Reading Reviews for Hermione as a Black
  
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Iellwen Going Home

8th January 2014:
Hi there!

I was reading around when I noticed you hadn't gotten any feedback on this story yet even though it's original and intriguing so... Here's what I thought :)

It's quite interesting to go completely out of character and remodel the HP people to your story and this story has potential.
But raises so many questions with just one chapter, like:

What happened exactly that made the 3 girls change schools and everything?

Is the helicopter they fly in 50 times bigger than a normal through magic or it man-made?
And the I-pods... Why did they bother bringing them to Hogwarts anyway? Are they magically enhanced and hence still function of Hogwarts grounds even with the magical protection and spells etc?

You might want to introduce Emmet into the story before his first line - even if it's only a "that guy sat there" thing.
Same goes for Mrs. Stevens.
It was a bit confusing to have people I didn't know were there talk all of the sudden. (Maybe that's just me though...)

And you need to introduce that Salem school a bit too.
Is it a magical school (I guess so with Hermione, Ginny and Luna going there. Super combo by the way, I'm looking forward to more about them!^^) or a muggle school (with the chopper and the Ipods) or a bit of both?
And what's Salem's relation to Hogwarts in the first place. (Cool name for a school for witches and wizards though^^)

The dialogs were maybe a bit weird at some point, giving the reader information that would be better received through narration maybe.

But I'm sitting here, wondering what kind of adventure you're going to take me on and there's no second chapter so... Chop chop, update soon! :)

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