Reading Reviews for Hogmanay
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Hogwarts27 Hogmanay

4th February 2015:
Hi StarFeather,

I came to see some of your writing, but not because you left a review on my author page. I really was curious to check out your writing, escpecially since you're trying to write in English, and might appreciate a little feedback. I looked at the first and last posted chapters of each of your novels/novellas and I could definitely notice that your writing has improved, so keep writing. I speak both English and German, but I struggle with German. So I understand how much of a challenge a second language can be. I think a beta could help you express your ideas and learn how to make your writing flow more naturally and more beautifully in English. But keep writing and practicing the language either way.

I looked for something to read that had some nice descriptions in it, after you mentioned on the forums that you enjoy writing descriptions. So I picked this one-shot.

I think this was a charming little story, and I really enjoyed the setting you picked on the Isle of Skye and your description of the holiday night. Even though your phrasing of the English wasn't always perfect, it was good enough for me to enjoy this. I could completely picture the scene in my mind. This lovely Scottish holiday reminded me a lot of Christmas. And I enjoyed the tradition you described about the good luck lump of coal, salt, shortbread. It was also good you that you explained how the tradition was practiced, and its meaning, because otherwise, I would not have known.

The first sentence of your second paragraph is such a beautiful description, but I think the sentence is a little too long, so you might think of dividing it into two shorter sentences. Also I don't know whether pier street is a Scottish word or British word, but if I understand your meaning right, you could also call it a boardwalk. One other little thing in that paragraph - a drunkard sort of means someone who is always drunk, sort of an alcoholic. But if people are just drunk because they're having a lot of fun, you might just call them drunk people, or people drunkenly singing Auld Lang Syne. :)

I also enjoyed the Wierd Sisters, but the legilimancy scene was even better. I would have liked that scene to be even a little longer, because to invade someone's mind even by accident, could be a scene that really draws the reader in if you ever decide to develop it a little more. The legilimancy scene led the reader very nicely to end of the story where Harry wants to express his love by becoming an auror to protect Ginny from all harm. So all in all, nice job with this one-shot! It was a pleasant story that I enjoyed reading. Once again, I applaud you for writing in second language. Keep writing.

Author's Response: Thank you for your warm-hearted and kind review and suggestion. I happned to know there were betas in this site. But I don't know how to request them. I eagerly want to be proofread. I need to ask one of prefects.

The tradition I wrote in this story, I searched Internet a bit. If someone knows this tradition better than me, I'd like to know. When I found the black haired hadsomeman brought luck at New Year's Eve, I pictured the scene Harry and his friends visit Isle of Skye, though I've never visited there. But I heard the place was very beautiful. I have traveled Edinburgh but had no time to go north. I wish I could visit the northern Scotland.

I really respect your way of writing, so I will visit your story site more often and leave review. The legilimancy is written in my third novel, this one-shot was just a fragment of them but your idea makes me write more about Harry's legilimens.

Thank you for your words of encouragement!



 Report Review

Review #2, by TidalDragon Hogmanay

1st February 2015:
Howdy! Just dropping by to tag you from the review thread in the CR. Normally, I'd tackle something longer, but alas, my request thread is incredibly backed up so I stuck with this one this time around.

I'll confess that I don't know a whole lot about the event Hogmanay. You conveyed through this story that it's obviously cause for some kind of celebration and I thought the way you got across one of the parts of that tradition about who should arrive first through dialogue was well-done. I also thought the characterization of Ron was a positive for your story, as it captured the increased maturity he probably would have had at this point in time.

As far as other aspects, I have to say I don't see Harry ever using (since he's not that good at that type of magic per OOTP) or attempting to use legilimency, especially on Ginny. It's a violation of trust of the worst kind and given Ginny's history with mental violations via the diary, would be unforgivable.

Mechanically, I'd just focus on trying to lengthen things out so you can show rather than tell us as much, especially in the second half, which read a lot more literally.

I think exploring this tradition is a neat idea though and it would be interesting to learn more about it!

Thanks for sharing!

Author's Response: Awrite! Thank you for your quick and encouraging comments.

Yes, I did some research for this one shot and blended with J.K.Rowling's magical world.
So I'm glad to know you enjoyed the story.

In my story to master Legilimens had been the task Harry had to accomplish.

In this story there is a kind of barrier between Harry and Ginny, so when readers read this, they may feel frustration. It's hard to set up twists and turns. I sometimes try to write fluff but in the end I suddenly want to make curves and turns in my story. It's my nature, way of writing. Maybe next one-shot,I will try fluffier one.

Thank you for stopping by, TidalDragon. I will also explore druidic folklore soon.


 Report Review

Review #3, by patronus_charm Hogmanay

30th December 2013:
Hey there! Here for the 12 days of reviewing challenge over at the forums!

Ah, I loved this one-shot! It was just so wonderfully Scottish it made me want to be proud of my Scottish great-grandad everyone seems to forget. Gah, and the Isle of Skye is another place I really love. It was just so lovely and yeah.

The blend of magical things such as the Firewhiskey and then the Weird Sisters also being there was really great because then there were thing such as Auld Lang Syne which was wonderfully Muggle and it all worked really well together which is a little odd because usually there tends to be a little friction between such rival things.

Ron and Harry’s conversation was so natural and normal it was so cute. Haha, it just made me laugh that after all this time (must resist saying always), Ron finally accepts that Harry and Ginny are going to be together and even gives them dating advice which actually sounds useful given that it is from him.

The ending was really great and fitting with the sign of hope with the fireworks and Harry and Ginny being happy again. I don’t tend to ship them at all, but here I was all for them and had pompoms cheering and all that jazz.

One small thing, you had a really big paragraph at one point which meant reading it was rather tricky as my concentration kept on going. If you perhaps broke it up, this one-shot would be golden!

Thanks for the read!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello,patronus charm,
thank you for your review!

I also would like to visit the Isle of Skye someday. I have seen the beautiful winter pictures of the Isle of Skye, were really,magically wonderful.

I am glad to know you enjoyed the conversation between Ron and Harry. I love Harry/Ron/Hermione trio ship,too.

Speaking of Ginny/Harry ship I will describe more in my novel"Harry Potter and the Broomstick Makers" chapter 4.

And yes, as you say, I need to work more in this one-shot,too. Thank you for your brilliant review and your support!

May the magic and the wonder of the holiday season stay with you throughout the coming year!


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login