Reading Reviews for Broken Link
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by toomanycurls Start of something bad and good

19th January 2014:
Hello!! Starting on your review request. I usually do one chapter at a time but your story isn't terribly long. :)

You have a really good sense of drama in the dream sequence. It felt like a very realistic fear for Draco to have, especially given the tough situation the Malfoys were in during the 2nd war.

It's a bit strange to have Draco thinking of Hermione in a positive way right off the bat. You could add something about how he's always respected her intelligence even if her blood status doesn't equal his own - just because he's never shown to have any positive thoughts towards her and he's holding her in rather high regard here. Also, imagining her as his gf is quite a jump from being archnemesis.

Hermione seems a bit more meek and plyable with Ron than she usually is (in general or with him). I can buy Ron being an abusive guy though - he never seemed to have the confidence to keep up with Hermione.

The action becomes a bit fuzzy when Hermione asks Draco to go with her. Why does he decide to go with her?

I get why Hermione is apologizing but not why Draco apologized. What made him feel remorse for his actions? I kind of like that Hermione laughed - but her behavior is a bit vexing to me. I think a bit of insight to their conversation would help the reader understand why they went from enemies to at ease in the span of a conversation. Their wounds run deep and would take a long time to undo.

Ron seems appropriately horrible for how he's usually portrayed when Hermione leaves him in stories.

You do a really good job with getting a sense of drama through your writing but you could try describing the scene and action a little more. let the reader see what's going on inside everyone's head and what their motivations are.

You had quite a few spelling and punctuation errors. It takes a bit to remember all the technical rules of writing but there are a lot of good resources on the forums and web. I can point you to a few if you're interested.

Oh, one last note - Having interesting chapter names does a good job to entice readers to the story. If you're not going to do chapter names, try having just "Chapter 1" instead of what looks like the file name for your chapter.

-Rose

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for granting my request. I appreciate it a lot. And i would be much thankful if you can give me some good resources for me to improve my writing specially when it comes to grammar,dialogues and punctuations. And when it comes to the story flow i now realized that it lacks some information and it goes a little fast. Im planning to edit it again before i proceed with the latest chapter. Its nice that somehow you like some parts of the story. Thanks again for the review, enjoy writing :)

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Review #2, by Iellwen Start of something bad and good

11th December 2013:
Hey there!

It's difficult to enjoy reading a story when the tenses just back and forth and hardly any dialogs start with a capital (CAPS).
You should consider applying for a beta-reader on the forums or sth, for the presentation etc.

Otherwise a cute Dramione. Update soon and keep writing! :)

Author's Response: hello, thanks for the review, actually its my first time to write a story, thats why am not so familiar with the proper tenses, dialogs and others, hope someone can help me. Ill consider your advice on applying for a beta-reader. Thanks :)

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