Reading Reviews for The Common Welsh Green
  
27 Reviews Found

Review #1, by kenpo Trying To Ride A Dragon

18th March 2014:
Hey, here for the BvB battle!!

I think it's hilarious that being a Healer is disappointing. For most families, that'd probably be fantastic news, but for a Potter? Nope!!

I am curious to see what Al and James do...

I really like the way that you've portrayed the characters. Lily seems really smart and serious about her work, but James just wants to be silly.

We WOULD try to ride a dragon. Sigh. My face would turn purple, too.

I'm really interested to see what you do with Lily, because she's often one of the characters that has the most varied interpretation.

I'm looking forward to seeing more of Austin... wink wink.

No, not like that.

I take back my winks.

I like the way you've portrayed the medical stuff. I thought it was good how there wasn't an immediate fix to the burn and he'd have to stay there a few days, just like us muggles!!

I thought this was an entertaining first chapter that piqued my interest.

Author's Response: Hi!!

Haha, well, I mean, everyone else is doing super famous fabulous things that get them in the papers, and she's just a healer. No paper's for you, Lily! Which is what she wants, so it's cool, bro. (yes, I just bro'd you)

Yay, you like my characters! Woo! Um, I had so much fun writing that scene. And your face would definitely turn purple. Let's be realistic here. I'd totes be the James in this situation.

Yeah? That's how you feel? Don't hold back :P You can keep your winks. Haha.

Thanks! You're the first person to ever comment on him staying overnight!

Thanks for reading it, I thought for sure you'd read DSTPW or something.

xoxo Sarah


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Review #2, by Maelody How To Be The Favourite Child

10th February 2014:
So let me get this straight, she can't talk with her mouth full, but she can say w.anker at the table? XD Dinner etiquette at its best ;).

I feel like the whole family just expected something stupid about James haha. Though they had appropriate responses.

I like what you did with Ginny and Hermione. It was refreshing. And Harry was really awesome! I always love reading anything with Harry being a dad. They're the best :)

XD James being dropped down the stairs? She has weird dreams lol.

Can't wait for another update! This story is pretty funny. I like Lily stories because everyone sees her so differently. I can't believe she didn't tell her mom about the kiss. Of course, maybe she doesn't want to bring anything up that could be nothing. At least, what she thinks right now.

Alright! I'll wait patiently for an update! You're doing great! Keep it up! I can't wait to see what's going on with your Wotter family!

~Mae

Author's Response: Hi!

Is wanker more of a swear? :P Plus, I feel like Ginny would be more likely to let swearing slip than talking with your mouth full. Haha, who doesn't expect something stupid about James. ;)

I'm glad that you liked the chapter!! I promise I'll update it soon! It's next on the list since I've been neglecting it!!

xoxo Sarah


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Review #3, by Maelody Trying To Ride A Dragon

10th February 2014:
Well, Austin is a bit forward now isn't he? Perhaps something happened between the two of then before, yeah? ;)

I like that she's a healer, and the way that everyone is so disappointed in such an accomplishment is sort of funny. The poor girl though lol.

James is really funny. I can definitely see his character being that way, and how he just decided to rise the dragon was great. There's a great sibling relationship there. I wonder how he feels about the whole Austin/Lily thing?

Well, yet another story of yours I'm reading, and may I say you don't disappoint! I love your stories! You do really well at writing! :D I'll move on now! :)

Author's Response: I've totally been reviewing these backwards, but thanks for all of these reviews, they were awesome to wake up to ;)

Austin is very forward, you'll just have to keep reading to find that one out, though!

Haha, that's kind of exactly what I was going for, she thought being a Healer would be impressive, especially with how good she is, but everyone thought she'd be a star in her mothers footsteps! Poor Lily.

I'm glad you liked James, and again, you'll find out!

I'm so glad that you like my stories! That's so nice of you!!! Thanks so so so so so much!

xoxo Sarah


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Review #4, by celadon How To Be The Favourite Child

5th February 2014:
Here for the review battle!

You know I thought that nothing was better than Lily's reaction to James' little...incident. Boy, did I not anticipate Ginny's reaction! James sure is in for an earful when he comes home.

I think as the story progresses we get to know more about Lily's personality. She's very analytical about situations. I was really impressed by how she reasoned who was going to be at her parents' home before she even got there. She's also really organized as seen in her night time ritual of sorts. Boy, do I envy those organized people. I'm turning out to be more and more like James :P
What I really liked about Lily's personality is how it is influenced by her siblings and family. She's the youngest and is constantly overshadowed by her cousins and brothers. It makes her want to strive to be the best. For example how she became top of the class when Rose was considered the genius of the family. I think that it's this combination of determination and responsibility that makes her so successful in her career. If only her love life could be that simple ;)

It was a lovely piece of writing, which I found highly amusing and touching at the same time. You are so good at describing family interactions that the story really seems to come alive. It's that realistic! Great Job and I shall be waiting eagerly for an update!

Author's Response: Wow, this review is so sweet!!!

Haha, I loved writing the reactions!

I'm so glad you see her that way! I wanted to show how her family plays a huge part in who she is, and how she acts. I know that my family and how they interact with me is what makes me want to strive to do so well. I figured with her family being even more influential, tight knit and larger, she'd have the same sort of pressures and mind-set!

I'm so glad that you liked the chapter!! Thank you so so so so so much! That is such a lovely compliment.

It should be updated soon! :)


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Review #5, by Lostmyheart How To Be The Favourite Child

31st January 2014:
Hi again.

Very lovely chapter!
I could very easily see the family dinner, and how close they all were. That's how I always imagined it would be for them, when they grew older.

I was surprised to see that several thought you meant Ginny wanted Lily to dress provocatively (or something in that direction.)
I didn't misunderstand it, unless you re-wrote it to make it more clear :)
But I can imagive she'd want her daughter to be happy and not just a work-o-holic, she's is 26 - so it's understandable that Ginny wants her to find a man before "it's too late" :)

It's a very interesting story and I can't wait to see the rest of it!

Thumbs up!
- Avi

Author's Response: Hi again!

Ah yay! I'm glad you liked it!

OH MY GOODNESS YOU GOT IT! You're like the first person to have got what I was trying to convey there. I am so happy right now I just did a happy dance. I was worried I'd have to re-write the scene because nobody was getting it!!

Thanks so much!

I will update it soon!

xoxo Sarah


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Review #6, by Lostmyheart Trying To Ride A Dragon

31st January 2014:
Hi!

My turn to review your stories now, haha.
It's my day off school, so I thought I'd take a look at your stories!

As you very well know, I don't write any Next Gen stories, or read them... Though I don't have anything against them!

So reading this story, was very refreshing!
I must say, you're a very talented writer. Honest to merlin. You write exceptionally well and in a way that's fun to read.

I really get into her character and her personality. I love how you've formed her.

The part with describing the hospital was very good, and how she loved working in her floor.
I also liked the last part with the kiss/lip brushing, it was very sweet!

And even though it's been YEARS since the Golden Trio saved the wizarding world, the press still loves them and apparently chase their childrens lives as well, so it was a fun detail with them being disappointed with her choice of career.

Anyway, loved your first chapter of this story :)

Hugs
- Avi

Author's Response: Hi!!

Awe, you're so sweet!

I'm so glad you liked the story, and oh my goodness I am blushing!! Thank you so so so much!!

I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

xoxo Sarah


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Review #7, by keyty How To Be The Favourite Child

30th January 2014:
Okay, I read this last night, but I didn't have a chance to review. So here I am!

I am liking this story quite a bit. I love how Lily is just so blunt and is still a kid when it comes to her brothers. I also really like how you showed Ginny and The Trio as adults. I was really excited to see how they would be. I think you portrayed them very well. I'm not sure Ginny would be so into getting Lily a husband, but that's totally up to interpretation. And it does kind of make sense when you think about how she married her first love, and Lily is now 26 and single. So I can see where you're coming from.

I can't wait to read the rest! So update!! :)

Author's Response: Hi!!

I'm so glad you came back and reviewed!! I'm so glad you like the story. I really wanted to show that side of sibling rivalry that just always brings out the kid in us, because I know it does that for me all the time!! I always pictured Ginny being a little bit like her Mum, and Molly was definitely all about her kids happiness, but also making sure they weren't with the wrong person, think of Fleur. She hated Fleur at first, so I really tried to combine everything I've seen, and my own personal interpretation, but I love that you get that!

I'll update soon! This is second or third in my list of things to update next, so it'll be up before February ends, I promise!!

Thanks for the review!!

xoxo Sarah


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Review #8, by keyty Trying To Ride A Dragon

26th January 2014:
Hey girl. I thought I'd leave a review for this lovely story.

As you know, I'm not very familiar with NextGen stuff at all, so this is an interesting change for me. I like that it takes place after Hogwarts, I haven't read too many fics that do that. Usually fics take place while the characters are at school, but this is different. It leaves more of a past for the characters to have, which can add more mystery.

There were a few grammar/punctuation errors here and there, nothing too major. For me it's a bit of a pet peeve, so if I were you I would skim through it one more time and see if you can catch everything. (If you want, I'd be happy to point everything out to you. There really aren't that many errors).

Other than that it flows really well, and I like that you don't focus too much on one subject. I think that's something that causes people to skim through instead of reading everything, and you do a really good job of preventing that. It was also very helpful that you explained how St. Mungo's is laid out, because not everyone knows about it.

Overall this is a really strong chapter. On to the next one!

Author's Response: Awwe! Thanks so much!!

I almost put it during Hogwarts, but I felt like there's only so much people can do under the age of like 22 until you're going "That's unrealistic". Plus it was fun to write them as grown ups with some of those childish traits that siblings bring out in us.

Feel free to point them out! I miss them all the time! (I've probably skimmed through this particular chapter like 3 or 4 times). Thanks so much!! I had a tough time writing about Mungo's, but felt ti was necessary so I'm glad you liked that!

Thanks!!

xoxo Sarah


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Review #9, by Wildmoon How To Be The Favourite Child

14th January 2014:
I think we forget how much pressure must have been on all those kids because of who their parents were. It's nice to see Lily struggling with that. It's nice to see that Hermione's kids didn't get all the brains too.

I love the comment about Harry being Ginny's first love. While that's certainly true, it would be interesting to see what would happen if Lily found out that Harry wasn't Ginny's only relationship during her teen years. I can see a horrified child at the thought of her mum dating someone else!

Great work, keep it up.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your reviews! I appreciate you taking the time to comment!

xoxo LL


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Review #10, by Wildmoon Trying To Ride A Dragon

14th January 2014:
Regarding your note about the hospital detail, I think you're fine. Any fan who's read OOTP will know the hospital layout, we certainly aren't missing anything. No worries there.

I love that Lily is a healer, and I love the interplay with James. I can certainly see James doing something like that, particularly if he is unattached.

Great start!

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks for the review! The hospital was definitely a little tough to write. James was so much fun to write in this!

Glad you liked it!

xoxo LL


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Review #11, by UnluckyStar57 Trying To Ride A Dragon

11th January 2014:
Hello! I'm here from the BvB Review Battle. Since I've already reviewed the second chapter of this, I thought I'd come back for the first one. :)

I really love this story so far! I certainly hope that you update it very soon, because I really want to find out what happens in the third chapter!

But this is the first chapter, so I'll talk about that.

The fact that Lily is a Healer is extremely awesome. Good for her, not living up to expectations and being a Quidditch player! As a Healer, she gets to see all of the interesting things--like the Quidditch players who come in after getting hurt in matches. :)

But I guess that Quidditch players are not in her line of work, huh? It was REALLY impressive that she could identify James' injury as soon as she saw it, and I'm glad she helped him (even though he was really stupid for trying to ride the dragon in the first place!).

Meanwhile, Austin! He just turns up out of the blue and kisses her?! Wow, he's got some explaining to do, and I hope that he starts explaining himself pretty soon! He'd better have honorable intentions... Lily seems like she knows what she's doing, but love is blind, after all, and the very charming Austin could probably sweep her off her feet if she isn't too careful. :)

This is a great first chapter! Please update soon! :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks for this review!! It was awesome!!

I really liked making Lily be something so different from the rest of her family, and what expectations would have her be. So I'm glad you liked that! I wanted to make her as impressive as possible, and he was really stupid. But I feel like that's James for you.

I know, I know. Austin does have explaining to do, which he will in a few chapters' time. You'll learn all about the mysterious Austin. And I do agree, love is blind, but Lily is even stronger than she seems. I can't wait for you to read what's next.

xoxo LL


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Review #12, by marauderfan How To Be The Favourite Child

8th January 2014:
Even better, the more people to get James in trouble in front of. -- Such a classic little sister ;) Loving the characterisation of Lily. Annoying quirks like this make her quite believable.

Ginny the matchmaker! Never would have seen that coming but I kind of like it, haha! Especially because she's terrible at it. That I could see. :p

You know, when Ginny got all pushy about Lily's love life at the end I was kind of wondering whether she seemed OOC, but then you/Lily reminded me that when Ginny was Lily's age in the story, she was already married to her childhood sweetheart and had a kid. I hadn't really considered it before but it does make sense that Ginny would be concerned about her daughter ending up alone, given how her own love life went so easy! So, nice job making that believable.

Same goes for Lily. She seemed awfully snobby, particularly when she was listing off her oh-so-amazing accomplishments and wonderful Hogwarts marks. But of course she would, she wants to make a name for herself that's not "Harry Potter's daughter". So I guess her snobbyness is justified - she worked hard to get where she is and it shows. Although she does act a little younger than 26, I think ;)

I love that everyone in the family talks with food in their mouths, btw.

The only thing I think you might potentially change about this chapter would be Lily's story that she tells the family, as it's a repeat of everything that already happened in the first chapter. Maybe instead of focusing on what Lily is saying, focus on the reactions of the family?

Anyway, nice job on this :) Fun story so far!

Author's Response: Two reviews?! How did I get this lucky?!

Haha I loved writing Lily the tattle tale here. It was so fun, and I really enjoyed looking into different sibling relationships to personify her the best I could. A couple of people have commented on Ginny, but I kept it that way for that reason. All a mother wants to see is her daughter be happy, Ginny had it so easy, she just wants to make sure Lily will be happy.

I was trying to really show how hard she tried yet she would get overshadowed by her brothers despite that, I've found there's really no way to mention someone did well in something without them coming off snobby. I was trying to make it seem justified so I'm glad you thought that! And yes, her brothers might just bring out the 16 year old in her, but what siblings don't?

Right? Isn't that awesome?

I'll check out that part, that's actually a really good point, so thanks for making it.

Thank you so so much for these reviews, they meant so much to me and were really nice to wake up to!!!

xoxo LL


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Review #13, by marauderfan Trying To Ride A Dragon

8th January 2014:
Saw your blog on the forums so I stopped over to share some love :)

Lol, I love that Lily chose her branch of Healing based on a process of elimination because she didn't like what they did on the other floors :p She is an odd one. I was also pretty amused when she was hoping for an interesting creature-induced injury for the day. She sees them as patients, not people. Which is a little ridiculous when waiting for something to do/someone to get hurt, but probably helps to distance herself when she has to treat something really bad.

Lily has a very long day if she has nine hours before lunch! That is a job I'd never be able to have. I love food.

Hahahaha, oh I love that James just super casually strolls in and has a dragon bite on his leg. Because he was following in his parents' footsteps and trying to ride a dragon. That's so great. I imagine Harry won't be too pleased to find out about that - even if James tries some line about his Dad being an inspiration. Hahaha. I can just imagine the dragon story as one that Harry never wanted to tell his children - probably for this reason :p

I'm glad you included all the hospital details, to be honest. I love details, it's what helps set the scene and give you some sense of background, and you did well here. I love the random daily events like the woman with the evil spider bite (ugh that sounds awful.)

Austin... what a player. I don't trust him. Lily, don't get too close to him! ;)

This is a good first chapter, very entertaining! Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Hi! You're too sweet! Thanks so much!!!

This chapter was so much fun to write, the Potters are so fun and quirky, in my eyes, so I really enjoyed bringing them to life. Lily is one of my favorite characters. Ever, she's so unique it's perfect.

Writing the hospital details was actually the hardest part about writing this chapter. I was afraid that there was too much or too little, if I did it wrong, etc. So I'm glad you liked it!!

We'll see on Austin!!

Thanks so much for the lovely review! I appreciate it! What a treat to wake up to!!

xoxo LL


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Review #14, by celadon Trying To Ride A Dragon

1st January 2014:
Team Bronze for the win!
This is such a great start! I like Lily so much already. It's ironic that she's the youngest sibling but dominates over James. She represents the modern witch who has a mind of her own and doesn't follow rules that don't make sense to her. It's a refreshing change from self-depreciating damsels in distress. She actually reminds me a lot of Ginny. Except for the whole Quidditch issue, obviously.

Oh, James. Trying to ride the dragon? Gryffindors and their recklessness. Or perhaps it's genetics. Either way, Lily really gave it to him. If I had to quote my favourite line, I would probably end up pasting that whole exchange where Lily just yells her head off at him. It's a good thing that James has bravery to back him up. I would probably be cowering after that.

Yet, Lily definitely seems to have a romantic side. The classic brother's best friend. Austin seems to be quite an interesting guy. I can't wait to see more of him in the following chapters! Love your writing style :)

Author's Response: Yay Team Bronze!

Thanks so much, this is probably one of the loveliest reviews I've gotten. I am so glad that you like Lily. I didn't want her to be dominated over by everyone else, and I'm so glad that she reminds you of Ginny because that's a bit what I was going for here.

I had this plunny of someone trying to ride a dragon and I thought well, let's make it be in this story, and it'll be James. Because who else would try?

Right? That whole section where Lily is getting mad at him is most definitely my favourite part!!! I'm so glad you liked the story and thanks so much!

xoxo LL


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Review #15, by BookDinosaur Trying To Ride A Dragon

1st January 2014:
Hello! I'm here for the BvB Review Battle! And, well, it seems right that I should review your Lily II story when you reviewed mine!

I really enjoyed reading this chapter, I think that you characterised Lily very well here. The way that she disliked celebrity and became a healer to avoid all that was really realistic and I enjoyed reading that a lot. I'm really glad you touched on the issue of celebrity here, because I think that it would be a very large part of all the next-gen characters' lives.

I'm loving the description of St Mungo's you had going on as well, and mentioning those obscure names we heard only a couple of times during OotP was a lovely touch as well, it really helped us establish the atmosphere of the story, so kudos to you for that. I loved your descriptions of the different levels of St Mungo's as well, it shows us that Lily's been around for a while and that she knows a lot about the place.

Ah, and James is such an idiot! But somehow, his idiocly is endearing to me, I like him, haha. Lily seems to be the more sensible one of the lot, yelling at James for trying to rise a dragon. I would yell at my brother if he tried to ride on a dragon, haha!

And ooh, what's Austin got to do with this? Your building up of the suspense was really goo, and if anything, my CC would be to give us more background on Austin, but since this is only a first chapter, I supose it will come with time, so you can ignore that if you want. But it's very intriuing, how he and Lily interact, and I would love to find out more. I might even have to read on! :P

There was just one thing that confused me - if Austin just came to pick James up when he was in trouble, why does he have a burn on his hand? Did he get too close to the dragon? Because you would think that James would move as far away from the dragon as he could when he got burned. Also, they had cell phones? I mean, I understand that the Wizarding world will have developed by the next-gen era, but another comment thrown in about that to explain would have been nice. :)

All in all, this was a great first chapter, it sucked me as the reader in enough that it's making me want to read on. Well done on a great job!

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks!!

I'm so glad you like my Lily II, I definitely felt like of all the cousins she'd probably be the least likely to enjoy all of the fame and attention.

The part where Mungos was being described was actually my biggest worry, so I'm so glad you liked that!

Austin is meant to be very much a mystery at this point. He was lying to Lily when he said he picked up James, he was with him, he just wasn't actually trying to ride the dragon like James was. As for Austin, it'll be explained in a chapter or two, but he's Muggle-born and his parents insist on him having a phone.

I'm glad you liked it though!!! Thanks so much!!

xoxo LL


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Review #16, by ReeBee How To Be The Favourite Child

19th December 2013:
Hi there LL!

Here's another super late requested review from me!

I'm really interested as to where this story's going! Like seriously, you've got me completely hooked :)

Okay, first of all, the flow is extremely well handled! Nothing's too rushed or too draggy. You've used the perfect amount of description to control the speed of everything! So, kudos to you, Ive seen so many amazing authors who don't do that!

Okay, now some CC. The only thing I think you could have added is some of the main plot. I don't really know where this is going to go next; the plot is a bit hidden and this chapter was a bit filler-y. Don't get me wrong, I like filler chapters but it could have incorporated some more of the main plot.

Another thing is sticking to canon. I love your portrayal of Ginny in this, but I don't think it's really sticking to JK's version of Ginny. I don't mean that in an offence way. I think Ginny wanting to set Lily up is completely believable, but I think that the clothing aspect is a bit different. And Hermione not being happy for Lily beating Rose is also a bit weird to me. After all, this was the lady who was happy that Harry beat her in DADA. That being said, other than those two things, I think you've pulled it off extremely well! Harry and Ron are spot on canon and Hermione is also written quite well.

The last thing I think that could be improved is characterisation of Lily. I understand that you want to make her amazing, for the first time. And I agree, there are way too many fics with Al and James who are the perfect child. But, in this chapter she seems a bit too bitter and rude. I understand that you want to convey her attitude that way- but instead of playful, sheís rude.

Im sorry if this came off as a negative review, it wasnít! I really did enjoy this chapter and canít wait to see more of Austin Barclay!

Please feel free to rerequest :)

-ReeBee :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks love!

I'm glad that the flow was good! And the amount of description was good as well!!

This chapter was very much meant to be a filler chapter. I'm not entirely sure what the next chapter WILL be, as I decided I didn't like half of the story and am reworking it before writing out chapters.

As for Ginny, I agree that the way I worded the whole clothing thing makes it come off a bit different. I meant it more in a, if you dressed nicer and prettier, sort of thing. You know how moms can get sometimes!!

Hermione - I really wanted to make her a bit different, she's happy that Lily did so well, but she also prided herself on her brains, and when her daughter was following her footsteps it was perfect, until Lily beat her out. She's also older, so I figured now that she's settled a bit, she'd focus more on her children's success and would want to see them succeed as much as she did. I don't know, that all made sense in my head.

I'll go back through and see what I can do to tweak it. I definitely wanted her to seem a bit of a brat in a way. My sister is the favourite child, and she can be a brat a lot so I certainly wanted that in there. I think the mix probably came off wrong.

It didn't come off as negative at all, CC never sounds good! I just like explaining my why's and what-for's in my responses. I'll certainly re-request when I update!!

xoxo LL


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Review #17, by ReeBee Trying To Ride A Dragon

11th December 2013:
Hey LL!!! :D

Awesome start you've got here! Gosh, I was so interested that I completely forgot to nit pick! Now, I have to go back and read it again... -_-

Hello again!! I'm back! Finished rereading and I'm here with some CC and a lot of praise! We'll start with the praise.

Description! Wow! In the first half- it controlled plot flow fabulously! I've read heaps of fics that the plot flow is too draggy or too quick- usually the main antidote to that problem is description! This is a perfect example of how to use description to control timing!

But one thing- where she expects a good case, but its ply a kneazle bite. I think a bit more build up could be put into that- so it can be a more disappointed feeling. Maybe u could have her go on about how she feels when she gets a case (all heroic or something like that).

The only other thing that stuck out at me was characterisation. James' and Lily's could be assumed from the dialogue, but, maybe a bit more on Austin. I understand it's the first chapter, so not much. Just a sentence here and a sentence there? It would be good :) Oh, and simple sentences not long rambling paragraphs, eg. "He looked at me with his traditional when-I-know-I'm going-bepforgiven smirk" Just something like that would tell us that he's forgiven a lot. Oh, btw, that wasn't a suggestion- it was based off a character fro my WIP :)

The mystery's killing! Why did he kiss her?!?! That's a compliment, btw :) I did think that part was a bit abrupt, but, I hd a feeling that u wanted it to be. So, if u did, all's well, if u didn't- I think u should leave it that abrupt :)

And about the popularity issue. Yes- its because thats a Scorose. This is not bad! Quite the contrary actually :)

Please feel free to rerequest :)

-ReeBee :)

Author's Response: Hi! Yay! Your review totally just made my day! Thank you so much for the praise, and the comments. There's nothing better than coming home to reviews, and it's even more amazing when the review is a nice one!!

I'm so glad you had to re-read it a second time to find things to fix!!

I'm so glad that my description was good! I'm always worried about whether or not I'm describing things too much or too little, I actually was iffy on the first half because I though it might be too much, so I'm so glad that it's not! Oh my gosh you used the word perfect and example about MY story!! *runs in circles*

SQUEEE!

Thanks for the comment on the Kneazle bite, I can totally see what you mean about how a little more build up can be thrown in, I'll definitely look into it for when I go through and edit all of my stories!!

Austin will have much more of everything in the upcoming chapters, right now I want him to remain as much of a mystery as possible.

As for why he kissed her, you'll just have to keep reading to find out! I did intend for it to be abrupt, because it'll all make sense when you find out later. It's also just how he is, abrupt.

Okay, I'm glad that it's just because it's a Scorose, and I'm so glad that it's quite the contrary of bad!!

I will absolutely re-request!!

Thank you so so so much for the awesome review! *hugs*

xoxo LL


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Review #18, by smitlikesllamas Trying To Ride A Dragon

11th December 2013:
Hi! Thanks for requesting, this was a good read!

The chapter itself was interesting, and definitely made me want to read more of the story. I'd like to know more of the back story with Austin, as well as why Lily wants to be so different. I mean, I totally understand, but I would like to "hear it from her" if you catch my drift, haha. :P

I'm looking forward to seeing what happens with Austin, as well as a more in depth description of Lily's everyday work day.

I did catch quite a few punctuation mistakes, which decreased readability a little bit. Nothing really too bad, just a missing comma or period here or there. Nothing that can't be fixed with a quick read through.

Thank you so much for requesting, and I hope you request the next chapter too! :D

~Smit

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks for the review! We'll hear more about the backstory with Austin in a couple of chapters, as well as why she's trying so hard to be different. It'll all be in one really interesting chapter.

We'll see on Lily's everyday work day, it was a bit tough because we know so little about Mungo's in general, I'm going to have to do more reading and what not before I start any real hospital scenes.

I'll comb through for those punctuation mistakes, thanks again!

xoxo LL


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Review #19, by Cannons How To Be The Favourite Child

9th December 2013:
Hey, I am here with you requested review.

I'm just going to point out some things that I pulled up when reading it through.

''She had what looked like flour on her hands, so she put her wrists on my shoulders and kissed each cheek.'' - I liked this bit, as this is exactly what people do and it created a nice image so well done. Your description is pretty solid throughout.

''Hense why I'm Resident Healer-In-Charge. And why I hate listening to Smethwyck, because if the man weren't there, I would be Healer-In-Charge, and man oh man would I love that.'' - I think this should be reworked, and it should be 'wasn't' instead of 'weren't'

'' "Well, the bloody w*nker thought it would be a good idea to try to ride a dragon because you three had done it while escaping from Gringotts, so he figured the Welsh Green would be a nicer option. '' - This is strictly my opinion but I really enjoy stories where the author sort of writes in the same style as J.K. She didn't use any swear words except from a certain one Molly used against Bellatrix, so personally I enjoy a story more when there isn't swearing as it feels more cannon to me. That's just my opinion though, lot's of people don't mind!

'' Don't get me wrong, he's a great bloke, and I love him to death, but James and Albus were always praised so much more than I was growing up. I mean, I very likely could've gotten away with murder and they were always getting in trouble over the silliest little things, but that's just what happens when you're the baby. ''- this sentence is a little confusing, you've contradicted yourself because you have said James and Albus were also getting praised and then you've mentioned how you could have gotten away with murder and they were always getting in to trouble over the smallest of things, so if you just reworked that sentence to make it clearer.

''Dad was shaking his head, and he had already turned to Uncle Ron to whisper in hushed tones. I think Uncle Ron was saying how awesome it was that James had tried to ride a dragon'' - I liked this line as it is something I imagine he would do!

Overall you have got a really good chapter here, which follows nicely on from your first. I enjoyed it, however I think you should look in to getting a beta over on the forums just to neaten some of the wording up and phrases.

This may come across as negative but that is not what I am trying to come across like, so don't be discouraged, it's just a few misplaces comma's etc.

I look forward to your next update and keep on writing!

Cannons

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for responding so fast!

I'm glad you liked the bit about the flour. I was writing the scene and couldn't help but think of my aunts doing just that to me, so I decided to throw it in.

Thanks for catching that weren't when it should be a wasn't!

I agree, I love stories where it writes in the same style as JK, but when I started writing this one it really felt unnatural to me ,and it's a lot of pressure to write like her, she's incredible. I was also trying to think of how young adults in England speak, and all of the people I know don't exactly have the prettiest of mouths. I was hoping to find a happy medium between the two, in this story,

I'll definitely look into rewording that sentence. I didn't mean to sound contradicting, by praised I meant like good job in those grades, oh look he's good at quidditch, kind of thing. So when i said she could've gotten away with murder but they got in trouble, it's was that her skill in school or quid ditch was nothing new, but how she carried herself and being the baby was such a change from the boys that she got praise and credit for being well behaved. If that makes sense.

I thought that that part was very Ron-esque, I had a lot of fun writing that part.

Thanks for the compliment in the chapter, I'll look into it, it would certainly relieve my sister a bit, I think.

Hope the next update is enjoyable!

xoxo LL


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Review #20, by potterfan310 How To Be The Favourite Child

8th December 2013:
Hey,

"Even better, the more people to get James in trouble in front of." - Hehe I love this because it brings out more of Lily's personality and shows she's a little bit mischievous and a tell tale.

Aww I think it's kinda sweet Ginny's trying to match make with Lily, I mean she is her only daughter. But I do agree with Lily, I think if I was her I would hate it as well.

Yay, aww Rosie's got a baby and with Scorpius. Cute!! Love Scorose : D I'm a bit curious is this story linked to 'Don't Say The 'P' Word' by any chance? As in it's like Rose+Scorp in the future with their little one?

I like that Lily got nervous and started babbling about looking at the prospective healers. I'm in agreement with Lily, being the youngest is great and like she said I could probably get away with murder :p

Lily's dreams are interesting and I can't wait to find out more about Austin!! Lily's personality has definitely shined through more in this chapter. She's great!!

My only two things would probably be 'couch' and 'wallet' as they're more American terms. 'Sofa' and 'Purse' (A wallet is generally used by men than women) would be the UK versions.

Can't wait for the next one!

10/10
-Potterfan310
Soph xx

P.S Such a pretty banner!! And UP C38 is in the queue :D

Author's Response: Thanks, I was considering it being that, but I'm not sure what Rose is going to do with her future yet, so maybe not! Well see!!

Jealous that you're the youngest! I'm the oldest and I get in trouble for EVERYTHING. Glad you liked this chapter!! More Austin is on the way, he's in high demand!!

Thanks for the corrections on the Americanisms!!

xoxo LL

P.S. *runs in circles until she can get home to read it*


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Review #21, by UnluckyStar57 How To Be The Favourite Child

6th December 2013:
Hi! You left me so many lovely reviews that I thought I would return that favor! Team Bronze for the win! :)

I read the first chapter of this story last night, so when I saw the second chapter, I wanted to be the first to review it! This seems to be an interesting story so far. I like how Lily is a bit of a tattletale--the baby of the family usually is. :)

I hope we get to see more of the mysterious Austin in the next few chapters, maybe with some backstory! When did Lily start liking him, and how many years has it been since they last saw each other?

Great job on this chapter!!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thanks so much!! And I loved reading your work and writing those reviews!

Thanks so much for leaving a review on this, I really do appreciate it so much! I got the inspiration for Lily being a tattletale from both myself and my youngest sister. When I was younger I would always tell on my older cousins and my youngest sister is always telling on me and my other sister! I figured it would only be fitting if Lily did the same!!

I really love Austin, and I can't wait to write ore about him in the next couple chapters. There's also some POV switches in upcoming chapters, I hope you'll like who it is!

I'm so glad you liked this story, thanks again for the review!!

xoxo LL


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Review #22, by Red_headed_juliet Trying To Ride A Dragon

5th December 2013:
Hello! Here for the 'claw R&R! I like the romance line you have here. It seems like you know your characters, and have a drive for the story.

As far as CC goes, it seems as though you switch tenses in your story. Sometimes you're speaking in the present "I want to see their faces when I tell them..." but the majority of the story is in past tense. "I opened my eyes and looked at the clock across from the bed." Be careful to keep things consistent.

Also, I think it would help if you used a more active voice. Instead of telling us what the character is doing, describe the character doing it. For example:

"It was nine hours later when I was sitting in my office eating lunch and looking through prospective healers that I heard a knock on the door. I swallowed my food quickly and called out for them to enter before taking a sip of pumpkin juice to clear out my mouth."

It might be more involving to say something along the lines of "Nine hours later, I was sitting in my office eating lunch and looking through prospective healers when I heard a knock on the door. I swallowed my food quickly, saying "Enter," before taking a sip of pumpkin juice to clear out my mouth."

It's just a bit more engaging, and feels more like you're in the story.

Just a thought though! (I struggle with active voice sometimes, but didn't realize it until someone brought it to my attention.)

But like I said, you seem to have some strong characters. Overall, I enjoyed it.

rhj

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

I think tenses is my biggest problem, I'm always struggling to make sure that I keep it consistent, so thank you for pointing that out! I'll give it a look!

As for the active voice, thanks for that tip, I'll definitely comb through and add it in, I can see the difference in the example you listed, so I'll be sure to try to put that in in the future.

I'm glad you like my characters and enjoyed the story!

xoxo LL


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Review #23, by Cannons Trying To Ride A Dragon

4th December 2013:
Hi there :D I told you we would be seeing a lot of each other! :P I'm here with your requested review!

Firstly I love the title!

Anyway I noticed a little typo - ' I think my mother was a little dissapointed when I didn't go off and have a quidditch career like she did. '

I also am a little disappointed that she didn't go and have a fantastic career with Qudditch as an unstoppable beater, I mean it runs in the family! :P

Also a little typo here - 'He's just... (w)Well, old school about his approaches to magic in general.'

I love the idea that James thought it would be a good idea to emulate Harry, Ron and Hermione and try to ride a dragon.

"No, I picked the tosser up when he gave me a ring saying he needed help." - the only problem I have is this line as wizards don't have phones...so maybe an owl or patronus would be a better way.

I really enjoyed the introduction, you choose your words carefully and your paragraphs are very neat which adds to the readability of your story. It was a good first chapter and you have introduced the characters well and given the reader a good sense of their personalities.

I look forward to reading more and feel free to re-request if you wish.

Cannons

:D

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the repsonse! Austin is actually a muggle-born so his parents insisted on him having a phone so they could reach him, and James is just... well, James, he's gotta do something because someone else is.

I'm so glad you liked the name of the chapter, I thought it was pretty clever myself.

I'm also glad you liked my introduction, it was so fun to write, and I really enjoy writing about Lily. I feel like no one does it quite enough.

Thanks again for the review, I'll check out those mistakes!

xoxo LL


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Review #24, by Ray Trying To Ride A Dragon

3rd December 2013:
Like the older brother's best friend angle as a love interest for Lily! And your OC seems cute:) Can't wait to get to know him better in the coming chapters!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the R&R, glad that you like the angle I'm coming from, and he is cheekily adorable! So glad to hear you'll be coming back, I hope the rest of the story doesn't disappoint!

xoxo LL


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Review #25, by wintercutey Trying To Ride A Dragon

3rd December 2013:
This is a great start! I'm already excited to read the next chapter! Please keep writing :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review and the support! I appreciate it! The next chapter is in the queue, I submitted it earlier today!

xoxo LL


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