15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pixileanin Tom Riddle

25th January 2014:
"For Merlin's sake, don't trip over the patients!" That was a brilliant aside, given that it's the first indication of description that we've been given, as if the surroundings don't matter. They really don't matter in this case, based on the attitude of the narrator.

I have no idea what kind of establishment this "person" runs, or works in, or whatever, but it's clear by their demeanor that these patients are being exploited. I found myself excitedly looking forward to the therapy session with "Tom". What on earth am I reading here??

"Can you see the way I am allowing him to believe that he is in control, that he has the upper hand?" Ah haha! Yes, I see that. He does this every time, you say?

"...last week's blood pudding..." the details are hilarious! I like the way the narrator believes that he or she may be next. That should prove interesting... I, too, am interested in his interest in the therapist. Could it be nefarious? Hmm...

"The papers were his friends. They were the source of his power..." Oh no. And he killed one? This is getting eerie. The way that he fixates on the colored paper and their "unions" is quite weird and then he eats one... ahahaha! That's great. "I'm not sure if I enjoy games, Maggie." Sure you don't, Tom.

"He needs to assume that I've drawn them for his amusement." Yes, feed the deranged ego. What a dangerous game you're playing Mr./Ms. Narrator. Uh oh. I knew something horrible will come of this. The inkblots were wonderfully insane and creepy, and the whole thing about being kissed by a serpent...

Ah, and then we come into the dark, devilish thick of things, and the whole thing takes off. Wow. This "Maggie" is really lost now. She just can't pull it together when he has absolute control. I loved the imagery of the tiny paper circles. He's truly lost his marbles, and he smells her deceit. No, she is not as clever as she thinks she is. She's completely gone... yep... there she goes.

A brilliantly written piece. How you managed to maintain the condescending tone and show us the psychopathic mind of Tom in the middle of it, just stunning. I love loved the way you twisted the ending. I was surprised and delighted and completely horrified by it.

Bravo!

Author's Response: Hey there!

I always love people's reactions to this one! Welcome to the madness, don't get lost. The narrator does exploit her patients-- she's on an entirely different side of evil.

It was fun playing with insane!Voldemort, though I'm not entirely sure that he was completely sane to begin with.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it!

-Rumpel


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Review #2, by ReeBee Tom Riddle

19th January 2014:
RUMPEL! HELLO! I'm completely sorry for the super late review swap! Weekends and HPFF don't mix for me :/ But this was awesome!!!

Loved the plot! Wow! So interesting! Congrats on winning the challenge! You completely deserved it! The plot was super solid and I loved how u sort of used second person and first person! Loved that tone of voice :D :D And the idea was really original!

The characterisation! Riddle was like a tiny little boy and Sofia (was about to call her Maggie!) was a little like Umbridge! I kind of felt sorry for the intern (I assume?). And it was totally realistic! I think thats how twisted Riddle would be if he surrendered to Harry. He was so psychotic, and I was a tiny bit creeped out (well done!) And I was laughing so loud at the comments Sofia made to the intern!

Overall, this was awesome! Loved it!! AH! GREAT JOB RUMPEL!!! Sorry again for the late review!

-Curry

Author's Response: Curry! Hello and that's okay!

Hooray! I'm glad that you liked it, it was fun to write. Aaand I was able to play around with the pseudo-second-person, which was a fabulous experience.

You're the second (third?) person to compare Maggie to Umbridge! Yeah...she's a little (lot) arrogant (ridiculous). Yeah, the "you" is the intern. It was fun to write crazy!Voldemort :D.

Thanks so much dear!!

-Rumpel


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Review #3, by 800 words of heaven Tom Riddle

15th January 2014:
REVIEW SWAP!

First of all, let me just say that I love the way you've formatted this story. I really love the way you've used "excerpts" from the article. The syntax in these two paragraphs really adds that non-fictiony feel to the entire thing. And the narrator's voice is actually really lovely so far as well - they sounds so peeved!

I'm just giggling away at the mental images here! The narrator sounds like a person who goes around wearing one of those white lab coats and ridiculously shiny black leather shoes and is always in a really bad mood all the time because they think they're the best thing to happen to the world since penicillin but their sheer brilliance is never appreciated.

Ah! The way you've written this! I could just go on and on and on - but I won't because character limits. I just love all these asides that the narrator directs at the readers. It really gives them a personality and strangely the readers as well. I'm sure I don't fall over that much, but whilst I'm reading this, I feel like I should, just to remain in character.

Haha, of course Tom needs to control the situation! He's the Dark Lord! This scene really reminds of that one time in OotP when the trio bump into Gilderoy Lockhart, and he's still lost his memory, but his personality is basically the same. It seems that all villains in rehab go through the same stages!

The paper... has thoughts? With which Tom can communicate? Are the trees from where the paper came talking to him? Should I be concerned that the contents of my waste paper basket have conscious thought?

There's more than one person in the room with a superiority complex, I'm afraid! I love how patronising the narrator is. They actually remind me a lot of Umbridge in that way. One of the most annoying things about her was that she was so condescending in her complete and utter belief that she was right and everyone else was wrong.

Okay, Tom is weird, but I still think his therapist is weirder. Inkblots are strange things that look like nothing but inkblots to me. I had a little giggle at the wedding night one, though! And Tom is starting to sound more and more like the plot of an episode from Criminal Minds which is just fantastic, because I love that show.

Okay, even more and more like a Criminal Minds episode but where - PLOT TWIST - the baddie is in fact our wonderfully kooky narrator. I think I just fell in love even more!

Okay, so I just finished, and I just loved it. It was like watching the trailer for a horror film, where you don't actually know that it's a horror film, so everything starts out all great and wonderful, but then BAM and the silly person who left the group to find out why the lights had gone off turns up dead somewhere and all chaos ensues, and then just at the climax -

It ends.

Author's Response: Hello!!

I'm glad you like the narrator. She's quite arrogant, and I loved writing with her. You've pretty much nailed Sofia/Maggie with that description :D. The love-to-hate character where you feel so unattached from that it doesn't matter if she dies at the end or not :D.

This is my first time playing around with the second-person narrative. While it's not exactly second-person, it served the purpose well. Sorry for making you clumsy, you're just nervous because your boss is obnoxiously egotistical. Thanks for trying to remain in character, though.

While Voldemort is meant to be out of character, I felt the need to bring some of his cannon qualities along for the ride. I mean, what fun is Voldemort without the evil and insanity? :p

Well, I mean, the dude's insane, so he's given some permission to personify colored paper dots to represent his DEs and then force his control over them...right?

Heheh, yeah, that's my narrator. She's wonderfully annoying, isn't she?

Criminal Minds? That sounds interesting, I'll have to add it to my To-Do list. If I watch all of the things people mention to me, soon I'll be watching far too much television :D.

The end to this review was a perfect match for the end of my story, so thank you!

And thanks for the wonderful review!

-Rumpel


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Review #4, by patronus_charm Tom Riddle

13th January 2014:
I was going to read more of Everto Trucido, but seeing a humour one-shot about Voldemort and knowing theyíre my weak spot I couldnít resist :P

Ah this one-shot was really great and had me laughing throughout! I loved Maggieís narration because despite the fact she was speaking to Voldemort of all people she still remained matter of fact and composed and a true to doctor. Now and then she had this great egotistical air about her too which really worked well with the pair of them having such large egos!

I thought Voldemortís characterisation was great even though this was AU, there were so many nuances of his actual character it didnít feel out of place. I think the constant need for control that he had was brilliant because it again it was so him. Then the way he had to decide what name to call her and her subtle remark about him controlling the discussions. All of these small things just made for a great humour story!

The little mentions about Potter fearing him being thrown in now and then were a great touch and possibly the best part of it because even though he had the same sneery tone when speaking about him, it was more like damn why canít he just let me have my friends and be a good man than anything else.

Wah the ending was so unexpected but brilliant too with Voldy going on some sort of crazed violent rampage, trying to kiss Maggie/Sofia but then she rejects him and he kills her. All completely normal in the day in the life of Tom Riddle and a perfect thing to make me laugh. This was such a fun one-shot and you wrote him so well and Iím really glad that I read it!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello!

This one was so much fun to write, so I'm glad you picked it.

Maggie's a piece of work and her arrogance assisted writing a story alongside insane!Tom (not that I'm sure of his sanity to begin with).

It was remarkably entertaining to write Voldemort a bit out of character, while still trying to maintain some of his key characteristics.

That's just it, Harry simply wouldn't leave him alone ;). Honestly, if Harry Potter kept attempting to ruin everything I was trying to accomplish, while I was minding my own business, I'd be slightly peeved as well.

I'm happy that this made you laugh, not many people get my odd sense of humor.

Thanks so much!!

-Rumpel


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Review #5, by GingeredTea Tom Riddle

11th January 2014:
This was a unique kind of entrance into a story and it took me a minute to orient myself, but my god, by the time we were done, I was sucked in.

The way you portrayed Tom - cruel but reduced to someone without much motive, and then that he was spurred on by the one thing he never understood into being Voldemort (and doesn't seem to understand really by the end), was brilliant.

This was a really cool story. Engaging, unique, funny and brilliantly creepy all at once. The blot pictures was a great idea. The way you ended this...yikes! Love, love love!

Thank you so much of the great read

Author's Response: Eh, yeah, I've got to work through the beginning just a bit to smooth out the second-person. I'm glad you ultimately enjoyed it though.

This was really entertaining to write, I'm glad that I entered the challenge.

Thanks so, so, so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #6, by Josette_Phoenix Tom Riddle

2nd January 2014:
HELLO!!
Finally a review of this wonderful, wonderful story! I am so sorry it's taken me this long!!

I love how you've made most of this story in second person - the psychiatrist to the intern - because second person is so rare in stories and it's really hard to make it work, but you've done FABULOUSLY! It was fascinating and couldn't have worked better any other way - kudos!

I love how cold, cynical and heartless you've made Sofia/Maggie and how eventually it ironically becomes her downfall - such a Roald Dahl ending to the story (not the kids' books he wrote but his adult books - they always have a humourously sinister and ironic ending).

I also love how you've portrayed Tom - the coloured dots (especially the coloured dots - that was a stroke of genius), the sardonic insights of Sofia/Maggie, the KISSING (which made me shudder, well done) ... it was all superb. It isn't often that a FF makes me laugh even a little out loud, but this ... I was cackling. I have to admit that when I read the title and started, I was a little worried this would be a tedious and dry story - but you proved me wrong. It is witty, mordant, engaging, and a brilliant lampoon of Voldemort (I love the banner too, btw).

Even though you were the only one to submit something to the Solve the Riddle challenge (which means you get first place anyway) I guarantee that you would have place very highly even if I got dozens of stories; if you haven't already guessed by this creepily glowing review - I love this story.

Congrats on your marvellousness!
Cheerio,
Jo
xo

Author's Response: Hello!

This challenge definitely gave me opportunity to play around with several elements, including perspective. Writing in this perspective was absolutely enjoyable. I'm ecstatic that you believe that I've done it well!

Writing with an unlikable main character was also something that I really enjoyed toying with.

There were very few people who understood what I was attempting to do with the colored dots, so I'm very glad that you caught onto that. The kissing...was decidedly disgusting and thus I didn't linger around the subject for long, but it has received the reaction that I was hoping!

I thought that some of the clinical, dry writing would help balance out the slight insanity of this story.

Whoo! 1/1! Worse things could have happened ;). I'm really happy that I entered your contest, it created a story that I found very entertaining to write!

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #7, by kenpo Tom Riddle

26th December 2013:
Hey! Here for our review swap!

I was looking on your author page, and saw this. It looked so interesting, there was no way I wasn't reading it. I psychoanalysis of Tom Riddle... huh. I hadn't really thought about what would happen if he'd tried this, but your portrayal was amazing.

I think it's weird that you've managed to create a story so enjoyable to read, with such dislikeable characters. Ugh, Maggie really got on my nerves. I get it that you have to treat every patient like a patient, but her pompous attitude, how arrogant can someone be?!

Their interactions are marvelous. We never see Tom with someone who treats him like an equal but so clearly isn't. Dumbledore and Harry both treat him "normally". Not normally... but, they use his name. They don't treat him like everyone else does. With those two, though, they've earned treating him like that. This character though... what right does she have to not be terrified of him? Like Ollivander said, he's great. Terrible, but great. As bad of a person he is, you have to respect his magical power.

And finally, at the end, it finally clicked with her that he isn't just Tom. He's the Dark Lord, and he doesn't have issues killing people who get in his way!

Maggie is such a good example that there isn't just one type of evil.

Now for the CC. Not much there.
I was a little bit confused at first, but I just tend to get really confused by second person, so that's probably just me.
You missed an apostrophe in "won't" somewhere in the first half... I can't find it looking back now... but it was towards the beginning.

This was really weird. But once again, I really did enjoy it. I look forward to reading your review!

Author's Response: Hello!

Ah, but that was the most entertaining part when I was writing it! I love that Maggie's characterization got a rise out of you. You're right; Maggie has no right to treat such a powerful wizard the way she does. Honestly, she probably has no right to treat anybody the way she does :).

I did do a poor job at introducing the second person, but it was my first time playing around with that perspective so I'm hoping to improve ;). I think I confused many people in the very beginning as to what was happening. Oops! Thanks, I'll fix that; it must have slipped by me!

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

-Rumpel


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Review #8, by CambAngst Tom Riddle

13th December 2013:
Tagging you from Review Tag!

I really liked the idea behind this story. The possibility that Tom might try to repair his shattered soul had never really occurred to me, and if you'd suggested it then my first guess would have been some sort of spell or potion that involves slaughtering kittens and puppies or something like that.

You did a really nice job with your narrator. Maggie is ambitious, self-important, more than a little vain... I thought the way you built her up was a really nice balance to Tom's character because I came into the story assuming that Tom would be the one I'd end up not liking. Instead, he comes off as child-like in places and you made it feel as though he's being manipulated by this big-headed healer who's only in it for fame and fortune. The way that she constantly talks down to the intern that most of the story seems to be addressed to added to the effect. You made her easy to dislike, which was a nice compliment to the cognitive dissonance of seeing Voldemort so helpless and confused.

Voldemort, himself, was also really well-written. The process of reuniting the soul was supposed to be nearly unbearable, and he certainly seems like a person who has suffered an incredible trauma. At the same time, he still has that barely-contained fury simmering just below the surface. He feels dangerous and menacing in an oddly innocent sort of way, like he doesn't even understand the implications of hurting people. I thought it was a really nice effect.

I think my favorite part was his army of paper circles. You managed to take major elements of his dominating, manipulative personality from the books and translate them into a silly, childish sort of situation that really fits his mental state well. The paranoia that drives him was also a trademark characteristic.

Tom's reactions to the ink blots were amusing and disturbing. Definitely not a good choice on Maggie's part.

And then I see your body lying among the others. I asked to, told you, to stay late this evening to reorganize the files as you messed them up, again. It doesn't surprise me to see you dead, now. Your capabilities were weak and flawed. You never stood a chance. But I suppose you blame me for your death, don't you? Because I asked you to stay late. -- For some reason, I think this passage was my favorite in the entire story. It very succinctly highlights the fact that Maggie's mental defects are as hazardous, in their own way, as Tom's.

The ending was beautifully macabre. The short, punchy sentences, the cold sense of dread... I could almost hear Ralph Fiennes delivering the lines.

He is no longer Tom; he is the Dark Lord. -- I guess some things are simply beyond repair. Serves Maggie right for her conceit.

I noticed a couple of small things that might be typos as I read:

You, see I was unable to make contact with him until now. -- the comma should go after "see", I think

Clever Tom. We can't get much passed him here. -- past him

Otherwise, your writing was fantastic. The story flowed very nicely and I thought the pace and delivery were really good. Nothing sounded awkward or singsongy.

Well done! Best of luck in your challenge if it hasn't been decided yet!

Author's Response: Hello!

One of the things that attracted me to this challenge was that its prompt forced me to think about what would have happened if Tom Riddle had decided to mend his soul. Although slaughtering small adorable animals never crossed my mind, I can see that.

I discovered that it was really quite enjoyable to write with a character who is meant to be disliked, especially since the typical antagonist's characterization had been skewed. Obviously, it was altered to reveal some of the damaging effects of soul recombination, but you picked up on that. I'm glad you enjoyed Maggie; she was a pleasure to write.

Originally I was concerned that Voldemort's cannon characterization would be overpowered by the distortion of clinical insanity (not that I'm claiming that Voldemort was completely sane to begin with). I'm happy to see that it remained detectable.

You are the first person to understand the army of paper circles. I was beginning to believe the clarity in the explanation I provided was faulty. Thank you.

The inkblot section was written in equal parts for some additional indicators of Tom's mental instability and strictly my own amusement (and that of others, if they shared similar tastes in humor).

Oops, thanks for the typos. They escaped me.

Thanks for a fantastic review! Apparently I was the only person who submitted anything for the challenge. At least it gave me inspiration to write this.


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Review #9, by marauderfan Tom Riddle

8th December 2013:
Hello there! I'm here with your review request from the forums!

Wow, I love the way this starts out, almost as an academic presentation. (At first I thought the speaker was Voldemort giving a speech, but then Voldemort was mentioned. But I like the way it starts with the uncertainty.) The narrator is really interesting! I love the perspective and it's very original, the way the story is dictated to an intern.

Crup-eat-crup world :P I like it.

I am so intrigued by this incarnation of Voldemort. Eyes full of humour? He likes to be called Tom? Either he has changed a lot, or Sofia/Maggie is a little crazy. The idea of Voldemort feeling remorse at all is so interesting. WAs it real remorse, or is he just faking to accomplish his goals?

I can't imagine Maggie (yeah, I know that's not her actual name, but that's what she's called for the majority of the story so that's what I'll call her) likes her job at all. Voldemort made some moves on her. Ew. Her thoughts towards the now dead intern were kind of sad - at the end Maggie has got some sort of superiority going on as well.

I LOVE the ending, that last line. It's absolutely perfect.

So overall thoughts - I think this flowed really well, and the perspective was great, I think that was a really neat way to tell the story. The only thing I'm left a bit confused about is characterization. I'm left wondering how Voldemort turned into this person - I assume it was just because of the missing pieces of his soul that Harry had destroyed, but maybe Maggie has more insight on this as the person who is studying him?

Voldemort, although I'm not sure how he ended up the way he did, is well written and very eerie. I kind of like the ambiguity over whether he was remorseful at all and just went crazy and then regressed, or whether he was acting the whole time. It makes him even creepier!

Also, Maggie is very dismissive of the intern who doesn't sound like that bad of a person and I didn't know why Maggie disliked her so much. Perhaps some background there? (Again, I do like the story as is, and other people may tell you opposite things about the characters but this is just my opinion!)

Thought I'd point out a few typos as well - Clever Tom. We can't get much passed him here. (that should be "past".) And here - What are there names? (should be "their")

And I think that sums it up! Hope that was helpful and not just really rambly. What a cool idea for a story and I love the way you wrote it. Nice work! :)

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks for taking the time to come and look at this for me. You're awesome.

I'm glad you liked the perspective; I was having fun with it. :)

Well, the prompt required Voldemort to be "cured" of his horcruxes; the only way to do that was through pure remorse.So, I suppose he would have had to have felt true remorse in order to recombine his soul. Then I assumed, with all of those pieces missing, that he might lose his mind. So, that is my best attempt at insane Voldemort :).

I don't think that Maggie likes much of anything short of money and possessions (that's my characterization for her in my head-space :p) but yeah, gross. I suppose a bit of background would have been helpful...I didn't think of it. I sometimes forget that not everybody can read my mind :). That's just Maggie's personality, there was no particular issue with the intern. I mean, there was a bit of superiority because the intern was an intern, but nothing personal. That's just Maggie being ridiculous :).

Ah, typos...-_- pretend you didn't see them (but THANK YOU for pointing them out to me, I would not have seen them on my own). I'll go fix that. *Sigh* I even mixed up there and their? I need to go sit in the corner for a little while and think about the English language.

Thanks again!!

-Rumpel


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Review #10, by maraudertimes Tom Riddle

7th December 2013:
This is really cool! I've never seen a fic like this and it didn't really disappoint. The one thing is that I've never thought of Lord Voldemort as surrendering and having enough compassion to put his soul back together, but I understand this was for a challenge, so nothing's really strange or CCish about this.

It was really cool to read a fic written like this, although it was strange at first considering I didn't realize the MC was supposed to be talking to an actual person in his mind, I thought it was just a written piece. But, it was super cool once I figured it out!

I really liked the ending as well! I mean... wow! This was amazingly something! I don't really know how to describe what I'm feeling.

Top notch!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Hey!

I'm glad you liked it :). I haven't thought of that either, but any challenge that gives me a reason to write AU is right down my alley!

Ah yeah, I'm trying to figure out a way to transition the reader into realizing how the narrative is working sooner. It gave me an excuse to play around with perspective, though, which was really fun.

I'm really glad that you liked it :D! And I'll take 'amazingly something," it sounds good to me.

Thanks!

-Rumpel


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Review #11, by Cannons Tom Riddle

4th December 2013:
Hi Rumpel *waves*

Let me just say that this is the longest title I think I have ever seen so congratulations :D

Also your prompt was insanely hard so I think you have to be clapped on the back for coming up with such a good effort. I wish you luck in the challenge as well! Also I am sorry it has taken me a little while to get here, I hope you can forgive me. :)

Ok, now that is out of the way, let's get to the review.

So firstly I love the point of view and the voice throughout. At first I admit I was a little confused but I soon worked it out, but it's great that it seems as if she is talking to us and that we are somehow involved with the story.

I absolutely love the idea of 'Tom' going 'toe to toe' with a counsellor, that was genius. I don't know though if he would ever love someone. I know that it helps your story but even if he repaired his soul wouldn't he just go back to the same mind set he had before he created horcrux's? He was never able to love anyone then. Also I'm unsure how repairing his soul would leave him so mentally unstable that he actually allows to be imprisoned. However I know that these help your story and the prompt you were given so no worries.

Your plot arch was good, I really enjoyed the ending, it built up well. I like how the voice or 'Maggie' talks as if she is smarter then everyone else right up to the point that she got killed. It sort of reminds me of Voldemort, that was his downfall as well, thinking he was smarter then everyone else. I don't know if you did that purposefully but that was the bit I most enjoyed in your story.

The coloured pieces of paper were really odd, I thought that maybe he was just playing a game and manipulating Maggie and biding his time until he wanted to get out. I think that he was acting throughout and he never changed, but that's just my opinion.

Overall this was significantly different from anything I have ever read in fanfiction and I quite enjoyed it. You have taken your prompt and used it to good effect and good luck in the challenge, I'm sure you will do well :D

Cannons

Author's Response: Hello!

The prompt was a bit difficult, so thanks :). And no problem, I don't mind waiting.

Yay, I'm very happy that you liked the pov (sorry about the confusion at first). The perspective was really the only thing that got the story rolling.

I was trying to go with Tom losing his sanity completely (not that he was entirely sane to begin with). But I do agree with you; realistically, Tom Riddle would not be able to fall in love. I tried to capture a strange infatuation, and it did greatly help the story :).

Maggie was fun to write with. I wanted to create a character that wasn't entirely likable, but my intention was not to draw parallels between her and Voldemort. BUT I'm glad you drew that conclusion and that you enjoyed that aspect.

Thanks so much for taking the time to come over here and leave me feedback. This was definitely out of my comfort zone! I really appreciate your opinions on this :).

-Rumpel


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Review #12, by milominderbinder Tom Riddle

2nd December 2013:
Hiya! here from review tag :)

I've reviewed quite a few chapters of everto trucido now from the tag, so I was excited to see something new from you because I really like your writing!

Wow, this was definitely an interesting read. If you're looking for originality, you've definitely scored it here! Compared to everto, which though I love it does have quite a few elements which are bordering on cliche (though you write them well enough that it doesn't matter!) this is an incredibly original idea. I really loved it!

Your writing style here is really intense and captivating. I couldn't stop reading the whole time! The unusual POV and setup both interested me right off the bat, and it only got more interesting.

I feel like this is very fast paced and fast moving, and it works really well with the style and the plot. It doesn't linger and get overly involved in any one thing which I think is why it's so captivating to read!

Well done, I really enjoyed this :)

~Maia

Author's Response: Hello!

I've been trying to write a few different things so I decided to enter a few story challenges :).

This really gave me a chance to fool around with perspective and pace; it was really a lot of fun. I know Everto is a bit cliche, but I just really love writing it :D. I'm glad you enjoyed this one though and found it original.

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #13, by LightLeviosa5443 Tom Riddle

1st December 2013:
Hi! Thanks for the request in my thread! This has certainly been an interesting story!

I don't think I've ever read a story like this, so it was very interesting for me to read. You said you were concerned with flow issues, and I certainly would not be worried about that. I think this story flows perfectly. You also said you were worried about the plot arch, but I wouldn't be. This story hits it's high point at just the right time, and then ends on a perfect note, in my opinion.

I was a bit confused when I first read it, as to what point of view it was from. Of course I soon understood that I was the intern and that I was being spoken to, but also seeing into the narrators mind when I wasn't there to be spoken to. I think that because of that, it makes the story more personable. I was actually thinking why would you continue therapy when the narrator was saying of course they would continue.

A few corrections on grammar and spelling (I'm going to list the sentence that I'm fixing, and then whatever I've fixed will be in all caps):

- Where you say "Clever Tom. We can't get much passed him here." I believe it should say 'We can't get must PAST him here.'

- Right before 'session 0017' there is a line that says "I'm I exceeding my expectations of you to assume that you you can at least handle that task?" I think the I before exceeding is an extra, and there's an extra you after that, so the sentence should read 'I'm exceeding my expectations of you to assume that you can at least handle that task?' . Just an assumption that that's how you wanted it to read.

-When the narrator is in the instituation and is seeing all of the dead bodies and there's the sentence about seeing the interns body, there's a sentence right after it starting with "I asked to, told you, to stay late..." I think it should read 'I asked YOU to, told you, to stay late.."

Aside from those mistakes, this story was wonderful. Brilliant job! I hope I helped all I could, this certainly was a teaching story for me to read. It was a first and it was interesting to try to analyze and review. Thanks for requesting!!

xoxo LL

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for taking the time to give me some feedback! :D

Oh good, I'm glad that my flow and plot arch are working effectively. Flow, especially, is a general concern of mine. I am a very strong critic of everything that I write so I feel the need to check around and make sure things are up to standards :).

I suppose that I did just throw the reader into the story quite unexpectedly. Perhaps I should try and make that transition a bit more smoothly. I'm really glad that you caught on though AND thought that it made the story more personable (as that was the general idea). Also, I'm glad that you were questioning the narrator :). She's clearly an unreliable narrator, which I thought would be fun because most generally I find that I can trust the narrator when I'm reading a story.

Oh and thank you SO much for pointing the errors out to me! I missed them during the reread :p, that happens a lot. I'll hop right on fixing them.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed it and that you got something out of reviewing it in return! Thanks so much for your help, I really appreciate it!

-Rumpel


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Review #14, by BitterSweetFlames Tom Riddle

1st December 2013:
Hi. :) Carla here for our review swap. I'm SkitsAndBits over at the forums. :) Anyway, I totally love the style that you used writing this. It's very interesting and definitely gripping.

The action is very swift; there are parts that seem confusing, which is a good thing because I feel like the story really benefited from it.:D

I loved reading the sessions most. Those were interesting; Tom is definitely the sort of character that is hard to write but is a spectacular read when written right. And you definitely did a marvelous job of writing it. :)

Anyway, I truly enjoyed reading this and I truly love your style of writing. :) Great job! :)

---C

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad that you enjoyed the style. It was the only thing that really got me rolling on this story. Otherwise, I'm not sure what I would have done for the challenge :).

Hooray! For once my madness and confusion benefited a story!

The sessions were my favorite parts to write. I had a lot of fun playing around with insane Tom.

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


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Review #15, by toomanycurls Tom Riddle

1st December 2013:
Stalker here - I actually noticed this was up before your message. :P

I love the style this is in. Part case study/report and part first person narrative. The academic tone and clinical nature is amazing. I thought that was such an amazing aspect of this.

The almost affectionate way she refers to Tom is interesting. It almost makes me think she's not up to the clinical separation she'll need from him to do this well! I love the idea of the reader shadowing her on the sessions. This is such an awesome narrative technique.

ah! I love the psychosis he's demonstrating with Harry disguising himself as random staff members. The control/power aspect is interesting and is pinging my uh oh sensors.

The colored bits of paper are almost creepy. It's weird/interesting how Maggie is assuming they represent his DEs. I think there's more to them than that.

Session 17 is just wow. The level at which he lives through the bits of paper and has made them to be his followers - it's just amazing. His reaction to the Rorschach images are just O.o disturbing. He's getting underneath Maggie's skin as much as she's getting under his.

I'm a bit surprised she didn't see he was getting worse rather than better. I mean, she's trained to do this, right?!?!

o.o Maggie's coldness at seeing the intern's body is almost Voldy-like. o.o what did he do with her?

idiot! Going along with the delusion is not a good idea!!

Then she falters. ack

It's almost sad that his delusion was having someone love him.

I loved this! Amazing with a killer ending (see what I did there?)

Author's Response: Hey...I'm supposed to be YOUR stalker, remember?

Hooray for style! That was the only thing to actually get this story rolling. When I read the prompt and hopped into this challenge, all I could think of was Voldemort in an insane asylum. I toyed with it being from his POV but I couldn't get the story going. So, the narrative first came into play as a case study, and somewhere along the lines I thought I'd drag the readers around for a ride as a shadowing intern :p.

Ha! Tom seeing Harry-in-disguise was for my own amusement :). Also, it does demonstrate the level of mental instability that Tom has...but I'm not entirely convinced that he was sane to begin with.

Maggie is full of herself. So, despite any training that she has, she may make the wrong decisions and come to wrong conclusions. The colored papers ARE creepy.

Session 17 was fun to write. Between the paper circles and the inkblots I was laughing at myself. I'm not sure what inspired this scene, but I do shudder when some of the mental images cross my mind. Gross.

Ha! Trained, yes. Qualified...probably not. She reminds me a LITTLE of Lockheart :).

I thought a cold disposition would bring some more depth to Maggie's self-centered personality. I tried to bring her actual feelings of guilt and (sort of) grief over the death through the end of the story by having Maggie talk to the intern (even though she was dead).

Yup, wrong move! :)

I thought that love was something that Voldemort had (probably) never experienced. I mean real love, of course. Not just loyalty from followers.

I'm glad you liked it...I was writing out of my comfort zone. I'm afraid of anything but in my safe little comfort zone. Haha...I see what you did there :p.

Thanks so much for leaving a review :) I loved it!

-Rumpel


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