Reading Reviews for Evasive Normality
  
37 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Unicorn_Charm Chapter 2

26th May 2014:
I was honestly waiting for Ginny to hit him for a moment. I may have haha. I'm glad they've talked, though. And I love, love, love that they ran into Luna! She is one of my absolute favorites and you've written her perfectly!

It was so cute how they stumbled upon the carving in the tree. :) Hopefully they find Ron and Hermione soon. And I hope they're alright!

I'm loving this! Please update soon, because I think I'm hooked now. :D I'm definitely going to be checking out your other stories as well.

xoxo - Meg

 Report Review

Review #2, by Unicorn_Charm Chapter 1

26th May 2014:
Again, wow. You're a fantastic writer. I can honestly almost feel like I am there grieving with everyone.

This might be the most realistic post-war story I've read. I really feel like that is how they would all be dealing. Especially Ron, with the tea. That poor boy really does not know how to handle when people are upset. You've captured that perfectly.

This is all just so sad and so perfect. I absolutely love it so far.

I cannot wait to see when Ginny and Harry finally get around to speaking to one another. I feel that will be very interesting.

But, I love this. Truly love it. Keep up the good work, and I can't wait to read more!

xoxo - Meg

 Report Review

Review #3, by Unicorn_Charm Prologue

26th May 2014:
Wow. What an amazingly powerful introduction to your story. To see Harry just finally come undone after everything that he has been through... Just wow.

I always imagined there would come a time where everything would just come crashing down on him. Especially without the constant planning and scheming occupying him.

I love Hermione. Absolutely adore her. I always felt she was the strongest out of the three of them. I love seeing how you portrayed that. She being the one who is trying to keep it together and wants to keep everyone else together.

I'm excited to read more! I'm really enjoying this so far. :)

xoxo - Meg

 Report Review

Review #4, by Lululuna Prologue

6th March 2014:
Hello! :)

This was such a great start to your story! I like how you took the time to establish Harry's PTSD (or at least that's what it feels like here) and how the family is coping after the battle. The fact that Harry is overwhelemed and filled with all this guilt feels very likely to me, especially with how you've written him seeing the faces of his dead friends and feeling responsible for it.

I also quite like the idea that he feels he's unworthy of Ginny because Fred died. That's very interesting, and something I'd never thought of before! I also liked how Ginny was persistent and trying to convince Harry to come around.

Hermione also felt very well characterized. I liked how she felt responsible for holding the family together and taking care of them - it shows what a compassionate person she is. Also, how she puts her own problems aside, like her parents, in order to help others. That feels very Hermione-ish.

She watched absently as some garden gnomes snuck under the fence, one urging the other on whilst holding a piece of fence up to make it easier for them to get through quicker. This was a wonderful little detail about the Burrow and I really loved it! :) The gnomes just sound so sweet, and I like the idea of Hermione finding comfort in them.

This was a very interesting read so far, I really enjoyed it! :) Well done! :D

Gry/Sly Battle Round 2 - Review 10 of 15

 Report Review

Review #5, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter 2

6th March 2014:
I'm here for Blackout Bingo (number 4/15 of square 2, to keep track) and to resume stalking you :).

I love that you threw the Moody bit in there, "constant vigilance!" Gah, I love that.

It's completely realistic that Harry would drift into this numb-like state after having grieved for so long. There's only so much emotion that the body can handle before it decides that it can't cope with it anymore (and Harry's had a TON of emotion to try to deal with).

:( Harry and Ginny's sort of-relationship is rocky. It's understandable that Harry needed time to cope with what had happened, but so did Ginny. What I would think would have been the best way to do that was together, which I'm sure Ginny had in mind, but Harry found the need to isolate himself in his grief. That makes sense, and it happens sometimes. But, but...poor Harry!

Well, they might be yelling, but at least they're talking...and trying to deal with the deaths. Everything is probably not going to be fantastic, but it will probably be a little better after time. I wonder where Hermione and Ron have run off to...they're okay right? Please tell me that they are okay!!

And there's Luna :). She always has a way of showing up at odd times, doesn't she? Just follow Luna guys!

This was a great chapter! I can't wait to see what happens next!

-Rumpel

 Report Review

Review #6, by BookDinosaur Chapter 1

22nd February 2014:
Hello there! I'm so so sorry for the amount of time it has taken for me to gt your requested review to you. My only defensse is that RL has been a little hectic over the past ten days or so, but it's here now and that's what counts, right?

I think that too many peoplee think that after the war everybody's immediately happy and they alll skip off into the sunset with unicorns and rainbows. But real life isn't like that at all, and I'm really glad that you've decided to portray life after the war in such a bleak, negative sort of way.

I absolutely love the changes all the characters we see have gone through. They're bviously really different from the Harry, Ron and Hermione that we see in the books, and that's so realistic, judging by what's happened to them.

I loved the Ron section of this chapter, I think you wrote him really really well. It sort of brings out how he was a bit of a mother's boy, in the way that he automatically reverts to his mother's cure all - tea. I think that was a really nice touch, with him trying desperately to get things back to normal with something as small as tea.

The way that everyone's on eggshells around each other makes me really say. The three of them, plus Ginny, used to be on such good terms with each other and now everything is stilted and silent and bleak and awkward. The way Ron's just so confused over what to do and how to deal with his feelings were so real, and Ginny's anxiety for Harry was perfect as well.

I think you did a great job with the characterisation of Hermione here as well. As you said, fo once there's no book or spell she can use to fix everyone, and I think she doesn't really know how to cope with that. Books have alwyas been her refuge and now that books can't fix her problem she's a loss of what to do.

Colin Creevey's parents were absolutely heartbreaking as well. I think those feelings would be very realistic and how his mother just lost control with her grief was so sad. :(

This is a really nice start to your story, I really did enjoy reading it and Im so glad I had the chance to! :D

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for reviewing, don't worry I think it needs to be me apologising for how long it has taken for me to reply.

I really don't like stories where people ignore everything that has just happened and think that it would have no effect on everyone. I know that they would eventually heal and be happy but not the week after or whatever.

It was my favourite part to write to be honest, I imagine that's the sort of role he would take up.

I think that they will all be back to normal soon but obviously there are a couple of awkward conversations that need to be had and some healing to do aswell.

Thanks for taking the time to review this it means a lot

:)


 Report Review

Review #7, by toomanycurls Chapter 1

22nd February 2014:
oh man, angst, angst, sadness, angst.

I can really appreciate Ron's feeling of desperation at not knowing how to deal with his own grief, let alone that of his family and friends. I liked the idea of them all being despondant after going to so many funerals and not knowing how to move foward with their lives.

It seems to me that Ginny (and Hermione) are being a little hard on Ron (and Harry). I mean, they're struggling just as much as the others. :-/ It's kind of funny because I thought Ron was being as sensitive as I've seen him when he went to make tea for everyone.

Hermione's sense of losing control and not being capable of steering her life back in a good direction was just heartbreaking. I think ti's very common after so much loss and tragity to feel like that.

I hope there's something to help everyone perk up soon!

-Rose

Author's Response: Angst, what can you do though. :/

Thanks for the review! I think that's how they would all act, they don't really know what to do with themselves now after everything.

They are being hard on them, but Ginny has waited a long time for Harry so I guess she hates how he's acting.

I hope there is to!



 Report Review

Review #8, by Aphoride Prologue

22nd February 2014:
Hey there - thanks so much for the review swap! :)

So, I'm a huge fan of post-Hogwarts and post-war stories. It's such a traumatic and difficult time for all of the characters, you know, but it's also such a fascinating time, with people dealing with so many different, hard things...

I really, really like how you've characterised Harry! I love how he's finding it so difficult to cope with everything - with all the deaths he feels like he caused and all, and everything he feels responsible for - because it's such a human reaction. People can't be strong all the time, and they can't always deal with everything, particularly something as intense as that in such a short period of time.

I love the way you have the Weasleys and Hermione and Ginny trying to help him, and talk to him and be there for him, but he's the one pushing them away because he feels guilty and all. They're all pretty loyal characters, so it's such a good way to portray them!

The details in this were great too - how Harry's now a godfather and has a responsibility to Teddy, how Hermione's parents are still in Australia with their memories removed, how Fred's died, how Colin Creevey had his camera on his chest... they're such simple little things, but really, really great! :)

The only thing I would say is that you could maybe do with a little more description - like, when Harry pulls the covers over his head, what colour are they? Are there any smells around, like from food? Any noise in the background? What's the weather like - is it raining or windy? Your writing at the moment is great, really nice and clean and lovely, but a bit more description would make it even better ;)

Also, there's kinda odd formatting thing down at the bottom of the page - a quick edit would sort that out! :)

Apart from those things, which are fairly minor in the scale of it, this is a really good start! It's really interesting, and such a realistically sad beginning - your characterisation, as I said, is excellent. Really, really good.

So yeah, I enjoyed reading this - thank you again for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Him sorry it has taken me so long to get back to this review!

I love Post hogwarts stories , as you say there are so many different things to deal with and it's interesting how authors write about it.

Thanks! He's defiantly a hard character for me to write and it always feels like there's more pressure, because well, he's Harry Potter.

I will take your point about description and work on it, I can see what you mean reading it back.

I'm so happy that you enjoyed this and thanks for reviewing.


 Report Review

Review #9, by lindslo2012 Chapter 1

18th February 2014:
Hi,
back again!
And I liked this very much. That is so Ron, just wanting to comfort someone but not knowing now because he doesn't exactly have the emotional capability to.
Alot of men probably think that way. Poor Hermione, Ginny, and Mrs. Weasley, poor everyone:(
You described the scenes in this chapter so well.. so good that I almost felt like I was there!
Ron does need to talk to Hermione though, that is very important. Although by the pairings you have- it might not go well at all if he even ever does it.
Well, once again you wrote an awesome, well thought out chapter and you are very talented at writing! I am going to favorite this story because I want to know what happens next!
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Hey!

I'm so pleased you thought I wrote Ron well, I have to admit I was smiling to myself a little as I was writing it.

Woah that compliment was to much! like you were there :o wow thanks

Haha I'm not going to give anything away ;)

Thanks for your review it really does mean a lot!

Cannons


 Report Review

Review #10, by lindslo2012 Prologue

18th February 2014:
Hi!
Here for the review swap!
I was very interested when I saw this was a Harry/Hermione because I have been wanting to read one and haven't found time to here lately:)
I liked the way you expressed how much Harry was upset after the war. That is exactly the way I would imagine him- not wanting anyone around him, blaming himself.
I did not see any mistakes at all whatsoever in grammar except that some of the sentences didn't have a period on the end, but you might have meant to do that, :)
I think you have a brilliant start to a story and I am now off to read your first chapter. :D
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks for reviewing this for me. I'm pleased you enjoyed it and thanks so much for reviewing the next chapter as well.

Cannons!


 Report Review

Review #11, by Teddy1993 Chapter 2

16th February 2014:
Another terrific chapter. It's good to see Luna make an appearance. She is definitely one of my favourite characters, although the fact that Harry and Ginny just happen to walk into her at night and they have to follow her somewhere seems a little strange to me. I had the feeling that it might be a trap, especially because you ended the chapter at that point.

I loved every chapter so far. I really hope you'll carry on with this story and update soon. Great job so far!

Teddy

Author's Response: Hey Teddy!

Thanks for reviewing again it means a lot. I love Luna, she's one of my favourite characters as well. I'm not going to give anything away but I loved reading what you thought may happen!

I will defiantly keep writing this and I hope you keep enjoying it.

Cannons


 Report Review

Review #12, by Teddy1993 Chapter 1

16th February 2014:
Another great chapter. I especially loved the Hermione part. You really write her character well.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing again, and I'm so happy you think I write Hermione well.

 Report Review

Review #13, by Teddy1993 Prologue

16th February 2014:
This was amazing. I loved it. You handled that part with Harry and Ginny very well. Most authors get them back together immediately after the battle like nothing has happened during the year that they were apart. It seems only logical that everything they have been through makes being together hard for them or even (which I guess will be the case in your story) impossible.

This was a very interesting first chapter. Your writing is stirring and flawless. You certainly grabbed my attention.

Teddy

Author's Response: Hi Teddy!

Wow can I just thank you for reading and reviewing every chapter I've wrote so far, it seriously means a lot!

I'm so happy that you enjoyed it! I just think that things between them would be 'harder' then people usually imagine, some authors seem to ignore the previous year.

Thank you so much for all the compliments it's reviews like this that make the writing worth it!

Cannons


 Report Review

Review #14, by LumosWeasley Prologue

14th February 2014:
Hey, LumosWeasley here for the review swap!

I really like this so far! It's a great prologue and really makes me want to read more. The way that you showed how bad Harry feels is spot on. I think we all forget that even though Voldemort was gone, not everything went quickly back to normal. The little details that you added were great; I liked the bit about the garden gnomes. There were no huge errors or mistakes that I noticed, so that's good. Overall, I think that this is a great beginning to your novel :)

Author's Response: Hi,

thanks for reviewing this for me, it's always nice to get an opinion on something you've written!

I'm pleased that you thought I wrote Harry well because I'm always worrying about my characters.

I'm pleased you enjoyed the little details!

thanks for the awesome review!


 Report Review

Review #15, by Infinityx Chapter 2

12th February 2014:
Hello there! I'm here for your requested review!

I love the way you've begun this chapter. Harry's characterization seems spot on. He would definitely be feeling paranoid and jumpy so soon after the war. I think it was a great idea to describe him looking outside to check for anything unusual.

There's a bit of a problem with the paragraph spacing. I suggest you use the simple editor the next time you post up a chapter. It's easier to make sure such discrepancies don't occur. :)

I love how you've described Harry's feelings. A tear hadn't left his eye for two whole days, no matter how much he tried to make them fall, or how many memories of dead friends and relatives he made himself remember. This was a wonderful line. It's a lovely indicator of how it was time for him to stop grieving and move on with his life. He would never forget, but it was time to let the past go. And I think that was a very nice way of putting it.

I love the Dursley reference as well. Instead of just going through all the events, it's such little details that really emphasize each moment. I think it's great that you thought of including that bit in this chapter. And Harry's uncertainty of whether he would care if they were dead seemed accurate as well. I think his characterization has been done brilliantly.

I'm starting to dislike Ginny. She's really insensitive and doesn't understand what Harry is going through. She's suffering as well, with all that grief within her. Everyone's been affected by the war and they need to stick together to comfort each other. I get that she'd be hurt with the way Harry was behaving, but I thought she'd be a little more considerate of what he's going through as well.

It was sweet of Harry to apologize to her and try to fix things. Aww, poor thing. It's so like him to feel like he doesn't deserve her. He always did blame himself for the deaths that occurred and he loves her so much that he doesn't want her to be stuck with the boy who caused so much misery. :(

If Ginny followed Ron, how does she not know where they went?

Oh wow, that was so mean of Ginny. "Just like your responsible for the entire wizarding world?" I really don't like her anymore. Harry's reaction was so descriptive and chilling. I love the way you've written it. But I think that whole incident just happened and ended too fast. He was so quick to forgive her when she was crying, and that was fine. But I do think that some of the hurt would linger within him, even if he doesn't let her know about it.

I found that in a lot of places there are commas missing. Like for example, "you've been ignoring me and you hate me and Fred" There are two separate clauses there, and the mention of Fred is completely disassociated from the rest of the sentence. The way it's framed makes it seem like she's saying that Harry hates her and Fred.
This would be more understandable if you split it into two sentences. "you've been ignoring me, and you hate me. Fred..Fred is dead." Something like this would be more clear. There are also places where there are unnecessary commas, as well as the same problem that you had before with your and you're. I recommend that you find a beta to help you with all these. Believe me, it really makes a huge improvement to the story as it would flow better without these small things hindering it. :)

Oh yay! Luna has entered the story! I love Luna. She's such a cute, dreamy character. And I think the mysterious way in which she appears in that clearing fits her. There could be a little more explanation about how she knows where Ron and Hermione are though. Things seem to be happening fast and a few more details would help.

Aww, the tree. :') I hope Harry feels a little better now and opens up to his friends, Hermione especially. And I'm eager to see how each of their relationships would progress! Ginny's character seems a teeny bit off though. Her excitement at seeing the carving seems a bit overdone.

"it'll be worth the wait. Trust me." Luna seems to know a lot. I wonder how though. And this line seems to be so apt for her personality. It's like she has this mystery that will be revealed soon, and Luna is the all-knowing one. Silent and weird, but perceptive. She's just the cutest! I love how you've characterized her!

This chapter was wonderful! There were so many elements to it that I think you brought out really well, and I love your descriptions. I do recommend you get a beta though. There are so many helpful people on the forums. Overall, I loved this! There's so much potential to this story, and so many possibilities for how this plot would progress.

To address your area of concern, yes it indeed was engaging. It has the subtle air of mystery and anticipation about it. And I have a feeling there'll be a lot more angst coming up.

Great work! I really enjoyed reading this! I hope I wasn't too harsh in this review and that it's helpful. Feel free to re-request! I'll come back to read this later on anyway! :)

~Erin

Author's Response: Hey Erin, thanks for this insanely long review. I have left it for so long without replying because its intimidating! :P

I'm pleased you enjoyed the start with Harry being jumpy and paranoid, that's how I imagine he would act. Even if he didn't realise himself to what extent he was acting so paranoid. I'm not even sure if what I just wrote makes sense but I'm just going to go with it.

I don't know what you mean by the paragraph spacing because I use the simple editor already and it looks fine to me? Maybe pm me what the problem is :)

Harry letting the past go...yeah, that might be kind of hard... ;) I'm so happy with all the lovely compliments on how you think I've written Harry!

I'd be interested to hear your opinion of Ginny and if it changes if you read the story as I update it.

Thanks for pulling me up with the comma's! I do have a beta, the lovely Mahalia. She's very helpful. :)

I love Luna! You'll find out how she knows later if you read on.

Thanks for the helpful review and sorry that I have taken so long to respond!

Cannons






 Report Review

Review #16, by Lady Asphodel Chapter 2

11th February 2014:
Hm... for some reason... my intuition is telling me not to trust Luna for some reason... or at least in this chapter. I feel like she's a Death Eater in disguise... Or perhaps Harry's paranoia is rubbing off on me. Not sure. But you are doing a wonderful job making Harry jumpy and on edge of the dangers that can be lurking in the shadows! :D

The scene between Harry & Ginny was great part to read as well... you add more chemistry to them, that we really did not get to see in the books. ^_^


Anyways, I look forward to your next chapter! ♥




- Asphodel

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks so much for coming back and reviewing :D I didn't expect it at all!

Nice idea, although I'm not going to tell you if you are right or not because that would spoil it. Maybe his paranoia is just rubbing of on you though...;)

I'm pleased you thought the Harry/Ginny scene was good to read, because I kept switching it round and rewriting it...

Thanks for the review you're awesome :D


 Report Review

Review #17, by MistyWitch Chapter 2

8th February 2014:
Very Nice chapter. Harry's mental status and thoughts are seeming so real. Really liked this chapter...

Author's Response: thanks so much it really means a lot!

 Report Review

Review #18, by LightLeviosa5443 Chapter 1

8th January 2014:
Hey!

So I've been super behind on reading and reviewing all of these stories, and now's my chance to catch up! I really loved this chapter. It was powerful to see the pain in Ginny and Molly and Ron. It was interesting and very realistic. I want to see more of Ginny and Harry, in my opinion, Ginny should take her own advice and try harder. Everyone's going through grief, but I think Harry saw more than anyone did. Not that no one's grief is insignificant, but he shouldn't be forgotten simply because he isn't the only one.

I kind of want to see some George. How's he handling the whole thing? Poor Hermione, she's trying to be strong, and she can't be. I want Ron to find her and use his words.

This was a really good chapter. Well done!

xoxo LL

Author's Response: Hey, sorry it has taken me so long to respond!

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter as I liked writing this one.

Ginny taking her own advice in the mood she's in ... ;)

I feel like George is exactly like he is in my one shot about him, so not to good :(

thanks for the review :D





 Report Review

Review #19, by Lady Asphodel Chapter 1

31st December 2013:
wow! This was heart-string-pulling - ly beautiful! ♥

I can seriously feel the pain... of these characters, and the frustration!


And... I never felt so sorry for Ron... like... wow, I just wanted to gobble him up in a hug and comfort him because he emotionally... slow - I guess I can say. But poor him! :'(


And poor Harry - what in the world can we do for him!

You see - this is how I exactly imagine how this should have happened after the Battle of Hogwarts - and you wrote it so well that I might not write my own no more. Nope. :(

But anyways, I love this! :D Cannot wait for the next update! Please post the next chapter soon!



- Asphodel

Author's Response: THANK YOU SO FRIKING MUCH FOR THIS REVIEW :D

I would have responded sooner but I have been 'saving' it..

I'm so so pleased that you liked it and you defiantly need to write yours, I was looking forward to it :(

Thanks so much you have no idea how motivating this is!


 Report Review

Review #20, by Rumpelstiltskin Chapter 1

30th December 2013:
Hello!

I am here under the guise of the fourth day of 12 Days of Christmas! (I have been meaning to stop by for a while, anyway.)

The opening paragraph really sets the tone for the chapter. The sadness and despair really jump out from the symbolic meanings behind the cold cups of tea, forgotten food, and distant, self-involved thoughts.

One thing that I hadn't even considered involved the immense number of funerals that must have taken place immediately following the war's closure. Not only do I believe that it is positively fantastic that you included this, but I think that it is an essential element to your post-war plot. Since the characters are still being surrounded by death, still grieving and attempting to move on, the emotions are very true to what the characters would be realistically experiencing after the war.

This line, especially, hit me hard, "He remembered too much." It highlights just how much these characters have been through, and it is oh-so sad!

The emotions are so strong in this...I mean...wow. Ron's attempting to deal with his own grief while trying to soothe and deal with other people's grief (Ginny's, Molly's, Harry's, Hermione's, etc.). This is some great characterization for Ron, showing such strength. Gods...I just want to hug everybody :(.

The tension between Ginny and Ron is almost unbearable (in a fantastic way). It is understandable that, with emotions running with such discord, tempers would flare. I feel bad for Ron, though, as he is only attempting to be helpful. Given everything that he's been through and since he hasn't regressed to a state similar to Harry's, I think that he should be given a bit of leeway to not notice that Molly has fallen asleep at the table. I understand, though, that Ginny is just as upset as Ron must be.

...I do agree with Ginny's prompt for Ron to take his opportunities with Hermione, however. The birth of a new relationship will probably do wonderful things while dealing with grief.

Hermione's reflection on her parents is also very realistic. I wonder if that issue will ever be resolved. Poor Hermione. At least she is showing some signs of optimism. That's a great thing during such a terrible time.

This chapter was LOVELY! I can't wait for an update!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hey Rumpel!

What an unexpected review and such a long one as well :) I'm feeling a bit out of the loop as I had no idea what the 12 days of Christmas was :P

I'm glad you liked the opening paragraph, that's always a good thing :D

I really do feel that in some post-war fics things get glossed over a little to much so that it becomes unrealistic so I'm really trying to make it feel real and believable.

Sadness :(

Feel free to hug Ron, he needs one!

I'm pleased you found the tension almost unbearable, that made me smile :)

I'm terrible at responding to reviews but I was so happy when I saw this and read through it!

Cannons!





 Report Review

Review #21, by ReeBee Chapter 1

27th December 2013:
Hi Cannons!

Since I enjoyed reading the last chapter, I thought I'd read this :) This was awesome!!!

God, you had me tearing up at the raw emotion in this! Wow. It was amazing! I'm at a loss for words... :( even though she wasn't a major part, I loved Mrs Weasley in this :)

And Fred's mention (even the small ones like the clock), left me so depressed (a good thing), it just brought back the emotions when reading Deathly Hallows! And Colin! No! Anyway, it was sad and so beautifully written :)

The characterisation was perfect. It's so like the trio to go to all the funerals and when Hermione left the room after Ron tried giving her tea, I could imagine her doing that and the look she would give Ron!

Hm, the only CC is a few typos. But, I'm not going to be petty and point them out :)

Great Job Cannons!

-ReeBee

Author's Response: Hey Ree, thanks for coming back and leaving an awesome review again! I just want to say that when I left your review it cut of half of it and I only just realised today when I went back to check, so I'm so sorry about that.

It's good that you liked Mrs Weasley I don't like writing her so being so miserable but it has to be done.

Awhh your to kind, characterisations were perfect ... :o , I can't respond to that suitably! :D

Thanks for leaving a review, it was so motivating!


 Report Review

Review #22, by kenpo Chapter 1

24th December 2013:
Hey, here with your requested review.

Overall, I really hated this chapter, but in a good way. I hate seeing the characters so heartbroken (that was a very hypocritical statement).

I really like that it started from Ron's perspective! I love the way you portrayed him! He tries really hard, but he's just not good at being "that" guy. His lack of apparent empathy doesn't mean he doesn't care, though!

When you shifted Hermione, I liked that her part was more internal. She lives very much inside her own head, and I think that came across well.

I hated/enjoyed that you kept going back to Colin Creevey. It was so sad, but it worked so well. He was the ultimate innocent death. The fact that he was buried with his camera... the feels were strong, there. His parent's reaction was really interesting. I hadn't thought about how it'd be for the parents of Muggle-Born witches and wizards.

I'd work on varying your description. There were times that you'd use the same words twice in a paragraph, or in a really similar way (such as using "cold" to describe both the eggs and the tea)

Speaking of the tea, Poor Ron! He doesn't know what to do, so he just makes tea. That seems like something he'd do. Ginny's anger also seems very natural.

There were also some grammar mistakes in there (your/you're), but if you just read through it slowly they should jump out at you.

In general, you captured the anguish and the different ways that the different characters deal with their grief well. I thought that it was believable, and it didn't leave me with a sense of "No. Hermione wouldn't do that. Ginny would never say that!".

You mentioned in your request that there are non-canon ships. That's fine. Feel free to rerequest!

Author's Response: Hey Kenpo :)

You had me sad for a second when you said you hated the chapter ;)

I enjoy writing in Ron's perspective, it's so fun. It's true that he isn't very good at being 'that' guy and that's one of the best things about him! It makes him so much more real.

I did use Colin a lot to push the idea of death and mourning forward because as you say 'the ultimate innocent death'

I do that without even noticing so I need to work on that defiantly! thanks for pointing that out :)

I'm so pleased that you thought it was believable because that was one of the things I was worried about. I wanted it stay as believable as it could.

Thanks for the review I appreciate it, and I will defiantly re-request!


 Report Review

Review #23, by Infinityx Chapter 1

22nd December 2013:
Hi there!

I think you completely brought out the despair and helplessness in this chapter. For a moment I thought I was going to cry myself!

It would have been nice if something more had happened though. It seemed like a very short chapter. But since its the first one, I guess that's okay.

There are some places where punctuation has been neglected or there's a slight mistake. For instance, there needs to be a comma between cold and half eaten eggs. Also Ron says "Your ungrateful". It should be you're and not your. Other than that there was nothing major that struck me.

I love how you added that part about Colin's parents' reactions. It totally added to the mood of the chapter.

I also loved the the way Hermione carved the names into the tree. It was a very subtly emotional moment and it really moved me. Overall, I think it was a very powerful and effective chapter.

- Erin.

Author's Response: Hi Erin, thank you for the review it was very helpful indeed, especially your help with the punctuation and 'You're' I'm always doing that.

I'm pleased you liked the addition of Colin's parents.

I'm happy that it Hermione carving the names in to the tree's moved you :)

Thanks for the review :)



 Report Review

Review #24, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing Prologue

22nd December 2013:
Hello!

So sorry it's taken me ages to get around to this :(

To answer your areas of concern straight away, yes... I found this really interesting and I would most definitely be interested in reading on!

The one thing that strikes me most when reading this is how well you've written Harry. I think you've done an excellent job of writing that side of him that constantly beats himself up over what happens. Things aren't his fault yet he blames himself for everything. Very good job on that... that can't have been easy at all.

Continuing the theme of the good characterisation, Hermione is also very well done. Not giving up on Harry and doing all she can to get him to open up and let them help him, was very Hermione. Again, I think Hermione isn't easy to write, I've read stories where people have done such a bad job of her but I didn't get that at all from this. It could quite easily have been the first chapter of an eighth book.

I was really torn when I read the bit about Ginny. I'm a total Harry/Ginny shipper, I always wanted them to be together so it's hard to read them going through a tough time but I think it's completely necessary. They've just been through a war with so many casualties, not least Ginny's brother. They're not instantly going to be all lovey dovey and fine, so yeah, good job. It felt very true to what could have happened to me!

I didn't notice any spelling/grammar issues or anything, I just really enjoyed the first chapter! Great job, I look forward to reading more!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hi Lauren, my internet is back so I can finally reply to this awesome review!

Well I'm glad you found it interesting because it would have been awkward if you hadn't ;)

Thanks for the compliment on how I've written Harry, I really think he would react worse then people expect. I mean how many deaths can one person really deal with!

'It could quite easily have been the first chapter of an eighth book.' - wow, I didn't expect that! I don't know what to say :P

Thanks for the awesome review, I'm so bad at responding to reviews :L



 Report Review

Review #25, by MistyWitch Chapter 1

16th December 2013:
Nice and well written chapter... You have really brought out the angst and changed personalities of each character.

Author's Response: Thanks so much, I'm so happy your enjoying it. :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>