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6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ANightingaleInAGoldenCage Chapter 1

28th April 2017:
Here for CTF

and I must say this was not an easy chapter to read. The accent of Donoclava was hard to follow at times and it makes me wonder why she speaks that way when we know of Bane and Firenze that they speak like normal people. Is there a reason why you did just that? And how is Lizbeth related to Newt? I'm also really curious about that.
The entire thing about the legends and how they became constellations is very interesting to read, however. Even if it was hard to follow due to the accent they had. It makes it seem like it's all cruel and that the centaurs have a way from learning from that and the closer they are the crueller the world is getting? Or something? Was that the intention you tried to have?
And another thing I was wondering about is how people allowed her to go back home through the forest. I get that she wanted to learn, but I thought that maybe there was something going on which made her have to go home by train. Or did she not have many friends around to make that want to happen? I'm maybe asking too many questions here, but some more filling in there would've been nice, i think. Especially since the forest isn't the safest place to live.

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Review #2, by AbraxanUnicorn Chapter 1

28th April 2017:
Hello! I'm still looking for this flag. Is it hidden in here?

I'm so glad that CTF brought me here, because it's not often I find magical creature fanfiction! I must admit, the word "extravagantly" doesn't sound like a word that should be paired with unadventurous, but oh well!

So our protagonist, Lizbith Scamander, is departing Hogwarts via the Forbidden Forest, in pursuit of magical creatures, and disappointed by the lack of dedication and enthusiasm of those who went before him. I'm guessing he's a relative of Newt? I hope he doesn't include Newt in his thoughts of unadventurous magizoologists. I cannot decide whether Lizbith is brave or foolish to venture through the forest, to be honest!

Oh! Lizbith is a man? I'm so sorry - I assumed from the name sounding like "Elizabeth" that the protagonist was female! My bad (embarrassed).

So, Lizbith meets a female centaur. That's pretty cool, as they aren't mentioned much in fanfiction. I mean, they must exist, right, if male centaurs do? I guess they aren't mentioned for modesty reasons - what does a centaur wear on his or her top half, for instance?

I'm intrigued as to why this centauress(?) from the Forbidden Forest, in Scotland, would have a Jamaican accent?! That seems very strange to me!

I love the Greek mythology references, and the twisting round of the tales to tell an apparently more truthful version of the tales. That's a really nice touch.

Just like Lizbith, I too am wondering where the other centaurs are. Will we ever find out, I wonder?

Brax X

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Review #3, by LittleLionGirl Chapter 1

20th January 2014:
Great job writing something so original! Funny to think there was a time before centaurs were known to the wizarding world... Lizbith is a very likable character. Running into the forest??? I guess he is the reason Hogwarts has rules ;)
XOXOXOXO,
LLG

Author's Response: Hello!

Why thank you! Yes, I assume many creatures were widely unknown before wizards decided to go adventuring. Yes, Lizbith is quite the little rule breaker, although everything he does is for good reason, so I guess he's a good rule breaker? Thank you!

Lo:)


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Review #4, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Chapter 1

31st December 2013:
Hey, it's Sam, here to review your entry for my Supernatural Creature challenge. I'm sorry it's come so late, I'm sick.

So, centaurs are certainly very interesting creatures and I love your take on them. Especially your character, Donacavala - with her dark skin and her accent, you've made her seem very exotic and new to read, which I love. I love her talk of the gods - as a lover of mythology and anything to do with this, it was so amazing to read. It was something I didn't really expect to read, but you brought in the stars and the gods really well. I was drawn in straight away.

Finally, Scamander! I'm so glad you wrote about a Scamander! :D

Thank you for entering my challenge!

Sam.

Author's Response: Hi!
And no problem with the delay! I totally understand!

I glad you like my take on the centaurs! And yay! Super ecstatic that you consider Donacavala 'new to read.' That means a lot!

And yay! I'm glad that my very limited knowledge of mythology translated into something comprehensible! And I'm pretty happy that this was unexpected!

And yay! A Scamander! As soon as I saw the challenge I knew that I would be writing a Scamander!

And thank you for creating this challenge in the first place!

Thank you very much, this review means a lot!
Lo:)


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Review #5, by DracoFerret11 Chapter 1

15th December 2013:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums! I saw that you were also participating in the "Supernatural Creatures Challenge" and figured I would come and check out your entry! So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling: I really liked that you used a different accent for Donacavala than Lizbith. It worked very well and I didn't see any inconsistencies! :)

Plot: Wow! This was a cool idea. I liked that you took a canon surname and created a character with it. I couldn't tell if he was older or younger than Newt/Rolf, though. I feel like he was their ancestor, but I'm not sure. I also liked how he encountered the centaur and the conversation that they had. The ending was so mysterious! I wonder where the rest of the centaurs are...

Characterization: Great job with Lizbith's curiosity. That was very believable for a Scamander. Donacavala's accent was great, it really created a unique identity for her. And her attitude was awesome.

Descriptions: Here is a place where I feel that you could have added more to bring the story to life. We got some vague physical descriptions, but it would be nice to know how things really LOOK, and sound, smell, feel, etc. Just so that readers can really feel like they're in the story.

Emotions: I was quite worried for Lizbith. I thought the centaur would attack him or something, but obviously that didn't happen. Good job translating that nervousness to the reader!

Overall, I think you did a really good job! Good luck on the challenge!

--Emily

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm glad that you liked Donacavala's dialect! And it worked pretty well? Yay! I'm super glad considering I really wanted to add more variety to this. :)

Yay! I'm glad you liked the plot! I will definitely touch on how old Lizbith is (and yes, you are right: he is an ancestor), and as for the centaurs, I'm afraid in this era they were not very social creatures...

And I'm glad that the characters were well portrayed! Thank you very much!

I will definitely try and add a bit more description when going over this chapter. Thank you very much for pointing that out!

And I'm glad I got you to feel nervous for Lizbith! That means I've done something right (I'm pretty sure :D).

Thank you so much Emily, and good luck to you as well!
Lo:)


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Review #6, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter 1

1st December 2013:
I'll show some love! (You don't have to review back thought, I'm just here for the fun of it!)

Anyway, the first paragraph really set the tone; I like the voice that is being portrayed in this. And any story that uses the term "extravagantly unadventurous" right off the bat is already deemed interesting in my book.

I really like the amount of description you put in this. I think my overall favorite was that of Doncavala's physical appearance. I favor the word coil, but rarely have the opportunity to use it. I have also only rarely seen it been used. Ehm, right, don't mind me just crazy Rumpel picking through words.

Another thing that I really found interesting was the expression of Doncavala's idiolect. I rarely see this used in stories too...with the exception of Hagrid. It's nice to see, actually, because not everybody speaks the same way.

And then the mythology just really blew me away. I love mythology and I find it highly entertaining so it really piqued my interest in this.

Overall, I really enjoyed this. It's super refreshing and unique!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi Rumpel!

Yay! I'm glad you like Lizbith! And oh how I loved using "extravagantly unadventurous!"

And yay! I'm glad that you liked my use of the word coil and my over all description of Donacavala! And don't worry, I like that word too!

And yes, I thought that seeing as centaurs don't necessarily interact with the wizards at Hogwarts so much, especially in those days, that her dialect would not be what they would consider 'proper.' And I'm glad you liked it and that it brought an air of variety!

And yay! My not-so-extensive knowledge of mythology translated well! I'm really glad!

Thank you so much Rumpel, this review made me smile so much and it means a lot!
Lo:)


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