Reading Reviews for A Melancholy Melody
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MadiMalfoy Cold Shoulder

18th January 2014:
Hello there! MadiMalfoy here with your long-ago requested review! :)

You were mainly worried about plot and characterization, so I'll go into depth about both of them!

First of all, I love your OC Allie! You've given her so much personality and depth already in such a short time span, and that's difficult to do. I like the letter at the beginning and then the connection back to it at the end, creating a great cyclic chapter. At first, I was apprehensive of James II's character, but you've made me think twice about him! You gave him two sides to his personality, and I like that. It makes sense as to why he'd act the way he does.

Even though this is only the first chapter, you've already introduced some deep-rooted conflict and I can't wait to see how it plays out! The fact that Allie had an almost-fiance but then it ended gives me the suspicion that he may or may not make an appearance in the future with some girl hanging on his arm with a ring on her finger too. I'm very curious to see how James' relationship with Chelsea goes and also how the friendship Allie has with Albus could possibly affect her and James' relationship. As a whole, a wonderful start to this next gen! Come back any time you'd like. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Oh thank you so much! You have no idea how this made my day. At first, I was kinda worried this wouldn't work since I don't really read next gen fics, but I'm glad you think so!

Thank you for reviewing! I'll definitely re-request when I'm done with chapter 2 :D


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Review #2, by luciusobsessed Cold Shoulder

17th January 2014:
I love Allie! She has so many qualities that I can relate to and it that makes it easier for me to sympathize with her. I'm really excited about the plot development of this story. I like the fact that James and Allie are in separate houses and so they're not around each other all the time, which is usually the case in real life relationships I believe. I love this, keep it up and I'm looking forward to the next chapter xoxo luciusobsessed

Author's Response: Awe, thank you so much for the review! :'D I'm still working on the next chapter. Hopefully it' ll be done soon!

xx,
Anissa


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Review #3, by ReeBee Cold Shoulder

26th December 2013:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review! I'm so sorry! It usually doesn't take me this long, but reality got in the way. Anyway, I'm here, so do forgive me.

This is a good start you've got :) The characterisation is quite clear and we can already see what type of a character Allie is. The only thing that I would recommend is maybe not stating the personality characteristics out so clearly?? Just small hints at how she used to be, instead of stating the before and after? That's all I've got on that.

Omg, I've got to tell u this! Your characters- I have the exact same names! I've got two one shots with the main character named Chelsea paired with James II and another novella with the character, Allie paired with James II. Of course, I'm not sure which Potter she's paired with here :)

Anyway, flow was quite good :) Nothing too jutted or stilted. The plot itself seemed to be going somewhere. And you've introduced the plot well- not too drastically :) so good job!

The description was also well done. But, it could be added in a bit more. Just small single sentences here and there to maintain scenery and make sure the plot is going steadily. This could especially be used right at the end, just before Allie runs off? This would smoothen the flow there :)

But, all in all, well done! Awesome start! Please feel free to rerequest. And I apologise again for the lateness of the review! :)

-ReeBee :)

Author's Response: Hey! That's alright :-)
Omg, I just checked out your story and you're right! LOL that's kinda funny. About Allie's pairing... it's a surprise, you'll see ;)
Thank you so much for the feedback! Glad to know it's not that bad lol. I'll re-request for sure. :D

-Anissa


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Review #4, by MidnightBlue_x Cold Shoulder

22nd December 2013:
Hi, this is ElysiumJayne from the forums here to fulfill your request for you. I'm not usually a big Next Gen fan either and I'm also writing one currently, so I understand the difficulties you might be facing.

I already like Allie as a character- she was not at all what I was expecting. I think I've sort of come to expect crazy OC's when it comes to Next Gen in particular, so Allie really was a breath of fresh air for me. I liked hearing about her backstory- even though there was obviously the whole thing with Ethan, I feel like there's more to why Allie is so against love. Maybe, there isn't but either way, I'm excited to read more about it.

I loved your characterisation of Albus- he sort of reminds me of like a cute little brother (if brothers can be cute). I'm really excited to see more of James. It seems like you've written him more of a sweet sort of guy rather than the cocky attitude that people usually give him. I think it'll be interesting to see some real interaction between James and Allie.

I really like your writing style- I think that you aren't trying too hard, and it makes the whole chapter flow really nicely. I can't wait to see where you're going with the story!

I hope this review helped in some way and please feel free to re-request.

x Ely

Author's Response: Hi! Glad to know you found Allie likeable :) Actually, there's more, but that will be revealed on later chapters. And don't you worry, they'll interact in the next chapter, yay! :)

Thank you so much for your nice review! It really motivates me to keep writing! I'll be sure to re-request when the next chapter is posted! :D


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Review #5, by LightLeviosa5443 Cold Shoulder

16th December 2013:
Hi! Thanks for the request in my thread!

So I read the description for this story and was SO excited to read it. I'm happy to say I was most definitely not disappointed. I loved this story and the way you started it was a really brilliant idea.

When I started the story I had this idea that she would start off heartbroken and then fall in love with James at some point, I'm so pleased to see that that wasn't the case. It was different and a twist and so... perfect.

I really love the way you've written the main character and how she used to be cheerful and she's not. I don't have any criticism. I've re-read this chapter 3 times and all I have to say is wonderful! I can't wait to read more!

xoxo LL

Author's Response: Oh my gosh, thank you so much for your kind words! I'm really glad you're pleased with this story so far :') Anyways, I really appreciate it! I'm working on the next chapter and let me tell you things will get messier :P xx

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Review #6, by Cannons Cold Shoulder

16th December 2013:
Hey, I'm here with your requested review!

There were a few typo's/grammar problems that I noticed so I would recommend requesting a 'quick beta' over at the forums, because they are really helpful.



I didn't find anything massively wrong it just didn't flow as well as it could have.

Aside from that you have set up an interesting first chapter, I have never read about a next gen character from Slytherin so I found that particularly interesting. Also you put Albus in Slytherin which will be good for the plot.

I feel that if you wanted to improve your story you could add some more description throughout, the more description there is the more fun to read it is for the reader. ( as long as it's not over the top. )For instance I don't know what 'Allie' looks like at all yet and I like to have a picture in my head.

Oh, the major question I had was this - 'Ethan was a fresh Hogwarts graduate' - to me,this seems like your saying that he's finished Hogwarts and going out with a fourth year? I don't know I totally didn't get that :P

Overall you have a lot of good things in here which I will enjoy seeing expanded in the following chapters. Feel free to re-request.

Cannons

Author's Response: oh yes, I actually plan to find a beta after I'm done with all the chapters :D but thank you for noticing me! I'll try to give more Allie's description and so on for the next chapter. Yes, Ethan was about two/three years ahead of Allie and started dating her when he graduated. Ethan was a player after all and not living at Hogwarts anymore definitely gave him an advantage. That way, Allie wouldn't notice that he actually cheated on her when they were away. I hope I make sense :P

Anyway, thank you so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it! :D


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Review #7, by xTimexTurnerx Cold Shoulder

14th December 2013:
Hello there!
Ms. Lizzie from the forums here!
First, just a quick couple typos I caught:
1. "But no, she didn't want." I think you meant: But no, she didn't want to.
2. "What's this?" Cleo asked when Ethan gave her a small red box as her sixteenth birthday present." Cleo? Not sure if you changed your OC's name while writing, but I think you meant to say Allie.
3. "Oh mann, she was so nosy and annoying." versus "Oh man."

On to the more abstract!
I'm interested in your main character and how she came to befriending Albus and Scorpius, I know you go into depth about her recent James friendship, but I'm interested to see that back story!
I like her personality and that you didn't start with physical descriptions but rather traits, I always enjoy that. That being said, I feel like I got a LOT of her backstory right away. I feel like the Ethan thing could be revealed a bit more over time to lead to a gradual understanding of Allie rather than all at once.
But I really am enjoying this, and excited to see where you go with it!
xx Lizzie

Author's Response: oh my gosh yes, sorry for the typo! I kinda slipped Allie up with my other OC character :p This is actually kinda embarrassing lol -_-

Anyway, thank you for your review! I really appreciate it. And yes, Ethan will be mentioned again in later chapter :)


-Anissa


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Review #8, by Harry and Ginny Cold Shoulder

9th December 2013:
this fic seems interesting and I can't wait to read more!^_^

10/10

Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: oh wow, thank you so much! x :)

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