Reading Reviews for Rules of the Game
  
73 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lady Asphodel Let the Games Begin

10th April 2015:
(Gryffindor CTF AA, Round 5 ~ Jailbreak)


In this chapter everyone is settling in - in Hogwarts. I don't know why Lily is being such a downer about the Hat's song, but I loved it! And you did a great job with it! ^_^


Again - dang it! I still need to know what Albus needed to tell Ivy! :(


I liked how the girls tried to guess a few of the first year students houses. :P


Poppy, Poppy, Poppy, Poppy, is really getting on my nerves. Haha - hopefully as the story progresses... (Doubts)


And the feast! I always enjoy reading about the feast! You did really good with describing the food. I haven't eat all day, so you're making me incredibly hungry. :P


I really loved how you described the dorms for Heads. It's short yet really nice! :D


Everything about your story is just great! Really good characterizations of your OC's and Lily. You description with scenes! It's a gift! &heart; Hope that I can learn that from you!




- Asphodel

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Review #2, by krazyboutharryginny - round #5 Let the Games Begin

10th April 2015:
*attack!*
Hello Lauren,
I'm so impressed that you actually wrote a Sorting Song! I'm not sure if Ivy and Alice's comments were just inserted because you felt unsure of yourself, but I'm seriously impressed that you even attempted it.
One little criticism I have is that I can't picture Professor McGonagall saying "Now that you are all fed and watered".
I really, really don't like Poppy. You've done an excellent job of making her an unlikeable person (not an unlikeable character - as a character, she's quite good). I'm very nervous about what Ivy said to her - I can't see that having a good outcome.
I think it's super duper cute that Ivy chose "Rapunzel" as the new password, and that John didn't know what it meant and was nervous about remembering it. What an adorable detail (I'm sorry I keep leaving reviews going on about your details... they're just SO GOOD)! Also, that was a really cool bit of magic you dreamt up with the tapestry.
The Head dorm sounds SO beautiful! What a wonderful job you've done of describing it - I could totally picture it. I had never considered the idea of Heads having a seperate dorm before, but I suppose it makes sense. I'm not sure I would like that, though... I would be so used to having several other people around to talk to. (Or maybe I'd appreciate the privacy, come to think of it :P)
Great chapter!
-Kayla

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Review #3, by Lady Asphodel Just Friends

10th April 2015:
(Gryffindor CTF: Round 5 -- AA ~ Jailbreak!)


Alright Lauren! I had to skip chapter 3 & 4 for now. So forgive me! :D



This chapter really gives a good insight of the great friendship between Ivy, Lily, Alice, Jimmy, and Hugo. :D

I really like the tidbits of things about the characters as well. Lily's cheekiness, Alice bashfulness. Jimmy's aura of always being ready for the day. He's so cheery. ^_^ Oh and it's so cool how you have a Journalist club at Hogwarts! Poppy is so ugh! So Malfoyish - or the like.


Mm... since I didn't read the last two previous chapters, I don't know what exactly happened to Alice, but judging by Neville's concern, it must have been big. I did note of the mentioning of the Threstrals. And Alice's exasperation at knowing her mother knows, haha - I see she has a lot of placating to do. :P



I have to say, I love the names of the professors that you have for this generation. (Unless a few of them are real - and I'm unaware of that fact. :P) Either way - I still love them! ;D


Ooohhh Hugo and Alice!!! I hope Lily and Ivy do get those two together! Nothing more sweet and infuriating see two people like each other but they deny the other like them and/or doesn't do anything about it.



- Asphodel

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Review #4, by awesomepotter - Round 5 Things Could Be Worse

10th April 2015:
Hi! This is a jailbreak post for CTF :)
I'm really enjoying this so far. I think you've done a brillian job of making all of the characters really clearly defined and very seperate from each other - they're not all like the same versions of each other but with different names. They all have their seperate interests, and hobbies, and fears - for example, Lily likes Quidditch and Alice is afraid of THestrals. It just helps to add so much depth to the story, and make it a lot more believable this way. I commend you on that - it can be quite a difficult thing to do and to sustain when you have this many characters.
I'm enjoying the story a lot so far as well - it all links and flows really micely, making it very enteratining and engaging to read. I like the occasional funny moments, like when Hugo falls on Jimmy in the carriage - it makes it a lot more pleasant to read when you're not trying to force humour out of it every other line, but instead just intersperse it with moments like that. That bit made me laugh, though - Jimmy's line after Hugo falls on him is really well done, and almost reminds me of something one of the Marauders would say! You've done a great job of getting your audience intersted as well - I've gotten attached enough to these characters (because you've done a very good job of creating them) that I'm really interested to see what happens to them. So I'm going to carry on reading now :)
Well done!

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Review #5, by Lady Asphodel Boys Gossip Too

10th April 2015:
(Gryffindor CTF: Round 5 -- Jailbreak!)


Hahaha! I love the cat, Grizabella. :P So funny and cute. Seems to have spunk. ;P



Oh wow! I just realized that Jimmy is Oliver Wood's son! Haha! *Smacks forehead!* Now I can definitely see why there's Quidditch tension between Lily and Jim-Jim. (Ignore my nickname for him.)

Do Jimmy and Lily like each other? Hm? *Raises eyebrows*



Awesome that James gave Lily the Marauders' Map and Invincibility cloak! Yes! I do imagine the 'fun' the group can have. :P



I wonder what secret Jimmy is keeping to himself too.


You always have a killer punch line or amusing line (particularly towards the ending of a story/chapter.)

“Guys, who is the next Hufflepuff captain?”


Haha, another enjoyable chapter, my dear Lauren! Great job!




- Asphodel

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Review #6, by randomwriter Things Could Be Worse

10th April 2015:
Hey Lauren! CTF-Round Five. On lookout for a flag, reg and gold with a picture of the giant squid on it. Seen it anywhere? :p

Anyway, onto the review.

I'm really enjoying this POV shift. I love that we're learning so much about each character from their angles. It's an excellent way to wield this style, and it is quickly becoming one of my favourite nextgen stories, mainly (but not just) because of this.

It was really nice to get into Hugo's head :) I suspected that him and Alice would have something going on there, but I didn't quite have any hard evidence of it up until now. I feel a little more sorry for Ivy though. Because I can see Lily/Jimmy happening, and I can see Alice/Hugo happening, but she likes Al, and he isn't even in Hogwarts :(

That task that Hugo got assigned does sound incredibly dull. I mean, who wants to hang back and check the train when they can be riding to the castle in carriages with their friends, right? And it was so awkward with Kate there :p That being said, I felt something happen there. I could be gravely wrong though, but I feel like they'll become friends over the course of the year. Maybe Kate will even develop feelings for him. Or maybe I'm just seeing things ahead of time :p

I love how each character has a distinct voice. One risk that you can run with so many POV shifts is making every character sound the same, or similar. But over here, you've managed to give each of them their own individual voice. Like, in this chapter, it became clear how Hugo is more of a thinker and observer. He's very reflective. Also, not only did you manage to give him his own voice, you also managed to show us that you write male POVs just as well as female POVs, and that's a great skill to have! You truly understand your characters so well.

I love how you've described his feelings for Alice. Clearly things have changed over the summer, and he isn't sure what to make of it, or how to react to it. It's very sweet to see how deeply he cares for her. So many guys are too oblivious, but as I noted, Hugo is an observer, and it's nice to see how he catches every subtle hint in her behaviour. He just understands her so well, and gahhh &heart; it's already so sweet!

I'd guessed about the threstals by the time the chapter reached that point given how you'd built up to it. It was really well written and realisitc. Though they are lovely creatures, they're symbolic of something so negative, that it's only natural that there are people who fear them. I wonder whose death poor Alice had to witness though :( I feel quite sorry for her. I just hope that it isn't Augusta Longbottom. I love Augusta Longbottom . She seems so unbeatable. She came closer to immortality than Voldemort ever did :p Though, she wouldn't be my first guess. I'd think it was either Frank or Alice or both, and that's just as bad. I can't handle that, sorry. Or maybe it was someone on Hannah's side. I know it's just as bad for her, but atleast then it won't be a character I'm already attached to :p

Jimmy lightening the mood was great :) I also wasn't surprised when he didn't realise that all that Quidditch talk was boring Alice. It seems so in character, and I can imagine Oliver Wood being that way too. You know what though? Jiimmy may be my favourite so far, and we haven't even had a chapter from his point of view yet!

I don't think I'll ever stop gushing about how perfect your dialogue was ♥ You must teach me, Lauren. It's the best! And you always have a little bit of humour tucked away. I know that this was comparatively serious, but it still wasn't too overwhelming, you know?

All in all, you've done an amazing job, and I can't wait to read more. I can't get enough of this story!

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Review #7, by krazyboutharryginny - round #5 Just Friends

10th April 2015:
*attack!*
Hi Lauren,
The details you've included here are really amazing. I'm finding that to be a recurring theme in your work. You are able to dream up those little quirks that everyone has and insert them into your writing. It makes your characters seem so rounded and real. In this chapter, for example, you have the details that Ivy chooses the two darkest pieces of toast, and that Alice people-watches. Those don't really tell me anything vital about the characters, but they make them seem more like real people.
I can't even imagine having to maintain a student-teacher relationship with my dad. I'm glad that you didn't write Neville being really stiff and formal with Alice, though - really, the only thing was that she called him "Professor" (This isn't a criticism, just something I found personally hard to imagine being able to do).
Lily's conversation (if you can call it that) with the first-year girl was so completely adorable. It sucks that the girl was shy, but Lily was so sweet. I really liked that.
Poor Alice... that was a really cruel comment from Poppy. She definitely reminded me of Draco Malfoy in that moment.
There are a couple of spelling and grammar mistakes that I'm noticing here. For example, "Hugh" instead of "Hugo" one or two times. You might want to go through this and make some tiny fixes :)
I totally cracked up at the idea of an accidentally-conjured-pig destroying the classroom! Another great detail, Lauren! I know I keep saying this, but that's a really strong point of yours.
Lily is so cheeky. I really adore the way you've characterized her.
Great chapter!
-Kayla

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Review #8, by randomwriter Boys Gossip Too

10th April 2015:
Lauren! :) BACK for for. CTF is giving me such a great chance to read this. This is for round five, by the way.

I have to admit, this stuff is your jam. There are so many nextgen stories like these, but there are few that I've enjoyed so much, and we're only in chapter two so far!

Okay, so you're rotating POVs (while keeping it in third person). This is interesting!It gives a very ensemble cast kind of feel where every character is important and has their own story. I don't see this being used much in fanfiction, to be honest. And that makes it all the more impressive. I also wonder why it is this way though. Because it can be such an effective tool for story telling!

I love how you've portrayed each individual character here. And in some cases, there's a bit of their parents in them. I was just thinking about how Jimmy's competitive urges must come from his dad before you mentioned it. I also love how Hugo is the resident chess champion of Hogwarts, and how he's thinking up plays in his head. Lily, in all her Quidditch captain glory, is a bit like harry in that regard. Then there's Alice, and I've never seen her written like this before! I know she's an OC, but so many people include her in their nextgen fics! Your take on her was so fun and refreshing :) And poor Ivy. I know that being head girl must come with a fair share of bitterness from those who lost out, but I'm really liking what you've written of her so far, and I hope that despite all the negativity, she has a good year in the end.

I like the little group you've got here as well. They seem well-balanced and fun, and I think that they're a bit mischievous as well, which is always nice to read about ;) I'm more excited about their year now that they have the cloak and the map. The potential speaks to me!

I think this chapter serves as an important public announcement as well because... BOYS DO GOSSIP. All the time, seriously. Who're they kidding when they act like they don't care, really? :p I loved how Ivy decided to use that piece of information to prove her point. It was rather clever of her.

The dialogue, once again, was amazing. I found myself smiling ad chuckling at a lot of different points. There's something that makes the dialogue seem very natural. Like, I can imagine a group of friends sitting in a compartment and just saying all these things, you know? It didn't feel strained at any point.

The flow of this chapter was also excellent, aided by the smooth dialogue. It wasn't choppy, and at no point did I feel that it was too much.

I love the exchange after the Hufflepuff captain comes into conversation. I think the interhouse dynamics within this group makes things rather interesting. Just to be clear, is Wood the only Ravenclaw out of them all? I'd love to know how they became a group, but since we're only in chapter two, maybe I'm speaking too soon :p The Hogsmeade incident also really caught my interest. I want to know what happened, and I hate waiting *pouts like a child*

The introduction of the map and the cloak just made this a whole lot more interesting. I love the idea of it being passed down from one sibling to another through their years. Possessing these two items is definitely like striking a gold mine, and it can make all the difference to their year. I hope they use it well, and I can't wait to read more on that front. Also, these two things were some of my favourite magical items. I've always wanted to own them :p So, it's a favourite really.

I'm shipping Lily/Jimmy so hard now, that I can't even tell you, really :p I want them to get together, and it's only the second chapter.

I'm so glad I've gotten to this now, Lauren, and I will be following it and pestering you for updates regularly. Great job, love ♥ favouriting.

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Review #9, by Lady Asphodel A Home From Home

10th April 2015:
Lauren!!! XD (Gryffindor CTF -- AA ~ Round 5: jailbreak!)



Hahaha! I have to say, the first paragraph - that is a really great point Ivy makes. Haha! I'd even find it... I don't know... I'd be quite hesitant to go through a brick wall - no matter how many times I've done it. It's something about the rules of physics. And... well... look at what happened to Harry and Ron in COS.


In the beginning when I joined the forums, I was hard-on fan of just only Hogwarts characters. It's my fault though I had a complete distaste for Next-Gen because every where else had the next gen/oc characters so snotty and completely disrespectful and a distasteful plot or no plot. To me it irks me and it completely goes against Rowling's hard work at writing a beautiful universe for all us HP fans.



Not that I don't come across a few here on the archives, but there's fics like yours that balance it out or outweighs it. You manage to keep all the things that make Harry Potter - Harry Potter. Over time, I learned to be more open-minded.


I can see an adventure is just around the corner for Ivy and the others.


I'm interested as to what's going on between Ivy and Albus. I can only guess for now. ;)


I see that Ivy, Lily, and Alice have a nice friendship. I really liked the part where Lily said, Ivy went from a scared first year to a matured head girl.


Your description of platform 9 and 3 quarters, and Jame's girl is just amazing and flows quite well.



I might just come back to finish the rest of your story. ;)


And of course! I enjoyed reading this chapter. ^_^



- Asphodel

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Review #10, by randomwriter-round 5 A Home From Home

10th April 2015:
LAUREN :) Here for the CTF game! Round five!

I've been so excited about this story for ages that it's a shame that I've never dropped by. I'm going to attempt one of those rolling sorts of reviews, partially at least :p

I was very surprised when I started reading this because every time we spoke about this story, you focused on Lily quite a bit, which made me feel like it would be written from her perspective. However, I really like Ivy and I'm glad that you chose to write it this way because OCs are great, and I think that you've set her up really nicely. I can't wait to read more about her :)

I love how you started off. The part about Ron saying that he almost broke his neck was quite funny, and fits with canon Ron, who is funny :P I can see him trying to scare the nextgen kids with his stories!

I love your take on Ivy's mum. She sounds like a really warm and supportive person, and the fact that she's a muggle can have some interesting implications.

I love the way you've written the scene on the platform. The excited buzz of the students awaiting another packed year at Hogwarts, the crowds, the emotions, everything was so palpable. I chuckled a bit at the part where the cat crossed Ivy's path. It was all so very platform 9 and three quarters :p

I loved how you introduces the girls. Straight off the bat, I can tell that they're inseparable. The dialogue in that bit was also well written. I love that all the parents also seem close to the girls. And Harry's interruption! HAHA xD I know that sometimes we all have the tendency to act as if we haven't seen or met up with someone in ages even if we only just saw them! I also love that Harry is fussing over Sparks! Once an owl lover, always an owl lover! I know I said that Harry was sunny, but Ginny was no less. That line also cracked me up! Oh god, I'm just going to be quoting all your dialogue back to you if I need to pick some favourite lines because the one about how difficult it is to wake Lily up was also funny (and very relatable ;))

As you know, I've just finished uni. So the bit about it being their last year, and making it count really got me. I felt nostalgic and sad, and I wanted to just hug them and scream that I know how they're feeling!

Oh, so Ive is head girl, eh? This adds an interesting spin to their dynamic, especially because Lily and Alice don't seem to be do-gooders at this point. That could change though. :p I love the annual tradition of Alice (and Clair) coming with Lily. It's nice that her parents let her ride the train. It's such a crucial part of the whole Hogwarts experience!

Awh, James and Al have come to see Lily off on her last year? That's really sweet :) Initially, when I first read the senetnce, it seemed as if Ivy liked James, but when you introduced Ruth, it became clear that it was Al whom she liked. I did feel a bit sorry for her though :( I love how you sneaked in a mention of ScoRose. I want MORE :p

As I said, this is a rolling review. So the story is unravelling slowly as I'm writing this. So now I see that there's some fuzzy history between Ivy and Al.

I like that Ivy stood up for herself and insisted on moving her own trunk, but I'm already shipping Ivy/Al, and I really wish that she given him some opportunity to talk to her. Even if it was just a couple of minutes alone.

And the last bit? I really liked how you ended this. Even though we've seen very little as of now, I'm rooting for Lily/Jimmy as well! Also, Harry and Oliver's kids dating= :')

I spotted one error. In a couple of places, Lily says 'me and Alice' where it should be 'Alice and I'.

That aside, there was NOTHING amiss. what an excellent first chapter. I'm excited for the rest of it. Great work, Lauren ♥

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Review #11, by daliha Boys Gossip Too

14th February 2015:
The Marauder's Map!

I love Lily she seems like a typical seventeen year old, it makes you think of all the trouble their parents had to go through. But enough of that I love how Lily and Jimmy get so anxious to know who is the Hufflepuff captain.

I noticed there is a lot of conversation in this chapter which is cool because it moves the plot forward, but maybe a bit of descrpition here and there would make the chapter richer, besides that I love your characters!

Ida

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Review #12, by daliha A Home From Home

14th February 2015:
Hey! I'm here for the Gryffindor Review exchange
:)

I thought this was a sweet first chapter, it's
cool to see a next gen fic with Lily Potter as
the main character, usually it's James or Albus.
Anyway I did think this would be from Lily's POV
(according to the summary) but I did enjoy Ivy's
POV. So Oliver Wood's son is in Ravenclaw, that's
interesting everyone usually makes the kids
carbon copies of their parents, which I'm glad
you didn't do here, also if I'm not mistaken Ivy
is Justin's daughter? (correct me if I'm wrong) I
wonder how the whole Head Girl thing will go for
Ivy? Also I wonder what happened between Albus
and Ivy, were they ever together, or is my
imagination?

AHHH so many question, I'll go on to the next
chapter :)

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Review #13, by BLONDEbehaviour A Home From Home

24th December 2014:
Heelloo!!

Interesting first chapter! I m intrigued in the way that you are going to take it with Ivy and her perspective as opposed to Lilys, as I feel it will definitely be a different take on the story, but after reading this chapter may work better for what you have in store for the plot development (which so far I like!) I am very interested to know what went on with Albus and Ivy..one too many Butterbeer I imagine...hmm.all of the intruige. I must stay tuned and see what you have instore! But he has a girlfriend! You have set down a great plot for the forst chapter and introduced the characters really nicely. left use just on edge enough to want to keep reading!

You have done some really good character descriptions, which is something that is can be missed in the first chapter when trying to solidify characters, and i think it has helped to started created a depth in your characters for you which is good. You possibly could have put a tincy bit more description into the surroundings...what was it the platform like? crazy runaround kids? more steam? If anything, maybe to help slice through a bit more of that tension for ya, and to highlight how uncomfortable for Ivy the interaction was :)

All in all though I think you've made a great stat and I am definitely going to have to continue reading to see what has been going on and see how you develop these characters! Merry Christmas!

Grace :)

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Review #14, by Secret Santa! Just Friends

23rd December 2014:
Hello! I'm back!

Alice is a morning person. I strive to be more like Alice. All of last semester, I think I managed to make it to breakfast about six times... but next semester, I'll be more like Alice!

I haven't even really gotten into this chapter, but I'm already really liking it. Your writing seems to have shifted with her POV, which is very cool. You're doing well with showing the characters as individuals, and the different narrative style helps to solidify their individual personalities.

I think I love Alice a little bit. I can totally picture her sitting there, observing. She's great.

I feel so horribly for her, though! Who did she see die? :( (Or was it already mentioned and I just have poor reading comprehension?)

Alice and Hugo need to just fess up! I want a little romance! Oh but then they'll probably break up because they're hormonal teenagers and it'll be horrible and I'll be very angry with you, so maybe I don't want that... huh... maybe I'll just settle to be along for the ride and let you decide what happens!

UGH. I DO NOT LIKE POPPY.

She's provoking inappropriate language, and it's Christmas, so I'll just say "I don't like Poppy" and move on. HMPH!!

UMITOKI OH MY GOD SHE'S ADORABLE.

Hmmm why is Lily so in favor with Loughty? Also I love that the new flying professor is Aerius. That's so perfect, and very HP.

One thing with this chapter was that it moved very quickly, because it was dialogue heavy. I'd consider looking for places where you could add more description.

I also have a message for you that I think you might enjoy:

01000100011100100110101100011011010010
0100010001101011100100110110101101001
011001010110111001110011001010011100111
01010110111001110001011101010110101101101
001010101000110100101110100011010010110
11000110110001101011011100110010001110101
01110011

(the line breaks are just so that it doesn't get all weird - it's all one string of binary)
I really enjoyed this chapter, and I look forward to keeping up with the story once my super secret identity is revealed!!

-Santa (EUGH there I go again almost typing my name!)

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Review #15, by Secret Santa! Let the Games Begin

23rd December 2014:
Hello, there. I am Santa!!! Teehee!!!

I know that Ivy's been worried that she won't be a good Head Girl, but it seems as if she'll do really well, to me! I hope that she gains some confidence, though.

I'm curious to see about the new Potions Mistress. I've come to learn that brilliant doesn't always make for the best teacher... I mean, obviously Hogwarts teachers are generally brilliant, but there's that type of focus on research that doesn't pair well with teaching. What I'm saying is, I'm curious about her.

YOU WROTE A SONG. I bow down to you. Great job with that, and very brave!

Awww, did you really have your characters give the song a put-down? Shut up Ivy and Alice, the song was fantastic!!

I love that they're guessing all of the sortings. That's totally something I would do.

I don't think I like Poppy very much. Hmph.

Oooo those dormitories sound nice! I'd like to be Head Girl, if you don't mind... I also like the way that you described the tapestry splitting. I agree with John... gotta love magic!

Okay, so I was planning on leaving a much more in-depth review, but that ending has me on the edge of my seat, so I'll probably be buzzing through the rest of the review so that I can get to the next chapter!!

I can't help but notice that so far, the main character seems to be Ivy. I was expecting it to be Lily. I'm not complaining, because I really like Ivy and would like to continue spending time with her, but I just thought that I'd mention it.

I also like Alice, but I wish she'd be more open about... everything, really. You have a crush? Go for it! Are her anxieties just about the Thestrals, or is it a more general thing? If she suffers from anxiety on a regular basis, I really hope that she gets the help that she needs.

I enjoyed this chapter! Again, fantastic job on the song. I'll see you next chapter!!

-Santa (WHEW! Almost signed my name out of reflex)

(okay so when I preview this, there's slashes before my apostrophes and they won't go away so sorry if this is hard to read!)

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Review #16, by nott theodore Let the Games Begin

8th July 2014:
Hey Lauren! I can't believe that it's taken me this long to finally get round to reviewing these chapters, but stupid life has got in the way - at least now I get the chance to continue reading!

Mmm, your description of all the food at the feast has made me really hungry now! I'm glad that Ivy likes food as much as I seem to :P But she's also quite preoccupied with making sure she does everything right in her first day as Head Girl - I can see why she would have been first choice for the role, because she's really conscientious and a model student, from the sounds of it.

This Albus Potter secret is very intriguing! I want to know all about what happened, I'm suspecting some cheating and wondering whether Ruth does indeed know, and what repercussions that could have for Ivy in the future...

Lily might think the Sorting Hat's songs aren't as great as they used to be but you should be proud of yourself for tackling it, because it's really difficult and I think you did a really good job of it!

Poppy seems like an annoying sort of character, and I have a feeling that she's not going to let her grudge for Ivy go that quickly. There could be more trouble on its way in the form of John's girlfriend...

I like the way that you described the Heads' dorms and the way that they get in, as well! I actually really want to visit them now because your descriptions were so vivid I could picture it all quite easily. And Albus is the last thing that Ivy thinks of before she goes to sleep... she's got it bad!

As always, I love the way you write the friendship between these characters and they just seem so natural and happy together. Great chapter!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #17, by nott theodore Just Friends

7th July 2014:
Just Friends? Just Friends? Alice and Hugo are definitely not just friends and Alice needs to start admitting soon that she wants to be more than just friends! I loved the way that the girls were teasing her over it though, because it's really natural and just what I used to do with my friends at school.

I'm intrigued about what happened to Alice and why she finds the thestrals so disturbing. It must be quite a significant reason for her to react so badly each time she sees them, and for her parents to still be concerned about it if it's happened before - although I suppose parents would always be concerned!

Haha, I love the rivalry that you're setting up between Lily and Jimmy when it comes to Quidditch, with Alice afraid to even let Lily know that she's helped another of their friends do posters for his team. They both take their sport very seriously and are probably a perfect match - I can't wait to see how they start getting together!

Poppy is mean. I know that she's disappointed that she didn't get to be Head Girl, but it's not Ivy's fault that she was a better candidate and that the teachers preferred her. I like the idea of the newspaper, though, because I think there would probably have been some additions to the extra curricular activities at Hogwarts after the war. With Poppy as its editor though, it could mean some bad things get printed about our main characters...

Aww, Hugo and Alice are just so cute! I loved that little moment between them and how Alice reacted so stupidly, despite the fact that she protests they're just friends. And Lily's going to get them together? That could either go really well or end up as a complete disaster...

Sian :)

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Review #18, by TidalDragon Just Friends

14th May 2014:
Well here we are at the end (for now)!

Well you've turned my rotation theory on its head right off the bat having this one come from Alice's POV. Once again though, you handled the change well and I thought you did more than just get us inside her head, you also did a good job of keeping her consistent with how she comes off from others' perspectives. The more POVs you add, the more challenge you create for yourself I think, but so far you're handling it splendidly. I wonder...how many POVs can you do? It's quite a talent.

I did notice a few niggling little typos in this chapter that seemed uncharacteristic - "sort after" instead of "sought after" was an example. I will also admit that I didn't feel the scene with Neville was a particularly strong one. You've set the bar high for yourself with the other chapters and scenes so far, so perhaps it's just a case of paling in comparison, but even though it's supposed to be a bit awkward, I thought it came across more so than I think it should in her 7th year. Perhaps it's also that, for me, the thestral issue didn't work for them because I would think Neville and Hannah would be used to it by now and not so concerned (though admittedly I don't know what gives rise to it or how bad it's gotten for Alice before so maybe it will come into perspective later).

The other thing I HAVE to mention that I forgot previously, but resurfaced here is the inclusion of a school paper. I'm really interested to see how that plays out what with the catty, vindictive editor-in-chief, but I also just think it's a really nice introduction and probably something that could exist in Next-Gen Hogwarts so I wanted to give you props for injecting a clever new student activity like that.

All in all I really enjoyed the story so far and I'm excited that I got to read it thanks to the Review Exchange. I have actually considered reading it many times before, but my writing, review thread, real life, and all sorts of whatnot have thwarted me in the past so it's good the exchange gave me the final push I needed.

You're the second Next-Gen to make my 'currently reading' (and the last eventually became a favorite), so I hope you keep up the good work on this story. I'm looking forward to seeing it progress!

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Review #19, by TidalDragon Let the Games Begin

14th May 2014:
Hello hello!

I'm not sure if you're planning this to be a pattern or not (rotating perspectives Ivy-Lily-Hugo) or if it's just happened that way the first time around, but it's interesting. I imagine it must be a challenge to always change perspectives in every single chapter, but you seem to be coping with it very very well. This chapter you gave us some more delightful tidbits of Ivy's character. You reinforced that she seems to be less confident than Lily, but used the interaction with Poppy to show that she's not a totally timid pushover. And she's a list-maker. How appropriate for a head student.

You also kept up some of the intrigue about this whole bit involving Albus. You keep leaving just enough hints that it's doing a good job making me wonder what happened without being overly intrusive at this point. On top of that you teased us a bit with more to the Hugo/Alice dynamic.

Of course any review would be remiss without commenting on your sorting song! Lily may think the songs are going downhill, but I think you did a pretty good job. Writing a sorting song seems like a heck of a challenge to me, but you had the boldness to confront it and that deserves some major props.

I will say that of the three perspectives, I've probably liked Ivy least so far. I'm not sure what it is exactly because you've developed her well, but perhaps it's the fact that you led with her and she just seems to pale so much in comparison to Lily's strong personality so far. I'm not sure where you plan to take her exactly, but it would be interesting to find out. I do feel like you've left yourself a lot of room to develop her though and so maybe that's the point. Or maybe the very point is for Lily to shine that much more. I don't know, and I usually don't leave such vague feedback, but for whatever little bit it's worth, I thought I'd mention it. Shrug.

See you in the next chapter!

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Review #20, by TidalDragon Things Could Be Worse

14th May 2014:
After a long slog at work, I am back!

Once again you handled the shift of perspective very well. What was also interesting about this one is that you injected a lot more time for introspection than in the previous chapters. I thought with the way you've portrayed Hugo's character so far and the build-up of Hugo's feelings for Alice and the intrigue surrounding Alice's reaction to thestrals it was a very appropriate choice and one that worked well for you.

I also really liked the description you led the chapter with. That kind of language and imagery is the kind that really gets me into a scene/setting from the get-go and you handled it beautifully.

Though you spent a fair amount of words on Quidditch in this chapter (at least in terms of the total dialogue), I thought I'd also point out that I liked how you made those bits more believable than many authors do. Injecting the names of players (even though it seems like a small thing), makes it so much more realistic and the conversations also allowed us to learn more about Lily and Jimmy as characters. Sneaky.

Overall, I just thought this chapter was really well done. Definitely my favorite of the three so far. Keep up the good work!

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Review #21, by TidalDragon Boys Gossip Too

14th May 2014:
Hello again! This is probably the last I'll be able to get to until after work, but I thoroughly enjoyed it too. Again you took a patient approach in introducing things that will prove important (like the cloak and map) while taking some time to develop characters.

I also thought you did a good job of handling the switch of perspective from Ivy to Lily. You really gave it a different feel with it being in Lily's "voice" which is something that I think is much harder to do than create differentiable dialogue (though you've done a good job of that too so far).

That said, I was a bit surprised we didn't get any reaction out of Ivy about the cloak and map (given she's a rule-following Head Girl) and that Lily went ahead and opened the package in front of so many people (despite the pressure).

Regardless I can't wait to see how things keep developing! Good work so far!

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Review #22, by TidalDragon A Home From Home

14th May 2014:
Howdy Lauren! Excited to have been paired with you for the review exchange!

Admittedly, I've never sought out Next-Gen when looking for new fics on my own, but I have been lucky enough to read some great ones for other reasons and I think you're off to very good start!

What I liked most about this beginning was that you didn't overplay the moment. It seems to me that people often have this tendency in Next-Gens to overdo the platform scenes, especially when opening with one, by just BAM - throwing down the major problem(s) right there for everyone with some fight, spat, or other drama. You took a much more patient, nuanced approach. While we caught a glimpse of some things that will be significant (or that I suspect will based on the summary), they were not the central focus. Instead you did an excellent job of introducing characters and giving us a glimpse of their personalities. Ivy was particularly well done, as even small details like how she addressed Harry and Ginny as "Mr. and Mrs. Potter" already set her up as something of a stickler for being 'proper' before you revealed she was Head Girl.

I also liked the way you've chosen to portray Lily. Too often she seems to be this shrinking violet type who is weak or needs defending or is just largely ignored, which always rubs me the wrong way. After all, this is Ginny's daughter we're talking about, and while children certainly have their own personalities, regardless of their parents, I don't think Ginny would raise that type of daughter and I don't think it rings terribly true of what the fusion of Harry and Ginny's genes would create. She's a feisty go-getter from what I can tell so far and I think that's great!

The only thing I noticed in terms of writing was the occasional sentence where you had supplemented the dialogue tags a bit heavily, making them feel a bit long. An example was near the beginning when you wrote: " 'Morning, Finchley,' Lily greeted Ivy with her surname as she so often did as she approached." For me the bit about the surname and frequency might have worked better as a separate sentence. I suppose in that case it's not so much about the actual length, as I think the repetition of the s sounds in the tag that gives me that feeling. Just something to think about.

Anyway, I really enjoyed it and I'm looking forward to reading more!

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Review #23, by LilyMilly Just Friends

13th May 2014:
I really love this story !!!
and I can't wait to read the rest of the story !
and i really hope things goes well both for Ivy and Alice !

Author's Response: Thank you again for leaving another review! I hope things go well too... I hope you stop by again to find out!

Lauren :)


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Review #24, by LilyMilly A Home From Home

11th May 2014:
I really enjoyed this chapter! And I can't wait to read more of this story !
you are a really a good writher and I look forward to getting the real facts about Ivy and Al :D Keep on the good work :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving such a lovely comment :) it was so nice to find! I hope you're not disappointed by what actually happened!

Lauren :)


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Review #25, by ScoroseOTP A Home From Home

20th April 2014:
Hey!
First off- I'm impressed!
Your style of writing is really good.
I don't normally write much a review for the first chapter but I couldn't resit with this one!
It truly is great!
I love how you found a way to put in everyone's (or the important people- in my mind anyway) back story. I loved their backgrounds by the way, really sweet.
All of the characters mentioned I already think are wonderful. I can't wait to find out more about them! Your descriptions of them were really fantastic.
The connection between Ivy and Al is really interesting, I'm intrigued!
ScoroseOTP
Emz xxx

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