2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Iellwen Toward Revival.

9th April 2014:
Hi again! :)

First off, about my previous review: I'm really sorry my words stung - I did indeed choose them poorly. What's the point of criticism if it isn't balanced with constructivism and encouragements?
Even though it was so rash, I did not mean to hurt your feelings in any way in my review for the previous chapter.
We all learn everyday a little more and most of the details I pointed out were pointed out to me themselves by other authors with more experience - it's the circle of reviewing, I guess :D

Second of all, in your previous answer you say you tend to hop from plots to plots, eventually abandoning older projects to focus on newer ones. But doesn't that imply you tend to leave your stories as WIPS?
Over the years, I've noticed many members aiming to be authors give up on their stories if they feel under-appreciated. No reviews, little read counts... Many a story will forever be marked as WIP and not honorably changed to Abandoned because the writer gave up on receiving the heaps of praise he/she was expecting.
So I have to ask - do you write for the eventual readers or do you write for yourself?
No matter the answer, criticism still hurts/annoys one, of course. But still, when you decide and agree with yourself that you had an idea you wanted to see through, you see it through. For yourself.

Thirdly, the forums offer many a possibility. There are wonderful advantages, just waiting to be grasped.
If your writing relies on reviews (I should point out that there is no shame in that at all - feedback is a wonderful motivation) there are many on the forums that offer constructive criticism, characterisation and much, much more.

Finally, to keep this review under a reasonable length:
I've never been to Egypt and all I can picture are dunes of sands covering brown-yellow ruins without particular forms. I felt the most enticing aspect of this story was it's setting - the curse of Hamunaptra. Since the geographic setting is so exotic (for me and Harry Potter in general ;) ) you could definitely add some lengthy but detailed descriptions about the gorgeous landscapes, maybe to slow down the interaction a bit :) [Just a thought, though]
I really like the progression of your story, the background you've set and your choice of characters. It's really cool that Harry has Gryffindor's Sword, for example :D

And lastly, about your spacing: it's a pain to get it right most of the time and I'm one of the few that tried out different solutions but still struggle with it ^^
But spacing is important for the readers' eyes and to separate ideas, thoughts, actions and descriptions in easy, breezy ways helping eyes and brain assimilate the words properly.
So, repeating advice I have been given:

It's difficult.

For the reader when.

The eyes have to jump from sentence to sentence.

Here's a little something I found out some time ago; when copy/pasting, little unwanted spaces nest between the lines when you've used 'enter' in word - it helps if you use 'STRG'+'SHIFT'+'ENTER', if you're using Microsoft :)

All I've written in this review, I wrote with love - I hope I will not hurt or shame you this time :)
I would look forward to the third chapter of this story :)



Author's Response: Thank you very much for taking the time to write out another and rather lengthy review.

There's no need to apologize, either! It has just been so rare when someone points out flaws in what I've written, especially on older work like this, that it makes me question why no one else noticed the issues and more importantly why I myself missed them up until they were brought to my attention like you did - and *that* is most of what the sting involved comes from. I get embarrassed by such things *very* easily and my first response is to try and block it out until I can gradually acclimatize.

Regarding WIPs; yeah. I've started more stories than I can count on both hands, and it isn't uncommon for a story to run between six months and a year+ before I settle in and compile the next chapter for it. I never like to use the term "abandoned" however as I still remember the irritation brought on by reading a great story only to have it abandoned by the author some time in(Scorpion's Disciple in the Naruto fandom comes to mind in particular from a few years ago).

I think some part of it is that I do want to hear feedback. I get a snap-idea, jot down a couple thousand or so words, and bam! Published to the net. The only (fanfiction)story I can say I've ever written far enough to be entering the final stages is an unrelated Dresden Files story posted elsewhere, and that has taken me about three and a half years to get to 12-1/2 chapters!

However, the only stories I've ever truly abandoned, I've also deleted. If it is still posted, I *will* update it eventually, and that goes for this old thing as well. It'll be delayed by having to rewrite whole chunks of the first two chapters, but yes.

I'll definitely look into the forums some time soon, so thank you for that recommendation!

I'll also touch up and try to weave more detail into the local and the environment Harry is in. Since I've seen the Mummy movies my mind usually just fills in the background as I'm writing automatically - which doesn't amount to much for a reader that *hasn't* seen the films or been to Egypt, as you said, if I don't expand on that information in the writing.

As for spacing - oh, goodness. I see that point especially. I've tried clustering my paragraphs together, and then I've tried this, breaking everything down so much. Definitely a must-fix.

Again, thank you kindly for your reviews. Constructive criticism like yours is always appreciated in the end, and I felt no pain from what you've written this time around!

Cheers :)

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Review #2, by Iellwen Misguided Searching

8th January 2014:
Hi there!

First, I wanna say I've had your story bookmarked in my browser for a few weeks now and had completely forgotten I wanted to read it until now. :)

Second, you have a few irks here and there like an "a" in italic, I found the "human guise" a bit weird, maybe disguise? etc..
Your commas are all over the place but somehow still not where they "should" be (should is relative and in this context, applied to my preferences).
There are sentences that may need rephrasing since they confuse to reader (me) and disturbed the plot progression right from the beginning. I had to re-read 4 out of 5 sentences to understand entirely what I was reading - maybe that's just me though. I do have my stupid moments.
I just felt there was a LOT of unnecessary information that were a bit of a pain to read and heavily slowed down the progress of the plot. Yes, the read wasn't very fluid (I was searching for that word).
And that's quite a shame since I think the plot in itself sounds really interesting...!

Maybe you could consider applying for a beta-reader (Have a look in the forums - you can also apply for reviews if you're looking for constructive criticism)?

In the meantime I hope you'll update soon since I really liked the idea of linking Harry Potter with Egyptian culture. :)

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I suppose I should give you a quick apology for the delay in response. Yours is an honest critique and, as such things are wont to be, it took me a decent while to get over the sting and embarrassment invoked whenever I saw it.

Now I can read through it again and see your points fairly. I wrote this... good grief, at least two and a half years ago. My grasp of grammar and et all was definitely weaker at the time and I do agree that it needs a lot of overhaul to fix those issues.

I'm afraid work toward the next section has fallen quite low on my agenda. I usually swap between plot bunnies as fresh ideas come and as a result that pushes older stories like this further and further down.

And even if I did start writing for this again in the near future it would almost certainly be toward rewriting the sections already up, to fix what is wrong first.

Thank you for your feedback! As I said, it was painful initially but has helped me step back and see the flaws I needed to see, which no one else to read it over has mentioned.

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