Reading Reviews for Under the Mistletoe
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TreacleTart Under the Mistletoe

18th April 2015:
Hello again!

I'm here with another of the reviews you earned from my Not So Evil Villain Challenge!

First and foremost, let me gush over the fact that you actually took time to describe the food they were eating at the feast! I am so excited about this. I work as a chef, so food is super important to me and pretty much anytime anyone mentions a feast it's basically just to list off the food. You actually talked about the texture of it and the smell! I could really envision the meal. My mouth was watering as I read it!

Now on to the actual story! Matilda reminds me a bit of Eloise Midgen. She had acne and braces and wasn't exactly the typical pretty girl, so her confidence isn't exactly that high. Now we find out that she's grown up and started to grow into her body a bit. Hopefully, her self image will improve with it.

I will say that I was a bit insulted by Ethan's compliment of her. I don't know if this was intentional or not, but it sounded like he thought she was hideous before, but now she's pretty so he wants her. I personally have known guys like that, who are only interested in a girls looks and I find it pretty infuriating.

I am happy that Matilda is excited about kissing Ethan. I just hope he's not playing some sort of trick on her. I hope he turns out to be a decent guy. It seems like she deserves some happiness.

I noticed a few typos...
Nan thought I was a boy name Matthew- named Matthew

she was always getting my boy things getting ME boy things

made a complete of myself in front of. complete FOOL of myself

All in all, a nice, sweet start to the story! Good work!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: I did try to make Matilda out to be someone who wasn't very pretty when she was younger, and I did try to make Ethan out to be one of those boys, because he was used to the attention of any girl he wanted, as shown by the two girls who were also staying at Hogwarts. The fact that she was so excited was because she wasn't used to this sort of attention-especially from someone who is known as the school 'hottie'.
As for the typos, as I recall correctly, I wrote this story when I was tired and could not be bothered to go back and re-read it.

Nina


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Review #2, by BookDinosaur Under the Mistletoe

31st December 2013:
Hello! I'm here for the Fifth of the Twelve Days of Reviewing Challenge over at the forums. :)

I really enjoyed reading this little oneshot, I found it really interesting that your story was made up almost completely of OCs and the only mention to JK's world was Hogwarts and a sentence or two that told us about the Golden trio and the Weasley brothers, but this was almost all made up of OCs.

I really liked Mathilda's humiliation from Third Year, that poem is much better tha what I could make up at thirteen and what Snape did to her was just so Snape and so in canon I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Snape is so awful to kids, you have to wonder what made him so bitter.

I really liked those couple of sentences you used to link us back to the Golden Trio and the Weasleys, like how Mathilda was just watching the enchanted snowballs bounce on Qurrell's head over and over, or how she was at the station and saw the Trio there as well, with the two boys saying goodbye to Hermione. It kept us grounded and helped to establish a time and atmosphere for the story, which was good.

I liked your characterisation of Mathilda as well, although if anything I would have liked a bit more of her backstory - why do her grandparents dislike her? Why does she like Ethan, apart from his looks? Why is she such an antusocial person overall? It just would have been nice to know some her reasons for acting like she does.

Also, I'm sorry but I feel like the ending is a little rushed for my taste. This is probably just me being fussy, but I didn't really see anything that showed Ethan liked her. I mean sure there was that Valentine but overall on Christmas they spent one day together, had some fun together, and then they decide to make out? It doesn't seem right. But that's probably just me. :)

All in all, I enjoyed reading this oneshot and I'm glad I had the chance to. Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. The one-shot was really to give me something to do during my free period at school, and I carried on in the evening, so I didn't spend as long on it as I normally would. I will probably come back and develop the story a bit more later when I finish my current story-Love? Or Hate?-so I will hopefully answer your questions then.
Thanks again for the review, as I love hearing ways in which I could improve my writing. :)


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