Reading Reviews for The Perfect Moment
  
12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by moonbaby11 Perfect

22nd November 2014:
I really enjoyed this story. Although I love Next Gen, I don't tend to read a lot of Teddy/Victoire, but I found myself really enjoying this. I thought that the events were very realistic. A fight, a make up, and a proposal all in one night is certainly something that I could imagine a couple doing, especially if they are a couple that has known each other for a long time like you portrayed Teddy and Vic.

As I was reading I noticed quite a few spelling errors (most likely just typos) and there were a couple instances where you switched from past tense to present tense. A few sentences were worded a bit strange as well, although that may just be my opinion on it. I would just recommend that you quickly look the story over and see if you can spot anything like that as it slightly disrupted my flow of reading.

Speaking of the flow, I really enjoyed what you did with the perspectives. I liked being able to see both of the character's thoughts, especially when they would contradict (like at the beginning) or when one knew something that the other did not (like at the end). I thought it was an interesting tactic and it flowed well even though the POV switched rather often throughout the story. Good job on that!

You asked me to focus on the dialogue, and I really enjoyed what you have written. As I said before, it all sounds very realistic, like I am actually viewing a snippet of the lives of a real couple. I like the way that they talk with each other and can joke with each other in a way that shows just how comfortable they are around each other. Although there was not very much dialogue, I thought that what you had was a good amount and added perfectly to the story.

Overall I think the piece might need a quick read through to fix up a few things, but I still really enjoyed the story. It was engaging and the characters were very interesting. I really liked it!

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for this! I agree, there are a few typos. -shakes head- I will definitely read through and edit it when HPFF isn't being annoying.

I'm glad you liked it though and you thought it was realistic. I actually started with the bit where Teddy swears at her and proposes and worked backwards from there so I get what you mean about some sentences sounding off! hihi.

I'm glad the switch in perspectives worked for you! I kept doing it because I like knowing what he and she were thinking. They're just so very interesting, both of them so it was fun.

Anyway, yes, PAST AND PRESENT TENSE. -grumbles- I hate it when I mess it up and I am going to look back and check those as well! Thank you for the review. :glomps:

--Carla


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Review #2, by Unicorn_Charm Perfect

18th November 2014:
Hi there!! Here for our swap! :)

Oh this was just adorable!

It absolutely seemed like a something that could have happened in real life. A couple drinks a bit much, fights and the girl stalks off with the guy chasing behind. I loved the descriptions of Victoire. She sounded like she has her mother's pride and almost arrogance and yet the firey Weasley temper. What a combination that is! Teddy must be a strong individual to deal with a woman like that haha. Although, Teddy is described as strong, almost laid-back. Kind of the ying to her yang. It works.

I really liked the format of this. How it was broken up into sections of Teddy's POV and Vic's POV. I loved being able to read what they were both thinking and how they were both reacting to everything.

I loved how you've written their relationship. They're just so in sync with each other. From the moment Teddy caught up with her, and they both just knew that their fight was over and silly to begin with. How, when they got back to her flat, how their movements even seemed choreographed, as if it's performed daily. It's such a lovely relationship, yet seems so real all in the same.

Poor Teddy! He was so nervous when trying to propose to her! That was written so well. I was feeling anxious for him, yet a bit as impatient as Vic was. I was totally able to feel each of their emotions. And the actual proposal was great! I laughed at him just blurting it out that way and Vic's reaction to it. I was really hoping it ended up that way, and not some overly mushy proposal, because judging by how you've written these characters, it doesn't seem their style.

Overall, I really enjoyed this! It was really well written and jam packed with emotion. It was truly a wonderful one-shot. :) Thanks for the swap! ♥

xoxo Meg

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Review #3, by UnluckyStar57 Perfect

17th December 2013:
Hello! I'm here from the review battle to give you review number ten on this story! :)

This was really cute! I liked how you started off with showing Teddy and Victoire at a moment when they were fighting--after all, as the chapter summary says, "Perfect is boring." I'm so glad that you showed them at a time when they were less-than-perfect, because it made their make up/proposal moment all the more adorable. :D

Nervous Teddy is nervous. Hahaha, but really, he was so fidgety and cute, trying to figure out how to ask Victoire to marry him. It was awesome that his hair kept changing colors. I can imagine that it'll happen a lot at the wedding. ;)

Great one-shot!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: YAY! Thank you soo much for being review number 10... You just made me so happy and so I'm dancing around like an idiot... hehehe.
Anyway, thank you! I'm glad you find it cute.. I always feel so happy writing something cute and am glad when people who read it feel the same...
I guess I just don't like boring myself. When in a relationship I always think that if the guy I was with was always nice and accommodating I might just be bored out of my wits so that's why I wrote it this way.
The proposal is the sort of 'perfect' imperfect proposal. I'm just glad that Teddy felt the absolute need to propose to Vic already so, yeah...
Oh. The hair.. It just wrote itself that way 'cos I can imagine how instead of blushing or what have you it would manifest in his hair.
I'm glad you like it and thanks again for making me hit two digits..

--Carla


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Review #4, by milominderbinder Perfect

14th December 2013:
Hiya! Here from review swap on the forums :D

Okay, first of all, I have to say, I ADORE your banner. As soon as I opened the story page my jaw kinda dropped and I thought 'I have to start this review by saying how amazing the banner is!' and then I saw that it was made by YOU. So, just, well done there, that was a lovely first impression :P


Okay, now I've got that off my chest :P This was a SUPER adorable oneshot. I rarely seek out Teddy/Victoire but I'm always happy when I stumble across it in review tag or whatever, because they are often such a sweet pairing. And you definitely captured their sweetness here!

In such a short amount of time you've really clearly defined both the characters, and crafted them so that they fit perfectly and compatibly together. I loved how sweet Teddy was and how stubborn Victoire was. You also made Victoire totally her own character as opposed to making her basically identical to Fleur which is what a lot of next gen writers tend to do, and I found that made her a lot more enjoyable to read, and also much more adorable.

You also have a great writing style that is very pleasing to read. It's not too over descriptive so it doesn't cloud the plot and the characters, but it's also very beautiful in places. I noticed a couple of minor typos but nothing really enough to pull me out of the story!

My favourite line was:

She snuggled deep into his chest. It had always been a habit of hers since she'd began sitting on his lap to cuddle. She could always count on relaxing against the strength that was Teddy. He was ever reliable, after all.

^I just loved this description of their relationship. There's something about having a relationship which is so solid, and Teddy being a solid figure, someone to rely on and lean on. It really makes their relationship seem safe and stable to its core, which in turn makes them seem very perfect together.

Overall I really enjoyed this, it was totally adorable and really cheered up my day! Well done < 3

~Maia

Author's Response: Hiya Maia! I think I've seen you around TDA. hehehe. Anyway, I'm glad you liked the banner! When I had the one-shot finished and beta'd I was completely museless but I knew that I had to make a banner for it. They're always good first impressions.
Anyway, I would have to be honest and say that Ted/Vic is never really my first choice --- to read or write. But I thought, why not?
People write Victoire like Fleur is but they seem to forget that she is a Weasley so I just tried to imagine how she would be like that.
Anyway, I am glad you like it because it just makes me feel all gooey inside when people like what I've written. Like the hard work and puffy eyes were worth it. (Oh, and the broken spell checker too! lol)
anyway, thank you.. x10. you rock.
---C


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Review #5, by Courtney Dark Perfect

9th December 2013:
Hey there!

This was such a cute one-shot! I really enjoyed it, especially because I haven't read a super lot of Teddy/Victoire, but am always very happy when I stumble upon one!

I think your characterization, especially, was very good. I especially liked the fact that you showed us the personalities of Teddy and Victoire through their actions and each other's thoughts, rather than just telling us.

I think you've created two very defined characters. I especially liked Victoire, with her stubborn pride and traditional ideas - such as the fact that she wanted Teddy to propose to her. I have a feeling ideas such as that probably come from her mother!

Teddy was just so adorable! I loved how protective he was of Victoire and how nervous he was when he was asking her to marry him - I think you wrote the proposal (and Victoire's reaction to it) really, really well!

I think, in general, the flow of this one-shot was very good, as well. The whole story flowed together very nicely - it wasn't awkward and or just plain weird to read, which is always a good thing! I also enjoyed the point of view switches, which is saying something, because I often find point of view switching within a chapter distracting, if it happens too many times. However you packed so much emotion and personality into each point of view that I think it worked really well. In saying this, there were a few moments here and there when I got confused as to whose point of view I was currently reading from, perhaps because some of the sections were so small, and switched so quickly. But that's just me being nitpicky.

This was a really great story! I enjoyed reading it!

Courtney:)

Author's Response: Courtney, thank you soo much for the review and the CC, I really appreciate it. I agree with you that the POV switches can be a bit confusing... I need more self-discipline when it comes to that aspect! But I am so happy that you like the characterization I've done of the two characters; they're just so new to me...
I also like the word CUTE. thanks. you are gorgeous.
---Carla


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Review #6, by marauderfan Perfect

6th December 2013:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review from the forums!

This is a cute story! :) I like how realistic it was in that there's really no way to create the perfect moment, so Teddy just does the best with the moment he has despite his nervousness and the fact that they just had a fight. And ahh his hair when he's nervous - aw, Teddy!

I liked the little quirks you brought out about the characters too, like Vic's fondness for muggle things like keys, and Teddy's propensity to embarrass himself in public. It makes them seem more real, more alive. So, nicely done with the characterisation.

So you asked about flow. In general, I think it flows well. The beginning of the story is separated into little sections it seems - like the first bit is from Teddy's perspective, and the next from Vic's - but after that they seem to get a bit mixed up, and there will be stuff about what Teddy is thinking in the same paragraph as what Vic is thinking. Now I understand that you can do that with a 3rd person omniscient POV, but it might make it flow better to have a few lines separation between their personal thoughts so that it's not everyone's thoughts all mixed together.

Also there were a couple of instances where you slipped into present tense, when most of the story is in past, so a quick look over it should catch most of those (stuff like "has" instead of "had".

Overall, though, this is really great and very sweet! I hope the CC didn't come across too harsh, I did like the story :) Nice work on it!!

Author's Response: Oh I totally understand what you were saying. I just found it so much easier to separate it at the start because they were physically separated in the story. It's definitely something I need to work on as I've always been so undisciplined in that area.
I'm glad you like the characterization... I worked hard on giving those two some appropriate characteristics that I myself would enjoy reading. And, basically, I wrote the sort of proposal I would enjoy experiencing myself.
Thanks, again, for the review!
--Carla


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Review #7, by MC_HK Perfect

6th December 2013:
Hello! Here with your request!

I do like this flow of this. I think if anything, and I'm being really nit-picky, there are hints of repetitive words and a couple run on sentences that I kind of stumbled on as I read, but really aren't a big deal. I always try to read quickly, and it's such a bad habit of mine, so that comment can be disregarded if you totally disagree. I also really love your writing style. It's very easy to read and how you did the third person switching back and forth. That normally bothers me, and again I'm being nit-picky by saying you could have cut down on that a little because there were a lot, but it didn't irk me too much. You provided so much emotion in each POV switch. There were memories and loves and hates and personality traits (HA THAT RHYMED!) and that is what makes a really good story to me. The premise of this is also SO fantastic, as I'm almost completely fed up with fairytales in FF.

One thing I do see that stands out to me is dialogue. The dialogue seemed a bit stiff. There were times that I really thought it was well done, such as, "Damn you, Teddy. I thought you'd never ask." But then you have Teddy being nervous, and I really get that, but the actual dialogue itself didn't reflect nervousness to me. "It is something big. Something I never want to do again for as long as I live. Something I've waited a long time to do. But it seems like the most amazing thing I'm going to do also. I sound so contradicting." This part I think is an example of that. I think with how many fragmented sentences there are, it just seems choppy to read, and that choppiness can really detract from emotion. Now, if you had him do a lengthy run-on sentence (in this case it would be fitting), that would be really believable. The dialogue must complement the actions of your character, but if you have Teddy acting nervous but not speaking like he is (stuttering, rambling, etc), then it doesn't really mesh together, you know what I'm saying? And I'm only saying this because you have awesome inner monologue of the characters. Very, very strong in that aspect. But again, that emotion should be reflected through the dialogue, not just accompany it.

Although, I did find this to be terribly cute and it was really fun read. So glad you asked me to review, and sorry if I sounded harsh! I don't mean anything by it, honest.

Feel free to re-request with whatever you need!

--Monica

Author's Response: I totally squeal when I hear 'cute' since that's exactly what I was going for when I began writing this story.
My dialogue definitely needs help, I agree. I've never been particularly strong at it, to be true. Which is particularly sad.. Definitely going to work on it.
Thanks for the gorgeous CC and the totally awesome review.
---Carla


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Review #8, by MrsKatieGrint Perfect

5th December 2013:
Hey there!

Okay, seriously, this was one of the cutest stories I think I've ever read. It was so adorable, and fluffy, I just can't.

On another note, it just seems you're such a diverse writer! You can go from Charlie/Hermione, to a next ten like Teddy/Victoire, in no time, and they're both wonderful!

I think you're characters here were so well defined in such a short amount of space, it was incredible! It just made the story flow so nicely, and the details you have? Gorgeous.

I lovelovelove what you did with Victoire's character. Most people pawn her a a mini Fleur, with nothing unique to the poor girl, but I am in love with the fact that Victoire like the muggle qualities that life has to offer. Its so cute, and such a unique spin, and I absolutely adore it!

All in all, I think this was a super great one-shot, and I think your writing style is so wonderful, and graceful almost.
Great job though!(:
Cheers!
~Katie

Author's Response: Katie! You give the loveliest reviews, I swear you do... Again, I am so happy to hear the word 'cute' in association with this story. It's just something I've worked towards when I started with this story.
I'm glad you like the way I wrote Victoire. I truly struggled to make her unique but still part her mother and father.
I'm glad you think it's diversity... Mostly I think it's impatience as I can't take writing one thing over and over. Thanks, really, for the fantastic review. You are gorgeous!

--Carla


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Review #9, by Cannons Perfect

4th December 2013:
Hey, I'm here with your requested review!

So firstly I don't read much next gen stuff, so I may not be much use to you, but I will try my best. Oh and also my grammar is generally appalling so I'll leave that to someone else.

Actually saying that I found this sentence as I was reading through - ' especially with a head full of mad and alcohol ' - it doesn't quite make sense.

I liked this line - ' She was drunk enough to splinch herself were she to apparate and sober enough to know this. '

Another typo - ' She realized, guiltily, that after running after her for the past ten minutes, he probably wasn't mad at her as well, (.)' - there should be a full stop after 'well'

Typo - 'Vic's parents, were especially not please(d),

Typo - As she did, Teddy felt the comfort bloom right there( — ) in his chest.

Ok the major concern apart from the small things like typo's which you will easily be able to catch if you read through it is the point of view keeps changing. That's fine but sometimes I got confused as to who was speaking so if you put a little ' * ' between each paragraph or something to that effect then it would be much clearer and problem solved.

Apart from that you have a fantastic little one shot. My favourite part was when Teddy's hair kept changing colour, that made me laugh. I also like how 'Vic' likes to use the key to get in the front door and little things like that. It really helped to mould her personality.

I hoped this review helped a little as I said I've not really had to much experience with next gen stuff.

Cannons

:)

Author's Response: First off, thanks for pointing out the typos. I really need to start writing with a spell checker... lol.
I'm glad you like the little quirks I put in about Vic and the muggle keys (I just love keys so I had to put it in there!) and Teddy and his adorable changing hair.
Thanks, with heaps of hugs and glomps, for the totally awesome review. You are gorgeous!

---Carla


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Review #10, by LightLeviosa5443 Perfect

1st December 2013:
Hi! Thanks for the review request in my thread!

I really enjoyed this story. I have honestly never read a Teddy/Victoire story so this was a nice first! I really enjoyed the story. It flowed well, which was your main area of concern. I honestly wouldn't worry about it. It was a good length and a cute one-shot. I certainly thought the POV switching would be confusing, but as I read on I had no confusion with that, so job well done there!

Sometimes there were too many spaces between paragraphs, and that made it a tad confusing, but in other places where it made perfect sense. Not sure if that was on purpose or not, but just thought I'd let you know, because I know I've had loads of trouble with extra spaces being added.

Just a couple of grammatical errors and what not:

- The first is in the first sentence of the second paragraph. "He had to curse a bit as she had walked off farther than he had hoped and expected she would be able to with how drunk she probably was." The sentence reads fine, but I had to re-read it to understand that he didn't hope or expect her to get that far. Maybe the sentence would make more sense if you inserted commas so it read like this: "He had to curse a bit as she had walked off farther than he had hoped, and expected, she would be able to with how drunk she probably was." That way you're including and expected, before you read on to her being drunk. In my opinion the and was separating the two before.

- The paragraph that starts with Teddy saying "Something and more.." and then Victoire responding with "Something serious then, Teddy?" needs a space between it. If it hadn't been for his name being there, I would've thought that Teddy was saying it.

Aside from that, I loved your story. I think the way Teddy freaks out when he's trying to propose is so sweet, and her response to him is perfect. That's exactly how couples like that do interact.

Thanks again for the request! Hope I helped!!

xoxo LL

Author's Response: I've made a few changes to the spacing so hopefully it's better now... Thank you so much for pointing that out... Anywho I appreciate you pointing out those parts as I definitely mean to rewrite this in parts in the future...
And, yes, I wrote it in the way I've always imagined having a relationship with someone as I've always preferred stable and secure to wild and passionately romantic... Just the right amount of sweet is perfect for me.
Thanks for the awesome review, you are a beauty!

--Carla


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Review #11, by Rumpelstiltskin Perfect

1st December 2013:
I am here for our review swap :).

I have to admit that I have only recently been trying to overcome my Next Generation phobia. So, I've only read a few so far. I will get over my irrational fears, however. I think that my main point is that I am far from a Next-Gen expert, so you'll have to excuse that.

The first thing that I want to mention is that I love your writing style. It's unique, easy to read, and (for lack of a better term) interesting. I found it overall enjoyable to read.

I really love Teddy's characterization! His concern for Victoire is very sweet and admirable. Victoire is also an interesting character. I couldn't help but laugh at the way she was ignoring Teddy (poor boy)!

Another thing that I really enjoyed was the altering perspectives that hopped between centering on Teddy to centering on Victoire. I thought that it was a brilliant way to show both of their thought and feelings. What was more impressive was that you managed to give Teddy and Victoire their own voices in each little segment.

Awww! This was so sweet! I especially loved this line, "Victoire was the only person he would want to cuddle with at the end of every single day." Oh my fluffiness! I love cuddles! And then the proposal, in combination with Teddy's uncouth nervousness was so cute!

This was perfect; you made me squee a bunch! I feel really bad now for sending you to my story that was full of my twisted humor. It's the epitome of anti-fuzzies :(. So, yes, sorry about that.

I really just want to put this in my pocket so that I can read it when I am in desperate need of an "aw! *squee*" moment!

You did a great job.

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Thank you Rumpel! I'm glad you like my writing style... It means a lot since I never figure that I have any sort of "style" at all...
I totally loved your story. I can only wish I can write like that at all. hehe.
I totes have Next Generation phobia too. It's so scary. Figured the only way I can get over it then I would be able to get over it.

--Carla


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Review #12, by ReeBee Perfect

1st December 2013:
Hey! Wanted to be first review!! :D

Awesome story of course!! Just wanted to tell u that even before beta-ing, it was perfect!! I didn't favourite it because I betaed it- I really loved it!! I would have loved it even without any other betaing!!!



Author's Response: I totally love you! You are an amazing beta and I'm so glad it was you. I love how you're the first to review. Wouldn't have it any other way. THANKS!
--Carla


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