magic from the neighbours- it was so intricate and vivid and I enjoyed imagining how different the house was from all the Muggle houses. :)

Richard and Margaret were both great characters and I enjoyed all the details about their little gifts and the wizarding clock. Hearing a little about his experiences was fascinating and hinted at so much more which could be said, and I had enjoyed imagining how many more details about their lives are just lurking beyond reach! :) Very well done, and good luck in the competition! :D

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

First let me apologize for responding so late! It's very rare that I get so many reviews and it was difficult to reply. :)

I am working on a story that will feature Richard and Margaret as they have to deal with, well, that's not quite defined, but it will be nearly as bad if not as bad as Voldemort.

I think I'm going to start planning out Richard's adventures in England as another novel. Thank you for the suggestion!

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #10, by teh tarik A Christmas Wish

20th December 2013:
Hello! This is the first Writers' Duel entry I've read for this prompt, which is a lovely change from all the kissing under the mistletoe, and aww, such a sweet, happy story! I thought this was beautifully written, with lots of lovely details, and you've definitely created that wonderful Christmassy atmosphere of family and home decoration and companionship.

I love that you've used a family of OCs in this fic! At first, I thought the whole thing was going to be about the OCs in America with little connection to wizarding Britain, but then Richard showed up with his tales of the Battle of Hogwarts and the aftermath of Voldemort's reign, which provided some good ties to the events of canon, and it certainly gave a bit of context to your fic.

I think my favourite part of your fic would be where you described how the Halvards had decorated their house with the icicles and the bulbs in the bushes and the sparkly tinsel and ribbons on their Christmas tree. I love the details, definitely very fitting for a festive fic!

The reunion between Richard and Margaret was lovely. Pretty much adored how fluffy the ending was.

Another thing which I found really unique about this fic is how it opened from the POV of some Muggles, the Ferrises. It really was interesting seeing things from their perspective, how judgemental that Muggle family is (at least Mrs Ferris), how disapproving they are of their neighbours.

The one thing I wasn't too sure about this story was the part about the American Ministry of Magic in the early part of the second section of the story. While it was really interesting to see how that Ministry operated and the law and all, it did feel a bit extraneous to the story; there was also a lot of information, and while it was interesting reading about the fines and illegal weather manipulation, that part did break the story flow for a wee bit too long. It's great world-building, but I do feel you could perhaps have shortened that part a little, or perhaps broken up the informtion into smaller pieces and scattered them throughout the story.

Anyway, you need not take me up on this suggestion! :P Feel free to disagree with me; you probably know your story best.

I really enjoyed this oneshot! It's a wonderful Christmas fic! Best of luck in the Writers' Duel.


Author's Response: Thank you very much!

First, let me apologize for not responding sooner. It's not very often that I have so many reviews and it was difficult to reply. :)

I've been wanting to write a story using a family of American wizards for awhile and this was the perfect opportunity to introduce them!

I will admit that I had difficulty placing the American Ministry of Magic part and will look into revising it so the story flows better.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #11, by MargaretLane A Christmas Wish

16th December 2013:
*grins at the American Minister of Magic addressing the magical community* Our Taoiseach (equivalent of a Prime Minister) addressed the nation on TV yesterday, so this is rather coincidental.

And yeah, snow where it's not common doesn't end well. A few years back, we had way more snow than was the norm in Ireland and the country about ground to a halt.

Like the part about Laura not having passed the test to do wandless magic. It adds another dimension and a difference between British and American education, which there is bound to be.

Interesting that he was involved with the Battle of Hogwarts. I wonder why the Americans would have got involved.

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

First let me apologize for not responding sooner. It's not often that I have that many reviews and it was difficult to reply. :)

I've been wanting to write a novel about a family of American wizards and this presented the perfect introduction! So many certifications... :)

Richard wasn't involved with the Battle of Hogwarts itself, but was in America on stand-by as he is a Hit Wizard. I could see the other countries seeing that the crises in Britain was nearly ending and would need help, but they also had to wait to be invited in to help. Hence the long wait for those chosen to help because the countries wanted to know where their people were so as soon as the request came in they could go instead of searching for their Hit Wizards.

I will go back and look again to see if I can make it a little clearer that he went in once Kingsley requested help.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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