14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by asdfghjkl Uproar

4th April 2014:
This was really good, I love the New Adddition and Wesley's character! He kind of reminds me of what I picture a young Lupin to be like :)

Author's Response: Oh yes, Kristina and Wesley are some of my favorites. I love Lupin, so I'm glad him and Wes have a connection (at least to you). Thank you for the review! :)

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Review #2, by zqad Uproar

4th April 2014:
Hey!
So I caught up on the last few chapters just now so I thought I'd leave a review.
I love the subtle humor and am enjoying the gradual build up of the plot and character development. Oh and I loved the idea of Burrow 2.0!
I'll be waiting for an update..

Author's Response: I'm guessing you reviewed twice on accident. In that case, double the thanks! ;)

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Review #3, by zqad Uproar

4th April 2014:
Hey!
So I caught up on the last few chapters just now so I thought I'd leave a review.
I love the subtle humor and am enjoying the gradual build up of the plot and character development. Oh and I loved the idea of Burrow 2.0!
I'll be waiting for an update..

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you enjoy the humor. A lot of my humor is rooted in commentary and sarcasm, so trying to convey that through third person is a bit difficult.

I'll try to update as soon as possible! Again, thank you for reviewing! :)


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Review #4, by ShadowRose The Dinner

17th February 2014:
Well, I definitely have issues with time management. It's been like a week... again. Oops.

I think Rosemary's behaviour around her stepfather is definitely a testament to her character - she doesn't like to let people in easily, which is something that fits with what you've already shown of personality. I like, however, that you don't make him an "evil" step-dad, rather, just a stepfather than Rosemary dislikes - it's a much more realistic approach to writing a stepparent, and I think a lot of people can relate to that feeling. It makes me laugh that she calls him by his first name - I do that with my father all the time just because I know he hates being called by his full name (and with a name like Lawrence, I understand why, haha).

Pearl definitely seems like one of those slightly-obnoxious young teenagers, so I sort-of sympathise with Rosemary's frustration with her. Especially considering she abandons Rosemary to watch Garrett alone (even if it does mean Rosemary gets to use the owl). Quick little thing while I'm at it, in the phrase "Rosemary couldn't care less about a few teenagers being stupid. However, he did care about the whereabouts of the family owl." - shouldn't that be a "she" instead of a "he"? Also, Garrett's adorable. I love the "when can I write letters?" especially considering he hasn't even learned to write yet. :P

Okay, this is really weird and random, but for some reason, Mary Fawley makes me think of Effie Trinket. She has the enthusiastic mannerisms, as well as the love for all things fancy (as seen by the location and grandeur of the dinner), so somehow my mind created that connection.

Wow, Rosemary's showing her Slytherin side! Sneaky of her to mention Luca's imaginary drug addiction to Brit - that way she's already planted the seeds to kick him off the team when they get back to Hogwarts. How devious... I like it.

Aw, I like Dominique. Her speech on how Quidditch isn't everything was really great, and she just seems like a pretty great character. I do hope we get to see a little more of her as the story progresses!

James and Rosemary's interaction was... awkward, to say the least. I think that's good though - after what happened at the joke shop I can't imagine it not being that way. The comment at the very end "we're not on a first-name only level, Potter" was pretty funny too. And the "I'm also sorry for kind-of insulting your basic reading and writing skills."

I like that Rosemary's friends with Al though, but I can't help but wonder, how does James feel, knowing his little brother is friends with the enemy? It's good that Rosemary is getting other people on board with her little scheme - let's just hope this one doesn't backfire the way Nott's did. :P

Overall, another awesome chapter! I would say I'll be onto the next one ASAP, but I'm so bad at reviewing reguarly that it'll probably be another week. Oops.

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I really love that you're pointing out my typos, because I have such a hard time getting those. :P Anyways, you'll definitely see more of Dominique in later chapters; she's one of my favorite characters to write, and some of her story line plays into this fic. As for Albus being friends with Rosemary, James doesn't like it that much, but it's never really bothered him. That'll definitely change later on though! Again, thanks for reviewing! :)

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Review #5, by ShadowRose Conversational

5th February 2014:
I don't know about you, but a week was not exactly what I had in mind when I said "ASAP" at the end of that last review... So sorry it took me ages to come back and review this chapter - my life's just been crazy!

Anyways, I really like that you've changed point-of-view here. I think it's definitely a very interesting thing - to change the speaker of the story - but it definitely adds depth to the story, because you have different storylines developing with each character. I like hearing from James's point-of-view, he's an interesting character!

Just real quick, I noticed that you said "should'nt have anything to Rosemary about Nott." Should that be "shouldn't have said"?

Haha, I love that Lily and Al team up against James - classic sibling behaviour.

It seems like Farley Porter is a recurring character so far... will that continue? He seems like one of those really sketchy politicians, and I love that kind of stuff - I'm not a political science major for nothing. :) it's kind of fun to hear about his activities within all of the other teenage drama going on. Also, "trio of demons" made me start cackling - that's a great description.

I like that Fred's taking Rosemary's side - goodness knows she needs someone on her side, especially given what James said to her.

Garfunkel is a fantastic name for a cat. I think it's funny that Lily's still in ballet despite hating it - and she's so sassy in this chapter. It's perfect.

Ooh, Mrs. Benson's there! Well, it's good that Ginny knows the truth, although I definitely think James is justified in trying to get away from his angry mother - I can't imagine that she'd be fun to be around at that point. Well, it's nice that they have to apologise - that definitely seems like a punishment that their moms would give to them. And he has to see her at the Quidditch Dinner too, yay! I'm hoping that'll lead to some drama. :)

I like the interaction between James and Al as well - they definitely pick on each other, but they're still brothers nonetheless. I can definitely see how they're similar yet different all at once. I can't wait to see the outcome of this bet they've made too.

I love that you've exposed their characters slowly - you do a great combination of describing them and letting their actions speak for them, that I definitely already have a good idea what all of them are like.

Overall, this was another really awesome chapter, and I can't wait to read the next one! (I swear, it'll take less than a week this time) :)

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you're liking the story so far. :)

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Review #6, by navyfail The Dinner

2nd February 2014:
And apologies are exchanged and some of the Quidditch players are met. I love how you described Fawley. She is... interesting in a different way.

Rosemary is quite straightforward with her stepdad. I kind of get why she avoids him but he seems nice if you get to know him. I feel like she doesn't let anyone in which is kind of saddening. :(

Oh, she is clever! Mentioning to Brit and her mom about Luca's additction (which he doesn't have) is smart, very smart. I see why she is trying to get Luca and Corvac off of the team but she would be short a lot of players. I guess we'll see how that turns out later on. :)

I kind of want to know how James feels about his brother and enemy being friends. Is he okay with it? And his letter was quite short. I'm guessing Rosemary's was just as short, maybe even shorter.

Lovely chapter!! :D
I hope you keep on writing. You have a lot of talent and I can't wait to see how this story ends up.

~Sama
P.S. Sorry for taking so long to review this chapter. I guess it took some time to get my thoughts together, you know?

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I can't wait to post the chapter where Rosemary's plans really start working, because those will be so fun to see people's reactions. She's quite devious, but I guess that's what comes with being a Slytherin. :P Again, thank you!! And yes, I completely understand about wanting to get thoughts together, I do it all the time. :)

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Review #7, by navyfail Conversational

31st January 2014:
Oh, yay! A point of view switch!

First few paragraphs and James and I already have a similarity: our love of chocolate, dark chocolate specifically.

And James does get in trouble. Cute how Albus and Lily kind of teamed up on him. That's how it is when there are three siblings: to take one down the other two have to gang up together. Psshhh, not that I would know of anything to do with that though... hehe.

Hmm.. Porter's mentioned again. He really isn't a good guy, is he? Will he be mentioned throughout the story or is it just in the beginning. The mentioning of what Porter did to the Aurors was a nice addition. I like how you also focus on what is happening around the main character, not just what it is happening to the character. :)

Omg, Harry's comments on his kids: "Mr. Potter buried his head in his hands and wondered what happened to his kids during childhood." and "They're a trio of demons, that's what they are. Can't believe James was punched today." Very giggle worthy. :)

James isn't really the smartest but I do feel that there is more to him somewhere in there. And the last scene was cute with the bromance and all.

Great second chapter! Can't wait to read the third.

~Sama
P.S. Oh and I did come across something:
"Looking back on it, maybe James' shouldn't have anything about Nott to Rosemary." I think it's supposed to be 'shouldn't have said'?

Author's Response: Ah yes, the beginning of the POV switching. Might prove to be troublesome at times but oh well!

Porter will come up in some later chapters, but his tie in to the story will come way later on. He's not a good guy, no, very manipulative but knows what he's doing. I've already decided he's a Ravenclaw, but definitely one of the more ambitious Claws.

This chapter was basically an excuse for me to cram in James' relationship with his siblings, because I love it. Al and James are kind of bros, but those competitive bros that will see which one will jump off the cliff first, you know?

Oh, thank you for pointing the missing word out! I was going over the chapter, and I noticed I missed the 'said', but when I went back I couldn't find it.

Thank you for the review!


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Review #8, by navyfail Break Your Bones

31st January 2014:
Hello! Honestly when I read your uhh-amazing reviews on my story I got curious if you had anything published on this site. My curiosity landed my in your authors page and now here.

Reading you authors note at the beginning I got quite excited since stalking is always interesting, bad ideas are must-haves and Quidditch is something I like reading since I, myself, can't write it.

I really like the first few paragraphs. The contrasting of the two main characters is very effective. And when I read that Rosemary is ambitious and cunning... I was like 'oh, I smell a Slytherin, yes!'

Oh my, your ability with words is truly amazing!! I love your descriptions and how you set the mood. Honestly, I'm just... wow. Her half-brother sounds adorable too!

Pearl and Rosemary's mother are different from Rosemary. Not just in looks, but definitely in personality too. I kind of wonder what makes Rosemary be so bitter and straight forward. Is there a story behind her and the way she is?

And she punches James... I have to kind of give her a thumbs up for the execution of it but it wasn't that of a smart choice since she got in trouble for it later. But once again lovely right hook! ;)

Great first chapter! And last but not least, I have to praise you for writing third person so well. I'm not very good at writing from that point of view so I find it cool when other authors can pull it off so terrifically.

10/10!
~Sama

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review! And about Rosemary's mum... there's not a specific story, just the general animosity that Rosemary has towards people that aren't like herself. She's very close-minded in that if she doesn't "approve of" or "agree" with a person's personality, then she doesn't like them. As you can already tell, she's like this with James, Pearl, etc. etc.

I honestly can't write in anything other than third person. I love reading first person, because it's so much easier to see the character's thoughts, but I can't compel myself to write in it. I look at it and say, "That's a lot of I's." One day I'd like to write a fic in first person, but that'll be some day off in the future. :P

Once again, thank you for the review!


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Review #9, by ShadowRose Break Your Bones

29th January 2014:
So I was just wandering aimlessly around the archives and I ran into this story... and boy am I glad I did! (I have to admit, I was also pulled in by the use of the word "bildungsroman," because despite having used that word frequently in literature classes, I've never seen it used outside of that... so that was pretty cool) :)

I love that you start off with a brief character introduction - it allows us to already sort of understand both Rosemary and James slightly before the chapter even starts, which is just great. It's also really poetically written, which is just altogether awesome. I like that you end it with the "sticks and stones may break your bones" line, because it really ties this little introduction in with the rest of the chapter.

I love both Rosemary and James as characters as well. I automatically connected with Rosemary, maybe because I'm an aspiring journalist as well. :) I can definitely see where Rosemary's words and James's actions are their defining features, but it is very interesting to see them switch in the scene at the joke shop. I really like their interactions, and that they actually have a legitimate reason for disliking each other (namely, Quidditch). It makes their interactions interesting, because their banter is actually well-founded. Your other characters, like Pearl and Fred, are interesting too, and I can't wait to get to know them better as the story progresses!

I love the plot you've developed so far as well, with both of them being Quidditch captains for opposing teams and the rivalry that ensues from them being in Slytherin and Gryffindor - given that this story is going to be Quidditch-centric (at least at the start), I'm really excited to see how this unfolds. It's also hilarious that George doesn't even mind that James gets punched in the face - it definitely seems in character for him!

Overall, this was a really great start to a story, and I really can't wait to see how the story progresses! I'll be going onto the next chapter ASAP! :)

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: I'm so happy you liked the chapter! Thank you so much for reviewing! :)

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Review #10, by Zqad Break Your Bones

9th January 2014:
This was just good entertainment :)
You had me at the first two paragraphs. A fan of Jane Austen's perhaps?

Author's Response: Thank you! And actually, I've never read Austen. It makes me feel like a bad person, but I'm slowly working my way through the "classics" and will get to her eventually. :P

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Review #11, by WildSide Conversational

8th January 2014:
This is a great story!
I love their banter/arguing!
:D

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! :)

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Review #12, by Leannadrobisforever Break Your Bones

7th January 2014:
Pretty nice though a little confusing at times

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'll try and make future chapters less confusing. :)

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Review #13, by justbecause000 Break Your Bones

11th December 2013:
Wow I love it! Keep writing, this is great :)

Author's Response: Thank you! Much appreciated! :)

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Review #14, by Cavell Break Your Bones

9th December 2013:
Hi there! I favourited this story a while ago but I decided to leave it a review only now because one, I felt rather sorry for its lack of reviews especially since it's such a /fantastic/ story (but more on that later) and two, I was just in the mood for reviewing. Nevertheless, I would just like to start off with that I love, love, loved the way you started this story! I'm just so used to most stories set in Hogwarts starting on the platform that I was pleasantly surprised when this didn't. Not to mention I really liked the whole character study thing at the very beginning of the chapter -- it really helped pull you in, because you already knew a bit about Rosemary and James before starting, and it just really reminded me of a Lily/James fic (The Life and Times, have you heard of it?) that starts off similarly and that just made me love this whole thing after only a few paragraphs ;p

Speaking of characters, I honestly just adored everyone in this chapter. Rosemary is already shaping up to be a great main character -- she's not so perfect that you think she can't /possibly/ be realistic and at the same time, she has enough flaws to make you love her for it. I'm not entirely sure if that made sense, sorry, just understand that I love her so far xD James, too -- while he was an arrogant prat (to put it lightly!) he was still fun to read, as was his and Rosemary's banter. The whole love-hate thing (lots of emphasis on the latter and barely any on the former -- for now, muahaha!) is so overused but for some reason, their banter was simply /refreshing/ to read because they genuinely disliked each other, and not for totally stupid reasons as is often the case with some fics nowadays.

Lastly, your writing in general was just lovely to read :') It hit the right balance between enough description, natural dialogue and just natural flow in general and oh my gosh, I do love this story so far. I rarely start on a story only one chapter in but I can already tell this will be very, very promising! Can't wait for the next chapter~

--Linn

Author's Response: Oh my goodness, thank you thank you thank you for the review! I love hearing feedback (especially long feedback) and this just made my day. And yeah, I have heard of The Life and Times! It's actually one of my favorite fics, and it's sort of what inspired the little character study at the beginning. I was actually a bit unsure about putting it in there, but your review has now reassured me it's fine.

I'm really happy you like Rosemary. I'm attempting to write her so she's not entirely likable while still being intriguing for readers, but it's really hard. I think I'm going to toughen her up and be the instigator in a couple things, so we'll see how that all works out.

Thank you for the very wonderful review again! I promise a new chapter will be up soon -- or at least after the staff holiday, haven't quite decided yet. :)


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