Reading Reviews for Rules of the Game
  
48 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MissesWeasley123 Just Friends

8th April 2014:
Wait, what do you mean by this:

"According to my Aunt Hermione and Rose, he's just too much like his father to realise he likes you."

Blimey, Hermione and Rose always talk about me, I knew it, and I thought she was supposed to be a daddy's girl. It's all because she's started hanging out with that Malfoy boy isn't it? The first time I even thought, "Yeah, I fancy Hermione" was in our sixth year. Like, come on, her and SPEW were always messing me up.

I really liked this chapter actually, and I hate reading. It's just like being back at school except without Voldemort and stuff. You write loads better than that bloke Gilderoy (I wonder if your generation's heard of him.. hmm) so I guess you did a good job.

Also, should I have "the talk" with Hugo now, about Alice? Blimey, I might have to get Hermione to do it instead of me. Do you know how hard it was to give it to Rose? Mind, I really didn't do it. I kind of just.. stayed outside and waited.

I really like this Nadia girl. She seems cool. Now, I'm not really forward about these things, but she should get together with that Benedict statue.
I hate that Poppy woman -- she reminds me of this Slytherin idiot back when I was in school. Have you heard of Draco Malfoy?

I never really approved of Lily's choice of friends, mainly Ivy actually, but I guess she's alright. Do I need to warn Harry about this Jimmy boy?

Wow, I'm really impressed! I never knew Muggles knew so much about our world. It's a good thing you didn't make Hermione end up with Draco, I almost killed him when I read it!

Also, why is Fred your king? I should be your king.

Erm, good luck mate, with the future chapters!
- Ron Weasley

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Review #2, by XxImAgInAiReXx Just Friends

5th April 2014:
Hi! I'm really enjoying this story, and I'm really interested to see where you go with it. Keep writing :)

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Review #3, by XxImAgInAiReXx A Home From Home

5th April 2014:
I enjoyed this first chapter. It seems like an interesting set up, and I'm excited to see where you go with it. Although, a thing I did note was that your summery and your story don't really match up. The summery makes it seem like the story is told from Lily's point of view. Just a thing I noticed. Anyway, it'll be interesting to see Ivy and Albus's dynamic, especially since Albus is out of school, and where you're going with that.

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Review #4, by CambAngst Let the Games Begin

4th April 2014:
Hi, Lauren! The quest for 1,000 rolls on, and I've come back to enjoy a bit more of your story.

I'm glad that being Head Girl hasn't made Ivy all work and no play, although she does seem a bit preoccupied with work. Work, food and Albus, although not necessarily in that order.

A Russian Potions Mistress. Interesting. Well, I'm sure she can't be any more difficult than Snape or any more glad-handed than Slughorn, so the students should have a fairly easy go of it.

I liked your Sorting Hat Song. Those things are a pain to write, and you did a good job with it.

Aww, the tiny little first year is a Gryffindor! Here's hoping she's a great one...

I'm kind of surprised that Filch is still hanging in there as caretaker. I mean, I guess he doesn't really have anything else to do, but he's now been tormented by three generations of the Potter clan. He should just give up.

I don't really like John's girlfriend, but I don't suppose I'm meant to. She seems pretty jealous and catty. I can definitely see her making Ivy's life challenging.

So I saw one lonely little grammar problem in your chapter:

Her and John both turned and made their way out of the hall and turned to climb the stairs when a figure blocked their path. -- should be "She and John"

Otherwise, this was very well written. It flowed nice and smooth all the way to the end. So I assume classes start in the next chapter. Fun, fun, fun! Great job!

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Review #5, by monstrosity Things Could Be Worse

4th March 2014:
Finally here! Ah, it feels like coming back home ;)

Another flawless chapter! I really like how you shifted the focus to Hugo instead. It sure is refreshing change from a female perspective.

If I had to sum up Hugo in one word, it would be normal. These days it seems like every character has to have this completely unique and exciting character. If they don't have a disease they suffer from or some really weird quirk or some special power, then apparently they aren't worth reading about. These days a normal character is really hard to find. That's a huge shame considering that normal characters are the ones that readers relate to the most. None of us have amazing powers and no matter how much we envy or admire characters like that, it's the ones we can picture ourselves as that we really remember.

Hugo is a really thoughtful and nice guy. He's capable of escaping into his own thoughts, feeling awkward about starting conversations and generally being a regular teenager. You had expressed your apprehension about writing something for the first time from a guy's perspective, but honestly your unfamiliarity does not show at all. I've secretly thought that boys and girls aren't that different when writing about. Yeah, there's the whole girls are more analytical while boys are generally physically better, but they are after all the same species and capable of feeling the same emotions. I really don't see a difference in the way you've written about Hugo from the way you've written about Ivy. It flows really well.

One thing which I did notice was that seeing that the readers don't know much about Hugo's personality, you could have gone a bit more into what Hugo was like. This was more about his worry for Alice (the whole situation between them is so adorable, by the way) and he's so focused on what other people are feeling that we rarely get to know much about him. However if that's just the person he is then there's no point in changing that.

The pace of this chapter was really great considering where the plot is at the moment. It does leave quite curious to know why Alice is so terrified of Theastrals as it's something I've never seen before. I'm waiting for the tragic backstory about this ;)

The other characters although they don't play a significant role in this chapter are equally lovable. The bickering between Lily and Jimmy quite reminds me of James and Lily's famous arguing (and, coming to think of it, Jimmy is a nickname for James so I'm wondering what message you're trying to convey over here :P). Lily is, once again, proving why she's such a good friend with her talent to diffuse any tense situation by creating her own with Jimmy. She's also really great at distracting Alice without making her actions noticeable. For someone so passionate about quidditch, she's very aware and perceptive of what her feeling even amidst a large argument. Jimmy is still as adorable and oblivious to everything save his favourite sport. I think here is where you show the difference between having a girl for a friend as opposed to a boy. While girls can really tell what your thinking, the boys however oblivious they may be will definitely distract you from your worries.

I feel like I've ranted enough for now :) It's a great chapter and while I would advise you to make sure the pace of your story doesn't become to slow since they haven't even got to Hogwarts yet, I do think that this has been a good introduction the the different personalities in this story. Having so many OC's can make it hard to deal with, and you're writing in next generation on top of that, yet you've manage to develop them all. I don't know how you did it, but you've pulled it off wonderfully. I hope this review/rant was a bit helpful and feel free to request again!

-Sathya

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Review #6, by CambAngst Things Could Be Worse

28th February 2014:
Hi, Lauren! I'm pressing forward on my quest for 1,000 reviews, and I wanted to stop back by!

This was a nice, long chapter, but it still read very smoothly and flowed well. At no point did I feel like it was dragging.

Switching to Hugo's point of view was a good choice for this one, I think. We got to learn quite a bit about him without being told. He's dutiful, but not so much that he doesn't dread the bad assignments. He's definitely a bit awkward around the opposite sex. And he seems to be just starting to admit to himself that he has a thing for Alice.

Young love is always so awkward, and I like the way you wrote it. Hugo definitely has some of his father in him, albeit not the bumbling, loud part that tends to offend the person he fancies. He's kind of shy and not at all sure of himself.

I don't think you've told us why Alice is able to see the Thestrals, although it isn't all that hard to take a guess. I hope nothing bad has happened to Frank and Alice, but that would be my first guess. :(

Hagrid! Always a shout out for the big guy! Nice to see that he still doesn't really understand what creatures are appropriate for school-age children.

Aww, Hugo held her hand! Temporarily, anyway. Until he realized what he was doing. How much easier would romance stories be if the characters never realized what they were doing and just went with it?

Now I'm really looking forward to the opening feast and beyond! My compliments to you on your writing and Sian on her beta reading. This chapter was clean as a whistle!

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Review #7, by Infinityx Things Could Be Worse

28th February 2014:
Hi there! I'm here for the review you requested!

I find it a little difficult to get a hang of any Next Gen characters and OCs, but I'll try to do justice to your story in this review. :)

First of all, I absolutely LOVE the description which starts of this chapter. It's so beautiful and vivid, I could picture the entire setting so clearly. There's also a very poetic manner to the style in which you've written it. They danced dangerously close to the precipice before finally dropping off the edge, leaving behind an inky black canvas. This was such a wonderful way of describing it!

I think the story flows perfectly. You were concerned that the guy's perspective wouldn't seem realistic. I don't think you should worry about that. Hugo's voice is great here and he's just so sweet! I love that part where he thought of holding Alice like the way his dad holds his mum. I like the sensitive side to him. It makes him such an endearing character and someone anyone would want to know! I also think that there's no reason for you to get worried about the characterization and the POV because in the end, it's your story. There's no canon characterization in Next Gen since we don't know anything about the characters, so you have complete reign over them. I think you've done a brilliant job with Hugo.

I love the little detail about Hugo not liking silence. I wonder what the deal is with Kate though. She seems to be preoccupied and worried about something.

You really have a knack for writing casual conversation. The banter between Lily and Jimmy seemed so natural and flowy, and I really admire the way you've written the dialogues.

Aw, that moment between Hugo and Alice was just the cutest! You've brought out Hugo's inner feelings really well, and nothing was overdone. There are so many ways in which this can progress and I have a feeling it's not going to be smooth.

"So... I guess I'll see you around? At the prefect meetings?"Hmm...it seems like Kate has a lot more to do with this story. She doesn't seem so caught up in her thoughts now. It's really intriguing.

Poor Alice. I wonder when she saw death and why she's so afraid of thestrals. There seems to be a deep backstory to her character. I'm guessing that Hugo will be comforting her a lot, leading to a blossoming romance. They'd be perfect together! I love how perceptive and caring he is, and I'm sure Alice would be in good hands. :D

I like the way you've characterized Lily and Jimmy as well. Although there's not too much about them here, they seem like wonderful friends to have.

This was a great chapter! I couldn't spot any spelling or grammatical errors and it flowed so beautifully! I love your writing style. :)

~Erin

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Review #8, by ohmymerlin Boys Gossip Too

24th February 2014:
Hey, Lauren! I'm here from my review thread! Sorry about the slight delay!

Anyway, the first thing you asked for is if the chapter was entertaining enough. And it definitely is! I was laughing throughout the whole thing, so you definitely don't need to worry about that!

I do have some tiny crit about how you structure your dialogue. I've noticed you occasionally put a full-stop at the end of the speech, and then have the he/she/they said in capitals. Here's an example:

"Sure, you all gang up on Jimmy." He said, raising his voice over the laugher.

This should be: "Sure, you all gang up on Jimmy," he said, raising his voice over the laughter.

(You also missed out the letter t so I thought I'd kill two gnomes with one stone ;) - LOVED that by the way!)

"Wow, this is one impressive piece of magic." Ivy said, inspecting it closely.

This should be: "Wow, this is one impressive piece of magic," Ivy said, inspecting it closely.

Do you see what I mean? It's a minor thing but I'm extremely nit-picky so it did pull me out of the story for a bit.

Next, you asked about the characterisation! I think it was great! I REALLY loved Hugo! I don't know why, but every time he spoke I just really loved him! He's a great character! :D

Lily was really good, I like reading from her point of view!

Oh, I just remembered; the package! I've never thought of the idea of Lily not knowing about the Map and the Cloak but you wrote it really well! I loved how James was reluctant to give it to her, ahaha! That was funny :p

Okay, back on track! You said Jimmy worries you but you shouldn't need to worry! He doesn't seem too sulky - he IS the son of Oliver Wood (who in Fred and George's wise words) tried to drown himself in the showers when they lost to Hufflepuff in Harry's third year :p

And this may sound a bit sexist, but 17 year old boys can be extraordinarily sulky. I know my brother - who is close to 17 - can get sulky very quickly and when I was still at school, a lot of those boys got sulky when things didn't go their way. So I think you don't need to worry about it because nearly all 17 year old boys that I've encountered act quite similar to Jimmy! So don't stress out over him! He's a great character and he did make me laugh, especially at the end when he was still asking, ahahaha! :p

Anywho, this was a really good chapter! I had a great time reading it!

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

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Review #9, by anythingcouldhappen A Home From Home

23rd February 2014:
Hello! I'm here with your requested review :)

I'm just going to go straight through your points!

Initially, I wasn't especially interested--I liked it, but it didn't really stand out from other beginning of the year stories I've read. But then Ivy talked about feeling guilty and ashamed and I was definitely drawn in! It made me really curious as to what it was she was hiding from her friends. I liked that you mentioned it was about Al, but didn't tell us what it was yet. That really grips my attention and makes me want to keep reading. So good job on catching interest! *thumbs up*

As for the characters, my first impressions of them are good. A lot of stories I read have the teenagers being really hyper and flinging themselves on each other like "OMG I missed you so much!!" But your characters seem more mature, which is certainly refreshing. I look forward to seeing you develop them!

Your writing is really well done! It flows well, and is easy but interesting to read. I thought I'd juts point out two minor grammar things I noticed:

"She pulled sharply on the handle as a cat ran straight into her path followed closely by an irritated owner, causing some unused stomach muscle to join in the chorus of complaints" This sentence was a little long, and kind of threw me off at first. I think it might help if you added a comma between "path" and "followed"

"Alice blobbed her tongue out in response" Here, I'm just not sure about the word choice of "blobbed".

Overall, awesome job! I hope this helped!

Sam

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Review #10, by Aphoride A Home From Home

18th February 2014:
Hey there - stopping by with your requested review! Sorry for not reviewing a later chapter, but I said before in my thread that I don't have time to read multiple chapters in one sitting, but feel free to re-request later! :)

So, I think this is really good start! I like how you introduce it at the beginning of the school year, but manage to avoid the normal approach to it, and the endless cliches which go with it. I liked, as well, how you used the senses in it - referring to sound and sight and things - which really helped to bring the station and the business alive. That being said, it was a bit odd to have Ivy say 'Simon Brown, if she wasn't mistaken'. If he's in her year, she'll almost certainly know who he is, I imagine, and since he plays Quidditch it's likely she'll recognise him, you know? Just a small thing, but it seemed a bit odd to me, so I thought I should mention it.

So far, I like Ivy's character as well. I think she's an interesting character, and I'm curious as to how you're going to develop her further. I thought it was really interesting how she was nervous about the barrier, being muggleborn (I assume), and how her mother wasn't, conversely. It was a really nice touch! I'm interested to see how you display her as having the necessary qualities and abilities to be Head Girl, since it's presumably a position chosen by the teachers.

I like Lily and Alice, as well, though it is something of a cliche to have an OC friends with Lily and Neville's daughter named Alice, but I think you avoided making it cliche, you know. I think it works well! I like how Lily is Quidditch mad, how Alice is quieter and less dramatic - it makes for an interesting group dynamic.

It was really good with the way you introduced the tension elements into it - with Albus, and something obviously having gone on there between him and Ivy - and Jimmy staring at Lily, and suchlike things. A nice hint of potential things to come ;)

So yeah, I thought this was a really good start - good grammar/spelling, no really odd phrases or anything which stood out, nice characters, great set-up, good writing... yeah, it's all good so far! :) Really good start - I really enjoyed reading it! :)

Feel free to re-request!

Aph xx

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Review #11, by love_is_magic_ Let the Games Begin

13th February 2014:
Ahhh it just keeps getting better!!!

I am so impressed that you wrote a sorting hat song! It was awesome and I could just tell how much time it must have taken!

I also adored the way you made a game out of guessing the houses first years would be sorted into! That was so creative and is definitely a game I would have loved to play!

I continue to adore Hugo and Alice! I can't wait to read more of their story! The same goes for Ivy and Albus... and Lily and Jimmy. and just everyone!!! AHH!

I can't wait for the next chapter! Keep being awesome!
Christy

Author's Response: Hi again!

Wow I'm feeling uber spoilt by you right now!! Thank you for leaving another review!!

Haha aww i don't know about awesome (lily and Alice say my feelings about the song!!) but it did take me ages!! I'm glad you liked anyway :)

Haha I came up with that idea as it would totally be the game I played to make the sorting a little more interesting. Otherwise you just sit waiting and clapping!!

Hehe aww I'm glad you like all the couples! I just hope you aren't disappointed with how their relationships unfold!!

Thanks again for taking the time to review, I love reading your thoughts!!

Lauren :)


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Review #12, by CambAngst Boys Gossip Too

12th February 2014:
Hi, Lauren! Looks like I'm only going to manage one Reviewing Challenge entry today, because I'm beat. The good news is, it's your story!

You did a nice job continuing to refine and flesh out your characters here. We've got some hyper-competitive friends (Jimmy) and some fun-loving, laid-back friends (Alice and Hugo) to go along with our Head Girl and our Quidditch captain. I enjoyed watching them toy with Jimmy over "important" little bits of information. Such typical teenagers!

Her brothers had warned her not to go flaunting the contents about to everyone and she couldn’t think for the life of her what it could be. -- Hmmnn... I think I have a pretty good idea.

Yay! It's the cloak AND the map! I think Lily's year -- as well as her friends' -- just got a whole lot more interesting. Seeing it passed along in this way was a really lovely and heart-warming touch. This is how it's supposed to happen, I think, when murderous, sociopathic dark lords don't interrupt the orderly flow of things.

The quote from the map gave me chills. Not that I haven't read that line plenty of times, but to see it applied to a whole new generation was way cool!

A few things that might be typos:

Lily checked her watch with irritation and wondered how she’d only manage to go five minutes since the last time she’d looked. -- only managed?

"I had to do a patrol and take a meeting," Ivy replied exasperated, stepping carefully over Lily's feet... -- I'd suggest a comma after replied.

Just as Lily was about to argue once again, a sly smile made its way on to Ivy’s that made her pause. -- Made its way onto Ivy's what? :p

Overall, great job! You're spinning an interesting tale here, and you introduced some awesome new pieces in this chapter.

Author's Response: Hi Dan :)

Thank you so much for coming and stopping by again :) I always love to read your reviews!!

Haha well I'm glad you liked the personalities I gave te group. Jimmy is definitely super competitive and wanted to know who the quidditch captain was more than anything. Shame his friends like to tease him too much!!

I'm glad you agree that their year has much more potential now. Let's hope they use it well!! Yes I very much agree. Stupid dark lords with their stupid evil ways.

Haha it was fun using that quote. I made sure I got it exactly from the book, it felt important to get the moment right so I'm glad you appreciated it :)

Thank you so much for the typos. Much appreciated, I will go and sort them now!!

Thanks for leaving a lovely reviews Dan, I really appreciate all your kind words :)

Lauren :)


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Review #13, by MissesWeasley123 Let the Games Begin

12th February 2014:
How dareth you writ this chapter so welleth.
(this is so why I passes English.. god, my teacher must've given me pity marks lol)

All she can think about is Al eh? And maybe Al told Ruth eh? Do I smell some Al cheating on Ruth with Ivy? ;) Maybe.

One typo for you before I forget:

Ivy didn't have chance to respond though as Professor Tumber once again called for quiet from the Hall. -- didn't have the chance :) Otherwise you and Sian as we know, rock.

Er right, so where was I... RIGHT, IVY. Gah, still don't like her dunno why :P Erm.. also don't like... Poppy, yes her name is Poppy.

AND HONEY, YOU WERE TRYING TO BE ALL SNEAKY IN OUR PMs BUT I CALLED IT YES.

The last thing she remembered as her head hit the pillow was a pair of green eyes looking at her.

Who has two thumbs and a pair of green eyes? ALBUS POTTER THAT IS WHO.
I am SO Trelwaney obviously.

Excellent job on your sorting hat song, like I said before, it is amazing :) Um... yeah. so, pretty much loved everything. I liked when they were trying to guess who would be put in which house. That was really sweet and warming.

I INSANELY SHIP HULICE STILL. (is that the ship name we decided on?)

Anyway, perfect hun!

Author's Response: Nadia &hearts

You make me smile so much with your reviews you know. I honestly don't know how to thank you!! I just love them so much!!

Hmm maybe... Your on to something at least. I'm not going to say yes or no to anything yet though :p you'll have to wait to find out hehe!!

Thank you for the typo!! I'll be sorting that ASAP!! Much appreciated my friend!!

Maybe you'll grow to like Ivy but never mind if not. I'm glad you don't like poppy though, you're not supposed too ;)

Haha maybe you are. I'm staying tight lipped on this. I love reading your thoughts though!!!

Thank you :) my thoughts echo lily and Alice's on it but I'm glad you liked it anyway :) and I would totally play that game!!

Hehe I don't remember what name we picked but I don't care because I'm SO happy you ship them &heart. Eek :D

Gah this review is just complete and utter awesomeness and I'm so lucky you come and read an review!! Thank you!!

Lauren :)


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Review #14, by love_is_magic_ Things Could Be Worse

12th February 2014:
Yet another great chapter!

Hugo is just way too adorable! I can't wait to find out what happens with him and Alice... though I suspect a love triangle coming on? I guess I will just have to see!

You've done a really great job at characterizing these OCs and I honestly can't wait to read on!
Christy

Author's Response: Thank you for stopping by again!!

I'm glad you found Hugo adorable, I found this so hard to wrote because I didn't want it to go too soppy. I'm glad you liked him though!!

A love triangle huh? Hmm you'll have to wait and see!!

Thank you so much!! I really appreciate the fact you've lead this and taken the time to leave a review.

Lauren :)


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Review #15, by monstrosity Boys Gossip Too

9th February 2014:
Hello again! I'm glad you decided to request again!

The plot now thickens! Once again, you've nailed characterization. I like how the focus now shifts away from Ivy and onto the other main characters all of whom are equally intriguing. Lily is as boisterous as ever and now that's she's got a hold of the invisibility cloak and the marauder's map, I'm excited to see what's in store. She's not the sort of person to give it back to James without using it to its full extent.

Jimmy is just adorable, honestly. A poor loser, ultra competitive and so naive (mostly because of that last line and how Hugo kind of tricks him into almost revealing his secrets). Once again you've managed to put in a level of suspense in his character and now I want to know what happened in Hogsmeade. Looks like I'm going to have to wait for it. Sigh. Right now, he's like the perfect match for Lily. I'm this close to shipping them, actually.

I really like the addition of Hugo. He's this perfect blend of Hermione and Ron. He's got the wizarding chess skills as well as the cleverness. That bit about him noticing the glares when he normally doesn't just makes my overactive mind wonder what's between him and Ivy. Sorry, it's a bad habit but I tend to think ten chapters into the future :P

What I found most interesting about this chapter is how I almost forget this is their last year at Hogwarts. They've all still got that child-like innocent behavior to them, which is totally refreshing considering how 17 year olds these days like to pretend they are 21. These children seem really normal and fun to read about.

Boys definitely gossip! I'm so glad you made that statement public in your story because it is absolutely true. What I've also noticed is that they have the tendency to matchmake as well, which is highly hilarious to witness. Whenever my class goes on a field trip you can guarantee that there will be a group of boys discussing everybody else's prospects of getting a significant other. Even though Jimmy finds it hard to admit it, sometimes boys gossip even more than girls do! I'm glad that Ivy gave it to him for that :)

There's only one suggestion that I could make and it isn't really necessary to incorporate into your story. I noticed that this chapter is rather biased towards conversation, which isn't a problem because that's how the plot moves forward. However, you could perhaps intersperse it with a bit of description so that the reader can get a better picture of the scene. Something about the compartment or the scenery or something. This advice is a bit vague to be honest but I hope you do understand what I'm trying to convey.

Overall, the plot seems to be moving at a pleasant pace and while I'm eagerly awaiting an Albus appearance (however far-fetched that might be) this is a wonderfully written chapter. I hope that this review was useful and feel free to request again!

-Sathya

Author's Response: Hi again sathya :)

I'm glad too, your reviews are so useful, I really appreciate you taking the time to do them.

I'm happy you like the characterisation. Ie really tried to give each of the 5 their own voice and personality so they're distinguishable. The POV will be shifting a lot each chapter so we hear from different people.

I really love writing lily, she's so fun so I hope that comes across. She definitely will be using the cloak and map as much as possible!!

Oh jimmy is actually cool to write too. I love the desire to win that's in him and that he's a bit oblivious unless quidditch is involved. You may find out what happened in Hogsmeade but it's a secret jimmy really wants to keep. He won't give it up too easily trust me!!

Aww again, I'm so chuffed with your comments on Hugo. That's exactly what I was trying to achieve with him. As for him and Ivy well. I'm not so sure. I see where you got it from though... I love that you're already trying to think of what will come too! I do that all the time!!

Thank you for the innocent comment. I hadn't intentionally thought about that but I'm glad that's how it turns out. I don't want them to be too old too fast.

No I appreciate that CC. I think you make a completely valid point. I will go back and look at that because I like I have plenty of description. Thank you!

Again, you're review was wonderfully useful and I will most certainly be re-requesting! Thank you &heart

Lauren :)


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Review #16, by maraudertimes Things Could Be Worse

7th February 2014:
Hello! I have returned!

Oh I really just loved this chapter. Hugo was such a doll and his fancying Alice is just adorable. I think he's overthinking everything, although I'm pretty sure it's true that Jimmy will take the mickey out of him as soon as they're in closed quarters. :P

The whole 'Alice-is-scared-of-thestrals' thing is really sad, since to see them you first have to have seen death, so it speaks volumes to Alice's background without explicitly stating anything, which I think is an amazing writing technique on your part.

The Jimmy/Lily conundrum is super cute. I think both of them like the other, so maybe a quidditch rivalry will turn into something more? I can only hope! :)

Goodness gracious though, I guess Alice could be worse off as Jimmy. Imagine having a fear of losing? Poor doll doesn't have many options to what he can do considering it seems his only talent is quidditch. Teasing! I just really loved that part!

Great job, I super loved this chapter, and please please please update soon, darling!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Again, seriously!? I'm so spoilt, thank you!!

This chapter was actually so hard to write. I panicked so much about writing from the male perspective. I didn't want to make it all soppy because I didn't feel it was realistic. I'm glad you found it adorable though. That's acceptable for Hugo!!

Yeah it's sad for alice for sure. While Thestrals aren't the bad omen they're made out to be you know it's not exactly a good sign she can see them!!

Haha again, you'll have to wait and see about jimmy and lily ;)

Jimmy is excellent for a bit if comic relief and if think the funniest thing is, he probably is a little bit scared of losing but only in the way that makes him more determined to win!!

I will keep trying to update. I'm working as hard as possible to get it more regular. Thank you though &hearts

Again thank you for these reviews. I honestly can't tell you how much I appreciate them!!

Lauren :)


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Review #17, by ohmymerlin A Home From Home

4th February 2014:
Hey, Lauren! I'm here from my review thread! :)

Also, the 'an' should not be capitalised in this sentence: "So are you going to get on this train today, or are you just going to stand there deciding if this wall is going to let you through?" An amused voice came from behind her.

It should be: "So are you going to get on this train today, or are you just going to stand there deciding if this wall is going to let you through?" an amused voice came from behind her.

You've put the wrong 'too' in this sentence: Rose is to close to her due date to Apparate.

This should have a comma at the end of the dialogue instead of a full stop: They weren't that bothered whether I was okay or not." Lily added.

It should be: They weren't bothered whether I was okay or not," Lily added.

Okay, so one of the main issues I have with this is the summary. It's a great summary but it implies that the story is going to be from Lily's perspective, not Ivy's, which caused me a lot of confusion. I honestly do love the summary but it gives the readers the wrong idea about who the story will centre around.

Even if most of it does centre around Lily, I think you should make it more evident that it's from Ivy's perspective.

Speaking of, Ivy seems very interesting. Even though she's Head Girl, I feel like she feels a bit left out a lot of the time - evidenced by Lily and Alice being best friends for nearly their whole lives. It kind of sounds like she has a wistful tone for some reason.

So did Al and Ivy sleep with each other, or was it just a kiss or was it hiding a body or will we find out later in the story? :p I like how she feels extremely guilty about it - a lot of fanfictions tend to just skip over the guilt of doing something inappropriate with a family member so that's great!

I do find Ivy to maybe act a little too young - not in an immature way but just young... I know that doesn't make much sense but I have no other way to put it. She seems mature but at the same time still kind of like a little kid. She seems very timid though, so maybe it's just that.

Lily seems like a really fun character. She's outspoken but in a good way. And the fact that she has a strong sibling relationship with her brothers makes me so happy! I love strong sibling relationships in fanfiction! :D

Al... he seems like an enigma... I can't comment on him much as we don't really see him that much in this chapter. All I can say is that I find it a bit odd that Ivy feels extremely guilty and embarrassed but he doesn't. So I'm super curious as to what they did!

James and Elise (sorry I can't do the accents on this keyboard) seem quite sweet. Again, I can't really comment on them as we don't have much backstory. Although I am curious as James is only 21/22 years old and he's already engaged?! And Rose and Scorpius are having a child? I feel like they're all growing up a bit too quickly :p

(That may be a little bias from my part though, so feel free to ignore that, ahaha :p)

I really like Ivy's mum. She seems super cool and chilled out. Is her dad in the equation or no?

But oh my god. I loved Harry in this chapter. He seemed so laid back and I just LOVED how you made him have an interest in Sparks, the snowy white owl. Everything about him I loved :D

I loved the banter between Lily, Alice and Ivy. It's a very accurate portrayal of a friendship between 17 year old girls :p

Ooh, I forgot to analyse Alice. She seems so like her father, but in a good way. I just loved how sweet she is and she just seems like the kindest out of the three. :)

Aw, Jimmy has a crush on Lily, hahah! Hogwarts newest Romeo and Juliet with their opposing Houses ;) Jimmy seems like a pretty good mate to have, I'm excited to see how Lily and him will interact during the year with their Quidditch obsessions - especially if Ravenclaw and Gryffindor end up being the top two!

Anyway, this was a great introductory chapter! It definitely has me wanting to read more so that's always a plus!

Feel free to request again!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Hi Kayla!

Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this review! It's so detailed, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!

First things first, thank you for pointing out the typos!! I will be going to sort them out once I've responded to this. Much appreciated.

You're not the first person to point that out about the summary. The thing is... the chapter revolves around all 5 of the characters and each chapter is from someone different's POV... but I could only pick one to do the summary from. Originally the first chapter was Lily and the story kind of does revolve around her the most but then I changed it to Ivy without changing the summary. I don't really know what to do for best now though because I like the summary as it is. I will take your comments on board though because I think you're right... maybe I'll just have to change the summary.

I'm glad you find Ivy interesting. I wouldn't say that she's left out by Alice and Lily, but she's aware they were friends before meeting her. I might need to redo that bit if it sounds wistful...

Albus and Ivy though. Hmm, you do find out what happened so I don't want to give too much away. I'm glad you thought the guilt was good though. She really does feel guilty!!

I think Al is very embarrassed (maybe that doesn't come through enough) but he wants to speak to her so he's trying to swallow that embarrassment and talk to her. But then she tries to carry her trunk and he can't help but laugh at her stubbornness.

James is 5 years older than Lily in this so yeah you're right with the age. I do agree with you to a certain point, but they are only engaged. I know people who get engaged at this age and then leave it for a few years before getting married. I don't think getting engaged is too much... as for the pregnancy, you're totally right and it's actually an accident but I've read so many stories where Rose/Scorp have a baby young that it's kind of my head canon so this story isn't focused on that but they are having a baby.

No Ivy's dad isn't around. You'll find out more as the story progresses.

Aww, I'm so glad you liked Harry! Him and Ginny nearly didn't feature in this chapter, just because I got worried about getting them right. They both really worried me!

I'm glad you like Alice, as well as the friendship between the girls. I want it to be obvious that they're really close.

Hmm Jimmy and Lily... you'll have to wait and see. The Quidditch rivalry between the two of them will certainly increase!!

Thank you so so much for leaving an amazing review. you've given me some amazing comments and some things to think about and I really appreciate it. I will be requesting again!

Thank you!
Lauren :)


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Review #18, by maraudertimes Boys Gossip Too

4th February 2014:
Hey again! I loved the first chapter too much not to come back for more!

I absolutely loved that you made Hugo really good at chess. I feel as if Ron would take it upon himself to teach his son *everything* he knows about the game, so it was a really nice canon touch!

Aha! The quidditch captain sitch! I love how it's featured in almost every part of the chapter. Both Lily and Jimmy are really worked up about it, eh? Oh well, I guess they'll have to wait!

Wow! James passed on the invisibility cloak and the Marauder's Map? I would've thought he would keep them to his dying breath, although it's nice to see that he trusts Lily so much! Although I guess his making Lily almost make the Unbreakable Vow doesn't help that much...

I really like this chapter and as soon as I can I'll probably be back for more! Great job!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Hi again!

I was honestly so taken back when you left two reviews, it really means so much to me. I'm sorry I'm so bad at replying, I just turn into a pile of mush when reading reviews like this!!

Haha your version of Ron is exactly like MY version of Ron then :D Hugh enjoys playing with his dad though, it's something the two of them share I think.

Yeah they're both desperate to know because they're both desperate to win!! Don't worry, jimmy will find out soon. Lily only gets a few hours head start on him ;)

Yeah, a few people have thought maybe that was too unrealistic. I like to think that albus probably had a lot to do with it and James does love his sister so wanted to give her a chance. However, he will be having it back.

Thank you again, honestly these reviews have meant so much to me. I love reading your thoughts on the chapters!!

Lauren :)


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Review #19, by maraudertimes A Home From Home

4th February 2014:
Hello, doll!

Well this certainly is intriguing. What in the world could Albus and Ivy have done that she's embarrassed about? Well, I can think of quite a few things, but that's just it: too many possibilities!

Anyways, I really like your characterization as of now. Ivy seems like a really sweet girl, albeit a little overprotective of her red cardigan. Lily is just mad, but I think she might just be a little bit of a mini Ginny (hey that rhymes!), quidditch obsession and all. Alice! Oh dear lord, you want to hurt me, don't you? That's Neville's daughter, isn't it? And you named her after his mother? *sobs uncontrollably* Well, she seems delightful so far and just seems like a complete sweetheart, so I'm sure her father's sweet disposition has a big effect on her.

But seriously, what happened?!?!?!?!?

Okay, anyways, I also really liked the boys! Is that a crush I see developing? Does Jimmy like Lily? The two quidditch crazed lunatics? Seems like a good match! Haha! Match! As in quidditch match?... Yeah, I'll stop... :P

But I really did love this chapter. Your writing style is seamless, the description is all there, the funny quips made me laugh, the premise is amazing, your characters are hilarious and sweet. I just thought this was really really good!

Great job!
Lo:)

Author's Response: Hi Lo!!

First thing first. Thank you so much for leaving me these surprise reviews. They've really put a smile on my face. Second, apologies for taking so long to reply!!

Haha albus and Ivy... Well, i don't want to give too much away but you an probably guess what they did ;) you will find out exactly what happened though in a few chapters!!

I'm so happy you like all three of the girls!! Yes, Alice is Neville's daughter. I know it's not canon but I couldn't help myself!! It just had to be done! I hope you approve :)

Jimmy and Lily... You'll just have to see. True, they're both quidditch lunatics though ;) maybe they will be a match...

Okay now I'm really blushing. Thank you so much, I'm just so happy you're enjoying the story!!

Lauren :)


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Review #20, by monstrosity A Home From Home

3rd February 2014:
Here with your requested review!

I always love the back to school chapters, the whole 'happy reunion' never fails to give me this warm feeling inside. This was an especially nice back to school chapter simply because it wasn't too melodramatic. It's a perfect blend of friendship and interesting characters.

Ivy seems like a wonderful character at face value- Head Girl, has friends, good relationship with her mother, responsible, polite and perfect in every way. To be honest, I despise characters like that. However, you introduce the grey things in her character later on, for which I am grateful. It's good to know that she isn't all sugariness and butterflies. She's had her share of embarrassing moments. It's nice that she's awkward around Albus to the point where she'd rather carry her heavy trunk than letting him talk to her alone. She's also very anti-fitness (instantly making her my best friend) which is also a pleasant diversion from the ideal superwoman. That being said, I would really like to know more about her personality in the future chapters :)

Lily seems like a force of nature. Confident, brave and everything a Gryffindor should aspire to be. Very competitive too and I'm waiting to see how her rivalry with the Ravenclaw quidditch team plays out especially with Jimmy being such a nice guy and equally determined to win. I like how her exchanges with Ivy don't get overly dramatic. Whenever I go back to school for a new year there are always these girls who start hugging each other like they haven't seen them in a million years, crying tears of joy. Okay, may be not crying but definitely whining. My point here is that this situation is very realistic.

What I like most about this story is how you tell us more about the characters and their relationships with each other in very subtle ways so that it doesn't obstruct the flow of the story. For example, you mention Alice's keen perception and judgement when she notices that things aren't quite alright between Ivy and Albus. You also show us how she's such a good friend, knowing that now isn't the right time to question Ivy about what's going on. Yet you never had to explicitly state that Alice was all of this because her actions dropped the hints to the reader. It's a much classier way to describe someone than to say 'Alice was a good friend and noticed things most people overlooked. She knew when to keep her mouth shut.' or something like that.

I believe that every story needs an element of suspense to make the readers want to move to the next chapter. As much as everyone likes ideal, pretty situations, it's that niggling thought that makes us eager to turn the page. That's why I'm glad you introduced that incident between Ivy and Albus. All I know about it is that it involved alcohol and it's something Ivy would rather forget. I'm really curious as to what exactly happened! If you were worried about this appearing confusing you needn't be because all the hidden information simply makes the reader want to know more!

This is a pretty great first chapter! The conversations flow easily. There's just the right amount of description to let the reader picture the situation without being bog down by the 'sunlight filtering like suspended gold molecules through the stained glass windows of the stain, reflecting tiny rainbows on the concrete ground.' It's clean, easy to read and very entertaining. The only warning I could possibly give you (although it isn't a very important one) is that having introduced so many characters and so many sub plots (like James and Elise's relationship, Jimmy looking a little strangely at Lily, the Albus/Ivy situation and the Quidditch rivalry) try not to get the story too branched out before it's even crossed a couple chapters. It makes tying up the loose ends even harder. However, if this all according to plan and everything will tie up then you can really forget this piece of advice ;)

Anyway, I hope my rambling made some sense to you and that this review was a little bit useful. Feel free to request again!

-Sathya

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so so much for taking the time to do this!

Aww, thanks! I enjoy back to school chapters too! It gets me all excited for the year to come! It felt like a good way to introduce the characters though so I'm glad you felt it was well balanced.

I really don't want to make Ivy too perfect. She has her faults... she can be a little too straight laced if there's such a thing but Alice and Lily are a good influence with that. And while she has a good relationship with her mum, that can't be said about all her family. I'm glad you didn't find her too perfect though by the end of the chapter!

Oh... and there's definitely something there with Albus ;)

Haha they were happy to see each other but yeah, no tears. That would have been a bit to far.

Her and Jimmy are definitely going to be having a fun year fighting for the cup. Hopefully things won't get too competitive.

I'm really happy you picked up on the little things like that! It's great to have perceptive readers who comment on things like that! It makes me really happy.

Phew, I'm glad you weren't confused! Hopefully I've left you with enough to make you want to read on...

I think that's very valid advice and I will try and keep things in control. I do have a plan, but that doesn't mean things can't go wrong. I will keep my eye on it, thank you.

This is such a good review and really useful, thank you. I will be certainly re-requesting so long as you don't mind! Thank you so much for the lovely compliments, I really do appreciate them!

Lauren :)


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Review #21, by MissesWeasley123 Things Could Be Worse

27th January 2014:
ERMAHGERD LAUREN. SO MANY THINGS IN THIS CHAPTER, CAN YOU PLS NOT HOW DO YOU EVEN WRITE, I AM JEALOUS.

First of all -- HUGO AND ALICE ♥ Can they please be Benedict and I??? YOU SHOULD WRITE A CUMBERBATCH FANFIC STARRING ME AND BENNY AND HE THINKS ABOUT ME LIKE HUGO DOES TO ALICE YES YES YES THIS IS HAPPENING. And like, Hugo is so awkward and cute and fluff and snow and cute things yeah. THEY JUST ARE SO CUTE AND PLEASE, WRITE THE FANFIC I WILL LOVE YOU EVEN MORE (if possible)

hehehe and now i will try to write all in lowercase because i feel like i have been shouting at you, which i kinda have in my mind. but omg jimmy and lily i knew it they will be together and then can go on triple dates with me and ben (benadia, cumbernad -- ooh, cumbernad works for me) and hugo and alice (hulice, algo -- i like hulice, how bout you) and it will be amazing.

Seriously though, I adore Hugo so much. He seems amazing. Perhaps he is the Benedict+Tom I have been looking for???

I also don't understand how you went four entire paragraphs, without saying a bit of dialogue! It's amazing how you write your description, something we see lacking in many other next gen stories.

BASICALLY, IT'S PERFECT OKAY.

So you're awesome, this is awesome, and love love love k bye.

Author's Response: Hi Nadia!

Thank you so much for stopping by, your reviews always put the biggest smile on my face!

I love that you like Hugo and Alice so much &hearts I found Hugh very hard to write so I'm happy you like him and the way he thinks of Alice. Aww hehe the Cumberbatch fanfic sounds good ;)

Sian suggested Alugo which I like but Hulice works too :P We'll have to see about Jimmy and Lily ;)

I'm glad you like all the description! I was worried it would be too much!

Eugh, perfect is a strong word, but thank you &hearts

Nadia, you never fail to put a huge smile on my face, thank you so so much, I can't tell you how much I appreciate the reviews!!


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Review #22, by nott theodore Things Could Be Worse

27th January 2014:
Hey Lauren! I know this has been up for a few days but this is the first chance I've had to stop by. With a bit of luck I'll get the first review, too!

First of all, I love your description at the beginning of this chapter. You open it in such a lyrical way, I can picture the sunset so beautifully, and you manage to do it in just a couple of sentences as well - conjuring images in my mind. It's really lovely, and made me smile a lot.

Your dialogue is probably one of my favourite things about this story. You've got such a knack of making it sound really natural, and I can practically hear the conversations taking place between me and my friends, which is not at all easy to do. Nothing sounds overdone, and each of the characters is really starting to develop their own voice in this story now. But your dialogue just seems so natural, believable and authentic that I'm always really impressed when I read it through.

I liked the focus on Hugo here, and even though you were worried about writing from a male POV, I don't think that you needed to. He's really sweet - can I be friends with him, too? (Actually, just take me back a few years and I can go to Hogwarts with them for their last year!) I loved the way that he was thinking about Alice, how these sudden feelings are a bit of a shock for him and he's not quite sure what to do about them. It's really sweet, and I just wanted to give him a hug. The awkward moment when he'd put himself closer to her than he realised was just adorable, and I loved the way you wrote that. It's realistic, too, because he wants to get close to Alice and is already getting protective of her, but he's trying to keep people from finding out as well, and all the fears and desires there are very normal and relatable. He didn't have much luck keeping it from Jimmy though! It's probably the first time that boy has paid attention :P

Hugo and Alice are really cute, though. More, please! I want to see them together!

I liked Alice in this chapter too, and I'm curious about the Thestrals. I wonder whether she's only recently seen death, or if it's always been a fear of hers? Either way, I'm intrigued, and I want to see more of her (preferably with Hugo. I like the two of them... Alugo? Halice? :P)

Jimmy and Lily made me laugh so much in this chapter, with all their arguing over Quidditch. Those two are so perfect for each other and they haven't even realised it yet, even though the others have started to. I loved Jimmy's obliviousness when his arguing had bored Alice, and how he couldn't understand how that might upset people! It felt so typically Jimmy, and I'm interested to see if that's something he starts trying to improve through the course of this story. Lily's more sensitive, but she feels like a real match for Jimmy, and they're both equally mad about Quidditch.

I'm not sure about this Kate girl. She could be perfectly nice, of course, and I could be reading too much into things, but I feel like she could end up as a bit of an obstacle between Alice and Hugo. Grr, I hope not!

I'm looking forward to the next chapter and seeing the group get reunited and reach Hogwarts again! Well done with this chapter, my dear!

Edit: Yes! First review! ♥

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hey Sian,

Thank you so much for coming over and reviewing this *hugs* it means so much as you always beta, I don't expect reviews too!

Well if it makes you smile that's always good :) It took me a while to write that first bit of description so I'm glad you like it so much!

I do have a lot of fun when writing the dialogue, and I do take inspiration from conversations I've had with my friends. I'm glad you like it though!

I was terrified to write from a mans POV and I'm still not convinced but I love that you think I do an okay job of it and find it believable! Haha if you get to go back and be friends with him, can I too? ;)

Yes, these feelings are definitely a bit of a shock for him but is he going to do anything about them? Let's hope so! Haha he definitely didn't want Jimmy to find out but something like this wouldn't get unnoticed for long!

The Thestral thing... it's been a little while and she's been terrified of Thestrals since. This should be explained more in later chapters though :)

I like Alugo ;)

Jimmy and Lily are seriously so fun so I love that you like them! Jimmy is a bit in his own world though, hopefully he will start to become a little more aware and understanding of the people around him.

Kate's nice enough :)

Thank you so much for this fantastic review Sian, it really means so much to me!

Lauren :)


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Review #23, by KiwiOliver A Home From Home

21st January 2014:
Ohhh I like Ivy and her mum :) They seem nice!
And for the going through the wall thing, I KNOW RIGHT? I thought I was the only one who finds it terrifying...

I'm enjoying the Lily/Jimmy thing going on here, will they follow their namesakes? (Well sort of, Jimmy/James. It's not that big a leap.)

I really like your writing in this chapter, the descriptions were all really well done and it flowed really well :)

I can't wait to see how each of these characters develops over time, I'll definitely be coming back for more chapters!

You kept me interested through the whole chapter which is always a good thing, I don't normally take to these romancy types! But you've made me curious and now I want more! Muahaha!

You've pulled off a great chapter and I look forward to reading on!

Author's Response: Hi there!

So sorry for taking a little while to respond to this. I also know I said I'd review something of yours in return, I haven't forgotten that!

I'm glad you like Ivy and her Mum! I'm also glad I'm not on my own about the wall. I love magic but it's a still a wall... scary.

Haha, hmmm I don't know about them... maybe they will maybe they won't ;)Jimmy is no way related to James Potter though... just to make that clear! He's Oliver Woods son :)

Thank you so much for the lovely compliments, I can't tell you how much I appreciate them. I'm so happy you like the characters and descriptions and the fact that you like this story when it isn't your thing is just amazing to hear.

Thanks again!
Lauren :)


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Review #24, by Secret Santa Boys Gossip Too

5th January 2014:
Santa here again ^^

So, let's get on with review number 2. I enjoyed this chapter too and I'm actually a bit bummed out that there isn't any more chapters for me to read tonight! I would've wanted to continue! Oh well, I need to bookmark this since I can't add it to my favourites just yet or my super-secret identity will be most definitely revealed (x

Your writing is flawless once again. I'm actually quite jealous of you how you manage to make it so rich in description and details. Great work! Dialogue was even better in this chapter than the first one, if that's even possible. I could've as well been a real conversation between friends, it sounded very natural.

There's definitely some character development here and I'm really impressed that you've managed to make them all so different. Oh, something I forgot to mention in my first review: I really like it that they're not all Gryffindors, but Jimmy's a Ravenclaw. It's great to see friendships between different houses!

I think Jimmy's my favourite at the moment (x I really like his competitive side, and that 'boys don't gossip' attitude d: The banter (and dynamics all together) between them was great!

Ooh, what did Jimmy do that time in Hogsmeade? You have to tell us!

So James gave Lily the map and the cloak! Interesting. Can't wait to see what kind of mischiefs you come up with in the future! I'm a bit surprised James gave them away, especially the cloak since it can be handy even outside the school, but I guess he was just being fair ^^

Although I am a bit surprised Lily didn't know more about the the cloak and the map! I always imagined Harry would be very honest with his children about what happened in his past, but maybe that's just me (:

Okay, I'm going to shut up now and sit here quietly until the rest of the story is up, because I want to read it asap. So hopefully that will happen any minute now, right? (;

Haha, kidding. But it was a great chapter, dear, and I can't wait to read more.

It had been a pleasure. Your third gift is with Sian, so you'll get it at some point.

Take care!

~Santa

Author's Response: Hello again!

You're so sweet, thank you... I'm so happy you're enjoying this story so much!

Flawless... wow. I'm not quite sure I'd use that word but I appreciate it anyway. I really tried to get the descriptions in there so the fact you've picked that up means a lot to me. I am really happy you felt comfortable with the dialogue too, that's what I wanted to achieve.

I'm glad you like the different characters and their personalities... but I'm relived you think the different house thing is beliveable. Hugh is also a Ravenclaw :)

Okay you're seriously making my day more and more. I have such a soft spot for Jimmy but I'm a bit concerned he comes over as overly sulky but the fact you like him is brilliant... thank you!

Haha, Jimmy is very protective over that secret... I don't know whether he will reveal it ;)
In my head, Albus kind of forces James hand a little, but James will insist he gets it back.I was hoping people wouldn't think it was too unrealistic. I do agree with you to some point about Harry too but it fit better for my story this way, so in my head, he hasn't told them too much simply because he's left them to find out for themselves, not because he wanted to hide it.

You're honestly too kind though, thank you so much for being an amazing santa and fir such great gifts, I really appreciate them!!

Lauren :)


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Review #25, by Secret Santa A Home From Home

5th January 2014:
Hello, Secret Santa here with your embarrassingly late review d: Seriously, this must be some kind of a record >.<

Haha, well, let's ignore that and get on with the review, shall we?

I picked this story because it was Lily/OC, and I definitely haven't read enough of those. NextGen is one of my favourite eras, but somehow I always end up picking one with James or Albus as the MC's love interest.

But this story definitely caught my attention. I really like your writing style a lot. All the descriptions make it flow so effortlessly and I really enjoyed reading this chapter! You made me want to read more and it was really hard to stop and write this review (x

Oh, and an extra mention to your dialogue, I think it was absolutely amazing!

Ivy sounds like an interesting character. I'll admit, I was a bit confused at first because I thought this would be from Lily's POV. But then I took a little peak in the next chapter and saw that you change POV's there. Okay, I'm not the biggest fan of POV changes, but I'm not going to hold that against you. Some people manage to make it work quite well, and since your writing style has already won me over, I'm guessing this will be one of those stories where I won't mind it one bit ^^

But yes, back to Ivy. I really liked. You made her sound like a real person with real problems and I could easily relate to her. Head girl, eh? I'm really glad of that. So many make Lily II and exact copy of her paternal grandmother, so I'm pleased you're not taking that route, but making her a Quidditch maniac. Gotta love that!

Ooh, Ivy and Albus? Didn't see that coming, and now it had definitely spiked my interest. Will this relationship develop into something more? I'm intrigued to see how you will make that happen since he isn't in Hogwarts anymore.

Which brings me to another detail that I like. They're starting their last year which means most of the Potter/Weasley clan has already left the school. There will be no over-protective brothers/cousins around and you get to build Lily's character in a whole different way.

Am I sensing something between Lily and Jimmy? Talk about a hypocrite, eh? (; But I like that! Romance between rivalry team captains, I really like that!

Gah, this was such a lovely first chapter and I can't wait to read the next one, so I'm going to have to stop rambling now.

I hope you had an amazing Christmas and once again sorry for being so late (and also for my very rusty reviewing skills d: )

~Santa

Author's Response: Hello Santa ;)

So sorry it's taken me so long to reply to your lovely reviews, I can't tell you how much I do appreciate them!

I'm so glad you picked this story, I really wanted feedback on this so I appreciate it! I think Lily/OC isn't written nearly enough so that's why I wanted to try my hand at one.

Thank you so much for the lovely compliments, I'm really glad you liked the descriptions and dialogue, it took me a really long time to get them right so I love that you've picked up on them.

I hope you don't mind the POV changes if you continue to read... I wanted to get a chance to get close to each of the characters in the group and that's how I felt it was best to approach it.

Yeah, I didn't see Lily II as an exact copy of Lily I so I'm glad you agree. Ivy is much more the studious head girl type which is why she got the role.

He isn't at Hogwarts and he has a girlfriend... how will this work indeed! I'm glad you got curious though!

I picked the seventh year as I think it's more interesting. The people are older, and more mature and like you said, not to many Weasley/Potters to deal with. Some will make appearances but there's far fewer at school!

Ahh, who knows between Jimmy and Lily... they're both just so obsessed with beating each other ;)

Thank you though Hanna, I honestly can't tell you how much I appreciate this review, its amazing!


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